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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Monthly Archives: December 2017

What Predicts Relationship Success?

31 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 105 Comments

Tags

advice, breakup, breakups, dating, divorce, family, happiness, happy, life, marriage, red pill, relationship success, relatonships

Wish you could look into a crystal ball and see if your relationship was destined to succeed or fail? Researchers think they have found the answer that separates relationship masters from relationship disasters. From here:

“…Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples … will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

“It’s not just scanning environment,” chimed in Julie Gottman. “It’s scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”

Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there.”

In real life I would say I have seen this to be the case. Those I know in troubled, angsty relationships are always on the lookout for their partner to do them wrong or fall short, while the couples who seem most content are those who have a positive view.

The good news is both approaches are a choice, a mindset. If you aren’t already, start giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and look for the good in them rather than the bad, assume the best instead of the worst. Not only will they likely start feeling a lot better about the relationship (and you!), chances are you’ll start feeling so as well.

It’s easy to find fault, to focus on the negative. In fact, the human mind seems geared to see what’s missing more prominantly than what’s not. And while it likely serves us well in some ways, it can also create much unhappiness because let’s face it — there will always be something going wrong, even when 99.9% is going right! And really, how often in life is even 51% or more going wrong? In mine the answer has been rarely, or actually never, even if I have not always acted (or felt) like it. Even on the very worst days (not that I am daring the universe here…)

What do you think? Have you seen this master or disaster approach to relationships in real life? Is seeing the glass half full the secret to a long and happy relationship? Please share in the comments.

 

Dark Triad Game

30 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill, Relationships, Sex and Such

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

bad boys, dark triad, dating, game, marriage, red pill, relationship dynamics, relationships

A commenter suggested I check out season two episode 4 of The Crown on Netflix.

Well I just watched it and while there are many red pill moments, I believe he was referring to a really great example of dark triad game run on Princess Margaret, then the world’s most eligible woman.

The whole episode is good but it cuts to the chase around 37 minutes in, when the single princess shows up at a photographer’s studio, a man she met at a party who intrigued her with his bad boy vibe.

I’d highly recommend you watch it for yourself but his understanding of what makes Princess Margaret’s neurons flip is spot on. You can practically see her flinching from the tingles.

And it worked like a charm, because she ends up marrying him, having his kids, and bringing him into wealth and connections that help launch his already successful photography career over the top.

One could also argue how rather than be a moth to a flame Margaret would have been better off running for her life as the relationship soon turned into (surprise!) a disaster.

The two later have various affairs, get involved in drugs and heavy drinking, make each other miserable, and become the first royals to divorce since the days of Henry VIII.

Not surprisingly, the couple was celebrated as “progressive” and “real” and “bucking tradition” and “bringing the monarchy into the modern age.”

Despite the spin I do have to wonder, were the tingles worth it? For her? For their two kids? (who I wonder about, who was raising them while their parents were so busy being 60s/70s icons?)

The Dark Triad man is captivating indeed, thrilling and edgy. But there are two sides to him and what goes up must come down. Beware playing with fire, it burns.  The good times are usually far, far briefer than the bad.

What do you think? Please share in the comments. (And if you have Netflix, watch the clip!)

Facebook Follies

27 Wednesday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

breaking up, breakup, breakups, Facebook, jealousy, marriage, online dating, online stalking, social media, trust

Several couples I know in real life with a lot of strife in their relationships would do well to step away from Facebook and other forms of social media.

Why? Because in their cases rather than it being a place to truly check in on the latest from family and friends it has instead become a place to monitor the every friend, follow, and like of their beloved.

I know it may sound silly, but I truly have seen and heard spats over the most innocuous things.

I keep wondering why these people don’t simply COMMUNICATE with each other, rather than try to read the tea leaves of likes, posts, check ins and such. I mean I suppose one could like Sherlock Homes catch their partner red handed in some lie (why were you checking in at the club at 1 am when you said you were going home?) but why? I mean if you even have to have ask that type of question, isn’t that your answer?

I am sure most of these behaviors come from a place of insecurity, but to me they just come across as nails in the coffin — bad experiences rather than positive ones, accusations that will lead to less disclosure, not more.

If you find yourself Facebook stalking — stop! Stop and ask yourself why, what you are trying to find out, and if the skepticism is healthy self-protection or a warning sign of major troubles ahead.

Let those with ears hear.

Young Love

24 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 61 Comments

Recently I bumped into a casual friend I hadn’t seen for a few years. We last saw each other at a fundraising auction for a local cause where I met her sophomore in college daughter and her daughter’s beau for the first time. (Her first boyfriend.)

At the time I remember thinking, “I bet they will get married,” and sure enough they are this June.

Her mom is exceptionally cute, always dressed stylishly, with her hair and nails done. She’s very fit and looks much younger than her years. The mom is incredibly sweet too, very devoted to her family.

Dad is a regular guy, not flashy, not someone one would look twice at. I am sure he’d be classified as a beta, and yet his wife loves him and fawns over him, has a gleam in her eye as he speaks. They look at each other with love. He’s a good provider and they seem to have a happy, stable marriage of many years.

The daughter’s fiancé reminded me a lot of her dad, and I predict the daughter will have a similar happy, stable, and non-drama marriage. Not because she’s lucky (while she is to have such good parents and a good example) but because she’ll make the small daily good choices that make it so.

It really isn’t rocket science, and yet it is so rare. It makes me happy when I do see people making wise choices and living happily as a result.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Our Worst Selves

23 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 43 Comments

As we have been discussing in comments in the last post, an uncomfortable truth is that men and women are capable of doing some pretty dastardly deeds to each other and to themselves.

Not just other people, or just bad people, but all people. Even me. Even you. From the beginning of time to the final days it’s a part of humanity that’s always been there and always will be. Thinking we can rid ourselves of society from it entirely or find a person completely immune to it is about as realistic as fried ice.

And yet it is only by acknowledging our worst selves, or our potential worst selves, that we can also understand and hopefully avoid sinking to that lowest bar — the cheating, lying, theiving, betraying, dishonoring, using, or destroying self.

Within each of us is the capacity to do and cause great harm, as well as great good. And all the various shades of grey between.

Looking at it isn’t pretty, or fun, or comfortable and yet within each of us it’s there – a primal selfish rebellious part that if we deny it or repress it can sneak up on us, surfacing in sudden and unexpected ways.

Thats when things like, “I just don’t know what came over me,” or “I never thought I could do that,” or “it just happened” are said.

I doubt anyone likes this part of themselves, well all except perhaps the most deviant and sociopathic. And yet there it is, part of us, part of what makes us vulnerable, part of the less than perfect.

Knowing its there is actually not a bad thing. In fact doing so can help one conquer the dark night of the soul when and if it comes, facing it, knowing its a choice to succumb or rise above. And a choice only we alone can make. Day after day after day.

Some days one will do better than others. But those trying to do better surely are ahead of those blindly being driven by parts of themselves they don’t understand, can’t face, or know.

It’s part of being human. Not the best part maybe, but a part. The best we can do is work to keep it as small of a part as possible.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

False Idols

17 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire, Red Pill

≈ 272 Comments

Tags

career woman, glass ceiling, red pill, single independant woman, SIW

One of the women my mom held up as an example of all a woman could do and be was Gloria Vanderbilt. My mom admired her New York social scene, her career as a fashion designer, her success and acclaim.

I really didn’t know much about her myself, except that she released a line of blue jeans that was fairly successful, and designed clothing. I had always assumed she started her company and built her success from the ground up.

Well, last night during some random insomnia web surfing, I came across the full story. Gloria Vanderbilt was actually born into immense wealth, the granddaughter of a railroad baron, the child of her father who rather than be a titan himself had lived a playboy lifestyle and drank himself to death by his early 40s, leaving his barely 19-year-old bride and 18 month old daughter behind.

Gloria was raised by her mother until the age of 10 when she was the subject of a bitter custody battle between her aunt and mother. While her mother traveled the world living off the interest of Gloria’s trust fund ($5 million at the time, which made little Gloria along with her older half sister one of the richest women in the world at age 21), Gloria was apparently largely raised by a nanny who had concerns about the child’s environment.  Allegations of neglect and immoral behavior on her mother’s part, combined with testimony by young Gloria herself, ended up with her being placed in the custody of her aunt, her father sister.

From there she attended exclusive schools and was raised in a family that owned multiple homes on Fifth Avenue in New York, including one that took up an entire New York city block.

Now I don’t mean to take away from what Gloria did with her life, or to imply she did not have her own crosses to bear — including the early loss of her father, the early years with(out) her mother, multiple failed marriages, one son who disowned her, and a son who killed himself in his 20s — but for her to be painted as a role model for what the average gal could achieve with moxie and hard work was, to say the least, disingenuious.

It makes me wonder what the background of many of the other early “successful career women” is. Were they also women who started with means and status far above the usual? I will have to look into it as time allows.

In any case, beware false idols. Things are not always what they are portrayed to be.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

The Gift of a Good Man

14 Thursday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 266 Comments

All of my life I have been told that men are out to oppress, harass, victimize, use, and deceive women. That basically men are no good. That men are the cause of all women’s woes.

But thanks to some very good men, and one in particular, I now see this isn’t even close to true. In reality good men are a gift to women. A good man makes a woman’s life easy.

If anything, all this negative messaging about men seems to have created the expectation that all men are no good, thus many women expect and accept cad behavior because, “that’s how all guys are.”

In turn, good men see cad guys winning so they either withdraw altogether or start learning how to act more like cads themselves. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

A race to the bottom.

Over and over I hear women complain there are no good guys. But in reality good guys are everywhere. Women just all too often pass them by. Or don’t see them at all.

Look for a good guy, would be my advice. And when you find one, be really good to him! Because a good man is a gift!

Or go for the cads, but when your life is filled with drama and angst, instead of blaming men, blame yourself. Because you just as easily could have chosen a good man who would be good to you. The choice is/was all yours. Take ownership.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

The Land of Constant Worry

13 Wednesday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 45 Comments

Some relationships seem to exist in the land of constant worry. Is he doing X? Is she doing Y? It’s a constant guessing game, filled with yucky feelings, insecurity, and angst.

Now I am not a psychologist, and I am sure there are multiple reasons and causes for such a dynamic. I have seen people worry constantly when there was no reason to, and also cases where they had every reason to worry. But I think the most important part to focus on is such relationships are unhealthy and unhappy, whatever the cause. It’s not a good space.

In the end the last place you or your partner should be walking on eggshells is in your relationship.

If you have such feelings in every relationship, perhaps it’s time to look within. If you don’t normally have these feelings but are Having them in a particular relationship, maybe your intuition is trying to warn you?

Of course every relationship will have good days and bad, but if theres consistently more worry than peace, it’s not good. Time to take an honest and close look at yourself, your partner, and your situation.

What do you think such a relationship dynamic reveals? Please share in the comments.

Dating Is Expensive

11 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 117 Comments

Tags

advice, break up, break ups, breakups, dating, dating advice, dating after divorce, dating success, love, online dating, red pill, relationships

I have a friend who once complained when a man she met online planned a relatively inexpensive outing for their second date.

Instead of embracing a fun and creative day, she pouted the whole date and (surprise) wasn’t asked out on a third.

Dating is expensive, especially if he’s picking up the tab. Being mindful of that, and even suggesting fun but low cost date ideas yourself, is a good way to stand out from the entitled princess types and demonstrate you’ve got LTR partner potential.

Yes, dinners out at the best places in town are nice, but a gal who expects nothing less on every outing may find herself soon wondering why he never called again.

Oh and be sure to say, “Thank you.” A guy once told me it’s surprising how many women don’t, and when it happened, he would not call them back.

What do you think about the economics of dating? Please share in the comments!

Overheard

08 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 91 Comments

The other day while waiting in the doctor’s office I couldn’t help but overhear when a cute, but not extraordinarily so, gal in her early 30s sitting nearby checked her voicemail on speakerphone.

A male voice said, “Hey, I have been thinking about you and how we should get together soon. I know your kid comes first and everything, of course, but call me back and let’s set something up!”

She rolled her eyes and pushed delete.

I pondered the exchange from multiple angles. Would she someday regret taking such calls for granted? Do nice guys win last? What would he have said differently had he known about the red pill? How would she have viewed the situation if she did? Would she call back? Would he?

Of course we don’t know the backstory, so it’s speculation, but what do you think of the exchange? Please share in the comments!

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