One of the early lessons I learned from the manosphere was about solipsism, and how the female mind just naturally views things personally.

I was repeatedly reminded during some of the more raw red pill discussions that, “It isn’t about you.”  And it really wasn’t, I eventually realized.

But at first it was hard for me to not take general discussions personally or to simply open my mind to what was being discussed rather than viewing it thru my own personal experience.

One time in particular the discussion about how single moms were perceived in the dating and marriage marketplace. I took all that really personally, and fought tooth and nail trying to defend single moms and myself in particular. I wasn’t listening, although in time I came to realize that while I didn’t like the idea, either as a child of a widowed mom or as a then single mom myself, that it really is true that dating or remarrying is different for a woman with children than without. It simply is.

Once I got past the personal, I was able to objectively take that information and implement strategies and behaviors that helped me put myself into the shoes of a potential mate, and then navigate my approach to the dating and marriage market differently than most single moms.

That is just one example of many. And even to this day I have to consciously step back and view heated or sensitive discussions from an almost third person perspective rather than from my own.

Even as I write this, I notice how often I am using the words, “I, me, mine…” See how easy it is?

Being able to put oneself aside and to really seek to understand first rather than be understood is a very good and valuable skill to develop.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Advertisements