I would wish this was obvious, but based on my outside observations of several friends navigating the dating market, it apparently isn’t — finding someone who likes YOU should be a baseline.
Instead they are with guys who roll their eyes, make comments behind their backs, and are so obviously not into THEM it’s not funny.
Sure these guys like the easy and available sex, stretching things out for months or even years, but sadly it’s clear they really don’t like or value the PERSON they are having that sex with. So much so they show up at the last minute possible and split as soon as they can. More than not.
Granted, no story is one sided. Perhaps these gals aren’t demonstrating value outside the bedroom. Maybe they are putting all their eggs in one basket. Maybe there is no there-there otherwise?
Now, if you want to be more than a booty call or hook up, of course step one is be likable. Don’t be bs drama. Don’t play all sorts of tiring games. Add value to the overall. Add more than. Be a gal worth committing to.
And then, after making sure you are all you can be, find someone who likes YOU. Not someone who likes having easy sex with you. But someone who actually likes YOU.
Don’t kid yourself either. If they are leaving as soon as they can, every single time, something is wrong. Even if they toss crumbs to keep you on the line, don’t fool yourself.
Its hard to face the truth, but the truth can also set you free. Free to spend that time with someone who likes YOU.
That’s the good stuff. Low drama and low angst relationships may not be the fodder of romance novels or rom cons but in real life that’s the equation I see working for the couples that really work.
Let those who have ears hear.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I do like the new (old stuff) and I AM glad you’re bringing it out again for women.
“I have NO inkling of an idea about what anyone said about Lori’s book. Nor have I defended anyone who criticized Lori’s book. Lies. Color me clueless. Lies.”
It’s sad to see you lie about that… the internet is forever…. Your posted under the name “Terry” back then, but she let me know it was you (which I already was aware of).
http://thetransformedwife.com/the-time-i-was-never-nearly-raped/
Again, I’m glad you’re re-posting the old stuff, since it’s been lost effectively with Alte shutting the blog down. It does help women, as Lori’s proved over the years.
It’s sad to see you lie about knowing who Elizabeth is (STMA) as she also let me know you were good friends and had read each other’s blogs extensively. Why would someone lie about that – I don’t get it.
Thank you, Stephanie, for clarifying what you were referring to, although I fail to see how it proves I was lying about anything. It proves the exact opposite, really.
That entire dialog was about looking up people’s personal information and going after them or doxxing them. My part was not at all about Lori’s book. But again, thank you for the link so that anyone who is interested can verify for themselves. “Lying”, LOL…
Secondly, thank you for reminding me how dangerous it is to get into disagreements with women on the Internet. And for reminding me that despite how interesting I find the conversations, it is not worth the trouble it can cause me to rub the wrong people the wrong way.
You see, I have never (NEVER NOT ONCE) looked up anyone online based on blog curiosity or anything like that. It just hasn’t occurred to me, even when they left nasty comments on my blogs
People have every right to like me or not, agree with me or not, or whatever so long as they respect my right to the same. I don’t threaten people, I don’t doxx people, I frankly, just don’t care enough beyond the academic exercise of honing my thoughts and views and solidifying why I think what I think.
Which is the only reason why I commented on that post about that topic. I haven’t read Lori’s book, and I didn’t know the woman in question’s name was Elizabeth. You would be stunned at the minuscule number of people I have had nonpublic dealings with in my time blogging. I could count them on my fingers. Literally.
Wow.
It’s sad to see you lie about knowing who Elizabeth is (STMA) as she also let me know you were good friends and had read each other’s blogs extensively. Why would someone lie about that – I don’t get it.
If she told you that… I don’t know why. We had a few dialogs on our respective blogs because she disagreed with what I had to say about submission. We are not friends, at all. Never were. Never could be.
I am quite frankly stunned, although I shouldn’t be, really. Why this stuff continues to surprise me, I don’t know.
But thanks for the reminder. Really.
Deti…it’s been real, my cantankerous friend.
BV, I apologized if it was too personal – so please don’t be disrespectful. I also explained my motivation: to understand how one remained sane in an unhappy abusive marriage. If you didn’t like my question, then you didn’t have to respond.
“My part was not at all about Lori’s book”
You supported and defended a women you already knew (who you just denied knowing), writing a fake review to harm another Christian woman’s book sales. And now you’re playing Obama’s (or Democrats’) game of “Deny Deny Deny.”
It’s sad….
You also posted at the same timeframe where a BUNCH of women online were laughing about reporting me to CPS to get my kids taken away. The Practical Conservative was one of them… another of your online friends.
http://twobirdsstone.wordpress.com/2016/11/14/thinking-godly-women-dont-belittle-is-an-error/#comments
That thread was only a little while after the other one where all the commenters that you loved commenting on their blogs were discussing calling CPS on me.
“disrespectful”
And don’t you still comment there agreeing with those very ugly women who attack Lori nearly every week?
I think if I checked the recent comments, your name would pop up again contributing to the women who do stuff like that (which I think of as Satanic).
Yes, The Practical Conservative was a fellow contributor to a blog I wrote posts on a few years ago. We had a good time over there at TC. I fully admit that I have a long and friendly history with her. I don’t deny that. You see, as in real life, I don’t have to agree with someone on every point of fact or opinion to get along with them.
As for the CPS thing…I don’t recall that, and the link you offered doesn’t support the accusation. That was my position (which I still stand by unequivocally) that a woman cannot save her husband from adultery or his soul from Hell. I do get sick at the implication.
Where were you mentioned that I supported and laughed at you? I would like to be reminded of it, since I don’t catalog links (like some people) or remember every comment I ever left anywhere. Help me out here.
And yes, I deny any friendship with STMA.
Yes… you apparently do still comment there. Mocking the manosphere men online….
http://twobirdsstone.wordpress.com/bird-watching/bird-watching-january-2018/comment-page-2/#comment-4266
“How many times did you betray, lie to, beat, ridicule, punish your wife? Answers should be respectful. Otherwise, be silent.”
If you read correctly, you would have seen I said that the link was posted only a short time after the other one (that I haven’t posted) where they were talking about reporting to me for FALSE things I never did to CPS.
So it showed you were probably still reading there (hence the time frame of your comment chiming right in with the other super critical women), and just decided not to comment on them reporting me for false allegations of neglecting my kids.
And don’t you still comment there agreeing with those very ugly women who attack Lori nearly every week?
I don’t comment there regularly. But when I am mentioned, I comment, and my posts were mentioned twice in recent weeks.
Let me help you out. As far as Internet denizens go, I am steadfastly loyal to about 3 people.
I comment where i will unless my husband objects or one of the 3 aforementioned people would be hurt or offended by it. Lori might be a wonderful person, but she is not on that list.
So it showed you were probably still reading there (hence the time frame of your comment chiming right in with the other super critical women), and just decided not to comment on them reporting me for false allegations of neglecting my kids.
A lot of people read there who don’t agree with everything written. Including you, apparently. What does “reading there” prove?
Mychael is on that short list though…
I’m done. I could kick myself, but I suppose I asked for this…
“Yes, The Practical Conservative was a fellow contributor to a blog I wrote posts on a few years ago. We had a good time over there at TC. I fully admit that I have a long and friendly history with her. I don’t deny that. You see, as in real life, I don’t have to agree with someone on every point of fact or opinion to get along with them.”
I think who you are friends with says a lot about you. And bad company corrupts good people.
The Practical Conservative also viciously made fun of me for gaining weight after my dad had that stroke.
Just a very nasty woman. And from your other comments which have apparently now disappeared over there, her attitude certainly did affect you in how you viewed and treated others.
“I’m done. I could kick myself, but I suppose I asked for this…”
I do forgive you and think you’re generally a VERY good person. I don’t know why you would say you are close friends with someone who thought it’d be funny to report me to CPS, which thankfully nothing ever came of that if she did do it (I have no idea).
But calling me a liar for remembering these things as I experienced them is hard to take. It’s all there in black and white (except when Stone has decided to delete comments).
Perhaps let things cool down people should
“long friendly [blogging] relationship” does not equal “close friends”. I think our definitions of “close friends” are very, vastly different.
She is not on my short list, LOL.
Yes, Master Yoda. Good advice that is.
Y’all enjoy the rest of your day.
Soooooooo what do women do to earn the respect of men? Can they drop a running hajjis at 275 matters with iron sights and incoming fire? Can they drag a deer through a swamp and into deer camp? Can they squat 600 pounds more then they weigh? Hike up and down the Hindu Kush with more gear then they weigh? Winter and summer? Can she rebuild my 390 and put a six pack on it? Re roof 3 houses in the NC August heat?
Mostly I see women wanting respect for mundane shit like having a job and owning a house. Lame
the moment that I told her that I wasn’t going to leave and was sticking with the family she “won” and then started abusing the situation even more.
…….
Yup. Which is why I say a vow to never leave her only encourages them to shit on you.
“Yup. Which is why I say a vow to never leave her only encourages them to shit on you.”
This is where the problem is. The Bible actually requires the permanent commitment, but it sure as hell isn’t exclusive on the man’s part, only on the woman’s part. That’s a part of the Bible the feminists can’t deal with, there is a double standard for men and women because men and women are not equal in any way.
What’s worse than kicking her to the curb? Keeping your vow, preserving the marriage, moving her into the garage and a new wife into your bed. Very publicly. No vows are broken, the family isn’t broken up and the kids are still raised by their biological mother and father, but if she crosses the line often enough and far enough, she gets a triple scoop of permanent shaming and on top of that has to deal with wife #2 going forward.
The church banned multiple wives for political reasons and once that was baked into the culture, it gave women a monopoly. Monopolies always lead to trouble. The vow to never leave her is correct, but nothing stops a man from giving her some competition.
Buena Vista – I’ve observed in a few comments that you have made to me that you’ve misinterpreted what I’ve said and assumed I had negative motivation towards you or men in general. I’m not gunning at you. My interest here is to learn. However, you remind me of the reason why I came here. I met a man in real life who talked about the red pill. It opened my eyes to something I never knew about. Yet he was very jaded by his experience with women that he took anything I said out of context. He seemed easily provoked … Quick to jump at my every word. Assuming I had malicious intent. I’m sorry about what he or you or others have experienced. Yet I did not cause that pain nor was I involved in it.
I didn’t qualify it with “usually” or “most of the time” because, candidly, it gets tiresome having to address the NAWALT and IANLT responses.
i can relate 😉
it’s why i take a break from the manosphere sometimes and don’t read a lot of the stuff men post out here. what y’all write is necessary, it just gets tiresome having to tell myself that i’m not all-bad just b/c i’m a woman 😉
i hate what’s going on out there. i hate people getting hurt, men getting hurt. i’m thankful there’s a place where y’all can tell your stories, share notes, encourage one another, tell the truth. i’m thankful you are willing to share your stories in a platform where i’ve been able to read them and learn and make adjustments in my own life, marriage, mothering, being a woman. it’s made me a better wife, mother, person … and it’s given me countless lessons and ways to teach and train my own daughters.
as my therapist told me years ago, just b/c my dad and ex did bad things does not mean all men do. they are/were just two men. i am so very thankful my now-husband gives my girls a great example of a man, and i’m thankful for all the stories and teaching out here so i can articulate and train my daughters well.
“My interest here is to learn. However, you remind me of the reason why I came here. I met a man in real life who talked about the red pill. It opened my eyes to something I never knew about. Yet he was very jaded by his experience with women that he took anything I said out of context. He seemed easily provoked … Quick to jump at my every word. Assuming I had malicious intent. I’m sorry about what he or you or others have experienced. Yet I did not cause that pain nor was I involved in it.”
—————
Love – You should consider talking about it. Sounds like an interesting discussion.
A Dad, do you mean talk to the guy I met in real life about it? Honestly I gave up. I was interested in getting to know him. I tried to understand his point of view. Yet I got tired of my words being twisted and everything turning into an argument. I just wanted to keep things light and fun yet somehow things always went downward with us. Perhaps it wasn’t a good match.
Love – It seems that “Red Pill” can mean like a billion things now. I think that most people here use it in the terms of dating / marriage / sex / etc. I do that but also have interest in the political perspective. In my case, for instance, I am an advocate for father’s rights. Not really even dating yet.
In general, it’s a term applied to circumstances where you’ve been told one thing, perhaps believed it, but come later to find out that maybe it wasn’t entirely true if not an outright lie.
Not sure what the circumstance was with the guy that you met. Lots of people dealing with different circumstances, trying to make sense of it. I try not to take things said around here too personally, but even I am dealing with working out a few things in life. It’s pretty easy for people to say hurtful things to people that they don’t know.
About the guy you met. It’s interesting that it prompted you to research this, and you’ve stuck around for a bit, in spite of the fact that things didn’t work out so well.
I’m with you Toad, not to mention. No prohibition against a man using his pimp hand
Thanks A Dad. I am appreciative that he introduced me to the topic. I do agree with a lot of the opinions/POVs here. And I think its an area that definitely needs more awareness.
moving her into the garage
i’m guessing that wouldn’t include a budget for a designer and remodel?! 😉
And … the commonplace Rollo/Deti RP thesis validated once more: it’s pointless to discuss RP with women. When contradicted they simply go to “I’m sorry you’re so damaged, poor baby”. Men become red pill and overt in their opinions precisely because they’ve been gaslighted in this fashion since birth.
“I’m sorry you’re so damaged, poor baby”
there’s got to be a balance between compassion and being tough. with my aspie girl and all her stuff, especially when she was little (and it *was* so.much.stuff. back then), i had to figure out how to be compassionate with her but also teach her to toughen up and suck it up and move on. i think that’s hard for us women sometimes, to cover both sides of that coin. it’s been hard for me, but i knew i had to do it for her. so i taught my girls that everyone has *some* thing, and *this* is their something, so suck it up and move on. take your five seconds to wallow in pity, but that’s about all you get cause life doesn’t care. to be honest that broke my heart a lot, but i didn’t let my girls know that. and when my daughter would complain that it’s harder for her (and it often has been and still is) i just tell her that yes, it is harder for her, but God also made her smarter than most to deal with it.
it felt like i was going against my nature a lot. i wanted to just cuddle her and protect her from the big, bad world.
i think this is one of the many reasons why dads are so needed – they provide this balance naturally.
BV:
it’s pointless to discuss RP with women. When contradicted they simply go to “I’m sorry you’re so damaged, poor baby”. Men become red pill and overt in their opinions precisely because they’ve been gaslighted in this fashion since birth.
I guess the prime reason I keep doing this is to remind myself of how pointless it is.
“sorry you’re so damaged” is just shaming language.
Love:
When you kick a dog enough times, he stops trusting his owner and will eventually not trust humans. He’ll eventually bite someone.
That’s what is happening to men now. Candidly, we don’t trust women. And we have good reason not to. I will no longer consider a woman more trustworthy or less prone to take advantage of me simply because she’s a woman. And yet, women have told us for decades exactly this – that women are more trustworthy, more moral, and better human beings, simply because of their sex.
That’s why you’re seeing the pushback you are from men.
Thank you Deti. That makes sense. I am a big girl and accept this. Its a shame this has happened to some men. I’m happy I’m aware of it now.
My words were not to shame. I am truly sorry for what has happened to some men. However, I do not deserve to be punished for another woman or women’s actions. As in your example – I shouldn’t be bitten by a dog simply because I’m human. So the best course of action for me is to just steer clear of those men.
“not to shame” “deserve to be punished” “bitten by a dog”
***
“We must picture hell as a state where everyone is perpetually concerned about his own dignity and advancement, where everyone has a grievance, and where everyone lives with the deadly serious passions of envy, self-importance, and resentment.”
–C.S. Lewis
Lol great example of taking my words out of context Buena Vista.
We obviously will not see eye to eye. Best of luck to you.
“Thanks A Dad. I am appreciative that he introduced me to the topic. I do agree with a lot of the opinions/POVs here. And I think its an area that definitely needs more awareness.”
—————-
Some of it seems so crazy that maybe it’s right? 😉
This is also a commonly misunderstood reason we direct women who wander into the TRP subreddit elsewhere. They muddy up the message … and we are primarily trying to maintain a clean accessible resource for young men.
@rpgn:
on the tire story, did your friend’s bf try the best he could? is $50 the best he could do?
if your bf makes $100k a year, 4 new tires is chump change.
but if you make $20k a year, $50 may be a lit harder to come up with.
so without knowing the rest of the details, it’s a bit harsh to call him out.
“488. When a woman gains weight and lets herself go, in part what her husband sees and hears is this: “I know you found me physically attractive and that’s one of the reasons you married me, but I don’t care enough about you to put much effort into my physical appearance. You wanted a good looking woman as your wife, but I don’t really care what you want. Your wants and needs and desires just aren’t important to me. I don’t love you, respect you, or appreciate you, or care about you.””
https://theredpillproverbsbible.wordpress.com/2016/05/25/the-red-pill-proverbs-the-bible-book-of-proverbs/
DMV very true. He makes over 100k a year. He’s very frugal, which is a positive trait in lots of ways. But he was being kindof odd that day about lots of things. Maybe it wasn’t the best example…