Recently I bumped into a casual friend I hadn’t seen for a few years. We last saw each other at a fundraising auction for a local cause where I met her sophomore in college daughter and her daughter’s beau for the first time. (Her first boyfriend.)

At the time I remember thinking, “I bet they will get married,” and sure enough they are this June.

Her mom is exceptionally cute, always dressed stylishly, with her hair and nails done. She’s very fit and looks much younger than her years. The mom is incredibly sweet too, very devoted to her family.

Dad is a regular guy, not flashy, not someone one would look twice at. I am sure he’d be classified as a beta, and yet his wife loves him and fawns over him, has a gleam in her eye as he speaks. They look at each other with love. He’s a good provider and they seem to have a happy, stable marriage of many years.

The daughter’s fiancé reminded me a lot of her dad, and I predict the daughter will have a similar happy, stable, and non-drama marriage. Not because she’s lucky (while she is to have such good parents and a good example) but because she’ll make the small daily good choices that make it so.

It really isn’t rocket science, and yet it is so rare. It makes me happy when I do see people making wise choices and living happily as a result.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

As we have been discussing in comments in the last post, an uncomfortable truth is that men and women are capable of doing some pretty dastardly deeds to each other and to themselves.

Not just other people, or just bad people, but all people. Even me. Even you. From the beginning of time to the final days it’s a part of humanity that’s always been there and always will be. Thinking we can rid ourselves of society from it entirely or find a person completely immune to it is about as realistic as fried ice.

And yet it is only by acknowledging our worst selves, or our potential worst selves, that we can also understand and hopefully avoid sinking to that lowest bar — the cheating, lying, theiving, betraying, dishonoring, using, or destroying self.

Within each of us is the capacity to do and cause great harm, as well as great good. And all the various shades of grey between.

Looking at it isn’t pretty, or fun, or comfortable and yet within each of us it’s there – a primal selfish rebellious part that if we deny it or repress it can sneak up on us, surfacing in sudden and unexpected ways.

Thats when things like, “I just don’t know what came over me,” or “I never thought I could do that,” or “it just happened” are said.

I doubt anyone likes this part of themselves, well all except perhaps the most deviant and sociopathic. And yet there it is, part of us, part of what makes us vulnerable, part of the less than perfect.

Knowing its there is actually not a bad thing. In fact doing so can help one conquer the dark night of the soul when and if it comes, facing it, knowing its a choice to succumb or rise above. And a choice only we alone can make. Day after day after day.

Some days one will do better than others. But those trying to do better surely are ahead of those blindly being driven by parts of themselves they don’t understand, can’t face, or know.

It’s part of being human. Not the best part maybe, but a part. The best we can do is work to keep it as small of a part as possible.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

All of my life I have been told that men are out to oppress, harass, victimize, use, and deceive women. That basically men are no good. That men are the cause of all women’s woes.

But thanks to some very good men, and one in particular, I now see this isn’t even close to true. In reality good men are a gift to women. A good man makes a woman’s life easy.

If anything, all this negative messaging about men seems to have created the expectation that all men are no good, thus many women expect and accept cad behavior because, “that’s how all guys are.”

In turn, good men see cad guys winning so they either withdraw altogether or start learning how to act more like cads themselves. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

A race to the bottom.

Over and over I hear women complain there are no good guys. But in reality good guys are everywhere. Women just all too often pass them by. Or don’t see them at all.

Look for a good guy, would be my advice. And when you find one, be really good to him! Because a good man is a gift!

Or go for the cads, but when your life is filled with drama and angst, instead of blaming men, blame yourself. Because you just as easily could have chosen a good man who would be good to you. The choice is/was all yours. Take ownership.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Some relationships seem to exist in the land of constant worry. Is he doing X? Is she doing Y? It’s a constant guessing game, filled with yucky feelings, insecurity, and angst.

Now I am not a psychologist, and I am sure there are multiple reasons and causes for such a dynamic. I have seen people worry constantly when there was no reason to, and also cases where they had every reason to worry. But I think the most important part to focus on is such relationships are unhealthy and unhappy, whatever the cause. It’s not a good space.

In the end the last place you or your partner should be walking on eggshells is in your relationship.

If you have such feelings in every relationship, perhaps it’s time to look within. If you don’t normally have these feelings but are Having them in a particular relationship, maybe your intuition is trying to warn you?

Of course every relationship will have good days and bad, but if theres consistently more worry than peace, it’s not good. Time to take an honest and close look at yourself, your partner, and your situation.

What do you think such a relationship dynamic reveals? Please share in the comments.

The other day while waiting in the doctor’s office I couldn’t help but overhear when a cute, but not extraordinarily so, gal in her early 30s sitting nearby checked her voicemail on speakerphone.

A male voice said, “Hey, I have been thinking about you and how we should get together soon. I know your kid comes first and everything, of course, but call me back and let’s set something up!”

She rolled her eyes and pushed delete.

I pondered the exchange from multiple angles. Would she someday regret taking such calls for granted? Do nice guys win last? What would he have said differently had he known about the red pill? How would she have viewed the situation if she did? Would she call back? Would he?

Of course we don’t know the backstory, so it’s speculation, but what do you think of the exchange? Please share in the comments!