Today I met a woman in her late 50s or maybe early 60s who just started telling me her story, like many people do.
Turns out she’s engaged to be married, to a man who lives overseas. Kenya, to be exact.
He’s in the military she said, and the met via an online dating site.
She seemed like a nice lady, and was with her elderly mother. She has mid length reddish blond hair and seemed like perhaps a retired school teacher, or some such. She dressed very plainly, not much make up, her hair somewhat messy. And she looked tired. Like she had the worries of the world on her shoulders.
She mentioned being married before, when she was 23. She said her ex-husband remarried recently at a popular nearby spot. She saw this on Facebook. She didn’t want a big wedding like that, she said. She wants to keep it simple.
I could somehow feel as she described what started to sound like an extremely complicated situation involving her sending tens of thousands of dollars to the fiancé so he could come that things may not be what they seem. There had been multiple delays, expired documents, more checks sent via money wire for thousands more.
He’ll be here soon, she said. I wondered if I sensed doubt in her voice? Soon… hopefully… she looked off in the distance, the words seemingly just hanging there.
Her mom didn’t know, she said. Nobody in her family did. She didn’t explain further, I didn’t pry. I wanted to ask more. I was afraid to ask.
I really worry for her and hope she is not being scammed. But as is sometimes said around here I had to remember, “Not my monkey, not my circus.”
Will she be another post-wall woman fleeced of all she has in the name of “love?” I hope not. Maybe someday she will pass my way again and I will find out how the story ends.
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Is it early in the book?!
Thankfully the kids have only minor allergies, but the sweetie and her mom react to any pesticides on fruit. I only use lime sulphur oil sprays in the fall instead of the spring. That seems to control most bugs and diseases because they then do not overwinter. They loved the peaches and now the pears, there are many varieties grafted including three Asian types, a favourite for the kids because they are extremely sweet ;-D
The Labrador Deceiver and myself enjoyed the kids for supper while their parents were off to see a concert. They of course wanted Chinese, basically sweet and sour pork and chicken, with chow mein. I insisted there would also be chop suey and beef and broccoli because there was going to be some vegetables because I didn’t want to hear about it later from their mom.
The sweetie just laughed because she had heard that for years, but she helped cut up the vegetables. They were both happy as clams as was the pooch who truly loves beef and broccoli. That was the first food he got when I picked him up while the Chinese were poisoning pet food a dozen years or so ago, so he has always got the same supper as us, and expects that from the pack now. Not that he is completely spoiled or anything ;-D
ahhh!
Labrador Deceiver – LOL!!!
peaches … pears … right off the tree? yummm!
Kinda, and the name fits your ironic test
Well if I can keep out of trouble for twenty days then we will hit the big 3-0.
Real names, online, kind of make me uncomfortable.
You never know what flying monkeys are watching, or where and when they’ll strike.
Back in the day before the left weaponized social media things were different.
That was long ago in internet years.
That’s awesome, Horseman!
Congrats. 🙂
awesome! congratulations to you and the Mrs 🙂
very cool. very impressive!
ironic names … had a math teacher in middle school named Mr White who was a big, very dark, black man! he was also very kind and a very good teacher … i remember enjoying his class 🙂
btw – i think the author has adhd on steroids – he can jump around five different places in one sentence and leave you spinning after a paragraph 🙂
Yeah, he was a little wound.
when you look back on an career like that … where you did so much good and so many amazing things … do your thoughts take you to the good places? or do you get overwhelmed in the depravity of humanity? i know there are women who do those things, too, but i know i couldn’t. i’d get so overwhelmed by the depravity that it’d drown me.
I gave my copy to Dawn, so i no longer have one. First name T or A? Page 33, i think?
Both.
T … yep.
Actually with how things have ended up, i think it was all in vain and a wasted effort.
b/c of your marriage? or culture?
Everything. The failed marriage. Pam. Dawn. The species…
I use my real name online here…
😦
it’s hard moving into our older years of life. i’ve wondered lately if it’s more about how we handle disappointment than anything else. it seems to be enveloping sometimes. the age-old questions of purpose, … was it all worth it … did it mean anything at all. if i didn’t believe God is, and that He has a bigger picture, i think it would drown me 🙂
that’s so tragic … but real.
in the end, does it really matter? what does matter at the end? what transcends time and space?
we matter very much to God.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in nor steal, for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
@b g your life sounds so sweet. Very refreshing to read your comments about your fruits and grandkids/kids and life. Thank you for posting them ❤
Ame
Most of us feel we are immortal when we are teenagers, but few of us feel like that as we age.
And yes, sun warmed ripened peaches picked from the tree are wonderful. Most pears are best picked just before ripe and brought into the house to ripen slowly. Some of the Bosc types can be held in a crisper for several months, my wife often held them up to Christmas. The Asian pears are excellent ripened from the tree, and they are truly loved by the gobblers and the pooch ;-D
Nice!! I grew up with apple trees, pear trees, wild blackberries growing on our land that we’d pick and eat, and strangely, we even had sour green grapes (?) from a giant tree on our land. The grapes were fun to throw at each other in kid-games my brother and I’d play.
But growing up with all that was amazing.
I think they were Mustang grapes. So they must have been from vines that just hung in the tree. Hmmm… I’ll have to ask my parents what it was, but they were interesting!
Our grapes are very sweet but they usually don’t ripen until just before the first frost. My wife always made blackberry jelly to serve on ham during the holidays, she knew that I loved it on toast too. And yes, it is a good neighbourhood, the gobblers live three houses down. The sweetie is in junior high this year, time passes ;-D
Well, my neighbor said she likes how it tastes. All that matters,
for now…
to me … always having lived in ‘the city’ … that sounds like a dream 🙂
loved by the gobblers and the pooch 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
@bg I thought that was very sweet too! The fruits of a life well lived 🙂
I have lots of pears and apples here. Time to gather them up for winter…
The stuff hamster dreams are made of.
“I should divorce his sorry ass, look what I could have!!!”
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-the-most-eligible-canadian-millionaires-and-billionaires/
Horseman,
30 years wow.
I am getting close to 18 but you and Liz make me feel like a noob!
#2 is her?
She’s got the feminist look down…nose ring and ugly tattoo so I assume she has the attitude as well. She’ll either have to pay a cad to stay around for a few month or will live in a bigger house with cats as she ages.
rpg
“Time to gather them up for winter…” Yeah, for all things there is a season ;-D
Her nose ring is cultural.
18 years in….hmmm. Had a 11 year old and 9 year old. Gods it seems forever ago.
I am a semi noob.
Mrs folks in their mid 80s are a year out from 60!
Live independently (with family help) in their own home a few miles from us
‘Her nose ring is cultural.’
Sure it is…
I’m sure the tat is too.
LOL I doubt that push to start would have any problems landing a dude in the next few years if she is smart enough to trade in on her looks early enough and yes nose rings are culturally normal for the women on her people
Now I doubt she is smart enough to land a man anytime soon but her looks, nose ring and tattoo included ain’t going to be an impediment any time soon
They are slut tells. She might land a cad looking for a sugar momma but I doubt a husband unless he’s a simp with more money than her.
Hmmm, are there unicorn tells? Perhaps the shy lowering of her eyes before looking up to see if you had noticed her ;-D
Enjoy living in your fatnsy land earl. Girls with a lot less going for them than her stick their landings everyday….. Though that’s probably an advantage for the girl
Hmmm, are there unicorn tells? Perhaps the shy lowering of her eyes before looking up to see if you had noticed her ;-D
…….
About half the bitches I have banged have done something along those lines when I walked up to them
Perhaps, but she is obviously feminine so you avoid the “strong and independent ™” nonsense right off the start ;-D
I suspect she’ll land on her feet.
‘ Girls with a lot less going for them than her stick their landings everyday….. Though that’s probably an advantage for the girl’
What part of ‘I doubt a husband unless he’s a simp with more money than her.’ did you not understand? That’s sticking the landing for those tells.
‘About half the bitches I have banged have done something along those lines when I walked up to them’
And how many had tats?
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/what-boys-like/
Would smash
On a more pleasant comment, the gobblers brought me and the pooch a supper from their mother that I did not have to cook. Mashed potatoes and gravy, trust me one of the most difficult things for a widower to make, with roast beast, beets, and green beans, plus a green salad, and a piece of cake. So the pooch and myself pretty much had the world by the bum with a downhill pull today ;-D
ahhh, BG! that’s awesome 🙂 🙂 🙂
i would never guess that mashed potatoes and gravy would be difficult to make. i have been surprised, though, over the years when people asked if i used real potatoes or boxed to make mashed potatoes. never would have thought to use boxed ‘potatoes.’
gravy is pretty much a staple in our home. idk where it’s got it’s bad rep from. it’s really healthy if you use healthy ingredients 🙂
Ame
Mashed potatoes are easy to make from scratch, the problem is just the quantity. So I generally roast them in the oven or nuke one with butter. My wife loved deer liver with onion gravy over mashed potatoes ;-D
ahhh … mashed potatoes can be frozen. i find this easier to do once they’ve been refrigerated. once they’re cold, you can scoop out portion-sizes, place them in freezer zip-lock bags, then they’re ready to re-heat for one meal. i don’t use a microwave, so i like to reheat them in a toaster-oven. they will take longer to reheat to get them to a good texture for eating again 🙂
when i put food in portion sizes in zip lock bags to freeze, i’ll flatten it after it’s in the freezer bag. this makes it easier to reheat b/c it’s not so thick. i try to keep the thickness even all around, too, to help reheat evenly.
i wish i liked liver; it’s SOOO good for you!
Ame
Hmmm, good tip, I’ll have try freezing some and see how it works out. And btw venison liver is generally much milder than beef liver and is probably much better for you too because the animals aren’t given chemicals.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/mad-about-boys/
to have venison liver i’d have to know someone who hunts deer, right? do they sell that in grocery stores? (yes, i’m a city girl 😉 )
reheating mashed potatoes is a lot like twice-baked baked potatoes, if you’ve ever had those.
because mashed potatoes are made with liquid – butter, milk, etc, all that liquid forms ice crystals all thru the potatoes, so when reheated, you not only need to warm it all up, but you want the ice crystals to melt and then blend back into the potatoes. it kind of makes them fluffy if you heat them long enough to evaporate a lot of that excess moisture.
you can even mix in shredded cheese before freezing, and then when you re-heat them, all that cheese melts through. yummm 🙂
Actually, it is possible to buy elk meat in both Canada and the USA. I don’t if one can buy liver, nor do I know if commercial producers use chemicals. There are many hunters in Texas, so perhaps you can trade meat for maybe baked goods ;-D
We have elk here in CO. 🙂
Mike got a license to hunt this season (November). Hope he gets one!
Since we’re talking about meat, I copied this post from another forum. Thought it was interesting so I’ll share it. I’m not knowledgeable in the farming biz like some other here, but maybe someone else will find it of interest too:
“A cow left alone in nature will graze on grass…exclusively. Even if grains are available, a cow won’t touch them — can’t digest them. Cows, as all bovines, are herbivores and their four stomachs are the world’s perfect grass fermentation machines. The largest stomach, the rumen, thus the term ruminants, begins the digestion process, but it cannot digest grains. Grains make ruminants sick (wheat grain, soy grain, corn grain, you-name-it). Thus ruminants in the wild are exclusive grass grazers. The very best meat comes from grass-fed ruminants. Ask any lion in the Serengeti. Think water buffalo, wildebeest, zebra, impala, etc.
Many are surprised to learn grass-fed beef has more Omega-3 fatty acids than wild salmon, as well as an appropriate Omega-3 to Omega-6 ratio of 3:1. Grain fed beef not only flips that ratio upside down but Omega-6’s can be grotesquely higher; one study (conducted in Korea) recorded a 1:90 ratio. The reason this is concerning is Omega-6’s, while a necessary part of the diet in correct proportions, cause inflammation which leads to the whole list of pathologies such as cardiovascular disease, cancer, autoimmune dysfunction, etc.
The best way to raise beef is to mimic nature. Small herds, grazing on grass, moving from one paddock to another every day. The sad thing is the majority of cattle raised in the US is fed a lifelong diet of grains, antibiotics (because the cows get sick from grains), growth hormones, and animal protein (think by-products from chicken and pork processing facilities, animal shelters — yes Fido from the shelter is fed to the cows). It costs too much and takes too long to allow cows to graze on grass.
Fortunately, there are farmers who still know how to farm. Check out Polyface Farm in Swope VA. This guy raises cattle all on grass without using chemicals. His “mimic nature” approach means he’ll move the herd from one grassy paddock to another every day. He’ll then brings his chickens in to “clean-up” after the cows — just like in nature where birds follow bovines. He brings this sanitation crew in three days after the cows have been in a paddock. This allows flies to plant their larvae in the pies. The chickens scratch through all the cow pies to eat the now fattened larvae left behind, thus he doesn’t have a fly problem. THIS is how beef should be raised. Anyone interested to learn more should read The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan.”
all these hidden things in our food supply, Liz. it’s scary what we’re actually eating anymore 😦
Liz
Good luck and ask him not to shoot the herd bull in full rut. Be a meat hunter, not a trophy hunter. One of my younger brother is 63 and still hasn’t learned that lesson ;-D
Hmmm, I will tell you both a story about health. My brother and the kid’s Dad hunt together in Saskatchewan. Both buy chickens from the Hutterites, they are many months older than the usual store chickens. Both wives call them fat ass chickens ;-D
The chickens are large enough to feed three adults and two large children plus a pooch. Anyway, I asked her what she was doing with the carcass, she said nothing so I asked for it. I added a little vinegar and boiled it for a couple of hours then froze the stock with the meat remnants.
A couple of years ago, both kids and most of their classrooms were sick with colds and flux. The kiddo got better in a week or so and went back to school. But I saw the sweetie sitting in the weak sun at their porch but looking really peaked. She asked could I make her some Chinese soup, which is Wor Won Ton. She was back in school in three days. Her mom said you know your soup actually jells, and laughed about Jewish penicillin ;-D
ahhh! that’s so sweet that you do that for them! what a gift you are to these kids, to your whole family. you cannot begin to measure what a gift you are to them. i so wish my daughters had someone like you in their lives. all four grandparents are alive and healthy, but not one are willing or kind or generous on any level. they are all four selfish and narcissistic and judgmental and bitter, and my daughters would walk right past all of them on the street not recognizing them. i learned long ago to stop asking them to be in our lives.
i make bone broth with all our chicken carcasses … though usually after i’ve cooked them first. i do buy raw carcasses occasionally when i find them with which i make bone broth. i don’t add all the extra stuff a lot of recipes call for … just good water and celtic sea salt and apple cider vinegar (when i remember). usually it gels; occasionally i put in too much water and it doesn’t. i freeze it in 2 cup measuring cups or 1 cup to a quart freezer bag and use them liberally when cooking anything. sometimes i wonder if it makes a difference, but at least i believe it does in my mind, so, you know … keeping Mama happy believing she’s taking care of her family 😉
Haven’t read thru every single comment, and perhaps someone already mentioned it, but the power differential switches between men and women once women get over 35, IMHO.
So it is not so much looking for love in all the “wrong places” for these women, as much as it is looking at the “wrong times”. Mother Nature is a harsh mistress.
Rollos infamous chart
Boobies.
they just opened a pole dancing … errr … fitness! pole FITNESS workout center not far from my home! 🙂
Ame
Sorry to hear about the grandparents’ attitudes, life is too short to behave like that.
Well, pole dancing looks like a pretty good workout. 🙂
i agree!
sadly they don’t … not that i haven’t given them opportunity to change their minds … but after awhile, it’s not worth trying anymore.
LOL!
awesome 🙂
LOL, I believe that, because of divorce, too many youth of today have not observed nor learned the ancient dance between the sexes. And have often wondered if the polka just might give both of them a beginning ;-D
Okay, it was my wife’s idea ;-D
In my head I long ago divided learning into content knowledge and process knowledge. Stuff you learn from books and stuff you learn from actually doing what you learned in books. What the surgeon learns from medical text books versus what he learns from the feel of the knife as it presses into whatever he is cutting. Daughter is getting practical experience learning the difference between content and process knowledge right now. Four years of book learning about Speech and Language Pathology. Started graduate school in August and immediately they assigned her to rotations through two clinics (one on campus and another in a hospital). Actually applying her book learning to dealing with real live cases, writing up her assessments, and making recommendations for treatments. Some of it has been particularly difficult for her as she is dealing with several men who have had strokes that are much younger than I am.
That was just to give an example of the difference between content and process knowledge. My real point is this: that video that Liz posted of the pole dancing (nice sense of humor there) triggered this thought in me – those guys are getting a first-class education and acquiring process knowledge by dancing with a real, live, breathing, sweating, laughing, maybe clumsy maybe graceful, female. Process knowledge, not content knowledge. Knowledge that can only be acquired by being up close and personal. Lots of talk about only 20% or less of the guys getting to be up close and personal in the most desired way. For the other 80 percent of guys who only know women from book learning – content knowledge – who lack process knowledge because they are invisible to most/all women – Liz’s video shows a real, innocent way for the guys to learn what a real woman feels like and smells like (and maybe tastes like if he can quickly lick her hand or something).
We could examine this thing six ways to Sunday, but my thoughts boil down to – this kind of dancing gives the invisible men a way to be physically close to a woman without either one of them freaking out (guy or girl). Sufficient exposure to women in this neutral, non-threatening meet-up just might give the invisibles enough process knowledge to start behaving in a way that they are visible to other women.
We’ve probably lost something more valuable than we realize by inventing more sophisticated things to occupy our attention than twirling someone of the opposite sex around the dance floor on a regular basis.
I realize that my suggestion to bring back the dance floor on a regular basis would only solve the problem of the invisibles – by giving them process knowledge of what it is like to be physically close to a woman – if the top twenty percent or whatever of the “alpha” guys are excluded from the dance.
My wife believed that all women want to dance always, not just the 20% or so that was lucking out at the moment. And the more guys get to dance, the more confident men become.
“(and maybe tastes like if he can quickly lick her hand or something).”
LOL… I don’t believe this is a good idea!
That’s great your daughter is already doing rotations 🙂 I’ve heard that part of graduate school is usually the most helpful.
I used to shadow and sometimes get to help physical and occupational therapists at a rehab hospital when I was in my teens. It was the most I’ve ever learned concerning practical knowledge of treating patients and the relationship between the therapists and their patients. Really cool stuff. The stroke patients weren’t as hard in my opinion, as the traumatic brain injury patients and major accident patients. I mean some cases were amazing to see, like people learning to walk again, but for some there would always be affects of their accident. I remember one where a 15 yr old was burned all over his body because he was in the car while his dad was drag racing (the dad ended up dying). Just really hard 😥
Testing 123….
@Stephanie:
I thought about putting a sarc tag on that licking comment. But figured most people would see it for the joke it was meant to be and so didn’t.
Wife is a nurse. Your comments about the really bad stuff is why daughter was channeled into speech and language pathology, as wife has experienced things of the sort you mentioned. Daughter is very sensitive, didn’t like blood, and she figured she would not survive nursing training. So – no blood or other trauma for her now with SLP. But the stroke stuff and other things has forced her to confront for real, probably for the first time, the issue of mortality. Or at least the idea that life can change suddenly in a not-so-nice direction.
The planning for her college trajectory started early on. And so we incorporated her sensitivity and sqeamishness then into our longer-range planning to stay away from blood and trauma. However –
When she was in third year – 18 months or so ago – and had endured any number of readings, pictures, and videos – my wife acquired a detached retina. Daugher was home on one of her breaks – so we took her with us to the eye guy. He did his examination and proclaimed that it was indeed a detached retina. He then ticked off three options that we had – each one more invasive than the first. But if the first, least invasion option worked, the other two would be unecessary. He offered to do the first option right there in his eye lab, which was on the small side. It involved sticking a large needle directly into her eye and blowing a bubble next to the retina, which would force it to reattach. Wife only thought for a minute, then said to go for it (it worked). To create more space, I left the lab and signaled daughter to come with me. Oooohhhh – can I stay and watch??? she asked in an excited voice. Doctor said OK, so I left alone.
Recognizing that we weren’t in Kansas anymore.
So – she maybe could have survived nursing school and being a nurse. But, with SLP, she is being more her own person because she is not copying mom.
Stephanie – speaking of strokes – do I remember right reading something that in the recent past your dad suffered something and was no longer the person he used to be? Has any of that passed, or are you still dealing with the new person he became? If so, that has to be hard.
@Stephanie said: I used to shadow and sometimes get to help physical and occupational therapists.
For last two years of undergrad, daughter rented a house with 3 other girls that was right across the street from campus. Daughter of the landlord was one of the 3 girls (son lived there first; daughter next. They sold the house when their daughter graduated in Spring of 18). Her dad is a lawyer and her mom is a physical therapist. Their daughter is following mom and becoming a physical therapist – got accepted into a PhD program for physical therapy elsewhere.
Their daughter had a boyfriend up until Christmas break of Year 4, whereupon he broke up with her (they both knew they were going in different directions physically after graduation). Rejected girlfriend immediately went into Karen Carpenter mode – which is a story for a different thread. Parents immediately put her into therapy. To no avail. Out of desperation, her parents threatened to not pay for her PhD program unless she stopped her destructive behaviors (not eating; forcing herself to throw up if she is made to eat; putting rocks in her bra when sent to the doctor to be weighed, etc.) She didn’t / hasn’t stopped and so she is in her PhD program assuming that she can pay for it herself (she can’t, which raises the issue of future sugar baby). Mom has cut her off and mom and her daughter talk to each other through my daughter. My daughter knows that their daughter needs to not become totally isolated, and so has remained receptive to their daughter’s efforts at conversation. But my daughter agrees with her parents. And knows well, from an early age, the Karen Carpenter story, and understands that destructive daughter may well succeed in copying Karen Carpenters final act (death from heart attack due to not eating properly).
Had a time of socialization during graduation week with destructive daughter and her brothers and parents. Seemed like the all-american family. An outsider looking in would have had no idea of the distress that actually existed within the group. So it is, likely, with many families we observe.
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Generic solutions often are not effective in unique situations. And some problems have no solutions. Everywhere. That is why I think the guys in the manosphere that I see saying the same things over and over and over – no matter what the story – have much content knowledge but not much process knowledge. Otherwise, I think their comments would display an understanding of the first part of this paragraph and they would be more humble.
More humble re. thinking their proposed solution will be appropriate for every situation.
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Generic solutions often are not effective in unique situations. And some problems have no solutions. Everywhere. That is why I think the guys in the manosphere that I see saying the same things over and over and over – no matter what the story – have much content knowledge but not much process knowledge. Otherwise, I think their comments would display an understanding of the first part of this paragraph and they would be more humble.
yes.
Perhaps, but she is obviously feminine so you avoid the “strong and independent ™” nonsense right off the start ;-D
……
LOL and that ain’t no small thing
“Their daughter had a boyfriend up until Christmas break of Year 4, whereupon he broke up with her (they both knew they were going in different directions physically after graduation). ”
I’m so sorry RP that is awful, especially how she’s doing now.
I don’t know 😦 I don’t think it’s healthy or good for women (or society in general) to grow up with relationships that are second to their career. Because that’s basically what that was right? He had his own career ideas and she did also, so of course their relationship or future marriage and children and legacy came last.
For a woman, having that steady man there for you day in and day out is SO amazing. It provides SO MUCH comfort, joy, peace, passion, romance and purpose in a woman’s life. I do think that if I had insisted on finishing all the years of my graduate school plans before marriage, we wouldn’t have made it. Some minor thing would have probably prompted me to break up (or him) and I wouldn’t have the marriage and family and huge purpose I feel now. So I get it why she’s reacting the way she is – people are acting like marriage is a horrible thing, that careers are the only important goal in life, and that children are burdens. 😦
Yes my dad had a stroke-like thing 3 years ago 😦 he’s still not 100% RP but thank you for asking.
I think having my husband here for me helps to deal with things like that. He’s like this constant rock of strength and love and comfort and security. Kind of just going off of what I said in that last paragraph in my first comment above, it’s weird how wonderful having a good marriage is. There’s nothing that can compare to it… no career, no amount of money, it really is like God’s gift to us to be able to have relationships like that.
Maybe she could consider doing the Physical Therapist Assistant route? It’s super cheap compared to the PhD program, and it pays MUCH more than it used to.
RP, something I found out from hanging around with physical therapists for years is that they HATE that it was made a PhD program. It jacked up the pay (unrealistically) and it made all that much worse getting insurance for their practices. I talked to a lot of them about this, and it was a big problem even back then (maybe it’s worked out now?).
One of their main problems was people just refusing to hire and pay that much for the new “doctors” of physical therapy. And to compensate, they’d hire a lot less and just force them into management positions where the PTs weren’t even able to really work with their own patients anymore. It got to where I could see I didn’t want that anymore. Maybe if you could talk to this girl about the problems that have come up for it, maybe she could do the quicker and much cheaper route and go PTA.
That’s actually our plan in a couple of years, for me to go back and be done super quick with that easy degree and get to work with patients more than their official PT does. It does vary, so maybe her mom is in a good practice (or has her own?) and is able to see more patients, but the ones I volunteered for were bogged down with paperwork all the time, giving the exercise duties to the PTAs and not even enjoying what they set out to do.
Physical therapy is great, and if she loves to encourage people, talk a lot, and is an out-going personality, she really could do it so much cheaper (and have much less of a headache) if she does the 2 yr program 🙂 Hope she figures it out RP… it’s hard that young, and going the 2 yr route is like eating a huge helping of humble pie.
I was surprised to learn that the Physical Therapy program was a straight to PhD program, with no stop along the way for a Masters degree. I was also surprised that she chose physical therapy, because she is small. My concept of physical therapists is “burly”, not “slight”. Being small, perhaps her goal is to become one of the paper pushers you discussed above, not one of the folks who actually interacts physically with the patients. Her parents are well-regarded in the community and so I presume she would struggle with the issue of “what it would look like” – to her family and their friends – if she were to drop down to the PTA level. But she may need to do that anyway if she can’t get ahold of her eating issues and get back to a point where her parents will pay for her schooling.
I want to be careful to not get too deep into the “after this, therefore because of this” fallacy. The eating disorder became visible and problematic big-time after the break-up with boyfriend. But, was that breakup the sole cause of the problem, or was it just the straw that broke the camel’s back and made things get worse? I’m sure my daughter knows more about the details of all of this than I know – from her having lived with destructive daughter for two years (they were classmates before they rented the house together) and from continuing to talk with her even today. I’ve made a concious choice to not pry, because this is part of letting her go – to be an adult and her own person and learn how to figure things out with her own thinking power. Sort of what her graduate program is doing by placing her into the clinics right off the bat.
I’m available to her for when she wants to talk about it – which she does from time to time. But I let her initiate the conversation. However, I will pass on to her your suggestion about the PTA angle. I knew there was an SLPA program, because daughter is already being asked to work with and supervise several who are in that program, but I didn’t know about the PTA option.
Stephanie, I’ve known many couples whose marriages were absolutely horrid. And I’ve known a number of couples whose marriages are (still) glorious and of the sort that you describe above. I am pleased that you have one of the good ones. And, coming from a family with lots of brothers and sisters myself, I enjoy looking at the pictures you post of your littles. That triggers fond memories of my younger brothers and sisters and cousins and nephews and nieces when they were little like that.
But I am also pleased to hear you say you are open to going back and furthering your education. You are obviously bright and talented. Your children are going to benefit immensely from you being their mother. But when they grow older and need you less, hopefully you can find the time and the bucks to go on with your own development – while still attending to the development of your children. I’d hate to see the light go out of your eyes because you one day conclude that you never got the chance to be all that you could be. I know that sounds corney. But I also know that does happen to folks.
“Her parents are well-regarded in the community and so I presume she would struggle with the issue of “what it would look like” – to her family and their friends – if she were to drop down to the PTA level. But she may need to do that anyway if she can’t get ahold of her eating issues and get back to a point where her parents will pay for her schooling.”
It is strange to me, how much parents push their children to attain goals they themselves wouldn’t even had been able to manage while also getting married, having kids, and doing life. Her mom probably got her PT degree back when it was just a bachelor’s (I shadowed several PT’s like that). But I get it that maybe her parents’ ideals and the image they want to keep up prevent her from scaling down her aspirations – it does bother me though how realistically, who benefits from it?
It’s also weird how her parents and community would be totally fine knowing she maybe have been sleeping with this boyfriend for all those years (explains the dramatic breakup affects), yet would have gone crazy if they actually did the right thing and got married before sex.
I mean… I don’t believe women were created this way… to be pushed *so hard* to do the *very* difficult PhD career route, while being pumped by some boyfriend who is going to dump her at a drop of a hat because let’s face it, she’s not following his career and life path even after 4 years of playing marriage together. How exactly is a young 20’s age woman supposed to deal with all those things at once I don’t know.
And believe me, I’m not against women working or making money or even if they have to, taking care of an ill or disabled husband! I’m sure a lot of purpose can be found in work. I understand women who want more than home life, but I also think it’s probably best if they sacrifice that some and maybe take it up later when their kids are older.
“I was surprised to learn that the Physical Therapy program was a straight to PhD program, with no stop along the way for a Masters degree.”
It’s all part of the education racket. Physical therapy should not require a PhD. Nor should pharmacy….it didn’t twenty years ago but does now. Last interview I had as an RN, the facility wanted all nurses to have masters degrees. I can tell you, a masters in nursing education is about as worthless as it gets, but they paid so, heh. What a waste of money. This is part of the healthcare crisis. Much larger part than most people know.
I worked at a nursing home (horrible job, but met a lot of good people) a few years back. One day, a CNA proudly told me she had just finished a phlebotomy certification at the university. I said, “that’s great!” and everything appropriate…but in the back of my mind I wondered why on earth phlebotomy would require a certification at a university and how much it would cost? Also, how could they practice? Practice is the only way to learn…..
Turns out she shelled about about 3,000 dollars (imagine how long it takes to make that much money as a minimum wage earning CNA), and had never done a real “stick” (the word we used for person back when I did phlebotomy). It was some sort of plastic arm (useless). But, she needed the certification just to apply for the job to get the experience to one day actually be a phlebotomist. Times have changed. In a really short timeframe.
Again, it’s all a racket.
“This is part of the healthcare crisis. Much larger part than most people know.”
I wondered that. I mean because if they can inflate (so to speak) the pay that much, then they can effectively charge a lot more for the same kind of therapy. So the insurance companies and such line their pockets. It’s become something of a bubble.
Anyway… it sucks though for college aged women to get those jobs now because if anything it just prolongs their schooling and potential debt.
“Anyway… it sucks though for college aged women to get those jobs now because if anything it just prolongs their schooling and potential debt.”
Yes. We also lose a lot of experienced people in some cases. For example, one of my instructors in the nursing program was a very old nurse…she knew everything, taught us more than anyone else and she ran the practical skills lab. But she didn’t have a master’s degree. The Board of Nursing came in and said she needed an advanced degree or she was out…well, she wasn’t gong back to college at that age, so she had to leave and they lost a very experienced person. On the flip side, an administration idiot was placed in charge of the program. Don’t even think she had an RN but she did have a PhD in Theology.
Same thing was happening in the medical labs, back in the day. I haven’t worked in a lab in over 20 years but I’m sure the trend is similar.
Stephanie, I posted the stuff below yesterday. I thought I saw that it actually posted, but maybe not. Or maybe Bloom thought it wasn’t appropriate and deleted it? If that is the case, she can delete it again.
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Stephanie, you said But I get it that maybe her parents’ ideals and the image they want to keep up prevent her from scaling down her aspirations
I meant to convey that the issue is in the daughter’s head, not in the parents’ heads. I think she doesn’t want to embarass her parents. I don’t think they are telling her not to embarass them. From what I know of both father and mother, I think they would support her in whatever she chooses to do (other than supporting her in her choice to destroy her health by not eating properly).
I also think she went into the relationship with her boyfriend knowing that it would probably end when they graduated. It is possible she did not understand the effect it would have on her when the relationship did end. Particularly since he ended it 4 months or so before they graduated. And they were sexually active. If he was her first, then it becomes more plausible to think she did not know the break-up would be hard on her when it came.
I think this is a good place to end this particular discussion. Thanks again for the feedback.
I said And they were sexually active. If he was her first, then it becomes more plausible to think she did not know the break-up would be hard on her when it came.
I think she did not know what Willie Nelson knew, and wrote about. Particularly that last line. She learned the hard way that she was playing with real fire. And she got badly burned. (Supposedly, Willie wrote this for his daughter). Stephanie, hopefully your writings will help educate some young ladies to this truth.
Like the other little children
You’re gonna dream a dream or two
But be careful what you’re dreamin’
Or soon your dreams’ll be dreamin’ you
When you go out to play this evenin’
Play with fire flies till they’re gone
Then you rush to meet your lover
And play with real fire till the dawn
It’s Not Supposed to be That Way