Tags
breaking up, breakup, breakups, Facebook, jealousy, marriage, online dating, online stalking, social media, trust
Several couples I know in real life with a lot of strife in their relationships would do well to step away from Facebook and other forms of social media.
Why? Because in their cases rather than it being a place to truly check in on the latest from family and friends it has instead become a place to monitor the every friend, follow, and like of their beloved.
I know it may sound silly, but I truly have seen and heard spats over the most innocuous things.
I keep wondering why these people don’t simply COMMUNICATE with each other, rather than try to read the tea leaves of likes, posts, check ins and such. I mean I suppose one could like Sherlock Homes catch their partner red handed in some lie (why were you checking in at the club at 1 am when you said you were going home?) but why? I mean if you even have to have ask that type of question, isn’t that your answer?
I am sure most of these behaviors come from a place of insecurity, but to me they just come across as nails in the coffin — bad experiences rather than positive ones, accusations that will lead to less disclosure, not more.
If you find yourself Facebook stalking — stop! Stop and ask yourself why, what you are trying to find out, and if the skepticism is healthy self-protection or a warning sign of major troubles ahead.
Let those with ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Back in my dating years in my early 20s, it was MySpace. That site did help me catch a couple of scumbags in the act, that otherwise would have taken me longer to find out about. But it’s nice having someone you can trust that you don’t feel like you have to constantly check up on that kind of thing.
I see other grown couples that fight over everything through Facebook, it’s sad to see them choose to stay with people they don’t trust or can’t learn to get along with.
One of the nice things about being hterosexual White man iiver the age of 8 is no need for a facebook etc all account
Facebook is a great way to reconnect and keep in touch with people you knew in the distant past, but I think the majority of users only use it as a vehicle to check out of the present, argue and waste time. Overall, the costs outweigh the benefits. Hence, it is why I only get on FB about once a week anymore.
Posting personal information, relationship problems, and using social media for “stalking” purposes only gets you in trouble. I do agree that if you have to check every little post, like, and share there probably is something bigger going on in the relationship. I personally am insecure even being married for 2 years and together for 6 before that, I don’t know why I just am, but I definitely have gotten better than how I was 8 years ago at 18.
I deleted my Facebook two months ago and actually wrote my own post about the experience, but in short, it’s been life changing. We have more sex, deeper conversations, and fewer arguments about whether or not I’m paying attention the the show we’re watching. I have more time and energy for my actual life, now that I’ve limited my virtual one. I’d recommend full deletion to most people.
Good job Belle.
i love fb to keep up with people i care about spread out over time and space. i also love it for the fun things … like designer pages and decorator pages or things like keto-diet pages and other non-personal stuff like that.
we have a joint fb acct. my husband’s 30 something daughter made some derogatory comments about that, indicating that she’d had a convo with her family on her mother’s side about it, in a negative light, so i have blocked her and all her people from posts. they can see our fb page but not anything we post. i don’t have space or time for that kind of crap. whenever someone gets stupid, i just block them. they don’t know i’ve done it – they think i just don’t use fb. but, i’m able to see what they post (unless they block me), so i’m able to get pics of the grandkids off for my husband. i just don’t show him the stupid things they write about their mom.
it’s good for me to keep up with some local people, too, who have crazy schedules – like our neighbors who also have a sped kid – easy way to keep us up on what’s going on. we call each other for help occasionally, so that’s helpful.
oh, we like some of the comic things, too.
so basically i have adapted it for what i want and the people i want to keep up with. all the others i ‘unfollow’ so i can’t read their stuff and ‘block’ so they can’t see mine. the way i look at it is the same way i look at when the phone rings or someone knocks on my door – it’s an invitation that i can either accept … or not. if i don’t want to talk for any reason or see someone, i’m not obligated to answer the phone or open the door. if i don’t want to keep up with someone on fb, i don’t. my fb page, my choice.
‘Former Facebook exec says social media is ripping apart society’
“The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops we’ve created are destroying how society works,” he said, referring to online interactions driven by “hearts, likes, thumbs-up.” “No civil discourse, no cooperation; misinformation, mistruth. And it’s not an American problem — this is not about Russians ads. This is a global problem.”
https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/11/16761016/former-facebook-exec-ripping-apart-society
Earl…there is a discussion thread about this at Ricochet:
https://ricochet.com/481273/are-social-media-platforms-tearing-apart-societys-social-fabric/#comment-4021358
Good finds by Earl and David
Facebook is a colossal waste of time. I’ve watched people become desensitized to actual human interaction and real useful life skills as a result of being “plugged in” all of the time. Even blogging platforms like this should be used with caution.
Numerous people seem to be more preoccupied with their Facebook account than actually spending quality time with their family and loved ones. If you are with someone who gets deeply wrapped up in Facebook, look out, because it’s a pretty good sign that they are going to slowly start slipping away.
Facebook is being cited now as a leading cause of divorce (probably 1/3 of them). People get addicted to that dopamine hit and need that constant validation from their “friends” while ignoring their children and spouses. It’s become a disgusting problem. I watched my ex transform almost literally overnight after getting her first smartphone and becoming a Facebook junkie. I’ve had friends tell stories of similar situations. One guy was lucky enough to get out of a relationship when his girlfriend became such a Facebook addict that they couldn’t even go to dinner anymore without her whipping out that stupid phone and aimlessly drooling at endless drivel. He originally moved here to be with her, but ultimately cut ties with her, moved back to his home state. I say good for him.
There is also that inevitable situation where an “old flame” is going to reach out and try to break up your marriage. I think that it happens to almost everyone now. It’s way too easy.
Other junk habits are no better, really. Video games, porn, excessive drinking, etc. Social networking is another addiction like anything else, and has very silent but devastating effects.
I will never have a Facebook account.
Remember the movie Wall-e and all the people glued to their handheld devices? Steve Jobs already knew it was coming even though the iPhone and iPad had not been released (but had been conceived.)
Facebook is in any ways a self curated fantasy world. People can “look” like they have it all together, rather than actually do the work needed to really have it all together.
It’s the playground of sociopaths or dark triads especially. A gal I know of, ex- friend of a friend, pathological liar and convicted ID their (spent several years in jail) just recently used Facebook to fake having cancer, complete with a go fund me! I guess people just automatically believe “victims” but it was clearly obvious to me she simply gave herself a short crew cut, with chemo the hair actually falls out at the cuticle. But people bought it, rushed in to help!
issac asimov predicted all this in the 60s.
Drinking is an addiction? Fuck you;)
How fucked up is your product if an former shot caller is tearing it up? Damn
“Drinking is an addiction? Fuck you;)”
—–
I’m not criticizing others. I’ve been drinking way too much, especially since I’ve been alone for the holidays. I just think that I’ve been at my best when I’ve nixed the booze completely. I mean, I’m lifting heavier than ever even though I supplement it with a heavy dose of alcohol later in the day.
‘I mean, I’m lifting heavier than ever even though I supplement it with a heavy dose of alcohol later in the day.’
I like a good beer or two after a heavy lifting session but in the long run I’ve found it starts to cut your energy for future workouts if you drink too much.
A group of us guys are going to engage in this for 3 months starting Jan. 1. Under the asceticism part one of them is giving up alcohol. I can’t remember the last time I went 3 months between drinks.
https://exodus90.com/about/
I will also say this though…I got a head start on the cold showers this month, while it’s never pleasant…I’ve grown to like them.
Earl, I stick to most of those things just as life habits. I don’t watch TV, and even though I have to work on a computer a lot I tend to balance it with pretty regular workouts every day, throughout the day. So I’m at more of an advantage through low-volume but heavy strength exercises throughout the day. I’ve got to stop drinking though and get back into more cardio to get in the best possible shape. The drinking is holding me back. Not bad. Just not my best. It’s become far more than a “beer or two” for me lately. It used to be a “beer or two” when I was spending more time in a gym.
Yeah I just started up the cardio again at the beginning of the month to add to the heavy lifting…it took about three weeks before I started to see any results in the belly fat region, but once it did it made quite a difference. I hate running though…so I have to do things to not make it boring, like fast sprints between short walks.
The real challenge will be after the first of the year where I can’t have a beer to end the day. I’ll have to do something else to occupy my time, I think that’s the point though.
I have never seen a decrease in strength from drinking. Heavy would fuck up my running and shit after I hit about 34 or so but I was near on a 1/5th a night guy when I was in a Ranger Batt. I was doing 3-4 shots a night when I squatted 843
Course I never drink beer. Well not since I was 8 or so and that’s probably a huge difference
facebook is a benign tool. obviously there are a lot of people not capable of handling such a tool.
“… instead become a place to monitor the every friend, follow, and like of their beloved.”
That’s because they are not “beloved” to, or of, each other.
I have a friend on marriage #2, seven-eight years in now. She and her husband have separate FB accounts. (She had a catastrophic affair for two years about year five.) They are an interesting case study.
They do not — either of them — have a single photo on either account that includes both of them. There is not a single photo of their home, a party at their home, a group photo of their blended family. There isn’t a single holiday photo. She just posts professional stuff and hippy-dippy yoga-spiritual stuff. He seems to think his career as a broker will improve if he posts hippy-dippy left-wing cliches. (I think he’s trying to talk to his wife via FB and tell her he’s socially progressive enough to screw, but I’m not sure because he is too scared of me to talk to me.)
Anyway, calling married people “beloved” requires a situation in which people marry out of love and respect, or at least, respect. That is not how it works these days. FB reveals immediately what married people are about.
Contrary to most, I like FB in order to keep up with some intellectuals I’ve never met personally, and who kindly ‘friend’ me so I catch everything they publish. I avoid trying to be a third-rate pundit, or comment on anyone who is there to get the anger-outrage machine spooled up. I never discuss personal issues other than an occasional photo of me and my children, which I typically delete after I sober up. Basically, I think the same discretion that one would use talking with a mild acquaintance on a city street is helpful to FB usage, imo.
But “beloved?” FB commoditizes and exposes relationships.