I was reading an article at a popular manosphere site that made the observation that most of the happily married couples and relationships are those that formed early in life. While the author was speaking of men, it’s something I have noticed to be true for women, too.
Someone here posted a video once that illustrated the idea well. (I think it was Fuzzie?) In it the social experiment showed the most desirable and attractive people in a group tended to pair up early and first, with the rest being left with an ever diminishing quality of choice, much like a game of musical chairs.
Conventional blue pill wisdom over the past few decades has encouraged both women and men to put off “settling down.” But as many women (and men) are finding, once one is over 25, 30, or 35, or 40… the chairs diminish increasingly rapidly.
I often jokingly tell young gal pals not to wait until there are only broken chairs left. But in reality it’s not a joke — I have seen the more failed relationships, hurts, betrayals, and such people undergo, the less bright eyed and bushy tailed they can be about the “next” potential mate.
Don’t wait too long. If you have waited, get serious about your search. Or be left standing. That’s the cold, hard reality of the situation, no matter what advice the “modern” world gives.
You only have one life. Play your cards well and win. Or don’t, and don’t. I’d recommend having a plan and working it, myself. Just like the stock market, the tried and true way to win is to NOT do what everyone else is.
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Sorry.
Bull.
Shit.
I was one of those “young” couples.
What blog is this because it’s utter horseshit. In general men who’ve unplugged should get over their relationship PTSD. Accept the reality for what it is and make their choice.
Women? Need to learn there’s consequences to using or not using their pussies….as the case may be.
Young couple here, as well. Met my wife when I had just barely hit 19-20 and we started dating around that time.
At this point, I wonder… Why have a chair, when you could have a few plates? They all still get “bored” when they get closed to hitting the wall, because the system makes sure that they never have to be accountable.
I think that the statistics are skewed because men no longer are choosing to marry.
Give it 10 years and you’ll see that the long-term data of remaining couples was because they were from a different generation, with different standards.
It’s more likely that men are raised by single mothers and taught blue pill ideals.
More likely than what? Generational differences? You think that men aren’t choosing to marry because they are raised blue pill?
Musical chairs… on the Titanic nowadays. 😉
I have to agree with the others on this. I’ve personally witnessed the failure of marriage after marriage that started out young. That some of us who married young are still married is the exception.
I’ve seen the strong “Traditional Catholic” marriages get blasted where the woman is constantly bitching about her crazy husband who went “insane”, though the kids insist daddy is a great guy, or where another woman is telling complete strangers how her husband committed a felony, stuck a loaded gun in her face, yet somehow he isn’t in prison. Of course if you inquire further if becomes none of your business.
The expectations of young women today are off the charts. I do what I can to educate my daughters on proper expectations, but that’s just a drop of sanity in an ocean of crazy.
Of course this is all helped by the white knights who love to run around cajoling men every time their woman is unhappy or if they think he isn’t manning-up. Those guys don’t help, they just create more animosity. I avoid them at all cost and I never feel sorry for them when their lives explode.
I don’t disagree that marriage is just a HUGE risk, especially for men. For women, I would advise it. This is the dilemma of the different biological imperatives in a messed up world.
And btw, I am a broken chair myself, so this is not meant as judgement. I wish I had known then what I know now.
If you desire marriage, sooner and for life is better than later and for now. Just saying…
@a dad, I get it. But were you to choose again, would you choose the same? Or knowing what you know now would you have sought other qualities in a wife?
I was 19 as well when we met, married at 23. I wish I had known then what I know now. And of course the world now is radically different than it was then. I am a dinosaur, admittedly. 🙂
RPG – Under current US laws, I doubt I would marry at all. I like being a father, but my wife didn’t offer anything. I could have children with anyone, without marriage, and the result would be the same; Kid lives between two homes. I want more children but don’t want to marry.
At this point, I wonder… Why have a chair, when you could have a few plates
……
Winner
I married a church going virgin from a stable family. Huge fucking mistake. If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t have married.
As men, our options get better as we age/ build frame. Its thhe opposite for women .
I realize taht this is a RPW based blog and that the masculine message shouldn’t necessarily override it. Yet here’s how this picture is more likely playing out.
1. As I said, and as noted by many Red Pill veterans, boys are being raised by single mothers. They are being taught BP ideals. we can speculate all we want about why men aren’t involved but that’s another topic…..
2. Men’s love is sacrificial in nature. We don’t start a relationship for love. Women know within seconds if she is going to fuck guy (or wants to), whether there will be a second date, or even if he is marriage material. Guys take longer to figure that out.
3.
What this all means is that young men marrying are doing so for the wrong reasons. They are falling for their oneitis after all they are in “love”.
Just because marriages are staying together isn’t proof of a Red Pill principle. Sure it may seem on the surface so the woman gets what she wants, but is it a quality relationship for the man? Because remember….men will sacrifice for their relationships. The worse will do it expecting something. Alphas will either do it for a period of time until they realize it’s a bad investment OR they just won’t GAF any more and demand everything on their terms.
The fact is that it is a woman’s job to maintain the relationship Period. She wants it she has to work for it. She doesn’t just get all the benefits for being present. Men certainly don’t just get sex. They have to remain attractive and keep the woman interested in him.
The masculine side of red pill lays out how to do this. Rarely does one find a similar path for women to maintaining a relationship. That includes sex. Many because women don’t want to discuss that sex is at the heart of a man’s needs. Betas will put up with a lot for duty sex. An Alpha won’t.
JustAGuy – I know from the moment I see a woman whether or not I’d have sex. With most, it’s the only thought that crosses my mind.
And, yeah. There are lots that I’d turn down. Probably about 3/4 of them.
Marriage isn’t even considered.
There are a lot of funny exclamations here … from men. Oddly, none from women.
As Ton notes, the OP builds a blue pill false equivalency between male and female options over time. It’s feminist b.s. that men and women are in the same boat at 35, 45, 55. And actually, if a guy has his shit together, the gap in opportunities widens over time. For men who let themselves go (itself a deliberate act, indicating dating disinterest) they’re just in retreat from the social, legal and financial demands that the culture demands. Some of these guys are fun to hang out with, but mostly because they say outrageously incorrect things when they’re loaded.
(My friend Mike, who is 43, runs a big hog farm (10,000 head) and he’s very, very good at it. He’s the kind of guy who walks into a bar and orders two cans of Coors Light and two Jaeger’s simultaneously, and happily admits that he’s had a valid driver’s license approximately five years out of his entire adult life. He told me he would make a great wing man because “I’ll always take the fat one.” They don’t portray these sorts of men as “marriage material” in Glamour, but a) he’ll always make a good living; and b) he’ll always have girlfriends. (The supply of fatties is on the upswing.))
But really, RPG, you have a major insurrection on your hands, by the boys on the girls’ red pill blog. Huh. Wonder why.
I moved my wife into an apartment with me while still in college and we also married at 23. In 20 years of marriage we never fought, and the children never even saw us cross (unless silent and subdued counts). Didn’t matter though. Kabluie. 20 months of litigation, her alimony, her child support, sole provider of high school and college tuition, 100% of their medical care, a new shrink, stock in my own company, a silent and empty apartment: that’s what I got. She got our summer house, 100% of the stocks and bonds, child custody, free time, all the money I list above, a new Volvo.
The children have never recovered. You’re advising men to leap into this particular void. That’s a little weird.
BV – Men should leave the fat ones alone. No point in giving them tingles and making them think that they are more valuable than they are for not trying. Yeah, they are now the norm, and most are single moms. Ironic that the guy has a hog farm and likes fat girls.
Nearly 20 years here, also I used to think that it was good that we didn’t fight. Now I wonder. Might have kept things in check if I hadn’t been agreeable with her bullshit. I’m now convinced that there was a real reason that most women traditionally had to be kept on a leash.
Church-going virgin, or reformed slut. Not sure that it matters much.
And by “kept on a leash”, I mostly mean in terms of community, not necessarily at the hands of a husband. Now it’s shameful to “slut shame” and women are encouraged to live like feral animals who survive off of government and alimony, since there are no social or economic repercussions for their behavior (until the welfare state implodes). If I sound bitter, I’m not. I just find the whole thing to be comical. Even with birth control and education, women are more backwards than they were 50-100 years ago.
“Girls gone wild!”
Young men – Don’t marry.
@A Dad.
You missed the point. You aren’t the one that decides if you are even having sex. Women are the gatekeepers of sex.
I am not taking game or anything else just the general rules of relationships. For women this is all instinct guys have to learn it.
Interesting post and comments. It seems that women have a higher chance of getting married if they marry young. I met my first husband in college and married at 21 … he left after 20 years; I was a virgin, and was faithful to him and didn’t want the divorce. My now-Husband’s tale with his first wife is much like what all the men have described … high school sweet heart, virgin, two kids … ‘forgot’ her vows excluded other men.
(Bloom … will you please check to see if I have any comments held up? Thanks)
RPG – The greatest problem is that there is so much pressure, from outside influences (feminism) to nuke a marriage, even if she has a good husband.
Unfortunately, lots of women realize that they were lied to far too late. Then they end up alone and just accept it like it was a conscious choice to live and die alone. Rationalization hamster tells them that it was a positive thing, and that they made the right decision.
The only things that could make marriage a worthwhile thing for men’
1. Each person separates with the option of 50/50 custody as a baseline.
2. Each person leaves with their own assets, and no monetary compensation going forward.
3. No fault divorce is abolished, or treated as a means of forfeiture of “community property”.
Among others.
Your list really provides no reason for men to marry, because marriage currently only benefits women. One could argue that it benefits children as well, but since women are so eager to risk their children’s future for their own interests and feelings, does it really matter? Women have never had their children’s best interest in mind over their own. It could be argued that men always have, which is why so many of them tolerate the bullshit to keep from uprooting their children and having them taken away. But then the rest are portrayed as “deadbeats” because they didn’t want to play in the broken system.
I’m starting to sound like mega. I need to chill. He might come back to haunt.
JustAGuy – I’m not so sure that you are accurate about that. I’ve met more than a few women who wanted me but I didn’t want them. Who is the gatekeeper in this case? Beyond the concept of it being an issue it consent, the whole concept is silly and acts like no guys have any choice in the matter.
I get that it’s a generalisation, but it’s not always the case.
It could be debated that women are only the gatekeepers when there are no other options, and when you are married and committed, you’ve definitely limited yourself to one option. Who has control then? Not you. I’m simply stating that women only really have sexual power when there are legal protections in place, and marriage is the ultimate of these.
Insurrection implies some type of legal authority, which she ain’t got
RPG,
I think you need to modify this idea to: “It used to be good to get married young and grow together. Now if your a women; you should marry any man that will take you, and if you are a man; don’t marry at any cost.”
Just for the record: my wife and I got married at an age most would consider young. And I would say that we are still happily married. These are different times.
I am late to the party and it looks like RPG has been jumped on. In the natural order of things. marrying young would be a great idea with hard, lifetime monogamy. The marital bond would be all the stronger for the few sexual partners. What screws it up in this culture is the continuous pressure from the female herd to dump boyfriend or hubby. When women listen to and act on that, it only strengthens the herd at the expense of marriage.
For an example of early marriage working, RPG only has to look at her babysitter and the sect she belongs to.The female herd pressures are absent.
http://www.fashionbeans.com/content/traditional-marriage-would-truly-shock-our-ancestors-but-not-for-the-reason-you-think/11291?rtg=higherpersp-gGA1me¶m4=fsb-fni-fbss-1334-us-de-rr¶m5=10154714576186186¶m6=23842632174340161
so much feminism slant in this piece. it’s amazing when your eyes are opened and you can ‘see’ it. although … i think some here would find this quote amusing 🙂
“Throughout time though, some mercy was shown to wives, as shown by Bernard of Siena in the 15th century, who instructed men to be kind and have as much compassion for their wives as they would a chicken or a pig. Talk about a low bar.”
another quote:
“In early Mesopotamia, Hammurabi’s code gave husbands alternate options by stating instances in which they could get a refund on their spouse if they were unhappy.”
(Bloom – will you please check to see if i have some comments held up? thank you 🙂 )
As much compassion for a wife as a chicken? Maybe
Now asking to treat them as well as your dog or Harely? No fucking way
bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!
i knew you’d especially like that one!
my first husband and i married young – i was 19 when i met him and 21 when we married, a virgin. he left after 20 years. my now-Husband and his first wife were high school sweethearts and married young – theirs is the typical story out here.
i loved marrying young. i didn’t want the divorce. i hate how it damaged our kids.
– – –
i hate to do it but have to agree with those who say women (in general) don’t care for their kids … enough to sacrifice for them and put their needs above their own. i hate to agree b/c i hate that it’s true. i’m continuously shocked and painfully disappointed when i see it happen over and over again. i’m tired of hearing, “Kids are resilient; they’ll bounce back and be okay,” cause the implication is that it will be as though the divorce – or whatever mom chooses above her kids – never happened.
a very dear friend of mine’s youngest child married this past year. now both their sons are married, on their own, doing well. i told her that THE best gift she and her husband have given their sons is to stay married and faithful. you cannot measure what is taken away from kids when their parents divorce.
i just wanna hug all those babies and tell them they’re loved. it breaks my heart what moms justify. about nine or ten years ago my mother stood in my kitchen and said to me, “You have no idea how many times I wanted to leave you when you were growing up.” wow. thanks, mom. i mean … it’s not a surprise as that’s how she behaved, but to hear her say it? how many things inside a person can one mother break? more than i can count. it’s why i stay a far distance from her and rare contact … i’d like to keep some things inside me intact.
The Ton recognized the Ton bait for what it was but it was to good of a set up to ignore ; )
@ame for some reason they were in the spam cue. I think they are freed now! 🙂
Ok so the consensus here is that the advice is outdated. Noted 🙂
RPG – I think that it’s still valid in the sense that Ame indicated, that young women are more likely to be married than older women (more options). No doubt that the options diminish as time goes by.
The part that I disagree with in the OP is the implication that men are impacted similarly to women by waiting to marry. It’s becoming more obvious that men really can (and should) put off settling down, at least in the modern era. Probably even indefinitely, for most men.
I’m contemplating the full Ton approach on red pilling my boy about marriage.
But I know a few really accomplished women who are 40+, childless, and alone, and I can tell that they don’t like it. We were hanging out and one even recently indicated that she would like to get married for the first time (at nearly 40). It almost seems like she was dropping some hints. But she has some massive challenges to overcome if she wanted to attract a guy, mainly in the respect that she’s definitely not a “girly girl” and she would need one masculine SoB to compliment her. It’s not that she couldn’t look okay if she tried, but it’s just not part of her personality to be a traditional girl. She had a traditionally masculine job in her early life and got a lot out of it (education, money), and she’s physically in very good shape. She just can’t offer what most guys would want because she is far more accomplished (and probably tougher) than the vast majority of men out there. The issue isn’t so much about these things though, because they can always be overcome.
So what’s the main issue? She’s way past the prime childbearing age.
This is the harsh factor that limits the options for women, because biology rules over all.
Most men want women who are able to bear children, and older men can always find younger women. All it takes is a little money and charisma.
I know that women don’t want to hear this, because it makes them feel devalued to being little more than baby makers, but it’s simply the truth. The happiest women that I know are women who STAYED with a man at a young age and had several children with him.
The most unhappy women that I’ve met are the ones that never locked down a guy or they left their guy because the grass was greener on the other side. Some get a second (or third … …) chance, but many do not.
Note that some of the regular guys here (with long marriages to quality women) will talk about how their wives earned their place, and they will value and love them indefinitely. Some had hard times, but ultimately got through it. That’s the exception to the rule now.
Most guys won’t leave a quality woman who gives him children and works at being a quality wife and mother. But most guys cannot trust that they will find such a woman anymore. I’m still young enough that I could marry a woman in her 20s, but I’d almost need an ironclad prenup and marry out of most US states for it to be a viable solution. Not likely to happen.
“Ok so the consensus here is that the advice is outdated. Noted 🙂”
^With manosphere men, marriage itself is outdated 😦
On the whole women don’t care about their kids enough to work to keep a good marriage together, it’s so sad but true. I see this all the time, even if the couple isn’t divorced, the wife is just awful!
Last Wednesday we had a wives’ meeting and I was going over all the plans and delegating who does what, when and where and our financial standing and budget (which is awesome!!! Since I’ve taken over were saving a few hundred a year!!), and it was just so obvious the wives who:
1) Don’t have sex anymore with their husbands more than likely
2) Don’t have respect anymore for their husbands
3) Are visibly driven crazy by their kids and resent their husbands in some strange relation to them giving them the kids
4) And the last ones who are there because they really love their husbands and want to see them succeed. Curiously, many of these women are 2nd wives.
After talking and finally getting to sit down and eat, a wife that is very familiar with my husband and I, started bad-mouthing her husband to a small group of us. Her husband when through the academy with mine, he actually won some kind of award for being the most fit graduate! He’s beyond respectable, was even a Marine!!! And yet I have to sit there and listen to this very overweight woman (she’s been trying to lose the weight for a few years but has managed to gain maybe 100 lbs more 😦 ) just completely tell us all his faults and things. Personal stuff that we just shouldn’t know and she should feel ashamed of running him down like that. They have a kid and she wants more children, but has to lose a bit of weight to be fertile again (weight induced PCOS infertility), but for all intents and purposes, he’s probably going to reach that “breaking point” in a few years. He’s attractive and making a lot of money now, they live in a pretty nice big house and she has a very good life… still isn’t enough to keep her from seeing him in a constant negative life. After I got home I told my husband about it and how awful it was for the poor husband! What if my husband was in competition with him for promotions?! What if someone who didn’t like her husband was overhearing her complain about him – and none of the complaints were bad at all. But she wasn’t going out of her way to protect him and reputation. 😦
One of my friend’s, the President of our wives club and the wife of the man who just retired in July, spoke up and told a fairly red-pill tale about her husband’s first wife – regarding the issue this woman was complaining about. It was great! And the young wife couldn’t say anything back to that. She still won’t stop probably or change until he finally puts his foot down. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re not having sex at all because of her weight issues probably not making her feel sexy… so there’s a good chance he may cheat. A lot of them do… and I’m starting to see how they’d be tempted to.
Wow the typos!!!!! Sorry!!! lol
I dont agree this advice is outdated.
its the truth.
😊
I’m pretty sure this post is referencing the recent Heartiste post called “The Ground Floor Girl.” That came from a series of comments I made on his blog.
Those comments came from observations of people I knew. I’ve noticed that the couples from high school and college that stayed together are still together, while people I knew who met and married later seemed to have a higher divorce rate.
Some of the comments here indicate those high school couples didn’t always have happy endings. I don’t doubt that’s true; it just isn’t true with the couples I knew. I’d love to see some statistics on this. Right now, the closest I can come is another Heartiste post from a long time ago, which looks at a study that says the higher the women’s partner count, the higher the odds of divorce:
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/
and she would need one masculine SoB to compliment her
………
And men like us can pull girly girls of younger and tender years.
The disparity in options seems to a difficult concept for women to get. As in how few options most men have, how many options overtly masculine men have, how few options they have as they age
A Dad:
40+ women who’ve never been married but want to be married, have a big problem: they don’t know how to be married.
They want to be married while practicing the very behaviors that left them single at 40+.
My anecdote du jour is this: a certain Mrs. Smith, whom I met when she was flown home from Libya in 2012. Never-married female. She’s now on the other side of the world, doing what she does. I’m very fond of her because she’s so smart and hot and she went out of her way to visit me when I was in the hospital a few years ago.
She calls me and we have a lovely conversation, because that is the key to our liaison. I say I might be only 3000 miles away from her if my new gig comes to pass. After 20 minutes I say something (“What are you wearing?”) and she says, “I don’t do invisible relationships. Good bye.” It was that fast.
I noted via text that she called me, and she chose to move 8000 miles away from me. No response. I have blocked her. If a woman wants to be with a man, she needs to be the same person after 20 minutes. In single-land, that’s not a requirement.
Being married or part of a couple that’s not married, is a skill. It includes the obligation to be self-aware and not pick fights over nothing. This is not an accepted attribute of the post-feminist ethos. Why would you call a distant flame and then go apeshit because a man wanted to visualize what his correspondent looked like at that moment?
***
Tonight I had an interesting conversation while watching Wisconsin flatten Nebraska (oh yeah! and fuck Nebraska). A reasonably attractive woman walked into the lounge that my ex-operator friend owns. She sat down alone and made conversation, which I did not initiate. She stated that she “did security for the State of XXX.” I query her and she dumps it all on the bar. Her former supervisor was my next door neighbor: he runs prisons for sexual deviants.
I asked her if she was carrying, since I like to know which people drinking have a weapon. We bantered, and she asked what I did.
Blah blah blah. Suffice, my highest and best use hasn’t been working as a prison guard.
So we talk further and I learn she’s trolling the bars in a small town on the prairie, because her birthday is today, and her husband is cool with that, and she’s just rolling with the mood.
So, does this woman know how to be married? Tell me what to respect or trust.
wow. i feel like i live in another reality. i hate that it’s like that out there 😦
BuenaVista: Great story. Not that dealing with a wackjob is great, but the story is telling.
After I got divorced (I was financially checkmated out of my own life, by the way), I started dating again. I found the women I met at 44 were not the ones I last dated at 24! I divided them into two categories: The bitter and the crazy.
The bitter ones were the ones who were also divorced and resented men and “society.” The crazy were the ones who had never been married and spent the past two decades cultivating weird habits and hobbies.
People tend to live their lives like tape loops, repeating the same sequence over and over again. If your “loop” works, great — then you have a wonderful life. But if not, you tend to get trapped in the same behavioral patterns that don’t work but which are beyond your control. As I get older, I’m starting to doubt anyone’s ability to really change, at least after age 40 or so.
All of which is a way of saying I can relate to your story of the “3000 mile-away woman” who hung up on your for a small comment. I have my own variations on that story, and they’re equally as strange. Good luck!
Yes it was ground floor girl that inspired this post! Small world! I do love reading some Heartiste, even if at times it can be so dark. The guy has a wicked way w words, I admire that. Very sharp cookie that one.
Anyway, it’s true that many women are their own worst enemy. I know I was before finding the manosphere! I honestly had no idea what I was doing wrong or why it didn’t work out. Well, luckily despite that the guys let me hang around and figure it out. Now I try to help other women figure it out. Not that I am perfect by any means! What I learned most was men are entirely different beings than women and so one cannot relate to them as if they are women.
Case in point, Dancer. Her bf says to me just today that he likes her except one thing, she will out of the blue bring up some old shit and make it a fight. Or when things are going good, she’ll bring up something that just completely kills the mood. He called it being manipulative (not sure it’s exactly that but it is manipulative in a completely pointless way.) if she could stop doing this *one thing* she’d be in! Reminds me very much of bv’s story, why not answer, “next to nothing, why? What are you wearing?” 😉 ” (even if she’s wearing the same pj’s from two days ago!) it’s not that hard but women sure do make it harder than it needs to be!
Like Deti has said (I may be misquoting, and if so forgive me) be pleasant. Be agreeable. Don’t get fat.
Or sex and sammiches and no drama! 😉
RPG – If Dancer brings up old shit to start conflict, it’s because it’s a defense mechanism to rationalize bad behavior in the relationship. My ex used to do that all of the time in order to have excuses for pretty much anything, and Dancer will make it progressively worse over time. Dancer might be pretty cool in many respects (my ex was) but that behavior is pretty dangerous for relationships and I completely suspect that it’s a defense mechanism to cope with some sort of trauma and avoid accepting accountability for things.
“I do love reading some Heartiste, even if at times it can be so dark. The guy has a wicked way w words, I admire that. Very sharp cookie that one.”
^^Bloom, the real Heartiste, whoever he was, has retired I believe. He has a group of men writing there now.
I like to imagine that he finally found someone perfect for him, settled down and has a family. Who knows? I hope so though.
Side note of our daily life drama:
We visited my husband last night to bring him dinner in his dungeon like work environment lol.
It was SO gloomy there, the 7 year old thought it was haunted and the 2 year old said “Mommy, ghosts!” It was really eerie… no life in the place. They’ve sent him there to die or something!!!
And I totally “get it” now that other wives have warned me that it’s “The Land of No Return” and “No-Man’s Land” where men often lose their motivation.
Hopefully it won’t affect him that way. But wow, it is gloomy. 😦
Stephanie, Thoreau noted that most men “live lives of quiet desperation” 180 years ago — and they do. The modern workplace conforms to that description. I take it that he has been given a cube in a cubicle farm until off disability. That will end soon enough.
gosh, Stephanie, i am so sorry to hear that 😦
let me know if there’s anything i can do for you 🙂
BV “I take it that he has been given a cube in a cubicle farm until off disability. ”
Yes, hopefully it does end soon.
Thanks Ame ❤ love knowing you're here!
I’m trying to understand how marriage is only benefitting me and not my husband.
He gets:
1. Sex whenever he wants it
2. Children
3. Our children cared for
4. His dinner made and laundry done
5. His home looked after (admitadly I don’t do that very well)
6. Financial contribution from my small amount of paid work (which will increase as the children get older)
I get:
1. Sex whenever I want it
2. Children
3. Financial provision
We both get some companionship.
I think marriage benefits my husband alot! As it also benefits me alot!
We were both 20 when we married and are coming up on our 13th wedding anniversary. We have 4 children. There have been very hard years, but the good times have outweighed the bad times by enough margin to push on through the bad times. We’re in the best place we have ever been right now and things look to only be upwards from here now that we are finished having children. (I’ll be getting my tubes tied as hubby doesn’t want his done.)
I have no reason to think he would pass away anytime soon, but if he did I assume that a single mid 30s woman with 4 children would not be very attractive to any man. I think my prospects of re-marriage would be pretty low due to the kids and my age. Even though we would be no financial burden due to hubby’s life insurance.
If I’m being honest, you downplay his role in the family by inflating your value over his. I would say that items 3-5 on your list are part of the same. Does he do work around the home? What about the lawn or cars or numerous other things that get fixed? Does he also spend time with the kids? I’m not saying that you offer him nothing, but i question the way the situation is portrayed based upon my own experiences.
I don’t know that your situation is also the standard anymore. Women who now work feel that they are entitled to do nothing else beyond time wasting social media, and going out with the girls, and are effectively slave drivers to men who are taking on more work in and out of the house in spite of what liberal media still says; “women still do more housework and it’s 2017!” . My ex didn’t do housework. My place is immaculate now that she’s gone, and i have to do far less to keep things that way.
I’m glad that you have a better situation than many, but I assure you that you are not the norm. There are a few women here who are the “good ones” but a lot of that came with a lot of hard times to get there.
I don’t think I have down played his position at all. His financial provision takes up a huge chunk of his time at work and he continues the work at home. I am very grateful for that provision. We.choose to live within our means so don’t need 2 full time careers in the house.
He doesn’t fix cars and lawns or fixing or time with the children is very limited. He does maintain a small veggie garden as a hobby and that benefits us too with the food. He does look after the children when I work for 8hrs on the weekend.
I don’t go out with the girls. I am too busy with my family. I would almost never see my husband if I were going out.
I think marriage benefits us both a lot. Maybe that isn’t the experience of the majority, I don’t know.
@mrsluvhub I am glad you think about contributing back to your marriage and family, not just what you get from it. Far too many women don’t. Everyone gets what they need when its working well. Thanks for posting!
It’s ironic twist in this era of disposable dating, indeed disposable everything, that we are coming face-to-face with the paradox that more choices may not necessarily be better. Rather they may lead to more questionable decisions.
more choices may not necessarily be better. Rather they may lead to more questionable decisions.
this. very much, this. too much information really is, too much.
i think the information-age has also taught us that we are very intelligent human beings … that we can be good and even excellent at a plethora of different things. that sometimes overwhelms us and causes us to stall. and sometimes it makes us feel more superior than we ought, sometimes gives us a sense of entitlement. and it often causes us to totally miss our whole, most fulfilling purpose in life – especially women.
i can’t imagine the tinder girls that farm boy posted about at spawny’s being able to collectively garner so much attention and following without the ability to connect like we can now. our greatest strengths become our greatest weaknesses, and vise versa.
so many more choices means so many more fall into the “No/Not Ever” column than we ever knew possible. unfortunately, too many place them into the “Well, Maybe? Perhaps!” column instead.
So true copperfox, more choices arent necessarily better!
Where’s my icon? Lol!
I agree, and I think this argument is supported by psychological research on the “Paradox of Choice.” I think this is where Nietzsche and those who came after him went wrong.
Freedom is a thing derived from boundaries. It’s knowing where the lines are that sets us free to focus and reach our highest potential. Not unlimited choice.
Gonna write a post about this in the near future, to fully flesh the ideas out.
Freedom is a thing derived from boundaries. It’s knowing where the lines are that sets us free to focus and reach our highest potential. Not unlimited choice.
truth.
excellent.
@Ame, took me a week or so, but finished writing the post to fully flesh those ideas out. Just posted it on my blog: https://www.illiberal-liberal.com/2017/11/nietzsche-liberalism-and-the-paradox-of-choice/
Gottaa criticize Nietzsche, post-modernists, feminists, progressives and the rest of the “tear it all down” crowd …
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