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anxiety, balance, battle of the sexes, burnout, depression, divorce, equality, gender relations, happiness, marriage, men's rights, modern woman, post-feminism, red pill, unhappiness, women's rights, working mom, working woman
I may be dating myself, but when I was a young girl there was a perfume commercial with a very catchy jingle that pretty much summed up the times.
It went:
“I can bring home the bacon
Fry it up in a pan
And never, ever let him forget he’s a man
Cause I’m a woman
Enjoli!”
Granted by today’s standards this song symbolizing the liberated modern woman ideal of that time almost sounds sexist. Were it rewritten today it would likely leave out the frying things up in a pan, or never letting him forget he’s a man, but trust me, at the time it was edgy.
Fast forward to today. Studies show women are more dissatisfied with their lives than they were in generations past, marriage rates at at a 93-year low, depression and other mental health issues are at all time highs, and things haven’t quite panned out the way they were supposed to.
So now what? When do we stop demanding more rights and concessions and change, and start realizing that’s not the answer? Realize that maybe the plan was flawed, and trying to have it all and all at once was actually a set up to fail?
I wish I knew how to fix this big old mess. I think talking about it openly would be a great a start. And admitting what was supposed to be the answer has actually led to other problems, more problems, unforeseen problems.
Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it? If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Feminists aren’t going to give up the whip hand, just because other women are unhappy (better to reign in Hell). What they are going to say is that weak men are screwing up feminism.
@ headhunter yes, it’s always the ebul men somehow, conveniently!
If feminism truly was about equality and making life better for women — AND children, AND men — it might work better?
Here’s the commercial, I had forgotten some of it… reading bedtime books and then getting busy, too! For the 24 hour woman… Lol. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k0_uhUhqrbk
“Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it?”
I think I’m lucky that we’re able to openly talk about feminism failing in the area we live in. There seem to be more red pill men (and women even) in Texas, too, although maybe they aren’t aware they seem red pill.
Side note… I’m losing my best real life mentor because her husband got a job states away and they’re moving in a few weeks. I’m dying inside I’m so sad! She’s been just so incredible to me for years – spiritually and relationally she’s the woman I want to become, and I cant believe I’m losing her! 😥
Sorry Bloom!!! She was never one that anything was taboo to talk about. She regularly read my blog and talked to me about the things I was writing.
And she has so much wisdom!!!! She perfectly embodied being a submissive and respectful wife to her husband, and he was an unbeliever!!! Which was even more amazing to see her gracefulness in all of that.
Wonder why women desire to be so unhappy they do i do
Yes Stephanie it is good you live where things aren’t so taboo. I do too somewhat but I also have to be careful bc there are a lot of hardcore liberal folks in my area too. I feel things out carefully before talking too freely.
I am sorry to hear about your friend/mentor moving. Hugs! God must have a plan, even if it’s not clear… xoxoxo
Stephanie,
There is still the internet. You won’t even have to leave home. You can even use it to talk to bears in Jellystone Park.
RPG,
I do remember that commercial.
The more I think about it, the more I see that Suzanne Vencker is right. The crazies have taken over and the sane women have to come back. Men can’t go to war with women. It is a strong social taboo that is in place for good reason.
@yoda I am not so sure many realize the source of the unhappy.
https://me.me/market?meme_id=11078414
FML,
I am smiling. I bet that she wishes that she had not frivorced the original. Life would have remained so much simpler.
Last night as my wife and I were watching the TV news together (something about the royal pain in the ass wedding I think) she made a comment out of left field about being very grateful for what she has with me, that she is very content with her life.
So, as a husband I heard from my Mrs. that she is content, grateful and happy for what she has….it doesn’t get much better than that
‘ If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?’
Feminism for women is like socialism for Marxists…we just haven’t done it right yet or men have continued to screw it up yet so we need to double and triple down on it. If we just give women unlimited rights to do whatever they want and remove all bad feels and consequences of their actions…they will finally be happy. And if you think this is an impossiblity that’s just evil mansplaining talking.
It won’t go away until the herd reverts back to the way God set things up…but that starts with humility.
This is an interesting article related to this blog post. Here goes.
View story at Medium.com
Very interesting article. She was pretty spot on about everything.
But did you notice, it is all someone else’s fault?!?!?!
No self responsibility what so ever.
@FML: Yes, I did notice the abdication of responsibiiity and blaming other. It is a feature and not a bug. I am an early GenX’er nearing 50 and my time is past. I always wondered in the 90’s why women were so messed up in the head, little realizing that feminism was at its peak!!. I noticed the real masculinization of women happening when they started getting into hardcore weight training around 1998 and inking their bodies. From their it has been downhill despite getting into the bodybuilding culture, women became fatter and nastier. We see it only getting worse with time. I often ask the question as to whether most women realize the consequences of their actions in terms of cause and effect. It is the men who seemed to concerned about the economy,society and saving civilization from the cancer of feminism.
Nice.
A question just for the women’s. Could you ever get in that pose and NOT be thinking something sexual?
I remember that verse from Salt n Pepa’s song She Thang. Going back to watch that music video now, I miss when feminism was more like that, more like, “This is how it is and this is how things are going to go.” But they also had the song, “Whatta Man” that praises good men. It’s still used in other commercial to this day.
Now feminism is whiny with all this victimization and begging.
I remember the commercial, but I think I liked the Gene – a -tay (spelling, who needs spelling?) one better.
Put everything in the “smarts” basket, huh? Makes me think that she’s not physically attractive, or at least not better than a 5 (which is “meh”). Men don’t mind a smart, pretty girl with a strong personality (should make for better kids), what they don’t like is know-it-all bitches.
Doesn’t want to have kids? Well, find an older guy who already has the kids he wanted.
@ headhunter actually yes, totally possible. Although I can see why you would ask. 😉
I think it’s not so much the smarts basket as it is how she describes herself as acting like a guy. Guys compete all the time, everywhere. They don’t want to compete w their woman. Agreed, re an older guy who already had kids could be a good match. Her not having kids nor baby rabies would be a positive to many.
She identifies the issues, but is she willing to make changes? Just like blue pill guys realize being “nice” and never masculine doesn’t work, she’s realizing the flip for women.
I dont agree with the Medium author for blaming others about being masculine and disliking pregnancy. Biology ALWAYS trumps personal preferences.
Hormones are kicking in hard for women in their late 20s/early 30s…. It is the last hurrah! A woman’s body is screaming ‘impregnate me’!
Regardless of a her intellect and desires. She will naturally gravitate towards babies and pregnancy. It is a primal need. It cannot be taught or denied. So if this author ‘did not feel the urge’ then perhaps her hormones were not functioning as they should normally.
Yes Biology makes us do the darnest things.
Just like shit-testing men. Women shit test not because they are bitches. Most dont Even know theyre doing it. It is those darn hormones at play again. It is engrained deep within our DNA to question our partners continuously …our primal need is for him to be the strongest and most capable … The one who can ensure our security and the longevity of our offsprings.
“Why tell me that the world was my oyster, and that being smart and educated was the way forward in life at the expense of being social, pretty, feminine?”
I do feel sorry for this author, but at the same time, no one was telling her she shouldn’t also work on being social (that is so needed!), pretty (helps in lots of ways to better yourself physically!), and feminine.
Maybe the “don’t be feminine” is valid, but femininity is so rewarded in real life, it’s hard to believe someone smart didn’t also realize this.
RichardP, if you’re reading this, you may want to get your daughter to read that piece.
It sounds like a brutal awakening like that could happen to her with the direction she’s going in.
@ Stephanie I experienced similar messaging growing up. And was presented it almost as a choice: smart OR feminine, as if one could not be both. I was also encouraged to actively downplay my looks, so I would, “be taken seriously.” What a bunch of hooey. But at one point I believed it.
Agreed love, I am not sure she realizes this is what’s behind her drive to couple up?
@RPG You are correct that men don’t want a woman to be competitive as we get plenty of that from other men, I wonder if she suffers from high – T for a female. She might look into it.
Ash so true re missing when feminism was more like that! Seems so quaint now….
@ headhunter I wonder if the avatar pic is really her? If so she looks over a 5….
“@ Stephanie I experienced similar messaging growing up. And was presented it almost as a choice: smart OR feminine, as if one could not be both. I was also encouraged to actively downplay my looks, so I would, “be taken seriously.” What a bunch of hooey. But at one point I believed it.”
Wow Bloom that is just insane to me! My parents always taught me that I could be both… and that I should try to be both.
I don’t know. To me men seem to like being able to talk to someone that has interests and ideas as long as she’s not competing with him in knowledge or emasculating him (which this girl admits to doing by nature). To me that’s weird. You don’t have to be emasculating to be smart!!!! But I DO get that you experienced growing up that that was presented like an either/or thing.
Just want to say that’s so wrong! My husband tells me sometimes that he loves that I know certain things (from my biology degree of all things), and loves thinking of me as his nerd… calls me his “sexy nerd,” lol. But I don’t try to “out-smart” him though, or have fights over intelligence etc.
Almost every female student I have come across these days have been focused on career, This spring semester, most of the girls in the class did not have a boyfriend, except for one who was very feminine and an old romantic who wore something nice for valentines day. These days it is too dangerous to look at a woman in the eye because she returns the favor by sending a death stare and messaging to me that she is not to be messed with. I have found this in both young as well as old women.The muscularity and the tatts are the most off putting even before she says a word from her mouth. I have had some of my students male students tell me that some of their female peers have had over a 100 a sexual partners, mind you this is in the deep south!!
Again, call-out to Richard P, I’ve SEEN this happen with beautiful friends who went to med school. And the ones who did find an equal partner, they gave up their doctor “career” sometimes only a year or 2 years in!
One woman I know gave up her “career” literally right after she graduated med school LOL.
“They never mentioned hypergamy. They never said being a doctor’s great and all, but how exactly will you ‘mate up’ from there? Female doctors have it tough because many of their male comrades marry down. Engineers and physicists the same. They are intimidating women and this will be a hindrance to them in the mating game. Maybe in the end a partner and kids will matter more to them than some reinforced concrete, or protons in a particle accelerator? At the very least this is worth considering early on.”
She should have gone for something like nursing or physicians assistant etc. Not as many loans either.
jg1… not trying to out you, but don’t you live in that cesspool of a college and liberal city, that rhymes with Boston?
So only men can marry down? How incredibly sexist.
And no, i don’t mean you.
I had a friend of mine whose niece graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering and then went onto nursing school because she did not like being an engineer!!
I used to Live in Nashville, but now I live in San Antonio….
I can’t stand the traffic in San Antonio…ugh!!
“Guys compete all the time, everywhere. They don’t want to compete w their woman.”
Everything is competition: work, sports, driving, walking down the street.
We are built in to assess every situation as is there threat here, is there reward here, what do I need to do to overcome, is it worth the effort or risk of damage.
And the solution set is always a choice of
Advance hard, maneuver to flank, wait in overwatch, detour to avoid, or withdraw.
Notice help, protect, defer are not on that list as competition is a zero sum game as opposed to cooperation where helping the other advances both.
So if you want to compete with men the natural outcome is for us to defeat you, work around you, or ignore you.
Its not personal, its just competition.
One last thought.
Notice how guys may respect even admire their opponent, shake hands after the match. But they never go out for beers after the match. Maybe an acknowledged beer raise across the bar but never have brews together. Why?
Because we were in competition today so we may compete tomorrow and I need to be ready.
@Horseman, your right about the ways of men. If not for this competition among men, civilization would not have advanced to what it is today. Men built civilization for the love pussy and created all the material comforts to make women and children comfortable. With aggressive emasculation of men and boys, it wont be long when we will all be living in grass huts!!!
Girls have fuck zone/friend zone to meet their internal (procreation) drive.
I want to to serve them so they will protect me
I want them to serve me or go away
Men have tribe zone/competitor zone to meet their internal (achieve) drive
I want them with me to advance my tribe
I want to neutralize them as a threat to my tribe
Just as men are feminizing themselves into the friend zone, women are mascalizing themselves into the competitor zone.
“I used to Live in Nashville, but now I live in San Antonio”
Well we’re not Austin, but we ARE or WERE the “fattest city in the US.” Which means probably the fattest city in the world, since the US is the fattest country last time I checked.
Which means… unless there are obese alien creatures out there somewhere, our city is the
FATTEST
CITY
IN
THE
UNIVERSE
lol.
Want a taco???
That’s a pretty femme pic for someone with so many masculine traits, isn’t it?
I am noticing the same feminism that has infected the Mormon church. It seems their CEO has told women that they should out into the world get highly educated and be the best in their field. I was also reading somewhere that there are high earning Mormon women who would rather be single than married having a family.
@stephanie exactly, it’s good you were encouraged to be both! Women can be both. Just like women and men can work together in marriage and other ways, it doesn’t have to be gal vs. guy. Too many have been sold this “battle of the sexes” hogwash!
Ya know, if that is what women want, let them have it.
But then they shouldn’t complain later about it.
I forget, their unhappiness is always someone else’s fault.
@ Stephanie I know a sahm, our kids were in preschool together, who has a law degree! Even I had that momentary thought of, “what? All that education and you stay home w three kids?” But after thinking it over I realized that was my old programming. She’s a great mom and what more important job is there than that and supporting her architect hubby’s career? She can always do law later, after the kids are grown. I do wonder if it is wise, how much $$$ was spent on being a not lawyer or not doctor but… maybe that wasn’t the plan, it’s just how things turned out? I can’t imagine someone would go thru that kind of education planning up front to not go into that field.
@fml women often want what they don’t have, until they get that then want something else they don’t have! The grass is always greener… in some imaginary perfect world. This hamstering is a big part of women being unhaaaaapy.
@jg1 my friend’s daughter got a dental assistant degree, four year not a two year program, then decided she doesn’t want to do that – after her parents paid big $$$ for the college. Now she sells leggings and t shirts via a home party thing. She could have done that sans degree! She married well and doesn’t need to work, but I do feel for her parents who could have that $$$ for retirement, instead.
There was a peer of mine who was Mormon, she attended an ivy league school and earned her Ph.D in particle physics. She never pursued a career after that, but now is a SAHM.
And unfortunately a lot of men enable this sort of behavior. Get frivorced, and then take her back when Chad Thundercock is done with her.
@ash ironic that feminism has led to women becoming more whiny and victim based now than decades ago, isn’t it? In a similar way it seems many “rights” movements do the same, reinforce the victim mentality vs actually lead to empowerment. Strange. Maybe those leading the movement are the ones who can’t let their supporters grow to the point of not needing their “help?” So they keep reinforcing the “you are a victim” thing in ever escalating ways? Odd that people don’t see that.
But when the pink hat marches were happening, so many FB friends questioned why I didn’t take my daughters? When I pointed out that I felt women today have more rights than ever and I don’t see it being a negative to be female you would have thought I said the sky wasn’t blue! “But we have to fight to keep those rights, those rights are in peril,” was the reply. Some of these gals literally thought wasTrump was going to outlaw birth control! The Handmaid’s tale come to life!!! When on earth did he ever say that? I swear some people live in an alternate universe. Maybe it’s the fluoride? 😉
“Maybe it’s the fluoride?”
RPG, trust me, hydrofluorosilicic acid is not the reason feminists are bat-shit crazy
jg1,
Not sure why you are bringing up the Mormon Church, but the people in the Mormon church are just like people not in the Mormon church. They have the same weaknesses, desires, characteristics and challenges.
@ LarryG I guess I wish it were that simple! Lol.
@GoFigure, I can’t speak for Jg1 but I read that as one would expect a gal from the Mormon church to be more traditional? Bc of the reputation that this group is more trad minded? And if that is changing, it’s another level of infiltration…
But yes, agreed, people are people, they are going to be tempted by the ways of the world. Unless one lives in isolation of pop culture, like the Amish, I don’t see how they could not be.
Mormon church is the most unlikely place for this type of feminism. I lived out west for awhile where every Mormon I met try to convert me.
As an aside, why is SLC one of largest gay friendly cities in the US where the Mormon church has a lock on the state? Am I missing something here too??
Listen, I don’t want to have a discussion about the Mormon church, but if you go back and study what Mormon leaders have been saying; they have been telling their woman to get an education before it became a Feminist talking point.
There are many practical reasons why a woman should have an education.
More to the point the number of practicing Mormons is such a small number of people as to be statistically insignificant. Why bother talking about them.
And another point, my punctuation in the last two post is really poor. I get a ‘D’ on my English assignment today.
They are the model for conservatism and large wholesome families and they have worldwide reach.
Rather talk about my favorite religion, the Druids
“Maybe the “don’t be feminine” is valid, but femininity is so rewarded in real life, it’s hard to believe someone smart didn’t also realize this.”
Obviously, she wasn’t as smart as she was leading on. What sane women even for a moment questions “don’t be feminine’ as valid? None.
“They are the model for conservatism and large wholesome families and they have worldwide reach.
That model is dead. It only exists for a small number of people who are willing to go against the grain of everything.
“Now feminism is whiny with all this victimization and begging.”
Nope, it was always that way. It’s just more in everybody’s face now because of social media.
Overwhelming belief of self importance, and lack of consideration for others, is what is behind all of this rabid feminism and male hating.
Here is a disgusting example of “entitlement behavior” gone amok. There is absolutely nothing this guy could have done, to warrant her reaction. But yet she must have thought it was appropriate for her to do (no pun intended)
A woman can be intelligent in things like math or language skills but still be incredibly fucking stupid in everything else and especially when it comes to being attractive to the opposite sex. So any women spouting off their typical bullshit of muh education and muh career have their priorities grossly out of order.
mmm… link didn’t seem to take. try here:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/05/17/woman-defecates-throws-poop-tim-hortons-employee-during-altercation-canada-survellience-footage/618333002/
Hey now, some of my best friends are Dru-ish…
Leaving Mormonism out of it, there’s a difference between getting an education and throwing $100,000 out the window, or having that much debt (un-dischargeable ((sp?))) on your back.
I’ve been known to run around with the wolves on a moonlit night; so I guess I’m part Dru-ish as well.
Lastly, you can’t spell hydrofluorosilicic acid-related psychosis without hydrofluorosilicic acid. 🙂
FML,
That was foul. There are a few things that contributed to that. First, a hand to mouth employee has inferior status to a customer even though he was enforcing company policy. If he made a respectable wage, he would be treated better. Second, women aren’t prosecuted with the same vigor as men. She is probably going to get a token fine. Finally, she was denied restroom access on the basis of past behavior.
I think courts are going to have to come down as hard on women as they do on men to stop this stuff. It is getting worse.
Stephanie,
Thanks for the taco. Molly used to do over at Spawny’s. She is too busy now. I think she is pregnant with her second.
@ GLA the same could be said for any guy who doesn’t question, “don’t be masculine.” It’s the blue pill both have been fed — that guys should act like girls and girls should act like boys. Except it’s backwards, so how could tat work? But lots of people bought it…
@GoFigure, it’s not so much that women shouldn’t be educated, I think educated women can then educate their kids so it is good. I think it’s when education and career become the be all end all, false idol dare we say, that it becomes an issue.
@ Fuzzie, I don’t even want to watch the video, what is the matter with people — animals behave better sometimes (many times!)
Oh come now…” it’s not so much that women shouldn’t be educated, I think educated women can then educate their kids so it is good.” The only education any woman absolutely must have consists or only two topics:
1. Mustard and mayo always goes on the INSIDE of the sammich
2. On top is an acceptable position for the days ending in “Y”
RPG,
She has to be off her nut. You’re right. A dog would look up and whimper to be let out and cats would use the litter box. I think that the justice system has been too tolerant and this is what we end up with.
That commercial ruined a great song
Not my favorite but they are legends of the blues scene
Am I missing something here too??
……
Mormons are almost always cucksersvtives these days. I think because they place to weight on being nice. Their church is way into open boarders and all sorts of leftist stuff
@fuzzy. It wouldnt matter how much he is paid. Her behavior would have been the same towards him.
FML,
I have seen it first hand. It is awful how badly the public treats hand to mouth workers. It is ironic that they can’t be paid enough.
‘It is those darn hormones at play again.’
Men have hormones too…we can’t blame our actions on them.
You have free will to choose your actions.
Earl, easier said than done. Trust me in that men have been blessed with balanced hormones. No person likes to have roller coaster emotions. But women deal with the highs and lows of fluctuating hormones. Unless we choose to be medicated, we have to deal with it naturally. It can be very difficult.
They deal with it…that doesn’t mean they let them control their actions.
@ earl it’s difficult to describe but we women can be in the midst of a hormone swing and not even realize it ourself until after the fact. I have learned to recognize it better w age but it’s not something I can “control.” Best I can do is try not to overreact. When everything annoys me, or I feel like I am on my last nerve, it’s usually hormones. I WISH I could control it!
I second what Love & Bloom are saying about the emotions and fluctuating hormones….
Some things that can help is keeping a journal and tracking your “emotional checkup” each week. Looking back and seeing how the PMS weeks read can be eye-opening and be a good mental reminder that you’re tracking your behavior and holding yourself accountable.
Also, marking on your calendar when that time is coming (by tracking when it has come) is good, too, even for the man in your life to be like “Ok… she’ll be more vulnerable during this time frame.”
And when you’re on those weeks, take hot baths, do a self-pedicure or retouch your hair. Go do some extra exercise to really help get endorphins going. Get outside in nature more that week, and drink teas like hibiscus or green tea. AND take some iron supplements if you feel low energy because that REALLY does help with the blood loss if you’re always slightly anemic anyway.
Also, make sure you go to bed around 10pm that week and try to wake up early to do some Bible reading or just simple meditation or yoga if you’re not Christian.
Basically… just take extra care of yourself and your body and it should help immensely.
@stephanie yes excellent advice! Good self care and centering during that time could prevent much mayhem! Owning it and keeping it from becoming everyone’s issue is also good. But impossible wo awareness of where one is in the cycle.
I think also flying ones mate into the cycle is a good stop gap. So they can be like, “oooooh, I get why she’s spinning…” Rollo at rational make absolutely recommends it.
Luckily I never had the severe form of PMS but I know women who have and for them a doctor’s (MD or naturopath or whatever) assistance may be a good idea.
I am sure it is hard for guys to understand. It is part of being with or being a woman. But it doesn’t have to be off the chain destructive. And for a woman who wants to succeed in love and life, she should make sure she owns it and that it isn’t.
My oldest is thank Goodness much more rational than I ever was. My youngest however… more like her momma!
Feminism has done a lot for women, but in the desire to make women independent they have also isolated them. Marriage is a partnership – not two islands connected by a ferry that only meets once a day.
What role does a man have in a marriage when a woman “has it all?” No man or woman has it all in a partnership. They share responsibilities. Sometimes those responsibilities are gendered.
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