If like me you were raised to fit the feminist mold, you may have been discouraged from acting in ways that were too “traditionally feminine.” I know I was, and to this day I still struggle to put back the pieces of that part of my identity.
I was told that it was better to be strong, independent, and “more like a man” than to act like a woman. How ironic that feminism taught females that being a woman was somehow lesser than being a man!
I was taught that if I acted “too much” like a female I would be oppressed, victimized, harassed, and not taken seriously. And of course I didn’t want that to happen!
So I avoided acting or dressing “too feminine,” opting for loose-fitting or androgynous clothing instead. I did wear make up and style my hair modestly, but was careful not to try to look “too pretty” so that it didn’t overshadow or detract from my intelligence or personality. In fact I very much downplayed my looks.
I took shop class instead of home economics. I avoided learning “traditional feminine skills.” I was told by teachers to avoid typing class, for instance, because if I knew how to type, I would always be, “just a secretary.” I did all sorts of things trying to learn how to win in a “man’s world” and shedding my womanly nature somehow seemed to be key in that.
A movie that I remember from childhood that captures the zeitgeist of that time was “Nine to Five.” I forget the entire plot line but in it three female characters struggle to be taken seriously in the work world. All are taken advantage of in one way or another by their male boss, but perhaps most of all was Dolly Parton’s character, the feminine, big busted, big hearted blonde who was regulated to secretarial roles where she was mostly lustfully eyeballed by her male collegues and anything she had to add or contribute was automatically dismissed because of how she looked.
Of course I didn’t want to end up like that!
Fast forward several decades and I have now come to realize that these beliefs, perhaps however well intended, ended up causing me to view the world as a dangerous, sexist place, where I would never truly be taken seriously, would have to fight for everything twice as hard as a man, would likely be taken advantage of, and treated unfairly. And why wouldn’t I believe it? Everyone told me it was so!
What a negative and suspicious lens to view the world through! I imagined boogymen who didn’t exist, barriers that weren’t there, often misread situations. In retrospect, thinking that all men were out to thwart me, or worse harm me, was a really bad space to approach life from.
So I have been working hard since realizing all this to embrace womanhood. To be ok with being born an XX. To not view it as a negative, or some kind of lifelong handicap.
And just when I think I have overcome, made peace with it all, something will happen or a situation will arise and I will realize just how deeply embedded that programming is. It still is lurking there, urging me to not be OK with who I am. Whispering that if I dare, I will pay, and that bad things will happen, opportunities will be missed.
I hope young women today aren’t being raised to reject themselves as I was, a child in the 70s and 80s. Because there’s nothing wrong with being female. With being a woman. With being feminine.
And anyone who is telling girls or women that is the actual sexist, the true woman hater, the real misogynist.
I hope that someday I can truly embrace all this to the core of my soul. In the meantime I do my best to remind myself daily and often that there’s nothing wrong with me just being me, no matter what anyone says. I am equal, and I always have been.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
(p.s. In a similar way, men of my generation and since were raised that being a male or masculine was somehow “wrong,” too. Ironic, isn’t it? While women were being raised to be “more like boys” boys were being raised to be “more like girls.” How nutty is that?!?!?)
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
They’re still doing it, especially to men. Apparently it’s OK for you to identify as one of like 60+ genders as long as you aren’t biologically a man that identifies only as a man. And in Canada, under bill C-16, it’s now hate-crime if you are deemed oppressive by not identifying someone by their gender identity.
Fun times for “human rights”. What can we all be jailed for next?
If it’s not obvious, people just keep getting more and more angry, divisive, and confused the more we get Marxist propaganda and “identity politics” shoved down our throats.
The irony is that the feminist initiative is going to destroy its own, because even these factions tend to be divisive and hateful towards one another. They just don’t make it as obvious as their hate for traditional women and men.
Men like women who act like women they do
So true. In another expression of this just yesterday I was reading about a guy interviewed in the NYT who was part of a pro white group. (And admittedly I don’t know much at all about this guy or what he believes, but if it’s simply something like being white is as ok as being of any other heritage, well that doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. None of us pick our heritage! We are born what we are born, why not be ok with it?) The article pretty much paints him with the Nazi brush, while at the same time trying to ask, “how could a person ever go there?” and yet the readership still came unglued over the fact that he wasn’t vilified enough! Or that they told his story at all. Meanwhile all missed the point that as a white male, he now represents the ONLY group that it’s perfectly acceptable and even legal to discriminate against, and maybe he was reacting to that anti-male, anti-white message?
How can society expect men not to push back against the message that, “All men are bad and evil!”???? If the same was said about women, of course women would be up in arms!
Women are not bad. Men are not bad. Why does there have to be a “bad” in a supposed equality movement?
Or what I mean is maybe the identity politics themselves are to blame for “how do people even go there?”
The worst part about feminism was demonizing SAHM. Raising children is not something to be looked down upon or considered a lesser role.
While feminists were all too busy on trying to make women like men…they were also putting down the one thing women can do that a man can’t…be a mother.
So true Earl. I see so many SAHM really struggle unnecessarily bc of all the anti-SAHM messages about “you’re wasting your life” or “you’re “only” a mom” or “your husband controls everything, how can you stand it?” Or the many other kinds of negative framing surrounding being a SAHM. I know I had been raised to not even consider it as an option or I was STUPID. Sad! And what happened? While I worked from home after having a child I still felt like I “couldn’t NOT work.” One day I realized I wouldn’t even know how to be a SAHM. I have no frame of reference. I have missed so much of my kids childhoods, and put lots of stress on myself by trying to do both, and created a situation where I can’t just stop working (I have a lot invested in my biz so would have to either lose it all or sell it all to stop now.) and ironically what does my mom, who pushed the whole “you HAVE to work, never be “just” a mom” thing on me say? She shames me for not spending enough time w my kids!!! I am not kidding! The irony…
The discouragement of traditional feminine behavior seems to be more about female competition than anything else. That is, to say, that a woman who is feminine is desirable by “toxic” masculine men. Feminists do not like competition for men, but would prefer to control them. If they cannot control the men directly, they compete for his resources through state control.
It’s not impossible for a woman to do the whole single mom thing on her own, but how realistic is it really for the well-being of children? I’ve got no problems with women in the workplace, doing any of the same jobs as a men. However, I’m a big supporter of the nuclear family where at least one person stays with the kids. Simply, nobody should deliberately try to put children into that position. I get that it happens. You’re divorced. I’m divorced. Lots of people seem to be divorced now, sometimes for stupid reasons. I’m fortunate that my son went through some of the most formative years with two parents and still has two parents that love him and have equal time in spite of the problems, but I digress.
A typical woman will not pick the same types of work as men, STEM, construction, law enforcement, firefighting, plumbing, etc. There are good reasons why these jobs pay far more than the typical zero-qualification “makework” government office job (Thanks Deti for that one) and now even most everyone unanimously agrees that the typical college education is worthless for all but very specific jobs.
Feminists have the ability to find a man to have sex with, but not necessarily find a provider. Many of them have children out of wedlock (numbers keep increasing) and seek govt assistance for support. It’s just simply not reasonable that any woman can support a family on her $20k per year part-time government office job.
Feminism is about letting women have their cake and eat it too. Choose to have kids? Choose to work? Choose to do it without a man? Maybe with a man? Don’t worry. The whole thing will be financed by someone.
So now even low quality and unattractive women that can’t compete in the sexual marketplace can still get pregnant and supported by law. It’s about equal opportunity even for less desirable women.
That’s really what it’s all about. It’s about having all of the perks of marriage without the marriage. It’s about having a partner or provider without having to provide anything in return. This is why they want you to be plain and “equal”. It’s not to make you “equal” with a man, but to make you “equal” with lesser-quality women.
By the way. Most men value a feminine woman that wants to be a partner for raising a family above all else. Again, it doesn’t have to be that the man goes to work, but that’s just the way that normally works the best for a number of reasons (breastfeeding, higher-paying careers). There are always exceptions.
I have been pretty harsh in the past about my ex-wife as a SAHM. She was really a great one early on. It was only after she checked out that it became a problem. It’s still a job. There is no reason that the person who works (male or female) should come home and pull all of the rest of the weight around the house unless they are the only person living there. Feminists say that housework is oppressive but someone damn well needs to do it. Being a SAHM / SAHD isn’t a free ride once the kids are off to school.
I used to work in a hospital where everyone wore scrubs. Even when they didn’t have to (outside of sterile patient areas). I hated it because I felt so unfeminine and unkempt. Like wearing pajamas to work. Then one day, a beautiful temp secretary walked in. She was like a breath of fresh air. Platinum blonde hair, red form fitting dress, red lipstick, and red heels. I wanted to stand and applaud. She changed the atmosphere of our drab depressing work environment. She was funny, soft spoken, and nice. And every day she came to work wearing lovely dresses, showing what a difference an extra 30 minutes can make to your appearance. I could sense most women were uncomfortable with her. The men were mostly in love with her. Too bad she was the odd entity in our world. I often wondered why more women couldn’t be like her. Why was an androgynous environment the only type of ‘acceptable work environment’?
Interesting Dad, I had not considered that might be the agenda. I think you are onto something there.
I was pretty successful at the career thing, earning $65k+ annually working part time and from home. So there was a lot of pressure not to give that up. But at the same time doing that took a lot of energy and I basically worked double time to work half time so I was seriously burned out and I am sure being a foot in both worlds was bad for my marriage. I expected to work, my husband expected me to work. But nobody was doing the wife role then, nobody was keeping our home or nurturing our family. That’s something women like my babysitter do (rather than do it resentfully) and I saw how that really works! And then of course as a single mom I had to work too, except then I truly was doing it all, the stress and pressure were crippling, affecting my performance both at work and as a mom. It’s like a self created prison! But until I met my babysitter, I didn’t even realize there was another option. And she was very happy, very unstressed, very ok w everything. I remembered thinking she had it more figured out at 20 than I did twice her age! I still don’t really see a way out for me either, besides sell everything. Of course if I did that I’d walk w a half mil, so there’s that, but I dunno… I guess I am lucky in many ways but at the same time I bear huge responsibility too. And it’s come at big sacrifice.
Ironically in many people’s eyes, in real life, if they don’t know me really well, I am a “feminist success story!” I suppose it looks good from the street but I assure anyone, it comes at a price!
The last time my mom was on me about, “it’s all about your work! (As she raised me.) You need to put your kids first!” (As she raised me not to.) I said, “You’re right, I should sell everything and move w my guy and be a SAHM! Great idea!” She about flipped… Lol. But actually….
@ love what became of the pretty secretary? Was she married? Single? I imagine her now married to a Dr! Lol.
She was married with 5 kids! Unfortunately she worked for a temp company. They filled her position with a full time female who fit right in our androgynous world.
RPG – It’s just like you just suggested. Working at least a full-time job to support your family makes it extremely difficult if not impossible for some to also effectively take care of the home and the kiddos. I know how it goes. There was a time where I was working home daily, but from 6 AM to 10 PM, and making dinner for my kid and helping him with homework EVERY DAY when his mom was MIA and on the way out the door. Fortunately that schedule is not the norm, but was a more extreme circumstance.
The feminist Marxist concept is absolutely only about putting everyone on the exact same social standards because many women still want to have children but want to take the easiest path to raise and support them so many of them are married now to the State.
The problem is that it doesn’t seem to work out very well at all. Women are trying to have it all but it’s such an epic failure that female depression is at an all-time high, more than 1 in 4 women takes metal health meds, and for the first time ever male life satisfaction is finally above women’s.
Forcing other women to live by the same standards gives them the same selection and equal access to all of the same resources that they would not naturally be able to obtain.
RPG – Do you think that your mother was just following the popular trend of the time? Did she also tend to dress down, or do you think that she was just giving you bad advice as a form of protection? Or perhaps even to control you? Did she also have a decent career or did she raise you as a SAHM?
Her comments aren’t completely uncommon. My ex’s mother was like that and now my ex claims to be a “feminist” but I’m doubtful that she knows what that means today.
One thing that I’ve observed about feminists is that they tend to become less radical or even become anti-feminist later in life, so perhaps that’s why she gave you contradictory comments more recently. I think that my own mother was a bit of a feminist when she was younger, but is now perhaps the most anti-feminist and politically conservative woman that I know, but she’s also married to a good man so she realizes that much of it is just propaganda. People who identify as “feminist” today are largely unhappy people (men and women).
@a dad probably a bit of all of the above. my mom graduated in the mid 60s. She didn’t work until my father died (I was 2, my brother 4). She didn’t have an education or skills and so trained as a hairdresser and did that as her career. Long days and standing. Then solo parenting. It was very hard I am sure. Her oldest sister went to college, was a teacher, married to a a white collar college grad, chose not to have kids. I think my mom envied how easy her sisters life seemed compared to her own. So I think that plus she was just doing what was supposed to be “better” at the time. I don’t think she understood there are always trade offs. And I think her mind she was saving me from ever being in the position of having no education and no skills if needed. My mom really didn’t want me to have kids, again maybe like her sister? Free! Free to travel and have white carpet and disposable time and income. But my mom is also complex too, I think some of her recent change of heart is more just being critical/difficult than she’s seen the light. It would take me forever to explain but basically no matter what she’d criticize it and say I should do the opposite. If I actually stopped working, sold it all, became a SAHM she’d be right back to that being a waste of my potential yada yada. So I don’t really take it serious but it’s annoying. I wouldn’t say she’s had a true awakening bc she still says stuff like she’d rather be alone than have to be beholden to a man, etc. she views relationships as detrimental to women. Doesn’t seem to believe there are good decent men out there who could be good partners. So still spouts much of the jaded feminist SIW party line.
My mom also advised me to not have children bc they would “ruin” my life. Etc. She viewed it all, marriage and motherhood, as a burden and oppressive. These are all subtle messages of feminism actually. To see my babysitter view it all so completely opposite than my mom and really most of society was an eye opener! To see marriage and motherhood so positively, naturally, and joyously was incredible, and I saw truth in it, and how hollow the “put yourself first” mantra truly was.
@ love wow 5 kids and still putting on the red dress — good for her! 🙂
‘My mom also advised me to not have children bc they would “ruin” my life. ‘
I bet that made you feel good.
I’m sure she was very blind to the fact you could have taken that as you ruined her life since you are her child.
But saying things like that doesn’t surprise me…hating motherhood I think is number one on the feminist’s list.
Men can’t help but prefer feminine women. That feminism is trying to force changes in the sexual marketplace and distort it beyond reason is something they have attempted for decades. The better theory is that this is in support of women on the left side of the bell curve.
“My mom also advised me to not have children bc they would “ruin” my life. Etc. She viewed it all, marriage and motherhood, as a burden and oppressive. ”
That is so sad, Bloom. How horrible.
My mom did push me to get my degree, did protest my marriage and made my dad not attend the wedding… but these days she constantly tells me that I’m doing what she should have done (staying home with my kids is what she means).
Sure we got married young, sure we’ve “grown up” together. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Oh and she came back into our life like 2 months after the wedding lol…. ridiculous. I always had a great relationship with both of them though, so it was easy to forgive.
And speaking of women being raised to not embrace their womanhood… it is so prevalent now it’s tragic 😦 the affects on marriages and children are tragic.
I have a friend in real life (our sons our “best friends” so cute!) whose husband was cheating on her this Summer. She found out and wanted to end the marriage, but I’ve been talking to her and taking her through that book I posted about here:
http://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2017/11/13/is-there-hope-for-the-hopeless/
It’s been working!!!!!!! I knew he was a good man when I met him a few times. I could just tell. And she admitted that she was being **horrible** to him and was very ashamed of her behavior. Now he’s back living with her, dropped the other woman and her boys (they have 3 young ones!), are getting to see their dad.
It’s exciting helping someone save their marriage. He is a good man, he just got really run down through the years of her berating him and cold shouldering him and not giving him ANY sex or affection hardly.
RPG – “My mom also advised me to not have children bc they would “ruin” my life. Etc. She viewed it all, marriage and motherhood, as a burden and oppressive.”
Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, that’s for sure. Not everyone will get the enjoyment out of it that others have. I didn’t originally want to be a father, but found it to be the most rewarding thing of my life. A lot of it has to do with how we are programmed, raised, and conditioned by society. It’s possible that my experience as a child lead me to not want to pass that on to someone else. Fortunately, I’ve managed not to, beyond the divorce.
To a feminist, it’s really only about perpetual unhappiness. Don’t make enough money? It must be the fault of someone else. Don’t like the way you look? Someone else is at fault. Don’t have a good man in your life? It’s because the patriarchy teaches all men to be terrible to women. They want everyone to be on their same miserable level, and if you disagree you must be a misogynist or oppressed with Stockholm syndrome because they cannot imagine an outcome that was different than their own. They can’t imagine a loving spouse, happy children, and a comfortable life, because they do not have this. But they cannot take responsibility for their own decisions; A bad career choice, a bad choice in men, attention from undesirable men, no children, alone with too many children from various fathers, whatever. They are constantly angry and looking to blame someone else, or get some sort of free handout for their depressed situation. Most of them are at one spectrum or the other; Very self-sufficient or in near or relative poverty and living off of government or alimony.
It’s a catch-22. Feminism both causes depression and depression causes women (and men) to turn to feminism as a solution, but it never works. It only makes them more angry and depressed because they aren’t looking at the real problems. Once people realize that modern feminism isn’t even about equal rights, it becomes painfully obvious that it’s a disease that is eating away at humanity under the guise of something “beautiful” (femininity). There is nothing inherently feminine or beautiful about it. Quite the opposite, actually. If anything, it’s the raw and unrestrained chaotic dark side of the female psyche.
RPG – “@a dad probably a bit of all of the above. my mom graduated in the mid 60s. She didn’t work until my father died (I was 2, my brother 4). She didn’t have an education or skills and so trained as a hairdresser and did that as her career. Long days and standing. Then solo parenting. It was very hard I am sure. Her oldest sister went to college, was a teacher, married to a a white collar college grad, chose not to have kids. I think my mom envied how easy her sisters life seemed compared to her own.”
That last bit says it right there. Jealousy over what someone else had and unhappy with what she had and the choices that she made.
I’d bet your mother’s sister probably has some jealously that she had children and she didnt. The whole grass is greener is very prevalent with women.
Stephanie – That sounds like a rough situation for your friend. Cheating is no excuse and that’s a hard situation to recover from. Are you able to share what she did that hurt him so badly?
From personal experience though, it’s really hard to exist in a marriage without sex. Absolute torment, in fact. It really messes with your head to not have contact with the person that you love. So many women tend to bottle up their emotions and turn to denial of affection as a means to control their husbands and beat them down. I think that it causes severe mental and even physical impairments. Totally unreasonable to marry someone and expect monogamy if the other person is unwilling to keep their end of the bargain, but it seems to happen a lot these days. Even men deny their wives affection but it’s normally for different reasons.
It’s taken me months to finally get out of the rut of my divorce but what I’ve found is that my health and mind seem to be better than living in that state of constant depression. It becomes cyclical. Once it starts things spiral downwards and get even worse because nobody wants to be with someone who is depressed but they don’t necessarily realize that they were part of the root cause of the problem. It’s kinda like waking up from a bad dream because I feel like the same man that I was before things started going bad. You always question your own value, attractiveness, etc. When you get out of it though, you realize that it wasn’t really you at all. At least not completely. My ex’s behaviors and insecurities are something that she’s going to have to deal with before she can ever have a healthy relationship with someone, and it’s really heartbreaking because I don’t think that she’s going to take ownership of it before she really has a hard crash with reality.
If your friend didn’t reconcile with her husband, odds are that she’d just later be in the same situation with someone else because she didn’t fix her own problems. We all have them.
Good work, Stephanie!
I have characteristics all over the spectrum of femininity and masculinity and I embrace them all. Being feminine isn’t weak. There is an extreme power within it, actually. You just gotta know it and know how to work it.
Denying sex in marriage is certainly a form of rebellion. Marriage is the only licit place for sex given that God created sex and set the parameters for it.
St. Paul mentions that the spouses aren’t to deny each other unless there is mutual consent for a time of prayer. But you are to come together again or else temptations or your lack of self control is going to start taking over. Then things like illict sex could happen.
It’s tough enough for me as a single person to maintain chastity and purity however there is a Godly reason for it and I accept it so hence there is no reason for being crazy about it…I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a wife sleeping beside me willingly denying me because she wants to be rebellious or get back at me for her feelings.
“I hope young women today aren’t being raised to reject themselves as I was, a child in the 70s and 80s”
Your hope is in vain. 😉
Earl,
Sometime they deny sex simply because they do not need it as much as the other spouse. There is nothing sinister in their motives. They just have not learned to meet another persons needs.
‘He is a good man, he just got really run down through the years of her berating him and cold shouldering him and not giving him ANY sex or affection hardly.’
I understand marriage will have ups and downs, rough times and valleys…but I never understood how having a bad attitude toward your spouse does anything to improve the situation.
In the arena of support…a wife can make or break a husband. We are going to get beat up enough in the world, we don’t want it at home.
‘There is nothing sinister in their motives. They just have not learned to meet another persons needs.’
I’d call that selfishness, though.
‘How ironic that feminism taught females that being a woman was somehow lesser than being a man!’
Even more ironic is that feminism taught females to be the very thing they hate, men*.
*Although I think deep down feminists hate women more than men. The hatred of men is just a diversion of that.
It’s very confusing to me how feminism works.
You hate men so you teach women they should be men.
But it would make more sense if you hate men to teach women to be even more feminine. What better way to reject masculinity than to not be masculine?
However men will like that (very much so)…so you go back to teaching women to be men even though you hate men.
Is it any wonder feminists suffer from mental illness.
Fuzzie, all it takes surprisingly, is encouragement and a different attitude toward marriage (and divorce) than our culture, and the rest is really up to the her. She was the one who was humble enough to admit that she treated him REALLY badly for years. She was the one who decided she wanted to try to make it work and especially for their boys. She’s doing the heavy lifting… realizing what she’s done wrong over the years, realizing how badly she actually treated him (while she thought she was the one being mistreated….). It’s all her really. If she didn’t see her own issues in contributing to things getting this bad, I wouldn’t have been able to help by presenting the information on how most men want to be treated. You can’t help even a Christian wife if she’s bent on being arrogant and not able to admit when she’s wrong. My friend isn’t even a Christian. But I was praying for them the entire Summer and praying for their boys and her heart to be open to getting him back.
@a Dad – it was pretty bad… very nasty, critical, emasculating comments and coldness. She was very angry that he wasn’t what she expected him to be – uber romantic and wanted him to communicate more like a woman would. She admitted to me he told her the way she acted destroyed him overtime. He just never told her and held it all in and her behavior made him retreat further into isolation from her.
He’s the strong silent type, but very stable and loved her (he wanted to go back to her – which says a lot when you’re engaging in a fantasy with another woman where she looks and acts perfect to you). To want to go back to your normal wife (who treats you very badly and knows she did) means he still loved her very much. Which is incredible. I pointed that out to her and it was like a light bulb went on. I also pointed out how good he was as a father and hard worker and told her I could tell he was a good man.
Most feminists hate themselves even more than other women.
I know I sound like a broken record but one needs to only look at the recent female depression and obesity statistics to see what’s going on.
The CDC is NOT LYING about the fact that women, especially white women, are massively more depressed than anyone else:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db76.htm
The CDC is NOT LYING about the fact that women are becoming more obese than men now, and the numbers rapidly continue to climb:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db219.htm
Go girl power!
“In the arena of support…a wife can make or break a husband. We are going to get beat up enough in the world, we don’t want it at home.”
Yea… imagine years of being beat up at home emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and then on top of it, being physically denied sex from the only person you’re allowed to get it from. It’s a form of abuse in a very real way. Women don’t often see it, but I think they know (deep down) what they’re doing. They either feel shame or don’t.
Stats locked up in moderation queue. A few CDC links.
Stephanie,
You stepped in and counteracted the herd.Could it be that more women did this before feminism?
Yes Earl, I did take it that way, “Geeze, sorry for ruining your life!” Feminism encourages the worst selfish instincts in women, including seeing their own husband and children as burdens instead of blessings. That attitude alone, viewing life thru that lens, causes many women (and their families) much unnecessary misery! It wasn’t until college that I realized many feminist leaders were lesbian so then it made sense why husbands and children would seem limiting, under that circumstance! But to push that view on ALL women was super harmful and truly joy killing!
Good news Stephanie! Yay! 😀
So true a dad. I often wonder how much of my marriage issues were due to viewing life thru that lens, seeing things as “controlling” or “oppressive” when really maybe they weren’t. Even the lack of affection/drive on my husband’s side, I wonder had I known then what I know now if perhaps we could not have gotten past that too. I’d be the first to admit I was very immature and did many things to not support our marriage, that plus the dressing down and such, who knows how that played into his drive? In any case my head was all messed up, and I do think that was a factor, even if it wasn’t the entire cause. It sure didn’t help. When my babysitter married and had kids, she was like a duck in water, and she had/has lots of support. When I married and had kids it was a totally alien experience, and there was little support. I fully intend to support my kid’s marriages and mothering much more so than I got, and I am glad they had those years with my babysitter, learning from her what I was not taught myself.
Earl, that didn’t really come out until I had children and my aunt/uncle realized they would never have grandchildren. I think they were OK w not having children, and they spent their lives traveling, having white carpet/furniture, indulging their own desires, etc. But now their friends have grandchildren to talk about, and they don’t. They tried to be a part of my kid’s life but my mom thwarted that. I find that really weird, bc my mom has little interaction w her grandkids, but she jealously doesn’t want anyone else to have access. An easy way to describe it is my mom is emotionally a 14 year old girl. It’s all about HER.
‘An easy way to describe it is my mom is emotionally a 14 year old girl. It’s all about HER.’
Oh yeah…I have plenty of aunts like that.
Fortunately my mother was not like that. I got lucky in that regard, my cousins didn’t.
I am glad to hear you think so Ash! 😀
Anyone else see all of the media where feminists also want to make STDs mainstream to eliminate shame for passing on infections to other people? Just search for “feminism and STDs”.
Cosmo says that men need to step up and get tested, but yet statistically now most women engage in more sex with more partners than most men due to the now-proven 80/20 rule. Apparently men are also the only ones at fault because they often “pressure” women into engaging in less-safe sex, yet the CDC has posted fact sheets that clearly define how and why women are more prone to being infected with these diseases than men are.
Yet if you bring it to mainstream attention, it’s just viewed as more shaming of women who are never to be held accountable under feminist constructs.
Did you ever notice how male sexuality is viewed as perverted and disgusting, yet the “Fifty Shades of Grey” books are some of the best-selling erotica in the world; A series about BDSM that women just eat up (because women are exploring their sexual freedoms!) yet claim to be perpetual victims of domestic abuse and sexual harassment?
Feminism is a lie that makes everyone physically and mentally sick.
‘Cosmo says that men need to step up and get tested, but yet statistically now most women engage in more sex with more partners than most men due to the now-proven 80/20 rule.’
Promiscuity is the reason for the spike in STDs…not the sex of the person doing it.
Besides if they really wanted to hit the big elephant in the room…most of the STDs being spread by men are in the gay community. They have the highest partner counts. How many of these women have had sex with those type of men?
Gay men actually have sex with (and marry) women pretty often. You might be surprised. Some gay man told me a while back that he loved having sex with women, which boggled my mind, but apparently it’s true.
Not to mention, we now have a nation of bisexual and polyamorous millennials. It’s practically an epidemic.
Dancer’s first husband came out as gay about three months after they married.
And TMI: She also briefly worked at an adult video rental place with “private rooms” and she said they had these glory hole things and that guys would come every day to do that, even though it was commonly known that it wasn’t a woman on the other side! Maybe they just pretended to themselves it was? IDK. Regular guys, family guys, guys you would never ever suspect. One guy who was regularly on the other side knew he had AIDS and most of the time nobody used protection, think about that — all those people he potentially infected/exposed. She said it was absolutely disgusting and she REFUSED to clean those rooms because it was beyond nasty! Ew. Just ew.
RPG – That’s crazy! It’s like those guys didn’t care about it as long as they didn’t see who really was on the other side.
“You stepped in and counteracted the herd.Could it be that more women did this before feminism?”
I think they did, Fuzzie! I think mothers, grandmothers and aunts probably understood those things better back then. Probably not all of them – there have always been ugly women around criticizing or acting like victims – but you’d think the majority of older women in the family tried to get the younger ones to see when they would be throwing away a good man.
Cheating is weird. I’ve never in my life thought I’d be able to help a woman whose husband cheated. But it **seems** like there are different kinds of cheaters – namely two that I can tell (who knows if there’s more).
1) The womanizer cheater – you can’t help a woman with this kind of man. If he’s this type, he will cheat no matter who he is married to
2) The verbally/mentally abused, extremely thirsty for affection and admiration cheater – this kind there is hope… but a lot of it depends on his ability to forgive his wife for how she’s treated him (sometimes for decades which is almost impossible for some men), and on her to be able to see the parts she played in pushing him to experience that kind of temptation.
It’s all very interesting… especially coming from a psyche perspective.
“I think they did, Fuzzie! I think mothers, grandmothers and aunts probably understood those things better back then. Probably not all of them – there have always been ugly women around criticizing or acting like victims – but you’d think the majority of older women in the family tried to get the younger ones to see when they would be throwing away a good man.”
Isn’t it amazing how all of the most politically conservative women are not only the best mothers, but are also usually the prettiest?
It’s no wonder that the liberal feminists are angry and jealous of better women.
How ironic that feminism taught females that being a woman was somehow lesser than being a man
…….
Feminist taught women that? LOL I stand corrected, they have been right about something
How nutty is that?!
Nothing nutty about it at all. It was all done according to (((plan)))
’21 LOST LADY TRADITIONS THAT STILL APPLY TODAY’
http://sheismore.com/21-lost-lady-traditions-that-still-apply-today/
These are a lost art:
2. No rude or shocking language, especially at the table. Your language is a representation of your mind and heart.
18. Appreciation: Being a lady and acting lady-like does not mean that you are entitled or snobby. Practice having a heart of gratitude and always say thank you for specific actions or generosities.
@Ton maybe you are a feminist after all!?! Lol
my daughter asked me what one thing i thought, in recent (last 100 years or so) history has changed the world the most, and i told her feminism. it has tried to reverse roles God created, and rained down infinite havoc on all levels and areas of society. it has demeaned femininity, and tried to take from us women what is best about being a woman. and it has done the same to men – tried to take from men what is best about being a man.
I dont think feminism would have caught on if it weren’t for the advances in technology, Ame. Not that I am blaming technology per say
I hadn’t thought of that, Ton. Do you think technology was the vehicle through which it became possible or did it move it forward at such a rampant pace that there wasn’t room to adjust and defend against it?
The seeds were sown before it was invented…but after artifical birth control was invented that’s when it really ramped up.
Things like abortion, no fault divorce, state day care centers, and making mothers work…were all brain childs of Lenin in the Soviet Union. Feminism has its roots in Marxism.
Both Ame. Without labor saving devices i dont think it would have been possible for feminism to advance. If it wasn’t for the expansion of governmental policing and the like, I don’t think feminism would have been able to devalue men. Course there are a lot more things like that, but I rarely see anyone mention the two points I made.
Tldr civilization makes soft men and soft lives, both of which are required for feminism to advance. Can you imagine how long feminst would have lasted if men used their pimp hand and withdrew all support at the 1st sign of it?
i’ve heard it said that if men would decide to, feminism could be wiped out in one night. but so many men have been brainwashed and don’t think they can stand up to women. 😦
women have really screwed themselves.
Ton,
I’ve heard the same thing bachelors. It’s as though the feminists think that men are incapable of doing their own laundry and dishes, even without a machine. That goofball Emma Johnson (Wealthy Single Mommy) recently posted some silly article about how women won’t date men who were divorced from SAHMs, which is laughable, considering that most men can cook as well as most women, clean as well, and overhaul and engine or hunt for food. Her argument was something along the lines that feminist women seem to believe that a man with a SAHM wife is akin to having his mother pick up his clothes, which is ridiculous.
The battle of the sexes is so moronic.
i’m reading The Hardest Ride by Gordon L Rottman. any of you men heard of him? excellent book. here’s his amazon bio:
Gordon Rottman lives in Cypress, Texas. He served in the Army for 26 years including as a Green Beret in Vietnam and in the paratroopers, a long-range reconnaissance patrol unit, and military intelligence assignments. As a civilian contractor he wrote war games for Green Berets for 11 years. He’s written over 130 military history books and novels. The USA Today bestselling and Amazon Number 1 selling Western, “The Hardest Ride,” garnered the:
Western Fictioneer’s Peacemaker Award for Best Western Novel
Western Writer’s of America Best Traditional Western Novel
Western Fictioneer’s Peacemaker Award for Best First Western Novel Finalist
The sequel, “Ride Harder,” may be pre-ordered from November 20, 2016 and will be released in January 10, 2017 to be followed by “Marta’s Ride,” and “Marta’s Daughter.”
“History does not have to be boring.”
https://www.amazon.com/Gordon-L.-Rottman/e/B00NXVI2TO/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1512171622&sr=8-1
Ame,
I think that most men just never cared. They live in a state of perpetual monotony or total bliss until the have reason to wake up. I’ll be perfectly honest. I regret that it took a divorce to wake me up to the world around me, and I’ll never be the same. From what I gather, Ton’s experience was somewhat similar, if not worse.
‘Her argument was something along the lines that feminist women seem to believe that a man with a SAHM wife is akin to having his mother pick up his clothes, which is ridiculous.’
What feminist women believe is often not reality but projecting their hatred of motherhood, marriage, and gender roles onto everything. Besides for one…most hardcore feminist women aren’t married or SAHM.
If a man initiated the divorce from a SAHM, yes I would be wary. If the SAHM left him, I would not think that would make him an untouchable. In fact, I’d think it showed a man who was willing to be a lead, and who was more traditional. Not in a “women, pick up my socks!” type of way, but in being willing to be a leader and the head of the family. Of course one would have to check out the individual situation carefully, but that would be a broad brush view at least as I see it.
That gal sounds like a nut!
RPG – It’s hard to tell. Someone could have an opinion either way:
1. That person was unfaithful because they left. There is no way I would trust them.
Or
2. That person was left by their SO because there was something wrong with them. They must be damaged goods.
I can’t even know right now because I’ve not even started dating yet.
I would personally have trouble trusting any woman who left her husband, because I think that people tend to take their problems into the next relationship. On the other hand, if her husband was a cheater, then why?
On the subject of that article, she then goes to frame it as though men prefer independent women, but I’d say that most men are pretty indifferent on the whole thing. If a man wants to have a family, he probably wants to have a SAHM. If a man already has a family, he probably wants to date or marry a woman who can take care of herself and isn’t just another one of the children.
I’d suspect that this goes both ways though.
‘ she then goes to frame it as though men prefer independent women’
She’s projecting what she thinks men prefer.
Men want a helpmate for a wife. You can’t be independent and be a helpmate.
Exactly Earl, one can’t be both! Projection is a dangerous thing — and has doomed many a match!
RPG,
She is a nut. There are enough flakes and nuts out there to fill everyone’s cereal bowl.
Dad, the times I spent doing the hard core MGTOW were, logistically speaking, the easiest days of my life. It is extremely easy to be a bachelor. A lesson men don’t really learn because most men’s bacholer years sync up with their most thristy years….. same years they hold the least value in the smp as well
Just random notes on the Harry/Meghan coupling….
LOL I asked my mom what she thought of it 😀
She said, and I quote… “Well, good for him. Looks like he’s giving the system, his dad, and all of it, a big FUCK YOU.”
❤
#teamharry 😀
Ton – Interesting point. And if Rollo’s chart is to be believed, I probably don’t want to be a monk forever since I’m right around the peak. I never had any real long-term time where I was single outside of high school. After a bit of dating, I met the the ex-wife and she was with me during her best years. There are some weird parallels with the chart and the age at which we started dating, had the family, divorced. At this point I was dating / married to the same woman for half of my life, so it’s been baby steps to get to the point of getting out and meeting women again; Or simply just building a new life in general. But it’s coming together day by day.