Tags
advice, affair, affairs, divorce, frivorce, life, marriage, modern marriage, red pill, single dad, single mom, single parenting
A woman I know shared the following tale about her son and daughter in law the other day.
The couple dated for several years before getting married four years ago. A little over 18 months ago their baby girl was born.
He works for the National Guard. She is a part time nursing student and stay at home mom.
A little over a month ago, the wife revealed she was having an affair with a high school flame she reconnected with on Facebook. She told her husband she was considering a divorce.
A few days later she changed her mind and now says she wants to work on the marriage. It seems that means, “let’s pretend this never happened,” versus actually seeming to regret her affair or wanting to examine what happened. Rather than it being something big, it simply seems to be boredom.
His parents always worried about his choice, as the girl was prone to drama and conflict. The son made excuses for the behavior because of her, “tough childhood” and “parent’s nasty divorce.” She even worked very hard to win over his family before the wedding, saying how all she had ever wanted was a loving secure marriage like his parents have.
His mom and sister fear the wife is only biding her time, lining things up so she can serve him with divorce papers when the time is right.
Shes’s visiting her parents home an hour away more often these days, who also happen to live in the same area as the man she was seeing.
Of course there’s no way to know will she or won’t she pull the plug on her marriage, or if she’s continuing her affair, but it’s not looking good.
I hope she will come to her senses. I wish I could talk to her myself, warn her about what lies ahead if she persists in this foolishness. It only seems easier to start over, but it won’t be. Not even close.
If I could talk to him I would advise he take control of the situation rather than let her drive it, implement some dread and paint a good picture of what burning it all to the ground would look like if she persists.
Will they be another needless, senseless frivorce casualty? Only time will tell.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Hmmmmm
As an observer 4th down the line in this story…my thoughts won’t amount much to this situation…but I can make a general thought about this…
‘A little over a month ago, the wife revealed she was having an affair with a high school flame she reconnected with on Facebook. She told her husband she was considering a divorce.’
She made up her mind the minute she had the affair.
‘His parents always worried about his choice, as the girl was prone to drama and conflict. The son made excuses for the behavior because of her, “tough childhood” and “parent’s nasty divorce.” ‘
I’ve heard more than a few stories about the parents not approving or having a bad feeling about the choice. More often than not they are right. He seemed blue pill over the fact she had those in her background…plus I’d wonder what her N is. If she had lack of family stability I’d say her odds of being a virgin in the marriage were very low. The fact she had an affair with an old high school flame also leads me to believe she had some bond with the previous guy…perhaps he was her first?
‘His mom and sister fear the wife is only biding her time, lining things up so she can serve him with divorce papers when the time is right.’
I’d agree…a guy I know in this type of situation where his wife left him however he would see his wife be rather horny shall we say when he came around…however she was just biding her time until she served him the papers.
‘Shes’s visiting her parents home an hour away more often these days, who also happen to live in the same area as the man she was seeing.’
2 + 2 = ???
She has to make sure mommy & daddy have a room for her when she pulls the plug. She’s not going to be homeless.
The affair in my mind makes this a really hard situation to save the marriage. Women don’t know how much they mess it up by fornicating with a guy who isn’t committed to you while being with a guy who made the comittment.
Agreed Earl, I think you are reading the situation for what it is. Sadly. Of course we can’t really know, so it’s really not about this particular situation or people as much as it is about discussing this type of situation in general, which is common, in hopes someone facing similar will benefit.
Especially in this day and age…women don’t get how hard and unoften it is to get commitment from men anymore. And they throw it away so easily.
I’m not afraid to commit to a woman…but I’m also not afraid to leave if she wants to pull out the ejector button. My response the last two times was ‘ok’. Don’t play that game and win stupid prizes.
Some feral females can be so damn stupid at times. And by taking this cheating wife back for whatever reason shows his light isn’t all that bright either.
NO! Your position is absolutely WRONG! Cheating is an absolute deal breaker, because it shows a complete lack of respect or care for the other person. Things like that do not get better over time, they only get worse.
My STBX cheated on me a month after we got engaged, and I made the mistake of forgiving her for it. Over the next 30 years she took every opportunity to undermine me with our kids, lie to me about whether or not she had done something she promised to do, and over time crippled us financially.
once a cheater/liar, always a cheater/liar. He is better off bailing now, and saving himself years of grief and regret.
it is always easier to see things we are not directly involved with. I wish that someone had sat me down and had given me the same advice.
Fnu Mnu Lnu, for what it’s worth I totally agree with you, my small comment was not to imply otherwise, once a female cheats then show her the curb, not gently either. Been there.
i agree with FML. she’s not trustworthy, and IF she ever becomes so, it won’t be anytime soon.
he should hire the best lawyer possible, do everything to get custody of the kid, and move on.
On a very positive side however, Fnu Mnu Lnu, complete recovery from an unfaithful female is possible. Not long after I disposed of the ex-wife, I met and married a lovely lady in 1993 and two months from now we will celebrate 25 years together.
oh, I am sorry. my comment was directed at RPGN, not to you.
sorry you have gone through that as well.
with mine, it wasn’t until after the birth of our first child that she told me that she had committed adultery with someone else’ husband before we met. If it wasn’t for our having a son, I would have left her right then.
Probably should have anyway…
no problem, dude. Yeah, seems to me these american females think they have a free pass to do what they please in or out of marriage; they do not. I totally understand your position and how you feel…Leaving am unfaithful wife takes a lot of thought and consideration how much damage you can inflict or absorb in return. I went full scorched earth with my ex and do not regret one thing.
This is the way of an adulterous woman:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
And says, “I have done no wickedness.”
Proverbs 30:20
Yes, the Bible nails it, Ame. When a wife has sex with another man other than her husband, she is openly declaring war. It is too bad that men cannot recognize this as it is, the cheating wife has become an blood enemy and ought to be treated as such.
Larry, it seems that when someone is pulling away from us by their own intention, we tend to chase after them. this never works.
this is also very interesting … note, especially, the last sentence, v31:
Numbers 5:11 Then the Lord said to Moses, 12 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘If a man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him 13 so that another man has sexual relations with her, and this is hidden from her husband and her impurity is undetected (since there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act), 14 and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure—or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure— 15 then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah[c] of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour olive oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder-offering to draw attention to wrongdoing.
16 “‘The priest shall bring her and have her stand before the Lord. 17 Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water. 18 After the priest has had the woman stand before the Lord, he shall loosen her hair and place in her hands the reminder-offering, the grain offering for jealousy, while he himself holds the bitter water that brings a curse. 19 Then the priest shall put the woman under oath and say to her, “If no other man has had sexual relations with you and you have not gone astray and become impure while married to your husband, may this bitter water that brings a curse not harm you. 20 But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband”— 21 here the priest is to put the woman under this curse—“may the Lord cause you to become a curse[d] among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. 22 May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries.”
“‘Then the woman is to say, “Amen. So be it.”
23 “‘The priest is to write these curses on a scroll and then wash them off into the bitter water. 24 He shall make the woman drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and this water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering will enter her. 25 The priest is to take from her hands the grain offering for jealousy, wave it before the Lord and bring it to the altar. 26 The priest is then to take a handful of the grain offering as a memorial[e] offering and burn it on the altar; after that, he is to have the woman drink the water. 27 If she has made herself impure and been unfaithful to her husband, this will be the result: When she is made to drink the water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering, it will enter her, her abdomen will swell and her womb will miscarry, and she will become a curse. 28 If, however, the woman has not made herself impure, but is clean, she will be cleared of guilt and will be able to have children.
29 “‘This, then, is the law of jealousy when a woman goes astray and makes herself impure while married to her husband, 30 or when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife. The priest is to have her stand before the Lord and is to apply this entire law to her. 31 The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.’”
Ame, sometimes that may be true, but I would say most times it is not.
Yes indeed, I remember those verses well, Ame. And that is only for this world, further judgment comes in the next
also …
James 1:13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
what is conceived must give birth. the gestation period *can* be cut short, aborted, IF one humbles themselves and prays and seeks the face of God and repents and turns from their wicked ways … 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
however, very few choose that path. Matthew 7:13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
when a woman has allowed herself to be dragged away by her own evil desire and enticed into adultery, she has conceived this . . . and it must play out until it has given full birth to all her sin, or until she aborts the process by turning to God.
While it doesn’t sound like a good situation, there’s a lot more to know. Women most often cheat to fill a void. Sometimes that void is just pure boredom. It could be as simple as her just needing a good vacation with some girl friends or a new hobby, or she could be missing something from him in the marriage.
yes, Larry, further judgement comes in the next. we will all face God someday, regardless of what we believe.
wow…we are getting into a regular correspondence! Maybe I better get back into “submarine” mode and go to stealth lurking again?
Reading Fnu Mnu Lnu comments just reminded me of events many, many years ago. But the present is a much different story, I am very happy to have my bride and companion. She is a gem!
OMG! Ash Pariseau I nearly lost it laughing at your comment…So in your opinion a married wife finds another guy to fuck because she’s bored? Or needs a vacation?? I call BS on that because it’s total crap.
No pass…
wow…we are getting into a regular correspondence! Maybe I better get back into “submarine” mode and go to stealth lurking again?
LOL!
Interesting story!
Here is my 2 cents … For all its worth.
Women are very crafty if they want to cheat. They can hide it so well that no one will ever find out. It is because we think through every detail of our actions prior to actually doing it.
So the fact that she revealed her affair tells me one thing:
She wanted to hurt him. Punish him for whatever she felt he wasnt doing … His job, his ambition, his shirt selection, etc.
It is similar to when you get a better job offer at another company and you let your company know in hopes they will counter offer with more money/benefits.
However she jumped the gun too soon because the other guy (aka other company) had not secured her future position.
I bet the other guy reneged completely…
The promises and sweet words dried up immediately the moment she uttered the words divorce.
He doesn’t want another man’s burden.
So she fell flat on her face and came back to her reliable husband saying ‘lets work it out’.
When it comes to a cheating wife…I think she has every right to seek repentance from God and forgiveness from her husband. However the marriage is irreparably broken in my mind. I would think the best justice in that situation is the adulterer gets nothing from the marriage. No house, no kids, no alimony, no child support. The only way to curb bad behavior is to put the subsequent bad consequences to it. Not promote it as some exciting thing to ‘find yourself’ (on some other guy) …and get cash and prizes from the state as your reward for it.
“Here is my 2 cents … For all its worth.
Women are very crafty if they want to cheat. They can hide it so well that no one will ever find out. It is because we think through every detail of our actions prior to actually doing it.”
Not quite, I beg to differ. Sooner or later the cheating wife slips up and makes a mistake…no matter how sneaky, deceiving or how proficient a liar she may be, the husband will find out.. and the cheating wife is giving no consideration that some men react quite badly when betrayed, and could well result in some serious or possibly lethal results
First time I have ever really disagreed with anything you have said. There is nothing else to know. You can have a “void” or be in pure boredom, without having to cheat. If she is missing something in the marriage, either live with it or get out. cheating isn’t the right way to do it.
‘Women most often cheat to fill a void.’
And yet it doesn’t…it creates a bigger void for everyone else.
Fill the void by prayer, a hobby, or being more submissive to your husband. Not jumping on some other guy who didn’t commit to you and likely won’t.
Agreed Earl. What you describe is the “civilized” way to deal with a cheat.
‘It is because we think through every detail of our actions prior to actually doing it.’
Honey…how is it you are pregnant but kept denying me sex the past year and a half?
“You can have a “void” or be in pure boredom, without having to cheat. If she is missing something in the marriage, either live with it or get out. cheating isn’t the right way to do it.”
Well said
@ Larry
I don’t pull out the ‘uncivilized’ way because of what Jesus did with the adulterous woman.
“‘It is because we think through every detail of our actions prior to actually doing it.’
You (collectively) are not nearly as crafty as you would like to think you are. If you were that smart to begin with, you would be so stupid as to cheat on a husband in the first place now would you?
A murderer will kill you, a thief will steal from you, but you’ll never know where you stand with a liar…
“Larry
I don’t pull out the ‘uncivilized’ way because of what Jesus did with the adulterous woman.”
Yes, but He is God…Don’t you find it interesting that nothing further is mentioned about the woman AFTER she went her way? Did her hubby just say “Well, darling, Jesus forgave you so we are good?” I seriously doubt that was the case
Proverbs 6:34 For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
‘Did her hubby just say “Well, darling, Jesus forgave you so we are good?” I seriously doubt that was the case’
I doubt it too.
I think the point of the story is the depth of God’s mercy. Which is a good thing…we all need it.
A husband can be merciful or forgiving to a cheating wife…but that doesn’t mean he has to take her back. I can’t fathom how he could really.
This is true, Earl, which is the reason my ex is still living today. “A husband can be merciful….”
The last part of Love’s thoughts though….she’s probably on the right track..
‘He doesn’t want another man’s burden.
So she fell flat on her face and came back to her reliable husband saying ‘lets work it out’.’
For that ‘crafty’ thought of planning affairs and trying to get another man with teh sex…branch swinging and sticking the landing isn’t as easy as women think. Hence why I say getting a man’s commitment especially now is going to be very hard for women as long as more blue pills are learning the truth.
“‘He doesn’t want another man’s burden.
So she fell flat on her face and came back to her reliable husband saying ‘lets work it out’.’
For that ‘crafty’ thought of planning affairs and trying to get another man with teh sex…branch swinging and sticking the landing isn’t as easy as women think. Hence why I say getting a man’s commitment especially now is going to be very hard for women as long as more blue pills are learning the truth.
That hits the nail on the head, Earl. Western women in general appear to be regressing back into more of an animal state of mind where the concepts of honor, commitment, loyalty and faithfulness have no meaning.
ok, it’s time! “Set condition Zebra. Dive…Dive…Dive”
Fnu Mnu Lnu,
I should have added that there is no excuse for cheating.
I’m just more curious about what’s going on that drove her to do that.
“I’m just more curious about what’s going on that drove her to do that.” Drove her to do that?? I think the answer is probably much simpler if you think about it, she has the heart and mind of a whore, and made the opportunity
@fml I would agree re the cheating, not that I have not seen people work thru that but w/ her attitude it does not seem likely, and I advisedthe Grandmother similar, to help her son find the best lawyer he can, get custody, save himself and the kid while she goes and does whatever with her “freedom.”
‘I’m just more curious about what’s going on that drove her to do that.’
He was an old high school flame. If I was a betting man I’d say he was probably her first or at the very least there was some sort of deeper bond there…and she thought she could branch swing to him.
Thoughts:
Wife wants the divorce. She changed her mind because
1) she realizes she’s about to lose the gravy train.
2) she’s unwittingly cast herself as the villain in this little drama. (this part cannot be overestimated. Women hate being judged, they hate being seen as “the bad guy”, and they hate the possibility of being rejected.)
3) after she made the big reveal, the affair partner said “i don’t want to get married, I’m not going to be husband number 2, I’m not riding in to save you, and i am most definitely not financing any of this.” Basically, her attempted branchswing failed, the branch broke, and she’s grasping at her main branch.
Husband should not let her change her mind. He should forgive her, and then divorce her. He should say
“no, you’ve already broken the marriage. You want a divorce? You got it. Here’s how this is going down:
“You get one year of reasonable alimony. I get primary residential custody of our daughter. She will live with my parents while I’m on active duty. You will pay reasonable child support. You will get a reasonable property division. I’ll get a DNA test on our daughter. If deemed medically necessary, you will give a DNA sample. If i discover she is not mine, I will file any and all necessary petitions to avoid any child support obligations.
“And you will agree to all of this. Because if you don’t, you are in for the nastiest, most protracted, most expensive, most bitter divorce this county has ever seen. I will tell everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, why we’re getting divorced. I will contact your affair partner and his family. I will contact your parents. I will contact your friends. I will spread it of record in the public divorce pleadings. I will contact your employers and your college/nursing school. I will garnishee your wages and assets. I will garnishee those wages and assets and bank accounts until every red cent you owe in child support and divorce property settlement is paid, with interest.
“I will publicize far and wide exactly what you have done and what you did to me and what you did to our daughter. If our daughter is not mine, and is in fact the product of an affair, I will publicize that as well. I will inflict as much social pain and approbation upon you as i possibly can within the bounds of the law. I will make sure everyone you know and i know is aware of what happened.
“Now. Shall we begin?”
“feelz”
And Yet let us not forget the adulteress who Jesus saved from stoning, and reminded others “let ye who has not sinned cast the first stone.” None could. We all fall short. All have the choice to, “repent and sin no more.” Did her husband take her back or was she on her own after? That part is not clear. It does not say her action was without consequences.
In this case the gal so far seems to feel her actions were justified, so I am not seeing any repentance. Not a good sign at all. That’s the difference between the adulteress in the tale above vs. in this one, IMHO.
Dang Deti!
““…I will tell everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, why we’re getting divorced. I will contact your affair partner and his family. I will contact your parents. I will contact your friends. I will spread it of record in the public divorce pleadings. I will contact your employers and your college/nursing school….”
Exact play-by-play to the finest point of how I processed my previous divorce!
@ Love I wondered the same, if the other guy told her there would be no offer, so she reconciled due to that rather than a true change of heart. I think you are also right that her confession was meant to wound. She seems very foolish to me, playing w fire often leads to getting burned.
nice thoughts, but the courts really don’t care. everything is slated towards favoring the woman, regardless of who is at fault.
In the adulteress story, it was more about a trap the Pharisees were trying to lay to put Jesus on the spot as far as the law, than it was about the woman.
What I would tell the husband:
“We teach people how to treat us.” If you want your wife to continue to play yo-yo with your emotions and your life keep doing what you are doing. On the other hand, If you want your wife to respect you, then you need to respect yourself first.
Ash,
Women most often cheat to fill a void. Sometimes that void is just pure boredom. It could be as simple as her just needing a good vacation with some girl friends or a new hobby, or she could be missing something from him in the marriage.
There is about a million things that I could say to this, but lets make it simple. If women do this, are they good marriage material for anybody?
Repentance and forgiveness and consequences. We are often spared the full extent of the consequences we deserve (so thankful for the grace of God!), but they still exist.
There is always forgiveness but forgiveness does not exempt us from the consequences of our choices.
There is no hope of reconciliation without repentance, and like forgiveness, repentance does not erase consequences.
In this culture, he needs to protect himself legally. He can always take her back in the future if she proves over time true repentance and if he so chooses. But he needs to protect himself and their daughter legally ASAP.
She has forfeited her trust and must earn it back but not on her terms.
Well I think from what I remember deti is in the legal field…so I think what he says is good advice at least to put the dread in her. But is it possible the courts would go along with what he says if she goes that route?
I have rarely seen women branch swing successfully. Those who do often end up with a lesser partner in the end, even if they thought he was “better.” Also such relationships are wracked with discord and jealousy and rarely last, bc of the guilt and knowledge of how it all started.,,
Yep Fnu Mnu Lnu, I know that is the truth. After the divorce was settled I ended up with one carry-on bag of clothes as my entire worldly possessions, everything else was toast. So, yeah, the courts really don’t give a shit about the men. But do not quit or give up, you can rebuild your life WITHOUT some two-bit dragging you back down..
Deti,
I will contact your parents. I will contact your friends. I will spread it of record in the public divorce pleadings. I will contact your employers and your college/nursing school.
You don’t threaten with this. You just do it.
@Ash I am sure she would say she has her reasons, but I would agree w you and others that cheating is no solution to whatever her “reasons” were. In this case maybe she was bored and missing her single “glory days.” Self created drama or even self sabatoge, perhaps? A very big shit test maybe? Only she knows and she herself may not truly know…
TheDeti: beautifully said! Even if the courts dont care and will lean towards her side, it will raise her level of respect for her husband by 1000000%
Women dont respect doormat Yes Mams.
‘In the adulteress story, it was more about a trap the Pharisees were trying to lay to put Jesus on the spot as far as the law, than it was about the woman.’
It was. Basically it put judgement of the law and God’s mercy on display.
My thought was Moses put that in there hopefully to curtail that bad behavior. Goes to show women (and the man who was doing the adulterating) would even do it if stoning was the consequence.
goFiguresaid:
I will contact your parents. I will contact your friends. I will spread it of record in the public divorce pleadings. I will contact your employers and your college/nursing school.
You don’t threaten with this. You just do it.
Did it! And included the ex’s church, minister and Sunday school class she taught
@ Deti I think you propose a very good “solution.”
The baby looks just like his mom (so adorable!) so I am pretty sure baby is his but a dna rest is not a bad plan just to put any question to rest before final deals are offered.
bloom, ame:
Yes. In Christianity, you’re forgiven of your sins so you can go to Heaven when you die. Christ died on the Cross to get us to Heaven, not to prevent us from walking out earthly consequences.
When you sin, you still have temporal, natural, bodily consequences. For example: You stole money. Youre forgiven when you repent. But you have to pay the money back.
You had a lot of premarital sex and contracted a sexual disease. You’re forgiven. But you will still suffer the effects of the disease in your body. That disease might prevent you from marrying. It might scar you. Might even kill you. You’re going to heaven. But the temporal bodily consequences were fatal.
You’re a serial murderer, sentenced to death. You repented, accepted Christ and are forgiven. You’re still going to the electric chair/lethal injection. You will still serve out the sentence according to the law. But after that, you’re going to Heaven.
The repentant thief crucified with Jesus. He accepted Christ. Jesus said, essentially, “You’re forgiven and you’ll be with me today in Paradise. (By the way, I’m not taking you down off your cross, you’re still gonna serve out the sentence given you, you’re still gonna die, it’s gonna be really painful, you’re not coming back, and your life is over. Today. None of that changes. The only thing that changes is you’re not going to Hell today after this is all over.)”
Larry,
In today’s world you need to include her facebook, linkedin and twitter and other social media/ professional profiles.
@fml what Deti is proposing is a deal, she agrees to, way before there is any judge involved. Or scorched earth. Her choice. If she’s smart she’d take the deal.
goFigure said:
“In today’s world you need to include her facebook, linkedin and twitter and other social media/ professional profiles”
LOL, yeah, agreed..in today’s world…when I got divorced, hell there wasn’t even COMPUTERS let alone an Internet! I still did my record keeping in a paper log book with a pencil!
It is not scorched earth. It is simply bringing to light things that the cheater wants to keep in the dark.
Go watch the animated movie ‘the sword in the stone’. Merlin forces Madam Mim to get sun light for her own good. (Yes, there is a Christian context to this).
Scorched earth is totally wiping out reputation, finances, communications and transportation. Inflicting mental and physical discomfort, severe emotional distress. When war has been declared you fight to destroy the enemy.
IF the judge allows what they had agreed to. it is not always a given in this state.
“In this case the gal so far seems to feel her actions were justified, so I am not seeing any repentance. Not a good sign at all. That’s the difference between the adulteress in the tale above vs. in this one, IMHO.”
I think MOST women when even confronted privately, and even in a gentle way, are too prideful to repent… it’s interesting how they will even mock and dare you to reveal who they truly are to the public eye… and then when you do?? They act like they’re a victim.
That happens most visibly with the ex-wife dramas you see play out IF and ONLY IF the man is bold enough to expose her lies. Most ex-husbands don’t do that I think, at least not in our area. They may tell their friends (my husband’s heard a lot of red pill stories), but to actually humiliate her on purpose, that doesn’t usually happen.
I never realized that it happens in lesser ways with women in all kinds of other little dramas that they self-create.
Fnu Mnu Lnu,
Since I once was in your place I have a good idea what you are dealing with. One piece of advice if you will take it, be good to yourself..like REALLY good. You are your own best friend. I stayed happily drunk for several weeks after my split, knocked off some rentals then did a little traveling too. Eventually the memories do fade, hang in there
“Scorched earth is totally wiping out reputation, finances, communications and transportation. Inflicting mental and physical discomfort, severe emotional distress. When war has been declared you fight to destroy the enemy.”
Yes. God did this too, all the time to try to get His people to repent.
Plus even Paul said he handed certain people over to Satan to be tormented with however Satan chooses to torment them as a form of punishment for opposing his message (usually nightmares and depression and anxiety is what I’ve found happens).
Stephanie said:
“Yes. God did this too, all the time to try to get His people to repent.
Plus even Paul said he handed certain people over to Satan to be tormented with however Satan chooses to torment them as a form of punishment for opposing his message (usually nightmares and depression and anxiety is what I’ve found happens).”
I think you missed my point, Stephanie. When I went this route with my ex, I did not care a whit about repentance, that bridge had already been burned. My scorched earth drive was calculated to destroy her (the enemy) by any means possible. It has nothing at all to do with redemption, just sheer revenge
Women are not going to change, this whole messy situation is not going to change, until women start experiencing real consequences.
How we got here is doing everything humanly possible to relieve women from suffering negative consequences, and passing those consequences and costs to men in the form of alimony, child support, medical costs, confiscatory property division, confiscatory taxation, etc.
That can has been kicked all the way to the end of the road, at least as far as I am concerned. It’s now time for women to shoulder the burden. It’s now time for women to carry their share of the load. It’s now time for women to take their share of the pain.
It’s now time for women, when they cheat, to suffer and experience all the natural consequences that flow from that decision.
For the past 60 or so years, until now, it has been
Women make mistakes, men fix them. Women blow up marriages, men pay for it and children suffer for it. Women go to work, men pick up all the slack. Women incur medical costs, men pay for them. Women aren’t obligated to do anything, give men anything, take on burdens, or execute responsibilities to anyone other than themselves.
No more. NO FUCKING MORE.
Deti, I am sooo going to make a plaque for this to sit on my desk “No more. NO FUCKING MORE.”
‘In this case the gal so far seems to feel her actions were justified, so I am not seeing any repentance. ‘
Worth repeating…
‘This is the way of an adulterous woman:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
And says, “I have done no wickedness.”’
Perhaps that’s even the worse fate for women who commit adultery…so few would ever seek repentance.
I’ve begun to feel that no healthy marriage includes Facebook.
God never relieved women of their consequences. When Eve sinned (and it was her sin), he told her what the consequences would be.
–you don’t get to live in Eden anymore.
–you’ll bear children in great pain.
–your husband will rule over you and you have to submit to him. In paradise, you were equals. Not anymore you’re not.
–you’re gonna get old and wrinkled, your body will age and start falling apart, and then your body will return to dust. And it’s gonna take a long time and you will be in a lot of physical pain.
And she had to spend the rest of her life walking that out. She had two sons. The older one murdered the younger one. She lost both of them, one to death, the other to condemnation and exile. She had to wear clothing. She had to work.
Knowledge of good and evil? Indeed. God said “you wanna know good and evil? OK. Heeeeeeere you go. Wanna see evil? Here it is, good and hard.”
“Women make mistakes, men fix them. Women blow up marriages, men pay for it and children suffer for it. Women go to work, men pick up all the slack. Women incur medical costs, men pay for them. Women aren’t obligated to do anything, give men anything, take on burdens, or execute responsibilities to anyone other than themselves.”
Not much room for argument or discussion with the bare, bold truth is there?
That dude is fucked if he does nothing and just hopes through divine intervention everything will be patched back together in his marriage. No, his marriage is done. No threats of dread will work at this point. He needs to go the full scorched earth measures as deti already described. Anything else is just wishful thinking leading to his downfall. Sorry to be a Debbie downer about this, but it is what it is.
“I think you missed my point, Stephanie. When I went this route with my ex, I did not care a whit about repentance, that bridge had already been burned. My scorched earth drive was calculated to destroy her (the enemy) by any means possible. It has nothing at all to do with redemption, just sheer revenge”
Maybe I’m just too optimistic? I even hope that the evil people my husband catches and brings in, someday repent 😥 For me, it’s wrong to take your own revenge. If God makes them “fall into your hands” then ok, give them what they asked for you to do.
Belle of the Library said:
“I’ve begun to feel that no healthy marriage includes Facebook.”
And you are correct! I limit my wife’s access to exactly 30 minutes per day so she can message her brothers if she wishes…after that I shut her computer off! No debate is required, she gets one half hour per day
The whole reaping and sowing thing probably applies to a husband in the way he deals with his ex-wife. She’ll reap what she sowed in his heart, one way or the other. Which I can’t help but feel sorry for women like that. Not in a “I want to rescue you from your consequences” kind of way… but more a “how can you be so stupid?” kind of feeling sorry for them
“And you are correct! I limit my wife’s access to exactly 30 minutes per day so she can message her brothers if she wishes…after that I shut her computer off! No debate is required, she gets one half hour per day”
Larry 😀 !!!!!!! My husband will sometimes just grab the computer laptop, close it and without a word walk away with it LOL !!!!!!! I adore how he does that because he’s taking care of me and putting boundaries around me in loving ways.
And with that… I’ve got to go LOL….
Stephanie, stay safe
Larry G:
Thanks. It’s just that I got pissed off enough, once upon a time, to put my foot down.
I’m not going to be in a marriage that is 95% burden and obligation; and 5% benefit.
I’m not going to be in a marriage where I get used and exploited.
I will not be part of any relationships that don’t benefit me directly.
I will not put up with bullshit in my personal relationships. You flip me shit, you’ll get called on it right then and there. You’ll fix it and we’ll work it out, or you and I are done.
If you expect me to put up with bullshit, you will compensate me for it.
I will do some things I want to do. I will happily carry the necessary burdens; but I will do some things I want to do. I will not live my entire life with nothing but burden and obligation.
I will say “No” sometimes, and you will accept my “No”.
I will not do anything I do not want to do, unless I am compensated for it in some way.
I will put my boundaries down, and you will respect them if you want a relationship with me.
You fuck up, you fix it. Your lack of prior planning is not my emergency. I am not required to “snap to” just because you are having a bad day/problem.
And so on.
Deti, sound like we are cut from the same piece of cloth. I agree with what you say and will add only one item….”I do this without apology”
I lived in the back of my pickup truck for two months. least amount of stress I had in over 30 years. At this point she could have almost everything, and I’d still be happier.
Exactly Stephanie, as Deti describes w Eve, it never works out better. There’s always consequences. I feel sorry for her stupidity as well, not really for her but for her child and the damage her actions cause all. Stupid girl. Really stupid! A few minutes of tingles is not worth the price. And what is done will never be undone. Even if by some miracle the marriage survives adultery, it’s never the same. At least that’s what I have seen irl. Time and again. The innocence and trust are GONE.
A good paraphrase from what Solomon said in Scripture…
Better to live in the back of a pickup truck than to share a mansion with a contentious wife.
A good paraphrase from what Solomon said in Scripture…
“Better to live in the back of a pickup truck than to share a mansion with a contentious wife.”
ROTFL! Exactly!
Stephanie said this a little while ago;
“The whole reaping and sowing thing probably applies to a husband in the way he deals with his ex-wife. She’ll reap what she sowed in his heart, one way or the other.”
That got me to thinking along another avenue..If a wife is sowing good things, kindness, gentleness and submission into her husbands heart..when the day finally comes that her youth and beauty evaporate, only an aging woman remains….she can reap the goodwill, love and happiness she planted in her youth.
Women do cheat to fill a void
The void in between their legs.
Love at 7:17 nailed it.
She told to hurt him and came bacvk because she had nowhere else to go.
Sex with hubby would make her barf.
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Deti at 8:35
Slow clap brother.
An alternative idea is to suggest a modest settlement for her if she gives up the kid. Emphasize that she would then be free to go to bars every night of the week and whore around.
Who knows, she might jump at the chance.
@farm boy maybe instead of saying “whore around” it could be presented in language she would embrace, like “explore” or “empower” or some such?
@ horseman and Deti, I should copy and send that suggestion to the grandmother! I may change the phrasing slightly to make it more non red pill friendly, so it doesn’t just get rejected outright out of shock, but it’s a solid offer and wise advice.