When I was younger, I had the impression that life was a series of endless do-overs. When and if I made a mistake, I could simply recalibrate and no harm done.
With age I have found the idea of unlimited do-overs is an illusion, perhaps fostered even more today with grades, tests, and other once hard lines always open for “a retake.”
I would caution young women to avoid the do-over mentality, and to instead view life as a series of largely one-way choices. Choose well, and you will have a good and happy life. Choose poorly, and you will more than likely struggle and not have a good life.
Decisions such as when and with who to be sexually active, for example, are huge. Girls losing their virginity young, before they truly understand that sex is meant to be a sacred experience you ideally have with your one true love and should save for that person, are making a decision they can’t ever do-over. And they are opening themselves up to being used, pumped and dumped, hurt, and discarded.
Don’t. You are worth more than that. If you have already taken this path, stop. You can’t go back but you don’t have to keep going forward. Be good to yourself. Wait for someone who will love you, care for you, and not leave.
Likewise the choice of when and who to marry is not to be approached with a do-over mentality. If you are entering marriage with the thought, “well, if it doesn’t work out we can divorce,” you are making a huge, huge mistake. Don’t. Wait. Wait for the one you will stand by and who will stand by you without question thru thick and thin. Through anything. Through everything.
Obviously, children are not a do-over either. When you have them know every day and every decision and every moment is building them into the adult they will become. Make sure that’s a happy, healthy, functional one. While it can feel at the time you will have them forever, you won’t. Make the most of that time even if you must sacrifice your needs and wants at times to do so. Even if you didn’t have a happy childhood, your children can. Giving them that will in turn heal you, too.
Experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and other unhealthy addictive behaviors is also not a do-over. Being controlled by something rather than being in control sucks. It destroys your life and the lives around you. Don’t. Just don’t even go there. If you are there, stop. Seek whatever help you need to do so.
Likewise, financial choices are often not do-overs. Live below your means. Save for a rainy day. Avoid the huge trap of debt. Give yourself the gift of financial stability by starting to save just 10% of every check you get, and then doing so for life. Small daily choices can make a huge difference in financial stability vs. disaster.
See, these types of decisions are not really do-overs. They are once and done. Love yourself and those around you enough to make good healthy choices. You will be rewarded with a good life filled with no regrets.
Let those with ears hear.
The notion of “no do-overs” and “can’t be undone” is something we boys learn well before we get out of high school. Even blue pilled men like me understand we’re responsible for our shit, we can’t undo it, and we’ll reap the benefits or pay the consequences.
Because we are told from our earliest memories that we must PERFORM. We must DO. We must make something of ourselves. We must work, or starve. Work, or die.
And this is the price women pay for their quest to be like men. They also have to perform, do, and work. They also get no second chances. They also must be responsible and pay the piper.
Women had it better before the sex rev, when life was a series of neverending second chances and mulligans and do-overs for them. Men shielded them from that fate. Women have taken it on themselves, and so must now share that fate with men.
So true Deti!
Actually in todays society there are endless do overs, within fixed window, that is thge problem.
Everyone can drift in their twenties, women on the carousel, men not settling into jobs. Dont like it, do over. Until the window closes.
30. Women cant trade on looks, guys get finally kicked out of the parents (or they die.)
Then everyone settles down to LTR or careers\jobs. Then they get bored settling. Dont like it, do over frivorce or career change. Until the window closes.
45. Women cant find LTR #2 or 3, guys aging out of the ability to job jump because they were never steady enough for the big chair promotion.
45. Drop out. Eat prey love, find your true calling. Society not giving you stuff, do over. Become philosophical, reject the system, cash out whatever assets. Until the window closes.
55. Hard wall. Physical, mental, social, career hard peak. Its done. Over. Abilities start the long fade. All notes due. No do overs. Enjoy the next thirty years.
Or marry at 25, kids by 30, steadily build skills and career, enjoy kids, small promotions. Pay the mortgage, your dues, attention to your spouse. Build equity in family, finance, career. Say no thanks to do overs. Look but dont bite.
Then when you peak, go out gracefully. Fledge the kids to their own lives, take retirement early, downsize the house, embrace your spouse’s wrinkles.
Then make some popcorn and watch the do over crowd pay the piper.
Dude, I have a couple of acquaintances who have rap sheets from 30 years ago. They’re still dealing with the consequences. They have to explain those incidents all the time. To every one. They never ever go away. Those incidents will dog those guys for the rest of their lives.
Brock Turner. He was convicted of raping an unconscious woman. That guy’s life is OVER. He got kicked out of Stanford. Swimming scholarship? Gone. That dude will never do NCAA Div I athletics ever again. His name is Mudd wherever he goes. He’ll be lucky if he’ll be admitted to some third rate public school to get a BA. And hiring/employment ? Maybe some company will let him clean their toilets and vacuum their carpets after 7 pm every work night.
I know another guy who was a teacher and got convicted of statutory raping a girl at the high school he taught at . He knocked her up. She had the baby. Boom. 18 years of child support, but at the same time not allowed a relationship with the child he fathered. He will never teach again. Ever. His teaching license is revoked for life. He did 6 months in a county jail. He went bankrupt. He was found liable in a civil lawsuit for causing damages to the girl he knocked up. He has to pay damages for the rest of his life. He cannot afford to pay them. The damages can’t be discharged in a bankruptcy, so he has to pay them. Every red cent. He works for a university doing IT, and is lucky to have that job. He’s a convicted sex offender. He can’t be around any kids other than his own. Lifetime registration.
No do over. Can’t be undone.
Women who fuck their students? They get famous, like Mary Kay Letourneau or Debra LaFave. They do a slap on the wrist, pay a fine, a few weekends in the county lockup, lose their teaching licenses. Other than that? Nothing. Their dumbass husbands take them back, they get jobs doing something else, they retreat into private life where men make sure they get the things they need. It isn’t undone, but they get a do over. They get a second chance. They get the slate wiped clean, more or less.
Unfortunately there is a very large disconnect between the outcome and the actions of do overs for women. The rotation of bad boys, the frivorce, the credit card splurge. If it smacked them that month they would learn. But the flit about until the window cloises years later and the outcome smacks them.
Deti, those are extreme cases but I agree the outcomes for men can be swift and dangerous. Hence mgtow and married. But the outcome of this hair trigger response of women to “these vile men” wont hit til the baby rabies and they wonder where thge men went.
Example the countries reinforcing single moms worried about collapsing birth rates and supporting a welfare state with no men incented to work.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-09-19/finland-s-welfare-state-has-a-massive-baby-problem
Stuck on Degoba I am
No do-overs for me there are
Horseman: I never expected someone to link news from my country in here. Greetings from Finland!
I have been watching too many Girls und Panzer music videos.
I think that the prevailing attitude about “do-overs” stems from the possibility of women finding a man to bail them out of whatever trouble they have gotten themselves into. This is not a risk free strategy.
Horseman,
It is not just Finland. Everywhere feminism goes, the birth rate is depressed well below the 2.1 that it takes to sustain a population.
“Wait for someone who will love you, care for you, and not leave. Likewise the choice of when and who to marry”
Young Woman-to-be, be aware that “loving” and “caring” and “steadfast” are NOT the same as “monogamous”.
With kamikaze alimony available in almost every jurisdiction, it may be that the best deal you can cut with a fellow who flat-out adores you is that he only brings the better-behaved of his girlfriends home.
~ 5 years for wife-goggles.
Choose the man, not the situation.
Saracen, interesting idea but I am not sure I am following that… Can you explain further?
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/09/20/unshakable-belief/
I just love that we have an International (and interplanetary) crew here!
Not to mention that other species are welcomed.
Don’t. You are worth more than that
……..
How do you know what they are worth?
Deti your friend should run down south to Honduras or Nicgauira
Surprised this hasn’t generated more comments. Great post by the RPG and Deti and the Horseman knocked it out of the park. Women could learn a lot from this post … hope its not overlooked. Decisions matter …
Rosalie
On the ground commentary please. What is it really like in Finland?
Is the fear really there? What are the gender divide like there?
@ Ton, well if they don’t then they are more worth it than if they do. If they do, then they will become more and more emotionally damaged, which is not good. So don’t is better than do. From there, they will need to continue to work to be worth it. 🙂 Anybody can be worth it, if they bring worth. But true, nobody is automatically worth it.
@ mega the real world tales always get far more comments, but I hope this one gets some notice, too. I wish someone had told me this in my youth. And many did, especially I remember my uncle telling me to save 10%. But I didn’t. I really wish I had now. I calculated it the other day and lets just say I’d be sitting damn pretty by now! Not that I did as poorly as some, but I wish I had listened.
Well the roomie has already run thru the water tank in her beau’s camper, and the waste tank is full. She was freaking out bc he didn’t show her how that works. I am sure bc she was already overwhelmed as it was. So I told her not to worry, we can figure it out. Conserve or use the house kitchen and bath in the meantime. Then she said, “yeah he’ll be back in a few days.” Awkward silence. Then I say, “I thought he said two weeks?” I could see the freakput so I switched back to the camper issue, and how to solve it. She calmed down. I guess now she knows… It sucks they have that level of non communication but I am sure he knows all to well it’s not worth the battle ahead of time. Maybe if she were better at coping and wouldn’t lose her s#it, maybe it wouldn’t be like that? A worthy co-captain doesn’t freak out at every little thing. They support the captain and stand ready to help as needed.
The dancer will be assisting w this camper biz as she is even more resourceful than I am. She jokes she has cockroach DNA and would even survive a nuclear event if needed. And from what I have seen I believe it. I have yet to see her freak out or back down from a challenge. Resillancy is a great quality. Which gal would a thinking guy choose? The one who has a can-do attitude? Or the one who freaks and loses it at the smallest thing?
It sounds as if your roomie is totally dependent on men, to the point where she is helpless on her own. It might be good if she can admit to this dependence.
@ fuzzie true. But as far as I can see rather than admit it she gets mad at them for it, driving them away even as they try to still help her. The dancer otoh is highly capable, but never acts like she doesn’t need or want a guy, nor does she resent help. It’s hard to put into words. It’s not endearing in person, the helplessness while at the same time lashing out at those trying to help.
Two very different women. Men are at a disadvantage with the helpless one. That flaw in her makeup is not likely to be discovered until after they move in together. I hope there aren’t too many of these things that have to be resolved.
” interesting idea but I am not sure I am following that… Can you explain further?”
I shall try, leading with the dynamics.
Let me set the scene. Sub-text in […]
To Wife (or functional equivalent)
“Hi Hon’, I am bringing No. 3 girlfriend to the dinner on Saturday [this is not negotiable]. It is Melanie from Accounting, she is a bit ditzy but sweet [no playing head games with her], and she’ll behave [she will treat you with the courtesy due my wife and mother-to-be of my children or be run out of my life]. Take me aside if you need to [feel the desire to assert unwarranted control], but I expect not [make me proud].”
To #3 Girlfriend
“Hi Mel’, come to dinner on Saturday. It is friends and family [I want to see how far into my world you can be trusted]. Dress is Summer Casual and Discreet [sun dress or shorts, no tokens of allure or possession, no hoop ear-rings, no mini-skirts, no ankle charms]. You will be there as a Friend and Colleague [we can hold hands up to the door, but once arrived nothing more than a peck on my cheek or hold my elbow] and it is a social occasion [you can make a move on anyone but me]. Hang close as long as you need to, then mingle [be accepted, be comfortable]. Flirt if you want to [I am wholly secure in your affections, so have fun]. Tell the bald truth if you need to [lying dishonors both you and me, and there is no need to second-guess yourself]. Give me the high-sign if get out of your depth [honest slips are fine] and you can talk to Mrs S about anything [although you might not want to!]. I shall take you home any time you wish [personally, but then return to the party].”
If a lady can be gracious in front of her competition she is probably a keeper.
t doesn’t matter if she melts down before or after as long as she has your back on the day. Think of it as a Guy Shit Test. A long, thorough one.
@fuzzie hopefully we can help her learn to be more constructive/productive. I freak out too at times, but I have learned spinning out doesn’t help. Taking a deep breath and then focusing on the solution and reverse engineering it from there does. I try to focus on the solution, not the problem. 🙂
For expletive, camper is full of waste water and out of water. Hummm. Who do I know that I can ask? Maybe I can search on you tube. Lets examine this thing and just see where everything is. This door is locked to get into the freshwater refill. Where are the keys? Which one fits? Ok this one. Lets look inside. Ok looks like a hose attaches here, and water can be poured in here. Ok. Where does the water come out? Ok here it is. There’s a RV dump station not far away but it’s late. Better go in the morning when the attendant is likely there just in case. Ok so that means moving this. What needs to happen to do that? Ok stuff needs packed up and secured, that can be done now…. And so on…. Vs her frantically circling the thing and worrying about the problem, catastrophizing w every step. And I actually walked her thru it just like this, saying the thoughts out loud, figuring it out step by step. Hopefully it helped her learn a new way to approach problems! Focus on the solution!
Horseman: I don’t really know what gender divide means… could you explain so then I know I will answer the right way. Sorry. A little language barrier.
Do you mean fear of not having enough children? That is a two sided thing here. Sure people are worried about sustaining the population but then again because of the changes in economy (also globalism and advanced technology) there isn’t enough work for everybody. Therefore maybe the population should be reduced a little to ensure that there won’t be too many unemployed in the future.
RPG,
I hope that some of that sunk in. It seems to me that she has always had a man at hand to deal with problems.
@ fuzzie perhaps re always having a man…. On call. Otter, for example. She didn’t want to stay married bc, as he puts it, she didn’t have faith in him. When there were bills she would worry and fret rather than *believe* he could and would take care of things as needed. He always worked extra when needed, but she still felt she was somehow better off without him. Like he was holding her back, rather than they were in it together. Yet after the divorce she still fully expects he will be at her beck and call, “has” to help whenever needed. That’s actually not cool, really. He does bc he’s a good person but really, is that fair? In a similar way she expects a lot from the bf, but for years pushed him away at the same time, saying she needed “her own space” and “to do it herself.” But he was supposed to financially subsidize that, until she suddenly decided she no longer wanted that, but for him to kick out his brood or for her and him to get their own place, instead. With Otter on speed dial to pick up the slack. Even now, I am basically making up for her poor choices, because I fell for her sob story that she was going to “have to” move back to Las Vegas (which she hates) and live w her parents. Hopefully she will pull her weight in exchange, make my life easier for the favor. And our rental agreement requires either cash or the equivalent in labor, noted on a monthly time card in writing. Even so I priced it below market value, to “help her.” Or is it enabling her? Are we all enabling her? I guess time will tell. She’s certainly not stood on her own two feet for some time, despite her “single independent woman” status. Hummm….
Meanwhile, as I walk her through solving her problem of the camper, she has no children and no responsibilities. I have children and lots of responsibilities. I pay a whole lot more a month in mortgage. I provide part time jobs for four people. I am in the busiest time of the year for my biz. Do I have time, really, to handhold a 43 year old adult who is in the position she is in not by bad luck but by her own bad choices? Maybe not the brightest move ever but I know I will be expecting a return on my investment. I hope she delivers…
RPG, I think I’ll just say this bluntly. You are being played for a fool by this female. Just like the ex-husband is. He is an idiot for allowing the to pick his strings, hopefully you are not
Correction: “He is an idiot for allowing HER to pick his strings…”
@ Larry G, the more I think about it, the more I fear you are right. I guess if so I will learn not to fall for sad stories!
My sympathy for females who frivorce good men is pretty low….kill your own damn spiders…..homeless? tough, find someone who cares…..need repairs on the house? Hire a MAN to get it done. Nope, zero compassion
RPG,
While I hope that it ends well, she is tying up too much of your energy.
I think that I know why you’re up at this hour. The kittens are playing with their very favorite pet human.
What still gets me is this really screwed up entitled attitude of western females, as if the world in general and men in particular, owes them something…no one owes females a damn thing. Lemme see, ah yes…the woman was created to be a HELP MATE for the man (read that someplace awhile back). So if a woman can’t or won’t be that help mate, she is pretty much worthless to any man. Just a little tired of hearing similar sniveling and whining from females around me..
and just for clarification “Just a little tired of hearing similar sniveling and whining from females around me..” does NOT include my wife. That woman is a true help mate for me in the Biblical sense and is a gift
True Fuzzie re too much energy. I will be more mindful of that, as I really don’t have much energy to spare.
Yes the kittens are keeping me up, as well. They are now eating on their own which is great but they still want to be next to a larger warm body most of the time, which makes them feel safe. The four of them are currently in a pile on my chest/neck and I am laying here wide awake trying not to move! What’s wrong w this picture? Lol. There are also two dogs in the bed, one on the floor, and an adult kitty on my pillow as well. I wasn’t kidding when I said this place is feeling like a zoo lately!
@larry, exactly. It’s the assumption that such women are simply “owed” all these accommodations despite their own choices that irks me too, honestly!
Maybe the tone of this post was too compassionate? Perhaps, “go ahead and make your own choices, sustained, but when they are bad ones nobody’s going to bail you out. Suck it up, buttercup! Just like guys have to.” How’s that? Lol.
Oops that’s sista not sustained. Darn autocorrect! 🙂
“Suck it up, buttercup! Just like guys have to.” should be the mandatory mantra for all SIW, SJW and weirdo feminist types.
And you are forgiven for “sustained”, just wait till the power grid goes off line and the new/old auto-correct becomes the reverse end of a pencil. Now won’t that be serious giggles?
The flip side of “no do-overs” for men is that men are expected to know how to rebuild. And they forfeit the respect of men and women if they don’t. Meanwhile 23% of women over 40 are on psychotropics.
Do-over female: “Come back, I’ll be nice this time. Why are you laughing?
Rebuilding female: “Rebuild? That’s not fair, I was abused.”
Do-over male: “I want my wife back.” Do-over male friend: “Shut up, asshole.”
Rebuilding male: “Another couple of months and I’ll be able to rent a trailer.”
One of the happiest guys I know is retired army. Two children, divorced, accused of domestic abuse, thrown out of house. Wife didn’t pay rent (she’s a convicted meth head). Landlord moved everything in the house into the front yard, and then took all of it to the dump. He lost all his tools, clothing, personal objects. When I met him it was October and he lived in a tent at a county park. He didn’t have long sleeve shirts or a jacket.
Saw him with his two children last weekend at the drug store, and they all were just beaming. He lives in a trailer and has full custody.
***
RPG, I think your houseguest has passed her sell-by date. It doesn’t get better from here.
great advice as usual. You should really consider teaching a course to young women around the country.
“great advice as usual. You should really consider teaching a course to young women around the country.”
all two of them that actually might show up sober?
I pander if I would get drawn and quartered for the “blasphemy” I speak? Lol. Hopefully the blog is helping some. I wish all young women today had access to sound advice, not just “go gurrrl” bs. Maybe I should turn this blog into a book? 🙂
Lol Larry! From what I hear, generation z is kind of already on board this train. They see feminism has failed, and long for a return to a traditional lifestyle. Maybe we reached peak cray cray? One can hope!
Bloom
Agree with Larry, she is not your problem, I just hope she will go when you need her to.
Re the camper. Hey this is my new business. Doing basic husband shit for divorcees. Fill a trailer water trank? Hell I filled my manhandling jugs not a hose, and the waste? Hook up the hose, clamp it, open the valve, gravity does the rest.
Putting up storm shutters and cleaning gutters will keep me busy for weeks. Imagine mrs trainwreck stringing christmas lights?
Everyone is right with variations of guys just suck it up.
Not all do successfully hence male suicide and depression.
But what guy Ever had a female Otter on his speed dial.
Also Otter has a heart of gold…but the brains of a turnip.
Horseman, those silly women actually PAY good Yankee dollars to do some of that basic shit for them? I’m in the wrong business….Maybe add to your divorcee service list Spider Killing and Chasing Snakes out of the yard?….
–
“Also Otter has a heart of gold…but the brains of a turnip”. I won’t criticize him but I
have to agree with you.
Pay Horseman Loonies they do
Actually there is probably good money in the “husband help for hire” market because its true, most women cannot or will not do those tasks. I don’t do ladders, or gutters, for example, and myself have several cases of delayed maintenance I am just working around bc I don’t have the skills to fix them. Like a washing machine stuck on small load only and a water heater with calcification build up so my hot water is at a trickle. Yep! Sad but true!
And the dancer says to me just now, “wait, how did you get in the biz of babysitting a grown ass woman again?” Love that gal! 🙂 and she’s right, I don’t want to be in that biz nor do I have time to be.
“wait, how did you get in the biz of babysitting a grown ass woman again?” That sounds like something you might have said to someone else not that frigging long ago…maybe you need to take a hint ?
Larry.
In last few weeks I have been paid to:
Restrung an electric fence and put in grounding poles.
Changed the blades on a riding mower and readjust the deck
Cleaned gutters on a dozen houses and put up shutters
Closed two cottages (drain water system, take in dock, pull the boat out)
Dug postholes for a pool fence
On top of rotation of barn mucking and animal turnouts.
I will not do inside the house work in case of accusations.
Its all stuff a “repairman” like a plumber won’t do but the womenz cant or wont.
And yes I seriously already have requests to string christmas lights come november.
Rosalie
The gender divide means the silent war between feminists and men particularly mgtow. Is it really as pro woman as in the papers and how is the average man reacting.
dang! If you don’t mind me asking, how much do they pay? Per hour or job? and hell yeah, you are smart to stay out of the house. maybe get yourself a body cam?
LOL. Yeah… you’ll probably get a ton of crap for your wise words, but the world needs it notwithstanding. You have one strong/solid supporter here at least. Keep keeping on… nice work.
I dont need the money so I just say pay me what you think its worth. Thery cheap out I don’t go back. Most overpay. Usually a hundred for a half day. One was so grateful I closed her cottage wanted to give me 500 for aboiut five hours work. I took 300.
Its all word of mouth referals from people I know or other clients so I can vett the wackjobs.
A couple of older farmers I stacked their hay for free just for fun and beers after.