This weekend I met a couple who revealed they were on the way to meet his parents. I congratulated them and wished them well. Then I just had to know, “So, tell me how this all began…”
They blushed and then said they had met online. I asked which site, just curious what seemed to be working these days. They hemmed and hawed, said it was embarrassing, and then admitted it was Tinder!
Oh dear. The story deepened. Turned out they had met just a week ago and were so swept up in each other he’d met her family the day before, and meeting his was next on the list.
It is hard to guess ages but I would say she was mid 20s and he was early 30s. Both were good looking and they seemed well matched. A dashing pair.
I overheard them talking about logistics, including his bringing up the idea of a prenup, which she initially opposed and then supported. Things seemed tense for a moment, but then they got past it.
I worried they are diving in, but then I do know a few couples who met and within a week were thick as thieves and are still happily married to this day. Or it could go just the opposite, hard to say.
Will they make it to the alter? Who knows. Maybe someday I will bump into them again and find out?
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I think the sex is probably fantastic, yet still not enough to support an actual relationship. People jump into physical relationships too quickly and think they’re a basis for actual commitment and they’re usually wrong. I’d say in four months, they’ll realize their incompatibility and move on.
hopefully they figure that out before getting married.
I suspect so too, Belle! Hopefully they don’t get hitched too quickly before sorting that out…
Not only sex but getting wrapped up in the feels.
Marriage is more than sex and feels.
Eh, probably as good a shot as any. After knowing one (not dating) for 6 years, and then dating for 2, I found that we both had sold something that was not real. 25 years later, what a disaster. I think that if we really wanted to help people like this we would offer to counsel them (hint RPG) and show them how to get beyond the tingles. I think that honest answers to less than a dozen questions back then would have helped me and mine to move on to someone else.
People who have actually learned from their experiences, together with a RP understanding have a lot to offer young lovers like this. No, I’m not talking just about people who have divorced. Some of them go through this shit 5 times and keep making the same damn mistakes.
Yeah, you may come off as a know-it-all; who cares? Let those with ears hear, right?
Seeing Tinder was all I needed to know it won’t end well. Had they said something like Match or E-harmony, I might have thought maybe, and that’s a big MAYBE, they might have a chance.
Funny thing, when I met my wife I was certain within two weeks I wanted to marry her. 33 years later; still together.
We actually met at teen bar (back then legal age in KS was 18). I walked in, saw her sitting by the dance floor and immediately locked eyes with her. Walked over, sat down and proceeded to tell her all about herself.
We left the bar and went for a walk around the block, stopped back at the bar I snagged a kiss grabbed a handful of butt cheek and made planes to meet again.
Later on she was like, you were a forward bastard and I was about ready to tell you to get lost for that, but your piecing green eyes and wonderful sense of humor and purpose won me over.
So my answer would be, I don’t have a clue but if they do he needs to move her far away from her folks and his. The best decision I ever made for our relationship was when I packed up my wife and child and moved them 2,000 from everyone she ever knew.
No interference from anybody, it was scary but ultimately worth it.
Related topic.
I need you peoplke’s help with a social experiment.
An artsy buddy sent me the following good indy short.
Watch it. (You dont have to listen to the song, itrs Depeshe Mode after all)
Then read, reply to my next few comments.
@ih8lookingback agreed, and I would have given advice if they weren’t total strangers and also on their way to meet his folks but I hope to run across them again and get that chance.
If so, what top questions do you think would help young people sort this stuff out? I am all ears what you wish someone had asked of you back then!
Ok first reaction.
All the guy had to do was let her see him taking her picture. She was waiting, knowing what he was doing. Dude, its right there…The Opening.
But he chickens out.
She even waits for him, the confusion is on her face.
So she walks away.
So why did they do that?
@gla they both explained they don’t like the rP Tinder has but that it is the default online dating app most people their age use. I guess most their age don’t use the email/web based online services anymore, and for sure not the paid ones.
Ok broader context.
1990s when the song came out to say 2010
They were the cute, shy one that just never happened. A fond memory for both, maybe the future nostalgia of What If. A pleasant memory.
2010 to 2017
“She is cute but will she think I am a stalker? Is it worth my college career for a date? Hmmm if I get a definite IOI maybe its worth the risk? Well? Mmm nothing.
Oh well better safe than sorry.”
Post 2017
“She is a photogenic subject, contrasts the architecture. But getting a release is such a pain.”
Guy is so either mgtow or incel or mistrustful that he doesn’t even see her as a romantic possibility. Coupled with their reliance on social media neither one has the emotional situational awareness to read the obvious signs.
I am sure such chance encounters happen every day.
The guy on the subway, the girl in the coffee shop.
Used to be how people met, took opportunity, became mates.
Now these same encounters still happen every single day.
And more and more if not all turn out like this.
And how many of you were rooting
“Dude! Come on! Speak up!
Girl! Turn around! Look him in the eye!!
Its right there!!”
The romantics ended disappointed.
The realists ended I predicted it.
P.s. the goob at the end isnt her boyfriend, just a classmate from film class, I assume.
So she had a little validation for that bit of male attention…then went back to the guy she was with.
If that wasn’t put there as the ending…then yeah it was a case of the guy missing obvious interest signals because he was too scared.
They’ll either get married or one or the other will get bored. That seems to be how relationships go nowadays.
Horseman,
You ever heard of the term window shopping? Look all you want, but only buy the thing you are certain about.
In that video, I guess you could say the first guy was scared of taking a chance. But I could equally argue that she was not worth the chance, even if she was trying to provide opportunity.
Heck, it was you on this very site that made a great comment about how a woman has to be better than nothing or else she is not worth it. How did this woman show she was better than nothing? Because she paused for 30 seconds?
I am a romantic at hart. But romantics will get destroyed in the marriage/sex market place unless they can put some boundaries on themselves.
Likely not. If they do, they’ll struggle for years to overcome their differences and stay together for the kids. A shame.
Gofigure
I agree with everything you said but one thing no one evertalks about.
How do two strangers meet to find out those things?
Thats the experiment?
What are peoples reactions to a random opportunity in the outside world?
(Not bars, tinder, etc where looking but the true random encounter?)
@ horseman; “She is cute but will she think I am a stalker? is really all of 1990 to 2018 now. It’s only more in your face now because of social media.
@ bloom; ” I guess most their age don’t use the email/web based online services anymore, and for sure not the paid ones.”
It doesn’t matter, everyone knows Tinder is a hook up app among many others. Anyone who has even a modicum of experience on any hook up app knows love cannot ever be found, only hook up; especially if their profile is still up and active while supposedly being in a relationship.
Oh and bloom, you know damn well back in the day in early internet days people were using AIM, Microsoft messenger, and Yahoo messenger for hooking up.
@gla most likely so. I will admit I know very little about this stuff. I missed both waves. No regrets. I don’t get the hook up thing, but then I am quite shy. I likely would not do well in that world anyway.
As for this couple my guess is she’s more savvy than he. So if for him it was crazy good mind blowing sex to the point he just wants to get married, I would humbly suggest he pause to wonder how and where she learned all that? But of course such a thought would perhaps be just too much of a thrill kill so he’s just going to think it’s bc she’s so into him, or something? If he was the crazy skilled one, didn’t strike me that way but one never knows, we’ll then maybe he can keep the tingles one step ahead? Or who knows, maybe they actually fell in love at first sight, and the sex was not the deciding factor, and if so I wish them much happiness and hope they realize that’s rare and special and not easily found.
I have an odd feeling if they do decide to marry they will seek me out to update. Not sure how I know that, just a hunch. They liked that I was curious anyway! 🙂
@ horseman my take was it was an illustration of the AF/BB cycle. She’s ovulating so she’s unconsciously on the prowl. She ditches her beta guy, to find and fantasize about the mysterious Alpha who can take her or leave her. She pursues, subtly, trying to entice him to approach. He considers it here and there, but for whatever reason takes a pass. After it doesn’t happen she returns to her beta, trying and to pretend she’s missed him all along. That night he may get lucky as she fantasizes he’s the Alpha who got away… nine months later another beta is born…
Or maybe I am a cynic? That’s how I read it, a reveal of the female imperative and her hidden dual mating strategy.
So bloom, are you saying you never dabbled in the toxic wasteland world of online dating? Not even just browsing profiles?
I’ll weigh in, but it should be pretty obvious. Yes, the longer we are alive the more we see amazing things. Most of us have probably seen a couple that meets and immediately clicks, couple immediately and are still together years later. Small percentage for sure, but it does happen.
And we’ve all see infatuation mistaken for love. The sex is awesome, they think its love … it eventually fades … they struggle to stay together … and it rarely works out long term.
@gla I did online dating briefly, less than 6 months. One would think you read the profiles, see the pics, talk by phone, then meet in person… should have higher than normal odds of success? No. I quickly found it all came down to the in person meeting, ifone side or the other didn’t feel it, no reason to continue. In real life this happens spontaneously, before any interest is shown, no awkward moment or build up. I quickly found people portrayed who they wanted to be or thought they were but rarely who they actually were. Maybe I took it too seriously, I wasn’t looking for hookups. I decided after too many first dates that felt like awkward job interviews that I was an in person type. Plus all the emailing Tara Tara, took so much time. I know people it has worked for and maybe they understood it better than me. I am kinda stuck in the late 80s dating model, the world clearly passed me by. I don’t think this new way is better but the way I remember (meet, go on dates, go steady, commit, be all in, then get physical) doesn’t seem to be how it works anymore… shame. The old way had the charm of anticipation. Hooking up wo 15 minutes of meeting? That just queeses me out! 😛
people meet and know in so many different ways. i find it all interesting. some are friends for years, date for years, marry and stay married … some do the same, marry and it’s a disaster. some meet and marry and it works. some meet and marry and it’s a disaster.
my personality is one that i knew pretty quick that this is the man i wanted to marry both times. actually, on our first date, my husband told me that he was pretty confident how *this* was going to work out, intimating that he believed we’d get married 🙂
interesting that tinder is the default way to meet people in that age group.
So, since I’m bored tonight … I’ll blabber on about my personal situation … since it seems to hit both themes being discussed. First, as some may know … I have a girlfriend and I’ve been dating for about 1 1/2 yrs. Going really well, have considered marriage off and on … but pretty leery, obviously.
So, we met nearly 4 yrs ago (6/2014)and hit it off immediately like the couple in the OP. A married couple who knew both of us kinda set it up as a double date to go to a baseball game. They thought she was divorced, she wasn’t … only separated … so I called it off. And I told her that … she needed to end it first and even told her that it would take far longer than she thought (I was right). We met only twice. I went on to date a skinny sexy nurse much younger than me, for over a year, and had a great time, damn that girl was good in bed, lol.
Broke up with the nurse and not 3 weeks later was going on a bicycle outing with my married friends and the now GF was supposed to ride too. We were the only 2 single people with 5 other married couples. Everyone arrived (but her) and got prepped, tires full, water, helmets, etc … and we were about to start riding … when finally she shows up.
And here is where it gets interesting. Despite only meeting twice and not seeing her in 2 years … she lets me help and doesn’t treat me like a creeper. Everyone else is waiting so I am trying to get her going asap. Her bike is in her car backseat so I open the car door and help her get it out. The tires are low and so she pops the trunk to get to the pump. She hands me the pump and I figure out how to use it and inflate the tires. Meanwhile … she’s putting on sunscreen, changing shoes, putting on riding gloves … glasses, helmet, water, etc. By the time the bike is done, she’s ready to go.
Everyone else has been ready to go for awhile … so we head over to the group and they start heading out . We bring up the rear … ride out for an hour, take a break, ride back for an hour … about 25 miles total. Casual ride. The girl and I talked pretty much the whole time. That was 1st week of Aug 2016. Asked her out the next day. Still going strong.
So anyway, we had instant attraction … not once, but twice. And have maintained it over the long haul … if 1 1/2 years is that … these days maybe it is. But I do have to say that what Horseman said is true. So many women these days distrust men and treat them like the enemy … like creepers. And like many men … I’m super sensitive to that. Anyway, if she had copped an attitude while I was just trying to help her get her bike going … there is no way in hell I’d have ever dated her.
Guess that’s something women can take from this … ever wonder why you can’t get a date ? How do you treat random men around you ? As … just a guy trying to help out … or like a creeper. Like a normal guy doing guy things or … like a creeper. I can pretty much tell women … from a guy’s perspective … if I see you treating men like creepers (not just me … other guys too) … next, pass, I’ll just keep looking.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/04/25/trump-the-alpha-revisited/
ahhh, Mega! i love your story!
Mega glad to hear that’s still working out! 🙂
And also agreed Mega, gals acting like the guy showing interest or trying to help is a creeper must be such a turn off. Too many women have this as their default setting, it seems! Sure there are actual creepers but most guys, by far most, are not at all that. Women have been brainwashed that ALL men are creepers, sad. Not true.
I love your story, Roman Lance 😃
‘How do two strangers meet to find out those things?
Thats the experiment?
What are peoples reactions to a random opportunity in the outside world?’
They either go for it and find out or pass it up and never know.
I mean I think the video was probably meant to be more about passing up the opportunity and hence let out the romantic feelz. He could of walked up to her, talked to her…asked her out…and she said ‘no I have a boyfriend’. What made the video was all the unspoken language going on.
And just because a woman is giving out interest signals doesn’t mean you should approach them all.
What if she’s a single mother? What if she’s tatted up? What if she’s married? What is the context of the situation…is it in a bar, outside, in church, in a park, in a gym, etc.
I tend to be selectively approaching. If I’m interested and from what I can initally see she’s could be a possibility I go for it…if not, I don’t.
And before Tinder and other apps appeared around 2008, the go to places online for hooking up were Myspace, Facebook, Plenty of Fatties/fish and OKStupid/cupid.
you didn’t miss anything by not being apart of it, bloom. It’s all really depressing shit show. Think of all the fucked up shit you saw while living near a military base then apply that to online and you now get the hookup culture. Same same.
oh, aaaaand that whole time there was also Craigslist and Backpage for whores and police raids.
‘Guess that’s something women can take from this … ever wonder why you can’t get a date ? How do you treat random men around you ? As … just a guy trying to help out … or like a creeper. Like a normal guy doing guy things or … like a creeper. I can pretty much tell women … from a guy’s perspective … if I see you treating men like creepers (not just me … other guys too) … next, pass, I’ll just keep looking.’
It sounds simple…but many women have no idea how to show they are interested in a guy. Eye contact, smile, maybe say hi. If she’s there, talking, and showing interest…that’s all I need to know that I can keep up with this. My mom still does this with my father and they’ve been together for over 40 years.
Now if you hate all men or act uninterested because you assume men will just overcome everything to get to you then you may still get some attention from guys based on looks alone…but they won’t stick around for long when they finally get it. Real life isn’t a rom com movie. If you act like a bitch and uninterested…the guy leaves…he doesn’t ‘overcome to earn your love’
How does a guy and a girl meet? I really have no idea.
I will give you some observations from the kids I see in my college classes. When I was in college, I always noticed the 2-3 cutest girls in any class. And I would glance/ look at them several times during every class. They were just pleasant to look at. Today, young men do not even look at the girls. If they are looking at anything it is their cell phone. It appears to me that the young men do not have much interest in the girls. From observation, I think the girls are not opposed to interest (but they don’t encourage it either), but the young men are not providing any.
I think cell phones and social networks are having an effect on this. If you ask a man to date a woman in his church, work environment or social circle; he can immediately tell you all the reasons that is a bad idea. There is only down side to this.
Well, with cell phones and social media, a persons social circle is now huge. And men know that doing anything within their social network only has down side risk. So they resort to Tinder and other ways of meeting girls that have some upside potential.
For the ladies out there; if a man with decent self confidence from your work/ church/ social groups is showing interest, you should be wary. Or if you like; bang him tell he leaves or you get tired of him.
‘ If you ask a man to date a woman in his church, work environment or social circle; he can immediately tell you all the reasons that is a bad idea.’
Considering most women’s default positions is looking to be offended or the victim even if she causes it herself…this is why it’s a bad idea.
It’s pretty simple for me…I look at her, see if she’s interested, start talking see if she’s still interested, get the number, see if she;s still interested, ask for a date, see if she’s still interested, get into a more exclusive relationship see if she’s still interested, get engaged see if she’s still interested, get married.
“How does a guy and a girl meet?”
Saw a graphic somewheres saying;
1) social circle
2) bars, clubs, and restaurants
3) online
and then church was listed dead last.
the other part was;
4)coworkers
5) college
6) family
7) church
all listed in order of most popular way to least.
1) social circle read as “friends” in the graphic
I am really saddened.
That video was how people met “in my day.”
They were not specifically looking for anything, it just happened.
75% of people did not meet when “hunting” i.e. bars, date sites, etc.
They just ran into each other by chance like in that video.
If people now only meet when hunting then
A. They are not being or being seen as their true selves…they are “on”
B. They are in expectation mode so overthink everything.
C. They are restricting their pool to those actively looking.
No wonder it doesnt work.
Its the equivilent of today I will be brilliant!
Today I will find the love of my life!
Life dont happen that way.
Hell in hunt mode I never would have gone after the mrs, body wise she wasnt my type. (Leggly blond while I hunted petite brunettes.)
Then again I am old. And a jaded former romantic.
The following (from a great movie) would never happen.
If all people use is tinder, okstupid, plentyofbullshit instead of being open to chance then no wonder they are all disillusioned.
We are Dooooooooooomed!
You meet dozens of strangers out in the world daily being who they are.
Instead you hunt the same 50 fake profiles on the various sites.
Uuuuuuuuuggggghhhh.
Mgtow wins.
Birthrates collapse
Western civilization dies.
Enjoying the decline (tm Cappy)
“20 seconds of courage” and “why not”
Would solve this whole mess.
But we are doooooooomed.
wow, goFigure. that’s … wow. it’s a whole different world out there.
‘Its the equivilent of today I will be brilliant!
Today I will find the love of my life!
Life dont happen that way.’
Most cliched sayings are meaningless anyway once you put reality up against them.
that would’ve been my reply, “Why would I not?!” 🙂
@horseman; it’s still a bullshit movie; you even said it yourself that life doesn’t happen that way.
similar theme to first vid with similar ending; the attraction he thought she had for him was all in his mind.
Wait, you didn’t say that. Earl did. And he was right.
Even Depeche MOde was all about MGTOW back in the day. Look at David Gahan there as the secret king with his frickin lawn chair philosophizing about whatever;
probably the coolest Depeche Mode cover song ever and cover art reflects dating life in the modern world;
Had never even heard of Depeche Mode until a buddy sent me the video.
When a guy is ready to be married, he looks around to see who is available. “Ready to be married” usually means comfortable in his own skin – so “pleasant” catches his eye probably a lot more quickly than “bitchy”. If he’s ready to be married, and she’s pleasant, they will probablyl make it work. It doesn’t matter whether he spends five minutes to find his lady or 15 years. The same work is required of everybody when two distinct personalities are trying to build a life together. That “work at it” part doesn’t not show up just because you spent 15 years looking – so why not save time and just find pleasant in a much shorter period of time?
The dude in the photography video is already married. Why did no one pick up on that. Being married doesn’t mean dead to stimulus. Just look, but don’t touch. Just like in the video.
Richard
Both their hands are frequently shown. No ring for either.
I assumed they were two college kids.
Why do you assume either is married?
Not challenging, just curious.
About them possibly staying together for the kids… I don’t see why that couldn’t work if both were at least committed to **trying** to see each others’ side and live with each other peacefully as possible… wouldn’t love be able to grow and trust also if they kept that up?
Kind of like arranged marriages where love grew. To me… if a couple stays together even when they don’t necessarily **feel** in love, then they have the chance to logically try to at least grow to love each other over time?
??
“I am kinda stuck in the late 80s dating model”. Me too. It was about nightlife and bars.
In regards of that guy… I wouldn´t get married. Better living together. And I would have a vasectomy. And never sharing a bank account. And paying everything 50/50. And if she stops working, that is a big red flag. And never try to control her mobile… let her free with Tinder, and never let her control his Tinder.
Last night I saw the TV show (fantastic the way) “Fatal Vows” and it seems In 95% of the cases wifey is the murderer.
Horseman: “That video was how people met “in my day.”
Ha! Mine too. But she’d be a better bet if she was shooting on FILM. That indicates patience and character, deliberation, delayed gratification. At least she was using a sophisticated camera rather than her phone!
I’ve never used Tinder but I’m guessing that it’s not necessarily a deadly sign depending on the community in which it’s used. A vast pool of customers like LA or NYC bodes poorly generally indicating someone who hooks up like playing a computer game. But in a smaller city it might be more like an old fashioned dating site. I’ve spent a good deal of time in places where I’ve heard people complain that there is no one on Tinder at all.
Regardless, there is a downside to technology that makes things too easy. I don’t always shoot on film but if I saw an attractive woman doing it I’d definitely be talking to her!
*by the way
“Had never even heard of Depeche Mode until a buddy sent me the video”
Yes, I’m aware of that, was just spring boarding off of your example.
@stephanie I agree, I wish more people approached things in a mature way like that rather than from an emotion driven space. And if they do “stay together for the kids” hopefully that would also mean laying down the weapons and conflict and creating a healthy environment. And if folks could do all that, they’d likely find things aren’t so bad after all!
One study I wrote about followed couples considering divorce. Five years later those who hadn’t had literally “grown past” whatever the issues were and were happier than those who had divorced! I’ll try to find that link…
goFigure said:
“How does a guy and a girl meet? I really have no idea.”
Simple, Take cash or gold and go buy a wife. No muss, no fuss.
“How does a guy and a girl meet? I really have no idea.”
And I don’t either. Online ? Experimented with that on/off over the years enough to know that that is a black hole which never works. Why ? First … women get 900% the attention that men do. Or maybe that in infinite because unless you are a GQ model … tall, built like a greek god … men get ZERO INTEREST FROM WOMEN. And women … dozens, hundreds, thousands of messages … even overweight homely women. So much so … it goes to their head and they become stuck up cunts. And … because they have dealt with so many men … frustrated men … desperate men … men willing to do and SAY anything to get some scrap of attention … women end up treating men like garbage. Especially when the men they do end up talking to … ARE TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE GARBAGE … and so have a bad attitude. So … yeah … its all just downhill.
How do men and women meet ? Not a clue these days. I met the GF old school … introduced via common friends. Just glad that I didn’t have to try to do it online …