Even though I work from home, I still face many challenges other working moms do, and some unique to work from home moms.
For example, my youngest is home sick today, and was yesterday as well. And that’s the struggle of being a working mom — it doesn’t matter that I am under the gun with a big deadline this week, and had an important meeting I had to cancel, and have a long to-do list of mission critical stuff otherwise. It all screeches to a halt, or a slow crawl at best.
I am not sure how moms who work in an office do it — I can’t imagine I would be able to hold down a traditional job and take off as many days a year as kids get sick. I wonder how many working moms are forced to make this choice — send your kids to school sick or send them to daycare sick. Neither is ideal, both for the sick child of course, and because this only spreads the illness around to other kids.
If I worked at a traditional job and had to take the day off, I’d go without pay but at the same time I would not be trying to do what I have been for the past two days… try to work in bits and spurts anyway. When you work from home and run your own business, there really is no “on the clock and off the clock.” Or one has to be really strict with themselves, because it’s just too easy for those lines to blur.
Not that I am not thankful I can make a living from home. At least I am not working 9 to 5 and then commuting on top of that three hours a day. I know many working moms face that situation, and I can only imagine what that schedule must be like. Grueling.
I suppose what I am feeling and am trying to say is being a working woman and being a working mom are two different worlds. And the worlds “working” and “mom” don’t always fit together so well. In fact, I often feel like I am doing a half a$$ job at both.
I know being a SAHM has its challenges too, everything does (and I am not implying being a SAHM is not a job in itself, clearly it is!) But part of me wishes when my kids had a sick day, I could just spend it nurturing them without feeling anxiety about all the things I need to get done for work that I can’t, yet also feeling guilty for not being able to simply be in the moment with a sick kiddo either. To add to it, I am now sick myself.
It’s times like this I really resent who ever sold society on this working mom bit and that because of that I was raised to think I somehow could do it all, and all at once, and not skip a beat, and if I couldn’t I was some kind of a failure. I’d really like to slap that someone (or multiple somebody) right now! Instead I write about it, push back on the crazy or at least call it out, because somebody has to, right?
Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. It helps to get it off my chest. (Not that I really had time to write it but better than just stuffing the emotions, or blowing up, hopefully my taking the time to write this not only helped me feel better, but will help someone else, too.) This too shall pass. Back to double duty, and really I am just going to do my best and try to feel while maybe not perfect, it is enough, and try to have a cheerful heart despite the current situation. As I often remind myself when I get in a funk, things really could be a whole lot worse (My child could have a serious illness instead of a minor one, I could have no work or income and we could be losing our home, etc.) and for that I am thankful they are not!
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
it’s just all hard, Bloom, when our kids are sick. so when the stupid (the lie that women can do it all) is piled on top of that, it just pushes us over the edge.
my aspie girl always had too many days out sick, and that always had to go to some public school committee … and in middle school they ended up giving her detentions to get ‘seat time’ so they could get the gov’t funding.
it didn’t matter that she had all these diagnoses – some of which their personnel diagnosed. it didn’t matter how many doctor’s notes we had. they still needed/wanted the money for having a butt the seat in the classroom from the gubmnt, so she had to get it somehow. ugh.
homeschooling has taken care of a lot of that but added other stuff, too.
and sick kids … that alone is hard on Mama, especially when they share it with us 🙂 … my aspie girl is seeing two specialists right now – it’s always something. within a year, with what we know now, i’ll need to get a job, and i’m terrified – for lots of reasons, but mostly b/c idk how i’ll divide my mind like that knowing she still needs me a lot. crazy world out there.
one day at a time. a year from now, this will be just a memory, but she will remember Mama being there for her when she’s sick the rest of her life. my mom didn’t even have a job outside the home and still didn’t take care of me when i was sick … told me when i was sick it was all in my head … made me take care of my younger siblings when i was just a little kid so she could go do her thing even when they were sick and she knew it freaked me out. that’s what i remember. your daughter will remember Mom loved her enough to take care of her even when it cost her something. and that, really, is priceless.
you’re doing good, Mama, you really are. breathe. you can’t do anything about what you can’t do. you can only do what you can. give the rest to God, and let Him worry about it for you. cuddle with your baby and get both of you well.
Working for yourself, the most common sort of working from home, is always tough. Kids, with no other parent involved, must make it vastly harder. Sometimes people ask me about hobbies and the like and just look at me blankly when I tell them that those sorts of distractions (though I do have a few that I indulge in sporadically) really aren’t a think when you can be making a living (a living that could dry up in an instant) 24 hours a day. It’s more of an issue when there’s other family members (not kids), and employees, counting on you to support them or provide them with work.
I like working for myself but I work a LOT harder than even the over stressed corporate types who’s job it is to deal with my output. It is wonderful to be able to create my own schedule, so I can work hard anytime of the day or night and take my occasional time off when I want rather than when someone lets me. Every once in awhile some will say: “But you have no boss!” as if that’s a good thing. When you create products that can take years to hit the market and you have no idea if anyone will want them when they do, sharing the responsibility with a “boss” would quite often be a significant relief!
It’s a great life but it’s not all the upside that others imagine.
Get well, feel better and take care of those kids. I’d love to be working for the benefit of a younger generation rather than an older one!
I think you just made a good case for a single breadwinner household with both parents. There do seem to be a lot of holes in the feminist ideal.
Well here’s your song, bloom;
Hope the little one feels well soon.
@ Ame thanks for the encouraging words! 🙂
@ Alan, so true! Sometimes it feels like a house of cards but so far I have managed to pull it off. You describe the challenges well… working for yourself is both good and bad, like anything! But to do what one loves is a blessing for sure!
It must be tough to be a working mom. Someone very close to me recently quit her full time job to be a stay at home mom. Now they are going into debt due to her loss of income. Her husband’s income alone isn’t enough. It makes me wonder who can actually maintain a single income family anymore.
@ Ash, indeed it is tough, kind of a dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t thing. The couples I know doing it on one income really have to downsize their lifestyles in order to make it pencil, sometimes even moving, getting rid of cars, getting older cars, eliminating debt, going without what a lot of others don’t, etc. In my case, for now working is not an option. So I make the best of it… I am glad I can work from home and work for myself. The unpredictability can be tough, but then so is being gone long hours and paying all that daycare. It’s a tightrope walk, for sure!
If The Ton was King of the Confederate States of America, school funding would be tied to the child and paid to the parent if they choose homeschooling. Long as the kind can read, write and shoot yankees at 300 yards that is
If The Ton was King of the Confederate States of America, school funding would be tied to the child and paid to the parent if they choose homeschooling. Long as the kind can read, write ride fast and shoot yankees at 300 yards that is
@ Ton, love the idea! I could use the $6000+ a year the state gets now! It wouldn’t pay the bills, but it would help for sure.
Yeah I am the boss so I don’t have a boss. I have 80’ish familes to worry about, contracts to worry about, a building to tend to etc etc
You don’t live in the South so it wouldn’t much help you
So there would be some kid of ammo allowance, Ton?
Lol I may live in the North now, but I was likely as South as you but to the west for many a year! We can’t all live in the South, ya know. 😉
North Carolina spends $8300 per student. That would go to the home schooling parents. They can spend it as they wish as long as the child meets all minimal acceptable standards
South West ain’t the South either, once you pass Texas
“It makes me wonder who can actually maintain a single income family anymore.”
We’re doing it. Been doing so since 1994. It was actually an increase in our household income when I quit working outside the house.
We also managed to add 7 additional children to our already 2 children. I did all the late night feedings (after my wife finished breast feeding), diaper changing, puke cleaning, educating, scheduling, car fixing, bench building, house painting, lawn mowing, most of the cooking, and all my wife had to worry about was managing the house funds, seeing to the bills and going to work without fretting if the children were ok.
It’s worked out well. There have been a few bumps along the way but we weathered them fairly well.
When I think about it, I wonder why did women want to give up staying at home while their husbands worked. I much prefer this than working the corporate grinder like I used to when we first married. Then again I’m an introvert and I don’t need or want outside stimulus from those around me.
Sitting at home alone watching my children develop their personalities and spending nights with my wife is my idea of great day.
Kentucky throws away 10,200 per student each year. Would love to have that money every year just for education expenses.
There are 4766 more non-teaching staff (46,912) than teachers (42,146) in KY public school systems. So that’s stupid. Public schools are just job programs for Democrats.
https://education.ky.gov/comm/edfacts/Pages/default.aspx
LOL! Ton – my daughter’s would LOVE that! lol!
They can repay me in peach cobbler
Just don’t fuck up the peach to cobbler ratio
http://wreg.com/2018/05/15/accused-peach-cobbler-shooter-claims-self-defense/
oh.gawash!
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my girls would be glad to make it as many times as needed till it’s just the way you like it ~ we love peach cobbler here, too 🙂
it’s a good thing you’ll let them learn to read so they can read a recipe! 😉 🙂
I did say reading cook books is acceptable
Then and the King James, 1611 version
@ Ton, true I would not call where I grew up the South either.
Wow other sates spend way more than mine apparently! And still it’s almost 80% of my state budget, k-12 schools.
@ Roman Lance, sounds like a great arrangement! Your kids are lucky 🙂
Ton,
You really shouldn’t mock the memory of the Confederacy. You might offend someone who had family who fought and died for it.
Like peach cobbler I do
OT – note to Stephanie re The Enjoli Girl thread:
I saw your comment(s) to me shortly after I read the referenced link and after I had bookmarked it for daughter. So, your instinct was correct. I just beat you to it. But thanks for the heads up anyway, in case I hadn’t read the link.
We’ve been out of state for graduation activites for a while and I have work to get caught up on. At some point I will put together a coherent response, but for now:
– personalities are real and are persistent. And different. It is not realistic nor is it reasonable to expect everybody to be the same and have the same goals.
– DNA is real and is persistent. Women cannot be girly girls or butch just because they choose to be. Where one lies naturally on that spectrum is driven more by DNA than personal choice. Many problems in life can be avoided by understanding where one’s true nature lies on that spectrum. Sad Girl seems to understand this, and recognize that it creates problems for her.
– Every door opened and walked through leaves multiple other doors unexplored. That truth persists, no matter which door(s) you walk through. Learning to not regret choices not made / paths not taken is what learning to be comfortable in your own skin is all about. We cannot do everything. A cliche of unknown source: the secret to success in any endeavor is knowing what to leave undone. What folks want to leave undone differs from person to person.
– A balanced life, springing from the awareness that we cannot have it all and we cannot do it all, is the best we can hope for. A balanced life includes understanding that we all are going to have longings that cannot ever be totally satisfied – maybe not even partically satisfied. Because, to choose one door more ofen than not means that other doors must remain closed. Particularly if one’s allegience is to God’s claim on their life rather than to something else.
– Daughter has been taught all of the things that Sad Girl says she wasn’t taught. However, it is a mistake to think that out of, say, 100 girls taught those things, all will make exactly the same choices going forward. They won’t, because of differences in DNA and hormones and because of all kinds of other reasons.
A big thanks to Bloom and all the other ladies who share their thinking here and at Spawnys. It is good to keep the conversation going.
‘partially – not partically – satisfied.
Peach cobbler is good stuff. Even better warm with vanilla ice cream (IMHO.) Serve it on Degobah they do?
Almost strawberry season where I live, then raspberry, then blackberry… a ways off from peach season it still is.
A woman (not a blood relation) brought peach empanadas she’d made to a family reunion a couple years back. I wanted to go home with her.
Berries???
Fuzzie – never visit Texas. they don’t care if they hurt your feelings b/c they’d rather you just leave if you don’t like it that they KNOW Texas is THE best place to live … and they’ll say it with their shot gun ready and dog at their feet and all their friends sitting behind them with their own shot guns 😉
well, okay, not to that extreme … well, not everywhere in Texas. but that’s the sentiment 🙂
we might be baking in the heat … or drowning in the humidity down south … but we’ll still tell ya we live in THE Great State of Texas and you are welcome to stay and play nice or leave at anytime 😉
you’d probably do okay if you stuck to the cities, though. San Antonio is a great place to visit, but wait till winter cause it’s hot hot hot in the summer – unless you’re Stephanie and used to the San Antonio summer heat 😉 . i’m not a big fan of Houston simply because i’m allergic to every.freakin.thing in Houston, and no matter how many drugs i take, i still can’t breathe down there – especially around the oil refineries.
Ame,
I have been to Texas and seem to get along fine.
Shelby Foote was asked how he felt about the Confederate flag. He was of two minds. There were those who respected its history and the sacrifice of supporting it. Then, there were the yayhoos.
ok let’s live in the here and now, bad enough Democrats and Republicans are at each other’s throats, except when they are trying to dismantle the whole stinking thing just to take out the head. Nutty!
I do love the heat lol! It’s so hot you can cook food on the sidewalk 😀
We’re not that far from a country city called Fredricksburg, where they specialize in peaches and wine. ❤
It is like heaven! And the views driving around are just SO beautiful!
My mom used to make homemade peach cobbler with their peaches… the memories!!!!!!
i’ve been to Fredricksburg … twas many, many years ago, but that’s beautiful country round there 🙂
my daughter will be going to camp this summer in hill country – she’s going to LOVE it 🙂
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gotta love the news stations who actually fry food on the sidewalk in the summer to prove how hot it is! lol!
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i remember driving thru Georgia when i was a kid and buying bags of Georgia peaches along side the road and eating them straight from the bag … ohhh, yummm 🙂
much of Texas is really friendly. i’ve been to parts where i just keep my mouth shut and smile 😉 . those who know accents well know i didn’t grow ’round here.
there was a time when i was married to my first husband when some people were really concerned for our safety. my bff from college – who met her husband in our wedding b/c her husband’s family and my first husband’s family go waaay back – called me and said, “I’m sending my Daddy over!” i was like, “NOOOOO!!!!!” her daddy is one who would take care of things and the body’d never be found. eeek! NOT how things were going to happen.
get to know some of those people from small towns … and there are stories. well, there are stories everywhere i imagine. the man i’m married to now was adopted to older parents. when his adopted dad died, some people came up and told my husband stories of his dad he’d never heard before. makes one wonder how many stories are buried with the people who created them. anyway, i’m kinda glad i never met the man as he died many years before i met my husband. some of the stories make me glad they’re not biologically related. idk if it’d make any difference, but in my female brain, it brings some comfort.
Stephanie – it’s the high night temps that make it so hard, i think … when the ‘low’ is 85, and the high is in the high 90’s or low 100’s, then it’s just .. h.o.t. … BUT … the pool water is so warm that going skinny dippin in the middle of the night is fun 😉
Fuzzie, like most things you know not what you speak of
And life returns to normal! Whew.
yay! i was wonderin! it’s always nice when it’s something that goes away quickly 🙂
I don’t know what’s up but I have been crushing the peach cobbler lately.
Lol is that a euphemism? “peach” cobbler?
Nope. I have been eating peach cobbler at every road side farmer stand I cross paths with
Lol ok, maybe my mind was in the gutter! Peaches are already in season there??? They are months away here..,
LOL I ain’t that clever or worried about decorum using euphemisms
Clearly a Freaudian slip… but believe what you like!
It’s so hard to be a working mom, and the primary reason why the lives of single moms can be stark. A single illness could set the family back for months.
But I think the biggest issue is that families are so distant from each other and people know so little of their neighbors that working mothers have absolutely no support. In the past mothers could reach out to family members or neighbors for help when they needed. However, many working mothers AND stay-at-home mothers have no one to ask for help when they need it.
I feel you! I watched my mom do it all (once we were older) and assumed I could tackle it like every other task thrown my way! But once my son was born with some health struggles, I realized it wasn’t feasible. I quit a job I loved and took another with more flexible and people I love (but I can’t say I have the same passion for the work). It’s tough! But I know once he gets a little older I’ll have more time on my hands and I’m hesitant to back out of the workforce entirely and take several steps backward in my career (which means less pay/fewer opportunities for my son). It’s such a tough balancing act! I definitely don’t have it all figured out yet. It’s always reassuring to me to hear that moms with other work situations (work from home, SAHM) experience some of the same challenges. There’s no “right answer!”