This article on dating in the culture of the hookup pretty much captures examples of all the poor choices young women today should avoid.
Such dating apps may seem fun and harmless at first, not to mention there’s the validation and attention. But in the end it is hollow and empty.
Don’t be a Tinderella, would be my advice. Don’t even go there. I can’t imagine a quicker way someone could mess up their own head.
I also can’t imagine any good coming of any of the people in this story, only a future filled with empty brokenness, increasingly so with time.
Sad. Just don’t!
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While it is good advice and well meant, they are not going to follow it. There is too much pressure to be a part of the herd. Still, I hope the lurkers do read the article because it does reveal how soul sapping hookup culture is.
RPG,
Over at Spawny’s, you asked if I thought the interview with the guys was real. I think it was a complete fabrication. Maybe you can tell us the ethical problems with that? It could be that a lot of the story is a fiction.
@fuzzie to me it seems plausible that the type of guys described would do well on Tinder, young, handsome, Ivy League educated investment bankers are likely in high demand in NYC. They are the Prince Charming of today. But as their interviews reveal, they aren’t looking for relationships via these apps. thry are kids in a candy store, for now. I predict these guys will become jaded by the experience in different ways.
RPG,
You would think so, but the word that I am getting on the internet is that Tinder is a complete bust for guys. Initially, it was good for very short term, or the guys were telling stories.
Admittedly I am a relic of a different era. Online dating, and even the Internet as we know it now, didn’t exist when I was the ago of the gals in this piece. It was still the time of the courtship model. Guys asked you out on dates, and brought flowers, and wooed, and asked you to go steady, and all those things that seem quaint now but actually they were really nice. Sure there were gals who did casual sex, my college roomie went this route, but it was still not the norm vs. coupling up.
In general I see our culture becoming increasingly depraved, with less meaning or connection, and it’s accelerated over the past 20 some years in a way I find very disturbing.
Finding someone to share a life with, build a life with, that is so much more rich and satisfying than this new way. But young people today are so far from that path anymore, I don’t even know if it’s possible outside of maybe isolated pockets, Blessed are those who still find it.
Lately I have been really looking back at my life and wishing I could do many things differently. I wish I had known then what I know now. It’s too late for me to do so but my hope is this blog provides young women with support and encouragement to choose differently from the herd. To NOT make the mistakes others are making. And to offer advice they maybe won’t see anywhere else. That’s the goal!
@fuzzie I know guys irl who are getting that much action. They do exist!
Admittedly I am a relic of a different era
Probably applies more to me this does
RPG,
I have heard that. It is really depressing to guys who don’t to witness it. It is not jealousy, it ends up that they are disgusted with women.
I don’t think women want boyfriends anymore.
“It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014.”
And given its either truly dangerous or accusation dangerous to go to a club
https://beta.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/vancouvers-club-scene-stirs-debate-on-the-perils-of-hashtagactivism/article36836523/
And no one goes to church or social groups
And college is just a no go zone
Exactly where are the next generation going to find each other??
High school….guys are newbs
College….title IX and safe spaces
Work….are you kidding me
Bars…apparently not safe
Tinder…shallow hookups
Church…so two days a year on the high holidays
Ummm????
Thank god for the 80s.
P.s. its cute that the mrs often reaches out to hold my hand in her sleep.
Ahhh!
That is so cute Horseman. I’m happy for you.
My partner and I met through a hobby and I think we are lucky since we are at the age where many use Tinder.
I think it is near on impossible for those not at the top of the SMP chart to understand how things are for those lucky few who are.
……..
Sure there were gals who did casual sex, my college roomie went this route, but it was still not the norm vs. coupling up……..
LOL. Now that is some funny shit right there. You could say openly casual about sex wasnt the norm then I could say legit but what you wrote is just plan silly
………
Shit like that list of names posted on the Facebook is going to do wonders for the robotic sex doll sales
True Ton I am sure more people were doing it than admitting it but in college I mostly hung out w the church crowd so if they were I didn’t hear about it. I know I wasn’t. It’s just never been of any interest to me to sport F. Grosses me out actually! I get lots of offers to but… Pass.
One thing my mom did do was to teach me always that sex and love were linked. She believed all the other feminist stuff, but not that. I am glad she raised me that way!
everything costs something.
we have failed when we have not taught this truth. we’re raising generations of girls believing they can be anything they want, the sky’s the limit … but they’re not taught to consider the cost.
everything costs something. be very careful for that which you sell your soul.
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
31 “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32 If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33 In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
34 “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35 It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
Luke 14:25-34
my first husband has this kind of force field around him and didn’t let anyone close, not even – or perhaps especially – me.
this man i’m married to has drawn me into him from the very beginning. i love how he even reaches for me in his sleep and pulls me to him.
i ask him why he’s so good to me, and he simply answers, “Because I love you.” the kind of love every woman wants but pushes away because she’s too busy looking for better and more-perfect than seeing what she already has.
but in college I mostly hung out w the church crowd so if they were I didn’t hear about it
i went to a ‘christian’ college, and the abortion rate in that town was super high 😦
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.”
If there is one verse in the bible that repels someone from following Christ, this one would most definitely be it. Sorry for the thread jack. This just jumped out at me.
GLA – it IS a harsh verse, i think.
i was pondering this in light of several things … one being how often Christian women who don’t want to submit to their husbands claim that he should love them as Christ loves the church (ephesians 5). and i pondered, again, how did Christ love the church? He loved them so much that He required their total devotion and love above that of every other person and thing and dream and hope.
what if wives realized that *this* is how they should love their husbands?
we think love means no boundaries … but there is no real freedom without boundaries, as CopperFox wrote here: https://www.illiberal-liberal.com/2017/11/nietzsche-liberalism-and-the-paradox-of-choice/.
GLA – the original Greek for that word, hate, might be of interest to you.
Strong’s Concordance
miseó: to hate
Original Word: μισέω
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: miseó
Phonetic Spelling: (mis-eh’-o)
Short Definition: I hate, detest
Definition: I hate, detest, love less, esteem less.
http://biblehub.com/greek/3404.htm
pondering further … (my brain processes randomly 😉 )
everyone chooses what they want over what they hate. what are these tinder people choosing to hate?
how many men out here tell story after story about how their wives have come to hate them? what does a woman hate when she chooses to kill her baby?
– – –
funny video on how women’s brains work vs men’s brains:
That is a confusing verse for sure GLA. I’d have to look into it more but I think what it’s saying is that one needs to put the advice of the Word first before advice from other people?
Coming of age in the 1980s, we had microwaves, ex-hippie teachers, compact discs, VCRs, cable TV, cassette decks in cars, electronic keyboards, and even personal computers.
In short, we felt as if we’d landed in the future. The teen movies of the time emphasized this, especially classics like “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” We all believed that we were miles and miles away from the ridiculously old-fashioned 1950s era in which our parents grew up.
But looking back from the vantage point of today, the 1980s instead seem like a holdover of the 1950s. Sure, we’d gotten all those inventions, but they were just mostly extensions on what they already had (record players, electric typewriters, TV dinners, etc.).
What we failed to notice is that the demographics, family structure, and dating rituals in the U.S. were largely unchanged from thirty years earlier. The outliers “hooked up” and even they mostly had the goal of getting married and having kids in the end.
Now it seems like an entirely different world. What changed the game? Immigration? Social media? Liberal policies? The dissipation of the nuclear family? Women’s empowerment? All of the above? You decide. But if that article on Tinder reveals anything, it’s that you can no longer compare this era to what went on 20 or 30 years earlier. We’re really not in Kansas anymore, to break out an old cliche.
But if that article on Tinder reveals anything, it’s that you can no longer compare this era to what went on 20 or 30 years earlier. We’re really not in Kansas anymore, to break out an old cliche.
i agree. i feel so lost in this new culture … it’s like a parallel universe or something.
Sadly, perhaps it is gone. But everything old is new again, so they say. I hope the new generation can see the value in the old ways. The new ways are nothing but brokenness and pain. No matter how fleeting the glory. 10 years of attention is not worth 50 years of alone.
The secret, for women, is saying “no” to the new rules. Perhaps you will not be as popular, but you will win in the end.
From the linked article: “For young women the problem in navigating sexuality and relationships is still gender inequality,” says Elizabeth Armstrong, a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan who specializes in sexuality and gender. “Young women complain that young men still have the power to decide when something is going to be serious and when something is not—they can go, ‘She’s girlfriend material, she’s hookup material.’ … There is still a pervasive double standard.”
Really!! “Young women complain that young men still have the power to decide when something is going to be serious and when something is not …”
Really!!
That complaint can be valid only because of the meme “80% of the women are focused on the top 20% of the guys – or whatever the percent is. There are guys in the bottom 80% who have no chance to decide when something is going to be serious – because the women don’t even see them. Being willfully blind to the existence of those men is a very powerful demonstration that women do too have the power to decide when something is NOT going to be serious.
There is a pervasive double-standard only among the hot guys that most of the women are focused on. Because most of the women are focused on them. The only way women can take away those men’s power to decide when something is going to be serious is for the majority of the women to go focus on those bottom 80% of the guys. So long as 80% of the women want 20% of the men, those men are going to have the upper hand in the choice department.
Funny that the author ignores that truth in the article
And … why do women think men go to clubs?? Better that the lady had compiled a list of women who went to the clubs knowing that the main reason men were there is because they were looking for easy sex. Blurb at the top of such a list: “These foolish women got assulted because they intentionally placed themselves in close proximity to men the knew were looking for easy sex. Don’t be foolish like them. Stay away from the clubs.”
That action would keep women much safer than publishing a list of men who were accused of something without proof.
Ahhhh … but then, where would they get their drama hit if they behaved in a safe manner?
The secret, for women, is saying “no” to the new rules. Perhaps you will not be as popular, but you will win in the end.
popularity is like shifting sand anyway. hopefully we are successful with out own spheres of influence, Bloom, esp with our daughters … cause you’re absolutely right … 10 years of attention is not worth 50 years of alone.
Horseman at 7:02pm,
While I can’t disagree with all the points you made, how is it that women can act like their dance card is full?
As for Vancouver night life, I think it is over. With the #metoo hashtag campaign, it is open season on all men and there are no checks on the women posting to prevent defamation. Aaron Clarey has been saying that nightclubs are dead for years. They certainly are a money sink for guys.
RPG,
As far as trying to dissuade young women, we may be already too late. They are starting to ride the carousel in junior high. Once they go down that road, there is little chance of salvaging them.
More on Vancouver nightlife. Diana Davison doesn’t pull any punches. Runs ten minutes.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/11/06/re-education/
“Lately I have been really looking back at my life and wishing I could do many things differently. I wish I had known then what I know now.”
Aw Bloom looking back is probably good in some ways, but probably not too good to just dwell on wishing you could have done things differently right? At least you’re helping others and your daughters will be able to learn from you because of your honesty.
Richard P beat me to it. Without Tinder, and hookup culture, what hope do 80% of the women have of getting their chance with the top 20% of guys? 😛
I find it hilarious, to be honest. Young women are so biologically obsessed with this that they spiral out of control into this endless feedback loop of hookup to a point of crash and burn. They want to get with the best possible guy (because resources are valued more than integrity and companionship) but all of the feminist “advances” have actually destroyed their chances of getting that, and they will never understand why, or why they make these foolish choices. They’ve been reduced to sex plaything / pump-n-dump, and ultimately have to resort to far worse options in their thirties and forties.
It hadn’t occurred to me that men game the system by always swiping right. Seems like a simple way to exploit things to get quick hookups at any moment. You swipe 100 confirmations and odds are that you could hook up with at least *someone* once a week.
The comment from the liberal professor (about “gender inequality”) cracks me up, as though she insists that women are somehow “owed” resources and commitment for handing out free sex.
Pretty soon, apps will be the only way to date, because consent laws will make it mandatory to have some sort of “sex contract”. It will be like unlocking your credit report. Swipe right, punch in a pin or take a biometric scan of your fingerprint, blow into your phone mic to pass an intoxication test, and then get down and dirty. That’s so sexy! Oh, and the government will know who you’ve been banging so that they can enslave the men with alimony and child support if they refuse to “commit” (a paternal DNA test will be outlawed). She must be paid for that sex!
In a way, I’m sorta glad that I’m tucked between those generations. Average Tinder age is apparently 26, and average Match age is apparently 45. OK Cupid is in the middle. I’m a bit younger than some people here, yet not quite young enough to feel like I’m forced into playing this Tinder game. But maybe I’m old, because I find the whole concept of using an app or website to meet people to be weird. I’d rather just socialize and meet people the old fashioned way.
Also, in looking at those statistics, the ratio of women to men seems to spike from 50/50 to 60/40 as we age. So either there are a lot of desperate 30-40 something women (Who can’t find a good man anywhere!), or many men have just gone RP / MGTOW post-divorce rape.
True Stephanie, I do wish I knew then what I know now… but like you say, one can’t dwell.
A dad, agreed. Meeting people in person seems way better. Online dating and apps just feels…weird!
Where assortitive mating worked.
A six Knew they (man or woman) had no real chance at a eight or nine. So they took the six or seven or even five that crossed their path and made the best of it.
But now everyone Deserves a ten. Because….feelz…wantz.
A fellow six? Eh, puh, yucky.
Well a six is better than a zero as in nada, zilch.
Forty years (45-85) is a hell of a long time to be
ABSOLUTELY ALONE.
Not that I would know, thirty in, thirty to go.
The are biologically obsessed about alpha cock because alpha cock and alpha baby batter is just about the sum total of their biological purpose
I met my wife on a dating site (although back a decade – they were different back then) – and I end up working for them (management/engineering).
Surprisingly, it doesn’t look like a meat market from the inside. We receive the story of happy marriages and share them within the company. They do happen!
And the business is very concerned with women’s safety – due to practical reasons. Getting women on board is crucial to success – you got them, you got the guys willing to pay for showing off. But still, most dating sites have 4:1 male-to-female ratio! It’s even worse for niche dating. That’s why women focus on top-20%! It’s not The Dreaded Carousel for most of them! It’s just there are four guys for every gal to choose from. Lots of men get resentful, and then harassing – being verbally abusive, sending dick pics etc., driving women away and reducing the chances for the rest of the guys. It is a big problem.
Dating apps, of course, contribute to the sorry state of sex relationships (mostly through creating the false perception of limitless options, and also through embittering a good deal of men). But it’s all started with no-fault-divorce and the normalisation of sex before marriage.
Thats interesting Sergy. I do know a few couples who met via online dating and seem well matched and happy. I tried it briefly, but found it awkward. Somehow it just felt too “forced” or something vs. meeting someone in person organically. I mean, you would think after seeing the photos, reading the profile, exchanging emails, etc. it would increase the odds of a match, but I found it it all seemed to come down to that first meeting, the chemistry either was there or it wasn’t, on either side. When you meet someone in person, that just happens automatically, so there’s no weird, “oh you aren’t who you seemed” moment. But also I wasn’t probably in the right mind frame at that time so perhaps my experience wasn’t typical. And admittedly I gave up on it rather quickly.
As for meeting someone on Tinder and having sex wi hours, I can’t even imagine it! Pass…
Whoops I accidentally deleted you comment trying to reply, Ton. But it’s back! Likely true that is a subconscious driver. Women who would never otherwise have a shot w a top guy can at least get one for a few hours?
Personally I have honestly never met any guy that made me want to jump right in bed. Even really good looking ones. So I don’t get it. Sure I have felt lust or attraction but it’s never been to the point of just getting right to getting it on.
@RPG
90% of the people do not bother with the profiles – either reading or writing them. Best you can get is a link to Instagram or Facebook (“hey, look at fake pictures of my happy life!”).
It’s all about getting that first date, hence the steady drift toward the bright visuals over the last decade (Tinder and the likes are all about the pictures nowadays).
It does fill unnatural for some people – especially those from the small towns. It’s a “sprawling urban centre where nobody knows anybody else” thing. Both my wife and I were new to the (big) city where we met.
None of us was looking for hookups back then (that was back in Russia), and none of my wife’s female friends who use the dating now is (here in the UK). I’d say, “dating is about hookups” is either a manufactured media hysteria or maybe a reality of campuses.
I am aware that there are ladies are looking for sex on dating apps (through my bachelor friends in their 30s, who still play the field – although none of them is too happy about it), but those are quite rare – one in ten or one in twenty maybe? – and most of them are in unhappy marriages.
The rest of the gals just want to find someone suitable for long term. Furthermore, I am sure A LOT of them want a husband, but will never state it explicitly because of a) the current narrative that proclaims it’s a sign of weakness for young women to yearn for a man to start a family with and b) men will RUN AWAY once they mention that. And they will, partly because they scared of the state and feminist mafia, and partially because modern men are not too keen on accepting responsibility.
That’s because you ain’t yet meet me 😉
Lol Ton, how did I just know you were going to say that!
Sergey: “It’s not The Dreaded Carousel for most of them! It’s just there are four guys for every gal to choose from.”
I used to know some tech guys in the dating site biz too and our conversations, going back many years so memory is sort of vague, suggested that many women used to create a profile “to feel like they were being proactive while not having to actually approach men.” They then never looked at the profile again and just went back to hanging out in bars making men they didn’t really want do all the work because they were just effort averse … and it’s easier when you can blame the bad hook ups on bad guys you barely (or drunkenly) chose.
More motivated women stuck around the site and fielded emails but were overwhelmed with wacky guys. That’s because of the ratio and because so many guys never got any attention for all their messaging so they started acting like the women were all imaginary, fake profiles, old profiles, whatever. Why not be obnoxious; nothing to lose.
It seems like there were a few good years but that was while ago. I did it for a few months in the early 2000s. I went on about four dates. All were decent looking, two significantly more than decent looking. Two were pretty interesting and amusing but I let them follow up or not and only one did. From all of them I got the clear message that there were so many men that the next guy could always be “the one” and so they were just moving through the crowd at top speed without ever paying much attention. I didn’t get the feeling that there was a lot of sex going down just a lot of light “shopping.”
I got very clear indications that, dating site or not, the real hooking up was still in bars or clubs. I almost never went out with gals I hadn’t vetted in person one way or another so it wasn’t really my thing … but I never experienced the freak show many were complaining about.
Where all the “good men” went. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MVa9lHes98
A Dad,
It has been a while since I signed on to OkCupid. The last time I could survey the difference, it was about 11/10 male to female in my age group. I think that men are figuring it out, hence, the drop in numbers.
One final thought for this thread. It seems that women in general and Tinderellas in particular aren’t all that impressed with “alpha fucks”.