Tags
balance, happiness, joy, negativity, perspective, positive thinking, positivity, red pill, risk management, upside
There is something about the human mind that tends to notice what’s wrong more that what’s right.
I would bet there’s a good reason, like being able to spot the potential dangers and threats quickly was once key to survival, and those who did it best survived.
But it can have a downside as well that can steal a lot of joy from life, relationships, work, and play. It can create a filter that screens out the many things going right and well.
Yes it’s great to spot the issue that could lead to a massive project failure so corrections can be made. But it’s also helpful to mention what’s going right with the plan, as well.
I have seen it in relationships, too. People can hyper fixate on every flaw, fault, failure, and letdown. This approach increases dissatisfaction and leads to struggles or even a breakup if it’s not balanced out by remembering and appreciating the many positive, good, and beneficial qualities a mate has as well.
An old management and personal communication technique recommends mentioning two things going right, then the thing going wrong, and wrapping with another positive. It helps keep things in perspective as well as minimizing feelings of the other party being attacked. I have found it works like a charm.
Try to shift your mind to look for the good as you go about your day, as well as watch out for the bad. My guess is you’ll start to notice there’s lots going right. There’s lots of good people. There’s lots of good circumstances. And while yes there are bad things too, maybe it’s not all bad. Maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe it’s better than it first seemed?
What do you think? Do you notice negatives more easily than positives? Have tips for seeing the upside? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I have always noticed that getting into relationships tends to be all about the woman making me some sort of hero and getting out is often about me being perceived as a jerk. Generally, I’m exactly the same guy, not heroic or jerk-like, in both cases. So much of it is about the situation in a person’s imagination. That IS something that is under the control of the imaginer. If they choose to control it. In these hardship free days the choice to see the positive is rarer than it used to be.
Most commonly you see the situation played out in the form of a person who is completely a glass half-full or half-empty sort. In other words they don’t just see their partner that way they see the while world that way. Half-full people these days are few and far between but it’s not that to spot them.
Man or woman, it’s always best to be seen as you really are. Too much of the imaginary hero or alpha or whatever will lead to disappointment and then it’s hard, if not impossible, to reclaim your status. If it’s an act you can never break character so you’d better inhabit that role for the rest of your life. A lot of the self improvement aspects of the Red Pill for men have been based on this. BE it don’t ACT it.
Somewhat to Alan’s point, I got tired of being the “hero” who saves the day for other people who planned poorly (or not at all) so this year I resolved to take off my cape and become Regular Man (TM). I’m happy to help out, and will share and share alike, but no more racing around to make sure other people don’t suffer the consequences of their own laziness or ineptitude. Since it was never really appreciated I’ve lost nothing and gained back some time and energy for myself.
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good–except God alone.” Mark 10:18
If you want to start looking for good, that’s where you start.
Allen, that’s how they justify their actions. It’s how they justify fucking you, it’s how they justify when they stop fucking you.
Whatever comes out of a woman’s mouth is bullshit, unless it’s your cock… and if the bitch don’t swallow your baby gravy, get a new one
Ton you seem extra gruff today, everything Olk? Or maybe you were short on time do cut to the chase? Even after all these years at times you still make me go, “did he just say that?” Lol.
LOL didn’t know extra verbiage was required
I would say humans experience negativity more acutely than positivity. For every step forward we take, a slip up will feel like two steps backwards. I myself am a realist, but I have no problem recognizing the good in things when it applies.
Maybe not extra verbiage as much as, ahem, some….ahhh nevermind.
LOL would you prefer bovine excrement, penis and seminal fuild?
Two things I admire about you Ton are your tenacity and courage. Truly unparalleled. Perhaps at times some wording can be abrupt. But overall, under all that gruff lies a big huge heart. You’re an honor to know. (Oops that’s two good, a suggestion, and two more good but that’s ok! See how smooth that works?)
I like to lay shit out in the harsh reality of life.
Works better that way
Wonder if Ton would have made a better Prime Minister than Golda Meir or Margaret Thatcher. Or – maybe at Ton’s part of the elephant, they aren’t considered women. There’s more to the elephant than the tail Ton. But maybe not ever for you.
‘I would say humans experience negativity more acutely than positivity. ‘
I had a boss who once said it only takes one ‘oh s*it” to wipe out a thousand ‘atta boys’.
Oh Yeah. Justification for sure. There was even a strangely insightful moment where a girlfriend expressed it sort of like, “that’s how I seduce myself.”
Over the years an amusing thing has been to watch how the reasons people have for getting together were often identical to their reasons for breaking up … just spoken with a positive spin in the beginning and then a negative one in the end. It really is okay to say that you just got tired of someone, it happens to all of us.
‘I like to lay shit out in the harsh reality of life. ‘
It’s been done.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+1&version=NASB
Ton – LOL!
Alan – you’re spot on. i can make my husband out to be the worst person in the world or the most amazing – it’s not simply what i focus on, but how i focus on it … or how i spin it. and that is my choice. i’ve found over time that if there’s discord between us, more times than not it’s my fault. … sooo … as i tell my kids all the time, i can straighten my butt out the easy way (do it myself) or the hard way (wait till my husband steps in and does it for me)! or God … that’s the really hard way. or even my kids now that they’re older … that’s the really humbling way 😉
Saying “I’m over it” would ruin her chance to play the victim, force her to take responsibility for her actions, utterly destroy the myth women crave life long commitment, etc etc so it ain’t going to happen.
“Alan – you’re spot on. i can make my husband out to be the worst person in the world or the most amazing – it’s not simply what i focus on, but how i focus on it … or how i spin it.”
This is true^^
It’s almost like being emotionally healthy is empowering.
Or at the very least more empowering than spreading emotional damage.
” that’s how they justify their actions. It’s how they justify fucking you, it’s how they justify when they stop fucking you.
Whatever comes out of a woman’s mouth is bullshit, unless it’s your cock… and if the bitch don’t swallow your baby gravy, get a new one”
I wish someone would have told me this back when I was 13. On an instinctual level I knew, but was still heavily blue pill about it.
That’s so true Alan, Ame, and Stephanie. The same man can be viewed very differently based on the woman’s feelz. And a lot of the time it’s her choice to feel or view things one way vs the other. I wish more women were aware of this rather than just go w the feelz, it’s so destructive to start seeing ONLY the negative!
“Maybe not extra verbiage as much as, ahem, some….ahhh nevermind.”
decorum was the word you were looking for.
“that’s how they justify their actions. It’s how they justify being sexually intimate with you, it’s how they justify when they stop being sexually intimate with you.
Whatever comes out of a woman’s mouth is pretty lies, unless it’s your genitalia… and if the woman in question is not enthusiastically desiring you , get a new one”
Fixed it for ya, Ton. Though, I like the way you said it better.
Just saw the RP’s comment about the female politicians
Odds are good those bitches….. I mean they are politicians so odds are good they are full of more bullsh….errr pretty lies then typical.
Hey Geroge, would you have believed me at 13?
I think the comments are more entertaining than the artcile. Im lost on what a Red Pill perspective is. Unless you’re talking about the Matrix n shizzle.
@elchubinebrae the comments are always the good stuff here! Lol. Welcome and enjoy! The term red pill does come from the movie, and in a similar way it means a mindset outside of the standard accepted “way things are/work.” kind of looking at current cultural and social norms and asking, “does that really work?” and if not figuring out well then what does? Like modern dating and relationships, for example. It’s hard to explain but interesting to examine.
My wife was a natural story teller. My wife made a point of only sharing positive stories about me to her parents, siblings, girlfriends, anyone outside our home. She knew my faults but would not share them with anyone except me. This was her way of respecting me and I really appreciated her for that.
She lost some girlfriends because she would not play, “bash the husbands” when they would get together for lunch.
“My wife was a natural story teller. My wife made a point of only sharing positive stories about me to her parents, siblings, girlfriends, anyone outside our home. She knew my faults but would not share them with anyone except me. This was her way of respecting me and I really appreciated her for that.
She lost some girlfriends because she would not play, “bash the husbands” when they would get together for lunch.”
^^Yes, Bee, I totally relate to your sweet late-wife. In my opinion, I’m protecting him in every way when I safe-guard his humanness. And that’s just what it is… he’s human, but he never has to fear that I’ll betray him.