Soon after finding the manosphere I was horrified to learn of the “three date rule.” In short, if a gal wasn’t sleeping with a guy by or before date three, it meant she wasn’t sufficiently attracted to him and he should “next” her.

Now I get the reasoning, and also that many a gal doesn’t even wait until date three to drop the knickers, but I found myself uncomfortable with this whole concept. How could I navigate the dating scene without racking up my N count?

Luckily, the manospherians helped me navigate the waters. They said first, never go on more than one date with a guy you were SURE you weren’t into. And if you couldn’t decide before date three, that may be a sign it’s not a match, too. And it’s true, leading guys on who you have already decided you aren’t into isn’t fair or nice. Don’t dilly dally or friend zone someone leaving them with hopes it will someday be “more” if it won’t.

See, it’s not so much that these guys think you OWE them sex for the dates, but they just don’t want to get strung along only to hear months down the line, “Gosh, I just don’t think of you in that way.” Fair enough.

However, if I was into a guy but didn’t want to jump in the sack at the end of date three, the solution they said was to be demonstrating value at every opportunity, making it clear in other ways that I was interested (like baking him cookies!), while clearly stating that I was not comfortable with casual sex, and to say demurely, “Not yet,” rather than “No.”

So I did. And it mostly worked. Yes, sometimes I didn’t make it past date three, or even one, but on the other hand I kind saw it as a way to screen out being played. Not that he had to put a ring on it by date three either, but at least by then we both should have a sense if there was a “there-there.”

In my mind sex is way too intimate of a thing to be engaging in with practical strangers. And in my mind, three times in someone’s presence makes them a practical stranger. But then again, I am the kind of person who knows lots of people but can count on one hand those I would truly consider friends.

Ladies, like myself, you may be reacting pretty strongly to this three date rule idea, as I did at first. But after hearing it from a guys point of view, and really putting myself in their shoes, I get it. They don’t want to be played either. Who does?

Dating used to be about courtship. People were looking for a spouse, not for a hook up. Well, while that world sounds charming, let’s just admit it’s not been seen in most circles for a long time now. Which is too bad. The courtship model has a lot of advantages. Sadly in the name of progress, it was discarded as “old fashioned” and replaced with this new way.

Modern dating, if people even call it dating anymore, occurs in jaded and cynical waters. I am not a big fan of these new rules, but I understand Pandora is out of the box, and so each one has to make the best of it.

My advice? Bake cookies for guys you are interested in “something more” with, rather than rack up your N count hoping to get another date. It’s not a perfect system, but then again neither is the alternative.

Let those with ears hear.

I am not sure exactly when or how it happened, but many women today are acting much like bimbos.

Thing is being a bimbo is a bad thing to be, or it used to be widely understood as such.

Bimbos go for loser guys who break their hearts. They dress and act in ways that draw the wrong sort of attention. Bimbos are unfaithful. Bimbos can’t control themselves or their emotions. Their choices and actions eventually lead to poverty, misery, and aloneness. Bimbos make bad choices time and again but don’t seem to learn from their mistakes.

Don’t kid yourself, being a bimbo is not the new black. It’s no better than it ever was, and it’s not working any better than it ever did.

How did the women’s movement lead to more bimbos and less women of character? Ironic, isn’t it?

Women today likely have more rights, protection, and power than any other time in history. But yet, in many circles, women are sold the story that they are suffering every single day from oppression, sexism, and powerlessness.

Finally, someone is speaking out about the danger of the victim narrative. Sure enough, being constantly told or believing you are a victim leads to feelings of anxiety and helplessness.

Of course it would! If one is on edge, seeing everyday situations as microaggressions and assaults, it only makes sense this would not lead to confidence, empowerment, or stability.

So why does the narrative persist? Maybe because to give up victimhood means having to take ownership of ones success or failure rather than blaming “outside forces” beyond one’s control.

But trust me on this, much better to own your life than to believe it floats in some capricious wind, ready to be snatched away or defeated the moment you begin to win.

In reality, (the far majority of) men are not out to get you. They are not trying to hold you down, take away from your success, or control and oppress you. They are actually facing more systemic discrimination than you are, in today’s culture.

Yep. Males of European descent are now the ONLY group that it’s completely socially sanctioned to discriminate against. Is that really equality? Or reverse oppression?

It’s time for women to let go of the victim label and either sink or swim. We wanted equality, well here it is. And yes, it pretty much is both better and sucks in different ways.

Welcome to reality.

Let those with ears hear.

A simple interaction between Dancer and her guy led me to reflect how women could improve their relationships by viewing their guy as the captain (and themselves as the co-captain) rather than as equals.

They had just been working in the rain and were getting ready to drive (for her first time) up to his house for the weekend.

“Go change into some dry clothes and dry your hair,” he said, not in any way bossy, but direct and matter of fact.

She said, “No, it’s ok, I am fine. I don’t need dry clothes.”

Now maybe she was trying to be not difficult by just living with the wet clothes but instead she annoyed him.

“Dancer, go change into dry clothes.” By this time I could see it was an order not a request. Still, she repeated she was fine and it wasn’t necessary. She wasn’t trying to be difficult, but she was.

He gave her THE LOOK. She went and changed. I grabbed them some cookies for the road, which he gladly accepted.

While she was changing he explained he didn’t understand why everything had to be “a fight.” All he wanted was her to be dry so they didn’t have to drive for two hours in a fogged up truck.

Its really not that hard to just follow the Captain’s orders, is it? Even if he doesn’t explain they why behind it, or it doesn’t make sense, or seems unnecessary. So long as it’s not going to cause any imminent harm, why not? Doing so will improve your standing in your man’s eyes as well as reduce frustration and unnecessary strife.

Let those who have ears hear.

Much has been written in the manosphere of the feminine nature of Eastern European women, so I thought I would share a recent run in with the Russian-born guy.

Marco and Sergio are in their mid to late 40s, and we became acquaintances when I replied to an ad for a refurbished washer dryer set. After an email and a phone call I felt the situation was on the up and up and I set up a time to have the units delivered and installed. (And my old set hauled away, including the washer stuck on extra small load for over two years! Ug. Bye bye!)

Marco is the mastermind of the pair, not good looking, not fit, but very very smart. I get the sense no matter what one needed, Marco is “the guy” who could make the connection. To be “in” with Marco clearly opens doors and makes life easier. In addition to wheeling and dealing in appliances of all sorts, this Serbian is also a real estate investor who specializes in flipping properties in multiple states.

Marco liked Dancer and I so much he returned the following day with his pretty and demure Ukrainian wife, and their three young sons. He’s obviously proud and fond of his wife, and I noticed no attitude or drama from her toward Dancer and I. She treated us as esteemed sisters, not rivals (which we are not but some women see all women as such, especially non married women, so her attitude was refreshing.)

Sergio is the looker and smooth talker of the two. From Uzbekistan initially, but proudly American now. He reminds me of Zeus and his sons, confident, flirty, and very self assured. He’s good looking and he knows it. He’s the sales guy of the two.

Sergio is married as well. Widowed once, with four children, and now a second wife who has two of her own. He proudly showed us photos of his strikingly beautiful wife and his middle daughter, proudly bragging how people confuse them as sisters (and they do look very alike!) plus photos of the whole clan. I joked soon the tribe will be much larger as grand babies arrive, (two so far) and I swear he preened!

Now don’t get me wrong, none of it was one bit inappropriate, but just as men speak of the feminine ease of Russian and Eastern European women, the men are likewise at ease with their masculinity. Marco and Sergio took the stage w Dancer and I but never did we feel oppressed or suppressed, rather it was a natural, playful, innocent, and easy banter.

I have never been completely at ease with the manosphere definition of Alphas and betas but I would say these two men are both Alpha but perhaps of different types. Marco is a financial/connection Alpha, while Sergio is more of a natural sort.

I have a feeling we will see them all again, and I look forward to observing them more.

The untamed masculine male, unapologetic, unencumbeted, at ease with his maleness. That’s what I saw with at least these two. I wonder if their women are so feminine in natural reaction to the masculine. Hard to say. But interesting to ponder.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Once upon a time, people got married, built a life, had children, and grew old together. It wasn’t perfect, but it mostly worked.

Then came divorce and the idea that commitment meant something like, “as long as you feel like it.”  Marriage, the way it was, became extinct.

And things were never the same again.

The end.

I was reading an article at a popular manosphere site that made the observation that  most of the happily married couples and relationships are those that formed early in life. While the author was speaking of men, it’s something I have noticed to be true for women, too.

Someone here posted a video once that illustrated the idea well. (I think it was Fuzzie?) In it the social experiment showed the most desirable and attractive people in a group tended to pair up early and first, with the rest being left with an ever diminishing quality of choice, much like a game of musical chairs.

Conventional blue pill wisdom over the past few decades has encouraged both women and men to put off “settling down.” But as many women (and men) are finding, once one is over 25, 30, or 35, or 40… the chairs diminish increasingly rapidly.

I often jokingly tell young gal pals not to wait until there are only broken chairs left. But in reality it’s not a joke — I have seen the more failed relationships, hurts, betrayals, and such people undergo, the less bright eyed and bushy tailed they can be about the “next” potential mate.

Don’t wait too long. If you have waited, get serious about your search. Or be left standing. That’s the cold, hard reality of the situation, no matter what advice the “modern” world gives.

You only have one life. Play your cards well and win. Or don’t, and don’t. I’d recommend having a plan and working it, myself. Just like the stock market, the tried and true way to win is to NOT do what everyone else is.

Let those who have ears hear.

I recently met a woman who exemplifies how it can be easy, if a gal has her head on straight.

My friend is an attractive gal, mid-50s, married 30 years, recently retired, has plenty of financial security, a husband who still adores her, and a happy life filled with travel to visit children, grandchildren, family, and friends.

The other day Dancer, my older daughter, and I were visiting with her while her hubby was fixing something at my place, and I asked her how did they meet?

She said she worked in an office job and was going to manicure school then (she was 24.) An older lady in her office invited her over to her house, under the pretense of having her nails done for practice.

When the woman got up to wash her nails, she noticed her single 29-year-old neighbor across the street, mowing his lawn. So she called out to him to come over, as she had a doll she wanted him to meet.

He waved and continued mowing, while my friend said she turned bright red from embarrassment. Soon he finished up, and the neighbor gal again called out, offering him a popsicle as she knew he liked sweets. So he walked over, and was then embarrassed himself as he thought the neighbor lady said “dog” not “doll.”

He could not take his eyes off her. After some small talk, the neighbor insisted they go see all he had done to his backyard. My friend was amazed and impressed by his immaculate lawn and his obvious care and pride in things.

My friend said she knew right then he would be her husband and he knew right then she’d be his wife. He wasn’t the guy she had pictured (tall and blonde) but his short stature and dark hair did not matter, she just knew.

They dated briefly and married soon after. They have had tough times, like all marriages, but not so tough that they don’t still obviously adore each other.

Dancer and I sat there enthralled at the tale. Then I asked, “What color was the popsicle?” My friend said red. Without my even having to say, Dancer jumped up and ran to the kitchen and returned with two red popsicles. My friend laughed, took them, and went off to meet her man for a break. I hope it was a romantic flashback!

Sometimes it works, simply and easily. And I love to see it when it does! I am glad my daughter got to hear that story.

Let those with ears hear.