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A comment about quarrelsome disrespectful women by regular commenter Deti had me thinking how many women err by trying to win every battle, then lose the war.
He says:
All I can tell you is this:
When a man’s wife or long term woman disrespects him one too many times, whatever existed before is completely destroyed. Gone. Whatever he felt for her – gone. Whatever he was willing to do for her before, he’s no longer willing to do, or capable of doing. Everything. Gone. Leveled. Not one stone left standing on stone.
And he never forgets it. Oh, he can forgive. He can move on. You can even move on together. But the things you said, the things you did, to destroy it all, are never forgotten. Not ever. Some things you say, you cannot unsay. You can’t take them back. Some things you do cannot be undone. That history will always be there. Always. It will never ever go away. It will always color the way he sees you. You will be forever different to him.
He can, and probably will, get past it eventually. Your relationship might survive. But whatever it was before will not be again. You will have to reconstruct everything. What is built back will not look like what was before. Many times, it will not look anything like what it was before. And you will have to live with that. Or not.
A man can take a lot of disrespect from a woman. And he can go a long time with it. But when you get to “too much” or “one too many times”, it’s done. DONE. OVER. You’ve knocked it all down, destroyed it all. And whatever was before, will never be again.
Perhaps a little food for thought for womenfolk as they wisely and prudently consider their men.
I have seen this happen in marriages where the woman is constantly nagging, harping, and threatening to leave. Over time the husband just checks out. He may remain married but the love and caring and wanting to do for her is gone. Dead marriage walking.
In other cases I have seen this with a single fatal blow, such as an affair or a particularly nasty fight where things are said in anger that change everything forever.
Its not a good place to be and it is avoidable. Ponder Deti’s words well, you don’t want to win the battle but lose the war.
Let those with ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
the proverbs says:
A continual dripping on a very rainy day
And a contentious woman are alike;
Whoever restrains her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand.
This is me.
She was able to destroy in less than a year what took us 15 years to build up.
Where I’m at, she has torn asunder all that I held dear in my relationship with her. More than just the ‘blue pill’ shine that I had. The hitting, screaming, name calling, comparing me to a past lover, the constant accusations of affairs. I can’t go back to before. I won’t go back there.
I would have stepped in front of a train for her, now I think I ‘might’ tell her to “look out”.
Will our relationship survive, I don’t know.
Do I really care anymore, no.
The thought of leaving my girls in this mess right now is the only thing keeping me around.
I hate the statement now, “I’m sorry, but…”
I am sorry to hear that, welcome! You will find support from many here who have been there.
Yes, men check out they do
White Guy,
A supposed (or real) cause there was?
I was your typical blue piller, with some big co-dependence issues, which I’m working through with a pro’s help. When I discovered the red pill, I rambo’ed up and almost nuked the marriage, but walked it way back, and asked for forgiveness for saying those things. I’ve slowly been unplugging for the last 18 months and all I’ve gotten for it is more disrespect, contentiousness, and anger.
But she HATES the red pill, (she followed along behind me reading) as one can imagine, Rollo’s works cut a little to close to the bone.
She’s got all sorts of ‘issues’ maybe even BPD, but I don’t care. I can’t fix her, I can only fix me.
One quick story, last month I had a broken tooth, that was needing a root canal. I’m standing in the driveway trying to go to work with my mouth throbbing, and she follows me out and asks me if I’m having a affair (for the 50th+ time). That evening, right after the root canal (I’d say less than 45 min afterword) she confronts me again about it! The next morning she is getting nuts again about it, I laugh at the silliness of it all still sore from having a root canal, she follows me out the door to the car and throws coffee at me as I’m getting in the truck, almost tossing the coffee cup at me as well.
@white Guy her ramping it up is typical, trying to regain control. You are on the right path. Also, best not to explain why or the red pill to a gal, most can’t take it. Just DO. The less she knows your strategy or game plan the better. But the guys here could advise better than I could. I admire your commitment to your kids! I hope your wife eventually comes around but like you said you can only control yourself and protect your kids. If she’s bpd, you are their only hope. Alone w her would be terrible! If you leave, set up a rock solid plan for gaining custody would be my advice. Bpd mothers destroy their kids or cripple them for life 😦
Rpg said ”
The older I get the less tolerant I am becoming of people who take but rarely or never give. I am kinda just over those kind of people, at long last. Thank Goodness.
Think about that in context of op and deti.
White Guy
I think your wife should read other red pill blogs. Sites like Rollo’s aren’t very good for women who are new to red pill since the communication on those sites are designed for men. Maybe she could read this blog or some other red pill blog that are for women?
White Guy, that is very, very tough. Your wife is small-minded and dangerous. Either prepare for a lifetime of this crap or get your affairs in order.
Who knows a man who follows a woman, who is sustaining the family, out to the driveway and throws hot coffee into her face? Who?
Right, Rosalie. Because it’s just a misunderstanding when a wife throws hot coffee in a man’s face.
If a man did that he’d be in jail for assault.
BV
I don’t really understand what you are talking. I never said what she is doing is okay. I only commented to the fact that White Guy said his wife has read Rollo’s site and now hates red pill. Like RPG said many girls can’t take it.
BuenaVista, well it at least it wasn’t ‘hot’ coffee :eyeroll: Thankfully my door intercepted 99% of it. (Plus the worst part was it was Kona, that’s the good stuff that shouldn’t ever be wasted!)
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/03/pences-gender-segregated-dinners/521286/
“How Pence’s Dudely Dinners Hurt Women
The vice president—and other powerful men—regularly avoid one-on-one meetings with women in the name of protecting their families. In the end, what suffers is women’s progress.”
White Guy –
i am so very sorry you’re in this place. i have some thoughts, but you might run them by the men, first, and/or your counselor and/or a trusted male friend.
– it’s extremely difficult for men to get custody of their kids, especially daughters 😦
– however, you might want to start keeping a record of all these things she’s doing. take pictures to document, etc. you don’t have to make a big deal about it, you can just do it quietly.
– you might want to find out what the laws are in your state.
– – –
– your girls are going to need a “Safe Adult” – be and become that Safe Adult for your girls.
– being the Safe parent means you’ll be the one receiving their worst behavior b/c they will act out with the one whom they feel the most safe. there should be boundaries on this – such as they must treat you with respect – but find a way to be the Safe Parent for them. allow them to talk to you without trying to ‘fix’ everything. listen to them. spend lots of time with them doing benign things which will give them opportunities to tell you what’s going on. how they tell you will vary depending on their ages and personalities.
– if you are a Christian, pray over your family, especially your daughters. the prayers of a father over his children are powerful, imho.
Wise words, RPG. I know the feeling.
There is this guy, and while I’ll always be very fond of him, one time there was an argument where he went too far and said some things that should have never been said. I was shocked, disillusioned and could never view him in the same way again. Something was “killed” during that argument.
I can imagine it would feel the same way with a man and a nagging, toxic woman. It’s a sad thing all around.
White Guy,
I think you should be prepared to leave the house on a moment’s notice. You need a buddy who has a spare room or a couch until you can get into a place of your own. The coffee thing is that serious.
As for women needing to be right all the time, that is pure vanity. This explains why younger men are not as eager to get married.
@ Fuzzie, I would not advise him to leave the house without the kids unless absolutely necessary. Once he moves out and they are w mom, makes her making that permanent much easier.
WG like Ame said, document, document, document. Your journal is actually considered a “silent witness” in court. So document every incident, concern, weird conversation, etc. And especially anything dangerous. You might want to find a male friendly lawyer and get advice for how to make sure if you do leave with the kids if things get bad, you know how to do so properly so it doesn’t come back on you later. Hopefully it won’t come to this but knowledge is power. The odds are stacked against dads getting custody but I do know men who have it. Most cases mom wanted her “freedom” and dad totally agreed — bye!
Also, I suspect her change of behavior may indicate SHE is the one having or contemplating an affair. People often project their own guilt onto others. Again, hopefully not but note odd unexplained absences and such.
It may also be related to the kids going to school, or the kids moving out, or feeling like if she doesn’t jump “now” she’ll be too old. Women talk themselves into all sorts of bad ideas. If you can, don’t take it personal or react, just keep your eyes on what matters (your kids) and keep your own nose clean.
It wasn’t so much to actually get out, but to be prepared for it. She is violent and it will escalate. The only question is how fast.
White Guy –
Everything RedPillGirl (aka: RPG … aka: Bloom) just said – YES.
also … check out the book Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say “I’m Not Happy” … https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Infidelity-Living-Limbo-Really/dp/0976772604
you’ll know if your wife is having an affair after reading that book. i probably wouldn’t recommend letting your wife know you’re reading it, though.
WHOA!!! i just looked at the price that book’s going for right now … eeek!
okay … Langly has a website that probably has most of the info from the book on it somewhere … here would be a good place to start: http://womensinfidelity.com/female-stages-of-infidelity/
Ame it’s hard to tell from the website but I am not sure the author is truly red pill, although she may be seeing red pill symptoms (women lose their libido, women get attracted to someone else, women blame the husband or try to be so darn unreasonable they drive him away, they line up a branch swing, etc.) but I am not sure she’s seeing the causes… Hyper gamy, alpha f’s/beta bucks/etc.
I can’t say of course for sure WG’s wife is having an affair but she’s definitely not acting in a way that’s trying to heal the marriage which says to me she’s got some internal struggle maybe even she doesn’t understand going on but is blaming those feelings on her husband/marriage. She may sabatoge it, she may be so terrible in an attempt to make WG leave, or she may do some other stupid thing thinking it will fix her feelings but it won’t.
Truth is WG can’t really know or change anything beyond what he’s thinking and feeling. The author you recommended did say on the page for husbands is that letting go (even if they remain in the same house bc of kids) rather than engaging in her drama and possibly only fueling the “rush” she gets from that is valid. Give her little to no time or energy, focus on himself and the kids, and have a plan to be a step ahead in case stuff gets uglier. Forget about her wants and needs and focus on himself and the kids. Maybe she’ll snap out of it maybe not but I doubt WG will ever feel the same about her and that’s a really stupid thing for a wife to do. very dumb move on her part.
A wise woman builds up her home, a foolish one tears it down w her own hands. 😦
Sorry to hear it WG. We’re here if you need to vent.
A wise woman builds up her home, a foolish one tears it down w her own hands.
truth.
– – –
that book was recommended to me to give me an understanding of the behaviors of unfaithful wives, what those behaviors looked like and what they meant … how husbands generally respond to them and how she responds to his behaviors. it was a VERY hard book to read. i didn’t like it. i didn’t agree with a lot of advice given b/c the author definitely is not a Christian, and i am. but the research and the behaviors listed of women who are having affairs, how they handle themselves, how they respond to their husbands, their attitudes – wow. it was real and really harsh.
– – –
i hope WG’s wife isn’t doing that. i’m heartbroken another wife has pushed her husband past that breaking point 😦 . i’m heartbroken she can’t get her crap together 😦 . i’m heartbroken for the girls 😦 . but good for WG for seeing what it is and for doing what he can to make life better. he can only change himself and be there for his girls, and super kudos to him for doing just that.
my 2c worth;
“Don’t Lose the War”
Stupid western women have ALREADY lost the war; all that is left now is some minor ongoing closing skirmishes…
OH MY GOD……the answer as to why my late wife could not understand why I checked out. It started when she got pregnant with our youngest…..i do not remember what she said anymore but the hole left behind is unmistakable. Then when the little one was born she turned into a total bitch. Always asking her father for advice first instead of me…right in front of me. Always talking shit about me behind my back(she could not understand why i did not want anymore kids..ya think?)…..Deit put into words what i felt the last 4 years she walked the earth.
Brilliant if you change the pronouns to feminine ones it also addresses the primary reason women initiate most divorces. Disrespect is poison.
@White Guy:
The hitting, screaming, name calling, comparing me to a past lover, the constant accusations of affairs. I can’t go back to before. I won’t go back there.
she follows me out the door to the car and throws coffee at me as I’m getting in the truck, almost tossing the coffee cup at me as well.
Nope. Fuck that bullshit. A woman’s physical attacks, hitting, throwing things, tossing hot liquids – that’s the end of the line, at least for me. That’s divorce time.
Mrs. deti hit me once in the 15 years before I Red Pilled. Right afterwards I told her she had had her “one free hit”. I told her that if she EVER physically attacks me again, i’ll get a lawyer and we’ll end things, while at the same time I go down to the police station, swear out a complaint, and press criminal charges. I will then file a civil lawsuit against her for damages. I will then publicize her attack on me to the court, her parents, her friends, our families, our kids – everyone.
Wives need to get that shit in check. RIGHT NOW. If they can’t, they can be single, and they can live through everyone knowing just what she did and what caused the end of the marriage.
@Rosalie:
I never said what she is doing is okay. I only commented to the fact that White Guy said his wife has read Rollo’s site and now hates red pill. Like RPG said many girls can’t take it.
Wives don’t need to be Red Pilled or understand the theory or praxis to know when they’re acting poorly. Women know how to act kindly, and they know how to be bitchy. Women know when they’re being bitches. They know. They do so for any number of reasons: To blow off steam, to vent emotions, to manipulate, whatever. Mostly it’s for manipulation.
The point is, women know when they’re being bitches; and Mrs. White Guy knows how she’s acting. She could control it, and turn off the bitchiness if she wanted to. She just doesn’t want to, and doesn’t care to address it.
@ Sue:
>I know the feeling.
No, you really don’t.
The difference is as you pointed out at the end. For a man, that death comes only after many years of constant maltreatment. It takes a long, long time for a man to get to the point of no return.
For women, it just takes one wrong word, one thing he said wrong, one thing he did or didn’t do, one thing that seems kind of “off” with him – and her opinion of that man is forever changed, and he’s out, out, OUT, and she’s just done with him.
Deti, if I could insure that my girls would stay off the stripper pole if I bailed right now I would. I’m just now getting my ‘frame’ squared away and be a rock, so if/when I hit the ‘nuke from space’ or she walks I am the solid one for my girls.
DJ, is that what you said to justify blowing up your last relationship? He doesn’t ‘respect me’…Ha!
Brilliant if you change the pronouns to feminine ones it also addresses the primary reason women initiate most divorces. Disrespect is poison.
No. Women initiate most divorces for one of the following reasons:
1) Not happy anymore
2) Money problems
3) We grew apart
4) Don’t have anything in common anymore
All of these are euphemisms for “I am not sexually attracted to him (anymore)” and “I never really was sexually attracted to him”.
If anything, women divorce men for respecting them TOO MUCH.
White guy
Your contempt is much stronger then your reading comprehension.
Deti
No amount of sexual attraction will be sufficient to cover years of disrespect to a person who has a sense of self preservation. Goes equally for men & women.
Found your site from another red pill site. I bloomed late, really didn’t hit my maturity/ stride until 3rd year med school at age 24-25. I was at age 19 and I dated a gorgeous girl of 22, she dated and caught me, then treated me terribly. Played me, the usual. But the disrespect hit a point one day. I can’t explain it but everything up to that time seemed worth it to have her then, nope, gone. I remember the moment clear as day 35 years later. Yeah, I had slowly been growing tired of it, but she introduced me to a female colleague of hers from work that she really didn’t know well and listed my inadequacies. Then she walked off, and the colleague I HAD JUST MEET SAW IT HAPPEN IN ME, visibly. I decided right then and there I’d dump this girl (but we were out of town and I’d do the right thing and drive her home- I still think it was the right thing). The female colleague looked at me as I made that decision and her eyes got big and she said, “I don’t know what just happened, but you just decided to dump her.” I was so happy at that moment, such a relief, such tension released it was almost sexual. I said “Yep, she’s toast.”
There was nothing special about this girls look’s, but she was the most interesting person to talk to at the party, so we hung out- I had no intentions for her nor her for me and it was so cool to just be myself.
On the drive home it was like she was Jeckle/ Hyde, when she tried to get me angry, nothing. When she tried to be sexual, nothing, No apology, no sweet talk in that 3 hour drive did anything. She talked the whole time and I said maybe 25 words, other than turn that crap off the radio. Dumped the girlfriend the minute she opened her door to her houseand had clearly gotten out of the car. No long explanation, I didn’t get out of the car, just said, were done. Don’t call me. I drove off with the passenger door still hanging open. The best 6 months of my life were those next 6 months, except she would call and harangue and say “well I was ready to get married” since she’d graduated college and I was 3 years behind and I often would set the phone on the table and walk away (in those days there was something called “long distance charges”- look it up. I didn’t care, she’d call me so it wasn’t on my dime.) Nothing worked, smoozing my parents at my brothers graduation, letters, thank God we lived 150 miles apart or else she’d be on my doorstep all the time. It was the beginning of my red pill moment. She acted like she hated me for the one year we dated until I was gone, then for 4 years tried to get me back. Freaky. Would not listen to anything I said.
I dated a lot after her, maybe 100 girls over a few years and learned Hypergamy was my friend in Med School. All the while I never lied or lead them on but over time I was sharpening my mind and heart and finding out who I was and who I would want to settle down with. I choose fiesty and honest, pretty over long term, not flash. She keeps me on my toes (now called game) and I am devoted but still won’t take her crap. 28 years latter.
WM,
Wonder what happened to the old girlfriend I do