break up, break ups, dating, love, marriage, midlife, red pill, relationships, remarriage, SIW
For the past few weeks, among other things, I have had a front row seat at a SIW (single independent woman) meltdown of epic proportions. For my friend, age 43, the red pill realities of the wall, the SIW fallacy, and more are all coalescing at a fast and furious pace.
Ever since moving out on her own she’s “done it on her own.” She married briefly in her 30s, no kids, but fought the yoke hard and decided she was better off on her own than, “stuck with some man.”
After that she held various office jobs, and met her current beau there. Unlike her former husband, an artistic sigma, this executive level, successful, attractive divorced (frivorce, brutally) father of six had all the markings of “a good provider.”
They have dated for several years now but as far as I can see he’s firmly MTGOW (even if he doesn’t know the term) and seems quite happy with their seperate houses, “I’ll see ya when I see ya,” lifestyle.
About two years ago she tired of the drudgery of going to her dead end office job day after day, so she threw caution to the wind, quit, and made do with a conglomeration of jewelry making, pet sitting, and house cleaning gigs. But it wasn’t enough to live the same lifestyle as before, so she supplemented that with credit card debt, figuring it would, “all turn around someday.” Perhaps the day her beau proposed. But he didn’t.
Now, she’s exceptionally good looking, with a darling figure and perky rack. So things have mostly gone her way in life. But for what she has in the looks department she lacks in the emotional control category.
As the weeks and months went on, she became less and less emotionally stable. She often picks fights with her boyfriend, demanding he “Step up or else,” which is followed by a period of him ghosting and her begging him back.
As you may have guessed, things have come to a head and she’s been forced by financial circumstances to move out of her apartment. When no offer from her beau came, I hesitatingly offered her a room at my place in exchange for housecleaning and landscaping, while she “gets back on her feet.”
For the past two weeks she’s drug her feet as moving day approached, fighting tooth and nail daily with her beau who was helping her out financially, tying up loose ends, and trying to help her pack.
He confessed to me he didn’t know how much more he could take, and that he didn’t understand her behavior.
“It’s simple,” I said. “She wants to move in with you, not me.” But he said it simply wasn’t possible.
Yesterday was her last day at the apartment. They spent nearly 24 hours doing what she could have done over the past few weeks. And at 2 a.m. she was texting that she, “just needed a few more hours.”
He says the fighting has been intense, and they have yet to arrive here the following morning. I am sure she’s doing all she can to try to force his hand in the direction she wants things to go, but she’s kidding herself.
He told me not to tell her but he’s leaving on a guys trip this evening for the next two weeks. I guess I will be doing my best to help her pick up the pieces. Based on how she’s acted the past few days, I’d be surprised if he comes back.
Many SIW think in youth that they can decide when and where they will finally settle down with the Mr. Big of their dreams, only to find life isn’t a movie script. Nobody owes anyone anything anymore under the new social rules. And other people get to make their own choices, too.
Yes, women today have the freedom to make their own choices. But they should remember, choices have consequences, and nothing in life is all upside. Play your hand poorly or well, but you’ll live with the results either way you choose. Just like guys have always “been free” to do.
She’s got 40 years or so to go, no savings, no kin, no skills that someone younger won’t do for less, and a guy who can’t wait to be rid of her. That’s going to be a tough hand to play. I’ll be doing my best to red pill her a spoonful a day, because getting her head on straight and quickly is about the only chance she’s got, as far as I can see.
Let those with ears hear.
Occasionally there are women who are a complete mess but who somehow continue to attract men willing to commit regardless. Think Liz Taylor. They were still lining up despite 8 failed marriages, 40 extra pounds, yada yada, but they are the exception, not the rule. Vixen is so far lucky in this regard. Charisma counts for a lot. But those women don’t need my advice, they already know how to play a man like a fiddle!
Case in point, even her ex loved her! http://people.com/celebrity/elizabeth-taylors-last-husband-tells-all-about-their-marriage/
This is pretty funny, though it is typical blue pill. There are no functioning successful men in society bleeding personal problems all over the place.
“Also, if this guy is a mgtow type guy, how top shelf can he really be? Those guys are often bitter, with trust issues, and major attitude problems. The reasons for that vary, but regardless, I just wonder if she is on the same page as him in terms of what she wants and what he wants.”
A Dad said:
Ash – Hope I wasn’t prying too much with my comment. I just think that’s what a lot of guys want now; A self sufficient woman who doesn’t need to marry and looks good. But I think that perhaps you are the exception to the rule, and your logic doesn’t apply to people like the case in this post.
I’m a “MGTOW” in the sense that I’m doing my own thing after a frivorce and not looking to jump into something right away. I’ve not sworn off women, nor do I hate them. They just aren’t a priority for me. But I do know that I don’t want another woman who is incapable of supporting herself. I’ve already got one of those. She’s like having a second child, only more expensive. And my kid is actually more fun to hang out with due to common interests and a better personality.
RPG: “And really sex alone isn’t enough for most guys, despite what many women believe.”
Sex with most women this age is pretty boring, to be honest. That’s not what the women tell each other about themselves, however.
I ran into a former flame who lives two counties north. I cared for her very much, but our relationship was sub rosa, and in the end, wasn’t worth the risk for her and drama for me. Unfortunately I still dream about her from time to time. (Ton is puking, stage left.) But we were in the same coffee shop.
“Hi, beautiful,” I said, surprising her.
We sat and talked, which itself is taboo. She had the opsec of a retard. She actually suggested once that I hang out at her restaurant so I could see her dad, who is in business with her husband. This would be retarded, all would agree.
“What happened?” she said.
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, and we talked about it for six months anyway.” We had.
“Really?” she said. “You really meant all that?”
“I gave, you received, it ended.” (Bloom’s new housekeeper appears to subscribe to this model as well, though not the third clause. She thinks her guy is coming back.)
This annoys her. She texted me once, “You’re the best one ever, and it’s not even close.” She’s my worst. She’s always been the prettiest girl in the room, and somehow these women of a certain age think they understand how other women have sex with men. I guess because they talk about sex with other women of a certain age who also are clueless, and making a lot of shit up.
My friend has the kind of face a man wants to look at over dinner at age 85. Once we were having dinner and I said, looking at her, “This is all I want.” She sends me secret, elliptical messages via her Tumblr account. When she posts a new headshot on FB, the whole fucking town goes “Oh you’re so beautiful …” and even I puke. The sex was the worst I’ve ever had — seriously, the worst — and when I finally said, “Okay, we really need to talk …” it was over. Men give, women receive, discussion of alternatives is out of bounds. Sometimes I think that generation is a write-off. They have the entitlement, self-righteousness, without the knowledge that they are competing with alternatives. The younger girls get it, and the older women are desperate. YMMV.
Bloom, none of my business, but if it’s not too late I’d give the woman a trial period with a mandatory move-out date. It would get ugly if you had to call the sheriff to get her out of your home.
Artisanal Toad said:
And now we get the details.
I wouldn’t call it a “failure to launch” syndrome in this case, more likely it’s the after-effect of betrayal trauma that had a hard impact on all of them. As far as the friend who is living there, it isn’t that unusual. Having close friend who has known you for 30+ years in close proximity means you have a sounding board, someone who can ask the hard questions that cause reflective thought. In other words, he’s getting emotional support from both his adult children and his friend, which means there is that much less for a woman to provide.
What I have seen on the ground IRL is very similar to your story of this wench. Women divorce their husband in their 30’s, thinking they will be able to move up and move on. But that only happens to the genetically gifted and charming or the very fortunate. The rest of them go from one dead-end job to another getting older and their prospects getting slimmer. They may as well have “pump and dump” tattooed on their foreheads, but they get fat and claim they are a “big beautiful woman”. They are arrogant.
They live in a fool’s paradise.
Everything is fine until it isn’t and they give the impression of “making it on their own” and being “Strong Independent Women” but it’s all appearance and no substance. I see *massive* credit card debt everywhere as well as student loan debt. Did you know that the #1 leading cause of homelessness is a catastrophic vehicle breakdown or wreck? All it takes is living hand to mouth and having the vehicle go kaput. No money to fix it, no money to replace it, they depend on friends until the friends are undependable and then they lose their job. No income means eviction and everything goes on the curb.
That’s when their social network kicks in and hopefully family or someone like you is able to take that person in. If that doesn’t happen or if their attitude and behavior causes their situation to go south, the next step is a desperate Craigslist ad that offers housekeeping and cooking for a single man in exchange for a place to stay. That typically becomes a quid pro quo in which she adopts the traditional wife’s role in return for a place to stay and hopefully some help getting back on her feet. Depends on her attitude.
The sad part is all it would take is another serious downturn in the economy to really tip the teacart in a major way. A lot of things could cause that.
Within the arc of this story you’ve presented, we see an emotionally unstable woman with an entitlement attitude get nexted by a man who has the resources to make her dreams come true. Why? Because he doesn’t want to put up with her shit. Because of her character she’s nothing but a pump and dump. While the economy has real problems right now, things are still functioning reasonably well. What happens when things get ugly?
What happens when men realize they actually have the upper hand by virtue of the fact they work and produce something real? What happens when large numbers of women are desperate? How many options does a woman actually have when she’s facing eviction or is actually homeless?
Single women have already become commodities and it’s only the legal system that prevents attached women from being viewed as easily replaceable commodities. It’s only going to get worse.
Larry G said:
mgtowhorseman said (in part):
(Before you jump all over me, I know this cause I do this for my wife. Go get her perscriptions, fan her hot flashes, put up with the aches. But she earned that attention over the last 30 years of solid companionship. But to do it for someone else? Not a chance.)
A slice of truth in a nutshell, horseman. Women must first EARN the loyalty of her man by demonstrating her own fidelity and loyalty to him on a daily basis. At least for me and my wife, that mutual loyalty has covered a multitude if bruised feelings over the years.
Ash, do you ind my asking your age?
I would agree bv, not that I know by experience but I’d guess few women are any good in bed precisely because (like in other things) they think its all about them. I’d wager few guys really get it much either. Sex can be the highest and best form of self expression, the most vulnerable, open, most thrilling, most fulfilling, most nurturing, loving, etc. of things. With creativity. Not just physically but emotionally. Too many simply see it as a physical act, rather than the truly sacred thing it can be.
Women aren’t really schooled in the art of seduction anymore. Or intrigue. Now it’s just “check out my x,y,z, you know you want me!” Snore.
A Dad said:
Horseman / Larry G: I think that the mutual loyalty and and dedication results in the greatest payoff in life. I don’t think that many women understand this though, hence the current divorce rate situation.
I know that I would have given my ex everything and was dedicated forever, but it was never enough. She could only take and never give back, and I was a dumbass for letting it go on like that but feared the worst for my kid.. Now that it’s over, I am fearless. Glad to finally be done with it all because I don’t need a person like that in my life.
Larry G said:
Agreed A Dad,
” I think that the mutual loyalty and and dedication results in the greatest payoff in life. I don’t think that many women understand this though, hence the current divorce rate situation.”
My Mrs. turned 48 this year, in my eyes she missed The Wall completely; wife-goggles are firmly in place, her devotion and loyalty to only me over the past 25 years ensures that her place is secure. Unfortunately I must agree that very, very few modern western women have any clue about what it takes to be even a mediocre wife. Glad I’m not young
The thing I have noticed about unusually attractive people is it almost becomes as much of a drawback as a plus if it opens doors so easily for them they are stunted in nearly every other area of development. A one trick pony. And for a woman like that, the wall is a terrifying idea.
My guest isn’t that level of attractive. But better than average, although she’s got that kind of pinched and slim face that can age poorly, almost shrew like. I am sure when she’s yelling, she isn’t pretty at all
The agreement I had her sign is for a 6 month room rental. $400 in cash or labor plus $150 for water/electric/wifi/garbage. In the area where I live, that’s a bargain. Hopefully she will use the time wisely.
Rpg. Keep a shovel in the car for just such occassions.
Don’t you think men know already? I wouldn’t describe any of my male friends in the country as “red pill”, MGTOW, or any other manosphere label. But they know the ground has shifted. They’re on alert.
One is a retired gov’t contractor (spooky stuff, including Iran 1979), and he just laughed when I asked him if he was marrying his girlfriend (they’re moving in together). Another was eviscerated in his divorce, and coaches football: when I asked him about his girlfriend he said, “She’s great, but she’s mistaken if she thinks I’m going to deal with her angry parents and whacked out kid. I already did that.” Another farms, is beyond child-rearing years, and won’t let a woman come within five miles of his balance sheet. But none of these guys is “red pill.”
There’s a very, very attractive local woman whose father owns a $200mm factory. So I was thinking I should buy her dinner. The guys at the lounge all said, “NO NO NO NO! She’s crazy!” They explained that her children had been removed from her home and sent to her parents, by court order, and that she had frequent flier miles at all of the local rehab centers. I thought all this was an argument for dating her, but cooler heads prevailed.
Sorry, above is addressed to Toad.
Larry G said:
RPG, a bit of an oxymoron, no?
“Hopefully SHE will use the time WISELY”
RPG: “I would agree bv, not that I know by experience but I’d guess few women are any good in bed precisely because (like in other things) they think its all about them.”
I don’t know. In a prior era, middle-aged women knew that they were supposed to understand the men they were approaching. When you date a woman in this cohort now, you really do have to ask, “Do you do sex?” At least half of them don’t. A woman I was talking to last night “shared” that she began presenting menopausal symptons at 39. (Thanks, baby.)
Anyway, back to your blog instead of my thoughts, it’s none of my business either, but I would tell her up front that you’re serious about giving her the boot if she’s not on her best behavior. She’s got no financial reserves, so she’s not going to assume you’ll put her on the curb.
“Mature” women, circa 2017: https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/sex-diaries-woman-taking-off-her-wedding-ring-before-a-date.html
Larry G said:
BV, “Mature” women, circa 2017
In the linked article, not mature but “Slut”. there I fixed it for you. You’re welcome
A Dad said:
That article nearly made me puke.
Larry G said:
A Dad, that thing is missing her golden chance, she ought to be charging for her “services” to add to a IRA account don’t you think? Her family must be so proud..
RPG, I’m 33.
I know other people commented me but I’m at work and not much time to read and respond until later. Not trying to ignore anyone, but I appreciate those who put up with my more fem-centric views and take time to discuss with me.
The heiress sounds just perfect bc! Lol
Farm Boy said:
A new post at Spawny’s there is
@bv, I already told both her bf and her ex that my home is my sanctuary, I don’t do drama. And that if it starts, she’s out. I am sure they passed on the word.
I mean it too. I am very protective of my personal and family space and nobody or nothing gets a pass on that. But agreed, and I appreciate the advice.
Exactly Larry G. I have more respect for a professional than for a slut.
That gal is a sex addict. And or has a personality disorder. Notice how everyone else are seen as objects, not human beings with feelings. Sad. She has no clue what real intimacy is.
“she’ll be worse than a 3 year old (my LEAST favorite age of parenting so far, and my girls are 17 and 19!)”
LOL Ame… no wonder I’m going crazy… but they’re just so cute!!!!!
“My Mrs. turned 48 this year, in my eyes she missed The Wall completely; wife-goggles are firmly in place, her devotion and loyalty to only me over the past 25 years ensures that her place is secure”
This is so sweet… perfect, Larry.
RPG, “That gal is a sex addict. And or has a personality disorder. Notice how everyone else are seen as objects, not human beings with feelings. Sad. She has no clue what real intimacy is.”
I don’t know that all of them or even most of them are sex addicts … but I’ve commented here before about how so many middle aged divorced women … are just plain mentally ill. Now you get to find out just how they really are, lol. And my observations are backed up by data too …
“23% of women in their 40s and 50s take antidepressants, a higher percentage than any other group (by age or sex)” – https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/astounding-increase-in-antidepressant-use-by-americans-201110203624
Seriously … much respect for RPG for taking Vixen in and trying to set her straight. As others pointed … I’m sure there will stories unfolding for months to come, lol.
God made them cute, Stephanie … cause He knew they needed protection!!! 🙂
seriously … my bff and i hit the 3’s at about the same time with our Oldest’s … i was so mad at every parent that came before me b/c no one had warned me about the 3’s! 🙂 🙂 🙂
she had 2 boys and i 2 girls, and the 3’s were bad all 4 times 😉
I have read a few other accounts from that source. It may well be a fiction written to suit sex positive feminists over thirty. Still, it is a glimpse into something no sane man wants any part of.
After catching up with the comments, the end result of all this is that sane men are going to be driven from the sexual marketplace.
LOL I think I was UNlucky with our first boy… he was very hard at 18 mo’s and then started to get a lot better after 2 yrs 🙂
3’s were nice.
Our second blondie-boy never tantrumed until 18 or 20 mo’s. He’s almost 3 and it’s getting scary lol!!
“God made them cute.”
That also applies to RPG’s kittens. I don’t think that I need to link a video to illustrate.
Bears cute they are
This is true too.
Other kittens, and my girls, and everyone at my place are super exceptionally *squee* cute! No kidding! 🙂
The dancer is already running wing woman on the new roomie. She’s not buying her story… to be continued…
It will be interesting to see if she straightens her out. Reality is tough to take.
Your friend has a negative RMV/MMV. She is literally worthless for relationships or marriage.
The only thing your friend has that is of any value whatsoever to a man is her body. She has literally devalued herself so far that the only thing she has to offer is sex. All she has is SMV. That’s it.
True Deti, and soon sh’ll even have trouble peddling that. The dancer was surprised to learn they are the same age, as the other is looking very haggard and a decade older due to the stress, anxiety, poor choices, and anger she feels that it “didn’t work out like it was supposed to.” Owning the reality that it turned out this way precisely because of her poor life choices is step one in any hope for turning it around.
If she proves herself an asset and not a liability to me, she could possibly take the role of the spinster auntie and realize that’s likely the best she’s going to do at this point. We’ll see what she chooses…
SFC Ton said:
My friend has the kind of face a man wants to look at over dinner at age 85.
Her face looks like a 57 Corvette?
SFC Ton said:
I’d date a crazy bitch if it gave me a shot at a 200mill factory. Half of that in a divorce will keep a man in hookers and blow for a goodly lomg while