With my roommate suddenly single, I have recently been giving break up advice. So I thought as long as I am sharing it, may as well share it here too.
Much of this I learned when my own relationship ended with little warning, leaving me single with two kids and no explanation or willingness to work things out from the other side. I was devastated, to say the least. It was horrible.
Somehow I found a website (https://lovesagame.com) about breakup recovery that was a Godsend during that dark time. I highly recommend every article on it!
This infographic from there sums breakup recovery strategy much better than I can:
Another thing the site suggested was to not focus on what the OTHER person is doing/thinking/feeling, and to focus on your OWN recovery.
Let’s face it, break ups suck. But they can also serve as a huge growth experience and an opportunity to craft the life you want. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
What do you think? Do you have any break up coping tips? Advice for the recently single? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
@earl just as the prevalace of black on white racism is the dirty little secret of the civil rights movement. The denial of male on male violence (the only exception being proxy violence on a woman’s behalf) and bullying (which is emotional rape) is the dirty little secret of the MHRM. Indeedit is one of the fatal flaws of the Red Pill Theory that serves to discredit not only the Red Pill Concept but the MHRM at large.
@earl just as the prevalace of black on white racism is the dirty little secret of the civil rights movement. The denial of male on male violence (the only exception being proxy violence on a woman’s behalf) and bullying (which is emotional rape) is the dirty little secret of the MHRM. Indeedit is one of the fatal flaws of the Red Pill Theory that serves to discredit not only the Red Pill Concept but the MHRM at large.
from what you’ve written, i’m guessing it’s not so much about being willing to always live on the edge (as some of you have done) as it is being willing to live beyond safe … ‘enough’ of the time to make a difference … or when it counts. like being alpha enough … being willing enough to face oneself, see ourselves for who we are, and being willing to step up to the edge and even go over when necessary.
I think of the lyrics to A Great Big World and want to scream at people to just do something … say something … anything … be willing to take a risk! be willing to fail! it’s better than doing NOTHING! it’s not that one has to do EVERYthing … just please do SOMEthing that moves you forward and stop bitching about it if you won’t even try.
A Great Big World Lyrics
Play “Say Something”
on Amazon Music
“Say Something”
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I… will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-Ooh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/greatbigworld/saysomething.html
‘She’s learning “the look” and Dancer is learning how to be a mom instead of a pal.’
My dad always told me…’I’m your father, not your friend.’ That’s how you parent your children.
Ist ok Els because what is going on is feminist virtue signalling an attempt to dumb down the honorable terms of manhood into something easy to achieve
I say Stoics and the feminist immediately turns that classic masculine behaviour into something negative.
From that point forward you know you are dealing with some version of feminist
/ man with very weak frame
‘Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions; the philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason (logos). A primary aspect of Stoicism involves improving the individual’s ethical and moral well-being: “Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature.” This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; “to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy,” and to accept even slaves as “equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature.’
Stoicism only deals with the natural…hence it’s about things in nature and human relationships and preventing destructive emotions. It doesn’t go into the spiritual realm and deal with things like sin and what the will of God is. Self-control and fortitude are great virtues to posses in order to overcome temptations to sin.
There is nothing in the Stoic philosophy or creed that sustains DD’s statement: “Stoicism the repression of emotions required by our society [sic] has long been proven medically and psychologically to be harmful to men.”
It’s a dimestore corruption of Marcus Aurelius or Seneca to assert that either counsels the “repression of emotions”. Stoicism is a coherent pre-Christian philosophy of humillity and dignity in the face of larger forces.
In common usage “stoic” might mean diffident, circumspect, disciplined, calm, and the like. In classical Stoic thought, however, there is a profound philosophical underpinning of acceptance, of recognition of the smallness, and independence, of men and their travails, and the uncaring outside world in which they traveled. There is no “repression of emotions”; Stoicism teaches the transcendence of pointless emotion. Big difference.
DD is doing a Dr. Phil session here telling men to let all the anger and sorrow spill forth, and he’s talking about stuff he doesn’t understand. (But isn’t that what the internet is for?!?!)
Since the OP is about moving on from a broken relationship, and some of us are Christian and some of us are Viking Berserkers, and one of us is Dr. Phil, this notion of acceptance, and it’s attendant humility, is useful when you’re crawling around in the dark on broken glass.
I do think men who understand stoicism, are like that because they’ve learned that it is the best way to survive in this world – especially if you’re a man.
I just told my older son today about how cruel women can be – even if they aren’t really meaning to (rejection… nuclear rejections even). I gave him an example from when my husband and I were dating and we had a misunderstanding, and I didn’t really realize how much my part of the misunderstanding really hurt him.
When you’re a young woman and dating you mostly only think of yourself, even if you may be mostly kind… you don’t realize how painful rejections are for men, or misunderstandings where the object of his love and desire wants to “take a break” (my words back then).
Men have to guard their hearts from being broken over and over again. My son seemed to understand… but I’ll be there for him when that happens.
Stephanie – Kinda interesting how we have grown up talks with our young kids. Completely different than most people. I also had a few talks with the kid about relationships, and also discussed and things recently about school and indoctrination / skewed truths and flat out lies, especially about gender and politics.
Jordan Peterson got me thinking about that in his recent video. Maybe we need to take back education by talking about truth relatively early, prompting them to reject what they hear, rather than waiting for someone else to try to teach the wrong messages or flat out removing our children from schools?
I think having those really deep talks at a young age is crucial. It’s how my parents both raised me so I guess you can say I am biased… but I am so grateful for it, too! I understood I think a lot more at a younger age than my peers… and sometimes more than women older than me (which was different lol).
In the end, your son and my sons and daughter – they’ll all have to decide for themselves what to do and if they’ll be morally upright. The Bible does say to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he won’t depart from it,” but it’s also true that they have their own free will, and can choose to fall away from the faith.
But giving your son honesty about life and women (and men), that’s such a beautiful gift in my opinion, and one he’ll probably be very grateful for someday.
“Jordan Peterson got me thinking about that in his recent video. Maybe we need to take back education by talking about truth relatively early, prompting them to reject what they hear, rather than waiting for someone else to try to teach the wrong messages or flat out removing our children from schools?”
I love that man. And yea, he’s right.
The leftists, or feminists (or socialists… all their names for the same thing lol) may call that “indoctrination,” but my reply to that is “Hell, yes!”
Of course I’m going to teach my children about our faith and religion, along with morality lol.
But teaching your son how to think for himself… how to see an argument presented, and be able to pick out where their logic doesn’t add up, that is INVALUABLE to him in the future in combating society’s lies and half-truths.
at this age my girls roll their eyes at me and say, “I know, Mom. You’ve told me that all.my.life!” 🙂
When I was finally out of the house… I swear I would hear my mom’s advice and wisdom constantly and at every turn!!! It was hilarious and something enjoyed telling her was happening at the time ❤
Your girl’s will probably start hearing your words of advice and wisdom by default, Ame ❤ So awesome how that happens.
Definitely hope I leave that legacy to mine.
thank you, Stephanie 🙂
that warms my heart .. that’s what i long for – not only that they will hear it but that they will want to 🙂
Great Ame 🙂 I’m up late anyway sewing a button back on to my husband’s sport jacket for a fancy thing tomorrow.
I don’t know why… but I actually get so much pleasure from little things like this … just sewing on a button for him that fell off.
Somehow, the little things are romantic to me. ❤
i introduced a friend of mine to TRP and the concept of ‘next’ … that guy got that down. everytime i hear from him he’s got another list of women he’s seeing … i can’t keep up … his high school niece has started calling him Pimp Daddy!
A new post at Spawny’s there is
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/01/06/slut-status/
Nice
Good to see BV weigh in on the matter of Stoicism
St Paul was well acquainted with Stoicism but I doubt you understand any fraction of masculinity or the masculine nature of Paul, Christ or the Almighty Himself
I was watching the Andy Griffin Show last night with the girls. Goober wanted to go fishing but can’t get the time off from his filling station so Goobers girl says she will fill in for him so he can go.
That’s a girl for the ages right there but you know it’s a tv show
Ton, I always had a tangled relationship with Mrs. Smith, but when I was fucked up a few years ago she flew out to keep me company in the hospital, then she flew back to DC and supervised the pack-and-move of my condo, while I lay in bed with my morphine clicker. Later in the year, on my first visit back to DC to visit, I had to go to the hospital again (bleeding) and she took care of *everything*. Just matter-of-fact, “we’re doing this, you sit still”, no drama-rama.
Now, she is a royal pain in the day-to-day; you never know which version is going to show up, and she can turn on a dime. But I do admire a woman who keep her shit together when times are legitimately tough, and the world would be a better place if the occasional favor, or even a plate of steak and eggs, were on offer. Or a girl saying, “I’ll cover your shift.” We cover for our women every day. Every single day. If a man finds a woman who reciprocates, and good luck!, he’s got something to work with.
Something relevant for the conversation upthread:
We don’t respond to what is. What we respond to what is perceived.
What determines what we perceive? What we are born with and what we are taught that filters incoming stimuli are two large determinantes.
————-
Short version: if you percive that Ton (or anyone) can know enough through the internet to accurately describe you with a few short words, something is wrong with your perception.
But then again, there is a reason why cliches exist (because they are true) and it is true that personality types are close enough that they can be clustered into groups. So it is possible to make generalizations about personality traits that have been exhibited. So there’s that too.
So – how about this: Ton isn’t describing any person. He is describing the cliche or personality type that the statments represent. We cannot really know people all that well through the internet. But we can know statement types. If you keep making certain kinds of statements, folks develop certain attitudes about you as a person.
That is even true for Ton. For all we know, he is a 37-year-old skinny black dude holed up in his grandmother’s basement (cause he don’t know where his mother is) – who has learned that consistency of speech can create on online “personality”. We don’t respond to “who is is” (cause we can’t know that), we respond to what he says. Just like he is responding to what you say.
If what you say demonstrates a lack of experience in the real word, expect folks who have lived in the real world to comment on that. (O, wait; each of us have different real worlds, so that doesn’t work either.)
The best thing the internet is for is for folks to say “this is what happened to me; this is why I think it happend; and this is how I responded”. That gives folks a chance to compare notes. When you run into someone who seems to have had an experience similiar to yours, you can compare notes and maybe say “hey, this is what I thought was the cause of a similar situation, and this is how I responded”.
Building up a database of knowledge around similar experiences. The internet works best for that. Works less well for figuring out personality types and character flaws.
Happy New Year everybody.
Works less well for figuring out personality types and character flaws [for individual people we interact with on the internet].
Well, that’s 60,000 pounds of post-modern bullshit. We reveal ourselves in our words and deed. Ton has done so. you are about 50 miles out of line.
“That is even true for Ton. For all we know, he is a 37-year-old skinny black dude holed up in his grandmother’s basement (cause he don’t know where his mother is) – who has learned that consistency of speech can create on online “personality”. We don’t respond to “who is is” (cause we can’t know that), we respond to what he says. Just like he is responding to what you say.”
This is a disgusting calumny.
Once, lomg ago at j4g, one day I worried What if I was talking to one schizophrenic person? Lol. I believe Ton responded, “Put down the bong, darling” or some such. Of course we don’t know who anyone is! P.s. there was no bong, for the record!
Ain’t that surprising BV cause she never seemed the type but folks can surprise you on occasion
I took no offense at what RP wrote
in this piece from psychology today on why american teenagers are anxious, they didn’t flat-out say that wives shouldn’t rule the roost, but they’re in the ballpark:
10. Family hierarchies are out of whack.
Although kids give the impression that they’d like to be in charge, deep down they know they aren’t capable of making good decisions. They want their parents to be leaders—even when there is dissension in the ranks. And when the hierarchy gets muddled—or even flipped upside down—their anxiety skyrockets.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201711/10-reasons-american-teenagers-are-more-anxious-ever
BV said: “…If a man finds a woman who reciprocates, and good luck!, he’s got something to work with.”
Woo Hoo…I found gold. Right now she’s making a stew and later on will probably sand the callous’ off’n my feet and rub some essential oils on them. The later, off to mom&dad time. (practice makes perfect or something).
I almost feel bad for taking her of the market over thirty years ago. But then I remember: To the victor goes the spoils. 🙂
It’s good to be king.
People are hierarchical beings and yes most feel more secure/ are more happy under the benevolent dictatorship of strong men
I never blow weed. You never know how long it stays in your system, and I get tested randomly.
‘St Paul was well acquainted with Stoicism but I doubt you understand any fraction of masculinity or the masculine nature of Paul, Christ or the Almighty Himself’
I’m still waiting for you to enlighten me on their masculine nature.
I talk about it all the time earl. You just hide behind your canned replies and fake moral superiority
That’s what I thought.
You’d say.
Earl, you’re out of your league.
Gentleness requires strength because without the strength to break something any so-called “gentleness” with it is nothing more than demonstrated weakness.
If you can’t seduce another man’s wife because you’re a repulsive gamma or a keyboard warrior who is scared of women, your moral posturing about not doing so is meaningless. However, when you’re masculine and dominant enough that the other man’s wife is the one trying to seduce you and you rebuff her, you demonstrate your moral values because you had the option of going either way.
Without the option of doing what is wrong, your claim of choosing to do what is right is a lie.
As to masculinity, here’s Paul’s testimony about what kind of a man he was (2 Cor 11:23-28):
in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches.
Ever been beaten with a rod, Earl? Or with a scourge? How about just getting the shit kicked out of you in a street fight? How many beatings do you think you could take before you pitched in the towel and called it quits, knowing full well that the end of the road was execution if you kept it up?
Do you have any clue what it takes to be a leader of men? To have the masculinity, strength, clarity of vision and dominance that men willingly drop what they’re doing, quit their livelihood and follow you? Masculinity doesn’t come close to describing it, but it’s a good start. Can you comprehend what kind of man Christ had to have been?
Or do you put it down to some sort of Heavenly Jedi mind trick?
Christ came on a mission, which was to do the will of the father. His Father’s will was for Him to climb up on a cross and die as a perfect sacrifice. That took the kind of strength you can only fantasize about. He had what it took to identify His men and they willingly put their lives in His hands when He *told* them to follow Him. Could He have ignited a conventional war and won? I think yes, but that wasn’t His mission. His mission was to die in a cruel and humiliating fashion and He accomplished His mission.
And because Christ had the strength to do that, when He comes back it won’t be like it was last time, He will be the Lion of the Tribe of Judah and He’ll be cleaning house. His words will kill and He will kill people as He breaks the nations with a rod of iron. He will sit in judgment on His so-called servants and I imagine that quite a few will be beaten, bound and cast into the outer darkness.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/01/08/im-worth-it/
brilliantly articulated.
lol I dropped some great marine jokes and Toad elected to show up for this
Damn
Ton, different chapters of the same club. We’re cool. You want air support, HMU
Well Toad you have a good understanding of what it is. That’s what I was looking for from the other big talker…not some posturing of “I talk about it all the time but I’m not going to tell you” nonsense.
However Toad, you wouldn’t be the one would disagree with my posts without any reasonable refute. The big talker wouldn’t ever give one except that anyone who disagrees with his world view is some form of a lesser man.
Earl you arent a lesser man then me because we disagree. I have a long internet track record of disagreeing with men in the man o sphere and still offering them much respect.
You are a lesser man then me all on your own. Mostly because you haven’t grown as a man since you were posting as tatter
I have spoken on these topics for years and years. Same opinions over and over again. I dislike repeting myself on top of having a growing family, to tend too, a farm with 80k chickens to keep safe during what is for us extreme cold weather, , about 50 head of cattle to tend to, a solar farm deal i am working on, a 30% share in a manufacturing plant, around about 100 employees in 4 counties, bikes to ride, trucks to work on, my own personal writing and reading to accomplish, a home to maintain, fish to catch…… What makes you think I owe it to you to take time out of my insanely busy life to type out a long ass reply to you when i have said these things for 5 plus years? ….. Other then your self righteous special snow flake status?
I don’t owe you a damn thing. No one does. You want respect? Grow a set of balls and act like a mature man who has done some shit and seen some shit
Damn, Ton. Who knew that you were actually “The Most Interesting Man in the World?”
a lot of us … well, perhaps not THE Most (mine is pretty awesome and never ceases to surprise and amaze me 😉 ) … but, certainly one of the most 😉
This is much easier said than done…
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Thanks so much for sharing this! Must better than my post unfortunately… My main piece of advice is to accept how you feel, don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad or unhappy and accept that those emotions are part of the healing process. Also, treating yourself! Whether that’s to a new hair cut or handbag, or maybe splurging on a coffee or a meal out (I’m quite happy doing things on my own, so treating myself to a nice lunch out is hugely satisfying!) Also, something I’ve never been good at is ‘learning’ from the experiences. In the past I’ve been so bitter and angry about break-ups and it’s so poisoning. Now I’ve learnt to accept that the relationship had many good moments, but remind myself of the negatives and the reasons why I didn’t work out, and learn to move on with those points in mind.
This is great and I’m so glad your writing about it. I totally believe in out of sight out of mind so it hit home when you mentioned to handle all the affairs right away, get rid of their stuff and go no contact. It really speeds up the healing process. For me, I had to cut off all contact with the whole family also. It helped me a lot.