I know women have been told for decades that looks don’t matter, or that caring about looking good is shallow and playing into the patriarchal system, but while a lot of women wish it were true, the red pill reality is it isn’t.
Now that’s not to say looks are ALL that matters, but initially they matter a lot. Not only in romance but also at work and play.
Humans just are visual creatures and there’s a reason for the expression, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
The good news is female appearance is highly controllable. With attention to make up, hair, clothing, and weight any woman can improve upon her natural strengths and sometimes very signicantly so.
Now, a word on weight in a “don’t fat shame” or “big is beautiful” world, again the reality is women (and men!) look best at their ideal body weight. Even 20 pounds can make a big difference in attractiveness, and more than that significantly so.
Also, these things don’t go away over time, so once a gal is in a relationship it’s no time to slack off. Not that you can’t have the occasional bad day but too many women I know stop caring altogether, then wonder why their guy isn’t as attentive as he used to be.
Losing weight isn’t easy, and should be done healthfully, but it is possible. And it’s one of the most effective areas to focus on to improve your attractiveness if you aren’t at your ideal weight already.
I agree, judging someone by their looks alone is shallow. And I have known some very attractive people who were terribly ugly inside. But in general, looks matter.
Of course after the initial impression, other things like attitude, personality, and integrity also matter, so focusing on the whole is important, too.
For years I bought into the “you won’t be taken seriously if you are good looking” myth and actually downplayed my appearance thinking that way I would put my intelligence and personality first. Once I realized it was actually fun to look good and that I felt better when I did, I started enjoying the challenge rather than begrudging it.
Not that I am perfect by any means, or that I to this day am one of those gals who is flawlessly put together at all times, but it’s on my radar and it should be on yours too if you want to experience positive improvement in many areas of your life.
Interestingly it’s usually other women who bash attractive gals, or claim looks don’t matter, not men. Why is that? Maybe it’s because other women secretly know looks matter too, and they hope to get an edge by getting others to not?
Anyway, just for fun try it. Spend a week making sure you look your best and see how people in your daily life respond.
There’s rwally no downside (except maybe the occasional catty glare) and chances are sound so will pay off in lots of good and unexpected ways.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
“What if rather than reject or judge those stuck or even temporarily stuck in anger/hatred, we instead felt empathy for them or even better yet prayed for them?
Not to sound like a liberal”
You’re right, God wants what’s best for them, so we should be praying for that. We can pray a lot without personally interacting with them, though! Because IMHO it doesn’t sound very wise. Not that I think all these men would be actually dangerous, but interacting with them would be at the very least frustrating and maybe infuriating, for them and for us.
Not that I ever actually meant to but I am super sure I have fallen way short of perfect and so I can’t judge anyone else. I can only show Grace and empathy for others if I hope the same for myself.
Not to be confused w open borders and not having any boundaries or being self loathing or whatever… Not saying that. Just saying God is the one we all will answer to whether we realize it or not, so that’s the BIG picture. All else is the journey realizing that or not I guess?
Any who feel righteous should examine themselves as pride comes before a fall. Nobody can judge another… Only God can judge.
We all will stand before
I understand what you’re saying. You’re right, praying for people in such a situation is a very good thing to do.
There’s the son of a friend who is doing some very bad things right now. I pray for him because I know how much his mother is suffering from worry. But, there’s no way I’m going to be anywhere near the son. He’s big trouble. I don’t need that trouble in my life. So, I will (and should!) pray for him.
That’s the way I feel about anyone who feels a lot of anger or hatreds towards women. There’s no reason to be around them. I’m not responsible for their anger, so I don’t need to ask for forgiveness or atone for anything. (Because I didn’t do anything to them, though they may act like I did.)
Some of them derive some sort of satisfaction at “lashing out” at women (verbally mostly). Maybe they enjoy seeing the shocked reaction. If that’s the case, they can lash out at some other woman. Preferably, they’ll find no woman willing to stick around for that. All I know is that I’m not going to be around. God wants us to pray for others, but not put ourselves in such useless and pointless situations, that does no good for anyone.
“hatreds”? Where did that come from? “hatred”! LOL.
@A Dad
> Ironic since there was such a widespread Red Scare fear of Communism in the last half of the century.
The interaction between the US and the USSR is usually seen by Americans and Russians alike through the lenses of the Cold War. Some might remember the Land Lease and the war cooperation, but that’s it.
But it was much more nuanced, especially pre-WW2, and before the world became aware of Holodomor, Gulags, Red Terror and social catastrophe that Soviets brought.
Initially, American State Dept was fascinated by the revolution. For them, it was another country that decided to throw off the shackles of monarchy and adopt the direct rule by people. You can see this from the ambassadors’ early letters; they are quite detailed. They saw a fellow popular revolt and thought that USSR would join the US to be a pinnacle of social progress, just like the US did before, and France did first. Which is was, it just happens that “social progress” itself is a weird set of ideas from 18th century English and French utopists.
The American economic help to the new Soviet regime was immense. Again, it’s muted in both countries due to obvious political reasons, but a good deal of Soviet industrial complex was built in the late 1920s – early 1930s by American engineers, with American capital. Both countries shared an enemy of The Great Britain and considered themselves if not allies than co-minded societies. (While we on it – Osama Bin Laden was on American payroll during Soviet-Afgan war, “to keep the Reds at bay” – they never learn).
Furthermore, there’s theory, that modern state of Europe, that now in avantgarde of social progress, is a direct consequence of Pax Americana rebuilding the ruins of Europe in its desirable image. Modern Germany, with its dismal fertility rate, and the UK with its rabid feminists might be State Department’s versions of “what we might do with America if not for those conservative bastards.” They might be American experiments in social progressivism.
Think of it for a moment. First American settlers were Protestant religious zealots, running away from prosecution to the promised land. They were building the Christ’s Kingdom on earth (with some impressive results). They were messianic, and they – many of you – still are. So spread the gospel! Even if the gospels’ new name is “democracy” and you have to spread it with strategic bombers. That’s what Soviet deist theocracy did anyway.
It might not be that “tight turned”, and the USSR and the US swapped their places. Instead, it might be that the tide itself started in the US, and the USSR was a brief aberration that just happened to move in the same direction the US was already going (and for some time even overtook it).
It might be no wonder. You start with the idea of civil equality; you end up with today’s Dems electorate. It might be a part of your national DNA. In which case – my condolences.
After reading this thread, it doesn’t seem as if many women are prepared to step into the role of wife and mother. What is immediately noticeable as missing is the willingness to be part of a team. That is kind of basic.
Interesting post RPG. I too have sometimes downplayed my appearance in the past. Though I never thought looks wouldn’t matter. When I was a bit younger I was scared that if I would use make up and do my hair then my truly natural look would be a disappointment. A silly idea but that is how I was thinking.
Alie
Next time the guy comes up tell him ” I am currently auditioning candidates for husband and am not excepting new applications.
Don’t waste time on me look for another candidate for the role of wife. “Then smile and get back to work everytime he comes on to you repeat and then stop responding to him.
“After reading this thread, it doesn’t seem as if many women are prepared to step into the role of wife and mother. What is immediately noticeable as missing is the willingness to be part of a team. That is kind of basic.”
There are very, very few young women who are ready for the role of wife. They don’t know what that entails, and no one is telling them what being a wife means in the traditional sense. Instead, females are taught that they are just as competent at male tasks as men are, and the educational system actively pushes them to prepare for that. You would be amazed at how many young women with excellent wife potential, are instead working at their “awesome” office job 50+ hours per week. They also blather on about their bland boyfriends that they aren’t really attracted to and who they don’t really want to marry anyway. Guess where they met? The office, of course. Because between their “awesome” job, their commute, and their pets, they don’t have time to look anywhere else.
They’re also taught to be part of a team, only they are to be the leader of that team. Being a team also means that hubby is going to be doing his share of the housework, even though research shows that it kills attraction.
The model they should be looking for is Captain-First Mate, where they submit to the man’s leadership. Instead, they are taught the Captain-Co Captain model, where everyone’s equal and they fight for control of “the relationship”. (God, I hate that word. Being “in a relationship” is meaningless. You’re either married or you’re not.)
As some sports guy once said: if you have 2 quarterbacks on your team, you don’t have one.
Any particular woman man have not caused any of this bullshit but what has that particular woman done to end the bullshit? How many letters to editors calling for an end to life time alimony, vague sexual harassment policies, serect tribunals on college that ruin young men for sport, the Deluth model etc etc?
Men are about deeds above words; with women saying they didn’t cuase any of this its usually their words vs their deeds. Or lack there of
Lashing out at women often equals nothing more then holding them accountable
True RJ, I know I certainly didn’t get any advice on being a wife before I married. Instead it was kind of like, well you get married and then you are a wife? In fact my mom always had a very negative/feminist view of marriage, and focused more about what I was “losing” (freedom, independence, etc.) than on what was expected. Not good.
My mom also took a similar “you are ruining your life” approach to my becoming a mother, too. Again focusing on what I was “losing” rather than painting it as a gain or privilege. Considering how selfish my mom is, I am surprised I didn’t turn out much worse!
What a sad way for her to think!
I have been watching the first season of The Apprentice and it’s very interesting to see Donald back then. He really calls people out for doing dirty biz, has zero tolerance or respect for it. He also calls people out for not standing up to others. And he encourages people to be loyal, have good character, do things right and well. He repeatedly speaks about how wonderful his parents were and how important he believes his role as a mentor to his children is. It impressed me. I’d love to have a parent or boss like that! I plan to be a parent and boss like that!
RPG,
Your mother is not the only one to dispense advice like that. It must have taken a while to overcome it.
@ fuzzie I don’t know how I knew it but I always felt she was wrong about that. And that I didn’t want to view marriage or mothering like that. But that’s not to say having a mom w those attitudes wasn’t hard, and really even today it’s still hard. In many ways I may as well have no parents. She’s completely self absorbed. she’s the last person I would ask for advice or call if I needed something. She always refuses. I don’t get it but it is what it is. It sucks.
Even worse Fuzzie, she does what she can to prevent anyone else from being there for me. Like I have an uncle, married to my moms twin, who tries to help but then my mom gets so jealous and causes such a fuss we both just give up. It has to alwAys, always be about her. It’s truly sad. But then I know people w even worse parents, so…. All I can control is myself and to do and be different. rather than let it destroy me I make lemonade. Or as Dancer says about herself, and her mom makes mine look like a saint, “I take lemons and make chocolate cake and leave them all wondering how the heck I did it!” Lol. She’s spunky that one. I admire her ever positive attitude!
RPG – That’s pretty rough stuff. I always get the impression that my ex’s mother poisoned her a bit too. Even if she didn’t directly encourage her to divorce, she seemed to be a big proponent of similar things after having several kids of her own. She was resentful in many ways of being a mother, and she didn’t seem to do anything at all to try to encourage her daughter to avoid making the same choices to walk out. And as I mentioned a few threads back, she also called her a “liar” when she told her that she was sexually abused, rather than actually getting her the help that she needed.
Women *should* pursue their educational interests, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be a mother, for the same reasons that a man can have a career and be a father. I have observed though that more educated women possibly make better wives (provided that their husband is capable as at least an equal provider). There seems to be this weird gap. Lesser educated women tend to desire being a wife/mother above all, but often piss it away when they’ve got it (lack of motivation?) and rely on the feminist crutch to remain weak (alimony, state support, etc.). More educated women that tend to choose motherhood seem to have a deeper appreciation for it after they’ve already had to deal with a decade of a college / work grind. I’m not saying that being a wife and mother isn’t hard, but they seem to develop a different skillset and appreciation for some of those things after experiencing a bit of what their husband may go through.
However, by that same token, a women who becomes the main provider for the family typically never seems to respect her husband. I know a family like this and the wife seems to treat her husband like trash for being a SaHD, even though she got exactly what she wanted (a child) post-wall and second marriage. She’s so convinced that she did it all on her own but really she just lucked out with cash and prizes after the first divorce and is now looking to get rid of the next guy now that they’ve got the kid in grade school. There are some guys around here, like Roman, who have had better experiences as a SaHD, but I don’t think it’s typical. He must have a great wife.
And it may sound a bit too traditional, but I still believe that children should never go to day care if at all possible. That may mean that a parent stays home. Some might not like this idea. Everyone’s situation is different. But the only reason that we now have this two-income requirement for most families is because people have made it the social norm, and lots of people also continue to live beyond their means, more workplace competition between men and women, etc.
I can’t understand the “ruining your life” thing though because I love being a dad (hence the name) so can’t really understand why other people don’t feel the same way.
I have my days when I’m grumpy or I have too much work to do to be a fun dad, but I try to make it up the next day. It feels both good and bad when he says: “You are the best dad in the world!” because I love my boy, but at the same time I feel sometimes guilty for my own imperfections and that maybe he will see that I’m not actually perfect.
A dad Dancers mom didn’t believe her or protect her either and Dancer said that was harder on her than the abuse itself. 😦
Dancer is one of three girls, her two sisters basically became their mom while she did the opposite. I don’t know how some pull out and others don’t. It was never a question in my mind to NOT be the same.
RPG,
My only suggestion is that you work with your Mom’s strengths and avoid her weaknesses. She is not going to be around forever. You are probably already doing this.
It is good to hear about Dancer.
@ fuzzie backing up a few comments, rather than a willingness I’d even say it’s an awareness at all that it’s about being a team. That’s the thing, being a team isnt even promoted as a choice vs being competitors or ad eateries under the guise of “equality.” It’s the blue pill lie sold to women.
RPG,
Being a part of a team is a concept so basic, it should not have to be stated. Boiled down, men have to ask if marriage can enhance their lives and can their wives prove to be an asset. While women can ask this and go forward with a positive response, Men son’t seem to be doing this. I think that a positive response from both parties would define a good deal.
Love,
“Thank you Larry. I’m sorry to hear about their pain. It makes me very sad. But I know I didn’t cause it and neither did the women around me. Yet we seem to be punished for the actions of others. So where do we go from here?”
Sorry about the delay replying, I had some business to take care of. The question you asked I have no answer for; “So where do we go from here?” My own opinion is there is no place left to go; something along the line of the Titanic after colliding with the iceberg, the only place to go is down.
“Yet we seem to be punished for the actions of others.” Collective punishment? How are you personally being punished for other women’s actions? Please give me some solid examples of how innocent women are being harmed. Seriously, I do not beleve that. Here in western society, women have more priveledge, protection and favor of the law, liberty to behave as feral animals if they so wish than any other class of people in the world.
You have discovered sections of the internet where men can voice their ideas, offer support to one another, and yes say things that offend…..This harms you in what way?
Love, Larry G makes some good points. These men expressing anger on the Internet doesn’t really hurt us, not really.
There are some theories and opinions I have about it.
The first is, they don’t mean women like us, so we should realize that they don’t literally mean us and not get upset and take it personally. They’re blowing off steam, so they should do it uninterrupted.
The second theory is, they don’t care if women like us (who aren’t part of the problem) are hurt or upset. In fact, some may enjoy the reaction and attention they get and in fact, anticipate it. If that’s the case, that’s even more reason to not become upset or react.
If they want to express anger, they can do that. Many may not want a female audience to feel shock, to be hurt, to argue, but if there are those who do? Don’t be that audience. Skim by what they write. It’s not meant for you, even if some wish you’d read it.
Or it could be that the women who aren’t like that sound and act like the women who are like that
LOL!!!