The tale of yet another relationship hitting the dust reminded me — attitude is everything.
Like many women today, this woman, who in this case had the opportunity to literally marry a millionaire, blew it all up with her attitude.
They met several years back. He was unhappily married, but was staying the course rather than divorcing. They kept in touch as friends, the attraction obviously mutual. She swore for years he was the one, her soul mate. And patiently she waited while working as a waitress, living month to month.
About two years ago his wife became ill, and then passed away. After grieving the loss he reached out to the gal, and they started a romantic relationship. It escalated rather quickly into them moving in together. He was overjoyed, ready to experience all the good and joy life had to offer. But rather than share his enthusiasm, she started picking everything apart.
She seemed to quickly forget how she had struggled before, how hard things were, what it was like to live hand to mouth, how much she worried about her future without a retirement plan of any kind. How she swore he was her soul mate, and hoped someday they could be together.
When I would talk to her after they moved in together, and she would complain about the loss of freedom, the lack of time to herself, all the “things” she had given up, I knew it was not going to work. And the thing was, he wasn’t asking her to give anything up, she was the one creating this odd self-sacrificing, self-limiting situation. Rather than see she was herself creating the lack, she stubbornly blamed it all on him.
Rather than appreciate the good, she focused on the bad. I never heard her voice gratitude for her sudden increase in her standard of living. Here she was living in a beautiful luxury home right on the river, seemingly not a care in the world, with a man who wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of their lives together, and to be happy. Instead from her it was complain, complain, complain. And not just in private, she would do it right in front of him!
Today I heard the news I knew back then was coming — he finally had enough. She’s now once again living in a rented apartment, with little in the bank, and no plan for the future. Now mind you, this woman is past retirement age! I am just not sure what on earth she is thinking!
Instead of a life of leisure, travel, fun times, and no worry she choose — willful independence. Except she’s not able to be independent, truly. And the chance to build that is also quickly coming to a close.
Perhaps that reality has not sunk in yet. I wonder if in time she will regret her behavior? For now, she insists she’s happier on her own. I can’t tell if it’s the single independent woman brainwashing talking, denial, or actually the case. No matter, the ship has sailed. I guess independence is going to have to work. It’s the only offer on the table.
I do know one thing, I for one will not be very interested in hearing her tales of woe once all this sinks in. And perhaps that’s really the problem — wanting whatever it is one doesn’t have, until they do, and then they want something else? Seems like a really poor life strategy. But unfortunately it’s one I see all too often.
Seeing the glass or half full or half empty actually is a choice, even if one doesn’t recognize it. Attitude can determine success or failure — which one are you choosing?
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I think you see why many men aren’t so high on the ‘soulmate’ concept as women are.
She won’t regret her behavior, because she can’t see any of it being her fault.
just like with someone i know, who can never take blame for anything. it is always someone else’s fault. even when there is no someone else.
@RPG, let me give you something to ponder.
the glass is never half-full.
it is always full. not all of it is the same thing, though.
just like life…
True, fml I think with this woman you are indeed right — it will even be HIS fault when she is alone and has no money or security and nobody to care for her. No personal responsibility or self awareness! Perpetual victim, it must be working for her on some level?
‘Perpetual victim, it must be working for her on some level?’
She hits the ’emotional jackpot’?
I am quite frustrated with this women, to be honest. I just don’t get it.
To make matters worse her “friends” only reinforced this nonsense. Encouraging her to be true to her feelz and so on. The blind leading the blind!
I do think this is also a good example of how the rebellious nature run wild can lead to very poor and self-defeating outcomes.
Just like with someone i know, who can never take blame for anything. it is always someone else’s fault. even when there is no someone else.
It must take much skill to do that. It is quite a good trick
I do think this is also a good example of how the rebellious nature run wild can lead to very poor and self-defeating outcomes.
Or perhaps it could be characterized as garden variety entitlement
@ Farm Boy true, in fact she seemed surprised that he wasn’t willing to fund her lifestyle and such after she moved out. Hello???!!!??? But yeah, it didn’t seem to occur to her that other people have options, too.
‘in fact she seemed surprised that he wasn’t willing to fund her lifestyle and such after she moved out.’
Good thing they didn’t marry or the state would have forced him to.
@ Earl, luckily for him she’s not forward thinking enough to see she would have been far better off to get him to put a ring on it THEN leave. I suppose it’s a good thing that she did not conceal her attitude!
And yet women still wonder why men are hesitant to even get involved with them, let alone commit.
Well, she doesn’t see to much of a team player either.
@ Farm Boy, No, no she does not. I didn’t once ever hear he say a word about what HE might want, need, hope, dream, feel… Says a lot right there, doesn’t it?
sigh. we always get to choose our perspective.
i got off the phone earlier with my Husband at work where we determined i need to run a couple errands before some places close for the day … so i said, “Well, I’ll be a good girl and go get this done.” then i thought a moment and said, “Ummm … do you want me to be a good girl or a bad girl?!” lol! he laughed and said, “Both!” 🙂 🙂 🙂
i could whine that i have to get out of the house, again, and take care of this … or i can see that i’m thankful i’m available to do so – and then have fun with it.
thing is … if i really couldn’t get out today for some reason, it would be no big deal to him. but i can, so i will.
Indeed Ame, so much of life is the mindset we approach it with.
when i start getting a bit down on my Husband, i force myself to start thinking of all the good things about him, and in moments my heart cheers back up. it’s a good discipline 🙂
btw – since it’s been such a hot topic … this was a form of a sh!t test, and, of course, he passed 🙂
it was fun, it was teasing, it was flirting, it was playful … and i want to hear him say he still likes me naughty but that he thinks i’m a good girl, too.
it wasn’t premeditated. i didn’t sit around and wonder how i could test him today to find out what he’s thinking today. i didn’t think about it at all. we play like this a lot. but if he ever answered differently, it’d be disconcerting.
There is the Door!
You don’t like it here then leave!
I am fine living alone.
Period.
But once you set even a toe outside the door you cease to exist.
Not my circus, not my monkey!
Another example of how beta bucks doesnt make women happy. Nothing really makes women happy but red back porch and a jizz box full of alpha baby batter settles them down for a little while.
Then all the bullshit rattling around their squriel cage gets the hamster spun up again so 12-36 hours later you got to bust out the pimp hand and Jack hammer their joy canal so the hamster cane rest a few hours. Rinse repeat, rinse repeat
I can even if I’m drunk and squint reeeeeeaaaally hard I can almost tolerate monkey branching to a sure thing.
But “finding yourself”, ” seeing whats out there”, and “maybe I can do better” are like the line in Kiplings IF
“If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss….”
Hey you might do better, or you might not….
And if you don’t, as Kipling says
Shut the Fuck Up About It!!
(Oh wait, he was talking about raising sons…..my bad.)
Anyone, man or woman or martian who does this…..
Who cares!!!
Regret, don’t regret, deflect, whine…..
Alone in your room in the dark of night
No One Gives A Shit About You!
(At that age there is likely little family, now no spouse, kids maybe….)
You Are Alone!
She has two sons but neither (nor their wives who she is horrid to) want her to move in with them. Even a short visit ends in disaster. Building bridges is apparently not her strong suit…
Brilliant piece from the former legendary Ian Ironwood.
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2013/03/youre-just-going-through-stage.html
“And then someday, sometime, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night, the terrors of your subconscious breathing down your neck, your whole body covered in sweat as you wrestle with some primal fear from the depths of your brain. You’ll sit bolt upright in the darkness, your eyes wide, your body wracked with chills, panting with imagined exertion and very real fear, your mind reduced to the whimpering incoherence of a terrified child.
And then you’ll instinctively reach across the bed for the warmth and comfort you once had, that you promised you’d keep forever,
and the bed will be cold and empty.
You’ll realize that you have no one to talk to about your nightmare.
Then you’ll realize that no one would really care about it, anyway.
Such things are inherently intimate, not for “girls’ night” or even the whispered confessions between “besties”. Only a sister, or a parent, or a husband is capable of soothing fears on that level. Someone has to reassure you that Everything Is Going To Be All Right . . . otherwise you’ll know everything isn’t going to be all right.
Then you’ll think of your ex-husband’s second wife, clinging to the comfort and the strength of the arms that you accused of making you “not feel appreciated”, and there will be a bitter pang in your stomach and a fierce, savage psychic wail of despair as you – at last – realize what a tragic mistake you’ve made.”
Them (male or female) “I am divorced”
Me “Show me the police report and sentencing for assualt, fraud, embezzelment, etc. or the affidavid that they abandoned you suddenly.’
Them “What? There isn’t any!”
Me “Then you destroyed your life, broke up your family, and broke your oath on purpose. Nope don’t wanna hear it! I don’t associate with oath breakers, no exceptions. Bu bye!”
‘She has two sons ‘
Is this woman a single mother or the instigator of running her son’s father out of their lives (aka the divorcer)?
She married her senior year of high school because she was pregnant. The marriage lasted 8 years. I am not sure who ended it. The boys had little to no contact with their father as they grew up. He did not pay child support. She never asked for child support. I am not sure again why this was, her choice or his or the times (no real visitation or child support laws established then.) Both at some point have moved near or lived with him as young adults. They are closer to their father than mother, by far.
The kids probably have a good idea who blew it up.
In either case this little bit of information is probably the foundation of why she is what she is.
OMG
I could not make this up if I tried. On topic!
LOL! Ton, you have certainly expanded my vocabulary since I’ve been wandering around out here 😄
amazing how the left is complaining about families being “torn apart” because they broke the law, but are still pushing feminism which actually destroys families.
hypocrites.
The left doesn’t really care about the children at the border. They are just being cynically used as a means to an end
Horseman,
Kipling is a dead white man. You are not supposed to listen to him.
How about this? Nobody listens to Kipling if nobody else listens to the dead white man, Marx.
of course they don’t care. all they care about is obstructing everything, because the left can’t fix anything.
The left is about destruction. If illegal immigrant families destroy the nation, suddenly they care about families.
That’s why if you know their motives they really aren’t hypocrites. They are about destruction, not creation.
https://debates.economist.com/debate/immigration
Despite the outcry, this poll shows 70% disagree w the idea of open borders. Imagine that?!?
I knew a very dynamic woman back in the day. She had a lot going for her, very intelligent, athletic, great personality (in reasonably sized doses), always a good job at the minor executive level … also very full of herself. Very full of herself. An attractive woman when you considered the whole package but physically far from a 10 or a 9 or an 8. Lots of fun at parties. A good friend of mine and, as a friend and in her profession, I have very high regard for her.
She started dating a man who was a multi multi millionaire. We have all used his products over the last 30 years. He had a hobby that she was actually more proficient at than he; as in she was a long time professional in this area and he simply an amateur rich enough to dabble. Because of this she Sh*t-tested him over his hobby relentlessly. In relatively short order he dumped her.
She wasn’t heartbroken, she’s totally self sufficient, she wasn’t after his money, but, in those days it’s likely she didn’t meet a lot of guys who were up to the mythology she’d build around herself … so, for her, this was a loss. She didn’t sweat it for too long but she did briefly go through that phase of asking friends, including me, why it happened.
I said: “Look, you are a lot of fun. But he’s got enough money to buy the playmate of the month, have his way with her, have one of his security guys kill her and then fix it with the cops, the FBI, and whatever god he prays to. Why in the world would he put up with all the crap you were giving him?”
Sh*t-testing may be to discover if the man is confident, unflappable, and thus, in a very primitive way, a good partner. I believe this is true to a certain extent. But it doesn’t completely pass my Darwinian smell test. There’s more to it, I’m just not quite sure what.
Women who do male oriented things (like this woman’s profession and this guy’s hobby) seem to always want men to be better at those things. If they start to catch up with the guy or if they were always better (like in this case) they often become almost vindictively abusive about it. No woman tortures a man because she is the better baker, but if she gets to the point where she can run as fast or bike as far, watch out.
I’m still pretty convinced that Sh*t-tests are actually attraction tests. Maybe, if a man is willing to deal with a Sh*t-testing woman and is STILL willing and able to have sex with her, then he will probably be able to get her pregnant under a wide variety of conditions. That might satisfy Natural Selection. I don’t know but I do think we are just scratching the surface of these behaviors. We have workable theories that seem to cover many circumstances but I really doubt they are perfected.
Sounds like they weren’t right for each other at all. Not sure why she ever thought he was the one. (I don’t believe in that either)
Then again, some people just don’t know how to chill out and be happy when they have a good thing going. I have a friend like that. All she does want, want, want something else. Marriage, babies, a new home, a new pet. And she tries to go for older guys who have already done that and don’t want to do it again. I keep telling her quit being a wife to a boyfriend.
‘Sh*t-testing may be to discover if the man is confident, unflappable, and thus, in a very primitive way, a good partner. ‘
Then this works better when men do it to each other. The overall strength of the tribe/company/workplace is dependent on the strength of the weakest member. When women do it…it shows a lack of faith and is annoying.
Perhaps instead of her doing this task…her father should do it to a potential suitor.
Past retirement age?
No such thing in America.
There are generally two inevitable outcomes (besides finding another pack mule male, which is relatively unlikely as you’ve noticed):
1. Become a financial ward of Uncle Sugar (or her state of residence, or both);
2. Commit some vile crime and become a ward of The Prison State (federal, state, etc.).
States with even moderately spendy social welfare schemes will go to considerable lengths to avoid people becoming “institutionalised”, which is to say that they wind up in hospices and nursing homes, so they’ll throw cash at people who have made appallingly stupid decisions just so they don’t become an even bigger drain on the budget.
So no, she won’t feel the full crash into the Wall of Financial Consequences, even if she is already feeling the crash of her formerly expected lifestyle. But of course there’s always prison as a lifestyle choice!
What’s more corrosive than the woman who thinks she’s owed everything?
The woman who has nothing to offer on top of that.
Is it a wonder why many American guys are avoiding many American women?
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have one of his security guys kill her and then fix it with the cops, the FBI……
…………
Yeah I applied for that job but didn’t get picked up
Ton: Also the barcode on the back of the neck probably itches like hell … 🙂
@ Post Alley Crackpot –welcome! 😀 Comment often, comment freely!
@ Ton while I have no doubt you would be the right guy for the job, seems like over time the one doing the hiring might consider all you know about their “biz” a liability. Better to be the shady character than to work for one 😀
In addition Ton, I happened to randomly meet a boomer-set couple who advised me the biz to be in is storage facilities. Not sure about where you live, but in my area they are killing it with RV, boat, and household storage on 5 acres — $30k a MONTH!!! They said most people drop their stuff off and are never seen again, they just charge their card month after month. Staffing needs are basically one person during biz hours, cameras and individual key code entry otherwise to keep track of the coming and going. Bonus: Totally on the up and up! You could probably do shady stuff on the side if you just can’t help yourself. 😉
I have thought about the storage game but I am extended to the maxim of my physical abilities these days
Thankfully I am not doing much in the way of sales calls right now because the quality control and facilities management is taking 12-14 hours of my day right now