Tags
abundance, advice, drama, life, problems, red pill, sjw, solutions, strife, struggle, victim mentality
Many people are good at pointing out problems, or “what’s wrong” with this or that. And indeed it is step one.
But have you noticed how few people seem to be able to focus on the solutions rather than simply fixate on the problem?
I see this all over the place, not just in relationships. It seems we are a culture very good at identifying problems — calling them out loud and clear. We are not so good at finding solutions it seems… in fact many seem to NOT want to find solutions, but rather just harp and harp on the same old “problems.”
But trust me, solutions are where the good stuff is. The problems are only an opportunity to grow and thrive, reach another level — and you get there by coming up with solutions to whatever the problem is one faces.
Sometimes others will appreciate the solutions, join in, other times they will not. So long as you find a solution for YOURSELF to whatever it is, that’s what matters. Others will have to find solutions for themselves. Or maybe they will just choose to focus on the problems. Some may not want to solve the problems. In any case, don’t get sucked in!
So next time you find yourself with a problem, rather than getting stuck there push on to brainstorming possible solutions. Soon whatever you face won’t matter as much because you will prove to yourself time and again that whatever the problem, what really matters isn’t that, but coming up with a workable (for you) solution!
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Yes, work on your stuff. For most people, it is the most that they can do.
Be a good role model to others while doing it
The reason is focusing on problems often involves focusing on what others are doing.
Focusing on a solution often involves on what you are doing to either fix your problems or avoid making the same mistakes.
RPG sorry to rock the boat once again but the real issue isn’t focusing on the problem or the solution … the REAL ISSUE is blaming the person who pointed out the problem. The “shoot the messenger” problem.
Take my sis for example. Over the 4th we had a family get together and she’s fat and getting fatter. A drunk. And a smoker. With lots of health problems all related to: SHE’S FAT, LAZY, AN ALCOHOLIC, AND A SMOKER.
So … how do you possibly tell her … that her health problems are of her own making ? So please just shut the fuck up; or do something about it. And believe me, I’ve tried and tried being nice about it. Tried for years, decades. And she’s really passed the weight threshold … into being a pig. God I was shocked over the 4th … she’d gotten to be one of those walmart pigs you see … posts mocking the fatties at WM riding around in motorized carts because she’s too walk to walk herself. Jesus, it was disgusting.
So how about … hey sis, noticed you’ve been gaining some weight … maybe losing 50 lbs or so, some might help with some of your health issues. HOWS THAT GOING TO GO OVER ???
Blame the messenger, that’s how that goes over.
And another thing I’ve learned about women … the HARD way. Is that most women don’t really ever want to fix anything. They want to bitch about it. And want someone to listen to them bitch. So they can blame men. Cause a man is usually the target of her anger.
If you actually offer a SOLUTION to the problem at hand … especially if it requires any effort at all from them … then you are Satan incarnate and instead of not liking the situation they are in … they will hate you, instead.
I think most men learn that lesson.
Don’t offer to fix her shit. Cause its so easy a child could do it. Baby, is your hand hurting again ? See the hammer you’re using to beat on it ? Stop using the hammer to beat your own hand. And, yes sweetie, if you quit bashing your own hand with the hammer … then it will stop hurting. Just do that, stop doing that and the pain will go away.
Don’t do that shit, ever !!! Don’t ever tell her how to fix her own behavior. Don’t tell her that, if you ever want pussy again.
Yes, women are really that fucked up in the head. She will ignore the fact that she has a hammer in her hand, her other hand is bruised and bloody from her beating on it … and she will look you in the eye … DENY EVERYTHING … AND THEN BLAME IT ON YOU.
Just a metaphor, don’t you know. Point stands.
‘So … how do you possibly tell her … that her health problems are of her own making ?’
I think the booze, the smokes, and the poor diet are already telling her. You’d be preaching to the choir so to speak.
I like breathing, having a functional liver, and not having a gut…so I do the things necessary to try and keep it that way.
Bloom “Sometimes others will appreciate the solutions, join in, other times they will not. So long as you find a solution for YOURSELF to whatever it is, that’s what matters. Others will have to find solutions for themselves. Or maybe they will just choose to focus on the problems. Some may not want to solve the problems. In any case, don’t get sucked in!”
Nailed it!
I am getting back up, pushing on. Are you coming?
After that its not my circus not my monkey.
John Locke
“Who are we to tell others what they can or can’t do?
Don’t tell me what I can’t do.”
P.s. Mega, she wants to be fat. Period.
Hardest part is learning to give up on people you love.
One of blooms best.
@mega true, often the messenger gets shot.
That is really sad about your sister but those are also HER problems to solve, not yours. Plus you can’t solve them anyway. She may choose not to solve them. It’s sad to watch people destroy themselves but sometimes they seem hell bent on it 😦
That’s so sad about your sister Mega 😦 It’s hard to tell if depression leads to the bad choices (like drinking too much, being overweight or lazy) or if it’s the CHOICES themselves that lead to the depression 😦 Either way… it makes me so sad when people seem like they’ve given up on life and on themselves.
@horseman quoted John Locke” Who are we to tell others what they can or can’t do? (the television character, not the philosopher)
How, then, shall we live together? Are we our brothers keeper? What do we owe each other?
Helping turn folk’s attention away from defining the problem, after it has been properly defined, to focusing on solutions, is a useful thing to do up to a point. I don’t think this thread is about telling people what they can or cannot do. I think it is more about helping to educate folks about what solutions are availble. Do you know that the Bible says this about that? Do you know that the scientific research says this about that? Do you know that this particular resource is available? Etc.
Finding out whether the person knows what solutions are available is a worthy effort. Encouraging the person to adopt a solution that they can actually implement is a worthy effort. None of that has anything to do with telling someone what to do. It mostly involves asking questions rather than making pronouncements.
And, as stated upthread – after that, only the person can take action to implement a solution, Whether they take that first step is their call, not ours. But we know for certain that folks can’t take that first step if they do not know that the solution / resource is available. So figuring out if they know is a useful activity.
Pointing out a problem without offering a solution is whining.
Always think, how can be this fixed or improved?
My mind always naturally tries to brainstorm any possible solutions to a problem.
That’s part of why I decided to start my blog. Women have problems in their relationships but all they do is complain.
It’s time to quit whining and start conquering these issues.
Indeed Ash! I know women in relationships they have been complaining about for YEARS! Not kidding. Never any solutions…. that’s an awful lot of time to have implemented a solution and got on to happier days that’s instead been spent stuck in the same space. Sad, really. And so unnecessary!
Richard.
I am my brothers friend not keeper. I was only my childrens keeper but they are now grown. Adults have agency. Period.
I am sure Mega has pointed out her weight and health issues. She does noit want to change. Food pleasure is more than the heaslth pain.
But it will be her pain, not Megas.
Do not carry anothers guilt, fear, worry, whatever because they do not. They have agency. Thus my advice, the hardest thing to do is let a loved one’s agency play out, ie. Her getting diabetes etc.
The Locke quote means we should not Tell, i.e. force another to do anything. Asdvise, point out, educate yes. But keep them? Take away their agency.
Where does it stop? Also why worry endlessly about a thing they cannot change.
E.g. Bloom was Dancers adviser and even support, but she was not Dancers keeper. She is not responsible for Dancers trainwreck. Should she have forced her to marry boring dude? Should she have given Dancer a curfew, chaperoned her?
I agree with the sentiment.
The sage shares his knowledge with all upon the earth.
The sage rules over none but himself.
@horseman … not sure how to interpret your comments. I was supporting your point, not arguing against it. I did say … after that, only the person can take action to implement a solution, Whether they take that first step is their call, not ours.
We can’t do anything other than helping them define the problem correctly, and pointing out possible solutions / resources. It is up to them to take that first step. We can’t do it for them.
Don’t tell me what I can’t do. John Locke. Had to look that one up. Know the character from periodic watching of Lost. Didn’t know that was his name, and didn’t know the quote. Could easily have come from the philosopher John Locke – to mean Don’t constrain the perceived domain of my performance by telling me that I can’t do something. I’ll determine whether or not I can do it by actually trying. That’s obviously not the context that horseman was presenting. But that idea is consistent with the theme of this thread.
‘They have agency.’
There seems to be a big disconnect when it comes to this. I’m in the firm…they have agency camp.
The thing about agency…you can choose to do the things that promote life or you can choose to do the things that promote death.
@horseman I gave Dancer a chance and space to rise, her not rising is on her, like you say. I hope she will someday but regardless, not my monkey, not my circus. True!
In the process I also learned that while I mean well, my focus really needs to be on me and mine. Dancer ironically broke me of the “saving others” complex. I can only save myself and while they are minors, my kids. The rest have to save themselves. Just like we all do.
Richard
We are in total agreement.
“Could easily have come from the philosopher John Locke – to mean Don’t constrain the perceived domain of my performance by telling me that I can’t do something. I’ll determine whether or not I can do it by actually trying.”
Precisely what I meant!!
By actually trying. The key words and Blooms OP.
Getting people to actually try what is hard.
And it is because of this that I reluctantly agree with Larry that society is doomed.
Too few today will take any action at all, far fewer to do what is hard.
“@horseman I gave Dancer a chance and space to rise, her not rising is on her, like you say. I hope she will someday but regardless, not my monkey, not my circus. True!
In the process I also learned that while I mean well, my focus really needs to be on me and mine. Dancer ironically broke me of the “saving others” complex. I can only save myself and while they are minors, my kids.”
^^This is so good, Bloom! You can’t help others who don’t want to be helped. To me, that’s still painful, but ultimately I’d much rather live drama-free than have those kinds of people as friends in real life. Letting women go who have proven to make bad choices, has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made because I have less stress and more energy to give to my husband and kids, rather than hearing them complain about their man all the time or trying to constantly give them advice that they don’t want.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/young-blokes-hedge-your-bets/
@horseman said: Too few today will take any action at all, far fewer to do what is hard.
And … this is where this conversation bumps up against politics. Too few will take any action. Prefer to to flow along the path of least resistance. So one who is willing to take action jumps out in front and starts issuing instructions. The crowd complies. The crowd who doesn’t even want to try will embrace the one willing to give them answers and direction. One of the reasons our founding fathers feared democracy and so gave us a republic instead. Lets the ones who give a dam and who will actually try have the final say, or at least a weightier say (electoral college, etc.).
You seem to capture my mind all the time. There is never a moment when I don’t think about you or miss your presence. Your love takes over me all the time. I feel so weak in your love.