All of my life I have been told that men are out to oppress, harass, victimize, use, and deceive women. That basically men are no good. That men are the cause of all women’s woes.
But thanks to some very good men, and one in particular, I now see this isn’t even close to true. In reality good men are a gift to women. A good man makes a woman’s life easy.
If anything, all this negative messaging about men seems to have created the expectation that all men are no good, thus many women expect and accept cad behavior because, “that’s how all guys are.”
In turn, good men see cad guys winning so they either withdraw altogether or start learning how to act more like cads themselves. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
A race to the bottom.
Over and over I hear women complain there are no good guys. But in reality good guys are everywhere. Women just all too often pass them by. Or don’t see them at all.
Look for a good guy, would be my advice. And when you find one, be really good to him! Because a good man is a gift!
Or go for the cads, but when your life is filled with drama and angst, instead of blaming men, blame yourself. Because you just as easily could have chosen a good man who would be good to you. The choice is/was all yours. Take ownership.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Lol dad I think Ton’s magic sex word (tip?) is to “assume the sale.” He doesn’t ask, he tells. It may not always work, and one has to have the frame to pull it off, but it works a lot better than most would suspect. Crazy well in some cases.
Case in point: I’ll have to find it but a guy recently wrote a post about a Tinder experiment. When he approached women with the opener, “wanna fu(k?” It was something like 82% more effective in ending with her digets and a date (he didn’t actually show, he says) than a polite “nice guy” opener. Of course it was not a double blind scientific study and Tinder may be a skewed audience that way, but it does reveal something Ton seems to get intuitively.
No fear of rejection. Life is far better when you stop worrying about things that don’t matter, or worrying about anything for that matter. I’ve come to worry about less and less over the past year because even if shit happens a man needs to be confident that he can get up and take control of it.
RPG,
You may be oversimplifying. The study was with two Tinder male profiles, one white and one black. The black guy got away with it. The white guy didn’t.
I don’t think there is a magic password. However, women are deathly afraid of that or some magical technique. I am thinking of stories about Mesmer and Rasputin.
Fuzzie I think that’s the one. A Canadian guy? He speculated it was the black profile pic vs the white one but I’d have to see the photos he used to really say for sure. It’s possible his two sets of photos were not apples to apples as far as body language, frame, confidence, etc.
I have seen guys do surprisingly well w that opener. Believe it or not.
I have to wonder what a man would catch with bait like that?
I crash and burn all the time. Difference is I will nuclear reject her if she is a bitch about just to have a story for later on
Not to long ago I was talking to this girl who thought she was a mma fighter, even though she had never been in the ring. I started negging her like a stone cold dick and she stormed out of the bar. I laughed my ass off and called it a win
All women want to fuck. They might not want to fuck you but their whole purpose in life is to take cock. Her vag is just a high maintenance hole unless your balls deep in her and she knows that. ( feminist also know this which is why they have that weird fetish deal with their own baby box) so yeah you can catch girls with the wanna fuck line, all sorts. Like I said most girls arent hard core cock hounds but most girls also have their moments too.
A girl sees a guy, forms an opinion about him and expects a certain kind of opener from him. She sees a guy and assumes he is funny, she’ll expect a funny opener, or a joke pretty quickly. She sees a guy all slicked up, that’s what she’ll expect. She sees an aggressive dude ie bad boy, she’ll expect a bad boy type opener.
Black dudes already get bad boy cred just for being black, but also girls who fuck outside their race tend to be mega whores, especially so for White chicks who do it
Magic sex word….be good at being a man.
Be as far away from, beta as you can be. Even girls who are looking to settle down want as little beta as possible.
I know that stings for a lot of fellas, but it’s ok. Most guys don’t need a whole new persona, most dudes just need to tweak some shit
‘Good to see that Earl and the furrball are still talking about stuff they have never witnessed, experienced, and consequently understand. Why would they shut up and observe and participate in life for a while?’
Where’s that coming from?
‘I have seen guys do surprisingly well w that opener. Believe it or not.’
‘I have to wonder what a man would catch with bait like that?’
The kind of woman who has tingles before and scorn, angst, regret, or fear after.
Cads like to think they know it all or are in control with their sexual immorality…but with the unjust white knight court system and many women already hating men and thinking they are the enemy all it takes is having one consent before turning it into rape after and they are done. Most people aren’t going to take the guy’s side of the story…they will be assumed guilty and no one will believe they are innocent.
I have seen chicks who were married for 26 years go off the rails and start fucking around while her old man was down range getting shot at and what not by hajjis. She would have gotten away with it expect their 17 year old son came home early.
The infidelity rate for military wives is over 50%. And thats just the ones dumb enough to get caught whoring around when their old man is 7,204 mikes away. My guess is most of those chicks weren’t the cheating kind either
I personally have seen way to much to believe in the long term fidelity of women. Pair that up with how the court systems raped the guy after 26 years of marriage and…. Well it’s more reasons why men should not entrust their well being to the mercy of women and the courts.
Dalrock is talking about not respecting married men. I get older fellas who married before the trends were so clear. Can’t say I respect men who remarry or younger men who marry. Marriage demonstrates a large degree of wishful thinking which is unsuitable for mature men.
I don’t blame men for being angry and anger is a useful tool but I see the long term anger as a sign a man needs more work on his Frame. Which ain’t a big deal. We are all works in progress.
In this case, the more a man can detach himself from his anger and the situation at hand, the better he will be able to determine his course of action, the better his course of action the more success and happiness he can experience in life.
True not saying that opener will lead to the highest quality gal, true. Not sure Tinder would be a good place to find that anyway.
Thats really sad re: after 26 years. And while he’s at war, too. 😦 I wonder what ended up happening to her? Do you know Ton? Cat lady?
‘True not saying that opener will lead to the highest quality gal, true. Not sure Tinder would be a good place to find that anyway.’
They know what they are looking for on Tinder. It’s the quicker, easier way of doing things rather than going out to a club or bar.
Then there was the story of the woman in Nebraska who was murdered after going out with a guy she met on Tinder. I’m sure the family was proud that fact was brought up.
Yeah I can’t imagine doing Tinder, seems dangerous. But a gal I worked with was all over it right after her divorce. So people do. She was not a very nice person tho, either. Very narcisstic so it seemed to dovetail into feeding her ego. I lost track of her but she didn’t seem headed anywhere good. She also had booted her husband out, restraining order, was playing all kinds of games w the kids., the whole frivorce bit while claiming SHE was the victim. Not a nice person at all. Her ex was trying to get custody and for the kids sake I hope he did. She was a terrible gal.
‘Very narcisstic so it seemed to dovetail into feeding her ego. I lost track of her but she didn’t seem headed anywhere good. She also had booted her husband out, restraining order, was playing all kinds of games w the kids., the whole frivorce bit while claiming SHE was the victim. Not a nice person at all. Her ex was trying to get custody and for the kids sake I hope he did. She was a terrible gal.’
That’s the type cads look for. They are one in the same.
Earl how would you know what sort of girl that opener would work on?
‘Earl how would you know what sort of girl that opener would work on?’
I’ve seen it before. The very narcissistic and ego driven are easy targets for smooth talkers…and feminism is all about pumping women head’s high on ego. Pride isn’t as great as trait the ego driven make it out to be.
LOL maybe one day you’ll have some 1st hand experience to match what you think you know about the world. Which is the point you’ll actually have some wisdom and decent comments
You take more pride in your lack of pride and ego then I take in all my accomplishments
If I’ve spoken wrongly, Ton…then what is wrong?
“Magic sex word….be good at being a man.
Be as far away from, beta as you can be. Even girls who are looking to settle down want as little beta as possible.
I know that stings for a lot of fellas, but it’s ok. Most guys don’t need a whole new persona, most dudes just need to tweak some shit”
——
Was aiming for a laugh around here, but I don’t disagree.
But as you say regarding the infidelity rate of military wives, even some of the toughest men are going to lose at that one because she’s home alone with her imagination, the single neighbor guy, and “50 Shades” and nobody is permitted to shame her for it. Really sad. I don’t think that the infidelity rate is even that much lower for civilian wives, if it is at all. Stats are saying that married women are cheating as often as men now, but they have no consequences for it. It says a lot about how dangerous marriage is now. Women are now encouraged to explore their sexuality all while accusing undesirable (or unattainable) men of sexual harassment. It’s a deliberate ploy to castrate men and feed female ego.
We all seem to know that it’s obvious that this isn’t going to end well though, especially if all men either check out or become full-time cads. Very real scenario where 3/4 check out entirely or just game women for sex and the marriage pool is is only the remaining 25% of men. The stats are showing that we are moving in that direction.
I’ve thought about this a lot lately, how a rocky marriage possibly makes men retreat to “beta” mode when shit really goes downhill. Hence that stupid phrase: “Happy Wife, Happy Life” (which is a lie, by the way, losing frame is far worse in the long run). Their only options are to bail and take a beating by the no no-fault gynocentric divorce court, or ride it out with about a 25% chance that things might get better…. Or it could get worse. Thinking about my own situation, I was totally screwed if I lost half of everything and custody of my son. I could tell that deep down I wasn’t myself anymore, but was just trapped in a prison for years with no quarter.
The outcome of waiting it out was actually better for me in the long run, even though the path there was pretty crappy. But over the past few years it took a lot of time to break out of that mode; A few years of working out and going the boxing gym to learn to fight, ultimately helped to kill off that beta side by the time the marriage was over. This was before I even found any of the RP stuff like “Lift, bro!”. It was just a natural male response to being trapped. I had never really heard of “red pill” until I came across this site.
But even after rebuilding oneself, retaliation is only going to result in a pissed off woman who feels “oppressed” because she’s a protected class who legally is entitled to half of everything. So the best option might be to let her nuke the marriage for less than what she’d get from the judge, if she happens to even have a hint of remorse about how she treated her husband. Perhaps she’s so disgusted with him that she can’t understand what’s going on in her head and just wants out as fast as possible.
The real reason why women nuke their marriages. Because it’s easy and they can’t see the long-term consequences, only the short-term gains that are awarded for doing so. It’s a pursuit for short-term instant gratification. I also think that some guys really do have some pity for their ex-wives. It makes me sad to see my ex in the position that she’s in now, but she did it to herself. It’s really hard to turn off 20 years of love for someone even if they treated you terribly in the end. And to see them potentially struggling to survive. That’s not what a man has in mind when he wants to care for his family but is shut out. He’s got to survive too, and when the trust is broken it’s all over. I got of way easier than most guys, in many ways relatively unscathed.
In a way, perhaps it is a cultural change that’s necessary to fix the problems. Fem-centric culture gets radically out of control, begins to burn to the ground. Men have to to become ultra-masculine again to build civilization back up (as they always have). Of course there would be retaliation before it all falls apart, because the weak always want someone else to blame for their problems. I think that all of the violence against women / sexual assault stories are indicative of that. When humanity has no natural predators, only internal war seems to keep things in check. Perhaps in the west that’s currently a gender / identity civil war of sorts.
‘But here’s the funny thing. Feminists always use the word “women” rather than “feminist”—the women’s movement, women’s studies, Women’s March, etc. They do this to give the impression that all women think one way. Or should think one way.’
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/12/15/feminists-want-women-to-be-liberated-from-men-marriage-and-children-no-wonder-never-use-word.html
‘ I think that all of the violence against women / sexual assault stories are indicative of that.’
When they (they being the feminists) erode, degrade, and insult every protective aspect of the Patriarchy…all they are left with is undisciplined and volatile cads.
I am sure social media and the Internet only make the temptation to cheat even greater, and easier. I think it was really wise for Stephanie to tell her spouse when people from the past reached out, rather than think “oh we can be friends!” Taking steps like that early rather than letting the hamster run w it are good preventative strikes!
Avoiding social media is something women (and men) should do. The bad outweighs the good
You got the pieces Earl, you need to put them together and flush the idea there are women who are immune to cads, pua’s etc. Game doesn’t work on some women, it works on all women. Not at the individual level as in because how I talk to a girl doesn’t work on her it doesn’t mean some other dude can’t say the exact same shit and get laid 20 mins later in alley out back.
Tldr you still believe in unicorns
‘Tldr you still believe in unicorns’
I believe in Christ.
‘Game doesn’t work on some women, it works on all women. Not at the individual level as in because how I talk to a girl doesn’t work on her it doesn’t mean some other dude can’t say the exact same shit and get laid 20 mins later in alley out back.’
Then how do you explain virgins?
Earl – Such a thing exists?
Stats say that 6% or less of women are virgins when they marry.
As Ton found, even his virgin church gal went out on him down the line. Of course some women are better bets than others, but it really is true that even her being a Christian or a virgin is no guarantee. Unfortunately even in many churches today, standards have become so much more secular that even within a church bible study, women might encourage a gal to, “just get divorced, God will forgive you. God wants you to be HAPPY, etc.” Maybe churches are trying to appeal to more people by watering things down, but I think its a real loss.
In my babysitter’s church, for example (very old school) if a couple divorces for anything less than a reason the leaders deem acceptable (very few and even then they are expected to then remain single and celebrate after, no remarriage. One such gal I know, her husband became a hardcore drug addict meth/heroin and he would not seem help so the divorce was approved, but she cannot date or remarry), they are SHUNNED TOTALLY. Even by their own family. And while that may sound harsh, there are few divorces because in their community there are CONSEQUENCES of divorcing and it is highly discouraged. In our overall society, even church, this is more than not no longer the case.
Then it’s not really game he’s talking about…it’s temptation to sin.
In that case, I’ll clarify more…how would you explain virgins who were/are devoted to Christ? They are out there.
The were meaning they’ve since died…but lived a life like that.
“In my babysitter’s church, for example (very old school) if a couple divorces for anything less than a reason the leaders deem acceptable (very few and even then they are expected to then remain single and celebrate after, no remarriage. One such gal I know, her husband became a hardcore drug addict meth/heroin and he would not seem help so the divorce was approved, but she cannot date or remarry), they are SHUNNED TOTALLY. Even by their own family. And while that may sound harsh, there are few divorces because in their community there are CONSEQUENCES of divorcing and it is highly discouraged. In our overall society, even church, this is more than not no longer the case.”
————
RPG – Nothing harsh about it at all. Nobody should be able to divorce under no-fault.
It’s disgusting and government involvement through the guise of Femarxism has obliterated the family and created a legion of degenerates (and I’m an agnostic who believes this). Everything in this world needs consequences, or we’ll face something far worse from uncontrolled human nature. No-fault divorce is selfish and indicative of mass-narcissism.
How many hymens have you broken Earl? How many girls are marrying age and virgins because of faith vs not having meet a cad, pua etc that did other them?
Mostly earl you sound like a child with a child like understanding and experience level
Ton,
That is personal. How would you like it if that were addressed to you?
I do have to wonder about “keyboard alphas”. They are so quick to give offense that they must be insecure about something.
RPG: Off-topic. You might find Episode 4 of season 2 of the Netflix production of “The Crown” interesting.
Someone else told me I should watch The Crown recently too. I will check it out! 🙂
Respectfully Ton I am not sure anyone going around breaking hymans would be the solution. As Toad claims, then they’d be married under the Old Testament standards. “You break it you buy it!” Maybe if that were the way things went we’d have people thinking about such things more carefully?
The removal of consequences and the “don’t shame, don’t judge” movement has caused all sorts of problems we see today from frivorce to hookups to a rejection of all that was once accepted morality.
I know there are those who say, “enjoy the fall” but is joining in on immorality and debautery really an answer? Say a guy becomes a PUA poon slayer extrodinare, pumps em and dumps em left and right, how does that help things, from an ever after point of view?
Should we be mocking people who are trying to follow the Lord’s ways, no matter how out of style they are these days? Does God reason, “true everyone else was doing it so its all good?”
Think of Noah and how he was mocked, or Lot, or others who followed the Lord. And yet the Lord was pleased by their faithfulness in a faithless world.
I
Not only pleased but so pleased the faithful were spared while the rest were not.
I think that you all are taking Ton’s comment out of context. I interpreted it as a statement that women of marrying age are already sleeping around and that to expect anything else is like believing in Santa Claus.
Laters. I’m off to go on a beer run in my flying car.
Perhaps Dad, it would for sure not be the first time I misunderstood. If so, my apologies to Ton!
My point is, once again there is no way to prove they are still vrigins by faith or by lack of opportunity
Who’s mocking? Or is pointing out reality mocking now?
Right now, Earl is a lamb before the slaughter, naive, whos experience is theoretical and advocating a path that seems like a high percentage move but isn’t necessarily so. Earl is an annoying sanctimonious ankle biter but I don’t want to see him crash and burn because he thinks he is on some high percentage path when that isn’t necessarily so
Nor am I telling him not to marry, or marry a slut etc but fools rush in an all that jazz.
‘I do have to wonder about “keyboard alphas”. They are so quick to give offense that they must be insecure about something.’
They are trying to cover up something that is hurting.
How high percentage is the path of being a cad picking up girls and trying to sleep with them? We’re seeing that house of cards come tumbling down now with all these ‘powerful’ men being accused.
Women as a whole are taking advantage of the gynostate built on feminism…both through frivorce and now through guilty until proven innocent accusations of sexual harassment in the workplace. If that makes me naive to not engage in that ‘game’ of trying to prove to other guys on the internet how much I can tempt women into bed, so be it.
You are the only one talking about cads earl. If you noticed I haven’t advocated being one. I never do
You may not call yourself one or advocate for it…but if you do what you say you do…you are certainly living a similar lifestyle.
Besides why are you getting so up in arms with me having a beef with cads? I have just as much ire for promiscuous men as I do with promiscuous women. They both tear down civilization.
I do think as women become more promiscuous that allows more men to become cads. The sexual revolution did more to promote cad behavior than patriarchal behavior. Which if women haven’t figured it out yet…does much more harm than good to them.
So if we live in an age were most women give it away for almost nothing and we assume all women will do it anyway…then sure cad game would be somewhat successful. That doesn’t mean it’s right about everything when it comes to female nature and male nature.
The common opinion is that any man who doesn’t buy into the system of marriage to the state is that he is a cad, or a player. He’s doesn’t “man up!” to give women what they want. It’s spin to deny a man the ability to protect his own interests and it needs to be stopped. It’s no different than every other form of shame against men that is so popular now.
Men did what they were told to do. They became providers and domesticated family men and many are now crushed under unjust law even if they did all of the right things. The feminists spin marriage as something that is somehow oppressive for women but neglect to talk about all of the specific protections that it gives women that still exist today. Strangely, a vast majority of feminist women still marry and want to marry. What sense is there in that? Women, are, in fact, the only people who benefit in marriage if modern laws are followed to a “T”.
I’d like to mention that I am not against marriage. I’m simply against marriage with today’s laws. It’s simply that men’s rights are important to me now that I can see what is really going on in the world around me.
Earl – It’s important to understand that men who take advantage of the situation are merely doing so because it’s the last reasonably safe way to do so. And even that is now under fire because feminists want to deny men any control over their own sexuality.
It happened when they enacted marital rape laws to which Phyllis Schlafly said: “By getting married, the woman has consented to sex, and I don’t think you can call it rape”. Well, feminists still wanted the option to marry (for the protections and resources that it offers) but wanted laws that didn’t require them to provide anything to their husbands in return. They wanted no-fault divorce so that they could leave a quality man at any time and still take half or more of his assets, his children (which traditionally were a man’s for the sake of family business), etc. They pushed through rape shield laws so that a victim’s past actions could not be questioned. They positioned laws of “guilty until proven innocent” with no repercussions for false accusers which can still destroy innocent men. They defend female teachers who molest young boys, and they deny that it’s possible for a man or boy to be raped! And now they drum up bullshit like #MeToo to convince the world that somehow every single woman is automatically a victim who bears no consequence for her own actions.
Yet, somehow, if a guy doesn’t “man up!” and marry some girl that already slept with the entire town, somehow that makes him a terrible person. It’s like now we have stepped back into the Stone Age and have thrown out all morality and virtue. Now, the standards are so low, men aren’t even allowed to have standards for a quality woman (and there are so few left). Even the Christian church doesn’t seem to care about the sins of its people.
Earl, I think that all Ton is trying to say is that you need to be careful if you’ve not had any experiences with marriage, divorce, children, etc. Your goal of finding perfect Mrs. Earl is not impossible, but it’s very improbable to find someone with your beliefs. And you run a fairly great risk of getting into a bad situation by relying on The Bible in a secular State that doesn’t give two shits. The Bible is one of the most red pill books that exists but you now live a a world where the masses are convinced that God is dead and do not care one bit about what that scripture says. The federal / state laws are written to deliberately usurp the law of God.
Being a PUA is not a good path for everyone, clearly. But the only real safe option is MGTOW or something in between. And even those things aren’t safe, because you can be accused of something whether or not you are married. All of those guys in politics and Hollywood that are getting accused of sexual misconduct? Nearly all are married! And coincidentally many are strangely “male feminists” or liberal advocates for women.
“You may not call yourself one or advocate for it…but if you do what you say you do…you are certainly living a similar lifestyle.
Besides why are you getting so up in arms with me having a beef with cads? I have just as much ire for promiscuous men as I do with promiscuous women. They both tear down civilization.
I do think as women become more promiscuous that allows more men to become cads. The sexual revolution did more to promote cad behavior than patriarchal behavior. Which if women haven’t figured it out yet…does much more harm than good to them.
So if we live in an age were most women give it away for almost nothing and we assume all women will do it anyway…then sure cad game would be somewhat successful. That doesn’t mean it’s right about everything when it comes to female nature and male nature.”
——-
The saying goes: “Why buy the cow when the milk is free”, right?
Of course it’s not right. Most men would love to marry a good woman and that’s why men have STILL been marrying in droves, but that’s changing. Most men marry today because they are brainwashed into thinking that they are supposed to, without being aware of the real consequences. They are being told that they are supposed to accept any woman, regardless of her past, and that she will love him if he loves her. The reality is that most sexually active single women today probably have a higher n-count than most men, especially because 80% of all men are apparently not attractive enough by today’s standards. That, and both men and women lie about their sexual partners; Men claim to have more, and women claim to have less.
If I should declare, “I will NEVER murder one of my children”, I wonder if anyone here would offer a strenuous objection to my saying such a thing with confidence.
I would. Women murder their kids every damn day
EElsbeth, not that I don’t believe you, but I can imagine situations where I would. For example if it was me doing so or them being terribly tortured, abused, and raped. To spare them that, then death. As terrible as a thought that is. And maybe in that moment I would not be able to, even if it seemed merciful. Maybe God would give me strength to remember his plan is greater, to trust his will and timing. eLt’s hope we never come anywhere near such a situation where it would seem better than the alternative
Maternal filicide is hardly talked about, especially the fact that women commit it far more than men (and this doesn’t account for the 1-in-4 women epidemic of abortion), yet women are typically cited to be “victims” of someone else which causes them to act in such a way. Thus, it’s excused. Usually said to be unemployed, unmarried, victims of domestic abuse, psychological trauma through hormones or postpartum depression, etc. Thus, even when a woman kills her child it’s somehow regarded as a man’s fault because there is no legal way to sterilize the crazy women who keep reproducing (as only women seem to have reproductive rights that they clearly cannot manage).
Now, if we are talking about abortion, 1 in 4 women are murders of babies. I personally know a few women who’ve done it. Out of site, out of mind, I guess.
I would not believe any woman that says she could not murder someone, especially helpless children.
Sadly in many cases of infantcide, especially w severe postpartum, women lead themselves to believe they are doing so in the child’s best interest. And actually many men who murder their whole families do so thinking the same. So tragic 😦 then of course there are cold blooded ones, but from what I have read it’s much more often a mistaken delusion that it’s the merciful option. Many suicides are caused by the same reasoning.
“Of course some women are better bets than others, but it really is true that even her being a Christian or a virgin is no guarantee. Unfortunately even in many churches today, standards have become so much more secular that even within a church bible study, women might encourage a gal to, “just get divorced, God will forgive you. God wants you to be HAPPY, etc.””
I do totally agree that anyone is capable of doing evil. But that still doesn’t mean that they all WILL do evil.
Having a fear of God, like a real fear, is a good thing for both men and women. I believe it does A LOT to keep both sexes from acting on their impulses to do something really evil.
On the “good men cheat all the time” thing. I know it sounds sexist (because I guess it is) but usually when a GOOD man cheats it’s because his wife treats him like crap and he’s long past his “breaking point.” I’m talking emotional abuse, mental/psychological abuse, and even physical abuse like hitting him throwing stuff at him etc. I can understand a man being pushed to the point where it’s very easy for him to want to cheat or seriously consider it when a woman who is the opposite of his wife is around him a lot (work environment especially), even though he’s a good person in every other way, when he’s living with a woman like that.
Another weird example I guess could be King David… pursuing a married woman and even murdering her husband, and yet still somehow being described as a man after God’s own heart (at least before all that maybe?). But God severely punished him (and Bathsheba, I don’t believe she was innocent – the Bible doesn’t say she was “raped” it says they committed adultery). She could have acted like an Abigail to David and begged him not to do this horrible thing, but she was seduced by him wanting her (I think). It’s a real case of hypergamy playing out in the Bible.
Another thing… King David cheated when he was not at war, but probably should have been. He usually would go out with his men, but he decided not to that time and was probably really bored at home. A warrior who was considering and trying out “retirement.” I’ve seen that too… it’s like a mid-life crisis for men when they’re bored and aren’t fulfilling their mission anymore.
For women… it’s just not usually the case that her husband is “pushing” her into feeling that kind of really strong temptation. I always read stories of these wives (Christian ones at that) who cheat because they simply want someone different or aren’t attracted enough to their husband to be interested in sex with him. That’s horrible, and of course I judge that kind of cheating way harsher. In these cases, the husband is usually working really hard to provide for them, going to counseling with her to “save” their marriage, trying everything he can to be nice and kind and respectful and good.
Wives like this give us other wives a “bad name.” They cheat because they can get away with it, and also treat their husbands really badly in all other things in their marriage.
“Now, if we are talking about abortion, 1 in 4 women are murders of babies. I personally know a few women who’ve done it. Out of site, out of mind, I guess.”
I definitely believe Elspeth… both on the murdering her children thing and cheating on her husband.
One thing that is certain about maybe both temptations is that when the consequences are no longer there, it does make more people feel ok in carrying it out. I’ve read countless stories of young women or teens aborting their baby in large part because of how easy it was, how no one was judging them for it, or worse, how maybe their parents or partner was pushing them to do it… and there’s actually a pill some can take that can reverse the abortion pill.
Their testimonies are all online, even some on youtube and it’s amazing to see how EASILY these women fell into almost aborting their own baby.
I felt that way, too, with our first. We weren’t ready for him, and when we simply went to get a confirmed pregnancy at one of those cheap clinics (we were college students and super poor), they automatically offered abortion services and asked me upfront if I really “wanted” the baby. No… I didn’t really “want” a baby right then, and there was like this moment of temptation I felt that I’m still really ashamed of, but their honesty in calling it a baby also was jarring. Of course I wanted to keep MY baby, even if we weren’t ready for him.
Tl;dr… it’s a lot more tempting to do something evil when there are 1) no consequences anymore, and 2) it’s SO readily available to you and no one would ever know.
Rational male has some interesting posts on how a woman’s hormonal cycle can affect her susceptibility to cheat, at ovulation is the riskiest time apparently.
I do think a healthy fear of God is a good deterrent. We may get away with unseen deeds in the here and now but there is no unseen in the ever after.
Someone I know, a guy, who was a cheater said even when nobody knew, he knew he had. And the relationship was never the same. He said he eventually realized it just wasn’t worth it. After multiple divorces…
So much of the bible is actually just really good solid advice on living a life in a way that avoids the pain and price of sin. But people often fool themselves that “it’s ok” or “this is different.” Only to find it’s not. The price is always more than the pleasure. Not only in the ever after but also in the here and now. Doing the right thing is the right thing to do. I think!
True Stephanie, it’s really pushed on young women as an easy fix. I know women who had false positive tests that their child was a severe birth defect only to find (luckily!) at birth it wasn’t so, or another friend was told her pregnancy has failed, only to see a heartbeat when they were ready to do the D and C. And I even know a women who carried baby to term knowing baby would not live Past birth, but she said she could give them those nine months. People actually criticized her but I so admired her thinking. And I know women who gave babies for adoption. Imagine, Steve Jobs was a baby that today would maybe have been aborted! To women feeling they “aren’t ready” or “can’t afford a baby” that circumstances change so easily, things work out, just have faith. Unfortunately too few say this to women in that situation.
“‘I felt that way, too, with our first. We weren’t ready for him, and when we simply went to get a confirmed pregnancy at one of those cheap clinics (we were college students and super poor), they automatically offered abortion services and asked me upfront if I really “wanted” the baby. No… I didn’t really “want” a baby right then, and there was like this moment of temptation I felt that I’m still really ashamed of, but their honesty in calling it a baby also was jarring. Of course I wanted to keep MY baby, even if we weren’t ready for him.
Tl;dr… it’s a lot more tempting to do something evil when there are 1) no consequences anymore, and 2) it’s SO readily available to you and no one would ever know.”
Damn, Stephanie. Your candidness just really blows me away. You just seem to be so compassionate about people, your family, etc. And when you say something that breaks my heart, it hurts when you share how even you have suffered because you seem so sweet yet grounded and devoted at the same time. I get that not everyone’s situation seems to be perfect. We had out kid when we were “ready”, practically on command, But not everyone is so fortunate. On the other hand, I’ve pretty much accepted that I might only have one and no more and really want to make the most of it. Maybe it’s a bit of suffering that really makes or breaks a person. No good things in live ever truly come easy.
It’s all about supply and demand. When women stop demanding bad boys and begin demanding good men the supply of bad boys will decrease while the supply of good men will increase. It’s really up to women just as it has been all along.
Really interesting blog post…thanks for sharing!
I have so much I could say on this, but I don’t want to write a book. One major thing that everyone needs to understand is that men mature much later in life than women. So, women should stop looking for men their same age. I tell all my female friends in their 20s to date men in their 40s.
Also, as a man, I have no incentive anymore to get married or get locked down. There’s plenty of single and available women out there. Why stick with one?
And yes, there’s many good men out there. The problem is, they grow up hearing how terrible their sex is, and they’re constantly shamed for being a male. So they have no confidence and they’re very confused. If we can fix this, then there’ll be more than just 5% of men that sleep with 95% of the women (like that is the case today).