The other day I was talking with a couple about to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. I didn’t ask their ages but he mentioned being born in 1939, although I would have never guessed it.
They are both fit and spry, more so than many people 15 or 20 or even more their junior. They look healthy, like they have eaten well, not overdone anything, and taken good care of themselves consistently.
They speak fondly to and of each other, and their children and grandchildren. It’s clear they are actively a part of their family’s lives and visit or meet up often even though the kids live across the country.
Both former schoolteachers, they say they never had a lot but the wife proudly said how her husband steadily put a little away all along and that has lasted for 20 years in retirement, likely along with teacher’s pensions. They talk of world travels taken through community ed programs and meeting up with all the clan yearly in Hawaii.
For their anniversary they are going on a six-week trip to the Caribbean, part cruise and part land. Even though she’s already tiny she mentioned she’s dieting, as she wants to look good by the pool. (So cute!)
They are both well dressed and well groomed in a solid but not flashy way. It’s clear despite their age they still take pride in their appearance and looking their best.
I found myself thinking they were a good example of a life well lived. They had invested in themselves, each other, their children, and their community. Small but steady good choices that have all added up.
I have no doubt they have endured struggles, but at the same time it’s clear the good has far outweighed the bad. It sure looked good compared to what’s happening today.
Wise choices, frugality, healthy living, moderation, and deep bonds may seem “boring” to some, but I personally think their story is a beautiful one. I’d love a family and life like that. Simple and true.
I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?
What do you think equals a life well lived? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Awwwww I love reading things like that, Bloom!!! That’s so sweet that they are still having so much fun together and going on trips and things!
I think one of the secrets to a life of success like that is to develop a spirit of excellence toward anything and everything you do. That means growing to become the best you:
1) Physically
2) Mentally/Emotionally
3) Spiritually
The man who writes at The Family Alpha did a post on those three things for men, but it applies to women the same way! And when you live like that, it’s hard for the negative stuff of life to keep you down for long, and even if you die, you leave behind an amazing legacy where all the people who knew you, are left inspired by the life you lived and the way you lived it. I’ve seen that happen with my own eyes and it gives me so much motivation to live a life like that. Literally being the best I can be in all kinds of ways and to all the people in my life who matter.
Sounds like a good life they have had and continue to have. I’d love to have a long life filled with traveling, adventure, and stories to tell. I was raised modestly in a rural area, and there’s not much of the world I’ve seen and I’d like to. My guy and I have the same dream, to live out of an RV and travel wherever we want. We hate being in the same place for more than a couple years, we are quickly finding out. There’s not much in the Midwest, the South…isn’t for me (or him), so we want to go West and see how that goes. We’d of course have to make our income remotely, because neither he or I can stand the 9 to 5 jive.
@ Ash my oldest has the same dream! That’s awesome that you and your partner share that dream. Sounds like a fun life! I hope she finds someone to do that with as well, if that’s still the plan when she’s old enough!
Growing up as a kid, just about everyone I knew was living in a broken family (divorced) or knew someone whose parents were divorcing.
Not that long ago, my nieces and nephew asked why I am still single at 40. I just said what I usually say to everyone who asks, “I haven’t found the right one yet.” and that is true on the surface, though I haven’t told them much anything else about the dystopian current relations between the sexes in this here USA that awaits them. They have friends whose parents are divorced or are getting divorced, as well. So in a way, they kinda already know.
“I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?”
To even have to ask is to already have answered it. Don’t look into the abyss too long lest it look back into you.
😉
‘I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?’
It’s possible…but becoming more rare. It’s not like feminist tyranny has given up the fight in driving a wedge between the sexes.
@George: “I haven’t found the right one yet.”
That’s so sad. My daughter has girlfriends who have found the “right one” 3 or 4 times already, and they are just now graduating college. I’m so happy for them, thinking how many more “right ones” they will find by the time they are your age.
(do I really need to do the /sarc thing?)
‘I haven’t found the right one yet.’
Honestly I think that’s the best response to those questions. Shows you have standards and that you are searching without appearing bitter about the current state of women and marriage.
@ RichardP; 3 or 4 huh? those are pretty modest figures. I knew plenty of girls who were sexually active and promiscuous as far back as sixth grade. I would see them in church too. To those girls, those guys are the right ones… right now. Then when they get bored, they move on to another Mr. Right Now rinse and repeat until they can’t do it anymore.
@ Earl; Yeah, absolutely man, it is really depressing some days more than others. I actively struggle to not be bitter on the daily.
10000 sons, Empire of the English speaking people’s, to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of their women and of course lots of titties and beer
What kinda beer you drink, Ton? are you a craft brew guy or do you go for corporate swill? I’m a corporate swill drinker; Miller Lite, Coors Light, or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
“10000 sons, Empire of the English speaking people’s, to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of their women ”
ideally yes, even if only in the confines of one’s mind while sober.
Thanks for sharing…I always enjoy reading your posts. It’s great to see a diversity of cultural voices offering guidance for younger people…hopefully the next generation can start to reverse the horrendous affects of toxic femininity emanating from the academy, media, Hollyweird, etc.
“What do you think equals a life well lived?”
To have drive, purpose, meaning, and community. Most of which is seemingly absent from todays low trust zero sum world.
@ Warrior; hey you’re welcome, man.
LOL George I drink maybe 2 beers a day, one in the morning after I run, one around 4pm after I do 10 rounds on the heavy bag/ double end bag/ speed bag. I drink whatever beer The Girls bring me. On a good day some apple pie for dinner and supper, and always bottle or three of local muscadine wine after supper/ before bed.
I don’t really drink that much anymore and my gut is to tore up for my beloved mountain dew or Wild Turkey.
@George: “3 or 4 huh? those are pretty modest figures.”
No, these girls are “good” girls. Serial boyfriends. Maybe some are sexually active, but only with “the one”. At least until he is gone and the next one comes along. At least that is the “story”.
“I haven’t found THE right one.”
(1990 onwards)
“I found A right one….
and married them while the getting was good.”
(2000 b.c to 1989 a.d.)
See the difference?
I can see mixing mountain dew with Wild Turkey, but not having one or the other alone. I can’t drink wine, it gives me bitter beer face every time.
@ mgtowhorseman; yuge difference, yuuuuge 🙂
@ RichardP; I’ve heard that before. Like I said, I’ve seen them at church too. It’s called the Sunday Morning Night Club amongst those in the know for a reason.
Of course they’re only sexually active with “the one” whether it be for a month or a day or an hour, yep he’s the one alright.
In a round about way, I think we’re talking about the same thing.
“Of course they’re only sexually active with “the one” whether it be for a month or a day or an hour, yep he’s the one alright.”
🙂
Ton, excuse me for being nosey. You mentioned The Girls before. I’m curious…. Sounds like you have a harem 😉
Just the 2 darling. Mothers of my youngest sons, tenders of hearth and fire and they stuck with me when my trucking company tanked, loosing one of my houses, a bunch of my cars and the unpleasant news of my diminishing health
Real ride or die bitches
Wow that’s great they can co-exist peacefully. You’re the man! They don’t fight or get jealous of each other?
Ah, didn’t know moonshine was called mountain dew back in the day. Given Prohibition, I can see a reason for having to change the name. Learn somethin’ new every day.
I can’t even count how many people have assumed or asked if Dancer and I are a couple. Lol, wishful thinking on their part maybe. We just laugh and say “no, just friends.” So 2018!
LOL not anymore Love and they have their own deal going on. I don’t spend much time at Camp Ton Coastal so they are pretty close. Closer to each other then me in a lot of ways
lol!
after my divorce i was visiting with a friend. we were sitting outside on her patio talking and her middle school daughter was with us. i don’t remember how the conversation got there, but i said, “I’m not into men right now.” i just meant that dating was no where on my radar. her daughter gave me the weirdest look, and my friend said i needed to clarify that in this culture … when i said i wasn’t into men, kids in her daughter’s generation assumed that meant i was into women! gah!
Bloom – great post. THIS is what i try to tell people and explain to my friends who have it and don’t know that they have it.
when i was a single mom, and their dad would take them for 36 hours every other weekend, a married mom i knew with three kids would tell me she was jealous of me b/c i got time alone. hello?! 36 freakin hours every other weekend when i was a single mom with a sped kid who had terrible gut pain and could hardly sleep at night not to mention all her other stuff, and an older sister who was desperate for time alone with me. and she was jealous of the 36 hours i spent sleeping to make up for the past two weeks of no sleep? just stupid. stupid.
GLA – i didn’t know that, either. just asked my Husband and of course, he knew! country bumpkin/redneck that he is, of course he knew 😉
@ Stephanie, I tried to post a response earlier but it apparently got eaten. I think it’s fantastic that you see the long range vision now. Being your version of that couple is the goal. So many people today just live in reaction to the moment rather than have a long term game. I wish you and yours a life well lived! 🙂
So true Ame, sadly most people can’t understand until they are there. It’s not easier. I tell all my friends who try to glorify my situation the same. i get that sometimes it’s not a choice, and one just has to cope, but in the case someone is just bored or in a funk or thinks it’s a solution to all problems I say “don’t blow up your family.”
@George said: “In a round about way, I think we’re talking about the same thing.”
No round about intended. We are talking about the same thing. Just another iteration of the same story that is all over the manosphere.
The only difference is, this story has my daughter in it – as an observer. Watching all the drama as it began to unfold, only to see the relationships disintegrate and start all over again with another “the one”, she began to ask “what’s the point”? She’s doing speech and language pathology, graduates in May, and is headed to graduate school next fall (already getting acceptance letters). She understands that a boyfriend acquired in high school, or even the first few years of college, is not going to be on the level she needs her man to be on when she gets done **. Her approach, when the time comes, will be more along the lines of “I’ve found A good one” referenced above.
** I understand all of the conversation and advice on this topic. This one was a National Scholar coming out of high school, which already put her in a different category than most girls who are content to get married right out of high school.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/02/08/sotu-young-men/
@ RichardP; my eldest niece at 13 is in the same boat. She is the top of her class academically and she wants to be a lawyer. I told her that that professional field was grossly oversaturated and women who go into it generally don’t get married or have children of their own or if they do they’re single moms. She said, “I don’t care, it’s what I want to do.” So yeah, I hear ya loud and clear, man.
“good girls” llozlzozlzlzlzlzzzzozlzzozlozlzolzozl
“good girlzzzz” Lolzlzlzlzozzlzozlzzzzozozozolzlzll
She said, “I don’t care, it’s what I want to do.”
That’s their mantra until they are down to three eggs left.
More good girlzzz or are they??? (O_o)
https://relampagofurioso.com/2018/02/05/the-face-of-sex-offenders-in-americas-public-schools/
@ earl; yeah, it seems only elite women in shitholiewood are able to have healthy children via IVF and a surrogate womb. Case in point, (((Nadia Suleman))) AKA Octomom or Janet Jackson at age 51. Average Jane Q Public Career Girl, hells no.
@ RichardP; “most girls who are content to get married right out of high school.”
Are you sure about that? Most of the girls I went through high school with did not see it that way and I graduated back in 1996.
“She understands that a boyfriend acquired in high school, or even the first few years of college, is not going to be on the level she needs her man to be on when she gets done **.”
I was a National Scholar as well… was in those books where they include all the “Who’s Who” of the best US students grade wise… but I still chose marriage young (sophomore year of college). I don’t know… choices in life are difficult, maybe (hopefully!) she’ll find her husband either in grad school or in her career. That was my “plan” before it got derailed LOL. And hopefully you’ll have the wisdom to let her choose someone you think is “beneath” her so that they can grow together. My parents had a VERY hard time letting me go and letting go of the dreams they had of me finishing grad school before marriage.
Don’t worry Bloom my comments get eaten often LOL… WordPress is so weird!
““I’m not into men right now.” i just meant that dating was no where on my radar. her daughter gave me the weirdest look, and my friend said i needed to clarify that in this culture … when i said i wasn’t into men, kids in her daughter’s generation assumed that meant i was into women! gah!”
LOL that is funny. I can totally understand not being into men if you’ve just divorced. I would be like that too.
Isnt Dancer or one of your friends pushing 50 and not married?
Not to humblebrag but…
I am 54 and celebrating 30 years in the fall?
Its not hard.
Have practical expectations
Chose someone good enough and good in heart
Tough out the bad shit
Believe in the institution when its hard to believe in each other
Look at the alternatives realistically
Live simply.
@George: consider the lowly comma –
What I said – without the comma (how it was written):
“.. put her in a different category than most girls who are content to get married right out of high school.
What I said, but inserting a comma (how it was not written):
“… put her in a different category than most girls, who are content to get married right out of high school.
I was comparing her to a particular category of girls – those who are content to get married right out of high school.
I was not making the claim that most girls are content to get married right out of high school.
@ RichardP ; well that particular category is really really small, if not even significantly noticeable. Just sayin’
my best guess would be less than five percent.
@Stephanie: choices in life are difficult
Yup. If you are interested, you might read through this: Choosing
That link is an experiment. Hopefully it works. That is something I wrote to daughter last month (January). I put stuff in a Dropbox space so she has access to it whenever she wants (she has a link to the folder; you get a link to the specific file).
Since we are experimenting, let me give this link also. It is the first response to a question she asked recently, trying to get her head around what God’s claim on our lives means in real-life terms. This also speaks to the general theme of this thread. How, then, shall we live
Stephanie, why am I not surprised that you were a National Scholar as well. When the littles are old enough that you can step away from them from time to time, make sure to find an outlet for all that brainpower (as you seem to be doing with blogging). That is the best innoculation against resentment building up.
Daughter is seriously introverted. Not shy. But recharges her batteries by getting away by herself rather than being the life of the party. Her mode since childhood (and still is now) is to watch until she has figured out what is going on. When she is comfortable with what she sees she then joins in with gusto. Up until she started grade school we had houses on both sides of us with multiple kids in each. No matter how many times they all came to play in our yard (it was the largest), she would just sit and watch for about 45 minutes. Once she was comfortable with what she had figured out about what was going on, she would then join in with gusto.
If it is true that opposites attract, she is going to need a life mate that both understands and accepts that about her and who also is less introverted / more extroverted. She is focusing on medical work (hospitals, etc) rather than school-setting work. So she will be exposed to a wide range of professionals – from nurses to radiologists to doctors to administrative staff. She will have more to “choose from” than would a female lawyer as George referenced above. But we also have several close relatives who are housing contractors / cabinet builders. So she is comfortable with that “type” also.
I’m open to anyone who can understand who she is and help her to flourish – regardless of where they are on the “beneath / above” scale.
or one out of ten.
George – I was just making a comparison to something that is frequently referenced in the manosphere (get married right out of high school and make babies). How big or little that group of girls is really has nothing to do with the comment I was making when I referenced that group.
Stephanie – I replied to your comment. But I included a couple of links and so that reply is currently in moderation. I don’t know how these things works, so I’m curious to see if that reply will show up above this comment or below it when it gets out of moderation.
my point was that the event of girls marrying out of high school is so statistically rare, that your comparison is not even realistic. You are comparing to ghosts of a bygone era.
Exactly. I was comparing to an idea prevalent in the manosphere – regardless of whether that idea is about ghosts. Just pretend that you are in Plato’s cave. I was referring to the shadows on the wall that many in the audience/manosphere are obsessed with. The reality outside the cave looks much different than the shadows on the wall.
Oh okay, I apologize for being a potato just now. I have my potato moments.
Nah. Statistics are good to have. Your comments were useful.
I set your comment free Richard! Usually they go where originally posted in the comments, not at the bottom.
@ horseman, Dancer is in her early 40s, and divorced. She has a boyfriend, 47, never married no kids. He talks about marriage but I am not so sure that’s not just to keep her hopeful. He may be MTGOW due to life experiences but not know the term or be concious of it. but who knows.
I agree the secret to being the couple who gets to their 30, 40, 50+ anniversary is largely just refusing to get divorced. It’s that easy and that hard. While some matches are better/healthier than others, all couples will have hard times, down times. Not divorcing when those times comes separates the lifelong from the not.
RichardP –
wow. WOW. that is … powerful … all of it. that you take the time to write to your daughter and love her that way, passing down your wisdom to where she is right now. i’m overwhelmed. that is powerful. she might not understand the value of such now, but she certainly will as she gets older.
i’m going to share them with my daughters.
Daughter is seriously introverted. Not shy. But recharges her batteries by getting away by herself rather than being the life of the party. Her mode since childhood (and still is now) is to watch until she has figured out what is going on. When she is comfortable with what she sees she then joins in with gusto. Up until she started grade school we had houses on both sides of us with multiple kids in each. No matter how many times they all came to play in our yard (it was the largest), she would just sit and watch for about 45 minutes. Once she was comfortable with what she had figured out about what was going on, she would then join in with gusto.
this is my Oldest. we have a precious pic of her in first grade doing this. she’s sitting in the back of the room leaning back, focusing on watching everything, while the rest of the class is leaning forward.
even when she was preschool … we’d go to a play area, and she’d stay on the outside watching. she was picking out who was the ‘leader’ of all the little kids – so she’d know who she had to beat out 😉
I agree the secret to being the couple who gets to their 30, 40, 50+ anniversary is……..
Separate houses
she’d stay on the outside watching. she was picking out who was the ‘leader’ of all the little kids – so she’d know who she had to beat out 😉
……..
I was the opposite of that. I would go beat all of them just in case
Sumo returns! https://cookwithsumo.wordpress.com/2018/02/08/why-not/
bwahahahaha!
@RichardP those were GREAT letters ❤ That choices essay you wrote is spot on, for me I tend to romanticize everything anyway, so I kind of look back at things as all being "meant to be." I believe we do choose our own future (I kind of hate the word destiny LOL), but I also believe in loving the life we've chosen already.
On your daughter – I'm so glad she doesn't allow introversion to hold her back from having "gusto" as you've described. There was a wife at our meeting this week who I recognized as the wife of a Sergeant, a really handsome, masculine man, and I could tell she felt "out of her element" so to speak and just really shy. I love to pull women like that in and try to make them feel welcome and comfortable, but since I was talking almost the whole time I never got the chance to actually meet her. But I do notice ones like that, and my heart goes out to them ❤ .
just really shy. I love to pull women like that in and try to make them feel welcome and comfortable, but since I was talking almost the whole time I never got the chance to actually meet her. But I do notice ones like that, and my heart goes out to them ❤ .
good for you, Stephanie. sometimes we just need a little nudge from the right person at the right time 🙂
“but since I was talking almost the whole time I never got the chance to actually meet her.”
Probably should have clarified I couldn’t have one on one talking with her because I was the speaker. But next time 🙂 I hope she’ll be comfortable enough to come back.
Yea Ame I was surprised that she seemed shy because I’ve seen her (from afar) with her husband and she looked more extroverted 🙂 I’m sure being with him or with people she knows probably brings that out. Her husband was actually one of my husband’s favorite instructors back when the man was teaching at the academy. Now he’s moved on and is managing another unit.
there’s a chance you mis-read her. still, caring about others to willingly be involved in their lives for their betterment is admirable.
i was going to ask you earlier – when you mentioned they live elsewhere – if you missed them much, but i guess this answers my question 😉
‘The men who seek to dismantle and destroy feminism care far more for women than feminists have ever done. The charge of misogyny is often leveled at me. The traditional definition is a pathological hatred of women. If we could change the definition to a pathological hatred of feminists then I might stand guilty as charged. Of course the working definition has morphed into someone who disagrees with a woman.
I love and care for women which is why I hate feminism. Feminists are evil. Most are evil because they themselves were warped by earlier feminists, but that does not excuse their own evil behavior. They are dead inside, their entire reason for existing as a woman unfulfilled or twisted and destroyed. Their only resource remaining is to make other women dead as well. Misery loves company.’
Killing women.
https://pushingrubberdownhill.com/2018/02/09/killing-women/
@Ame: ” … she’s sitting in the back of the room leaning back, focusing on watching everything, while the rest of the class is leaning forward.”
Same with daughter. Now consider grade school and test-taking time. Imagine daughter’s surprise to discover that the teacher wasn’t OK with her learning back and just watching everyone else taking the test. Second grade teacher had a special needs son (he needed to be able to type his notes on a laptop rather than write them), and so she a.) was willing to work with wife and I with encouraging daughter to participate in class, and; b.) give use pointers of what worked with her son.
@Ame and Stephanie – thank you for the kind words. You understand the concept of verbal shortcuts – a word or few words to point our attention to a concept that takes many more words to actually explain (such as sunrise and sunset; the sun neither rises nor sets, but the words get used in place of long explanations).
In that context, daughter and I have had an ongoing conversation since she was able to put words together in sentences. When we get to points that form the foundational basis for other understanding built on top of it (foundational truths), I write down the gist of what was discussed. Creating a “verbal shortcut” of sorts for her to refer to that will refresh her mind on the larger points made. Wife and I won’t be with her forever, and so she will have something to refer to. At the moment, Dropbox is a guard against losing something written on paper or a hard drive crash, etc. I’ve had folks die and weeks and months later reach for the phone because I had a question to ask them. So I’m sort of building a buffer for her for when that happens with us.
It’s less they live elsewhere and more like my mission keeps me away.
Mission 1st but I never miss them until I walk through the door at Camp Ton Coastal
Ahhh! That’s so sweet!
common trajectory of Modern Career Girl life path; especially if they actually grew up watching Dora The Explorer;
That’s funny gla! Lol
A new post at Spawny’s there is
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/02/10/strange-game-frame/
oh.my.gawash! that’s hilarious in a terribly tragic way. my girls ever act like that i’ll kick their butts!
(btw – HATE dora! all she does is YELL!)
HATE dora! all she does is YELL!…….
And help taco benders sneak across our Southern border