Here’s an excellent blog post that really explains, from a guy’s point of view, why the common advice to young women to put off marriage is really bad advice.
As too many women find out too late, when you decide at 30 or 35 to get serious about getting serious, you’ve missed the window by a decade or more.
Few men ever love again the way they loved their first love. I wish more girls were taught this.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
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http://nationalpost.com/entertainment/celebrity/is-it-okay-to-keep-and-wear-an-engagement-ring-from-an-ex-mariah-carey-thinks-so
Um no.
1. You aint engaged no more and nothing looks like an engagement ring…Like An Engagement Ring!
2. Um broafcasting that you balked at the gate?
3. How is this not screaming Greedy Bitch to all future guys you meet?
You had ten years to “get the horny bug” out of you.
The guys had ten years to get the “maybe I should man up bug” out of them.
Duh.
Besides. Kids! Add two years to the age at marriage for the first birth.
Then add 18 for how old your going to be waiting for your Oldest to come home after curfew.
35 at marriage? 55 waiting up for the kid! The Oldest kid!
Double Duh.
Men’s testosterone is high in his teens and 20’s and decreases. Testosterone is what increases sex drive in most men. In his 30’s he is less interested in getting serious.
A woman’s fertility peak from 16 years old to to 22 years old. By 25 years old she should be married and have at least one child.
Most men aren’t interested women’s education or success men are interested in peak fertility.
I’ve got married at 24, to the woman I met at 22. We had a kid by then. She kept working for maybe six months after we met, but dropped and never worked out of necessity (she started her own baking business a couple of years ago) since then, as my income was already good enough to cover us both. I prefer for my wife to enjoy the life, while I get the money. More adoration this way, and no silly competitions.
It undoubtedly different for different people, but for me, early marriage was a “get your shit together” moment. I was always an industrious and organised guy, but having to provide for a family provided me with the very clear aim.
Both of us just hit our 30s, we are very well off even by London standards, have two kids (one in secondary, both will be off to Uni before we reach 45), and think about two or three more.
She’s not a feminist, and I am not bitter with women: our understanding of the opposite gender is based on living with each other, and this was a very positive experience. We had no skeletons and no bitter past experiences to poison our marriage.
But of course it was a leap of faith on both sides, and we both got lucky, and we both are Russians.
@Sergy that makes me happy to read! Blessed are those who never know the complexity and pain that this modern way leads to!
that’s a very powerful post. so much in there including the tragic reflection of the (unintended) consequences of feminism.
– – –
Blessed are those who never know the complexity and pain that this modern way leads to!
i’ve thought of that often.
Marrying early is a great idea if the girl is committed. If not, it just moves the time frame up for the eventual frivorce. Sorry to rain on the parade, but I have read too many posts from guys.
RPG,
I found this over at Spawny’s. In answering it here, you can’t miss it.
“@fuzzie women’s attraction makes sense if you keep in mind they predate a safe and stable society.”
Women are attracted to antisocial men. It is that simple. Antisocial men were never a good choice, at any time. That is why men get so disgusted with women’s choices.
Here is a link you should read.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad
While these guys are supposed to have women fall at their feet, they would be horrible mating choices. As cavemen, they would be outcast. In modern times, they would end up as criminals. We have always been social as a species, that explains how we were able to domesticate animals. Antisocialism on this level is next to evil, yet women go for it.
@Fuzzie
> If not, it just moves the time frame up for the eventual frivorce.
Well, that’s life. There are no guarantees in life. You take your best shot and hope for the better. Or you freeze in uncertainty. (And suffering is a part of life, too).
> Women are attracted to antisocial men.
I’ve got a lot of married men around, none of them is antisocial. But women often do love rough side in men – because, hey, men have it, and women, in general, do not. It works both ways: a lot of men like it when women are nurturing and a bit submissive – it’s gender polarity, and it attracts.
Use it for your gain. You don’t have to be antisocial, but you can join a boxing club (a real one, not pilates classes in the gym), or get a bike. One way or another, it will help to build your confidence.
Dalrock linked this, a chart showing the difference between never marrieds in 1980 and 2015. If a woman is down to commit, earlier marriage is a god idea. There are three times the percentage of never marrieds at age 45 in 2015 as there were in 1980.
@Fuzzie
I see that one in four marries by 24, half by 28. One in five is unmarriageable, which sounds about right either.
Marriage patterns changed over the last decades, that’s for sure. Since the invention of agriculture and up to World Wars, we were living in a sexual socialism of a sort: social pressure and mores almost guaranteed a life-long mate for every man and woman. Being on your own was an exception (it was hard – especially for women – and meaningless, as society was family-oriented). You were not expected to be the best man on Earth either – having a steady job and not being an abusive drunk was enough to be a perfect husband.
Now we are back to hunter-gatherer sexual free market, where everyone tries to secure the best mate, and nobody interested in dating below the median (even people, who are below the average themselves), because “it’s better to be on your own that with a bad wife/husband”. Yeah, it’s all the girls want the top guys (and society does not tell them that it is impossible and teaches them to “follow the dream” instead of humility), and it sucks for plain girls either, because the only attention they can get is pity-f. If you think that it only girls, who have no idea what they want from life, you probably never spoke with them about their experience with boys. I mean, seriously. Speak with young men. Who of them is ready to settle and provide for her and the baby while being 22?
Anyway, that’s the reality. The only way to deal with reality is to accept and adapt. Earn some money, build muscles and confidence, keep being an exciting person while in marriage and hope that you married a sane person.
And one more thing. Over the years I learned that when it comes to opinions on the opposite sex, it is ALWAYS personal. Guys, you blame women on having a “rationalisation hamster”. Just make sure yours is not doing circles rationalising your sorry state.
Sergey,
The reason we are back to what you see as the “hunter gather sexual free market” is because women have dumped assortive mating for the tournament social model. It is what they want. Men don’t have a choice, we only get to react.
It is not a universal experience, Fuzzie. Men are not passive victims to female whims. And it’s not what “they want”. That’s what they are being told to want by a small minority of their sex that holds control over the media, and it works nicely for top men, so we have what we have.
I have never been to the States, and maybe all your women are horrible, but I seriously doubt it. Even British girls are not as bad as they paint.
It’s the narrative, not the people. Sharing scary war stories of ugly divorces (that are being happily promoted by PUAs to validate their life choices) across manosphere is not helping either.
Sergey,
If I had better fortune, I would not have dug as deep. There is something very wrong and beyond my ability to affect. Consider yourself fortunate that you are married and out of the game.
Nothing new it’s old news. MGTOW has been saying this for many years. Of course most women won’t listen. Even my 70 year old aunt thinks older women are ok to marry because they are educated. As if men really care about a woman’s education.
By the way, men are passive victims to the whims of women. Our society is structured that way. When you worked in internet dating, did you not do everything possible to make women “comfortable”? In the midst of it, it is hard to see how many concessions have been given to women. That is how deep the gynocentrism goes.
> When you worked in internet dating, did you not do everything possible to make women “comfortable”?
No, we do not. What we do is, we police the men to make sure they do not act stupid, driving women away (and the rest of the adequate men with them). Men used to police themselves from the time immemorial. It was called the patriarchy before feminist made it into a swear word.
> In the midst of it, it is hard to see how many concessions have been given to women.
If concessions have been GIVEN to them – apparently they are not in control. Those who give are.
It was always the same. Best men are on top. Women are in the middle. Poor quality men at the bottom.
Men dominate boardrooms – and men dominate prisons, two sides of the same coin. And women? Women just play it safe. Do you envy them? You shouldn’t. When it sucks, it sucks for both sexes, and women of your social standing do not have it any better than you are.
I’ll bet you never found it odd that men never complained.
Your wife is not a feminist???? So she does not believe on equal opportunity for women????? So you like weak women than or women who live to please or as you said adore their man???? Wow she is so lucky you sound like a catch!
> So she does not believe on equal opportunity for women?
Are two people, one with IQ of 65 and the other with IQ of 165 have equal opportunities? They are not. And there’s no such thing as “equal opportunity”. Your opportunity heavily depends on your genes, your upbringing, your location and your choices.
As for women, different women have different opportunities. People are not equal: women are not equal to other women, and men are not equal to other men, and men and women are not comparable to each other. It doesn’t make any sense to compare two groups with four billion members each.
“Equality” is just an empty word without any rational meaning, same as “fairness”. It’s a religious word that only makes sense to a zealot of the egalitarian deist religious cult of Social Progres. I do not belong to that parish.
So, no, she doesn’t care a bit about equality. She only cares about happiness, and I make her happy.
> So you like weak women than
“Weak”? She’s an assertive woman, who can easily dominate weaker women and men. It’s just I am a stronger man, and that’s why she loves me.
Because, you see, for a Russian woman either your man is stronger than you, or he’s a liability that brings you down. Now, do between a stronger man and a manchild you can boss around – do you really go for the later? Why? Because of your insecurities?
> or women who live to please or as you said adore their man?
The fact that you adore something (like your kids, your pet, or your husband) doesn’t mean you “live to please”.
“Your wife is not a feminist???? So she does not believe on equal opportunity for women????? So you like weak women than or women who live to please or as you said adore their man???? Wow she is so lucky you sound like a catch!”
LOL spot the newbie!
“So, no, she doesn’t care a bit about equality. She only cares about happiness, and I make her happy.”
❤ So romantic Sergy! Love hearing about good happy marriages.
Just a thought… for anyone reading with an unhappy marriage or divorced, take care of yourself.
Really take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself.
@Fuzzie
> I’ll bet you never found it odd that men never complained.
Fuzzie, all dating services are for MEN. MEN are paying customers. Women do not spend money on dating, MEN do. Tinder is all pictures because MEN are visual creatures, not because it’s nice for women.
Why would men complain, when the services are built for men, by men?
That’s why there’re very popular gay dating services, but no lesbian dating services. It’s a male thing, even for “girls first” datings like Bumble.
From Yoga Girl: “Your wife is not a feminist???? So she does not believe on equal opportunity for women????? So you like weak women than or women who live to please or as you said adore their man???? Wow she is so lucky you sound like a catch!”
Ugh. This tired argument again. I don’t think that you are going to get the responses that you are fishing for on this blog, but maybe I am wrong. Probably fishing for reactions.
From your Yoga girl blog:
“Who am I? A woman, mother, fitness instructor…what’s underneath all that? What are you here for? What kind of footprint do you wish to leave once you’ve gone from this earth?”
You sure do ask a lot of questions, but I noticed one thing about your profile. It doesn’t say “wife”. So perhaps you are a single (feminist) mother. Are you so strong and “equal” that you don’t take alimony or child support from a man to support your life with a “play job”? Because I know no full-time yoga or fitness instructors that make above a teenage part-time wage. But daddy government loves women like you because you grow the system with a GDP of zero point zero.
Sergey – You asked about the types of women that we have in the US (and Canada). Here is your shining example of a typical North American woman.
Sergey,
You are the first internet dating insider that I have conversed with. With your input, I understand why it is such a failure for men. That is what brought me here to this corner of the internet.
Also, I have to second what A Dad said. However, she kept it polite, which is remarkable. So, she gets a video as a peace offering.
Stephanie – I often wonder if more marriages are better than most people make them out to be. I don’t think that the high divorce rate is simply just because all men are pieces of garbage and women universally are perfect and “deserve better” (70-80% of divorces). I know that we’ve debunked all of the mainstream myths a million times. With a small amount of work, I think that most couples could have very satisfying marriages. But it takes an effort from both and takes a lot of things that most men and women aren’t capable of, or even aware of.
It’s just too easy to divorce now, and it’s encouraged. But the feminists don’t want to admit that they’ve been lied to.
Having been married, I can say that the guy’s blog post is fairly spot-on. To be honest, I feel pretty liberated now that she’s gone. I don’t want any women in my life for more than a short amount of time. Married life for most (but not all) men is mostly beta indentured servitude. I’ve done my time as a slave and now it’s only the temporary alimony before I’m totally free from the shackles, but I finally can breathe again and feel like I’m the man I was when I was younger.
RPG – I mentioned before that I know a few women who are late-30s or older, and they seem to be desperately trying to find someone to settle down with. I see that many older men though prefer bachelorhood at that age, either because they were already raked through the coals in frvorce court or just can’t find that women offer them much. In many ways, my life is much simpler now. I still miss having people around on some nights when the kid is gone but also appreciate the peace and quiet at times as well.
No intention to ever marry again. I think that women just believe that eligible men grow on trees or something… Until they discover that they do not when their looks fade and they can’t be a mother to his children.
@A Dad
> I often wonder if more marriages are better than most people make them out to be.
I think that what people fail to realise, is: life sucks. I mean, a good deal of it. Even with money and health. It is full of suffering. And no, your marriage (that might’ve been better – but then WHAT part of your life is perfect and can’t be improved?) is not the source of it. Suffering is just a part of human condition. Life will still suck when you divorce, and it will suck even more when you marry again, and then divorce for the second time. But the suckiest part of it would be to spend most of your time alone after 60.
That’s one.
Two is: having family means a shitload of responsibility. It’s easier to be on your own! Even with kids. You can send little bastards to daycare rationalising that now, as a single parent, you just can’t combine proper care with your job, and get back to that single sweet life of yours. I mean, it might be exhausting, but you don’t have to compromise with another human being living under the same roof (again, you don’t have to compromise with kids, you can just force them to do what you want). So that’s that. People these days tend to avoid responsibility, because – hey, they can! Back in the 1950s, it was probably impossible. “He who does not work, neither shall he eat” was still a thing.
Finally:
> I don’t think that the high divorce rate is simply just because all men are pieces of garbage and women universally are perfect and “deserve better” (70-80% of divorces)
I am not trying to protect women here (in my opinion, they are no more and no less guilty of what’s happening than men), but from legal people I spoke with on the subject, I heard this: “Sure, 70% of the cases are filed by women. A small nuance is, a third-to-half of them file for divorce when they find out that their husband was cheating on them. Apparently, the husband doesn’t feel like filing for divorce himself in such a case. Furthermore, in many cases, women just swallow it, and nobody files.”
My wife blames feminism for that: it created a culture of too many unattached ladies. “They should have their own husbands by their late 20s, not trying to mess with mine!” But then she has a somewhat sexist view of men, thinking that our kind often can’t control themselves when they see a nice set of hips.
I think part of the problem is that many people really have no true info on what makes marriage work, so they do what society advises and find themselves unhappy w/o understanding why. The blue pill model leads to both men and women being unfulfilled. It sounds good but it just doesn’t work. And then they are told the “problem” is they are w the wrong person and the “solution” is divorce. But as Sergy so wisely says, it’s rarely the marriage, it’s just life. Some days and seasons are better and worse, divorce doesn’t change that.
Sergey – You said that you are Russian. I think that a lot of people in the west lost a lot of what you talk about. Like you say. Suffering is part of the human condition. Too many people in the US only want “easy” and opt to take the short path.
Regarding cheating: I think that statistics are showing, at least in the US, that as many, if not more women, may be cheaters than men. And if it’s not sexual, it’s “emotional affairs”. My ex was trying to meet guys on dating sites to branch swing before our divorce was even formally filed. And she clearly had plenty of “guy friends” on Facebook.
I’m pretty fortunate. My child has never spent a day in daycare, and never will. I basically told her that I wouldn’t have any kids if they had to go to daycare. and she agreed. We’ve managed to make it work even after the divorce.
@A Dad
> Regarding cheating: I think that statistics are showing, at least in the US, that as many, if not more women, may be cheaters than men.
It doesn’t imply that, because of: http://www.upcisam.com/about/singles-statistics/
“In 2011 there were 102.1 million singles in America, that represented 44.1% of all US residents. By 2014, just three short years later, there are now 124.6 million singles in America, representing over 50% of all US residents.”
More than half of Americans are single so that you can cheat with a single lady (hence, she will not be a cheater, but you will). And I am pretty sure “married man – single lady” is a much more popular combination that “married woman – single man”.
We’ve been to an office party recently, me, my wife and our two kids (she was in the city with kids, and popped in). The single office ladies openly eyed me out – with my wife and two kids standing right next to me! Why? Because not only I am a handsome high-earner (there are plenty single men on money around the office), but I am also a family man with a proved record. I do want to have a family and kids – that’s why I have family in kids. Just not with them. But maybe they can make me reconsider, hm?
A lot of women is ruthless and extremely egotistical to other women when it comes to grabbing a man. And a lot of men will be flattered by female attention (=sense of personal power) and sexual novelty to consider the affair.
And now women are forced into Unies, and then into building careers, so they do not marry until their 30s, and it’s a catfight for the small (and ever-shrinking, as Western culture forgot how to produce them) number of decent men.
Again, not trying to defend women here, but except for cheating and abuse (not a thing among middle class and up, but is a problem for working/welfare classes), the most common reasons for divorce on their side seems to be:
1) “emotional neglect”. Often non-intentional, say a husband switched to a full-blown provider mode “for the better of the family”, spending all his time on the job, and using weekends to get some badly needed rest. Men are blind to this one. It caused at least three divorces around me. Ladies want attention, “I’m tired getting all those money” is not an excuse. It works both ways! Men often cheat due to this as well.
2) husband is turning into a slob/couch potato. Often caused by (1), he just too tired, but also by lowering standards due to “hey, I don’t have to do my best all the time to get pussy anymore!”. Again, it works both ways.
3) total mismatch of the expectations (usually due to the marriage being much more responsibility/compromise and much less fun/romance than expected). That seems to be an issue among young Western women.
What was yours? (1) or (3)?
Of course, there’s also an option 4 – “Sergey, you are a lousy fortune teller” 🙂
I would say that mine was option 4, but maybe a bit of option 3 only because she regressed to teenage-like behavior after she was “done” with being a mother and a wife. You know, because real life isn’t that fun when you are a girl who can have anything. But now she has to work her ass off, so I find humor in the whole thing. I don’t think that she’s finding single mom land to be as glamorous as she thought it would be.
But, no. I really think that it was her “mid-life crisis” as she approaches the wall and desperately is seeking “the one” since she was convinced after half of our lives together that it wasn’t me. Frankly, shit was way too easy for her because I stupidly let it get that way and it went out of control.
I have a pretty good / flexible job, that pays well, but I have plenty of time on afternoons and weekends. And I’m in pretty good shape. Strong build, tall. I tend to think I’m a decently handsome guy, but what do I know?
There was a lot of outside pressure though from the other divorced single moms and beta orbiters. One would think that our marriage should be stronger than that, but I think that she’s just easily manipulated.
I’ve known *lots* of women who cheat. I’m not really talking about those that are strictly married. Usually when they are young and not married, but in “serious” relationships. Yeah, it’s probably less common when they marry but there are some good reasons for your explanations above.
Married man + single woman combination. Women are known to use other women as a gauge for a man’s value, just as you say about the office ladies going nuts for you.
Married woman + single man combination. Unless he’s a desperate beta male, no real man is going to want to be with such a woman other than for sex. She’s normally a liability, has a litter of someone else’s kids, and clearly isn’t trustworthy. Men and women like that are basically the lowest of the low. We could go on about Alpha ^&*% / Beta bucks, but I’m sure we’ve all heard it a million times.
Women “cheat” in different ways than men. While some will argue that “emotional affairs” aren’t as bad as sexual affairs, I would say that they are potentially just as damaging. Perhaps even more damaging, because women generally can’t disconnect sex from love.
Sergey, not that it’s my place to say so, but yours are a welcome, intelligent and worthwhile set of opinions!
Dad: “Married life for most (but not all) men is mostly beta indentured servitude. I’ve done my time as a slave and now it’s only the temporary alimony before I’m totally free from the shackles, but I finally can breathe again and feel like I’m the man I was when I was younger.”
This made me think of a lesson that writing taught me. Time is a factor in character.
Is it possible that Beta traits Beta-like because their timescale is stretched out? Planning for the future is boring (especially for a drama queen), not taking offense (or talking yourself out of taking offense) could be an attempt to preserve long term relationships … these can be potentially intelligent acts but, they can also have a taint of cowardice. The Beta doesn’t do retribution because, you know, repercussions. If the same man knew he would die tomorrow, he’d behave differently. Civilization, families and the like force everyone to think of the future … possibly more than is really healthy.
Alpha traits tend to be more immediate, time wise. Take responsibility (in the short term, even if it hurts you in the long term), act to enforce respect, live for today. Counterintuitively some of these qualities can make you a better provider … at least in the short run. And two hundred years ago that might be all the run a man would get.
I’m not expressing the detail of this as well as I’d like but if you run with the idea it might make sense. The bottom line is that characters who have more immediate demands put on them, character types who have more immediate responses, characters who live like there is no tomorrow or even just fewer tomorrows (like Men were designed to live and traditionally have lived for millions of years) are flat out more interesting. To everyone.
pretty interesting discussion so far…..still reading
Alan Kardec – I would say that many men (mistakenly) become passive, tamed, if you will, after marriage. Much of it is to preserve the peace because guys generally and truly want to make their wife happy. I think that it can have severe repercussions though because men might believe that they are making the right choices only to find that their wives loathe them for it. It’s what you get now with a society of little boys that have been raised by single moms to be surrogate husbands, tamed and churned out into the wild to ultimately be real husbands with no real model of what it means to be a man. And now masculinity is branded as “bad”, which further exacerbates the problems. You are a cultural misfit if you don’t adapt to the new “norm”, like that douchebag who was brought up on Spawny’s about how he’s re-educating himself to unlearn “toxic masculinity”. This crap is mainstream now.
Trying to be the “modern man” is a good way to end up divorced because she isn’t attracted to that guy. Any lady that denies it is is a liar.
Ton’s said it a million times about how only alpha @&#* attracts women. I think that he’s absolutely right, even though saying as much isn’t going to win us fans among the feminist liberal world, because it basically exposes the nature of women (gasp!). I remember when my wife was absolutely smitten by me. That was back when I didn’t take shit from anyone.
Ladies here aren’t going to like what I say. Some will get it. Some will not. There was some real validity to the phrase “put your bitch in check”, because frankly most women just tend to get effin’ nuts by their own nature. Not saying that abuse is to ever be used, but just keep the means in line to kick her out the door and onto her ass when she gets out of line. This is why marriage is a death trap. It’s way harder to do that than when dating as long as the state is involved to enforce your role as a subservient provider. As long as men have no power in marriage, there is no reason to ever marry. There are still all of these claims that it’s a patriarchal institution yet I can see no signs that men benefit from what’s been completely tainted by “toxic feminism”.
> Is it possible that Beta traits Beta-like because their timescale is stretched out?
I do not believe in Alpha/Beta divide. I do think that Alphas make perfect Betas, it’s just in a society with no enforced life-long monogamy they don’t have to. Same with Betas – they’d gladly embrace hump&dump (because men are magnetised by Nature to be attracted to sex, not to children or a specific woman), but often the only thing they can draw a woman with is their readiness for a long-term commitment.
Anyway. There’s a thing that is not PC but might be right. Women are somewhat close to children in a way that they expect for someone stronger to save them from trouble. Which requires that stronger person to be around, and, the same way as children do, women NEED DEFINED BORDERS BADLY to avoid anxiety. Which is fair, as they are much more fragile, especially during pregnancy – a condition that most women spend most of their lives in during most of the human history.
Not providing a kid with the borders is a way to raise a neurotic. Not providing a woman with boundaries will turn her into an emotional wreck.
And Betas. Well, Betas do not have a clue on how to establish that borders. We are all raised in a culture where violence against women is a strict taboo, and every man that plays by the rules (hence every Beta by definition) is aware of that. It’s either “yes” or “abuse” for him. He doesn’t know how to say “no” without feeling guilty (“she is upset – I am the source – I offended her – I am a bad man”). The culture does not teach men how to do that properly (without actual abuse), and it does not explain this to women either – on the contrary.
That might be the rationale for women being attracted to what other men consider to be abusive scum – convicts, wife beaters etc. “He beats me, yes, but at least with him, I KNOW what I can and can’t do”. I mean, it’s a weird logic, but it can be compared to how kids feel: they very much prefer strict, but predictable regiment to a limbo of total permissiveness.
I believe it’s one of the reason while women nag. Often they do not want a specific decision; they just want a resolution, certainty – not to feel anxious about the situation. But a man can’t say “no” due to the above, and doesn’t feel like “yes”. So he says “I heard you”, or something like that, and her anxiety level hikes even more, so she asks again etc.
Saying “no” in a reasonable, non-abusive manner (“no, darling, this is not what’s going to happen – here’s what I do instead”) is probably the most crucial skill that modern men lack.
Sergey – I would agree with most of that, PC or not. Even things that aren’t PC aren’t necessarily wrong. The big issue is all of the lies, because nobody from the mainstream is going to say that you are correct about any of this.
Again. We apparently have a society where “toxic masculinity” and “rape culture” run rampant. Yet it seems as though every time men make more concessions they just become that much more disposable, and women seem to just be that much more pissed about their lives. Nevermind that women make up the vast majority of prescription drug users for psychotropics / ant-depressants, etc. It’s taboo to talk about these things now because it makes you a “woman hater”.
@ A Dad
I believe that both “toxic masculinity” (aka immature child-men, who got stuck in the hyper-aggressive phase of their development) and “rape culture” are both there, and are real issues. The problem is, they are misaddressed due to the insane state of racial relationships in the USA in Europe. The real “rape culture” is black-on-white rape. The real “toxic masculinity” is a gang culture of Black (and, to the lesser extent, Spaniard) youth, in communities where committed fathers are unicorn beasts. I never bothered with diving deep into the US criminal stats, but here in the UK home violence among “working class” ethnical minorities (BAME, “Black-Asian-Middle Eastern” as the gov calls them) is pandemic, while media keeps castigating middle-class white family men.
Toxic masculinity and rape culture are bloody evident to any foreigner, who decide to watch American TV for the first time – a single rap song by an overgrown black boy wearing teenager clothes rapping about bitches and hoes SCREAMS about both.
But media can’t blame black men. So it’s just blaming men. And those men, who actually read and listen to the media – middle-class white men – have to deal with this onslaught; while women, who are quite herdish and empathic, extend that victimhood from lower class girls to all womanhood.
The irony is that the immature child-men generally come from broken homes, raised without fathers (often but not always by force). You pretty much lose whether or not you want to be a dedicated family man as long as there is the constant feminist victimhood agenda and there are real cash benefits to women having children out of wedlock in welfare state that encourages it through alimony or public assistance.
I’m torn on whether a man that wants children should marry at all, because I want to believe that it’s the best thing for children yet so many parents divorce anyway. If you’d asked me a few years ago, my opinion on the matter would be far different.
Alan Kardec…the timescale model is very interesting.
In writing, though, how does this fit with character development over time?
> The irony is that the immature child-men generally come from broken homes
Absolutely. And I think that the current state of the black community (and the reason why I mentioned them in my last post) is a direct consequence of black women being the first women, who married the state.
Now, there are no fathers in black families (patriarchy = “rule of the father”, no fathers – no patriarchy), and black women are overwhelmingly better educated and employed than black men are. In many regards, American Black community is a model feminist society – and our future, if we continue to go this way (it’ll eventually spill to the UK, which is heavily influenced by the US cultural trends).
Sergey – Yeah, it’s all the girls want the top guys (and society does not tell them that it is impossible and teaches them to “follow the dream” instead of humility)
if i’ve heard it once said to girls, i’ve heard it a thousand times: “You can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor one.” … meaning … don’t settle for what you don’t want, you *deserve* THE very best. not once did i ever hear, “If you want a high quality man then become a high quality woman.”
Sergey – And it’s not what “they want”. That’s what they are being told to want
truth right there … that’s why it’s SO important to speak/write the truth and hopefully to get women to realize that all the bs they’ve been fed is just that. if what they’re doing is making them miserable, then it’s probably not good. when we go against what we’re designed to be, we’re not going to be happy or content.
Sergey – Men dominate boardrooms – and men dominate prisons, two sides of the same coin. And women? Women just play it safe. Do you envy them? You shouldn’t. When it sucks, it sucks for both sexes, and women of your social standing do not have it any better than you are.
Sergey’s on a roll!
what’s different now is that women are being told (as you mentioned above) in media, etc, that this life that sucks that they’re living is good and what they want and that it doesn’t suck … so they’ve deluded themselves to believe it’s good when it’s really not. shocking the lies they’re believing and shocking how much they’re rearranging who they are to try to justify believing those lies and shocking how they don’t even see it.
Sergey – “Equality” is just an empty word without any rational meaning, same as “fairness”. It’s a religious word that only makes sense to a zealot of the egalitarian deist religious cult of Social Progres. I do not belong to that parish.
my girls have heard it said from me since they were born: “Life is NOT fair, just, or equal. Get over it.” then they’d whine and say they didn’t want to get over it. i’d tell them to add it to the list (of things that are not fair just or equal). then they’d whine, “It’s not fair … AND I DON’T WANT TO ADD IT TO THE LIST, MOMMY!!!”
now they’ve grown up and accept these truths whether they like them or not. because they’ve grown up. and they can either accept them to be true or move out – either way is fine with me.
– – –
biblically speaking – men and women were NOT created equal from the beginning nor were their roles ever equal. man was created first. God found man to be lonely. so God created women from man, for man, to be his helper. (Genesis 1-3)
A Dad – I often wonder if more marriages are better than most people make them out to be. I don’t think that the high divorce rate is simply just because all men are pieces of garbage and women universally are perfect and “deserve better” (70-80% of divorces). I know that we’ve debunked all of the mainstream myths a million times. With a small amount of work, I think that most couples could have very satisfying marriages. But it takes an effort from both and takes a lot of things that most men and women aren’t capable of, or even aware of.
truth.
it’s amazing how little it takes to make things work – one just needs to be willing.
Bloom – I think part of the problem is that many people really have no true info on what makes marriage work, so they do what society advises and find themselves unhappy w/o understanding why. The blue pill model leads to both men and women being unfulfilled. It sounds good but it just doesn’t work. And then they are told the “problem” is they are w the wrong person and the “solution” is divorce. But as Sergy so wisely says, it’s rarely the marriage, it’s just life. Some days and seasons are better and worse, divorce doesn’t change that.
TRUTH.
Sergey – I think that what people fail to realise, is: life sucks. I mean, a good deal of it. Even with money and health. It is full of suffering. And no, your marriage (that might’ve been better – but then WHAT part of your life is perfect and can’t be improved?) is not the source of it. Suffering is just a part of human condition.
yes. truth. even the bible states this as true (John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”)
– – – – –
Two is: having family means a shitload of responsibility. It’s easier to be on your own! Even with kids. You can send little bastards to daycare rationalising that now, as a single parent, you just can’t combine proper care with your job, and get back to that single sweet life of yours. I mean, it might be exhausting, but you don’t have to compromise with another human being living under the same roof (again, you don’t have to compromise with kids, you can just force them to do what you want). So that’s that. People these days tend to avoid responsibility, because – hey, they can! Back in the 1950s, it was probably impossible. “He who does not work, neither shall he eat” was still a thing.
truth.
A Dad – Regarding cheating: I think that statistics are showing, at least in the US, that as many, if not more women, may be cheaters than men. And if it’s not sexual, it’s “emotional affairs”.
i believe this is true.
Sergey – but except for cheating and abuse (not a thing among middle class and up, but is a problem for working/welfare classes)
actually … i don’t see cheating and abuse as class-specific. i think it’s just covered up easier in the middle class and up.
A Dad – “put your bitch in check”
haven’t heard that before, but it’s excellent. i think i’ll use this on my daughters (who are almost 18 and just 20, so they’re definitely old enough to ‘get’ it!)
Sergey – women NEED DEFINED BORDERS BADLY … Not providing a kid with the borders is a way to raise a neurotic. Not providing a woman with boundaries will turn her into an emotional wreck. … I believe it’s one of the reason while women nag. Often they do not want a specific decision; they just want a resolution, certainty – not to feel anxious about the situation. But a man can’t say “no” due to the above, and doesn’t feel like “yes”. So he says “I heard you”, or something like that, and her anxiety level hikes even more, so she asks again etc. Saying “no” in a reasonable, non-abusive manner (“no, darling, this is not what’s going to happen – here’s what I do instead”) is probably the most crucial skill that modern men lack.
t.r.u.t.h.
A Dad – The big issue is all of the lies, because nobody from the mainstream is going to say that you are correct about any of this.
Again. We apparently have a society where “toxic masculinity” and “rape culture” run rampant. Yet it seems as though every time men make more concessions they just become that much more disposable, and women seem to just be that much more pissed about their lives.
truth.
@ Ame
> actually … i don’t see cheating and abuse as class-specific. i think it’s just covered up easier in the middle class and up.
Cheating – no, this was about abuse (in violent forms). It seems to be widespread among low socio-economic classes, but not a middle-class thing (although sometimes it happens).
Here’s a good (although rather long and quite old – 1999) piece on the UK situation: https://www.city-journal.org/html/tough-love-11787.html
Sergey – i really do have to disagree with you though i do respect your opinion. i don’t see abuse, even violent abuse, as class-specific. different types might be more class-specific, but that doesn’t make one more or less bad or violent of palatable than another.
Men are passive victims?
Only the ball-less ones
@Sergey: “He beats me, yes, but at least with him, I KNOW what I can and can’t do”.
Says he to she: “you can do anything you want to do. Now you know what you can and cannot do. And isn’t it wonderful that I don’t have to beat you for you to know that. Just pay attention to what I said.” She should be thrilled, right – because now the uncertainty is gone, and no more bruises and/or broken bones?
Question: does that scenario provide a sense of security for her, knowing where the boundaries are – non-existant, except for those she imposes on herself?
Does that create a problem for her – expecting herself to impose her own boundaries? If the answer is “yes”, then why? What is it about expecting her to self-regulate that creates problems for her?
Serious questions for the women readers. I’m curious to know the answer(s).
———–
For those who use the Bible as a standard: God told Eve that Adam would rule over her. Not lead her. Not rule her. Rule over her – as in, ruling over his kingdom, of which she is a part. He was to be a husband, a husbandman, doing husbandry things in the original meaning of the words (look up the old definitions of those words for specifics).
Was that “ruling over her” a response to Eve’s inability to self-regulate? Or a response to Eve’s unwillingness to self-regulate?
One can only hold another accountable for what they are able to do (it makes no sense to hold someone accountable for things they are incapable of doing). Does the Bible make a case that God is going to hold both men and women accountable? If “yes”, are they going to both be held accountable for the same thing (e.g., if you love me, keep my commandments. Does that apply only to men but not to women?)
Brighter minds than ours, many many of them, have struggled for centuries to answer these questions. And the fact that we are still asking them suggest that the answer has not be definitively given. Except for these three things.
* God told Eve that Adam would rule over her.
* God said that he created Eve to be a help for Adam. Adam would figure out what needed to be done, he would tell Eve what he needed, and she would do it. Adam giving direction to Eve; not Eve giving direction to Adam. I’m not describing a power play here; I’m identifying how we distinguish the helped from the helper – a distinction based on who defines what is needed (defines the boundaries of what is needed) and who provides what is needed.
* Jesus said: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” So – not all will be held accountable for the same level of performance. There will varying degrees of accountability.
For those who use the Bible as a standard, I think we need to realize that God knew there was a reason why those statements were made. Both men and women are at a disadvantage when these truths are not pointed out to them. Boldly.
Note: I have written elsewhere that God created Eve to be a help, proper and fitting, for Adam. Being a proper and fitting help requires a level of awareness and expertise and willingness to learn that far exceeds the levels possessed by a doormat. The expectations God had for Eve as a proper and fitting help for Adam are far greater than those he had/has for a doormat. Please read my comments above in that light.
@Ame
Just a general thought. Impulse control and the ability to carry the results of an action many steps out into the future (say, 12 steps rather than just 3) are two of the more major things that distinguish success from failure (ignoring the effect of inherited wealth).
Folks whose brain chemistry and wiring leave them with low impulse control and little ability to clearly think through a string of related cause/effect events are going to populate the group that is struggling in life. One cannot have great success in life without a brain whose chemistry and wiring leave them with good impulse control and the ability to clearly think through a string of related cause/effect events. So those types are going to populate the group that has met with considerable success.
Poor impulse control is a great contributer to domestic violence. It makes sense, then, that those populations with a greater concentration of folks with poor impulse control will also have a greater incidence of violence of all sorts, including domestic.
So – you disagree with Sergey, but I think he is more correct than not – for the reasons just presented.
Clarification: … the ability to carry the results of an action many steps out into the future [in your mind] …
@RichardP
> She should be thrilled, right – because now the uncertainty is gone
“Anything you want” is the worst form of uncertainty because most people have conflicting wants, like eat a tube of ice cream and lose a stone at the same time.
> If the answer is “yes”, then why? What is it about expecting her to self-regulate that creates problems for her?
It’s not about self-regulation (a remarkably hard task for both sexes, as your body controls your mind – and it should, otherwise you’ll keep doing stupid things that will kill you). It’s about facing the world: dangerous, chaotic and unpredictable.
As I mentioned, I think this relates to the fact that women get pregnant and care for the baby. Furthermore, most women in human history spent most of their lives (from puberty to death – and life expectancy was ~40 years) either pregnant or caring for an infant. It changed just three or four generations ago. My grand-grandmother had 13 children and died in labour in 1937s – only 80 years ago.
Now, most women are not very tough, to begin with. But pregnant women or women with infants are extremely vulnerable and are in need of constant protection. So they evolved to look for it, and expect it. Culture might have changed over the last century, but underlying biology is still there.
So, she wants the border between her and chaotic world; she’s not tough and strong enough to enforce this boundary all the time (unless she never gets pregnant – that’s why feminists see female reproductive function as The Problem of “female liberation”). So she expects a man next to her to do that; and, being anxious, she continually evaluates his ability to do so. And if he can’t maintain even his personal borders: being screwed over at work, cowardly avoiding a potentially harmful situation, running from problems, or even not being able to confront her, a physically weaker human being – she becomes even more anxious, and eventually dumps him. For who needs a weak man?
Now, there’s a massive variation within women. Comparing to men, they are higher in neuroticism, agreeableness and compassion, and lower in assertiveness. But some are incredibly disagreeable, very assertive and stress-reliant. If they also childless by choice, they might be much closer to men in behavioural patterns. Often, they are vocal feminists. Unfortunately, such women tend to project personal qualities to the rest of their kind, promoting things that good for them, but extremely damaging for the vast majority of women.
Richard – from my own personal experience with abuse from both my parents and my ex – my dad raised in a solid middle class family, and my mom in an UMC family, and my ex in a solid, pastoral, middle class family … and from my experience in my sexual abuse recovery group and recovery 12-step type groups … and those whose stories i’ve personally heard and read … i know and know of (too) many who were abused and very few of those could be classified as lower class and all were/are white.
i had a friend many years ago whose husband suddenly made tons of money, and they moved from a blue collar town to a high UMC community … and as she said, applying not only to drug access but to all forms of negative behavior, including abuse, “I know that moving here will not remove the influence of drugs on my kids, it will just expose them to more designer drugs.” she was, of course, correct. also, there was no shortage of abuse among her UMC neighbors.
my mom went to private boarding schools growing up, and there was no shortage of abuse there in the schools or the homes the kids came from.
it might be more visible in lower class environments, but i firmly believe it’s just as prevalent among all class structures.
btw – my dad was extremely successful, and so was my ex, and they were both able to selectively control their behavior, so i don’t buy that theory at all. my ex fil was a career pastor, and he was visibly two different people – one for the public, and another in private.
Ton,
I can’t let this pass.
“Men are passive victims?
Only the ball-less ones”
You have just managed to shame and insult every man who has come to this corner of the internet to find answers.
There should be no shame in not being able to control things that are beyond an individual’s control.
@Ame
I am sorry to hear that. My experience was completely different. I am very protective of my little daughter and will break the legs to any bastard who would try to harm her. I heard stories about parental abuse, but they just can’t fit in my mind – how? And why? Those are your children; they are the extension of you for Christ’s sake!
> You have just managed to shame and insult every man who has come to this corner of the internet to find answers.
You know, back in Russia we have a funny attitude to offence: “if you are offended, it is your problem”. Because if the attack were an outright lie, you wouldn’t be ashamed, only angered. And if it’s the truth – you should be ashamed. And if the guy is just messing with you – punch him back, or cut the communications.
Men supposed to be tough, aren’t we?
Besides, you can fix almost anything about yourself. That’s the most beautiful thing about being born a boy.
But maybe it’s just my personal traits speaking.
Abuse is a learned behavior, and its long-term impact is hard to break. I came from a family with a mother who physically would beat us with anything that she could find when she was angry. Belts, her hand, hell I remember her whipping me once or twice with a Hot Wheels track. Her mother was also abusive and ultimately was suicidal. My mother was an immensely unhappy woman, with alcohol abuse problems, and a history of sexual abuse, who went through a string of bad marriages before she found Christianity and married a good man. They have a great life together and she is a very different woman now. But it took her upwards of 40-50 YEARS to fix her problems
There was a time when it was socially acceptable to hit your children. I think that perhaps it was because people didn’t really understand how damaging it truly is. I’ve been proud that I’ve never resorted to hitting my own child, even once, and he’s extremely well behaved and a compassionate and good young man. But that learned behavior, of physical abuse, needs to be consciously deprogrammed in all of us.
And while abuse knows no class or race, there really is a massive problem with it from single mothers, especially in the black community, and it is just swept under the rug because it becomes a “race issue” if you dare discuss it. There was a caller on Freedomain who is a wealthy black man, married to a white woman. He commented on how the issue is so severe that the black community thinks it’s normal. His wife was mortified when attending an event with his family and his relatives were talking about how they beat their kids to keep them in line.
And even outside of the black community, child abuse from single mothers is underreported, and is believed by many to greatly exceed male on female violence. I would agree, because I’ve seen it in my own life, coming from poverty in a home with a mother who made a string of bad decisions after she played the victim card and kicked my father from their home when I was 2-3 years old.
Where it becomes a class issue is directly related wealth and marriage. Marriage is now an institution for the wealthy. Abuse does still exist there, but there also is a direct correlation between feminism, the removal of the father from the home, the welfare state, the fact that women are now married to the government to be free from “patriarchy”, and the general poor quality of life if the ever growing lower / lower middle class. The wealthy can fight with lawyers. The poor don’t have such a resource so they resort to physical means.
And even sexual abuse is contagious and learned behavior that needs to be stopped. The naughty lady teachers that we’ve talked about were no doubt abuse victims in their childhood. That doesn’t justify it, but it shows that the long-term psychological implications are far more serious than people make it out to be. That stuff gets swept under the rug by families because of the shame, and parents often do not get their children the much needed therapy to reverse the damage at a young age (especially if they are poor and cannot afford it). My own ex-wife was not mentally healthy and could not have a normal sexual relationship after having been raped by a family member until she was a teenager. You know what her abusive mother did? She called her a liar and then swept it under the rug.
Took me like 45 minutes to type on this stupid phone. 🙂
Fuzzie – Not an attack at you. I just agree with Sergey. You know the old saying… “Grow a pair of balls.”. That’s what Ton is saying to all of the guys out there, and he’s right.
I think that every man gains just about everything he needs in life by not giving shit about things that don’t matter. Bitching and whining is for the weak ANTIFA sissies and the white knights out there who “need feminism” because they don’t have the grit to make the world their own.
@ A Dad
FFS! Even at the worst times of depravity, and mass poverty, and criminality after USSR collapse; after losing the Cold War; after 70 years of totalitarian rule by crazy Communist sectants; after civil war, two World Wars, Red Terror, Gulags and a generation raised without fathers (six out of ten Russian men in 18-40 age cohort died between 1917 and 1953) – it was nowhere as bad as you depict. Maybe because of a family, whatever left of it under Bolsheviks, was the last refuge from the omnipresent State that Russians still had?
Russians have a deep mistrust toward the state. I guess this is a blessing for the 21-st century, that we received for all the suffering of the 20-st.
My parents rarely hit me – mostly mum, in occasional rage spikes. Dad forced me to do push-ups and crunches instead – a really helpful habit! And I can’t remember a single incident of adults being sexual towards other kids or me. The mere idea was unimaginable.
It was a bit harsher for my wife ( the primary disciplinarian was here tyrannical mother), but again – she never experienced sexualised attention from men while young.
Sergey,
Ton and I have a history. He has been saying provocative stuff for years to goad me. After a while, ignoring him just doesn’t work. Perhaps that he needs to to do this is proof of my superiority, but it gets beyond annoying.
A Dad,
No, I don’t think that Ton is human.
It’s becoming evident that abuse is often directly related to success later in life.
I have neighbors from a former Soviet satellite state. Not only is the husband more learned than most Americans (speaks like 5 languages), their family is also far more stable from an outside perspective. Devoutly Catholic, proud of their heritage, more American than most Americans today though. Old school values and hard working.
Americans now have a massive identity crisis, and I think that it’s deliberately an attempt to break down the system through feminism and gender / identity politics. Poison the foundations from the inside without any need for physical combat.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/11/08/unhappy-wives-unhappy-husbands/
I found this on Reddit. The woman advising this used to be an editor for Cosmo in Australia. To me, it is an admission that women have wrecked every venue and intimidated men into not approaching.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5058715/Tracey-Cox-reveals-meet-man-REAL-life.html
More thoughts from Dalrock on women delaying marriage.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2017/11/08/marriage-strike-paradox/
Any man who tries to fix his shit and improve his life isn’t a passive victim. Passive victim is your deal, it doesn’t describe the men who find the red pill and turn their life around
You degrade men by trying to drag all of us down to the Fuzzie level. . I tired to help you fuzzie but you would rather wallower in your own misery and frankly it’s way old and way boring
Ton,
All you do is insult and shame other people and then call it help. It really is bad when you insult people who aren’t even present but make a contribution. Tearing down others does not build you up. It just shows what you are made of.
A Dad – It’s becoming evident that abuse is often directly related to success later in life.
???
that doesn’t make sense to me.
abuse happens because there are sick people in the world – of every race and socioeconomic group.
Ame,
What I am saying is that the long-term impacts of abuse can be a component that limits one’s socioeconomic status in adult life. The implication is that parents who hit their children are essentially making them less likely to succeed in adulthood, whether it is in relationships, wealth, career, etc. Parents who use corporal punishment are actually impairing their child’s ability to succeed later in life.
A Dad –
Abuse is a learned behavior, and its long-term impact is hard to break.
idk if ALL abuse is learned, but certainly some is. there was a time i tried to defend my parents telling my therapist that they, too, were abused. he looked at me and said, “Ame, you were abused yet you do not abuse your children. It was a choice.” it’s somehow easier to believe they couldn’t help it than to believe they chose to do those things to me.
– – –
I came from a family with a mother who physically would beat us with anything that she could find when she was angry. Belts, her hand, hell I remember her whipping me once or twice with a Hot Wheels track. Her mother was also abusive and ultimately was suicidal. My mother was an immensely unhappy woman, with alcohol abuse problems, and a history of sexual abuse, who went through a string of bad marriages before she found Christianity and married a good man. They have a great life together and she is a very different woman now. But it took her upwards of 40-50 YEARS to fix her problems
wow. WOW. my parents found ‘christianity’ when i was nine. idk how much it made a difference in their lives; i guess it would depend on how real it was to them, and that i cannot answer … now can i confidently say they were better people after than before. that is truly wonderful and amazing that your mother is in a great place; her story is full of hope.
my mother did call me this past year and apologize. it was a powerful moment for me b/c she had previously denied ever doing anything to hurt me. but she finally admitted she did terrible things to me and apologized.
– – –
But that learned behavior, of physical abuse, needs to be consciously deprogrammed in all of us.
it’s a choice. you made the choice to end it. to stop it. good.for.you. GOOD.FOR.YOU. it’s worth everything you’ve ever had to do or will ever have to do to make that choice.
– – –
child abuse from single mothers is underreported, and is believed by many to greatly exceed male on female violence. I would agree, because I’ve seen it in my own life, coming from poverty in a home with a mother who made a string of bad decisions after she played the victim card and kicked my father from their home when I was 2-3 years old.
wow. i was a single mother for four years with a very high-need special needs daughter when my girls were little. four of the hardest years of my life. but abusing my kids and beating them wasn’t on my radar. but i found that single mothers often are told they need to take care of themselves almost to the point of not caring well for their children – like putting themselves on a pedestal.
i’m so very sorry you had to go through all that 😦
– – –
That stuff gets swept under the rug by families because of the shame, and parents often do not get their children the much needed therapy to reverse the damage at a young age (especially if they are poor and cannot afford it). My own ex-wife was not mentally healthy and could not have a normal sexual relationship after having been raped by a family member until she was a teenager. You know what her abusive mother did? She called her a liar and then swept it under the rug.
i’m so sorry to hear this about your ex. it is true that families deny it and cover it up – in all socioeconomic levels. it is very common for the other parent to support the abusive parent. when i emailed my parents and told them that i knew what they did, my mother responded by telling me i’d been brainwashed along with a list of other things i’d never heard of to alter one’s memory. ugh.
if your ex has never thoroughly dealt with that it’s no wonder she’s not functional. doesn’t make it right, but it explains it.
i knew from the time i was four i wanted to be a mom. i also knew, as a young adult, that i could not be a good mom without forgiving my mother first. it took me ten years to forgive my mother; hence the reason i did not have my first baby till i was 33 when i married at 21.
My own ex-wife was not mentally healthy and could not have a normal sexual relationship after having been raped by a family member until she was a teenager.
if she has not dealt with it and worked thru it, i pray she will. however, no one goes through the hell of doing so till living without getting help and working through it becomes worse than the work it will take to deal with it … b/c dealing with it is hell. hell.
your daughter is very blessed to have you for her Daddy 🙂
okay … that makes sense. i thought you were saying that there was a direct correlation between one being successful and then becoming an abuser.
however, you were talking about the long-term effects of being a victim of abuse.
I really admire when people who were abused consciously decide to break the cycle. Super admire that. Way to go!
.
RPG, speechless?
Invisible ink, I think.
She made her “point”
Horseman, LOL…um, yeah. I just noticed that. Classy and concise.
RPG,
Remember the incredible Ukrainian pole dancer that I have linked? I may have found a match for her.
Maybe western women SHOULD be encouraged to put off marriage as loooong as possible? Perhaps around 50 or so or after they have smacked solidly into the Wall at 100 mph.
Larry G,
They are almost there.
Larry
Yeah. Its perfect. Then we can eliminate the nasty patriarchial terms of “father” and “husband” from the PC newspeak language. The new term will be “spermdonor”.
Hehe. Gotta see exactly what level of man willingly marries a fifty year old for the first time. By fifty if you aint content in bachelourhood you aint a good example of adaptation. Really? Wait fifty years? Seriously?
Yeah cell phones are great and convenient but I’m waiting til 2027 for the Iphone XXIV to get my first.
Horseman,
Nooooooo….The whole concept of the “single independent woman” to me is completely hilarious….what they think and say is totally irrelevant; but if a female decides to postpone becoming a worthy Mrs. then more power to them! Lots of stray cats need adopting..the cats and SIW can share the cat food..
“Gotta see exactly what level of man willingly marries a fifty year old for the first time. By fifty if you aint content in bachelourhood you aint a good example of adaptation. Really? Wait fifty years? Seriously?”
Um, I sorta went against the tide….married my Non-American pretty lady when she had JUST turned 23, N count of zero and living under her father’s roof. No boy friend, hell…NO dating allowed in fact. So I still get a giggle out of reading about the so-called modern western females…
You might be surprised. There are some really desperate guys out there. Really desperate ladies too, but a lot of desperate guys.
As I mentioned previously, I know a few women who are around 40+ who have never married and I can tell that they are anxious to finally lock down a guy. I think that one is close to 50. It’s wacky to me that they finally want that at this stage of their lives, but what do I know?
Count me out. Not interested. Not only are they too old for me but I’ve got no attraction to date either of them. They are in really good physical shape for their ages, possibly because they’ve never had children, but their looks have declined.
I think that both have some money / assets, and one has voiced some paranoia about marrying because of the risk of divorce and losing a lot of real estate, but the desire to marry still seems strong. I don’t get it.
A new post at Spawny’s there is
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/11/10/strangling-their-chances/
I get the 50 year old women wanting marriage.
But ANY guy wanting to marry a fifty year old spinster? Imagine the baggage.
I would take a 30 year old fugly 4 before a fifty year old 9. At least she would be greatful and able to produce heirs (or twenty years of 2nd income).
To be a woman is to worry. When the 40+ year old chick wants to lock down a man, she wants to put some of her “what will happen to me when I get old” worry to rest.
Nothing magical in that. It’s how they are programmed. No different then 30 year old girls with babies rabies
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