It’s been said in the manosphere that men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. Yesterday, I saw opportunistic loving up close, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.
My new roomie was once again bemoaning her (failed) SIW fate, openly berating her boyfriend of four years for not “manning up” and making all of her problems disappear. In one breath he went from the man of her dreams to a worthless piece of shit.
Shocked at her attitude, I played devil’s advocate. What hadn’t he done, I asked, besides not bailed her out of her own self-created debt and lack of financial planning? Did he owe her that? Did anyone?
On and on she ranted, completely oblivious to how she was speaking of him as a thing rather than a person. She callously blamed him for being downsized at the end of his career, ten years short of retirement, from a high paying executive level job. Instead of any empathy she only expressed disgust at how he had been unable to secure similar work since, at how he had in her opinion misspent his money on his children and himself since, at how every penny not directed HER way was a major crime in her eyes.
Rather than in any way understanding how such a life event might be devastating or demoralizing for HIM, she ranted and raved how it all affected HER. How it ruined HER plan. She pondered aloud how perhaps she should just move on, his utility to her apparently done. She “deserved more,” she said.
It was so sad, so unattractive, so unsupportive. I could only imagine what she must say to him, and it pained me to think what insult to injury it must be. What kind of co-captain would such a woman make? And how could she not see how her own entitled “me, me, me” behavior made it highly unlikely any such offer would be forthcoming.
When I reflected back to her what I saw, she seemed unable to comprehend that it was not HIS responsibility to solve her problems, and that perhaps rather than emasculate and eviserate him for his lack of reemployment she might try to support and encourage him in HIS time of need.
I don’t think any of it got through, nor that she was even listening to anything I said, so wrapped up in her pity party was she. It made me thankful I wasn’t a man, and that I wouldn’t be “loved” like that. Sad. Truly sad.
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
it seems we women have this need to complicate things.
………….
Just now figuring that out darling?
lol!
sheesh … it seems the perpetual lesson that i never permanently learn!
—
was going to say i LOVE being in Ton’s “darling” club … but … you know … that L word! 🙂
LOL
Very well said as far as the breaking point. I try to warn women of this in real life all the time. Don’t withhold sex or use it as a weapon. Don’t threaten him w divorce every time you don’t get your way. Dont run him down in public. Don’t get so overwhelmed by over comitting to other things that he becomes your last priority and/or you are too tired for romance or sex. Don’t take him for granted. Do be available to him sexually and with a happy heart. Do be respectful of him and speak highly of him to others. Do be loyal to him. Do things he likes, things he feels show him you love and care for him (that may be fixing his favorite meals, or doing his hobby with him, or wearing something he likes, or giving him a back rub, or lots of other such things, pack him an awesome lunch, know his favorite things in bed and fo them joyfully, each guy it’s probably different but learn your guys “love language” and do those things.) be appreciative and tell him how much his provision and protection mean to you. Make him proud YOU are his wife. Be the best wife in his whole circle of friends, family, and coworkers. Even when you are hormonal or feeling bitchy, don’t take it out on him. It’s really not all that hard, but I see so few women doing it. Those who do, their husbands love and adore them even after years and years of marriage. Be that woman. After all isn’t it better to be loved and adored than simply endured? Treasure your man’s love! 🙂
My guy has never once said the L word back, even when I say so to him. But that’s ok bc I know he loves me because of all he does for me and how he is there for me. He is like a rock! I never want to be wo him in my life and I never ever ever want to get anywhere near his breaking point! No thanks, I’ll stick to the good stuff!
To be honest I was not a good wife. I messed up big time. In all sorts of ways. in ways described by the guys here. Not that he didn’t also, but I really regret and cringe at the memory of the way I acted at times. I can see now how acting this destroyed things, destroyed both his and my own happiness. It was stupid and I will never do it again. I work hard now to control my emotions and not act that way to my guy now. I was a spoiled selfish brat who didn’t get it AT ALL. And until I found the nano sphere, ironically, I was completely oblivious to it. Society and everyone around me only reaffirmed the destructive behaviors! I am so very glad those guys took the time and clued me in or shared their stories so I could read and learn (even if they could have cared less about helping me.) I can be and am a much better partner for it and am so great full for that! I am very happy now, thanks to the many “bitter, angry, losers” (who aren’t at all that!) of the manosphere! Xoxoxo! You guys may not have known it, but you changed my life 100% for the better!
@ame, we all love Ton! How could we not? 🙂
Sadly I heard from Red today his son attempted suicide this week 😦 the state is now getting involved and they are not buying mom’s excuse that it’s “all those violent video games.” So I hope that Red’s kids will soon be living w him and not her. She can choose an abuser if she wants for herself, but not the kids. Red needed a huge pep talk bc he’s been so beaten down by her himself he was questioning if he could be the custodial parent. To that I said, “what? You are amazing Red! Look if I can do it, I know you can too.” And he seemed lifted up by that. I also made him promise to call me day or night if he needed to talk about it bc I worry Red could easily slip into guilt and maybe do something himself but his kids need him so no time for that. Everyone please send prayers or good vibes to those kids, Red, and that the truth comes out!
Excuse me, I should have said we all love THE TON ™ 🙂
Has anyone got suggestions for blogs suitable to red-pill Red? Some way away from Bloom or other sites where Bloom comments?
Yes, any suggestions to posts or places I could direct Red that aren’t too close to here (bc I am afraid he’d ID me and while he would never do me harm I want to keep this anon) I would sure appreciate it! My guy is also mentoring him, they met thru me, and he’s very RP and can advise Red in ways I can’t. I wish Red would go burn it to the ground on her, but he’s too blue pill right now to even conceptualize that. Thanks Spawny!
To be honest I was not a good wife. I messed up big time. In all sorts of ways. in ways described by the guys here. Not that he didn’t also, but I really regret and cringe at the memory of the way I acted at times. I can see now how acting this destroyed things, destroyed both his and my own happiness. It was stupid and I will never do it again. I work hard now to control my emotions and not act that way to my guy now. I was a spoiled selfish brat who didn’t get it AT ALL.
……………………..
HolymotherfuckingshitsnacksBatman! We found a potential unicorn.
For the non long term readers, our girl has come a long way. She pretty much hated a lot of us and the truth bombs we dropped but she lady parts the fuck up and keep coming back to figure shit out
I wish Red well. I hope that he ends up with his kids. May the Witch be at the end of her credibility.
he’s addictive … we can’t help it! 😉
so sorry to hear that. i will pray for him.
btw – how’s your daughter’s dad?
lol! of course she is! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Yeah I didn’t always want to hear it and I still don’t always get it but thank you THE TON ™ that means a lot to me! I try! Sniff :’)
it’s the only way to learn. facing our own sh** sucks, but it’s necessary. many kudos to our Bloomicorn!
@Ame a year after his accident he’s doing amazing! He’s back to work, does pretty much everything he always did (including ride his motorcycle!), amazingly lost no memory or has any long term brain damage despite the huge blow he took. He has partial vision loss in one eye and will be having surgery on it soon to hopefully regain some more vision, but it’s truly a miracle bc at the time they said he’d be a vegetable.
I told his wife then and joke now, “don’t worry, that man has a thick skull and he’s a Viking, it’s all good!” He does have seven metal plates surrounding his eye bc the socket was shattered so I sometimes think about them digging him up thousands of years from now and thinking, “wow! What a badass!” Lol. I am very happy my daughter still has her dad very functional and same as ever!
wow! that is amazing … i am so grateful she still has her Daddy, too. thanks for the update 🙂
The truth might be hard for ladies to take, but it’s also hard for a lot of men to take. I think that there are just some reasons why men end up around these parts more frequently, because the manosphere is obviously geared towards men.
RPG – I’m glad to hear that you want your girl’s father in her life. It may seem as though I paint a fairly negative picture of my ex, but she and I still both respect that each of us needs to be involved with our son in spite of the divorce. I don’t think that I could understand why anyone would want to take the kids away from an ex, safety issues aside. And though she didn’t want to give 50% custody / time, we were able to ultimately settle on it. A lot of guys don’t get that. Sometimes they don’t pursue it. Sometimes they get screwed by the system. I know that my buddy doesn’t seem to be pursuing it but I honestly don’t know why. Not all guys want to do the halftime parenting thing, but I know that not all mothers do either.
I recall that there was some question as to whether or not Red was drinking a lot. How is he doing?
True most men end up on the manosphere because they have been screwed over by a woman.
A lot of them can be very angry. The other day on here a guy when on a huge rant attacking me because he didnt like my views on men being too passive.
It would be interesting to see what people in the womanosphere are saying about men!
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/09/30/a-fork-in-the-road-for-young-sheilas/
“I never ever ever want to get anywhere near his breaking point! ”
Ditto! I didn’t realize how scary that is until reading some of what you men here think about “the breaking point.” It’s almost worthy of a whole post devoted to it to try to scare women a little. It’s basically mistreatment! Anyone would reach a breaking point enduring that.
To A Dad and JustAGuy, it is nice to see what I thought – that it really is pretty easy to keep your husband extremely happy. All those things you mentioned, especially the sex, I already do and have done for 10 years. He adores me, so it is very scary to think I could lose that. I guess I thought it could be something different to be aware of. But Bloom pretty much covers it in that comment above with all the other supportive things a girlfriend/wife can do. I overthink these things, plus with my husband’s injury, I think I’m a little anxious about how to really support him during this time. 😦 He’s been completely taken away from where he normally works, and has been put in this weird place where they place wounded guys – the wives refer to it as “No Man’s Land” or “The Land of No Return!” It’s like a room in the bottom floors of their headquarters. No windows, nothing to really do except answer calls and do busy, mindless paperwork. There aren’t even very many calls and the men for some reason don’t make small talk with each other. It almost sounds like isolation. When I heard he was going there I was really scared how it would affect him, but he seems to be managing it well in spite of everything. I had a couple of anxiety attacks that first week stressing out about how to help him without “over-helping” him, but then he came in one day a little excited and saying he was going to use the down time to take some classes and get some certifications underway that would raise his pay a few hundred dollars by the end of this. He’s really on top of things like that, so it made me relieved to see he wasn’t even going to allow it to get to him. I think it’s still hard to go there for hours everyday and be almost in a prison cell – I can’t believe there aren’t any window! But at least he has a mission while he’s down there.
Stephanie,
Men do take into account if the woman is trying. I think you are. What I heard from most of these guys is that the woman didn’t try.
Good to hear that your husband is on the mend.
Definitely trying Fuzzie 🙂 And he’s really happy and even after all these years, still is romantic with me in the little things. Last night was fun at the work function thing. I like being around blue-collar people and their families, just so much fun, lots of beer, and music and good food! The stories we heard from other (older) officers were great! 😀
Stephanie,
It is hard to believe that something so simple keeps women away from having a good marriage. As a three year would say, “They’re silly!”
Stephanie – I think that nobody wants things to turn sour. They just do. I never would have expected the outcome of my marriage which ended in divorce.
I’m not sure that everyone is willing to weather the storm. I’m envious of those couples that can do it. I don’t want to give you the impression that I wasn’t without my faults, but I think that people need to be willing to work through it. I’ve learned from my mistakes. Not planning on being in the same situation again, but nobody does.
I was with my ex for nearly 20 years. We were married for most of it.
But it’s a real thing where many women lose trust or respect for their man in times where he needs her most. Imagine if the scenario were a bit different, regarding the injury, and instead of being supportive you actually lost faith in his ability as a provider. Maybe you would no longer feel safe with him. Would you blame him, or would you accept that sometimes bad things happen? My ex changed a lot on that very moment where she had absolute fear when I lost my job (agan – it wasn’t just me who lost it). I turned it around immediately, but something never seemed the same in the relationship. It’s like she previously saw me as unbreakable, and she discovered that I was just a man. Frame is a real thing. It’s a lie that most men can be sensitive around women. Even if she says she wants that, she’s not going to see him the same way if he ever shows a vulnerability. She might even try to control or manipulate him. I don’t even think it’s a conscious thing for many women. It just happens.
Honest question. Has your man ever shown any sign of emotion or weakness? Has he ever shown tears in front of you? Most of the time, a man is just expected to get right back on his feet without any help from someone else. Used to be that men could confide in other men for this sort of thing, but now it’s not that way. Lots of guys live without close friends and family to fall back on.
@ A Dad,
To answer your questions:
“But it’s a real thing where many women lose trust or respect for their man in times where he needs her most.”
Yea I don’t understand that though. Maybe it’s because we went through a lot at the beginning of our marriage that if we were going to have divorced, it would have been during those really hard times I don’t know. But no, even when he’s told me he felt like he was failing as a provider, I always encouraged him and told him I knew he could do it and that he wasn’t failing.
“Imagine if the scenario were a bit different, regarding the injury, and instead of being supportive you actually lost faith in his ability as a provider.”
I’ve imagined, probably because it’s a real risk, him getting disabled from an injury, and what that would look like for me to go back to work to provide for him and our family. Even worst case scenarios where I’d need to be his caretaker. It could happen anytime he’s out there working, so I think police wives have to figure out if they’re ok with that or not, if they could support their husbands not only emotionally, but physically and financially.
“Maybe you would no longer feel safe with him. Would you blame him, or would you accept that sometimes bad things happen?”
If something worse happened, no I wouldn’t blame him. I don’t think I’d lose respect for him either. I definitely didn’t lose any respect for him with this injury, just was worried that it would make him lose respect for himself and wondering how I would help with that without making it worse because he would feel like I was pitying him or something.
“Honest question. Has your man ever shown any sign of emotion or weakness? Has he ever shown tears in front of you? Most of the time, a man is just expected to get right back on his feet without any help from someone else. ”
It’s really hard to remember when he’s shown tears… very rarely. Emotion or weakness? Yes, and it did feel uncomfortable, I guess women really do want to think like you said that their man is unbreakable, but a normal person (you’d think!) would realize people are human. He’s there for me when I need him, so it would feel strange to not be there for him when he needs me the most (through emotionally vulnerable times). He’s had various doubts and fears and points of weakness at times, I just constantly choose to help him focus on the good things and his strong points. He’s lucky that he actually does have other men to go to about things like that though, maybe that helps. It’s his comrades lol… especially the ones 10-20 years older that he talks to and trusts. They like me 🙂 so that helps. He never could go to his family… his dad was awful and actually made him think he was stupid and useless. Years ago he told me I was the only person who believed in him in his life. He wasn’t close with his mom for some reason, so he didn’t even have a mother who believed in him.
@ a dad, this is hard to explain, but zip will try. When a man loses his job, some hind brain thing kicks in and the woman can go into “save herself” mode. Which is really sad but I believe is an almost automatic reaction. It’s not about you, although of course it feels very much so. But it’s about her primitive fight or flight getting triggered. Men choose fight, women bc of our vulnerable nature usually choose flight. It’s basic survival mode then, totally irrational, totally ruthless. Not pretty. I am sure in some cases women needed that, but today a small setback can trigger this same reaction in a woman and just drive her to implode everything, when in reality that is NOT necessary. I am not sure I am explaining it right but I wish women talked about it more so those feelings, when they surface, are seen as nonsense rather than marching orders. Too many women blow up a good thing bc of this primitively reaction to perceived threat.
Be warned, I am gonna put the smackdown and drop the motherfucker of truthbombs because this has been an amazing thread and if you ladies read this far you are brave enough for it.
Wanna know the reason men love romantically and have delusions (yup delusions cause it aint real) that you love them romantically to??
Well we feel just as deeply,
hurt just as badly,
fear, weep, just as much
as all the selfish, self absorbed women out there.
But everyone doesn’t want us to be human, to feel.
You have read our stories. Some of you “weep for us”
But we can not, must not weep for ourselves.
EVER!
Know what our ideal of romantic love is? The Truth.
One person out of the 9 billion on the planet, just one
That we can drop the guard, to feel all of our feelings and not be judged.
From Into the West.
“Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
The night is falling
You have come to journey’s end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You’re only sleeping”
To have one person love us to let US be comforted for a change.
We pick You. Out of Billions, billions.
Not because you are cute or sexy or funny or whatever the fuck.
We marry for one reason.
Because we think we can be Human, like you, in front of you.
And the selfish, hurtful bitches actually have the gaul to ask
“Honest question. Has your man ever shown any sign of emotion or weakness? Has he ever shown tears in front of you? Most of the time, a man is just expected to get right back on his feet without any help from someone else. ”
The question is have you ever Let him be human, a feeling person in front of you.
And the answer for most is
No, I never have.
In fact I basically don’t bother to think he HAS emotions cause I get scared, bored, uninterested when he shows them.
And you wonder why most men think you are selfish bitches not worth our time.
Many of you try, thank you for that.
But just think, the next time you cry he was to say “shut the fuck up, you are boring me.”
That is what the average woman does…frequently.
Rant over.
He wont admit it but at some point even the mighty Ton wanted to be
“Safe in my arms, your only sleeping.”
But then he, like the rest of us Manned Up, Sacked Up, pushed those feelings down and went out and did what Men do: soldier, protect, work, perform.
Anyway, that will be the only time I emote like that
Cause it makes womenz uncomfortable and the men see it as unmanly.
But I get bruce banner angry when I hear the
“Has your man ever cried etc. In front of you”
Cause the truth is “yeah, he did, likely within the past month”
But inside cause there is no way in fuck he will ever do it on the outside.
He KNOWS better.
And this is not meant at Bloom specifically but think about this
@ a dad, this is hard to explain, but zip will try. When a man loses his job, some hind brain thing kicks in and the woman can go into “save herself” mode. Which is really sad but I believe is an almost automatic reaction.
He loses his job, traumatic, like suicide traumaticfor many men.
And the woman goes into save herself mode.
How Fucking Selfish Is That
Fuck You Too.
Trust me, I know.
Fired at 53 literally because I was the oldest manager.
Destroyed my life.
Thank the gods my wife actually let me feel so I could recover.
home should be “Safe” for all of us. i like to think i offer and protect that for my Husband and our children. i know i do for my girls; i’ll have to ask him. he’s told me that he feels safe with me but i haven’t asked him in this way before.
i will say my not-as-patient-place is *not* in knowing or hearing or allowing anyone to be human … but it’s in them staying in a bad place or not doing anything to change what they don’t like when possible. i’m quick to change direction if ‘it’ isn’t working (though i’ve noticed i’m slowing down on that as i’m getting older – eeek!).
this has caused friction a few times, but i’ve learned a thing or two over the years and am able to back off much more quickly than when i was younger.
– – –
it’s probably been a couple years now, but one day my step son and i were driving somewhere. my Husband (his dad) called and let me know he decided not to do something i wanted him to do. i wasn’t super angry but i was upset, and after we hung up i said to my step son, “Sometimes your Dad makes me angry, but I really do love him!” i wasn’t mean – i was light-hearted and real. and my step son replied, “That’s what I hope to find someday – someone who sees me as I am and loves me anyway.” i’ve never forgotten that moment.
it’s hard to get through this life anymore without loosing one’s job at least once along the way.
my Husband’s company has been bought out two or three times in the 8+ years we’ve been married. he’s come home a few times and asked what i would do if he was one of the ones cut, and i told him the truth. we’d get through it, together.
i have a different pov on some things than our Good Horseman, here 🙂
i do believe we have to work for what we have, but i believe we are able to work b/c God enables us to do so – He gives us the knowledge, ability, drive, etc, to work. i believe God is our ultimate Provider. this is actually more difficult to live than believe. there were several years where i lived with what God had given me today, trusting that tomorrow He would provide for me tomorrow – i call it living on the Manna Plan (from Exodus 16 – https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2016&version=NKJV;HCSB). while i had believed this to be true, it was when i was actually faced with the reality of not having anything (as an adult) that i had to live out what i believed. BUT! now that i have been there, done that … i don’t fear it. not that i ever want to go back to those years again, but i know i can.
– – –
it really sucks you’ve had to go through that, Horseman, and while, as a woman i cannot begin to understand what that’s like to go through as a man, i am grateful your wife stuck by your side. 🙂
Just to be clear, I am not mad at any women here, just the concept in general.
Mgtowhorseman – I get it, man. Imagine being far away from extended family. No friends, because wife and kids are the priority when coming home from work. She’s spent years developing a network of friends on playdates, coffee trips with the girls, etc. He has his wife. Doesn’t need anyone else, right?
Wife is the only person left to confide in. She can’t handle it. Wants to talk about her day. Guy loses his job. How does he tell her, and how does she react?
It’s no wonder that the suicide rate is so high among divorced men. They lose more than just money. The situation is probably pretty common. I know that some guys here have been through the same shit. Slightly different story.
Losing a job is just one instance. It could be any strong event that a woman would emote over but a man just soldier on.
A parent die, a child be injured, lose a job, be in combat, work in EMS.
Why do we have to even ask can men show strong emotion other than anger.
Have you ever held a 3 month old nephew on the day you know he is going to die?
I have.
Have you ever been terrified because you child is being born 6 weeks early in an emergency c section?
I have.
Have you ever helped you best friend sign the papers to turn off the life support for his braindead father?
I have.
The fact anyone would have to ask if I felt anything???
No I Am A Fucking Robot, give your head a shake.
The fact that the question exists PROVES romantic love cannot exist because one party is not seen as having basic human emotions.
video at end of article:
https://animalchannel.co/cat-saves-vets-life/?utm_source=htip&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=undefined
@ horseman I get it, I know you aren’t talking about me personally. I hope that in that situation I would not go into that mode, but be supportive and empathetic and constructive. Too many women react the opposite. Like the roomie is in the post above. freaking out rather than holdibg it together. making it about HER, even tho it was his loss. Sad
Ame,
Great video!
After reading the last few comments, even being red pilled and alpha as can be is no defense. A few months ago, Morpheus checked in. He was one of the four principals aft Just 4 Guys; He lost his job and his wife dumped him.I was going to say something about loyalty, but maybe it is best left there. I hope that he has found a better job and a better girl.
Women, if you have a question in life, odds are good a man has already answered it for you
https://tonsplace.wordpress.com/2017/10/01/all-a-woman-needs-to-know-in-one-old-ass-song-by-the-legendary-ray-charles/
I think that nobody wants things to turn sour.
……..
I know you are wrong. Not only do lawyers benefit directly, as does local governments, there is an entire tribe with a well documented history of deliberately attacking their host culture from with in and their is always people who short stocks, make money of of natural disasters etc
Not to mention a lot of chicks love the drama and attention garnered from a failed marriage
Has your man ever shown any sign of emotion or weakness
……..
One is either a man or emotionally weak.
Dad, your frame and mental point of orgin still needs work. Easy to tell by how you frame certian questions like that one. And it’s ok my man, we are all works in progress.
A man with frame has emotions, the joy of a new born son, the depth of loss when he puts down his two favorite dogs, the pride of watching his 1st born son one punch/ sucker punch KO some drunk dude on the beach….. when your frame is right your emotions will be apporiote for the situation and wont be weakness
I suggest you read up on the stoic letters from Senca and that other bad ass mother fucker who’s name I can’t spell.
I too am watching a friend try to cajole her man into picking up responsibility for her life and her past mistakes. She works in Britain now but comes from a much more ecomically disadvantaged county. At age 18, she got together with a man from another country, married him, had 2 children with him and moved her family out to his country on the promise of riches and a better life. Although the country he comes from does not have a particularly good track record on womens rights (I use that word in a conventional sense perhaps not an RP sense). His family were supposed to be wealthy so my friend, her parents and the children emigrated. Things went very badly for her including him offering her to friends/business colleagues for sex in repayment of debts. I meet her 5 years on when her parents return to their country of origin and my friend leaves them bringing up her children and comes to the UK to make money to send home to provide for the family. Things are never black and white are they in terms of bad girl/good girl? She’s been a silly girl (and only 18 years of age) but has in many ways stepped up to make good. In red pill terms, here is the issue for me. She is trying to cajole her new partner to let her bring her family to the UK and essentially force his arm into being provider for them along side her. He has always said to me that he never wants children and has been discussing getting a vasectomy. He is around 28 years old and the couple only just hold things together financially and just about afford themselves a one bedroom apartment. If it were only that single issue, but I also witness her emotional unstability, crying, dramas etc. My partner and I had to listen to the on going saga last night and find ourselves compromised in what advice we want to give her and what is deemed ‘acceptable’ advice.
I do hope her new partner retains the courage of his convictions.
Heath, welcome! I hope I can help!
I would advise your friend to only seek relationships with men who desire marriage and to do everything she can to work on developing the emotional control and such to not be drama. To continue a relationship w a man who does not want children or to be a provider/protector seems like folly to me. She can’t “push” a man into this.
As she found its not simply money, or class, it’s also critical to seek a man of good character. True, she’s made mistakes and had some bad luck, but so have I. So all hope is not lost but she needs to be honest about the situation w herself first. Once I knew what to look for in my situation, I prayed and hoped and also did not consider the many men who approached but who did not fit that. Not to say those men are not good, or that their choice to be mtgow or to not take on a woman w children is not wise, but I also was what I was and am who I am. I found a wonderful man who fits all the things I prayed for. So it can happen. But a woman can’t “force” a man into things. If she’s having to, best to end things.
My roomie, her bf maybe would commit again. I can see it in him. But in her case she’s blown it with her behavior, demands, and drama. So some men will never commit, and should in my opinion be avoided. And then sometimes it’s not that he won’t commit, it’s that she is not proving worthy of commitment or has poor attitude. In fact I think this is more often the case. If a woman wants marriage, she should be exceptional and really work on her heart and mind so she’s got a helpmate mentality rather than thinking marriage is all about her.
I hope that helps. I am saddened to hear your friend had such experiences (being traded for debts, how awful!) and I will pray she finds a good man. In the meantime she may want to seek another woman in her situation to share living expenses with?
I hope that is helpful. Encourage her to be a good woman, the type of woman men would want as a wife, and then for her to be very upfront very early that is her goal. Hopefully she will find a good man and if so she will treat him like a king! Her king 🙂
I cant really relate to some of what is being said here.
It never occurs to me to be emotional. Its not something i am trying to suppress. It just doesnt happen. Unless someone close to me dies it could happen.
My “emotion” if a women was to screw me over in a major way would be one of anger and being gutted.
If i hit bad times a woman can show her support by continuing to make meals/cook /clean and crucially not bust my balls.
If it makes her feel better she could tell me she still supports me /belives in me.
Thats fine. But i dont want to talk about my emotions ever.
I hate when wonen try that shit.
its gay.
I have no desire at all to talk about that kinda thing i am repulsed by it.
Women will say they want a man “with emotions” or who is “sensitive” but that’s really just blue pill bs. Or I should say women want emotions like The Ton ™ describes, not for him to be as emotional or more than herself. Women ultimately seek a leader, and leaders may be great souls in many ways, but they do not lose their shit emotionally. If that makes sense? Women almost expect (subconsciously) for their man to be omnipotent. Always knowing more and more capable than herself. I suspect sometimes that comes down to the guy just faking he knows and hoping for the best. Did Patton always know? Probably not. But his troops had to believe he did!
“I suspect sometimes that comes down to the guy just faking he knows and hoping for the best.”
There’s a confidence that comes from knowing (or thinking) that whatever happens a way can be found to get it done. It’s not the same as hoping for the best. Though it might look similar sometimes. YMMV
Yes Spawny, that’s a better way to put that! Thanks 🙂 that’s what I was trying to say.
Also Spawny, women can’t tell the difference between a guy faking (cads and players) or when he actually has the confidence and capability. Also a good point. But women do know weakness and it can be huge anti-game if a frequent behavior.
I think that what I was speaking of is perhaps a later life thing rather than a kid, I should have said.
I put something in words betterer than what you did? Woo Hoo Time for a beer. Don’t judge me, it’s nearly tea time.
The natural set point for a healthy man is to not be emotional or want to talk about “feelings”.
That is the femminisation of men.
I find controlled aggression useful when under the clock. But the key word there is ‘controlled’. Emotions should be mastered and used to the extent to which they improve the situation. No wallowing in them. Not be controlled by them.
I expect that Ton has sometimes found it effective to appear out of control. I doubt he’d still be here if he were often truly out of control. Perhaps he’ll elucidate?
Cheers! 🙂
*hic* You and me, Bloom! ‘gainst the world!
The Ton ™ out of control would be a terrifying thing indeed, I would guess. Even more so for its rarity. Yikes! I don’t even want to picture that! 🙂
A little early for me Spawny but I’ll join you in spirit! Lol 🙂 its coffee time here! (Clink!)
Ton – I agree. It’s a work in progress. I’ve acknowledged my physical and mental weaknesses and have been working on them.
Coincidentally, I ordered some of those books over the past few days.
RPG,
There is a Russian proverb that goes something like this, “If a woman would be married to a general, it is best she marry a lieutenant.”
The Ton ain’t got to say shit becuase all y’all figured it out
…………….
Good man Dad, BV is a better man for that topic then me. He’s much better read and a shit ton smarter and a bad ass mother fucker in his own right
Take a look at Ton’s most recent post and link.
Ladies, if you want to keep a man happy, then
–be nice
–have frequent good sex with him, and ONLY with him.
–don’t step out on him.
–don’t be a bitch.
A man with frame has emotions, the joy of a new born son, the depth of loss when he puts down his two favorite dogs, the pride of watching his 1st born son one punch/ sucker punch KO some drunk dude on the beach….. when your frame is right your emotions will be apporiote for the situation and wont be weakness
this answers the question as to whether my Husband feels ‘safe’ to show emotion around me. he does, but they’re appropriate. he did cry once since i’ve known him, but it was appropriate. there was another time he was shaken up, but a kid his son grew up with had just blown his head off, and my Husband was there shortly after.
it’s like … he doesn’t in any way ask permission to express emotion or to be who he is … rather, he is what he is and i can either join his team or leave.
Emotions should be mastered and used to the extent to which they improve the situation. No wallowing in them. Not be controlled by them.
and … that right there is why Spawny is our Glorious Patriarch!
Men don’t ask for permission
Not beg forgiveness…… beyond the Sky6 sort
Men don’t ask for permission
that has always been VERY attractive to me in my Husband. he is who he is and doesn’t ask if it’s ‘okay’ for him to be that way. he doesn’t care if i think it’s okay or not.
that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about me or what is important to me – when it fits within his frame of life.
he doesn’t beg for forgiveness. if he screws up, he’s not above admitting it – i can either forgive him or not, but he doesn’t beg.
(i have no idea what Sky6 is!)
Men are not hurt only by women by also by the infested churches. Once a man has been sufficiently emotionally injured(as others have noted here) by a woman, he will withdraw from the other gender. The same goes for churches that have been converged. Once these churches turn on a man he will withdraw from church as well…..
The OP about the girlfriend wanting to go to the customer service desk to get an alternative middle aged man who lacked scars and disadvantages and doesn’t have a second house on a golf course in Naples: RPG, are you actually surprised by this? If so, why?
Because it’s a cliche of our time. It’s all around us. It’s how it is.
Follow-up: when I hit my early forties and I was still working my ass off and I was in the hospital occasionally and we only made $3-$400K/year, my wife said, “I was talking to so-and-so and she knows someone who’s a Goldman partner. And you work as hard as them, but they make 10x as much! Why aren’t you a Goldman partner?”
Obviously, I was a dope, and that was the day I should have called my lawyer. Instead, I laughed, and said, “Because I don’t want to be?” Men are utilities these days. All the lurking women who read but don’t post on this blog agree.
You wife sounds like my ex.
Men always have been a utility. The problem now is that women are not expected to pay for it, and the rights of men have been stripped away. Many now simply choose to no longer play by the “rules”.
Marcus Aurelius, or
Epictetus. Born a slave, he was crippled as a child, perhaps at the hands of his master.
When Mattis is on the ground, he has Aurelius in his duffle.
funny … my first husband was like that. no matter how high he got or how much he made, he was ALWAYS super jealous of men who made more and had more. i was super content with where he was and what we had, and i think that made him angry – although every thing made him angry, so who knows. if i supported his goals and drive, he was angry. if i supported being content with what we had and where we were, he was angry.
i was always super proud of him and believed in him. he finally yelled at me one day – like a mean, angry yell, “Ame, I know what you think [of me and my success]!” he didn’t want to hear it that i was proud of him and content. he didn’t care that about what i thought. he wanted his dad’s approval, and i couldn’t give that to him. i super supported ever thing he did and dreamed. i was his greatest cheer leader. i spent enormous amounts of time praying for him and found creative ways to keep him informed with things going on at home, milestones and funny antidotes of our babies/toddlers/preschoolers/etc while he was traveling all over the world and working 60-70 hour weeks. the only thing i really wanted to know was when he was on his way home so we could be ready for him. i’d dress for him. dress the girls for him. we’d be ready for him when he came home. and he’d still be angry with me. i kept in great shape and took care of myself and our children and our home. and he was still angry.
An ex-girlfriend’s ex-husband is the headline on Drudge today. She never once mentioned — NOT ONCE — his personal behavior, nor once said that she was in any way “abused” or even disrespected. (She did complain that he would throw temper tantrums in the Range Rover going out to the Hamptons.) It never occurred to me, such was my naivete at the time. Just never occurred to me. I’m the named party in their divorce.
Pingback: Apex Fallacy Revisited | Spawny's Space
@bv I am not sure I was reading the right story, but if so it doesn’t surprise me. The casting couch is not a myth I am sure… Women would be naive to think any man in power to grant dreams would expect nothing in return… And I am sure many gladly participated, until they could claim victim hood instead.. I could be reading the completely wrong story btw.
Also, I learned pretty early in life not to be alone w men I wasn’t interested in. Of course they are going to try to make a pass! I have been caught off guard a few times by guys I assumed were “not like that” but find a completely innocent, as in “gosh I don’t simply know what you mean” response followed by a hasty exit usually solves that dilemma. Of course a guy is going to make an attempt if he finds a gal attractive! And if a guy is in a position of enough influence or power that women wanting what he can offer are throwing themselves at him, I could see how such a man may occasionally wrongly assume a woman coming to his hotel room alone may be “that kind of gal.” Lets not all be naive, right? Not that sometimes assaults don’t happen, but women can and should take care to avoid situations where such misunderstandings could occur. I know, some would say that’s blaming the victim, but such situations can truly mostly be avoided.
And yes just a few weeks ago I was taken off guard and injured when a guy made a pass and instead fell on me and hurt my shoulder. In retrospect there were warning signs I wish I had heeded more seriously, as he was making me and all my friends uncomfortable. I tried to soft shoe him on his way (not wanting to be accused of being racist) when I now realize a more firm, “time for you to go NOW” approach was likely more what was needed. Luckily it did not end more badly. But it was a reminder that even at my age, I need to be aware and proactive to avoid such situations.