Tags
career woman, feminism, freedom, independance, modern life, SAHM, security, stay at home mom, working mom
This is a busy time of year for me and will be for the next few months. As they say, one must make hay while the sun shines.
That said, at this time of year I can also really question the messages I received in early childhood and beyond. That it was all about having a career, being successful, being, “just like a man.”
Perhaps all that is possible minus children, and indeed before I had kids I focused mainly on building my career. But now I find myself in the situation that my busy season coincides with my kids summer break.
I sometimes try to picture what life as, “just a mom” would be like. Sadly it’s so foreign to me, and has never been my world, that I can’t really even picture it. What would I do with all that time? Who would I “be” without my career? I really have no idea.
One of the big reasons I was encouraged to have a career was because it was supposed to provide a woman with freedom. Freedom from dependence, freedom from being left in the lurch, the freedom of being able to support oneself.
What they don’t tell you is it becomes a trap, too. Once you have a career, especially a successful one, people naturally expect you to continue. Having a career often involves significant investment (education, time, energy, etc.) walking away from that career means losing all that investment. And having a career does provide income, income you and others then often don’t feel you can give up once you have it.
Something else they don’t tell you is everything has a price. There’s no magical path of all upside.
My career has created revenue, yes, but has come at significant cost, as well. To both myself and others. It’s simply impossible to have it all. So I have a great career, but it takes away from other spheres (important, critical ones) no matter how hard I try to “balance” it all.
So is it really freedom? Is it really better?
These are the questions I ask myself as I pay others to take my kids swimming or to enjoy some summer fun while I work.
I guess i did it. I really am just like a man, at least in one way. Men rarely get to take summer off, spend the days playing with their kids either.
Yay feminism.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
“It is very generous/kind of the men to accept the situation.” Hopefully it is a decision they made as a team, for sure. Otherwise I could see how this might lead to one really hard feelings.
In a similar way, a friend was telling me about their daughter who went to college for dental assisting. Her parents paid for her college. After four years, and nearly $120k or so, she graduated then decided shortly after she got married that she “didn’t like” the job. So she quit and now sells some multi level marketing stuff. Her husband wasn’t stuck w her student loan debt but I felt for her parents! I am sure they would like that $$$ in their retirement fund! But the parents don’t seem to regret it and the girl married well so perhaps her parents are relieved all’s well that ends well?
“I am sure they would like that $$$ in their retirement fund! But the parents don’t seem to regret it and the girl married well so perhaps her parents are relieved all’s well that ends well?”
I would hardly call that “ending well”, wiping out 120k of her own parent’s retirement money? Hubby needs to get that situation under his control and makes damn sure his in laws are paid back for his wife’s debt. He is the family leader, had best act like one.
“Do I get a degree and work for the rest of my life or do I find the right guy and start a family.” It would be responsible to look at it this way. True.
At one time, the women who went to college did so bc they were UMC and the intent was to get a Mrs. degree. In other words go to college to be in the same circles as men who would have high paying careers and be educated so she could support his career, entertain, etc. The intent was never for her to work (except maybe for a few “fun” years.) These same type of women also began the feminist movement. Except most had a family trust or money plus a husband who was a doc or alawyer or a top exec. So while the concept may have seemed workable with those financial resources, it really doesn’t translate to the “everywoman/man/person” level. And so here we are. Now more women than men go to college, the likelihood of getting a Mrs. degree type situation is much less. Now if anything, especially on the working class level, if a college couple marry both would have college debt and so likely her not working would be not only a salary loss but a double negative bc of the debt to repay. But do young people think about such things? Most likely just think they “should” go to college but do so wo thinking of the long term. Maybe better to think of it as an investment, what job is at the end, what will the cost be, how will doing so impact/effect in other ways?
Modern western SIW anthem?
Agreed Larry, that would be good if they paid the parents back, I was floored when her mom told me the story!
Well, being “old school” like I am, I “inherited” any of my wife’s debt when I put a ring on it. Luckily my bride-to-be didn’t have any but it would have been mine if she had.
It is the obligation of them to pay the parents back, not a “good idea”. Jeez, he needs to get a grip….
“So she quit and now sells some multi level marketing stuff.”
That seems to be another draw to those MLM systems.
Think they appeal to women (let’s face it, it’s 95+ percent women running this business, only saw one man at a MLM “party” and it was Pampered Chef) who don’t want to say they don’t have a job.
“I work! In fat (oops, typo Freudian slip), I own my own business!”
I know some folks who do make a good income with Etsy (one quit her job as a teacher, she made more on Etsy making stickers, another quit his job as a Marketing manager)….in that case, folks come to them, like any other traditional business. Just cuts out some overhead, which is nice. 🙂
I don’t know anyone with that level of college debt (but then, I might know 100 since it’s not something that would typically come up). I’d rather get a two year degree at a community college than show up at my first “professional” day of work with 6 figures of debt. BTW, think I’ve mentioned I have 3 degrees? Never took out a loan for any of them. The state I got my nursing license in paid it in full (nurses were desperately needed), before that (the other two) I got stipends (worked for a salary in the lab and the hospital paid) and a full scholarship.
@Larry true, even if the parents paid for the college vs. it being debt as in a college loan, it still really is a debt and it would be right to repay it. I am sure her parents would be thrilled if it happened! But I don’t think they are expecting it and they don’t seem upset by it. Amazingly.
“BTW, think I’ve mentioned I have 3 degrees? Never took out a loan for any of them.”
Well, I have only one half-assed Associate “degree” in geology which did me zero fucking good whatsoever. But no loans to worry about either, I worked days and took night classes mostly, paid for from my day job. That sucked royally….
Took some intense technical courses later on (no degree) and to my great surprise, found myself employed with a decent salary..
I know a couple with eight kids (I think? something like that…last time I saw her they only had 3, they’ve been busy). He’s a one star now, but I knew them back when he was an Lt. She went to a private college and got a teaching degree (was a full time nanny also and that paid for her lodging and food expenses). He incurred a debt when they married (she stopped working when they married and they had kids right away). They put it into the family budget and paid it off pretty quickly. But I’m sure it wasn’t six figures or anything close. Budgeting requires fiduciary discipline and if you’re the type who takes on a giant debt in a couple of short years for something like that, that’s probably not you.
@ Liz lol so true re the mlm stuff. It’s basically a biz where you guilt your friends into buying overpriced stuff, then guilt them into hosting a party to guilt their friends into buying overpriced stuff. Then build a pyramid several levels deep of that. Then I guess get residual guilt income? None of it seems very stable to me but then I avoid all that stuff like the plague.
Hey Liz!
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the doctor.
“Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s yet another one to come.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there’s yet another one in there!” cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”
If I were an employer now for just about anything Larry, I’d consider lack of degree a big asset.
Mike was on a promotion board a while back (think I can mention that now), they pick folks for promotion and he considered lack of advanced degree (officers all need the BA/BS to start out) as a positive. He even convinced the others on that board (no small feat). Unfortunately, the ladder to promotion has been so polluted for so long that was like a singular black swan event.
LOL Great one, Larry. 😆
part 2 – Expressions
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male…. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
😆 Larry
I’m starting to feel competitive.
But I don’t know many jokes! (well, I’ve probably heard quite a few but I forget them)
Here’s one I heard a couple of days ago (I’ll stop at there):
Q: How do you know when your mistress is gaining weight?
A: She starts to fit in your wife’s clothes.
(bah dum dum)
🙂
LOL!!! Short and sweet!
k, here ya go…
Lottery Winnings
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Redneck said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”
well, I best get back to work…these managers actually expect something of value in return for the fake money they give me…we really need to talk…
Last one for today…
Why men are happier people
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NOT-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux! rental – $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood – all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
David, I absolutely agree that the stress of working a farm in the 19th century or the horrors of industrial age jobs was huge. My thought is the farm wife probably married at 15, grandmother by 30, and great grand mother before 50. She used her most fertile years (before the age of 25).
If the 1910 girl married and had kids, then she had to do it young as well. Who knows if she even survived to 30.
Larry, im happy you had your father in law on your side trying to make amends for his daughters lack of wifely skills.
Mega – these threads are usually up for more than a day. If something triggers you, write your response in a text file of some sort. Wait a day and then read through it. Then, if you want, copy and paste it as is – or change what you want to change. That is a useful buffer against the emotions of the moment.
well, my afternoon was nearly all shot to hell…Our little business unit had to attend “Diversity” and “Sensitivity” training. And no fucking doughnuts either!
Larry … i look forward to seeing how your new and inspired training will be reflected in your comments 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Lessons learned: One cannot call em like you see em, you just may offend a pervert’s and feminazi feelings and that is a big no-no! tsk…tsk
Made a private list of terms I have to be careful using….
Note to HR….
lol! need a dictionary so you can replace that huge vacuum ridding yourself of half your vocabulary is going to cause 😉 tehehe! 🙂
Wow, Ame…the idiot female giving the lecture by Skype said if we saw a “man” dressed up as a female and wanted to take a leak in the ladies bathroom, no one should call the cops. ooookay
Note to self: God given plumbing means doodly-squat now..
it’s so insane it’s incomprehensible. i mean … if you’d told us 20 years ago it would be like this today, we’d have institutionalized you. hummm … perhaps we should have institutionalized some people back 20 years ago and perhaps it would have shut this down before it got this far.
it’s just crazy.
Jeez..Glad I’m WAY past giving much of a rat’s ass about most people’s sniveling and bitching on really stupid stuff. Ah, one prohibited term will certainly get a HR frown is “corn-hole plugger”. Guess that went over like a lead balloon.
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband,
” It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning ? ”
He says, ” O.K. Get in the car with it. ”
” Where shall I put it to get warm ” ?
He says, ” Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there. ”
” But what about the smell ? ”
He says, ” Just hold its little nose “.
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with, died at the scene .
@ Larry re men dressed as women. Tonight I was shopping in a metro area. A hefty set guy was spiffed up as “a big gal.” Ze (?) was getting no notice. Ze was obviously trying to be shocking. ZFG (positive or negative, just nothing) as far as I could tell. I thought how crushing to get no attention male or female :/shucks,maybe Ze should get out of the attention whoring biz? It’s been done. So 2016. Nobody cares anymore. Over it. Maybe that’s a good sign?
Okay, Larry…that one actually did make me laugh out loud
(more like a cackle…very unladylike. Good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee).
😆
Forgot to add: Sorry about the diversity/sensitivity training day.
Abbreviated course version:
-If white men are ignoring minorities or paying attention to minorities, they are privileged or racist.
-If straight white men are ignoring homosexuals/trannies or paying attention to homosexuals/trannies they are either ignorant or haters.
-If white men are ignoring women or paying attention to women they are either sexist or harassers.
Liz, like your concise version of the corporate propagan…er, training
The female supposedly in charge asked if there were any questions afterwards, BIG mistake..I have absolutely no problem pissing people off
HR twats in the company today…
Form letter – You who continually send me pictures of your kids
Dear Proud Parent(s),
I can’t tell you what a surprise and a delight it was to receive the picture(s) of your child(ren). It seems like only yesterday when young [your child(ren)’s name(s)] was/were little more than
[ ] a hasty, sweaty grope in the dark.
[ ] a wrinkled, dripping babe in arms.
[ ] an uncontrollable, havoc-wreaking hellion.
But time flies, n’est-ce-pas? And suddenly before you know it, the little tyke is
[ ] cute as an overfed piglet.
[ ] plug-ugly jail bait in the making.
[ ] exactly the same as in the last three dozen pictures you sent.
Indeed, the family resemblance is remarkable, and in his/her/their face(s) I’m sure I can make out unmistakable indications of
[ ] you.
[ ] your spouse/partner.
[ ] some third party to be publicly named after the DNA results are in.
I can see from the picture(s) that the little bundle(s) of joy is/are going to be every bit as nice as
[ ] your first kid.
[ ] your first two kids.
[ ] the rest of the screaming horde.
As you know I have no children, and am unfamiliar with the joys and trials of parenthood. So I just have to ask — have you
[ ] picked out a name for the little one already?
[ ] managed to raise bail yet?
[ ] ever heard of zero population growth?
Well, I guess I had better go now as some fabulously interesting singles’ activity is probably calling me away, though nothing as exciting, I’m sure, as changing nappies or picking up expensive, broken toys. So in closing let me just say that
[ ] it was great hearing from you. Again.
[ ] it’s time you got a grown-up life.
[ ] I have gone blind from syphilis, so don’t bother sending any more pictures.
[ ] Love & kisses,
[ ] Yo,
[ ] Regrets,