You’ve likely seen the articles that put a salary figure on what moms or wives do and what those things would cost if she were paid for them. But have you ever seen the same for a husband or dad?
I haven’t but I would wager men bring just as much or more “free work” to a couple as the gals do.
For example, there’s yard work and landscaping, carpentry, electrical, mechanical, painting, troubleshooting of broken items, home security, personal bodyguard, and more. A quick pricing of what any of these tasks would cost on a hired basis shows it’s considerable.
Not to mention everyday tasks such as laundry, cooking, and all the other chores many couples now often share as part of keeping things going day to day.
Sure not all guys do x, y, or z but the overall point is that articles about the value women contribute “for free” tend to imply men don’t do so as well when clearly they do.
Building a life and keeping things going involves sweat equity from all involved. Appreciating each other’s contributions goes a lot further than keeping score.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I think that no one cares about men. I worked 12-14 hour days for 30 years, and Was still expected to do all of the yard work by myself. Heck, she hardly ever did laundry, but suer as shit complained when I didn’t do it the way she wanted. Anything needed doing around the house, and I’d hear “we can just do…”, and the “we” meant only ME.
@fml yes exactly! That’s not OK. 😦 So much of what men do is either not counted or discounted.
I know a gal who says similar about her husband, and so I point out all he does do! It’s really sad when women treat a hard working guy like that. Then she complains’ “he’s grumpy!” Well no wonder!
Think the answer will depend on the skill set of the man and where he is in life. I’ve remodeled a couple of houses, I flipped 8 of them in 12 years but I paid someone to redo our bathrooms this time.
That’s very true Ton, when one is younger there’s usually more time than money, with age and running a biz (or several) plus kids and such that can flip and it makes more sense to hire things done even if you *coukd* do them yourself, if the day was 48 hours long instead of 24!
RPG,
I had never thought of it that way. I have never seen an article that denominated all the work that men are expected to do around the house. I won’t hold my breath. As for the typical article about how valuable women are around the house, this is meant to stir up resentment in women. Man bashing is all too popular in this culture. I guess the FML’s wife is going to find out how difficult it is to replace her husband with hired help, not to mention expensive. She is not getting any sympathy from me.
@fuzzie, but that will always be someone elses’ fault. mostly mine, for not doing enough.
sometimes i believe that marriage is exactly the same as welfare. it becomes “an entitlement”, and there is always someone else to blame when things dont work out.
because they dont ever appreciate things that they didnt have to work for.
FML,
I have not read your blog, but if your situation is anything like the norm, it all stems from her taking you for granted and goes downhill from there. Youtuber Terrence Popp came close to doing himself in. It has been years and he did this recently.
The way he tells it, it gets better with time.
@fuzzie, my blogs aren’t about the Ex, but about ex-friends of mine.
but you are right. it is all about being taken for granted. and worse, her teaching the kids to do the same.
but it is my fault in the end. i ignored the red flags that were right in front of me from the beginning.
oh well. lol
FML,
One of the things about this corner of the internet is that it places all of the burden on men, giving women a free pass. Women are responsible for what they do. There is too much of this “I should have seen it coming and done the other thing.” Don’t accept the burden of guilt for what she did. That’s on her.
Well when I was 20 I didn’t have time, money or the skillz to do a lot of the things I can do now. Which is how things go for men, but I did have boundless amounts of energy and could put up with things llike one bathroom for 4 people.
I could have still done the bathrooms but not on any kind of reasonable time line.
‘It’s really sad when women treat a hard working guy like that.’
Because a lot of women have rotten hearts. It’s a lot easier to beat up a rented mule than to come to grips with where the real problem lies.
The man’s typical domestic workload is 30-70% of the woman’s.
But he is on-call 24/7.
Chauffeur/child-minder/repairman/janitor/psychologist/tutor/bodyguard.
Put a stranger with that skill-set on retainer and tally the per diem.
My husband and I just bought a house. I’ve carted over a good 70% of the household items… and he’s Hulked in the other 30% that I couldn’t lift, because of my back and built shelves and put together furniture as I put away those household items. If we kept score, it would probably be pretty even and that’s why we don’t.
@Belle, wise to not keep score — it all evens out in the end. Enjoy the new digs!!!
I’m pretty useless when it comes to fixing any
thing. I can hardly put a nail in the wall. When I moved to my new place, a girlfriend gave me the number of a guy that did it all. I hired him and had him come over 3 times to put things together. He was very sweet and under charged. I paid him extra for being so nice. Now all my girlfriends contact him for home improvement projects.
I would add that, how could someone not take you for granted if you also take your contribution for granted? That’s one reason why we do not calculate men’s contributions. It is expected by MEN.
That was me. I could, and would do almost anything. There was nothing I could not fix. There was no legal instrument of death that I could not use and provided all planning and the necessary security. In 25 years (except for HVAC), I have never called in the expert on anything. I did ALL of the school functions and transport for 3 children, spanning 21 years. I did ALL of the outdoor events such as hikes, camping, boating, rock climbing for 3 children for 21 years. From the ground up, I built and continue to run a very successful company that started with zero and now banks a very nice nest egg. In 2 years, I was my own contractor and built her a 5,200 square foot home — while still doing my regular job, and still taking care of the children. Yet, I was a dick because I was not helping enough with homework. My reward was uninspiring sex on the anniversary for 15 years. But hey, she’s loyal, right?
So my point is this: if a man is loyal to a fault, for this long, she will unconsciously slip into a pattern of taking you for granted. Men have only ourselves to blame for not also being the household accountant in these matters. I wouldn’t let some dude punk me, why should I let my wife?
Lol Love I am the same — can hardly hang a picture frame!
There’s an old manospgere joke that we’re left to their own women would barely be able to hang curtains in the cave, not far from the truth! Civilization does not build itself, for sure. Men do that while women fill it with the next generation and decorate. Lol.
& Love I do believe left to their own devices men may be perfectly happy w much less civilization so in some way women and our always wanting “more” pushes civilization advances. Maybe that was the original drive behind hypergamy? Hard to say… we certainly would not have things like fancy bathroom towels just for show, we’re it not for women. If that advances civilization is debatable but… electricity, running water, other modern conveniences were also likely driven by men wanting to make their own life easier by making life easier for their lady.
I absolutely agree. Men are great at building. You can see it even in children. Most boys love Legos. They can build such beautiful things. My mind never worked that way nor did I find Legos enjoyable. I loved playing with my Barbies.
Very true RPG! I know warm tile floors were created exclusively for women!
@ love, I often get volunteers to help w my biz during certain times lots needs done. Production line type stuff.when I have an all female crew they simply follow my lead. And honestly I usually do things the way I always have, too. When I have male volunteers they often start to tinker and improve the process, making things faster, easier, or less labor intense. It’s imho simply the way the male mind works, and I am always happy to add faster, easier, less laborious ways to get it done! 🙂
i love this, Bloom. we girls tend to loose our perspective and need to remind ourselves and others. we tend to fall into it’s easier to see what’s not than what is, but wise is the woman who not only sees what is but also appreciates and is content with such.
Ton – i don’t think it’s an issue so much of whether the man does the work or has someone else do it … i think it’s more that the man is always the one who makes sure it gets done.
I definitely appreciate the male mind . It makes all of our lives easier. My male co-workers are always so helpful with anything from a work related problem, to fixing a broken drawer, to carrying something heavy, to getting a dish from a cabinet too high for me .
So my point is this: if a man is loyal to a fault, for this long, she will unconsciously slip into a pattern of taking you for granted. Men have only ourselves to blame for not also being the household accountant in these matters. I wouldn’t let some dude punk me, why should I let my wife?
i think that question gets tossed around out here a lot … you wouldn’t let someone else do xyz to you, so why do you let your wife? i think once one ‘sees’ that, they hopefully end up making a wise decision to not let their wife abuse them like this.
your wife was obviously very very very stupid not to realize and reward what she had/has in you.
i think it might also be worthy to note … if a woman finds attractive in a man his ability to manage and not put up with bs, then he begins to put up with her bs and not manage her well, her respect for him will tend to wane.
as a Christian, this is no excuse for a woman. there is no ‘if/then’ in her directives as a wife.
@ih8lookingback it’s really not OK all that was not more appreciated w/o promoting but you are right, I think most women do not even get or see that until it’s called out. True more men might be better served reminding their gals in a subtle way how much they do vs doing it silently and wo any notice or appreciation. Because of solipsism and other ways the female mind operates it’s really true gals may not even stop to think about this unless somehow prompted to see things from another point of view. Probably doing so in a fun and lighthearted way (like, “how could you ever live wo me, baby, you’re welcome!”) vs a confrontational way may be best. Otherwise the message can get lost in delivery.
@ame true re a woman should not think “if/when” but it is true too that people tend to value more what is not a given, so being too selfless can work against that for sure. Sadly.
(like, “how could you ever live wo me, baby, you’re welcome!”)
lol! my Husband does stuff like that all.the.time with me!
the other day he was teasing me and walked away saying, “You knew I was a bad boy when you married me, and you love it!”
yep! Yes, Sir, I do love it!!!
Value of a man? Easy!!
My Spring package aimed solely at the divorcee market is a six hour day at $300 plus whatever materials are needed. Whatever is needed to get the outside set up for summer. For that I usually:
Take down the christmas lights
Service and secure the snowblower, shovels, etc.
Service and sharpen the blades on the mower or lawn tractor
Take down storm shutters
Set up grill, patio furniture
Clean out the evestroughs
Change the furnace filters and turn on the outside water
General sweep up of the winter debris
Pool opening I add another half day.
I am pretty much booked thru end of May, keeping two days a week open for my barn work.
After June 1 I will stop this and go back to bigger jobs like fences and haying.
@ horseman I knew you would be able to provide some hard $$$ numbers for this, as a recently retired and now for hire handyman!
I specifically do NOT do anything with cars or appliances. Too risky to get a bad outcome.
Installs of new appliances I do, especially ceiling fans and dishwashers.
150 to 250 a pop for maybe an hour’s work.
Interestingly anything involving a ladder…..bonus.
Womenz are terrified of ladders.
Replace a few shingles, clean gutters, christmas lights….boom double rates. 50-100 per hour equivalent.
Most of the package work I am done in 3-4 hours and then they run out of stuff and I split early but I pre charge the day or half day.
I never do anything by the hour. Psychologically it cheapens it.
150 an hour to put up a ceiling fan!!! Outrageous!!!
Vs
Two nice expensive $400 fans. I’ll install em both for say 200.
(Done in under 90 minutes)
Horseman – VERY impressive!!!
Yup looking back, the more a man does the more a woman will despise him.
More then that, most men are performance driven and not programmed to see their woman as a threat
And
Women excel in is using a man’s better nature against him and naturally view men as a resource to exploit
And those things together and it’s a real shit show.
………..
One of my ex wife’s tricks was to down play what I would do around the house as fun. Fix the car in the grueling ass summer heat of coastal Ga ? Doesn’t count because I like working on cars. As if adding horse power when the weather is nice and replacing a water pump when it’s 100 degrees and near on 100% humidity is the same thing.
‘There’s an old manospgere joke that we’re left to their own women would barely be able to hang curtains in the cave, not far from the truth!’
The civilization would only last until the next oil change.
you’re right, Ton. I hate it, but you’re right. women think what men do is just what men are supposed to do … while what women do is drudgery and work. we have to be trained to see the truth. we need to surround ourselves with people who will call us out on our bs and tell us the truth, and few are willing to do that 😦
Ame, more hoops? Groan.
Interestingly
This time of year I am most busy with the easiest stuff.
Not minor repairs, not new landscaping, not fencing….
Its the “spring cleaning” type stuff that any man can take care of in the first nice weekend of spring. Gutters, lights, shutters, potholes, patio furniture.
I almost feel guilty charging significant dollars for the least technical work.
A hubby would do it for free, a teenager for minimum wage…
Oh but….You Don’t Have Either…
You don’t need a tradesman, you just need a willing, strong back….
Maybe your new tinder or match friends can help? How about that handy guy next door…whose Wife hates you? Your kids!…oh right, sorry.
I almost feel bad….almost.
Then I remember how most got to this place.
P.s.I also have a number of senior couples, widows, widowers….them I do for minimum wage…and often spend an extra hour afterwards drinking tea listening to their stories.
women think what men do is just what men are supposed to do … while what women do is drudgery and work.
But it is not drudgery. There are studies done showing that men who end up cleaning the bathroom, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, etc. are happier doing these things then women are. Maybe it is because men get a charge out of accomplishing something. Maybe it is because women just want to complain. Maybe it is some of both plus other things.
Not sure what the cause of women’s unhappiness doing routine things, but it is not because they are oppressed by a mythical patriarchy.
Horseman – you’re a man who is good at being a man.
goFigure – that is interesting. we women have some seriously messed up brains sometimes.
‘we need to surround ourselves with people who will call us out on our bs and tell us the truth, and few are willing to do that ‘
You get terms like ‘mansplaining’, ‘oppressive patriarchy’, ‘misogynist’, ’emotional abuse’ and other empty terms from the perpetually offended ones.
I don’t mind calling out bs and telling the truth to them…it’s a matter if they actually listen and heed the advice or go into childish pouting mode because their feelz are hurt.
‘Maybe it is because men get a charge out of accomplishing something.’
Accomplishing something is certainly more rewarding than complaining about everything.
Wymensz are what they is but I got a good pair of them right now, and that includes a healthy dose of appreciation. Pretty much steak and blow job day every day I am at Camp Ton Coastal.
Not sure if is a sense of accomplishment per say but I did enjoy not having that routine shit hanging over my head. I would clean the house etc Thursday night so I wouldn’t have to do that shit when I got back from my ride on Sunday sort of deal but in general men are happier then women in similar circumstances.
As a matter of quality family life, it sure as shit helps if you have the money to hire routine help. Even with us.
@earl that’s why I think women need to be calling other women out, then it’s not misogyny etc. women used to keep women in check for the good of the whole beforethis “go gurl” nonsense took hold.
that’s good to hear, Ton. there are some of us good ones out there – glad you’ve got two of them 🙂
Hey all … so have been doing some thinking about my relationship with the GF, thinking about getting married again. My situation is pretty different from the norm, think I made that pretty clear in prior posts. My thoughts on the GF … she isn’t going to find any better mate than me … we actually talked about that a year or so ago. We were talking about HER divorce, she was married for 27 yrs … and had dated her Ex since high school. Went to college at the same place, dated thru college, married after both graduated. Had 2 kids and both are now grown. We are both in our mid 50s, she’s 1 1/2 yrs younger than me. I tried telling her that she had no idea how bad the current dating situation is … because she had never had to deal with it.
That discussion was very interesting, actually. I told her she had no idea how hard things are now dating wise … and that she won the lottery in meeting me and if she hadn’t met me … she would have likely ended up alone … and she actually admitted that was probably true. Why ? Because her own father told her that. In fact, I think he tried to talk her out of divorcing her hubby, told her that she would likely end up alone … most women who divorce post 50 end up that way. Its why women need a male role model … someone to tell her the truth, and she had that. Her father basically said: Look, if you divorce your hubby, you will probably end up alone … can you deal with that ? It doesn’t matter that he cheated. Do you want to be alone the rest of your life, can you handle that ? And she went thru with it. And ended up alone. Till she met me.
I think she cut off sex to her Ex at some point during the marriage … like many women do, and after 5 years or so … of no sex … he cheated. And she caught him, and he admitted it, so she got pissed and divorced him. Even her own father couldn’t talk her out of it. So it was her fault of course … would she ever admit it ? Not a chance in hell. AWALT. As I’ve gotten to know her and the facts have slipped out … I think her Ex … is actually a pretty decent guy and was a pretty good match for her too … you don’t last 27 yrs in today’s environment if you aren’t. And to me … that adds bonus points … her track record of choosing men … she chooses someone … that is a good match for her. Like him. And now, like me.
Anyway, I guess … I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t find any better than her either. We really are a great match. Yes, I could fuck lots of younger women and I have done that. But its nice to have someone to share a life with … common experiences, etc. I’m a strong believer in marriage … most men in the Sphere are … which is why so many are angry that its all gone to shit and all the laws are so biased against men. I actually believe that the one thing that separates humans from animals is marriage … pair bonding. But given the legal situation … any man considering getting married today … needs his head examined.
So … maybe this a topic for another RPG post … but, what would it take for you to get married in today’s environment ? Guess that is a question for the men …
Thanks Ame
But generally I just don’t give a shit about modern life.
I just go with my own flow doing what I want because I can.
I get people to pay me for keeping in shape and my mind active.
And its so fun watching people’s lives from the outside.
Seeing them “have it all” yet can’t install a microwave over the stove on their own or change the drive belt on a john deer mowing deck.
I even take every other Monday off.
Tell me Why?
“I don’t like Mondays.”
In case anyone is interested, I haven’t had the “N Count” discussion and frankly don’t want to. I’m pretty sure her N count is less than 5 … less than 10 for sure. And pretty sure its 2 or less in the last 25 years (probably 1, she said she never cheated) … which is all that counts, in my mind. If you can stay loyal to your partner for 25 years, you’re not a slut … which is what I want to know. Mine is around 30, but for men … that doesn’t make a huge difference anyway.
Another thought. She’s a huge animal person … has 2 dogs and 3 cats and her animals love me … well, except one cat which mostly hides when I come over but he hides when anyone comes over. I don’t think she realizes how pets become children as people get older … that her pets accept me … is a pretty big deal.
Religion isn’t a huge deal either. We are both ex Catholics and had similar experiences growing up. I’m probably a little more christian than her … was going to a Lutheran church in recent years but gave that up … most “churches” these days aren’t very christian anyway. If we got married and I insisted she go to church with me … I think she probably would. Not sure I would do that, but if I did, think she would be ok with it. Anyway, religion is not a deal breaker either.
I don’t consider it misogyny when a man points out what women are doing wrong either…but outside of a wife or daughter what I tell any random woman she’s doing wrong isn’t really going to do much because I have no Godly authority over her. They seem to have the retort ‘you’re not my dad’ locked and loaded.
So in a sense yes it is up to the older, wiser women to set the rest of the herd straight. (Titus 2:3-5) 50 years of feminism has shown that older women do have quite a bit of influence on taking the younger ones down the same destructive path.
There ain’t anything wrong with most women that a good pimp hand can’t fix. Course feminist know that and that’s why they dumbed down DV laws
Mega,
If it were just you and her, I’d say that you have all the green lights you need. The problem is we have no idea what kind of female company she will be influenced by down the road. At present, they have to be giving you a big thumbs up, or the two of you would not be together. I have been told by women that if it looks all great to the guy and it dies for some unknown reason, it is because her peer group found fault.
I wish that I could give you a more definite answer.
‘I have been told by women that if it looks all great to the guy and it dies for some unknown reason, it is because her peer group found fault.’
Sometimes it’s not even that big of an unknown reason…I was actually told her ‘friend’s’ advice is what led to her making the decision.
Plus there are an untold number of stories about how the ‘divorce bug’ seems to hit a group of close female friends all around the same time. I still think a woman’s biggest enemy is her ‘friends’.
Divorce is contagious. I think that Dalrock has posted on this subject.
Thanks Fuzzie … not sure if you or anyone has a “definite answer”. As I’ve said on here myself … in current society … as a man … you don’t just marry a woman anymore. There used to be checks and balances on women; what was acceptable by society and what was not. These days there are huge restrictions on men, even worse than ever before. And none on women … and actually the reverse … as they say … CASH AND PRIZES for nuking your marriage and fucking over men … even in stealing his children and denying him access. And as you pointed out … her peer group will be cheering her on and encouraging her to burn it down … 24×7.
The weird thing about this one is … her peer group is mostly men. Or women with their head on straight. I guess I’d consider her peer group to be her brother, her dad, and her 2 sons, and her pets … all of which I get along with. She gets along well with my family too. Her coworkers are a mix, I’d say about half and half (women and men) and most of them are probably ok (not a bad influence, probably neutral). Not like she is surrounded by women all day and they are being idiots or anything. She doesn’t have a lot of respect for women anyway … as I’ve disclosed before … she’s been around men much more than women and doesn’t think very highly of women’s opinions.
There is only 1 red flag that I’ve discovered so far. What is it about women and food issues ? She seems to have almost no control when it comes to food. She recently admitted to me that she has no control when it comes to ice cream. If she buys a carton at the store … she’ll eat the whole thing within 2 days. And … I already knew she had an issue, figured that out awhile back. If she’s got a bottle of wine in the house … she’ll drink it. Her answer … don’t have any wine in the house. Or ice cream. Or anything else … that is a vice … because she has no control. She does eat healthy … actually compared to the obese pigs that most Americans are … she does damn well. And her tastes in food are VERY COMPATIBLE WITH MINE … its kinda strange actually. I’ve never met anyone in my life that has exactly the same food preferences as someone else … but we come damn close. Her lack of control is kinda fun when it comes to sex though. She likes sex with me … so we do it a lot, lol. Guess when I figured out that she has a lack of control … it occurred to me that I have booze around the house a lot. Don’t drink it all the time … might sit there for weeks … but its there and when I want a drink … I’ll help myself. If we get married … that will have to stop and I’ll have to quit having booze around. The really ironic thing is her mother was an alcoholic … couldn’t help herself … Wonder if her ex figured out pretty quick … that NO BOOZE IN THE HOUSE is a requirement. Wouldn’t surprise me a bit.
Again … I’m a guy. A man. A rationale man. A man who understands reality. In today’s reality, it is very, very hard to find any woman with her head on straight. And nobody gets along perfectly; that’s just the way it is. Her and I get along 95% of the time time … which is a miracle, really. If I gotta compromise on the food issue … don’t buy a bag of Doritos or Ice Cream or Vodka … because it will be gone … guess I can live with that. Hell, I don’t need those things anyway. And that’s probably how she’s managed to stay skinny too … if you don’t have it around … you don’t eat it.
Guess that was kinda why I brought this up. What are the deal breakers ? What would it take for a man to actually get married these days ? I feel I am well over the goal line with her … but Jesus its hard to take that next step. What am I … suicidal ? After what I went thru before … why the hell would I want to go there again ? Why would any man. But I don’t want to grow old and die alone either ? We are get along great … and I don’t think I’ll be able to do any better … ever. Don’t think she will either. So why not ? Or why ? Stay single ? Date but stay apart ? Live together ? Just what the hell is right these days ? How the hell are you supposed to know ?
Maybe Deti can weigh in, he’s usually good for some solid advice.
Mega,
This one is all on you. For my part, I am not hearing anything that would break the deal. I do think you are right about not having booze in the house. The ice cream bit is the tip off.
You reminded me of one I had to let go. It was all good with the exception of her being a weekend drunk. When I asked her to leave the wine alone till we got home, she cracked it open and drank it in the car. After that, I could not trust her.
OK, upon thinking about it … I can think of a 2nd red flag. Media, the MSM. And … Jesus … do I even have to say it … women are influenced 10x more than men. Men read and seek the truth that lies beneath the spin. Women read FB and HuffPo and the liars at CNN and the NYTs and read the LIES and hear the LIES and think that is the truth … don’t think beyond what they are told. TV. Radio. The feed on their phone.
I have tried to Red Pill her on what’s really going on. And I have gotten denials, push back, and really what I think they call “Cognitive Dissonance” … I interpret the news and tell her whats really going on and it contradicts what she’s already been fed by the the MSM and it bothers her. Upsets her. Because she knows me, trusts me, and knows I’m telling her the truth … but she doesn’t like it, doesn’t want to hear it. She’s basically told me she doesn’t want me to bring it up anymore. She’d rather believe the lies she’s being fed because its easier. I’ve told her to turn it off and frankly compared to most Americans and most women … she actually does pretty well in dialing back her media consumption … better than most. But … Jesus … the lies people are being fed these days.
For example … the MSM tells her 24×7 that Trump should be and probably will get impeached … I tell her … he might be an obnoxious prick … but he’s committed no crime and didn’t collaborate with the Russians … and won’t be impeached no matter how much Pelosoi or Maxine Waters wants it. That Manefort won’t be going to jail … even if he is convicted … Trump will pardon him … because he’s being convicted of something that happened 10 yrs before Trump even ran for president and therefore has nothing to do with collusion. And, really, that probably no one will ever go to jail from Muellers waste of time Special Counsel and its nothing but a hit job trying to invalidate Trump’s presidency because the Democrats lost. In fact, if anyone ever ends up in jail … it will probably be Democrats … maybe Hillary … even Obama, Comey, Holder, Lynch, or whoever ordered the hit on Seth Rich (DNC).
So maybe that is what Fuzzie is talking about … its really the lies she’s being fed by the MSM.
Again … as a man … how do you counter that ? Can you, is it even possible ? How do you get her to turn it off. To ignore it. Turn off your phone ? Live in a cave ?
Mega,
This is the right place to ask that question because we do have a few women here who don’t buy into the MSM bull. Keep at her with the goal of healthy skepticism. That will make her question what she hears and form her own opinions.
i wouldn’t know what to tell you about the media b/c i’m very skeptical and don’t believe anything. i hate tv and rarely watch it. i hate the news even more and never watch it. if i want to know something, i’ll look it up – or see it here or on fb, but even then i don’t believe much.
i want to know the truth – the bottom line, raw, unfiltered, whatever-it-is, truth, and since that’s like finding one needle in all the haystacks in the world, i don’t figure i’ll ever know the truth on this side.
Mega,
Here is my take on your comments. You have already decided you want to marry this woman, now you are just looking for validation of your decision. But you are the only one who can really validate it or not.
Let me ask you a few questions. Does she want to get married again? I mean if you end up asking her and she says ‘I’m done with marriage’, you will be kicking yourself for your own stupidity. I really think you should get a sense of what she wants. Does she want to live together? Does she want to keep is casual? Because trying to change her mind on a relationship will be near impossible.
You cant even change her mind on binge eating. And when you try to change her mind about the stories from the MSM, she shut you down and said she does not want to hear the truth because it is to hard. If you marry her, you will have to conform to what she will accept, because it seems clear that she will not change.
On another note; you completely gloss over that she killed her marriage by refusing to have sex with her ex-husband for years. Maybe sex in marriage is not as important for people in the 50’s – 60’s. Only you can answer that for yourself.
You mention two red flags:
1. Lack of control around certain foods
2. Listening to MSM
I think you are looking at these slightly wrong. The way I would put it is this:
Red Flag 1. Lack of self control (Do you really know to what extent this will manifest?)
2. Weakness and inability to face hard truth (If you end up fighting cancer for a decade will she be by your side supporting you the whole time?)
3. Willingness to use sex as a tool/weapon.
You could probably deal with any of these or work around them. Only you can decide if they are deal breakers.
On a more positive note. It sounds like you two connect on many levels and can enjoy each other under most any situation. You are also able to be involved with each others family’s with ease. She does not sound demanding and makes being around her easy. Overall having her in your life is a positive and your life would not be as good if she was gone.
I think you have a challenging decision to make. I would expect Ton, to come on here and tell you never to get married. I would also expect horseman to give advice to be cautious. Actually, I would expect horseman to have some other great advice too. Hopefully you will hear from some of the other men.
That is quite interesting Mega. Seems that you have received some solid advice as well.
Just from the information presented, I am puzzled at your desire to do this. I hear you with your reverence for marriage, but I just cannot see what it is going to do for you. There seems to be no moral black clouds over either of you. Have you made a list of what it is actually going to make better? I see nothing more positive than what you already enjoy together. I would say that the dread associated with not having the contract is good for your relationship. Marriage for the sake of not dying alone is, IMO, a bad call.
@goFigure … good comments, thanks. And you summed it up pretty well; 3 red flags. #1 Lack of self control. #2 is more like the political divide that is separating our country right now and her refusal to take the Red Pill. #3 as you said … sex as a weapon … big red flag.
Here is my response: ALWALT. My experience is that most women suffer from lack of self control and as you said … I better be able to deal with that because it ain’t changing. In a lot of women … this is manifested by buying shit/spending like crazy, so fortunately that ain’t her. But … lack of self control, ALWALT. Can I deal with that in her … I think so, at least I know what I’m getting into. #2 … kinda the same deal, name a woman that reads HuffPo or watches CNN and doesn’t think Trump is Satan incarnate. Ever try to tell such a woman … he isn’t ? Maybe me trying to get her to take the RP isn’t going to work. At some point, I’ll accept that and stop trying. Can I live with either outcome ? I think so. As for #3 … name a woman who doesn’t use sex as a weapon. AWALT. And as I said … I’m in my 50s … sex is/has become less important. If I was in my 20s … probably a deal breaker. At our ages … its not such a big deal and will be less and less a deal over time. Its pretty good right now which is what matters to me. How many 70 yrs olds fuck like teenagers ? None.
So 95% of the other stuff is fine. I got 3 red flags … all of which I can deal with. Can I do better ? Don’t think so. Don’t think she can either.
“It sounds like you two connect on many levels and can enjoy each other under most any situation. You are also able to be involved with each others family’s with ease. She does not sound demanding and makes being around her easy. Overall having her in your life is a positive and your life would not be as good if she was gone.”
Bingo.
@ih8lookingback.
Good questions. I think some of this is the result of what I read recently on another blog. Many of you have probably heard this phrase before … Get to “No” as quickly as possible. This is usually in regards to sex, either she’s DTF or not and either she finds you attractive or not. Find out !!!
Anyway, the dude was saying when you get into a relationship you should escalate as quickly as possible … find out the Red Flags sooner rather than later. And if you do that … you should be able to determine fairly quickly if she is marriage material or not. Get to her house, invite her into yours. Meet her family, her friends, her dogs. Invite her into your life. Let her stay the night, stay at her place. JUMP THE FUCK IN … PUT SOME SKIN IN THE GAME. Sooner you get to “No”, the better. And if you don’t find any “No’s” … then take a chance and put a ring on it. Why ? Because once you do … there is at least a little bit of commitment because its all still new. She will actually try to make it work rather than just bolting at the first sign of difficulty. How long does it take to find out where the “No’s” are ? Dude said … not long. You’ll know in 3-6 months if you jump in and escalate quickly as possible. If you’ve been dating 6 mos and still don’t know what her faults are … either she’s not the right one or you’re doing it wrong.
That kinda reminded me of what I already knew: There is no … “The One” … no … “Soul Mate”. What you need to do is find someone who is 90% compatible and learn how to deal with the rest. And for her to do the same. Perfection doesn’t exist. To make the rest work requires commitment and compromise.
So that blog post got me thinking. I actually brought up the marriage question with her about a yr ago … after about 6 months of dating, lol. Was kinda awkward. She was kinda non committal and it hasn’t been brought up since, which is kinda strange. Thought she probably would have by now, but she hasn’t. If you follow my story that was about 1 1/2 yrs after her divorce of a 27 yr marriage and only the second guy she’d had a date with afterwards. So I understand the hesitation.
But the thing is … we did jump the fuck in. Very quickly … probably too quick for her but it all worked out. Its been a year since I brought it up. And we’ve only gotten closer, been thru some shit together, which is good. Can’t really see my life without her anymore. And, yes, I mentioned not dying alone and I know that sound pathetic. It wasn’t really what I meant. As goFigure mentioned … is my life better with her than without her ? YUP.
Actually had a bad dream this AM just before waking up. What if I bring it up and she says no ? Its actually not a very good time with what we got going on in our lives. But when is a good time ? Will there ever be one ? So … what if she says no. Guess the other blog dude was right … it she says No … at least I’ll know and be able to move on. Better than wasting another 2 years with her before I find out. Which was the whole point of that guys blog post.
Guess I got some more thinking to do.
@ Mega it’s a big decision. It’s good to seek the counsel of the guys here. I hesitate to wade in because it’s been said women can’t advise men on relationships. You might ask at Spawny’s too.
Yeah its a big decision, huge decision. I was actually seeking your advice and the advice of other women too … but you are correct. Women’s advice to men on dating/relationships is usually not very helpful. I’ll consider posting at Spawny’s … haven’t done so in a long while. Thanks for letting me throw all this out there on your site. Who knows, maybe someone, someday will benefit from it.
Mega,
It has occurred to me that you are getting “love bombed” big time. This may not be a bad thing. You have to look to her motivations. If it is because she likes you and the two of you are getting along well, so she wants to put a lock on you, that is a good motivation.
What I see happening with you could be generalized to women over fifty. Some of them are getting sharp enough to realize that good men are getting thin on the ground. Feminism hasn’t helped.
@mega something that stood out to me is you seem indecisive about this, like you are unsure. And there’s nothing wrong w that but it could be a sign now isn’t the time. I also found your comment that you weren’t sure she would say yes and if so that might be the end of it to be curious. What if she said no but still wanted to continue as things are? Is it all or nothing? Also something to ponder, how would getting married change things from how they are right now? And I am not saying you should or shouldn’t, just saying look at your motives, what you are hoping to achieve, etc.
But like I said, trust the guys more on this than myself! I only ask questions for your own reflection… you can answer here or just to yourself. 🙂
Mega –
are you asking women b/c you want to know what your GF is thinking from a woman’s pov?
it seems odd to me that she hasn’t given any indicators of an interest in marriage at all, and the one time you did approach it – six months in – she was resistant.
it sounds like you’re the only one she’s dated since her divorce? if so, i’m not sure she truly believes her MMV is narrow. she may still want to try that out for herself.
five years without sex with her husband? that’s a huge concern.
– – –
your personal root concern seems to be a fear of growing older alone. i’ve seen this one up close and personal, and it didn’t end well.
from personal experience and observation … making decisions like this out of fear is rarely a good thing.
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She was over last night and didn’t get to post and, lol, didn’t say anything. Still mulling it over … whether I should say anything. Seems like people are misunderstanding what I’m trying to say so I’ll try to clarify.
First, Fuzzie … in your last comment you were wrong, really wrong.
Second, I’ll address Ame’s comments she had some good ones:
“it seems odd to me that she hasn’t given any indicators of an interest in marriage at all” – Yep, a surprise to me as well … which is why I was soliciting a woman’s perspective.
“and the one time you did approach it – six months in – she was resistant.” – Nope … it wasn’t resistance … I think it was more like “shock” or “surprise”. I don’t she was thinking about getting remarried at all. Remember, she had recently got out of long term marriage and I am the only one she’s dated since. And she knows my history with marriage … and how I got screwed over. I think she figured … I’d never want to get married again either. So … caught her completely off guard. And I didn’t propose or anything … I just said something like “Hey sweetie, have you ever thought about getting married again …. ” and the open ended part meant “with me” but that didn’t have to be said, she knew. And she was floored. Mumbled and bubbled and really said nothing. It wasn’t resistance.
“if so, i’m not sure she truly believes her MMV is narrow. she may still want to try that out for herself.” – Hmmm. First part is for sure. Earlier I reference AWALT and #1 – #3 … she is behaving like all other women do. Not as bad as most … but same patterns. This is the same … you may be correct … maybe she REALLY doesn’t understand the full nature of how limited her MMV is. And maybe … thinks … maybe she can do better.
The second part is concerning … do you really think she’d want to “try that out for herself” ? If so … I’d want that little experiment to happen BEFORE we get hitched. I know guys talk about Dread … but damn I hate playing games like that. Maybe … if she drags her feet I should break up with her for awhile and suggest she “play the field” … so she can see what her options really look like. Really don’t want to go there though. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone. “Hey sweetie … here’s your future … YOU”RE FUCKED.” Lets put it this way: she’s already admitted to me that in the 1 yr after her divorce and before she met me … she had 1 date … with a high school classmate she connected with thru facebook (a weirdo), she gained 20 lbs, and was horribly depressed.
“your personal root concern seems to be a fear of growing older alone.” No, … its not. Seems like everyone misunderstood my comment. My rationale is this: I don’t think I can do any better. I don’t think she can either. I think its natural for men/women to pair up … they are both happier that way. I think we are a great fit for each other. Age, does change things for sure. And nobody wants to grow old and die alone. But that is NOT the reason I’m contemplating it.
Hope this doesn’t get misunderstood either. But … it ALREADY feels like we are married … in a way. We’ve been together … doing stuff, having sex … every weekend and usually once during the week … for nearly 2 yrs. I think we’ve missed one weekend in that time. Yes … holidays, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, vacations, etc. Shit like that. Basically … I’m not looking anymore. And I don’t think she is either. We’ve coupled up and are monogamous. And as you get older you realize that you are vulnerable … not invincible, like when you are young. You see people die, get hurt, have a heart attack, get cancer, get in a car accident, lose their job, get divorced, get divorce raped. Shit happens. Life is short … you realize that. So if you found someone you are happy with and can’t do any better … why not ???
And one other point … I used to think that living together was a good way … to “test the waters” for marriage … without actually getting married. Did that with my Ex … and it didn’t work. And really, now don’t think that ever actually works. Why ? Because at the first sign of trouble … she can bail and leave. Or he can. Nobody has skin in the game. Nope … this time … its all in.
She already has a house … lived there for over 20 yrs, had it built, raised her kids there. She bought her Ex out in her divorce and refinanced … so its hers alone now. One kid still lives at home … he’s 26 … Jesus, time to get a fucking life. If we get married … I would want her to sell her place and move in with me … and the kid gets his own place. There are reasons for this too … she has a long drive to work now … from my place its literally minutes away. She’d save 1 hr every day by just not having to commute so far, save on gas money, etc. Her 9 hr work day just became an 8 hr work day. Her house does need a lot of work too, but the market is good now … easy to sell. She spends a lot of time at my place and likes it … think she likes it better then own place actually. And my place is paid for … she’s got a mortgage. She sells her place, pockets the profits, and lives with me … win/win. But basically … I want her to put skin in the game … I already am … by the sole fact that I am getting married; which is borderline suicidal for men. So sell your house, have your kid get his own place … long overdue anyway … and move in with me. The biggest obstacle … is my place is not as good for her dogs as her place is … she’s got a nice big fenced in yard, etc. Don’t think its fair to expect her to get rid of the dogs though … but that might be the biggest obstacle. We’d have to try that … the dogs, to see if it works. And … actually that’s a pretty good explanation as to why we should get married before she moves in. Lets say she moves in and the dog situation doesn’t work. If we’re not married and she’s got no “skin in the game” … she just takes her dogs and leaves. If we are married and it doesn’t work … REALLY ? YOU JUST GOT MARRIED AND YOU”RE NOW ENDING IT BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING DOGS ??? YOU”RE PICKING YOUR DOGS OVER YOUR HUSBAND ??? ARE YOU INSANE ??? And its not like her dogs are horrible or anything or that I don’t like them, they’re ok. But they are barkers … anyone comes within 100 ft of her house … and they go off. Which is kinda good in a way … built in alarm system. But at my place … people are going to be coming and going all day and night … its a Townhouse … so we got close neighbors and yes some of them have dogs too. So if your dogs are going ape shit barking all day and night … its not going to work. And if it don’t work … GET RID OF THE DOGS … is the correct answer. Skin in the game.
Sorry for rambling and spilling my guts. Again, hopefully someday, someone can learn something from this. For the lady’s visiting this blog … Yes, this is how men really think.
@ Mega all good info, makes more sense now than before. Some bridges to cross (her son becoming independent in a way she feels good about, the houses thing, the dogs, etc.) working thru all that will be a good test, you’ll both see if you can work together for the common good thru such things rather than power struggling or so on. Keep us posted!
Mega – i do have some thoughts on what you’ve written. this is just one woman’s pov from the limited amount you’ve shared, not knowing either of you personally. and, fyi, i’m in my 50’s, too 🙂
This is the same … you may be correct … maybe she REALLY doesn’t understand the full nature of how limited her MMV is. And maybe … thinks … maybe she can do better.
there could be her wondering if she could do better … or just her wondering what it’s really like out there and curious. either way, she’ll compare every man she meets with both her ex and you and at least subconsciously rate y’all against one another.
The second part is concerning … do you really think she’d want to “try that out for herself” ? If so … I’d want that little experiment to happen BEFORE we get hitched. I know guys talk about Dread … but damn I hate playing games like that.
yeah, those kinds of games suck. but it might be something she perceives would be fun and glamorous because she’s never done it. she might be in her 50’s, but in her mind she’s still young and as attractive as she was in high school and college.
Remember, she had recently got out of long term marriage and I am the only one she’s dated since. And she knows my history with marriage … and how I got screwed over. I think she figured … I’d never want to get married again either. So … caught her completely off guard. And I didn’t propose or anything … I just said something like “Hey sweetie, have you ever thought about getting married again …. ” and the open ended part meant “with me” but that didn’t have to be said, she knew. And she was floored. Mumbled and bubbled and really said nothing. It wasn’t resistance.
honestly, all of this concerns me. yes, you caught her completely off guard, but if she had any interest in marriage at all, she would have brought it up again herself within a few days. that she mumbled through it and hasn’t brought it up again is a huge deal from the view i have.
My rationale is this: I don’t think I can do any better. I don’t think she can either. I think its natural for men/women to pair up … they are both happier that way. I think we are a great fit for each other. Age, does change things for sure. And nobody wants to grow old and die alone. But that is NOT the reason I’m contemplating it.
you are probably right about your compatibility and each being each other’s best, but i’m not sure she *knows* that in the same way you do. and if she’s not red-pilled in any form, and given her marriage and how she treated him, she doesn’t have a high confidence in a man’s opinion.
But … it ALREADY feels like we are married … in a way. We’ve been together … doing stuff, having sex … every weekend and usually once during the week … for nearly 2 yrs. I think we’ve missed one weekend in that time. Yes … holidays, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, vacations, etc. Shit like that. Basically … I’m not looking anymore. And I don’t think she is either. We’ve coupled up and are monogamous. And as you get older you realize that you are vulnerable … not invincible, like when you are young. You see people die, get hurt, have a heart attack, get cancer, get in a car accident, lose their job, get divorced, get divorce raped. Shit happens. Life is short … you realize that. So if you found someone you are happy with and can’t do any better … why not ???
it sounds like she’s very comfortable – she has all the privilege without any responsibility.
And one other point … I used to think that living together was a good way … to “test the waters” for marriage … without actually getting married. Did that with my Ex … and it didn’t work. And really, now don’t think that ever actually works. Why ? Because at the first sign of trouble … she can bail and leave. Or he can. Nobody has skin in the game. Nope … this time … its all in.
i personally agree, but i’m not her 🙂
She already has a house … lived there for over 20 yrs, had it built, raised her kids there. She bought her Ex out in her divorce and refinanced … so its hers alone now. One kid still lives at home … he’s 26 … Jesus, time to get a fucking life. If we get married … I would want her to sell her place and move in with me … and the kid gets his own place. There are reasons for this too … she has a long drive to work now … from my place its literally minutes away.
has she given any indication at all that she wants to move from that house? we women get super overly attached to things like the place where we raised our babies! it means a LOT to us. to most men it’s just a house, to a woman, it’s her life.
i’m also concerned about you giving her son the boot – not that if y’all get married he shouldn’t move out, but she will likely see that as you making her choose between her baby and you. it doesn’t matter than he’s 26; he’s her baby.
also, that her 26 year old son is still living with her in her home where she raised her babies and has all those memories … and with you at your own place – the combination of her 26 year old son and you means all her male needs are met. throw in the dogs, and you’ve got an explosion waiting to happen. she will see you making her choose between her life’s work and memories in her home, between her babies (even though it’s only one at home), and her doggies … and for what? a townhome and a closer commute?
she doesn’t see it the same way you do. i don’t think she’s ready to let go of all of that, and with the situation the way it is now, she doesn’t have to. you haven’t called it yet, and either she’s kinda fearful you will so she avoids the topic of permanence all together, or it’s not on her radar as she thinks y’all have the perfect set up as it is now.
i can almost guarantee you that if she has to choose between her home, her babies, and her doggies – and you, you will loose.
Ton has brought this up before … not to marry a woman who is divorced or widowed with kids … because either we don’t care enough to care what happens to our kids and we ditch what they need over what we want (which we see a lot of ) … or we cannot choose our new husband over our children, ever, regardless of age. and it’s always an us against him/them (his kids) thing. i hate that that’s true, but it is.
my story is on my blog if interested, but i was married 20 years before he left. i was a single mom for four years before i married the man i’m married to now. he has three children and i have two. his oldest two were married before i met him. his youngest and my oldest are two months apart. and as much as i’d love to gush about what a wonderful wife and step mom i am, and how i’ve done an exemplary job blending our families … and i do think i’ve done a pretty darn good job of it all, i have to be honest and tell you that if he ever made me choose between my girls and him, he’s loose in a heartbeat. i wouldn’t even blink. the thing is that he knows that and knew it going in, so he accepted it before we married. i also know it’s true for him and his kids. if i ever made him choose, he’d be gone. and while our three were younger when we married, it would still hold true today – they’re 20, 20, and 18 … and it will hold true till i die. my girls come first, and it’s an effort to put him before them – like pulling logs through quicksand sometimes. and we have a good marriage. and don’t even get me started on the doggies. my girls and i had decided before i even began dating that if the dog didn’t like him or he didn’t like the dog, he was out. the end.
since she hasn’t brought up the idea of a permanent relationship at all on any level, and y’all seem to have good communication and get along and agree on so many levels, that’s just super huge.
i think you mentioned you have couple friends you do things with – y’all met riding bikes with them. if so, you might want to get one of your buddies to bring up the idea while y’all are in a group and see what she says and how she responds. idk if that’s something men would do or not. that way you get the info without having to be the one to solicit it, and then you can decide what you want to do from there.
also … if it does move forward, and she feels like she has to ‘give up’ her house, i think she will hold a little grudge if you don’t have to ‘give up’ yours, too. it’s a weird thing at older ages, the housing thing, the stuff thing … whose stuff is more valuable than the other’s, even if it’s stuff you don’t care for. imo, if possible, it’s better to sell both places and pick only a few stuff things to bring forward, get a new place and new stuff to begin something new.
i hope all this helps. again, i’m just one woman out here, and i’ve never even met either of you.
Mega,
After your last comment here is what I think. You are more emotionally invested in this relationship than she is. You need to change that. Back off. Do things away from her. Start planning your life with out her. Begin moving on.
You said that neither of you is seeing other people. I suggest you change that. Find someone else to be emotionally attached to.
Just my two cents.
I’ll reply to goFigure first because its easy … kinda like Fuzzie … just totally misreading the situation. I’m not more invested in her … she is way more invested in me and would be absolutely devastated if I were to dump her. Remember … her Ex already cheated on her. If I was even to back off and date others … that would be “cheating” again her mind. And she’d go nuclear … AWALT … no going back. Her Ex cheated on her … they stayed together for awhile and even her father told her … that her life would be shit if she divorced him … and she did. Doing that would probably ruin her life as she’d do the same to me and she would likely be alone the rest of her life. And ruin my chances of ever being happy with her. And if you understand my logic … thought I was pretty clear about that … that I think I can’t do any better than her … then I’d be ruining my own life too. So … dude … really ???
And I’ll try to respond to Ame’s comments … and jeez I’m usually pretty verbose … but she was even worse than me.
#1 Ame: “yeah, those kinds of games suck. but it might be something she perceives would be fun and glamorous because she’s never done it. she might be in her 50’s, but in her mind she’s still young and as attractive as she was in high school and college.”
And we have a winner. And I know this is gonna probably sound bad and I don’t mean it too. What Ame said is true … she is still living under the delusions that she’s 21 and hot as fuck. She’s said as much to me … and not the only woman to do so. She thinks … she could show up and any bar, flirt with the guys there, pick out some tall good looking stud and take him home to fuck. Any time she wants. AWALT. The power of her pussy is so strong … men just can’t contain themselves. REALITY is far different. And she doesn’t want to deal with that reality. So she lives with her own delusions; and not wanting to face the truth, avoiding the truth. Now that I’ve take the RP … I understand that and actually think its ok … so long as its not destructive. I have no interest in bursting her delusion bubble and facing her to deal with the truth. Its kinda like men taking the Red Pill … we really don’t want to take it … its usually shoved down our throats while someone has a gun to our head and a baseball bat up our ass.
#2 Ame: “you are probably right about your compatibility and each being each other’s best, but i’m not sure she *knows* that in the same way you do. and if she’s not red-pilled in any form, and given her marriage and how she treated him, she doesn’t have a high confidence in a man’s opinion.”
Hmm, good point. I agree … she doesn’t know that we are such a good match; like I do. And if you follow … she’s basically had the last 30 yrs with another man … who was a pretty decent guy from what I’ve been able to tell … though I’ve never met the dude. So anyway … I’m just the next guy up. She’s never had to deal with all the losers and assholes out there. Doesn’t know they exist. Wish I could live in that delusion bubble, lol. But I know better. And she doesn’t. So, yeah.
#3 Ame: lots of other comments … a home means more to a woman, forcing her kid to move on, dogs, etc.
And I’ll say that Ame’s comments are pretty much spot on for the typical woman; so good job. This chick is not the typical woman as I’ve tried to disclose. As for the house … first … it needs a lot of work. Her Ex didn’t do anything to maintain it the last 10 yrs of marriage or so. And maybe women can learn something from this. How men think. He’s thinking … I got married to get regular access to sex and we fuck twice a year; birthday and new years. When I want sex any other time … ITS NOT AVAILABLE. So when she wants something … fuck her. So they live as strangers in the same house; the more she cuts him off from sex … the more distant he becomes. Till he just fucking care anymore and realizes if he ever wants to get laid again … he’s gonna have to cheat. Wanna know what happens to a house when you do no maintenance for 10 years ??? Yeah, it starts falling apart. There are probably 2 reasons why she wanted that house in divorce … one is to fuck her hubby out of it and two … she’s near where her father lives. Which is huge. And is probably the biggest issue other than the dogs.
So … the house … she wants to be near her father ,,, who is old, getting older, not in good health and will probably die in the next few years. Yet she hates it. Its falling apart. And now that she can’t blame her ex … its on her. She can’t fix it. Won’t fix it. And doesn’t want to pay anyone else to fix it. Walk away ???? Yes … she’d do that in a heartbeat … if it wasn’t for her father.
Her kid: Ame … you swung and missed. Normally you’d be right but in this instance … nope, you’re wrong. If you’ve followed my ramblings … the GF is not your typical female and doesn’t baby the kid at all. Actually she’s kind of a hard ass on them. She had 2 boys … the youngest is cool and moved out years ago. The oldest … still at home … he moved away for a few years and then moved back “to get his shit together” and he’s still there … 2 years later. Really don’t think she’d be upset at all if I called her bluff … had her kid move out to get his own place and grow the hell up. So … miss on that one. Normally you’d be right, but not this time.
You nailed it on the dogs though. Probably the biggest issue … she could give on the house and give on the kid … but the dogs … that would a big deal for her. If they don’t work out at my place.
All your other comments are fine and normal and would be correct for most all other women; like your comment that if she has to sell her place and that I don’t … that it would bother her, over time, and cause issues. For most women … that would be true … not sure it would be true for her though … cause in many ways … she thinks like a man … as I mentioned. As for your comment on our mutual friends (biking) … pretty much know that all of them … who have seen us together … would say … PUT A RING ON IT.
Will be interesting to see how things unfold over the next few weeks. We are going away to a B&B this weekend to do some hiking/biking. And a few weeks after that … going on a trip out of town together to go visit her cousin who is like a sister to her; 5 hr car ride together there and 3 days together 24×7. And my birthday is coming up. So this might come to a head. Or not. Or might blow up. Or not. One thing I’ve learned about life … you never know what to expect.
And … I’m done …
Maybe the dogs could go to doggie daycare if the barking is too much during the day? An option anyway… they have such a thing in my area anyway.
Ame: lots of other comments
lol! my girls would be rolling their eyes saying, “Ohhh, Mo-om!” if i shared this with them 🙂 . my Husband probably tunes me out after awhile 😉 .
i wish you and yours the best, Mega 🙂