My youngest came home with an assignment from school the other day illustrating the concept of having, “a growth mindset.”
In short the idea is simple, instead of telling yourself self-defeating or self-limiting messages, take a growth mindset to the areas you currently struggle in, whatever those may be.
In her case it was school-based — whether the struggle was reading, math, writing, or PE, instead of thinking, “I can’t” or “I am not good at” the kids were encouraged to think positively, “I can and will do better. I can do better with practice and if I don’t give up.”
It’s a better mindset than, “halfway is good enough,” or “I am just not a natural so why try?” In reality the secret to winning in life is often simply not giving up until you reach the finish line. Day after day.
Maybe not everyone can be a math major, or a Nobel prize winning author, or an astronaught, or whatever, but everyone can strive to do their best with what they have been given, both talents and weaknesses.
There is always room for improvement. And isn’t taking a positive approach to the struggles of life far better than a negative one?
Let those with ears hear.
Sounds like you’ve been reading some Cernovich;
https://www.dangerandplay.com/2017/07/14/kindle-daily-deal-how-many-books-will-you-sell/
RPG,
This would mesh well with your tendency to see things as Pollyanna would. It may help kids of her age, but it is sad that they are being beaten into cynicism already.
Carol Dweck has done some interesting work related to this topic. In a nutshell, it is better to praise kids for hard work than for being smart, or being artistically talented, or whatever:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=2877896&page=1
@gla, I haven’t read Cernovich since prior to the election, and then honestly briefly so. I don’t have a lot of time for following rp or rp lite blogs, I am just kinda doing my own thing, not that I don’t support others doing theirs, too! I can barely read comments here, or write posts! So I am no authority on the well known. Lol. Anyone trying to be “a face” is honestly suspect in my mind. Call me a cynic. I appreciate those on the front lines, I do, so long as it is not (solely) for their own gain or glory.
The chief problem I see with many is the attitude of “Well, we’re doing OK. We’re like everyone else. Everyone has problems and they deal with them. We do too but we deal with them and we’re doing OK.”
In other words, the goal is mediocrity.
People are like water, they follow the course of least resistance. They do not think, they do not plan and as they muddle along their goal is mediocrity.
As a result, they are sheep fit only for shearing on a regular basis and later slaughter and a quick trip to the BBQ.
lol soo true a Toad! Perhaps learning to operate, or at least recognize, the BBQ is a growth mindset!
i read the book, Now Discover Your Strengths, by Buckingham and Clifton when it first came out all those years ago. it talks about not only knowing and capitalizing on our strengths but also knowing and understanding our weaknesses. it’s okay to have weaknesses, but when they deter us or get in the way of us being successful with out strengths then we need to do something about them. we don’t need to make our weaknesses our strengths, rather we need to neutralize them so they don’t hinder us in being successful with our strengths.
for example, if math isn’t your strength, you don’t have to make it your strength … but you need to do well enough that it doesn’t hinder you from being successful in other areas – like knowing how to balance your bank account, etc.
i’ve applied that to parenting. it’s not bad that my girls have weaknesses … it’s only bad if they use their weaknesses as an excuse not to be successful in their strengths.
i wonder that sometimes life is so overwhelming that it keeps us from stretching beyond mediocrity for a season, and then when things calm down we’re so comfortable there that we’ve become complacent. or we’re too worn out from those hard times to care. and then we get to mid-life and wonder if it’s even worth it to try to change things anymore – like, what’s the point anyway. sometimes i long for the innocence of youth, when the world seemed conquerable, and the fight seemed more worth it.
True ame, I have known people who have had extra tough goes in life who effectively get worn down by it. Or who turn bitter. The ones I admire most are those who somehow turn those experiences into rocket fuel, propelling themselves even further than w/o those struggles. I am fascinated by what makes that happen when it would seemingly be easier to wallow. As dancer says, “when life gives me lemons, I don’t just make lemonade, I make chocolate cake and leave them all wondering how I did it!” (Dancer has a medical condition since birth that wasn’t diagnosed until she was 30. She had fluid in her skull, which prevented about 1/4 of her brain from forming and caused terrible throw up migraines daily. Her single mother was neglectful and abusive, didn’t believe her, and convinced the doctors she was faking it for attention. Finally at 30 she got medical treatment to drain the fluid and stop the daily headaches. A doctor i know on a personal level who heard this story stood there with a look of pure admiration, knowing how dibilitatingly painful that must have been. Anyway, is she bitter about any of this? No! Amazingly not. She doesn’t speak w her mother, which sounds wise, but she also doesn’t let it hold her back. Roomie on the other hand had a fairly happy childhood, two parents, etc. but has very little ability to cope w adversity. Hopefully Dancer rubs off on her! Perhaps we are born w a personality that is adaptive or not? I see more adaptability in my youngest vs my oldest, although I am working to teach my oldest to learn to “bounce” w life more.)
Ame
I think part of it is that if an excellence mindset is not inculcated young it is probably not going to be adopted in adulthood. The young bounce when they fall down, the older folks break. They know this and it’s a fear-driven mentality of “what if”.
Many years ago a very influential book in my life was “Amusing Ourselves To Death” by Neil Postman. After reading that book, watching TV is intellectually indefensible. Probably why the book wasn’t very popular. Another influential book was “The Underground History of American Education” by John Taylor Gatto. It’s an entertaining and exhaustive case for the fact that the American School System was set up (by design and intention) to dumb down the students. A third book was “To Train Up A Child” by Michael and Debi Pearl. IMO, it’s the only child-rearing book worth reading and should be required reading by every parent while their first child is in the womb.
So, we had no TV in our home, we used the methods contained in TTUAC and our children were homeschooled. There were other things, like not vaccinating the kids and having a very low-sugar diet, but our children were bright, healthy, curious, cheerful and obedient. In other words, they put “ordinary” children to shame. That was especially evident at family gatherings.
And… it also provoked the complaint of “Why do we have to be different? Why can’t we be like everyone else”
The answer was always “Because we are not like everyone else.”
The rest of the story is predictable, I won’t bother detailing it, but the children do show some signs of learning those lessons early. They compete to win and they don’t sit on their asses, despite all that’s been done to them.
RPG,
Dancer is fortunate. Most people wound not have bounced back from that.
It has been a while. How about an update on Roomie and the kittens?
@ fuzzie roomie and I had a heart to heart yesterday. She was as usual running down the bf and so I played ddvil’s advocate, explaining none of this was “his fault” and how actually he did all he could, being downsized recently himself, to get her safe and secure. And how until he gets his employment figured out he’d be unlikely to be able to do anything more. So she shouldn’t fight w him which only will make everything worse. Hopefully some of that sunk in.
One kitten has gone to his forever home, the other three are getting ready to go this weekend. Sniff. I will miss them! Luckily Dancer is caring for one for her oldest until her oldest gets a place, so we’ll at least have one for a bit longer…
RPG,
I hope that you did get through to Roomie. Somehow, she has to convert from bing a solo into a team player.
Good news on the kittens, but I can see your point about giving them up *sniff*
No! The bear does not eat the cat. It’s Ok. Go ahead and watch.
I am fascinated by what makes that happen when it would seemingly be easier to wallow.
i wonder about things like this, too 🙂
I think part of it is that if an excellence mindset is not inculcated young it is probably not going to be adopted in adulthood.
i agree it begins young … but i wonder what is really the root. i know the bible speaks of personalities in the womb – which is overwhelming for me. so is it personality? is it innate or created or developed? is it easier for some than others regardless of the environment they grew up in?
but the children do show some signs of learning those lessons early. They compete to win and they don’t sit on their asses, despite all that’s been done to them.
🙂
Ame most infp faced unhappy childhoods, myself and yourself included, and rose above. Were we born that or made that? And does it matter as much as what we became? Nature? Nurture? Hard to say.
Tonight dancer and I had that hard conversation, “why would a loving God allow such suffering?” I have no answer but this, “you chose light, not darkness. You chose the right path. I don’t know why but I am glad you did.” She said, “well I am pissed at God.” I said, “understood. He can take it. Get it out. But know God is light, you choose light, light is the best and only choice regardless.” And she agreed she would rather fight God and wrestle w why than play her hurt forward. Good for her! I pray in time she will see it was not God who hurt her, nor ever wanted that. Her abuser invoked God’s name to justify it. To that I said, “there’s a special place in hell for those.” And she said, “amen.” 😥
most infp faced unhappy childhoods
i did not know that; interesting.
i’ve seen stuff on the nature vs nurture and find it fascinating.
“why would a loving God allow such suffering?”
the age-old question that i think we all must face. i’m not sure anyone ever comes to a satisfactory answer so much as they come to a place of peace that, regardless of whether or not we understand, we accept that God IS.
She said, “well I am pissed at God.” I said, “understood. He can take it. Get it out.
i agree – if God is God, then He can handle our anger … good thing, too 🙂
Her abuser invoked God’s name to justify it.
yeah … we’ve had that here w/my girls’ dad and his parents. what they’ve done in the name of God shocks me. and makes me grateful i’m not God, i’m not Judge, vengeance is God’s and not mine … and grateful that i separated God from church with my girls so they wouldn’t get it all twisted up in their minds (his parents and his brother – retired career pastor). what his dad and brother did during their eulogies at his funeral still shock me. two very prominent people who were also close to the family came up to apologize to me (through my sister as i was tending to my girls) after the funeral for the behavior of his brother and dad.
my parents have used the name of God, too, to justify their behaviors, but in totally different ways.
you know … they must not fear God much. if i’m going to call on the Name of God, i want to make sure i get it right.
RPG,
If God is all powerful, he is responsible for all of it. I don’t like thinking along those lines.
Interesting RPG. You are infp? Is the Myers-Briggs test popular in America?
Rosalie I am not sure how popular the test is but I took it in college and have stead infp four times since. It’s really interesting how well the description fits! What type are you? 🙂
I’m intp
If God is all powerful, he is responsible for all of it. I don’t like thinking along those lines.
God is all-powerful. He *can* stop all evil. Actually, He did when Christ rose from the grave, but the full story hasn’t played out yet, so we still live in a fallen/depraved world.
Satan, referred to in the bible as the ‘prince of this world,’ has limited reign on the earth. Satan doesn’t like that and wants to be more powerful than God. to become more powerful than one’s enemy, one must kill their enemy. Satan tried to kill Jesus, but Jesus defeated death and rose back to life eternal.
God could have created man to always obey Him and be without any evil or sin, but He chose to give us the freedom to choose. in so doing, the first woman and man chose sin – Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden – and were therefore kicked out.
the consequences to that sin continues to play out in this world. but the freedom to individually choose to be slaves to sin/Satan or slaves to God remains. God allows us the freedom to choose – even when bad choices hurt people.
does that mean God is not in control? does that mean God is not all-powerful? no. it means He has given us the freedom to choose. but there are limits. we don’t always know those limits, but Satan does not have free reign. everyone and everything is subject to God.
John 10:10 says, “The thief [Satan] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
Exactly Ame, that’s basically how I explained things to Dancer, that it’s a choice between light or dark and the fact that she chose light despite what happened to her showed me where she’s aligned already. Then she got it and admitted she doesn’t know why or how but she always knew choosing darkness would mean the loss of herself. Her two sisters choose darkness and played the abuse forward. Sadly. I told her I was proud of her for choosing another path. That takes courage and strength. I think she liked that explanation even if it doesn’t answer “why?”
you are good for her, Bloom. you are planting and cultivating beauty in her life 🙂
Then she got it and admitted she doesn’t know why or how but she always knew choosing darkness would mean the loss of herself.
THIS. this always amazes me about God. that indefinable knowing. that is so powerful. cyber (((hugs))) for both of you 🙂