Tonight I was reading a blog post by a gal who is waiting for her devinely appointed other half to find her.
She seems like a genuinely great gal, has her head on straight, shows many signs of good wifely character. She’s attractive and well dressed. The images she posts of her home show a lovely tidy space. And she’s home on weekends with candles and a book rather than hitting all the party spots.
And yet I found myself thinking maybe she’s being a little bit passive about this. Especially as the third decade nears. Trust me, I do believe in the Devine, but I also believe God helps those who help themselves.
Gals today may not realize it yet, but thanks to lots of reasons, many men today aren’t even seeking marriage. By 30-some they have either seen too many marriages not work out, their own marriage didn’t work out, they have been burned by too many gals passing them over for the chance at a bigger fish, or they are that bigger fish and are too busy and too used to playing the game to settle down.
All this boils down to a gal understanding that she may need to bridge the gap. Let friends and family know she’s looking, make herself available at locations where marriage minded type guys might be, and to be friendly and open to guys who approach. And very key, instead of looking for reasons to rule guys out, she should start to look for the good things about the guys she does meet. Reasons to rule him in.
At the same time when she does meet a guy, she should be clear she’s marriage minded not just dating to date, conciously be displaying marriage qualities, wife qualities, how she potentially adds value. Don’t be one of those gals with lots of attitude and a “perfect guy” list of all he will do for HER a mile long.
From what I see, this gal would make a good candidate. I hope she still seeks heavenly guidance first and foremost, but also gets a bit more proactive in her search.
I’d link to her blog but I think better to not. That way it keeps the discussion general rather than about this particular gal herself.
What do you think? What advice would you give to a gal seeking marriage today? What’s a good game plan, if any? Please feel free to share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
your advice is good and sound. that concept is common among some in Christian circles, and those women need to be told how things are.
– – –
i think, though, we need to be careful with “God helps those who help themselves.” it may be more a matter of semantics, and i do think it’s a very fine line.
there are those who believe that because they have made all the right choices in life that God has ‘blessed’ them – meaning, God blessed them because of what they did and not because of who He is … and that’s a huge distinction.
years ago when i was in therapy and the sexual abuse recovery group, i went to coffee with another woman who had been thru the same abuse group, and she made a comment about how she was ‘paying’ for all the bad choices she’d made in life. i looked at her and told her that i was ‘paying’ the same price but i hadn’t made any of those bad choices; my choices had been good. but we’d both ended up in the same place.
around that time i knew another woman who decided to start doing right and making good choices, and then her life fell apart. she felt like she’d done her part but God failed her, so she blamed God. it’s a form of believing one can manipulate God.
the bible says the rain falls on the just and the unjust.
again, it’s a very fine line but the distinction is important, and i may not have articulated it well … because our choices DO matter, but we cannot manipulate God.
I don’t think that anyone is going to meet someone by just sitting around the house and waiting for it to happen. Has she always been a homebody? Maybe she *was* a party girl who has settled down after 10-15 years of crazy.
I know of a situation where a woman didn’t get out at all until her mid-late thirties; She had some issues with her weight, and it seems like her mother was a bit wacky. Maybe even messed her up a bit. She lots the weight and got into a lot of sexual relationships when she got older, and most of them were short-lived. Pretty sure it’s taken a toll on her. She supposedly can’t have children for a few reasons.
One thing that you din’t mention about men in their thirties is having a family. I think that a lot of guys want a family, but don’t want marriage because of how risky modern marriage is. I’m personally on the fence on the whole matter. I don’t want to marry again, but I’d love to have more children. That might mean that I’d be looking for younger women. Surprisingly, I’ve really come to like living on my own and don’t know that I’m ready yet for the drama of a woman.
Marriage and children are a double-edge sword for both genders. A man marries young and he sacrifices a lot more if his wife leaves him after many years (more assets to lose, grater alimony). He also sacrifices access to lots of sex by committing to one woman (which may mean less sex in the long run). Women might gain the best options for men if they find one early and lock him down, but might very well be resentful when they’ve lost 10-20 years of their youth and beauty. Both seem to be able to find someone eventually but there is a risk. Men might have to marry much younger for a family. Women might have to accept that they never have children at all. It’s all complicated.
The options are different when we get older. I really do believe that younger women tend to have more to offer middle-aged men and older men tend to have more to offer middle-aged women (to a point). If both people make sacrifices from the time that they are young, both can get the benefits later in life, but it doesn’t seem to always work out that way.
also – your advice about being a marriageable woman and actively showing that is good. women in the church seem to think they’ll be ‘found’ and that it’s somehow wrong and bad to ‘display the goods,’ so to speak. it’s passive rather than active, as you said.
and your advice for her to get others involved is also really good – like getting your own sales and marketing team together 🙂
it used to be that people did match-make, and that if you met a guy that someone in your circle would know him or of him … or that someone in his circle would know you or of you. but we’re so spread out anymore … and women have been giving so many mixed signals … and all these women raising boys teaching them so many lies. it means we need to be more proactive about finding someone to date-to-marry.
interestingly enough, i know of two couples irl who met online about 8-10 years ago, both married with kids now – one through blogging, and the other through some sort of common group site thing. gosh, thinking about that, ‘8-10 years ago’ … that might already be outdated now.
‘At the same time when she does meet a guy, she should be clear she’s marriage minded not just dating to date, conciously be displaying marriage qualities, wife qualities, how she potentially adds value. ‘
That would be nice…and put her into a rare category today.
Trust me even the young women you’d consider low on the feminist scale and higher on the trusting God scale still put plenty of roadblocks in their way to marriage and kids. Namely wanting control or liking the ‘freedom’ to do things on their own. Those things don’t display good helpmate tendencies.
Very true Ame, even trying to read Gods will can be tricky. And to force or manipulate it, for sure not a good idea.
@ a dad I did not get the sense she was a reformed party girl. Not sure what she’s been up to for the past 10 years. I do think it’s a question guys will ask or at least wonder. I got the sense she’s been told the usual, “Don’t even think about marriage until the 30s” which I think a lot of young women are told and is not necessarily good advice, as over time the guys interested in marriage are shrinking not growing.
Another thing for gals seeking marriage today is to think about how marriage has changed. And to understand how those changes have led to more failed marriages. For most of history marriage was essentially about pairing up for survival and procreation. So long as everyone was doing their part, it was successful. Then it became more about love and feelings of attraction. This model was more precarious, as “feelings” can come and go over time, so then the marriage is only “working” when the feelings are right. Today marriage is portrayed as a means to reach ones highest personal growth, or something. That marriage will transcend someone. (See movie star marriages as an example.) This model seems even more feels based and precarious. Then the marriage is only working when both partners are at their absolute personal best, which is a rediculous expectation to maintain for 30-50 years. Nothing but upside? Pretty much impossible. I think the original model is the stable one — seeing marriage as a mutual agreement to become a team, partners. To face life together as a unit. And of course it can also include love and feelings and personal growth, but if the basis is the commitment itself, rather than the feelings or personal growth, that commitment becomes the rock the rest is built upon. When divorce becomes a non-option, despite feelings or self, that’s a good base.
There are a lot of people who aren’t overly social. These people are fucked in the current smp/mmp. Or unfucked as the case may be. The apex folks do well regardless of the market conditions. The very good looking, the very social etc. The folks on the bottom are always unfucked. The ugly, the unhealthy etc etc.
Then comes the folks in the middle. Which is what? 60+percent of us? Just decent folks, nothing much wrong, nothing really great going on either. Those in the bottom half of the middle have certain struggles, those toward the upper half can do alright, especially of they are driven and punch above their weight class but not as well as they could do if the market was healthy.
Good looking and not social will put a person into the middle and struggling category. And lets face it most folks are on the shy side. Good looking and easy to maintain yourself with hobbies… and you’re in the struggling/ pre occupied category. Which I think describes most of my friends. They are in good shape, social to a degree but not overly so but they like what they like and to old for the bar scene so life becomes about work and hobbies.
Which I think has always been the case for most men. My grandmaw use to say a man had to be married up before he got a steady pay check, a reliable truck, a good dog and a favotire fishing hole or he would find himself 50 and single.
Women like Blooms friend kind of unscerews themselves by not being social and thinking a man will come their way while they do the perfectly harmless things they enjoy. My friends are not pursuing girls because they don’t go out much, don’t see many girls to flirt with and by their middle 40’s have a steady paycheck, a 4wheel drive truck, a dog in the front seat and some place they like to fish…. Or they ride, hunt etc e.g.
Then comes in all the other factors. Maybe the girl has an impossible to match 431 point must have bullet list. Or maybe the dude has been burned in divorce or nuclear rejected once and hasn’t really gotten over it etc etc.
I do think most folks will do much better in the smp/ mmp if they change a couple of things. Which is why I am a fan of the lose weight, learn a little game and approach like crazy plan for men. Throw a tattoo and and Harely in the mix and most men will do much better in the smp in under a year.
Most girls need to loose weight, shit can 428 items on their bullet list….1st to go should be a height requirement (unless she is particularly tall herself) , put themselves in places men can approach and let men approach. Mostly. Guys don’t approach like they use to so it’s getting tricker everyday for women on that front but that’s what they get for doing nothing
Pro tip for the ladies; was speaking with a Girl who was wearing a pro Trump t shirt at this local watering hole. She told me more dudes approach her when she is wearing a Trump shirt then at any other time. Theory on that is it signifies she is not rabidly anti male. Though I didn’t tell her that
Agreed Ton. I am a firm believer in taking steps to actively offset dating/marriage drawbacks and increasing the positives vs. just hoping something will work out/doing nothing. The gal did have a pro trump post, despite living in a large metro area.
And it’s not so much about this particular girl, she just got me thinking of the many gals in her situation who are taking a similar approach rather than a more proactive one. Life is a competition in many ways, sitting home and wishing leads to another gal who is actively out there meeting that guy looking for marriage!
The classic Cappy post on this.
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.ca/2008/10/yes-men-do-leave-market.html
Many men, active or passive mgtow, sees a pretty girl out and about and it never enters their head to even second glance….because They Are Not Looking!!!
“And she’s home on weekends with candles and a book rather than hitting all the party spots”….oh….I first read that as CANDIES and a book, and was about to conclude there wasn’t much hope for her.
LOL you fought me pretty hard about smp/mmp assets and liabilities
This is one area where I see things differently than most guys. So here are my tips:
1. Let men know you are looking for marriage (RPG nailed this one).
2. Be friendly and open (RPG nailed this one too).
3. Put yourself into a guys life. If he says he is headed fishing this weekend, ask if he has an extra pole and room for one more. If he says he is catching the game on TV; get interested in the game and see if he wants company. If he has a project around the house he is working on, ask if he needs a hand. In short; demonstrate that you are enjoyable to be around and you know how to be a helpmate.
@ Ton indeed I did. At first I, like many women, wanted to believe I was special, guys should just like me as I was, they were the lucky ones, etc. Girls are taught from a young age such things. Few girls are told there are things they can do to increase or decrease their dating/marriage value. So they fumble along, blind to how they are maybe hurting their own chances, or what they could do instead to help themself. Most gals don’t want to think it’s THEM or what they are doing. I didn’t either but once I understoofd that everything changed and things got easier.
This waiting for God to bring “the one” is kindof another version of, “someday my prince will come.” I am not sure I believe in “the one” as much as I believe yes some are better matches than others but there are likely many potential mates for each person rather than just ONE person on the planet. The thing about believing in “the one” is then I have seen women convince themselves when hard times come that it’s a sign he’s not “the one” and then use that to justify breaking their commitment. It’s as much, or more, about being the one as finding the one! And then sticking things out come what may…
Good stuff, Bloom..especially your recent comments.
GoFigure hit on something and that is a lady should put herself in a guy’s life. Actually get in the way.
I’m a member of several Meetup groups, which ironically have more women participating than men. Our organizers are still seeking ways to solve the man problem.
Women participating in Meetups is one good method of finding themselves in the way or line of sight of men.
Once in the line of sight, we all can agree that a woman should be:
As friendly and cooperative as possible.
Ironically, the woman I’ve been seeing isn’t surface “friendly” mostly due to some of her facial expressions, but she is relationally very cooperative.
As physically attractive as possible.
I think Deep Strength has more than adequately covered how Christian leadership categorially FAILS to talk to singles about the utmost importance of being physically attractive.
After that comes perhaps some of the more esoteric things that make a woman attractive…ie low number of sex partners, general morals/values, a man-friendly disposition (which is hard to have in our present misandric gynocracy), air of equanimity, with a sprinkling of the Cardinal Virtues…to say the least.
Good thread this is.
Heed advice women should
believe I was special, guys should just like me as I was, they were the lucky ones, etc. Girls are taught from a young age such things.
True this is.
Why do such a disservice to daughters wonder I do?
I wonder if it’s part of the larger self esteem movement started in the 70s and 80s? Everybody is a special snowflake and deserves the BEST!?!?
She’s attractive and well dressed.
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
‘This waiting for God to bring “the one” is kindof another version of, “someday my prince will come.”
Besides that’s not how it even worked in the beginning. Adam was the one alone, God created Eve from his rib and brought her to him.
So what I’m saying is…it would probably help her to have some sort of intermediary to find a guy as opposed to sitting around doing nothing.
And further, w women already being hypergamyous, wanting the best possible match they can get, it just feeds that, possibly setting the expectation beyond what’s realistic? So they overlook men who actually are their equivelant best while at the same time think they can and will do better so they pass those guys by and end up with fewer options over time as their equivelant best pair off or drop out.
Parents and others teaching girls this are actually DECREASING the girl’s chances!
RPG thank you for your blog and your thoughts which I often find very pertinent to my own life.
I am *very* traditional and would settle for one man and one man only and marriage. I would make love with my husband after marriage and no-one else before or after. I would be all my heart and soul entirely for him.
Fate dealt me a hand not exactly like that! I had to bend mhyrules and my dream and am so glad I did. When his company is so delightful why be stubborn and miss out? If we find the man of our dreams we may have to bend to his terms when *we* are the one in love. We may have to face the reality to bridge the gap.
@ headhunter I showed a guy in real life and he said she’s a 7. 🙂 I would post a link but it’s really not about any one particular gal.
Good to see you M! Agreed, you are wise to see this rather than be stubborn and demand your own way. I am glad to hear that is working out! 🙂
I’ve been thinking about my previous comment. I know that many woman do not want to be that proactive, but if you are not doing that, then you are loosing out.
You could be a perfect 10 and “the one” god sent for me, but you will still loose to the girl who makes my life easier. If you are not actively participating in my life and enjoying time with me, there are 3 other women that have already expressed interest in taking your spot. No matter what I am doing, there is a girl interested in doing it with me.
Girls, you are now competing for men whether you like it or not. I’m just trying to give you advice on how to win the guy you want.
You could be a perfect 10 and “the one” god sent for me, but you will still loose to the girl who makes my life easier.
I think that’s a very important point.
women are taught that they are valuable and priceless and a treasure worth finding … and that their ‘prince’ will search for them and find them and value them for the priceless treasure they are. and, if he doesn’t search for you and find you, then he’s not worth it and you don’t want him anyway.
‘I would post a link but it’s really not about any one particular gal.’
Could you post a photo?
Thank you! Have you ever wondered why the comments are almost all from men? You and I are the only gals here right now! LOL
‘You could be a perfect 10 and “the one” god sent for me, but you will still loose to the girl who makes my life easier. If you are not actively participating in my life and enjoying time with me, there are 3 other women that have already expressed interest in taking your spot. ‘
Yes…no matter how physically beautiful a woman is…the helpmate who is attractive wins out in the end. If only the ’10s’ figured that out.
“Parents and others teaching girls this are actually DECREASING the girl’s chances! ”
Also parents and others telling girls to make getting a career their main priority in life.
“the sky’s the limit!” is what they teach little girls. if they just work hard enough, they can achieve anything they can dream … so don’t settle for less.
no one told them dreams are for sleeping and reality is for awake.
also … a lot of parents live vicariously through their children and use their children to prop themselves up and validate themselves. my first husband did this to our girls and would be infuriated with me for not playing along. he wanted them to go to Harvard b/c that’s where he wanted to go, but didn’t. he wanted them to get law degrees b/c that’s what he wanted to do, but didn’t. he wanted for them the things he was unable to achieve. thing was, he was highly successful but never satisfied.
when our girls didn’t show the same desires … or when I didn’t expect them to have the same desires for their lives he did for his, he became intensely angry.
I remember clearly sitting in an ARD for my youngest when she was in kinder or 2nd, and their dad and all the female teachers were talking about all the great and wonderful things my daughter could do in this life. none of it was about what she wanted but was about what she was *capable* of doing.
and that leads to the truth that we are capable of doing more than we are able to do in this life. there are many things we can excel at, but if we don’t choose, we’ll end up being mediocre at many things and not excelling in anything.
one of my last jobs before becoming a sahm was in a company where they wanted to send me back to school to finish my degree and work my way up in their company. I had no desire to do so. *could* I have done it? sure. I was capable and would have been very successful. but I would have hated it. and it would have cost me my life-long desire to be a stay-at-home-mommy.
life is more about making the best choice you can at the moment with the best information available than waiting to possibly make a better choice later (as RichardP wisely advised his daughter).
Strangely, women project in themselves what they find attractive in men in vain hopes that men will find the same traits attractive about them. They think the lofty credentials and fancy job title they have is sexually attractive to men, and they couldn’t be more wrong… nah wait, they
can always be more wrong and usually are.
‘Pro tip for the ladies; was speaking with a Girl who was wearing a pro Trump t shirt at this local watering hole. She told me more dudes approach her when she is wearing a Trump shirt then at any other time. Theory on that is it signifies she is not rabidly anti male. Though I didn’t tell her that’
Make women great again.
‘They think the lofty credentials and fancy job title they have is sexually attractive to men, and they couldn’t be more wrong…’
Well if their job title is expert cook I could certainly give leeway there.
“Well if their job title is expert cook I could certainly give leeway there.”
I actually did meet such a woman like that at the Waffle House. She was married, and her husband owned that particular franchise.
family business
*family “owned” business… damn
It’s funny, it’s become such a trope that the woman wants to be seen as something more than her looks or sexuality and yet doesn’t give men access to anything but those superficial aspects. I’ve never had the chance to say, “Yes, I’m looking at your tits because you haven’t tried to engage my MIND,” but the day may still come. Guys will take what is given, and if it’s just a few moments of fantasy bait then so be it.
For a woman who’s not super high ranking in the marketplace, or just having a dry spell, it doesn’t hurt to show you can contribute to a guy’s life in simple ways and can just be fun to be around. It doesn’t hurt to Lighten Up. If you can just be friendly with a guy you don’t necessarily want to sleep with there’s a good chance he’ll have a friend who will turn you on.
An interesting thing about my mother’s generation: The young women (18-late 20s) in her crowd didn’t typically have sex before they were “engaged” (though some engagements were just sex before marriage and nothing more). Because of this their dating experiences weren’t all that intense. They dated different guys, no one was too freaked out if a short streak of going steady didn’t lead to something more serious, and tended to just have a good time and get to know a lot of different men fairly casually. There were only a few, not a lot, broken hearts or destructive cases of sexual tension.
I know young ladies today that have never been on a date, or just hung out with a man, without some level of serious sexual contact … many of them are constantly freaked out, even if they congratulate themselves on being able to have meaningless sex. The culture that they buy into sort of tells them that they have to be managing their sexuality in a certain overwrought way. So damn near every moment between men and women is full of weird, amped up, tension … positive or negative. Somehow it’s “casual” but still ALL SO SERIOUS and unfun.
There was a good deal of sex going down in my youth, the 1970s and ’80s, but it wasn’t so fraught with tension and people took it all a lot easier. I’m fairly youthful and can still engage with younger women but find they can feel like they are just going off in all directions; angry, sexy, hurt, aggressive, afraid, needy, and pushing you away. It’s a lot to deal with especially when you have to put up with them when they redefine, rewrite, relive, reimagine, whatever minor relationship you just had. The old days aren’t coming back but it doesn’t hurt to allow fun things to simply be fun again.
M
I have often wondered why Blooms, geared to women, is all guys commenting.
Question.
Y’all go immediately to the relationship, being marriageable, etc.
Given the Pence rule, metoo, mgtow.
Do girls have any idea how to get a guy to notice her at the meetup?
If there is no first conversation there isnt anything else.
No one seems to address this. Its just assumed
The guy will notice her
The guy will risk to approach her
The guy will ask for a date not a hookup.
Um… Hate to tell y’all but no one is asking anyone out anymore.
And with everyone buried in their smart phones its really hard to talk to anyone.
Just wondering. Me and the Mrs often go to coffee and you know…talk.
The only ones doing so.
Just wondering.
And as my previous comment, most men now Are Actively, Purposely, NOT Looking.
“Yes, I’m looking at your tits because you haven’t tried to engage my MIND,” but the day may still come
In nine hundred year it has come not
It’s a lot to deal with especially when you have to put up with them when they redefine, rewrite, relive, reimagine, whatever minor relationship you just had.
Called “Newman’s Syndrome” this is.
Called “Newpoeple’s Syndrome” in Canada, eh?
How does active or passive mgtow or just plain fedup with women contribute to
Getting A Guy To TALK To Her for the first time?
Yoda: “In nine hundred year it has come not”
Let’s hope it doesn’t take me that long to fire this one off. But I’m not staring at boobs just to justify getting the opportunity to say that. Boobs only get stares if they are actually stare-able.
Horseman: “Y’all go immediately to the relationship, being marriageable, etc.”
I’ve noticed that women tend to separate dating/hooking up behavior from relationship behavior and then hide the dating/hook up behavior away in the recesses of their minds. I challenged an ex-girlfriend of mine on this when she was bemoaning about a “lonely period” in her life after we broke up.
Knowing she wasn’t particularly shy about sex I challenged her. She immediately started laughing, admitting: “Well, there were those three guys …” The lonely period was one in which there was no RELATIONSHIP potential even though there were “those three guys.” For forcing her to ‘fess up she then made me listen to an anatomical description of the best of the three. Anyway, it seemed that the three guys and the attendant hooking up behavior went into some sort of memory hole until I suggested she was full of it.
Just my opinion. I’d actually love to hear the ladies speak up more often. I hope they don’t think we are silencing them by our own willingness to speak up!
Just my opinion. I’d actually love to hear the ladies speak up more often. I hope they don’t think we are silencing them by our own willingness to speak up!
some of us ladies probably speak up too often (speaking of myself!) 😉
aside from that … what would you like us to say? what would you like to know from us ladies?
I dated a classically trained chef.
I cooked better then her. Mostly because they are all retards that want to do new and creative stuff in the kitchen or retards that want to cook everything low fat, low salt….. no taste. It was an odd moment in my life because I remember thinking if this is the best a school trained lady chef can do…… it’s true, they really are only good for fucking.
She also had a softail and said she loved to ride. She was a fucking road hazard and doubled down on they are only good for fucking logic
what would you like to know from us ladies?
………
Nothing. It would only scare the childern
Love hearing from you! I’ve no agenda other than to encourage the women here to risk their opinions on the open market. I realize the guys can be a bit feisty but it’s all just talk!
Low Fat, Jesus save us. I’m assuming she wasn’t French or Cajun.
“there are those who believe that because they have made all the right choices in life that God has ‘blessed’ them – meaning, God blessed them because of what they did and not because of who He is … and that’s a huge distinction.”
I’m sure you probably know more about this than I do, Ame, but I’ve actually seen people get punished, sometimes severely for bad choices. And even Job who was tested severely and went through suffering, ended up being blessed MORE than he had been before (and by God Himself) because of how he endured that suffering.
The Bible is full of examples where God punished either groups of people, or individuals – sometimes extremely severely – for being wicked.
That verse about the rain falling on the just and the unjust, to me that just means God allows for good things to happen to both good and wicked people. Not that He actually blesses wicked people and curses or kills good people.
A low-fat chef in Dixie makes as much sense as Admiral Jar-Jar it does
There was a woman in our small town that my dad would always hear being extremely arrogant and criticizing others and basically spreading slander about them. She came down with a rare form of cancer inside her nose and had to have it completely cut off and was left extremely disfigured.
My dad honestly believed it was due to how arrogant and vain she always was and how many people she had hurt. We would still see her around since it was such a small town, and she always looked ashamed and tried not to be seen. Talk about a humbling experience. It was really sad to me.
God flat out killed Ananias and Sapphira for trying to appear like they were good and godly (but it came from envy – they had seen another Barnabas? give a ton of land he owned so they pretended to do the same just for outward show), and He killed them on the spot for pretending to give more money to the church than they actually did.
Also… just look at all the times God punished the Israelites for not obeying Him… or just for simply complaining (the ones who complained with Moses were never allowed to be blessed with seeing the promise land, but were cursed for the rest of their lives in having to live in the dessert).
I think it’s good to try to be good, avoid doing things that tempt or provoke God to punish us. Because I think He still does… I feel like I’ve seen it.
Also David and Bathsheba… God killed their firstborn because of their sin.
The lady who we knew who had her nose cut off due to being stricken with cancer… she was a “Christian” woman. I think there’s a link between people who are Christian or who know of God, being punished when they do wrong or harm others.
It’s almost like God’s not going to let them get away with it, because He expects more from them since they’re supposed to be His children.
Hebrews 12:5
“And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, or lose heart when He rebukes you. 6For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son.””
If there is a part of the Bible I found out that you don’t want to complain or provoke God…it’s Job 38-40.
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
“Who is this that darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
“Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you [a]have understanding,
Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the line on it?
“On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
It keeps going on like that for a while and then spolier alert…Job has no refute.
God challenging Job with the gird your lions like a man comment…I liked that. It’s almost like…you don’t want to mess with me buddy and here’s why. It’s one of those times when I was reading it I thought…’uh oh’.
LOL nice ine master Yoda! I have 3 deep fryers, one for fish, shrimp and gator, one for chicken and one for fries, onion rings, cheese etc etc
She was French trained and working in a trendy money making joint in Raleigh. I have never been to that restaurant since they were dumb enough to hire her….. as a window into the mind of a woman…. She hated me being a better cook and thought I was cheating when I would make the same dishes with heavy cream, butter etc etc
Yeah Earl, the Almighty taking you to task like that has to be britches shitting intimidating
BWAHAHAHA
😉
I’m glad there’s a comma in there!😉
Stephanie – NOTHING escapes God. God is Just. Everyone will answer to Him either in this life or the next.
earl – yep, that makes me shudder every time i read it.
also … Amos 4 … at the end where it says, “Prepare to meet your God.” some serious stuff right there.
Amos 4
Hear this word, you cows of Bashan on Mount Samaria,
you women who oppress the poor and crush the needy
and say to your husbands, “Bring us some drinks!”
2 The Sovereign Lord has sworn by his holiness:
“The time will surely come
when you will be taken away with hooks,
the last of you with fishhooks.[a]
3 You will each go straight out
through breaches in the wall,
and you will be cast out toward Harmon,[b]”
declares the Lord.
4 “Go to Bethel and sin;
go to Gilgal and sin yet more.
Bring your sacrifices every morning,
your tithes every three years.[c]
5 Burn leavened bread as a thank offering
and brag about your freewill offerings—
boast about them, you Israelites,
for this is what you love to do,”
declares the Sovereign Lord.
6 “I gave you empty stomachs in every city
and lack of bread in every town,
yet you have not returned to me,”
declares the Lord.
7 “I also withheld rain from you
when the harvest was still three months away.
I sent rain on one town,
but withheld it from another.
One field had rain;
another had none and dried up.
8 People staggered from town to town for water
but did not get enough to drink,
yet you have not returned to me,”
declares the Lord.
9 “Many times I struck your gardens and vineyards,
destroying them with blight and mildew.
Locusts devoured your fig and olive trees,
yet you have not returned to me,”
declares the Lord.
10 “I sent plagues among you
as I did to Egypt.
I killed your young men with the sword,
along with your captured horses.
I filled your nostrils with the stench of your camps,
yet you have not returned to me,”
declares the Lord.
11 “I overthrew some of you
as I overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah.
You were like a burning stick snatched from the fire,
yet you have not returned to me,”
declares the Lord.
12 “Therefore this is what I will do to you, Israel,
and because I will do this to you, Israel,
prepare to meet your God.”
13 He who forms the mountains,
who creates the wind,
and who reveals his thoughts to mankind,
who turns dawn to darkness,
and treads on the heights of the earth—
the Lord God Almighty is his name.
lol, Yoda! that’s funnee!!!
GLA – Also parents and others telling girls to make getting a career their main priority in life
here’s what they’re telling their daughters:
1. Get your college degree.
2. Establish your career.
3. Get married.
it is okay to get married after the degree but definitely not before it.
what’s ironic in all this is one of the reasons for the advice is so their kids don’t have it as hard as they did when they had to work through college, marriage, and having babies, and being dirt poor at the same time. but it’s during those times that build the character of individuals and marriages, if you let them.
and teaching your children to avoid hard times is like teaching them to avoid rain. but then they think that if they follow the formula they will avoid hard times, so when they come they freak out.
When a girl is pissy because she caught you looking at her tits look at her and say….
Like you bought that shirt at stripper’s discount because it showcases your intellect
Strangely, women project in themselves what they find attractive in men in vain hopes that men will find the same traits attractive about them. They think the lofty credentials and fancy job title they have is sexually attractive to men, and they couldn’t be more wrong… nah wait, they can always be more wrong and usually are.
isn’t this true for all people? that we project what we know onto others because … it’s what we know … until/unless we’re taught differently … that people are different … that men and women are different …
… oops … that’s it right there. women are taught they’re not different than men. they’re taught they’re better than men. and they don’t see those two as a paradox? how can women be the same but better than men? whatever.
“Yes, I’m looking at your tits because you haven’t tried to engage my MIND,”
lolol!
Horseman – Um… Hate to tell y’all but no one is asking anyone out anymore.
And with everyone buried in their smart phones its really hard to talk to anyone.
this is so sad 😦
my girls and i went out tonight while husband was working, and i so enjoyed being entertained by their stories of medieval times. my girls amaze me – they have such sharp memories. i could hardly keep up with all the ins and outs of the history they were sharing.
how much we miss when we don’t allow for ‘negative’ space in time to just wait, and listen, and think, and speak, and tell stories. not every moment needs to be visually or verbally filled.
Yoda – LOLOL!!!
my girls thought that was funnee, too!!!
Yea… definitely puts the fear of God into you! I think that’s good though, for people to have that fear.
Olympic skaters small boobs they have
I’ve never had a woman mad at me if she ever caught me staring there.
Heck even a few times when I’m looking at her eyes sometimes they aren’t exactly looking at mine…they’re looking somewhere else on my body…and I don’t get all offeneded by it.
Women think they are sneaky about that…but they’re not.
I like the term ‘cow’ for that type of wimminz. The Word of God often uses animals as the shiv to awful people instead of insults.
‘Olympic skaters small boobs they have’
They probably compress those things tight enough in their leotards so they don’t get in the way.
Effort is one thing.
Focused effort is something else entirely.
Marketing tells us something about the human condition: we don’t all like the same thing. Henry Ford is probably the most visible example to point to of someone who exploited this truth. Marketers have been profiting off of this truth ever since.
He’s a 10. But not everyone thinks so, because we don’t all like the same thing.
She’s a 10. But not everyone thinks so, because we don’t all like the same thing.
On an individual level, how we gonna find the one or several who think we are a 10? On an individual level, how we gonna find the one or several who give a damn that we think they are a 10?
For most of us the search is too expensive for us to ever hope of finding the most perfect “right one” in the midst of 7 billion people. Settling for “whatever works” is a more workable option – something that folks have done for thousands of years. The truth is – for most of us, we end up with whoever will have us. Ignoring the issue of frivorce for now, that is the most certain path to not ending up sad and alone in our old age. That and focus on “being the right person” much more than “finding the right person”.
“Get out there and attract attention” seems to be the central advice of this thread. But attract attention from whom, where? We don’t all like the same thing. So how do any of us know where to go to get the best chance of becoming “visible” to someone who will like us?
Well, like calls to like. Farmers daughters generally marry farmers sons – because that is who they know. So – know yourself. What are your interests? What are your skill sets? Go be active in the arena in which your interests and skills sets operate (I’m not talking about drinking beer and throwing darts here)**. If you find someone of the opposite sex there also, chances are they will be at least close to the group of folks who are going to notice you – because you are at least in their orbit, doing things in which they are interested.
Since we don’t all like the same things, it is an exercise in futility to not consider your audience before you make the effort to present yourself to them.
** Stephanie is a good example of this. She busies herself in many of the activities that provide support for the police force where she lives. If she was not married, but was attracted to the type of man that police officers represent, she would certainly up her chances of being noticed by participating in these police force support activites – much more so than if, say, she instead involved herself in local political issues with groups that did not contain any policmen.
Horseman I think you guys scare most the gals from commenting but from the stats hundreds more read daily than ever comment! (Hello! 🙂 )
That’s probably because everything here contradicts everything that they’ve ever learned, or they are Vice and HuffPost writers that are looking for ammunition to prove that you have Stockholm syndrome from all of these misogynists. 😉
@ Stephanie wow that is quite the karma story :^\
These seem to be the main points offered in this thread:
1. Men have pretty much stopped looking.
2. You’ve got to make yourself visible in order to attract a mate
3. We don’t all like the same things (so make yourself visible where they will like you)
A statement that even Zippy would probably conclude is logically coherent is this: It does little good to make yourself visible in an environment where most men are not even looking, and those who are don’t care for what you have to offer.
It is one thing to praise the idea of getting married young and making babies right away. It is quite another to acknowledge the truth presented in this thread: it is getting harder than ever to get married right out of high school and make babies. It has become more about finding the market that will appreciate what you have to offer, and making yourself visible there. For many women, that market is college.
There was a girl one grade ahead of me in high-school who was brilliant, and extremely homely. She could do chemistry and physics stuff better than any male in the high school. “Settle down with one of the local boys and make babies right out of high school” was advice that would not work for her. None of the local guys would have her. So she got her PhD, attracted the attention of another PhD that would have her, and they built a pretty good life together.
Folks here accept the truth that we are not all the same. But they then seem to stumble when thinking that one solution will work the best for everyone. It won’t. We are not all the same. Therefore, whether we want to admit it or not, we are a layered society. When the boys in high school want nothing to do with the girl because she is too bright, is it really correct to say that her parents sent her to college so she won’t have it as hard as the parents did?
The manosphere oversimplifies many things, and this is one of them. We are not all the same. Therefore one solution will not fit all. In order to attract the attention of someone who will think we are a 10, we must present ourselves where these people congregate. For some folks, the high school crowd is enough. For others, like the girl in my example, they need to get to the PhD crowd. But not just the PhD crowd – the right PhD crowd (Chemistry rather than Education).
For the argument to be legitimate, we can’t just blindly regurgitate the meme that girls should get married young and make babies right away – at the same time we are admitting that guys have stopped looking (so who will they get married to and make babies with). But that is what is being done.
Better that we should accept the reality that is: know yourself; then present yourself in the environment where there will be folks who like who and what you are. And, the bottom line is that for many men and women, the person that will have them will never appear. If this happens, it is better that both men and women have skills to fall back on with which to earn a living so they don’t become a burden to society. But – more than just earning a living – strive to contribute to society at the highest level that your mind will allow you to. Whether at the high-school graduate or PhD level. That is a noble pursuit also. There is a need for folks all along the way, not just at one station.
Full many a gem of purest ray serene,
The dark unfathom’d caves of ocean bear:
Full many a flow’r is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44299/elegy-written-in-a-country-churchyard
14th stanza down
Hello!
Was at a swim party years ago and a beautiful young woman wearing a bright red bikini top was perplexed that the guys were looking at her boobs rather than her face. I remember looking at her thinking she couldn’t be that stupid.
>many men today aren’t even seeking marriage.
I am one of them. I am looking for a baby momma and I don’t plan on ever marrying her.
RichardP –
for someone without family support – know yourself, know your abilities and strengths and weaknesses. know your realistic choices. know what you’re choosing for and against with each choice. and do the best you can with what you have with the circumstances you’re in.
for parents … know your kid. know your kid. know your kid. and guide them to make the best choices for them with the information available and realistic choices available.
there are always variables. i’m not a fan of blanket parenting. there are some things in parenting that have to be the same for all kids in your household. but there are others than can be personal according to the individual.
I believe God created each of us … that He designed us before the foundation of the world with purpose and intention … and that He has a purpose for each of our lives. I can’t answer all the myriad of questions that surround that. but I do know that God can take whatever we have to offer Him and make out of it something that not only brings honor to Him but is also for our good, and that is pretty freakin amazing.
‘Was at a swim party years ago and a beautiful young woman wearing a bright red bikini top was perplexed that the guys were looking at her boobs rather than her face. I remember looking at her thinking she couldn’t be that stupid.’
Every day is just another example of how most women don’t understand cause and effect.
I’m sure there’s also plenty of attractive women who wonder why guys stare at her backside when she is wearing yoga pants.
Ever since I figured out that most single women the first thing they look at when they see me is my eyes…I start out with eye contact. That’s when I figured out that sneaky little thing they do.
RP, I think most here are aware we are speaking in generalities unless someone brings up a specific example
As for the lady with a phd…… girls say intelligence is sexy. Here we have a guy who is clearly intelligent, phd in the chemistry and the best he can pull is an ugly chick.
#1) something is up…
#2) doesn’t sound like a good deal for the guy.
Yoga pants….
This one day at band camp a state department whore…. I mean chick with a master’s degree, a head full of stupid ass hippie shit, and a rather nice body( 5 face/8 body) came to one of our meetings wearing yoga pants and a sports bra. Of course the dudes on my crew eye banged her. She then complained to me, I told her to dress professional next time…. well I said don’t dress like a slut….which started this whole big deal.
Ok. Why the fuck would you dress like that to a pre op brief? #2 why would you cause problems with the guys responsible for your safety? #3 who is stupid enough to think guys who shoot people for a living arent going to eye bang eye candy?
“It is quite another to acknowledge the truth presented in this thread: it is getting harder than ever to get married right out of high school and make babies. It has become more about finding the market that will appreciate what you have to offer, and making yourself visible there. For many women, that market is college.”
It feels like dejavu whenever this topic comes up (lol which is … A LOT in the manosphere)! Like every few weeks!!!!
Yes, it’s harder, but you know it’s actually a TON easier than you’d imagine for young women if they’re in the right places. We still know Christian groups who produce quite a bit of Christian marriages each year, and young marriages at that. But maybe it’s because it’s Texas and the South and people value that more here. I saw all kinds of women get married in those groups… even 3 friends I had who had light forms of cerebral palsy… a couple of women I knew who were over 100 lbs overweight found husbands (good men, too)… and lots of shy girls or “homely” girls found husbands fairly easily… but the easiest were women who made themselves attractive, were friendly and kind to the guys in the group, and showed their interest when they were interested.
Problems came up for those who were still “too shy”… and some who were very overweight but lusted (literally lol!) after men who were in the top 3% of looks and physique. Those are still not married and they were older than I was! I don’t understand what’s going on there in their minds… why they don’t try to 1) lose weight and up attraction levels or 2) lower their standards and pick someone who IS attracted to them. It’s a mystery to me why some women just want a good man who is funny and has good character (those were my main things), and some want a super hawt dude yet they’re overweight themselves. It makes no sense.
RP it’s funny that you say that about the police men LOL… I do like to joke with my man that I’m a “Badge Bunny” – women who only go after police because of the sexy uniform thing LOL….
But I actually never wanted to be married to a police officer… or a doctor! I didn’t want that kind of life at all. This is me “embracing” the choice I made in marrying young and supporting him, whether I like it or not lol.
Is a woman truly intelligent if she wastes her most fertile years in education and career expecting men to find her a suitable mate at age 30? I personally don’t think so. Best of luck to those who do.
I remember back in high school during my sophomore year, there was this girl who was smart enough to be at the top of the class in all AP classes who was attracted to me, yet she wasn’t smart enough to understand basic diet and exercise to keep her fat ass in shape and she expected me to feel attraction for her back. I’m sure there must have been some thirsty simp out there who would have wanted to wife that up, but it damn sure wasn’t me.
‘who is stupid enough to think guys who shoot people for a living arent going to eye bang eye candy?’
What woman is stupid enough to think any guy isn’t going to do that? I mean even gay men notice.
In regards to men no longer asking women out, I disagree. I go on dates often. I also see lots of young couples out and about. First dates are great and the guys are gentleman and we have great conversations. I love learning new things from them. Prior to the date, I let them know I’m not ‘ready for anything’ meaning don’t expect sex afterwards. They always say no problem and we have a great time. However, the difficult part for me is them asking for a follow-up date. I’m not out to use anyone for a free meal and I know date #2 might come with expectations. I love to continue getting to know the person yet worry that as the dinner tabs increase my sex debt to them also increases.
‘However, the difficult part for me is them asking for a follow-up date. I’m not out to use anyone for a free meal and I know date #2 might come with expectations. I love to continue getting to know the person yet worry that as the dinner tabs increase my sex debt to them also increases. ‘
I always thought that was on the guy if he’s the one setting up the date. Don’t feel pressured to give your body away because he doesn’t get that spending a lot of money on a woman he barely knows is a dumb tactic. Really that act is meant for your spouse anyway…not who spends the most on dates.
My first three date ideas are always cheap…coffee, walk in the park, something fun. I’m not spending a lot of money to impress a woman and I don’t even really consider dinner dates until we are in more of a commited relationship.
Love, if you tell them “you aren’t ready for anything” they may misinterpret that to mean that you don’t want a serious relationship headed for marriage and children (what you say you want, right?).
It might be better to state your expectations, but in a playful, coy way. 😀 For Christians who are serious about waiting until marriage, the girls kind of know that as the couple gets closer, you DO get more physical with holding hands, being physically close (pressing your body more into him when you’re sitting together or hugging etc….) It gets more physical the longer you’re dating but with Christian couples they usually draw the line together somewhere and then try to stay above that line. It’s EXTREMELY hard lol… but they don’t withhold all affection and there is an expectation that things will progress physically the longer they date.
It’s why their engagements tend to be 3-6 months… so they can get to the sex part quicker lol
Yes that’s how it usually works.
Although I have yet to have a woman state her expectations to me. I’m always the one doing it. I just assume she’ll either follow it or eventually break up…which is also the case.
In fact on the first few dates I wouldn’t even bring up something serious like the ‘I’m not ready for anything’ comment. It’s a date…not a enagagement or something life or death. If the guy brings up the seriousness of wanting sex then you can say that or say you are looking for marriage and family. At least it won’t be a vague gray area and you know where you would stand with the guy.
I agree that if someone is doing the asking, they’re doing the paying. I leave it up to them to pick the place and set up the date. They’ve all been very kind to ask me what I prefer. I have enjoyed my time with each of them and greatly appreciate their generosity. The majority express that they’re looking for a serious relationship. Yet I doubt they plan to do so by taking women out to many nice dinners with only the expectation of conversation and company.
Well have any of them ever hinted or outright said they wanted sex after the date 2, 3 ,4, etc? It could be don’t worry about that bridge until you cross it.
Heck i’ve had more women hint at it to me…they seem to be putting more pressure on doing that than I have.
No, I’ve never had any man say outright that they wanted sex after our first date. They’ve all been gentleman. However as I read more about red pill, I want to be more aware and compassionate for men. I understand it is so much more difficult for men in the dating scene. Hence why I don’t want to take advantage of their generosity and lead them on with hopes of sex.