An interesting point came up in the comments recently about how much a man appreciates a woman who assumes the best of his intentions, words, and actions instead of the worst.
For example, let’s say you text him and don’t hear back right away. Do you assume something is wrong? Worry? Get upset? Assume it’s deliberate? Maybe even start sending a flurry of accusatory or drama filled texts trying to get a response or the reverse, ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment in return when he does reply? (BTW, both a very bad idea!)
If so, you may want to start practicing more positivity. How about taking a deep breath, assuming until proven otherwise that everything is fine, and just moving along with your day?
It’s not so hard to do and it will create a world of difference. Letting anxiety and insecurity get the better of you causes nothing but harm to a relationship.
And if he’s truly someone you just can’t trust, or who is repeatedly unresponsive, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why you are even in a relationship with such a person rather than focusing on trying to control something you can’t?
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
And this is not about not giving a shit, zfg, dark triad, being weak, etc.
It is strictly a total, life altering, surgical removal of trust.
A sudden ceasation of any faith in the inherent decency of human beings.
Not paranoia, just a total “I will believe it when I see it.” For anyone and anything.
Can you honestly now truly believe Santa is real? Like you did at four?
…….
The Ton calls that masculine maturity
“Took round about 12 hours I reckon Dad”
Given the circumstances though, I guess I don’t blame you.
The Ton is resilient
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/12/08/for-the-children/
Horseman, Ton:
Yes, “Masculine maturity”.
The point is what a life-changer it is for the man who used to be very trusting. His wife was the person he trusted the most. He trusted what she said. He trusted her implicitly. He trusted that even if everyone else left him, she would not. She would have his back, what she said was true, she wouldn’t lie to him about anything important, she wouldn’t leave when the chips are down, she would care about him.
And all that changes when she proves unworthy of that trust. All that changes when she proves unable or unwilling to have his back, she lies to him about things central to the relationship, she shows her indifference, she leaves when it gets tough, she won’t give him affection when he wants or needs it.
It all changes. He changes, irrevocably. Because she was the one person who said she would not do those things to him. He kind of expects others to leave, betray, lie, cheat, and steal. Not her. Not the one he’s pledged his life to.
But she did. Just like everyone else.
So when that trust is violated, it can’t be given back. It can’t be fixed. And it won’t be like it was before, ever again. The marriage might be repaired and you can go on, together. But the marriage won’t ever be like it was before she betrayed him. Ever. There’s no going back to the way it was. He won’t do it. He can’t do it, because he’s not that person anymore. And he wouldn’t even if he could, because he knows what will happen if he does – she will betray him again. Because she’s human. Because she’s flawed and imperfect and will let him down just like every other human has done and will do.
@A Dad Sorry to pry! Not trying to make you feel like you have to answer me about the neurotic stuff! I just have experience with that (both having neurotic tendencies in myself unfortunately, and seeing it in family members and how it played out in their romantic life).
My grandmother was kind of psycho 😦 I wrote about it here: http://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2015/07/25/giving-in-to-anger-is-gambling-with-your-mental-health/
My mom was a lot better but still had some issues she has to deal with that she refuses to deal with. She’s kind of destroyed a lot of my dad’s love for her, and they both know it, and it’s tragic.
Anyway… I wanted to say if your wife dealt with that also, it may be hereditary and it may not have kicked in until she was under serious stress or temptation, but there are ways women can deal with it to make it almost non-existent!
This video was almost exactly what I’ve done to “cope” or “manage” those things… a lot of that came from my dad’s suggestions and it does work really nice!
That trust that is shattered was based on bleu pill bullshit so shouldn’t have been there in the 1st place
@a dad true, I should say he “could” have high smv/mmv potential but you are right, his actions and choices, likely from his past, are working against that potential.
Oh wow Bloom I think i have a comment in mod lol… I didn’t check when I posted it if it went through, but it’s not there.
Found it! Thanks for letting me know 🙂
Stephanie – Oh, yeah. She most certainly was like this and started to take anger management seriously at one point, and then just stopped a few years later. She lets stuff build up forever and blames other people for how she feels. It’s no joke. She definitely doesn’t have a grip on her emotions.
Her mother was much the same way but actually did get better with age. But from what I hear her mother was batshit crazy when she was younger. Like screaming and throwing things crazy.
Just going to be honest with you. Women like this might love a man one day, and then it might turn into obsessive hate the next day. Some guys would just say that all women are like this, but I wouldn’t know. Most women in my life have more or less been like this to some degree.
When I was in my early to mid 20s I did not have good emotional control. I didnt throw things or act violent but I would overreact to situations. When I think back on it now it’s embarassing and I am sure it didn’t help build up my marriage. And it very likely dampened my ex’s feelings. When I see other women acting like that now, shit testing and making mountains of molehills, I cringe for them. It’s so unbecoming. Just don’t!
“She lets stuff build up forever and blames other people for how she feels. ”
I think sometimes anger management can help, but yea she would have needed to have been serious about it. It sounds like what you described is what is called “Stuffing.” stuff their angry or emotional feelings inside until they burst, letting it explode. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Or it “leaks” out in passive aggressive ways like criticism, or turning sex off (passive aggressive because she’s not giving you the real reason… just “tired” or “not feeling it tonight” etc.). Either way… it’s not “dealing” with their feelings and seeing if they’re “real” or not.
“Just going to be honest with you. Women like this might love a man one day, and then it might turn into obsessive hate the next day. Some guys would just say that all women are like this, but I wouldn’t know. ”
Yea my mom was like that some with my dad and it really affected him – I might have thought it was only “some” but it was definitely “enough” for him to forever see her differently 😦
And no… I don’t think it’s normal at all. It’s not mentally stable.
Stephanie – Some of that is often said to be symptomatic of BPD but obviously only a psychotherapist can diagnose it. My ex got better after some sessions with a therapist but that didn’t last forever and she ultimately got worse as time went on as she tried to ignore the issues and pretend like they weren’t there.
There really is no cure for BPD
Farm Boy – Sure there is. Escape.
Amazing how much better my frame of mind is now that I am now that she’s been removed from my life. She keeps trying to sneak back in and I’ve basically told her that I want nothing to do with her.
The BPD song every boy should know. I showed my son this song awhile back and explained to him this is how some women think and act. The Hypergamy and BPD is a “cool” thing now
Cool in what manner?
‘When I was in my early to mid 20s I did not have good emotional control. I didnt throw things or act violent but I would overreact to situations. When I think back on it now it’s embarassing and I am sure it didn’t help build up my marriage.’
Same here when it came to overreacting…it was more of a worry/depression/fear type of emotions rather than say anger (although anger would happen sometime). I’m not proud of it, but I understand now why emotions should be ordered in truth. Speculation/assuming/forecasting off emotions is often more wrong than it is right.
Gah, misplaced my phone again! I seem to have the missing phone curse these days!
Luckily I can still catch up w you guys via my iPpad.
A few more details on this gal, in the very few minutes I observed, my guess is she’s very attention driven bc who listens to voicemails on speaker in a crowded waiting room? Also she gave herself an injection right out in the open as well (maybe diabetic? It looked more medical than like a drug thing bc she injected into her shoulder.) Maybe it’s just me but both those things ate things I would do away from strangers rather than in front of them. It was odd.
‘And it very likely dampened my ex’s feelings. When I see other women acting like that now, shit testing and making mountains of molehills, I cringe for them. It’s so unbecoming. Just don’t! ‘
Have you ever attempted reconcilliation with your ex?
RPG,
From the added details, she sounds like a terrible relationship candidate.. Unfortunately, that is what single men are going to find when they go looking.
“Cool in what manner?”
@Farm Boy
Just watch the girls and women who sing along to that song at one of Taylor Swift’s concerts via youtube and it will kind of “get you” how 1,000’s of women like it and think “Wow! This is an AWESOME song!!!”
Scary!
@ Earl he is remarried.
Great
http://divyengadhavilifecouch.wordpress.com
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