Tags
happiness comes from within, marriage, matronly, mom with style, never give up, red pill, SAHM, stay at home mom
A stay at home mom I met via my youngest”s former preschool has been making a positive transformation over the past few years.
Its hard to guess her age, but I suspect she may be younger than I initially thought. As far as I know she and her husband have been together since college. They have three boys, the oldest is around 15.
When I first met her she was matronly. Baggy ill fitting clothes. A short “busy mom” haircut with little style or flair. A thick but not obese figure. And she always looked tired. She looked lonely.
When I met her husband I was surprised how much more attractive he was than she. Tall. Fit. Well dressed. Professional. He’s an architect, his brother a doctor. In college I suspect he was geeky and thin, but today he’s grown into his frame and is a good looking man.
I puzzled at the mismatch and wondered how that had occurred. I suspect she had lost herself in three young children and the stay at home churn. I worried.
Maybe a year later I started to notice little changes. She started adding a bit of flair to her outfits. A pop of color. A flattering style. Her hair improved too. Gone was the blah blob hair, and in its place was a still easy but more flattering layered wash and wear look. She was slimming down.
Rather than the rudderlessnrss of days before, she seemed to be signing up for activities and had plans for the time her kids were in school. Instead of showing up in sweats like she just rolled out of bed, she’d showered and done her hair and gotten ready.
Not to be unkind but she’s not a natural beauty. But the changes she made have been a big improvement. Instead of, “a mom who has given up” now she’s striking, pulled together, interesting, polished. Not a head turner but also making the most of the look she’s got, similar to Lynnn Redgrave, maybe.
I don’t get the feeling there was struggle in her marriage, her husband seems like a kind good man, who is good to her, still a bit of a goofball underneath. I really think it was about her, and what happens to many women as moms, who momentarily lose them self, and I am so glad she seems to have pulled herself together and decided SHE needed to make her life what she wanted. And did.
It was a really wise move, to take responsibility for her own happiness rather than blame her husband or family or leave her marriage or some silliness thinking that was the answer.
I don’t know her well but from what I see she’s back on her path. Makes me happy to see it!
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
50 bucks says she plays the I’m not haaaaaaappppy card within the year.
Saw it repeatedly in my nurses.
Yes she has “seen the light” but it aint for hubby, its for the fictional chadsavemefromdrudgery in her fantasies.
She is upping her girl game thinking to quietly find a “ooops it just happened” moment.
I pray I am wrong but I literally have seen it at least a dozen times.
Humans are lazy. No one expends such effort without a goal.
There is a 5% chance that hubby found the manosphere and is applying dread….but odds are against it.
Sorry to be a bummer but just sayin
Poor beta
Horseman maybe. I have wondered the same, but if so she will never do better than right now. I hope she sees that.
Even if he doesn’t dread her, I bet other women eyeing him as an easy target might be!
Despite the manosphere maxim that most women peak at about age 25 (or younger), some women grow into their looks. She might be one of them.
I think the bigger issue is her not working. Yes, stay home when the kids are young. But by the time they’re in high school, get out of the house and at least work part-time (like my mother did then).
Kids need time to learn to fend for themselves a bit. Since both my parents worked, it was up to me to fix things around the house and, later on, drive my younger brother places. I was forced to learn self-reliance and responsibility. Kids need this or else you get helpless whiners in college who need their folks every ten minutes.
She looks similar to this but w brunette hair and a bit longer. Not a beauty but doing her best w it. https://depositphotos.com/16563945/stock-photo-lynn-redgrave.html
I guarantee in the open market she would not do better than what she has right now. I get the sense she knows this. It’s not a new man she needs but some increasing interests and purpose as her three sons age. The youngest is in first grade, so they are a way from grown yet but all in school full day.
Bloom
Knowing the deal has nothing to do with it.
Its about the feelz damnit!!
I’ve pushed out kids!!
I stayed home like a good mom!!
I changed diapers! I did housework!!
I’m bored! I’m unfulfilled! I waaaant! I neeeeeeed!
And he is ssssssooooooooooo boriiiiiing!
I’m just looking! Nothing is gonna happen! Its just coffee!
What?
What?
So she does an hour of cleanup in the morning say til 10.
Starts dinner, getting ready for kids to come home around 3.
Aaaaaaaand for the rest of the day…….????
She dwells.
She is bored.
She fantasizes.
She is alone with the internet……..
Sahm works til the youngest is in school all day.
Then ……..
She has no knowledge of the open market.
She just knows she is better than she was.
And the old her got good hubby…
So new her should get even better….riiiiiiight!!!?? Right?
P.s. please count the “you look great, go girl, etc comments on her recent selfies on social media and report the number back to us.
Yes I am an asshole but truth hurts.
I’ve heard from women like that sometimes via email. It’s usually plain ones that let themselves go that far downhill… and yes, I do think it has something to do with realizing “oh!!! My husband is going to be attractive to women more beautiful than I!!!” That makes them get off their bums and lose the weight… start dressing nicer and not so matronly… actually wearing their hair down and styled instead of up and frizzy all the time (laziness).
I sound mean, but it’s like they trapped the man to some degree. He can’t cheat or leave, usually she’s had some kids by that time, so he’s stuck with someone who no longer puts in effort for him.
I think it’s sad. And their reasoning for getting better looking (the fear of other women) isn’t really all that healthy imo.
I know Liz said before one time… that women like that who intentionally go after the nerdy skinnier men… they want that control over him and they know they’re also plain.
But then once he fills out and gets closer to 40 and starts looking gorgeous, they freak out and start losing the weight and doing their hair, etc. It can happen younger, but it’s usually because they’re insecure over the other women suddenly finding him attractive. When honestly, he didn’t used to be when she picked him.
Her hubby looks something like this but blue eyes: http://feelgrafix.com/962686-adam-brody.html
She scored by picking him young. She won’t do better.
Horseman I know the type you are talking about but she doesn’t have that irrational self confidence. As far as I have seen. She’s pretty mousy. I’d be very surprised if she had some clandestine thing going. But who knows? She’d be stupid to if so…
‘I know Liz said before one time… that women like that who intentionally go after the nerdy skinnier men… they want that control over him and they know they’re also plain.’
I think the majority of women seek out the man they can control the most or best. And his looks/money/status doesn’t mean he still can’t be controlled. Even your filled out jocks with athletic talent can be controlled by their woman.
The worst part is the longer the guy allows his wife to control everything…the more lifeless, less caring, and angry he becomes.
It’s likely she was hotter before she had kids. Having kids seems to hinder and age a woman drastically when it comes to physical appearance and attractiveness, unless she makes it a top priority to stay fit and looking good.
I should clarify the husband does not seem unhappy. They are close w his family and the kids all hang out together, they are pretty well I it into their community. thry are low drama, under the radar types.
Could be ash, I would be curious to see photos of her in college. But I doubt she was ever a stunner, not that she’s unattractive either. I think she fell into the mom look a little too much for a bit there.
Also to clarify she doesn’t seem controlling or like she runs the marriage. She’s very soft spoken actually. She keeps the sons in line in a good mom way, but I have never seen her he peck or sass her husband or do anything that seems like she’s trying to run things. He’s not super alpha either but she defers to him.
I don’t know their faith but I am guessing Catholic. They seem very solid, very family based, not at all train wreck types!
It’s good to see her taking responsibility unlike the majority of western women. Most are so quick to point fingers. At least she stepped up to the plate.
‘I know Liz said before one time… that women like that who intentionally go after the nerdy skinnier men… they want that control over him and they know they’re also plain.’
Have an in-law just like this. Nerdy (+3 SD IQ), skinny guy in college, but quite good-looking now. I was shocked when I met his fat, ugly wife. Kept thinking, “how the f*** did that happen.” Anyway he finally left her and the kids last year after a multi-year (4+) drought of zero intimacy, for another fat, not quite as ugly girl he met running in the park.
‘I should clarify the husband does not seem unhappy.’
Nobody knew the real extent of the problems until he left. It was more like, “what does he see in that ugly, bitch?”
@ headhunter sadly that’s often the case when people neglect their marriage. And the ones who really pay are the kids. 😦
I say, ‘Good for her!’ I think it’s sad when women lose themselves completely in becoming a wife and a mother. I’m glad she put some of those efforts into herself. Balance is good. Balance will help her keep her sanity…otherwise, the whole house will ultimately suffer.