Tags
break up, break ups, commitment, commitment phobia, dating, love, marriage, red pill, Skittles Guy
Shortly after my guy and I started dating, an 8 pound bag of skittles arrived by mail. It was a gag gift, based on the game advice to, “Be a Skittles Guy.”
Of course in this case it was a joke between two red pill types, but I do have to say by the time they were gone, my girls and I were skittles-proof. If we never eat another Skittles again, we’d be OK with it.
The Skittles Guy concept is based off a story of a gal who complained online how bad her jerk boy lover was to her, he was mostly only interested in booty calls, would disappear for stretches of time only to explain when he resurfaced that he, “was busy,” and never gave her anything but a bag of skittles. Despite this, she was upset he’d decided to end things!
I have seen acquaintances in such relationships (if one could call them that) in real life and the dynamic can be irrationally strong. Gals will cling to guys who give next to nothing in return. Hope it will turn into more. Will jump through hoops to be with him. Will often have sad stories of broken plans and ways he’s wronged her, yet she continues. If she asks for more, Skittles Man usually vanishes rather than changes his ways or puts a ring on it.
Women in such situations often view themselves as the victim, the injured or wronged party. But are they? Or are their own choices leading to their outcomes?
My advice would be to beware getting involved with Skittles Guy in the first place. If you already are in such a relationship recognize this and break it off so you can find more. Or if you choose to continue, own it and realize you are agreeing to the deal, you are not a powerless victim.
Maybe the Skittles Guy is a bad guy, maybe not. That’s kind of irrelevant versus seeing he is who he is. And understanding that no matter what one sees in the movies, Skittles Guys do not magically and suddenly turn into something else. Maybe someday he will be in a place where he’s looking to commit, but if he’s not doing it already, it’s not now and it’s not with you. That’s the reality.
If you don’t take my word for it, here’s an excellent post by a guy explaining the price of being tied up with a Skittles Guy if what you really want is something more.
Life is a series of choices leading to good things or bad things. Choose wisely.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
‘And understanding that no matter what one sees in the movies, Skittles Guys do not magically and suddenly turn into something else.’
Well he’s certainly not going to change his ways if you have promiscous sex with him or nag him to death. Conversion of heart comes through virtuous behavior or at the very least having moral standards for yourself.
‘Maybe someday he will be in a place where he’s looking to commit, but if he’s not doing it already, it’s not now and it’s not with you. That’s the reality.’
And I look at it the same with women. There’s plenty out there whose actions are firmly in the not commitment booth even if they say they want it.
Same thing happens to BP men. They hang onto women who give them nothing in return. It’s become increasingly common but part of it might be the legal ramifications of divorce.
If Skittles guy did put a ring on it, wouldn’t the tables have turned?
There are women men date and women men marry and you can’t be both. If you give a man head on the first date, he will never, ever, see you as the latter. Just because he’ll go home with you, doesn’t mean he’ll have breakfast with you.
@ hyperborean true, women can also put little to no effort in. Also not good. Indeed in a way Skittles Guy not being in pre commitment is similar to a gal who stops bein in post commitment. And yes the cost of leaving Skittles Guy is low in comparison. And perhaps Skittles Guy knows this? Thanks for adding that!
The concept itself is present in both sexes really. I’m just not sure how many men blame the woman or play the victim for the choices the man made. Men in general I think take it harder because they seem themselves responsible for it.
Although even that might be changing if men are more aware of the actions the woman herself is doing.
Hyperborean…”Same thing happens to BP men. They hang onto women who give them nothing in return.”
Humans…people in general…have a tendency to *want what they can’t have*, or at least *what they find difficult to get*. Scarcity creates a perception of value. The effect does seem to be stronger for women, though.
Yes, there is an element to all this that on the surface is irrational. The scarcity angle and perceived value likely plays into what fuels the dynamic. But I think naming these patterns and becoming conscious of them is key, too. Is the wanna be thug who never calls really “scarce” or “high value.” Or is the guy truly rare and high value?
I avoided going too much into the guy side of this bc that’s covered elsewhere in the manosphere. For guys, especially guys who are BP, holding back a bit might improve their results, vs acting in a way that logically they’d think would indicate he’s a “good guy” not a “Skittles Guy” but May in fact be working against him, at least in the beginning.
It’s a weird dance. Good to at least be conscious of it vs. letting feelz and emotional triggers lead to disaster.
Nah, Skittles man is overrated. Bitches love the M&M’s guy, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups guy, the Snickers guy, and the Tootsie Roll guy.
and the Chocolate Chip Cookie guy.
and a touch of devil may care;
😉
Don’t even get me started on the Hagandaaz/Ben&Jerry’s Ice Cream guy. Yeah, they love love love the fuck outta that dude.
I thought a lot of women liked Sugar Daddy’s?
@gla yes, all better choices! Lol.
Nice play on words Earl! Lol.
Another thing about Skittles Guy style “relationships” is that they can be very emotionally damaging, with lots of highs and lows. This is not good, and likely leads to lowered expectations and more of the same. I haven’t seen a gal come out of it stronger and more emotionally stable, anyway. More likely she comes out of it a head case and more so with each such experience. Yet gals are practically taught by today’s standards to EXPECT this, and “that’s how guys are” which is kinda the opposite of the whole direction the “go gurrrl” path is supposed to lead. Ironic?
Like that other blog I found where the gal journals her experience with a guy like that.
Sometimes it only takes one for them to go down that path.
@ earl; they most definitely do on Seeking Arrangement and other such apps
What women like this will tolerate is related to their own sense of self worth. The less they value themselves, the more shit they put up with.
Bags of Skittles? She must have been a pretty good lay
Another thing about Skittles Guy style “relationships” is that they can be very emotionally damaging, with lots of highs and lows. This is……
Why chicks staay with dudes and ditch Steady Eddie
From the comments section of the Skittle link above, and reflects the conversation going on at the end of the previous thread:
some advice for the ladies:
when a man is in love and wants marriage, he makes it happen. He scouts the reception hall, speaks to the pastor, signs the band, and chooses the hymns. Whatever he values, he executes. If he doesn’t value the things I’ve mentioned, then find out what he does value and allow him to execute it.
“The less they value themselves, the more shit they put up with.”
Nonsense, there are many women out there full of pride who will go out of their way to please the right man at the right time at the right place who used the right line.
After all those girls are sooooo strong and independent and they express it accordingly. 😉
A common explanation for these style relationships is the girl has low self esteem, or past baggage, or some unhealthy draw to guys like that. However, I am not so sure. The girls may end up w those issues from the experience itself, rather than starting out w them. It is kind of a chicken/egg thing.
The past courtship model where commitment was made first, then sex, was likely a stop gap that prevented this from happening. Today that model is flipped, sex often occurs before commitment, and in many ways removes the incentive to commit — he’s already getting sex, why commit?
Likewise, male family members once screened suitors for “suitability.” In my experience men can spot a cad guy much faster/better than women can. (Similar to how women can see girl games more clearly than men.) again today’s model removes that step, the girl chooses for herself.
I have said before the old ways developed over time for a reason – and while not 100% of the time perfect, they mostly kept things in check. Or like a JFK quote I saw elsewhere yesterday put it, “Don’t take down a fence until you understand why it was put up to begin with.”
Patriarchy protected women in ways they are not protected today. It had many upsides, few of which are ever discussed in the modern discourse.
Of course women today could still follow the old ways, which I am a fan of. Delaying sexual activity until after a commitment decision is made may lead to less dating, but also less damage from non-commitments. Involving male family/mentors/peers in screening potential candidates requires really being willing to take their advice even if you “feel” they are wrong, but again could prevent a lot of potentially damaging prospects.
But can young women do so after being taught their whole lives “that’s oppression” and so on? I know in my youth I had men give good counsel I foolishly did not heed. Only with time did I see they were right and listening could have saved me a lot of trouble, time, and pain.
Beware, ladies!
Delaying sex before commitment is ideal. Women would understand they are worth the wait and. The cads will get tired of waiting and move on. The higher value men will see it through.
The old ways is a girl’s father trading her to her husband’s family for a bride price and with a dowery of some sorts.
Your old way is still the new, enlightened feminist way
True Ton, thanks for adding that. I should have looked back 100+ years rather than 50!
Like Stephanie’s example in the previous thread, a dad running interference can be a very good thing.
“Delaying sex before commitment is ideal” until she saw the Skittles and just had to have some
.” Women would understand they are worth the wait and…” then go for the Skittles
“The cads will get tired of waiting and move on…” after she ate all the Skittles
” The higher value men will see it through…” and not give her any Skittles
After all those girls are sooooo strong and independent and they express it accordingly.
Many colors skittles have
Choose which color every time she eats one she does
‘But can young women do so after being taught their whole lives “that’s oppression” and so on?’
I don’t think women know what oppression actually means.
Just because you can’t do anything/everything you want doesn’t mean you are oppressed.
It’s my never humble opinion one of the reasons why shit is so fucked is the traditional and conservative folks think how things were done in the very liberal 1950’s, 1940’s etc etc is old school
@ Yoda; taste the rainbow, she does lozlzozzlzozzozozozzol
As a man, no woman is worth the wait.
@ Ton; because of video footage. Most people nowadays don’t read, and if they do, it’s usually something trivial.
and Gen Xers and Millennials weren’t alive back then so, it is old school to them.
Prefer M&Ms I might
For melt in your mouth and not in your hands they do
He-He-he
@ Yoda;
That’s what she said
Said “boob” she did?
Nah, what the M&M’s do for her
I probably would have answered the same way as that kid on that test except I would have spelled as bewwwwbies. But that stick figure drawing is spot on.
“bewwwwbies” ends in “b” not
Great proportions the stick figure has it does
I believe a lot of women that are drawn to Skittles guy, are so because they are afraid of intimacy or do not understand it. The Skittles guy is unattainable … Mysterious …. Challenging…. Basically he’s a lot of hype. And most females know this. These men are only as powerful as a woman makes them. Yet ironically the Skittles man is safe. Safe from real commitment and actual intimacy. In an odd way, Skittles man and said girl are made for each other … Neither understands what true love is… And both are absolutely scared of it.
She is not a victim but a very willing participant in this game.
Not even your daughter, Ton? She’s a woman….
Bravo GLA, well said!
Very well put Love, she can blame it all on Skittles Guy rather than admit he provides the perfect amount of no expectation relationship she herself is willing/able to give. Plausible deniability…
In any case a lot of these women in those relationships seem to think very highly of themselves and hate on men.
Hating on or blaming men is a lot easier than owning ones own poor choices, at least on the surface. But taking ownership is actually true empowerment. Nobody can make you do or feel anything unless you LET them.
And if you LET them, well that’s a choice. YOUR choice. Being a victim, in the most liberated society on the planet pretty much, is a choice.
Choose wisely. Remember there are women who don’t even have choices. If you don’t choose wisely, you only reaffirm the idea that women cannot make wise choices.
I wouldn’t have waited. But I reckon that’s why marriage is for the young and foolish
People are immature enough to have emotional needs.
Way I reckon things is like this, when someone stays in a shit situation said shit situation is fulfilling their needs some how. Chicks love emotional roller coasters and they love to play the victim and they love how those sort of things will make them the center of attention with their gal pals and what not. So they stay, they are having certain needs meet even though it dont make one bit of sense from the outside looking in.
Women also live in an self imposed smp scarcity mindset since they only see about 20% of the men in the world as sexually viable options. They will endure a lot to keep their boxes full of that top 20% baby batter
I know that was supposed to be a gotcha question but near on weekly I have to correct my daughter on some magical and unfair thinking she has towards her owner and children
Sooooo my son in laws main advantage is his father in law
@Ton she is lucky to have your help, as is he. As someone who has navigated life w/o a father (car accident, I was 2) I truly believe much of my misunderstanding of men, relationships, and such stem from just not having that male figurehead, guide, and yes at times tough love.
Like the discussion above, we need the eternal Father and our earthly father too. The eternal Father corrects us for our own good, the earthly father does the same on a human level. Or should. Today fathers are less likely to take this role (society does not support such gathering and paints it as the evil patriarchy etc., boys are raised to “not be like that,” dads are marginalized or not in the home, dads are too indulgent, lots of reasons) but their children suffer from lack of direction and likely struggle more than they would have w it. I think our society shows the outcome of this new trend more and more.
Ton – the following is said only partly tongue-in-check.
You’ve been examining that elephant’s tail for an awfully long time. It’s time you move on to discover there are other parts of the elephant.
Except that: (now I will directly contradict myself)
Maybe you can’t because you don’t perceive that there is any more to the elephant than the tail.
We don’t respond to what is. We can only respond to what we perceive with our five senses. Everybody’s five senses are a unique mix of working really well and not working very well or maybe not working at all (deaf, dumb, blind, etc.)
Some folks insist that, if they can’t see it (actually, perceive it) it doesn’t exist. Folks who understand the truth referred to in the previous paragraph generally understand that much exists that they don’t perceive
Ton, you have a very specific point of view that is unique to your personal combination of five senses. That personal combination of five sense that delivers information to you is not the same for everybody. That truth is what drives different behaviors, and there is not much any of us can do about it. In continuing to criticize those who behave differently from you or what you expect, you are sounding like a whinner. But then, I suspect you already know what I’ve said here and are just having fun rattling people’s cages with the persona you’ve developed for that purpose.
Here’s something about this subject to read for when you get bored.
Bounded Rationality
Cognitive Limits to Rationality
What the fuck are you talking about RP
Not at all surprising. In today’s dating game, most women chase the bad boy because it gets them a tad hot under. Meanwhile the nice guys that they claim to love are crushed.