All of my life I have been told that men are out to oppress, harass, victimize, use, and deceive women. That basically men are no good. That men are the cause of all women’s woes.
But thanks to some very good men, and one in particular, I now see this isn’t even close to true. In reality good men are a gift to women. A good man makes a woman’s life easy.
If anything, all this negative messaging about men seems to have created the expectation that all men are no good, thus many women expect and accept cad behavior because, “that’s how all guys are.”
In turn, good men see cad guys winning so they either withdraw altogether or start learning how to act more like cads themselves. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
A race to the bottom.
Over and over I hear women complain there are no good guys. But in reality good guys are everywhere. Women just all too often pass them by. Or don’t see them at all.
Look for a good guy, would be my advice. And when you find one, be really good to him! Because a good man is a gift!
Or go for the cads, but when your life is filled with drama and angst, instead of blaming men, blame yourself. Because you just as easily could have chosen a good man who would be good to you. The choice is/was all yours. Take ownership.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
And link to where I said “we would for sure cheat on our husbands no matter what, if we knew we could get away with it”. I’m pretty sure it was ACTUALLY something like this:
“right time, right man, right circumstances, low risk of detection, very very high risk that she will cheat”
Which I stand by 100%.
Here’s what this comes down to: Women are unable to take a good hard cold look at the dark underbelly of female sexual nature. And they’re unable to accept the facts about it. And because of that, men and women cannot discuss male or female sexual nature in any meaningful way.
@ deti I get that you are very angry. And are possibly married to a gal who did that to you. And that other men are angry and have been wronged. But I do respectfully disagree that’s ALL marriages. Also we as individual women here are not responsible for what all of feminism has done. Nor can we control anything but ourselves. I personally believe (some) people can operate on more than their basest desires or impulses. Sure, many today do as you describe but that’s not ALL. I suppose all women have the potential to cheat or would like a hot sexy perfect dream guy, just like all men would probably rather sleep with a 10 than a 6 or a 4, but at some point people need to be realistic. All fall short of perfect as well, both women and men. I disagree every woman acts like you describe or every marriage is like you describe.
“very very high risk that she will cheat””
No Deti.. .that is NOT what you said at all. Look, I get it that it may be hard for you to see that you greatly disrespect good women who are really trying, but you do. Just like Vox shows he doesn’t really respect married men who don’t do things the way he thinks they should. You do.
You actually said this:
“Ladies, including RP women:
If you have a chance to cheat and not get caught, you will. Right man, right time, right circumstances, low risk of detection = cheating. The only things that keep you from cheating are that those four factors don’t line up except once in a great while. And even if they line up and you don’t cheat, you seriously considered it, and that to me is pretty much the same thing, because your thoughts, attention, and hearts were away from your man.
What’s always on your minds is what you can extract from the men in your lives. Money, resources, time, labor, attention, validation, whatever – it’s all about how you can use men and what you can get out of them. All that “love” is, is a decision to stay with a man for prolonged resource extraction in exchange for ever-decreasing amounts of sex and services.
That’s why men have to take the positions they take with you. That’s why men have to immediately start withdrawing attention, time, money and resources, and start controlling money outlays. That’s why women call budgeting, ignoring them, and withdrawing attention “abuse”. That’s why men have to say “no more”.”
Bloom:
Dear, you’re not reading carefully.
I was talking about female sexual nature. All women have that nature. Some women, a few, learn to overcome and master that nature. Most do not. NAWALT is the oldest argument in the book and it’s not going to fly with me. You should know that by now.
Deti it sounds like you think all women are worthless and horrible or something. That none are fit for marriage or could possibly want a good man instead of a cad. Don’t you see how that’s just as inaccurate as saying all women are perfect blameless angels?The worst experience is not ALL experience. Or maybe I am not understanding what you are saying?
What Deti means is that unless a woman agrees with him on every point, then conversation on the topic is void of any meaning.
This includes (never mind whether it’s true or not) confessing that she would cheat on her husband under the right circumstances as some evidence of her acknowledgement of the dark side of women’s sexual nature.
So if you 1) love your husband and could never imagine cheating on him , or 2) married a good man who you truly are attracted to, then I agree there is no meaningful discussion on the topic to be had. With him.
I think I married a bad boy with a heart of gold down deep or something like that. Which made him a good man? Not sure really because
I do know that there are good women who are do not find bad
Ugh. Good women who do not find bad men attractive.
‘I understand human nature. I don’t have to know 100% of everything to know what I need to know. I understand female nature.’
You understand female nature as basically are they sexually attracted or not. There’s more to it than that.
Deti I do know cads are not worth the time. I get that lots of women don’t seem to get that.
Cads are very good at telling women what they want to hear, at creating that “romance” experience, and yes at getting women to say yes when they should say no. But such guys are only playing the part. Those guys won’t be there. They should be avoided just as guys should avoid the party girl carousel riders. Of course those will both end badly.
Stephanie:
I stand by that 100% too. And note that I said that even if she doesn’t cheat, she certainly thought about it. Nothing incorrect about that. Most women have seriously considered cheating. I don’t doubt that at all. Some women have cheated. Most have thought about it.
I don’t “respect” any women, save a couple of lawyers I work with. “Respect” meaning admire them or defer to them. Women hate men who “respect” them anyway.
All I am doing here is talking about male and female nature. And you’re running screaming from the room. You’re refusing to see that there are some genuinely bad women out there. Are there some Good Women? Sure. But let’s face facts – they don’t want Good Men because they aren’t attracted to them. You need to have the courage to face that truth.
No Elspeth that’s not what I mean.
Deti do you think most guys would also cheat given the same circumstances? Or just women?
And truly in my mind a cad is the male equivalent of a carousel rider, and just as unsuitable as a one time or long time partner. But just because some men are cads I don’t think all men are like that. Wouldn’t you find it insulting if my post was instead, “There are NO good men.”
Deti it sounds like you think all women are worthless and horrible or something. That none are fit for marriage or could possibly want a good man instead of a cad. Don’t you see how that’s just as inaccurate as saying all women are perfect blameless angels?The worst experience is not ALL experience. Or maybe I am not understanding what you are saying?
Well. This opened up a can of worms.
All women are NOT worthless and horrible. Didn’t I just say
I was talking about female sexual nature. All women have that nature. Some women, a few, learn to overcome and master that nature.
?
Let’s focus on what I DID say. I DID say that women have a base nature. AWALT. That female nature is based on hypergamy and emotions-driven decisionmaking processes. That is not good or bad. In fact, under proper control, those things are good, because hypergamy gets her the best men she can get for herself. And emotions are good because they’re the yang to men’s yin, and help men see things they many times cannot see. It’s when they’re UNCONTROLLED that they become problems. Like they are now. Women are totally out of control, in part because that’s what they want, in larger part because men have allowed it. Uncontrolled hypergamy is a complete disaster. Uncontrolled emotions-driven decisionmaking is even worse.
Women have a base nature characterized by those two things. Some, perhaps even many, women learn to overcome that nature (through no help from modern society). Many women do not overcome that nature and are instead driven and controlled by it.
Is all this really all that difficult to understand? I think you all are reacting emotionally because these are very unpalatable facts, and you don’t like what they say about women. Come on, people. I am faced with basic male nature all the time. As a general rule, we’re more violent, mentally ill, depressed, autistic, and defective. There are many more of us on the extreme ends of the bell curve. There are lots more male retards, idiots, mental defectives, autists, and psychopaths than there are women. who fit those characteristics. We men are self destructive. We are more aggressive and take greater risks. We die earlier. We’re more likely to commit suicide, and when we attempt it we’re more likely to succeed. We think with our dicks. If we could we would have sex with as many women as we could with as little investment as we could.
There is PLENTY that is terrible about men. I can face it. Why can’t you face what is terrible about you?
That I can understand, yes. And would agree with.
Thanks, Bloom.
Let’s all be willing to face facts about men and women. Let’s all grow the F up here.
In fact much of this blog is directed at trying to help women see and understand those drivers and to point out how they can lead to destructive bad choices. I know not all who read here want to hear that, but I am trying to help women learn to master those drivers, for their own good, their mates good, for their children’s good. The modern way is a s#it show and doesn’t work, I would absolutely agree.
There is an aspect of men’s an women’s basic wiring. Some years ago there was a test done using brain scans of men and woman taking the English (as opposed to math) section of the SAT. Throughout the test the “logic” sides of the men’s brains were recorded firing with nothing but a dull flicker from the emotional side. With just words on paper to react to the men weren’t feeling anything. The women, on the other hand, lit up both logic and emotion on just about every answer. The words themselves triggered a forest of visceral emotional reactions.
In general women’s imaginations are VERY powerful and are fired almost at random by just about everything. Now, there are also occasionally men like that. I was business partners with one and it was … odd. And there are certain cultures where the men are MUCH more like that and the women are somewhat more simple and direct. Of course there are some Western women who do not get caught in a complex set of emotions every time their brain lights up. I have two women friends, one an ex fighter pilot and the other a top physicist and, though seemingly very feminine, they tend to think like typical men: Objective before subjective, concepts before emotions, concrete before theoretical. High testosterone women? Maybe. They don’t look like it though.
Bottom line: Western women tend to produce a cloud of ideas and feelings when stimulated with information. In that complexity many strange (to men) connections can be made with the speed of light. I suspect that this quality created many of the powerful connections that forged our civilization and social environment. Now Western men tend to think in relatively straight lines and have used that to construct a great deal of the physical environment and to deal with emergencies. Think of wall paper or clothing. Women will relish the most complex designs. A man is exhausted by stripes.
I have archives of honest assessment of what is terrible about me. I just posted about a less flattering aspect of female sexual nature.
That charge rolls off me like water off a duck’s back.
We are not all terrible in the same ways or equally. And finding someone attractive doesn’t equate to willingness to cheat. I have never considered cheating on my husband. If that sounds like snowflake talk, so be it.
Deti – Even after being run down by my ex, and having my beliefs in having a quality marriage destroyed, I don’t believe at all that all women are bad. It took me a lot of time this year to get through the pain and anger, but I came out of it a better man, and know now how to handle some things better going forward in life.
In many ways, I suspect that your situation is similar to mine.
I’m still doubtful that I’d find a “good woman” any time soon. At least not one that offers me what I want at this point in my life. It’s not entirely impossible, but I’m not certain that I’d be willing to risk it again given the laws and social standards these days. It’s something I would really have to consider. But some of the things that some of the ladies here say really do make it apparent that they are out there.
I’ve never cheated in a relationship. I was fully dedicated to every man I had a relationship with. Yes, that’s plural “men”. As a young female I had wished it would be only one man for the rest of my life. One who would father 10 children with me 😀. But that’s not how the cards were laid out. From what I’ve read on the blogs, apparently I’m labeled as a feminist for having multiple partners, no children, and a career. I don’t identify with that title at all. Sometimes life doesn’t work out exactly as you planned.
I didn’t say all women are bad. I said all women have a base nature that some of them master and overcome.
Deti said: “Women are unable to take a good hard cold look at the dark underbelly of female sexual nature.”
Guesswork: 40,000 years ago if the tribe exiled a man, there was a chance he might live in the wilderness, steal a mate and found another tribe. If the tribe exiled a woman there was a good chance she’d be eaten by wolves. Men are allowed to be seen as bad, it might even be considered a positive trait. Women, on the other hand must be seen as virtuous per the traditions of the tribe. To not be perceived that way was a death sentence. Women likely still feel the threat and react to it unconsciously. It’s probably why when men fight there can be a clear winner, but when women fight it’s more like endless sniping without resolution. The tribe was better off the more women it had. The less harsh and permanent women were with each other the bigger the breeding pool.
Our tribal traditions are changing, women are fueling this but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t challenge them to the core.
Alan Kardec…”Throughout the test the “logic” sides of the men’s brains were recorded firing with nothing but a dull flicker from the emotional side. With just words on paper to react to the men weren’t feeling anything.”
Very interesting. I wonder if to some extent the emotions were being suppressed because they were in a situation in which they were being measured…ie, if they had read the same passages off-the-clock, not as part of a test, would they have showed more emotional arousal?
Certainly the ability to keep one’s emotions under control in critical situations is very important in many fields. If your airline pilot is dealing with a double engine failure due to a bird strike, you want his *intuition* to work, but not to be overwhelmed by emotional flooding.
Love – I want to find a good woman who wants 10 children as well, but things don’t work out that way and I’m probably approaching that age where it makes little sense. Most American people think that large families are strange these days.
Part of the problem is that I didn’t really know that I wanted that until I was financially stable and we were ready to have my son. It became apparent that my ex’s urge to have children really meant only one child.
I’ve got a close relative that has that family. A great wife, many children, and they seem to be very happy. They both work very hard (he travels frequently and she is home with the 8+ kids) but it seems to be paying off. They have great kids.
“Women are unable to take a good hard cold look at the dark underbelly of female sexual nature.”
It’s nothing more than the dark underbelly of sinful human nature. Why did Eve eat the forbidden fruit? She was tempted and went with her feels.
The biggest bane of feminism in my opinion is the thought that everything a man does is bad or evil and everything a woman does is good. Separating good and evil based on the sexes. Nope…we’re in this together both in sin and salvation.
DF: “Very interesting. I wonder if to some extent the emotions were being suppressed because they were in a situation in which they were being measured”
If memory serves me well it was simply that the men had very little emotional connection to words on a page. The words were simply objects without excessive value. Just information, no more. In the women the words were stimulating additional connections, memories, feelings. The women then had to struggle to filter them into perspective.
I see it like this: women may be vastly more creative and even more intelligent than men. Their brains certainly produce a good deal more product per unit of input. However, that is distracting. A woman sees a maze where a man sees a hallway. It’s easy for a woman to get bogged down in the nuance of things where a man just makes a decision and pushes forward. I was always puzzled if all this was true why there weren’t more and better female artists … like a majority. It’s a collection of careers where there are very few natural barriers for women. I suspect, and some of this comes from fairly close observation, that the inherent discipline of being a man, ie. seeing FEWER options, frees men up to be more productive. Logic based education over the last 150 years, clearer “how to” literature and other factors are helping women to order their thoughts and make great advances.
If men and women are supposed to be complimentary rather than competitive, the two talents work well together. The man is single minded, focused, a missile aimed at the outside world. The woman multitasks, nurtures, maintains the tribe. The man “steals” resources, either from nature or from other tribes. The woman prepares and distributes the resources collected by the men. The complexity of her sharing and caring requires balancing a lot of agendas.
Counter to my complimentary vs competitive comment I went through a period where I had a number of girlfriends who were dancers. I noticed that they thought more like men, something that made me comfortable. Not only did they work out four hours a day but they spent all that time dividing space and dividing time. They inflicted logic on the physical world in ways that few women do but are common for men. There also might be a hormonal angle. Because of all the exercise, in particular the leg work, these were high testosterone girls and it probably modified their thinking.
I’ve often wondered if the dividing time aspect helped them be less emotional. Their world was more linear, like a man’s. One thing happened at a time and if you got ahead of yourself you failed. Obviously, they also had more than average emotional control because of the discipline of their work and the fact that, like many professional athletes, they did what they did in spite of a lot of pain.
Do they have a few of the same qualities as a tribal woman who walked ten miles a day, starved, and had 10 children, I don’t know. Those were some hard core, practical babes. Apache women evading capture strangled their children so they wouldn’t make noise. They could have more kids … but only if they themselves survived. That’s some horrible bad assery that goes deeper than even the fiercest modern male can imagine.
I suspect that our current vision of what women are is pretty short sighted when looking at all of history. It’s good to be discussing this but I try to take my own theories with a grain of salt and a sense of humor.
Alan, very interesting analysis on dancers. I am one and never considered that before.
“This includes (never mind whether it’s true or not) confessing that she would cheat on her husband under the right circumstances as some evidence of her acknowledgement of the dark side of women’s sexual nature.
So if you 1) love your husband and could never imagine cheating on him , or 2) married a good man who you truly are attracted to, then I agree there is no meaningful discussion on the topic to be had. With him.”
^What Elspeth said is what I agree with 100%.
I’m glad you can let it roll off your back Elspeth, maybe it speaks to my immaturity that I let it get to me to be told I’m really an evil woman who has secret intentions of cheating on my husband, and if I ever see a chance where I’d get away with it, I’d do something that evil and harmful to him. To me that’s poison to hear about myself, because I know it’s not true and I think the motivation behind it was evil. I’ve also never encountered someone who would feel bold enough to say that to another person (male or female).
Hypergamy I agree with, but it’s not “seriously considering” cheating on your husband.
@Earl has it never occurred to you that the Bible is for the great part not meant to be taken literally? There are deeper meanings than you know. Try reading the writings of Neville Goddard.
Stephanie I am sure that Deti will apologise.
On men having many bad things about their base nature… that’s just not the same as accusing good men of being willing to ACT or “seriously consider” carrying out something very evil against their wives and to harm their own wives.
I think… if I told a bunch of very good men on a men’s blog, that they would do something evil to their wives if they could get away with it, or that they’d seriously consider acting out evil toward their wife, they’d probably be upset at my accusation.
Satan is called “The Accuser of the Brethren” for a reason.
http://www.1timothy4-13.com/files/teach/accuser.html
RPG…”like all men would probably rather sleep with a 10 than a 6 or a 4, but at some point people need to be realistic” There is a big difference between the sexes on this I think. Sure, the guy would rather sleep with the superhot 10 than the 6, but I believe in most cases he can get sexual satisfaction or at least release with the not as beautiful one. For women, not so much, there is a much lower % of guys that can turn us on enough to make sex pleasurable.
Don’t know if this should be called hypergamy or not….IMO, it is NOT the same 20% of guys that all girls want to sleep with, there are differences from girl to girl, and also, in my case and a lot of women I know he doesn’t have to be a ‘Bad Boy’
And it’s not fair to anybody for a woman to marry a man who she isn’t sexually attracted to, a lot.
I certainly see the emotions plus thing in the work I do vs. my male counterparts. It amazes me how they can simplify and streamline things that seem very complicated to me.
I would agree a lot of this is rooted in biology and survival and how things were 1000 or even 200 years ago. Prior to gas powered engines and electricity and even the industrial revolution life was very different. Then just survival likely provided work and drama enough. There was t time to worry about self actualization or whatnot. Likewise most women spent their adult lives either pregnant or nursing, not really freed up from reproduction until menopause, if they made it that far.
I have heard women say after menopause their brain works differently. Less complex. More logical. I am curious to see someday.
Nature doesn’t usually work in ways that don’t work on some level. These differences must provide an advantage to each sex on some level. Of course today life is very “unnatural” so maybe things that served well under certain conditions in the past aren’t so good today.
I think it’s good to be honest about these drivers and to try to understand them. And to remember we’re talking about in general, not individuals. The potential is there in all women to behave certain ways, but how those things express from person to person is likely a bell curve. Outliers on both extremes and most somewhere in the middle.
Also some things are hard to even imagine. Such as losing your husband in war and then either by choice or force then pairing with a man from the enemy side. Or surviving being kidnapped and held captive for years. Or having to choose your infant’s survival or your own to evade capture. Hopefully situations none of us ever have to face! But women have and do and survive situations where I think suicide would be a tempting option.
Stephanie:
that’s just not the same as accusing good men of being willing to ACT or “seriously consider” carrying out something very evil against their wives and to harm their own wives.
Then i’ll go a step further. Good men have been not only willing to act on carrying out evil things against their wives, they in fact have done so. Many men did so all the time in the days of patriarchy. Men fornicated. They had sex with other women before and during their marriages. They visited hookers. Thomas Jefferson fathered children by at least one of his slaves after his wife died. John Kennedy carried out numerous affairs right under Jackie’s nose. Dwight Eisenhower had an emotional affair, possibly a sexual affair, with Kay Summersby, one of his aide-de-camps, despite being married at the time and remaining married to Mamie until his death.
And these are just the men we know about. These are just high profile men. The American landscape is strewn about with good men who have failed and done evil things to their wives, everywhere. Men and women who we’ll never hear about.
Good men did these things. Men who accomplished great things did these things. Men who loved their wives and children did these things. Men who sacrificed time, money, blood, sweat, tears and treasure did these things.
Because good men and bad men do bad things. Because good and bad women do bad things.
Good men do evil things to their wives ALL THE TIME. Because they’re HUMAN. Good women (and bad women) do evil things to their husbands ALL THE TIME. Because they’re HUMAN.
True Laurel, women can get much more attractive men to mate w them, at least short term, while the reverse is usually true for men who pretty much can only get signifacantly more attractive gals unless they have the money or status or something to attract a “trophy wife.” But for a 9 female to sleep w a 4 guy just because he’s available all other things being equal, she’s going to pass most cases. Hypergamy wants to mate up not down.
Some might say a cad is a guy who somehow games the system, mating w a woman above his status via trickery or false pretense.
Attractive men with options can cheat. And many of them do cheat.
What prevents attractive men with options from cheating is the same thing that prevents women from cheating: Character development and obedience to God. And that includes daily discipline, and daily reminders of the promises you made to another. Which hearkens back to what I said before – overcoming and mastering your base nature. Many men cannot do that. Many men never do that.
‘has it never occurred to you that the Bible is for the great part not meant to be taken literally?’
What’s not meant to be taken literally when it came to the serpent tempting Eve and how she rationlized being disobedient to God?
‘Some might say a cad is a guy who somehow games the system, mating w a woman above his status via trickery or false pretense. ‘
Look at all these Hollywood directors and how they do it. That’s basically cad behavior.
‘Good men do evil things to their wives ALL THE TIME. Because they’re HUMAN. Good women (and bad women) do evil things to their husbands ALL THE TIME. Because they’re HUMAN.’
It’s because they sin. What we have now is a culture where people think they don’t sin, ignore sin or do everything to celebrate it.
Where have I ever denied the need for Salvation through Grace? Though as frequently the case, nice attempt to side step things.
If only the spiritual matters as you have suggested all the damn time, you should have no issue marrying a fat, ugly virgin with a good soul.
In the here and now a man must choose
He can be good or he can be strong, but only weakness is considered good these days. Least wise for White men
To answer your question Dad, anything that is actaull fighting. No martial art who flung dung, katas and point fighting bullshit. So boxing, kick boxing, mma, ju jisitu, and don’t skip the ring time.
If what you are doing downs pose a serious risk to life and limb, it’s pretty much for chicks and has near on 0 value in the production of men
@Ton
‘If only the spiritual matters as you have suggested all the damn time, you should have no issue marrying a fat, ugly virgin with a good soul.’
Read this again. I didn’t say it ONLY matters. I place more importance on it.
https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2017/12/14/the-gift-of-a-good-man/comment-page-1/#comment-20936
I have read that most married men who cheat do so because they feel neglected at home. Sure there are men who are serial cheaters because of their own insecurities. But predominately men cheat because they no longer feel valued. I do not consider that an evil or even a bad act. Almost none of those men want to end their marriage nor hurt their wife and children.
who would father 10 children with me 😀.
……
😉
Love I think Ton may have an opening for girl 3 is what he’s implying 😉
Ton, where were you when I was 18??? 😉
Making widows and babies,, riding my Harley, jumping out of planes, getting drunk and brawling bars…. you know, bad ass man shit
Don’t have an opening slot but all men could use 10 more sons to carry on the family name
Ok earl marry a 4 or a 5 then. Until you do it’s virtual signaling and not much else
Sounds like you’ve had a wonderfully fun life Ton! Keep enjoying yourself!
When I turned 26, my aunt told me I missed the deadline. She said the prime age for pumping out babies is from 17-25. A woman’s body doesn’t bounce back as well after that, nor does she have the same kind of energy. I believe she’s right.
Apologies, late to the party.
Ton said
“Most bad boys give off a confidant persona and girls read this as the ability to commit violence on her behalf. This evolutionary drive for confident men is a drive for a man who will protect her and her offspring from other men and acquire resources for them no matter the risk to himself.”
Which is true, the biological imperitive.
Ironic that the practicality is the bad boy is a bad boy….
Because He Doesnt Give A Flying Fuck About You!!
If you become a bother, or not fun
He Will Dump Your Ass
And protect you….Hell No, thats hold I’ll hold my own beer and stand by and watch time….if HE isnt the Violence She needs Protection From.
The only guy who will risk life, limb, assets, etc. For you…
Is the white Knight Mangina…and he proves it by putting his whole life at risk
By Proposing to You.
Ahahahahahaha….I love irony.
Stephanie, I am going to speak some wisdom. Please listen.
Listen to deti. He is correct. He is doing you a favor with his warning: ““right time, right man, right circumstances, low risk of detection, very very high risk that she will cheat”” That speaks to a fundamental human characteristic. And most don’t know it is there until the “I never thought I would do that” happens. deti is not saying that you or anyone else is going to do the unthinkable tomorrow. deti is only saying that you have the potential for it. Learn from that and tuck it away in the back of your mind. deti’s “truth” is part of that larger truth that I’m sure you are familiar with. “Before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.” “What???? Never!!! I’m not that kind of guy.” Yeah, right. That experience of Peter’s is part of a larger truth still: For all have sinned … . There is none righteous … You know the drill. deti is only speaking to a part of the specifics of what you already accept (all have sinned / none righteous)
There are muliple cliches out there that speak to this, but I will use only these two: “guard your heart” and “take on the mind of Christ”. Why are such cliches necessary? Why does the marriage ceremony revolve around commitment, the promise to forsake all others? If temptation is absent, is commitment necessary? If you haven’t yet, you would do well to think through why commitment – to spouse, to child, to Christ, to those who depend on you (family, work, etc) – is such a large part of human relationships. If temptation is absent, is commitment necessary? (Or – “if temptation is present, what happens without commitment?”) Folks have been around for a long time. Long enough to have discovered the true answer to both of those questions. And so we find that commitment is a necessary part of the social fabric – because temptation WILL rear its head.
I you keep insisting that it cannot happen to you, you will be absolutely devasted when / if it catches you unawares. deti’s concern (from what I can see) is limited to warning you to not become complacent. If you truely believe it could never happen to you, you will be absolutely devasted if it catches you unawares.
We commit because temptation is there. But we won’t ever see that temptation unless ““right time, right man, right circumstances, low risk of detection, very very high risk that she will cheat”” . If you are lucky, you will never encounter the “right” stuff of deti’s quote. But I’m guessing that, if you ever do encounter it, you will be better inoculated against falling prey to it – because of deti’ words.
Definition of “virtue”: insufficient temptation.
If there is one thing that I have noticed, it is that male and female sexuality is different. Male sexuality is overt and pretty close to all species in nature. Human female sexuality is all by itself. It is covert, hidden, from start to finish and there is no equivalent in all of nature. You would think that there is a sound evolutionary reason for all this but no one has brought it to light. To bring this to the matter at hand, human female sexuality is so covert that women aren’t aware of it.
Karen Straughan tells a story in one of her older videos about Alfred Kinsey. He wrote a book about male sexuality that was well received. He wanted to write a trilogy, the second about female sexuality and the third to put it all together. The second flopped. People weren’t ready for the truth.
Finally, women are operating from an “abundance mentality”. They are acting as if there are three of four men to every woman. How they came to this, I don’t know. It is not supported by demographics. However, men are stuck in a “scarcity mentality” and it took a while to see why. For starters, forty percent of women have little to no libido. Two thirds of women are overweight to obese. Twenty five percent of women are on heavy duty psychiatric drugs. That doesn’t leave many healthy women.
Ton, you are starting to get personal with Earl.
‘Ok earl marry a 4 or a 5 then. Until you do it’s virtual signaling and not much else’
It’s virtue signalling to prefer a woman with a good attitude? Ok then. You can have all the ball busters to yourself I guess.
Besides…how many fat women do you know who have a good attitude? I have yet to meet one. I dated an overweight one once and she was constantly complaining.
A real good example of how in the old days keeping women happy and being good at being a man was baked in.
(Trigger warning humble brag coming)
One of my jobs I do for fun (still getting 100k severence) is two days a week running a stable of forty plus horses. We are moving to a new facility so right now so all of them are jumpy and nervous in new paddocks and new groups.
Mrs came with today. In 5 hours she saw me…
Stand in the middle of ten large horses fighting for grain and sort them into outdoor stalls using only a lunge line. (She bolted for the gate)
With one horse in hand jump in front of another charging the open gate. Only my voice stopped a 1200 lb animal.
Sort and move three dozen between three paddocks twice for feeding.
Haul a dozen eighty pound bales several hundred metres on my shoulders to the new paddocks.
Clean ten stalls in an hour stripped down to a sweaty t shirt.
Rescue a mourning dove from the barn cats cause she didnt want them to kill it.
Oh and most of this outside in -12 c and snowing 2 inches.
She helped by sweeping stalls and fetching water.
After we got home she made coffee and eggs for dinner and said
“You do that every day at the barn??”
I said “yup its fun and the ponies need me, it sure aint for the minimum wage.”
Since She has been coming to help on barn days she is much more cozy and flirty.
Keep in mind, I do this for fun, horses are my mission.
Any effect on her is a byproduct.
Bottom line, she sees me doing things she thinks are dangerous, hard and honourable knowing it has nothing to do with her. Knowing I do that for a cause I care about, and I say I care about her, she puts them together and gets “this guy can do scary, powerful shit and he would use it for me.
I keep saying modern life is too soft. Guys need to find a mission, exert some effort, (and not the fucking gym).
‘I keep saying modern life is too soft. Guys need to find a mission, exert some effort, (and not the fucking gym).’
Agreed.
Love said
I have read that most married men who cheat do so because they feel neglected at home. Sure there are men who are serial cheaters because of their own insecurities. But predominately men cheat because they no longer feel valued. I do not consider that an evil or even a bad act. Almost none of those men want to end their marriage nor hurt their wife and children.
Yes lots of men dont feel valued. Hell I didnt for a long time before the year of hell
But…
I had various missions of my own….writing, work, horses, the farm.
Too many men’s only mission Is Their Woman. If that goes south, they got nothin.
A mission is a buffer. If you NEED a woman you will find one.
But
If your woman complements you, not fufills you but adds to you, then you wont be as tempted to fill that unfulfilled with another.
Not a guarantee but a better shot.
Works for both sexes.
She is Not my life. A major part of it. But not the focus. Nor am I for her.
Just a thought.
Richard, I’ll just say the same as I said back when those words were said to us. It’s not “warning” us against what COULD happen… it was accusing us.
https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2017/08/28/in-praise-of-the-beta/comment-page-2/#comment-17363
And I dont have to be a cad, an asshole, chad, run Game (whatever the fuck that is anyway) etc.
Just do my thing I would do even if she wasnt here.
LOL. I suppose my 23 years of devoted wifely faithfulness will only be considered virtue if I withstand the temptation of Idris Elba or the dude who plays Aquaman in the new Justice League movie show up declaring how attractive they find 46-year-old women with a body that has popped out five babies.
You guys are too much.
“To answer your question Dad, anything that is actaull fighting. No martial art who flung dung, katas and point fighting bullshit. So boxing, kick boxing, mma, ju jisitu, and don’t skip the ring time.
If what you are doing downs pose a serious risk to life and limb, it’s pretty much for chicks and has near on 0 value in the production of men”
Ton – I just thought that your comment about STEM guys was funny because I’ve actually had to go into my STEM job with a black eye and bruised ribs on both sides. I think that my coworkers think I’m nuts because I’m the only one that I know that trains to fight. I’ve had to cover it up though if I’ve got to deal with a client, so that means eye makeup and glasses, as silly as that is. But I’ve got to keep the day job until I start my own business.
Also being married mgtow actually helps.
She KNOWS if I wasn’t married to her I would never bother with another girl.
Have no use for one.
So she makes my life easier where she can. Dont get me wrong, she can be a cast iron bitch when pissed off. But we always come back, every fucking morning, to…
I dont need to be here…neither does He\She…so do I want to be….
And we get thru the day so at bedtime the answer is Yes.
And go to sleep knowing The Question will be asked upon waking.
Elspbeth.
Aquaman??
(Sure Jason Mamoa)
But fucking Aquaman??
His superpower is he talks to fish!!!
Aaaaaaaaagggh!
Definition of “virtue”: insufficient temptation.
……
Awesome
When I was married I did my damnest never to be in a position where some one could question my fidelity. Billy Ghramm style. Nor was I alone in that endveour
As of this date, I have meet 1 woman who does the same thing. One
And anyone who says I will never…. fill inn the blank, will do that thing because they haven’t guarded themselves from it
Love, when I was just a ,little Ton of 8 years old, ( folks called me rooster back then) I heard this song
And I have been paying the cost to be the boss ever since
I get that Dad, everyone needs to make a legal living. Well almost everyone
Anyone care to refute?
Why do I look at younger women? Because I can
To get back to the original post, what I am seeing is that women aren’t about to give up the carousel. They will chase tingles up to the time they are in wheelchairs. Tht kind of tells me what I need to know.
I would say that is absolutely true that everyone should always realize they can be tempted, and to take steps to guard against it. If temptation appears, better to cut off your own hand, pluck out your own eye, never see that person again than think, “I won’t stumble.” Satan would love nothing more than to destroy a strong marriage!
People made fun of Mike Pence, but I bet they are seeing the wisdom to his not being alone with women now in the era of metoo! (Imagined or real)
Fair certain the people who made fun of Pence cannot see wisdom in any form
Ephesians 11-13: Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand.…
It really can happen to ANYONE. And I pray it never happens to any here! XOXOXOX
True Ton, well to them I say you can not school a fool, so the Book says. (I am paraphrasing.)
@Love 26 is not too late. Sure younger may be more ideal but you are far from a hopeless case! I had my first at 33, 2nd at 40. No problems at all. Not that I would recommend waiting THAT long! But like you said, sometimes life unfolds at a different pace than you had hoped…
26 is pretty young. Still plenty of time to have 10 kids. Better get your husband to start working on it!
I’m not married A Dad.
Love – My mistake. I must have assumed it based upon a discussion in another thread.
Kids are really cool though. After my son, I wish that I had more. I think that men tend to want to settle down a bit later. Part of it is because their options tend to change as they settle into a career and the traditional provider / protector role can really only be filled when a man gets to be a bit older. It’s sorta a weird place to be in after spending nearly 20 years with someone. I don’t feel that life is wasted as much as I’m not really sure what is next.
I don’t think anyone here -especially not me- claimed they were beyond a susceptibility to sin of any kind.
I do think decades (whether one decade, and certainly two or more) of faithful committed marriage is, to quote you red pill die hards, “past and current behavior indicative of future results”.
But I suppose it’s only past BAD behavior that is reliable when the subject is female.
Kids are awesome! I get along very well with them – probably because I sometimes act like one too 😀
And I love cartoons! There are so many cool ones. I actually rather watch them at the movies.
A Dad, you’re in a great place. You have your son, health, and career. I hope you enjoy the peace that comes from being out of a bad relationship. It brings so much happiness. You can spread your wings and do any and everything you have ever wanted to. You are free!
“I don’t think anyone here -especially not me- claimed they were beyond a susceptibility to sin of any kind.
I do think decades (whether one decade, and certainly two or more) of faithful committed marriage is, to quote you red pill die hards, “past and current behavior indicative of future results”.
But I suppose it’s only past BAD behavior that is reliable when the subject is female.”
You are going to find a lot of guys with a more negative outlook on the matter, especially around these parts.
Tomorrow will have the potential to snow. There is also the potential that I might get into a car accident.
Both men and women are capable of dumb shit, but the end response is normally quite different. Divorce stats are pretty good indicators of the fact that women initiate 3/4 of divorces and are said to feel less remorse, but I’d chalk that one up to men being held accountable for far more than women normally are and that women tend more often likely to come up with clever ways to rationalize their choices and pretend to be victims of something. I think that a man especially feels the pain for his family in a failed marriage, because he feels like a failure. I don’t know that women bear that burden until they begin to clearly see the side effects after several years.
My ex and I made nearly 20 years together. They weren’t all perfect but they were salvageable. It had the potential to be a wonderful marriage again, but was not because it takes two people to make a strong effort.
So what some of the guys say is likely true. Perhaps the method of delivering it is a bit extreme, but when talking about the risks involved in marrying. Well, they aren’t very good for most guys.
If you were to gamble and I told you that you had a 50% chance of losing half of your bet or doubling it, would you say that it’s good odds?
Men and women both exhibit bad behavior, for certain, but we live in a time where women have little accountability for it, and are, in fact, encouraged to behave badly. I think that’s why a lot of guys are getting tired of it. Too many protections for women and too many women taking advantage of good will from men and a system that insulates them from accountability. I don’t think that Ton was wrong when he recently said something along the lines of “domestic abuse can be nothing more than a woman being held accountable for her actions” or something to that regard. I see it a lot now. I wasn’t completely aware of it until my own marriage began to fall apart. Quite blind, in fact. What might sound like misogynist hate speech is little more than a discussion on some core problems. It’s probably hard for some people to really grasp because they’ve never had to deal with the fallout from it, but it’s real and it’s a massive problem.
I would, however, tend to agree that bad female behavior is more destructive than male behavior. with exception to far-end-of-the-spectrum narcissism and psychopathy. Most of that has to do with the accountability that I mention above (a skill taught to young men and not young women) and stoicism. And the fact that women tend to process experiences in different ways than men. That is not to say that traditional feminine behavior is inferior. Just different. Women tend to exhibit certain skills of empathy that most men lack. The irony though is that men tend to have certain features of compassion that women also lack, which tend to be biological for the sake of survival. An unrestrained woman can be merciless and cruel, more than a man at times.
So if you’ve been with your man for a decade or two. Congratulations. We were there. People change. Everyone does have the potential to screw it up somehow, but men and women seem to do it in different ways and have different feelings as a result. For today’s women, it’s often about what “you deserve”. For men, it’s often about what was promised but never given. The system of checks and balances is irreparably damaged. Most modern women don’t really have what it takes to marry, if I’m being totally honest, yet they still want it for that special “me day”. And I think that some of what Deti says about the matter is indicative of why. Completely unchecked female nature in a matriarchal world is absolutely destructive to the family and also to society as a whole.
Bad gambling analogy here when I went back to look at it, but whatever.
“Kids are awesome! I get along very well with them – probably because I sometimes act like one too 😀
And I love cartoons! There are so many cool ones. I actually rather watch them at the movies.
A Dad, you’re in a great place. You have your son, health, and career. I hope you enjoy the peace that comes from being out of a bad relationship. It brings so much happiness. You can spread your wings and do any and everything you have ever wanted to. You are free!”
Love – Anyone who can’t act like a kid sometimes is living an unfortunate life.
Life is coming together one step at a time. And though I sometimes sound grumpy, I have a lot in life to be very thankful for. Very fortunate in many ways. It has been hard work but the result has been wonderful. I’m naturally a bit cynical but I think that everyone needs to try to step back when things get bad and look at what’s excellent in their lives and how they can make tomorrow even better. I’m by no means a perfect man but want to be better with each day.
Awww that’s so sweet and inspirational ❤❤❤
A Dad,
While Elspeth may be new to RPG’s, she has been a long time commenter and blogger.
Elspeth,
The boys have seen an awful lot of bad and we may not recover from it.
Well said, A Dad. Couldn’t have said it any better myself
All women cheat. They may not, however, pull it off.
All men do not cheat. Men know that their actions and efforts are the rafters to their homes. Feminists hate this part, the part where men say, “I value my family more than my temporal pleasures.” Women can’t say that, because approximately 1% of households are sustained by female breadwinners.
I was hit on in three hours by two married woman friends and a girlfriend of a friend who is *just emerging from grief over his wife’s death.” That was last week. In the middle of the week. I’m disabled, old, and have no visible means of support, since I don’t talk about myself publicly. Granted, I am better looking than a lot of actors, but I use a cane a couple of days per week. The age differential with each encounter was +2 (neighbor), -10 (my banker, whose wife died last year), -25 (her husband encourages it, and how weird is that).
Good to see that Earl and the furrball are still talking about stuff they have never witnessed, experienced, and consequently understand. Why would they shut up and observe and participate in life for a while?
Bloom, if there is such a thing as a red pill woman in this country (I know one who is currently in Kazakhstan, and one on Martha’s Vineyard, doing her best to stay out of the news — and that’s it) she will dispense with her marriage to the government. She will also laugh her ass off every time someone says, “Oh, not all women are like that.”
Calling Deti “angry” is like calling him “infantile.” It’s a very limited construction (I didn’t say “stupid”) that his ideas and comments are irrational because he’s a guy, and he’s “angry” and not all women are like that. When you speak that way, or write that way, you’re saying: Therefore the ideas should be dismissed, because anyone who is “angry” and doesn’t understand that NAWALT, must be patronized.
You’re a 40-something divorced single mom, Bloom, who is just emerging from a weird co-habiting deal with a wack-job female whose irregularities were evident from 500 meters. Deti is a married 40-something man with a professional job and a family, making things work in a solid midwestern city. Since I don’t think you’ve been married for 20 years — an experience I recommend — it’s probably better to say, “Deti, I don’t get it.” Rather than, “Deti, NAWALT, and you sure are angry.”
Well, that is, if you’re “a red pill girl.” If you’re not, no reason to wonder why.
But seriously, the two worst cliches of Teen Vogue were (Teen Vogue is shut down) were “NAWALT” and “that guy is so stupid, he’s just angry.”
After some time away, it only took you two comments before you started insulting people, including our blog hostess.
Nice to see you again, too, BV. Look I get it that I am not perfect and never have claimed to be. I’d be the first to admit that. I don’t have all the answers, nor do I know it all. I am just doing my best to figure things out and also to help others. I could be doing worse things, no?
As for the married ladies, resist them (or tempting them) you did I hope? You must be unusually good looking to get such offers. So I get that you see a side of women many may not. I am sure like anything it’s a blessing and a curse.
We’re all wandering in the smoking wreckage here. Let’s not fight or make personal jibes, ok? General discussion is the most constructive.
Anger is a perfectly normal emotion that helps to shape who we are after we emerge from it. It’s merely a sign of displeasure. It’s probably the anger and pain that make any man a better one when he wakes up the next day.
To indicate that one is angry is not the same as calling him infantile, but using it to deflect is a way to avoid the core issue. That said, one can be angry and still be truthful. Even if one says, in anger, something that is truthful, likewise might someone else be angry about bringing the behaviors to the surface. It’s understandable that predominantly gender-specific behaviors an uncomfortable topic for some, but I believe that the practice of ignoring them only has resulted in far more damage.
The common misconception is that a man who talks about such things is simply being hateful towards all woman, but that’s not the case at all. This very concept is a reason that many men walk on eggshells to avoid angering their wives, since so many trivial things are taken personally. It’s not even wives now though, because being critical of a woman is nearly a crime now.
I tend to believe that it mostly boils down to differences in communication methods. Men and women are bordering on hardly being able to even speak to one another anymore. Beyond their interactions in passing at the market, they seem to be limited to something at one end of the spectrum between dull workplace etiquette and Tinder sex fling. And I’m not even sure why. People have just become so accustomed to spouting off long written monologues instead of focusing on real communication, Probably a result of countless hours of texting and Facebook instead of real human interaction.
“Nice to see you again, too, BV. Look I get it that I am not perfect and never have claimed to be. I’d be the first to admit that. I don’t have all the answers, nor do I know it all. I am just doing my best to figure things out and also to help others. I could be doing worse things, no?
As for the married ladies, resist them (or tempting them) you did I hope? You must be unusually good looking to get such offers. So I get that you see a side of women many may not. I am sure like anything it’s a blessing and a curse.
We’re all wandering in the smoking wreckage here. Let’s not fight or make personal jibes, ok? General discussion is the most constructive.”
-=-=-=-=-
Hell. Who isn’t looking for answers here? I think that we wouldn’t be here if we had all of the answers. Once Ton tells us the magic sex password I’m out for good. I suspect Bear would be too.
Deti and I seem to have worked thru it I’d say. As we have many times before. Acknowledging his or any guy here’s anger does not mean I am shaming it btw. I don’t doubt men are angry, and have every right to be, I acknowledged it in hopes it would help those new here understand that it’s systemic rather than think it’s “just him.” That’s all that was. Trying to facilitate the larger discussion between the sexes which as Deti points out is tenuous at best and frought w misunderstanding and reading more into it than said at worst.