In case you have been wondering, I am still here! And I plan to continue the blog. It’s a very busy season for me and that’s left little time for writing, or coming up with new topics.
But all is well! I wanted to drop by and say hello quickly, and that I am still around!
Feel free to comment about whatever red pill topics are on your mind. The best stuff is often in the comments anyway!
Carry on…
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Guess I should add the caveat it would depend on the occasion I guess. Maybe if it was my birthday or something. We’re social animals, seems everyone should be on roughly the same page there.
While I’m spam posting….since the topic is open, my favorite band is Rise Against. They’ve been around a while, still popular but never top 40 (maybe one song a long while back was). Their songs are very unique (none of them are the same), and the lyrics filled with passion…..not sure one could make that sort of passion up. It’s visceral and real. This is one of my favorites.
Not a happy song, but really good (I prefer the acoustical version):
i had forgotten about this b/c it’s been many years … but my first date with my first husband was our alma matter homecoming … friday night events, all day saturday events, something on sunday and then a movie just the two of us – and his parents were in country and also graduates of the same school, so i spent a good amount of that weekend with them, too, and other family friends of his (one of whom was in our wedding).
the monday after all that, he sent me a dozen red roses and thanked me for the best weekend of his life.
i remember sitting at the table just staring at those, wondering what it all meant and where it was going.
wow. i had forgotten that. 34 years later … i could never have imagined in my wildest dreams or worst nightmares.
Eek. Sorry to jog that old memory out of you, Ame. 😦
ah, Liz, that’s okay. it was actually a fabulous weekend first date. as said before … when he was good, he was incredibly great. i really liked his family, they really liked me. i really liked his family friends. we had something really, really good … he just screwed it up 😦
he would always send me red roses. i finally convinced him i liked other colors of roses and other flowers … and once he sent me a beautiful bouquet at work for no reason. all the men were like, “He’s going to make us look bad!” and the women were swooning.
he didn’t send flowers often, but almost always on our anniversary.
when people ask about him, even our daughters will say, “It’s complicated.” how do you explain that stuff to people? this son of a preacher who had every opportunity to be greatness in every area of his life could never get over needing his father’s approval … could never face the cruel things his parents did to him as a kid … could never accept that women are women. there was nothing i could do to give him what he craved. he would get angry, intensely angry at me for encouraging him and pointing out how great he was … b/c it wasn’t my approval he wanted or needed, it was his dad’s. and his dad knew that and used it to control and manipulate him. he was brilliant … absolutely brilliant. he had one of the shortest learning curves and could walk into most any situation, assess it, and take over successfully within weeks, months. but he had this ‘thing’ that held him back, this noose around his neck, and nothing i did could undo that. i had a great body, great personality, very engaging and supportive, and was hit on often by men – including his ‘christian’ boss – and it wasn’t enough. i could never be enough. i bathed and dressed for him every.single.night, and he turned me down 99.9% of the time. i was never enough.
but … i made the decision to marry him, and although i wanted him to stop hurting us, because he had an definite evil side which was seen and experienced by others, i would never have divorced him.
i miss what we created young. i miss what we could have now had he dealt with his crap and moved on. i grieve for what my girls are missing in their daddy and what he is missing in seeing these incredibly young ladies growing into womanhood in beautiful ways. i see the good parts of him in them, and i grieve that he doesn’t get to experience that.
these are the things that are hard to impart on young women who don’t get loyalty, commitment, faithfulness, delayed gratification, the perfect sacrificed for the great.
we talk of him often, my girls and i. daily. he’s a part of them, of who they are, and i would never, ever, ever want to take that away from them. ever. he’s their daddy and he will forever be their daddy.
btw – for those who might wonder if this is a reason he treated them the way they did, they are both definitely his. my N count is 2 – 2 husbands. but even if he ever wondered, our Oldest looks exactly like him – their baby pictures are twins 😉 … and our Youngest is a strong mix btw my paternal side and his father and brother – they are both visually his.
I thought a happy life was all about crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and hearing the lamentations of their women
i imagine not many men get the opportunity to ‘crush their enemies’ and ‘hear the lamentations of their women’ like you have 😉
LOL Ton.
All unhappy families are alike; each happy family is happy in its own way.
😆
@Ame said: … his parents were in country …
Missionaries?
yes, career.
Richard – are y’all still safe from those fires?
There is a special kind of agony that is created in children when dad devotes his heart and soul to ministering to the natives of foreign lands, and because of that does not have the time to cherish his own children. Ame, you should pull together all of the various things you’ve said online about your experience with the missionary’s son, expand on them, and create a book that deals with the fallout from the truth in the first sentence of this paragraph.
We are safe. In the Valley north of Los Angeles, we have mountains to the north and south of us, and to the left and right. Fire season in Southern California starts about now and runs through February or so. The Santa Ana winds blow during this period, often causing the large power lines to swing, and some get close enough to each other to arc, which creates sparks that fall to the ground, and off we go because of the winds.. Every year, one or more of the mountain ranges around us catch fire. We often have to brush the ash off of our cars, but embers are dead and cold by the time they get to us. We did not get any ash from the fire that burned to Malibu because the winds were blowing north to south, and we are east of there.
It is currently thought that an overheated transformer or some such, belonging to Pacific Gast and Electric, blew up and started the fire in northern California (the Paradise fire). Sixty three or so dead, 10,000 homes burned (plus other buildings), approximately 830 others still mising and presumed dead. Astonishing.
I’m going to post a few pictures for those who need a diversion. In any given fire season, these are pretty normal sights. One gets used to it, but we always feel badly for the folks whose house burn.
What men do:
What women do:
North and South runs at about a 45 degree angle through this picture, from top left to bottom right. At the point where the sail on the sailboat meets the mountains, go left and up at about a 45 degree angle and that will roughly take you into the middle of the San Fernando Valley where we are. This picture is taken from Marina del Rey, on the coast just north of Los Angeles International Airport (LAX).
Scroll through this at your leisure. It shows common scenes from any given year during fire season. There are two series of pictures. The one below in this post, and the one in the next post.
http://archive.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/09/wildfires_in_southern_californ.html
:Los Angeles Fire Pictures
Click on the “X” at top right of the picture with girl watching and then scroll to the top.
Last year(?) there were some incredible photos of men fighting those giant ass fires. Much respect.
Yeah Ton, any given year you are going to get incredible photos of men fighting those giant ass fires, and equally incredible pictures of the ladies watching the men fighting to giant ass fires.
You may have said elsewhere, and I missed it: do you have to tear down and rebuild. Or just fix what is still standing?
Aint said much about it. The ladies around here worry to much already.
Tear down and rebuild. Engineers, including the two who work for me, condemned the place. We’re living in a travel trailer parked in front of our construction site. We love to camp and it keeps us at our happy place but are ready to be back into the house.
We love it out here, remote, wild and free but every once in awhile we’ll need to rebuild. Not as often as them poor sons of a bitch on the barrier island in front of me, and we get way fewer tourist so it’s all good my man
Thanks for asking.
Love those photos RP. Courage isn’t an expection in men, it’s the norm and those photos/ photos of the Cajun navy etc etc demonstrate the everyday courage most men posses though rarely need
There is a special kind of agony that is created in children when dad devotes his heart and soul to ministering to the natives of foreign lands, and because of that does not have the time to cherish his own children. Ame, you should pull together all of the various things you’ve said online about your experience with the missionary’s son, expand on them, and create a book that deals with the fallout from the truth in the first sentence of this paragraph.
though i haven’t been exposed to a great number of pastors, missionaries, and their children, i have likely been exposed to more than many. and most of them were as well adjusted as any other folks around. are there issues? sure. but there are issues in any family.
their issues did not stem from his profession but from him. it’s the seemingly-never-ending-circle … he grew up in a home with a dominant, aggressive mother who beat him everyday assuming he did something to deserve it and a weak, gentle and kind father whom he came to resent for many obvious reasons, an older sister who was much like her mother and married a man similar to her father (and although i only met them once, he wasn’t the man who was portrayed to me, so who he really was? idk. but i liked the man i met – he was a vet and hilariously funny – and when i mentioned this to my fil, i imagine that lost me ‘points’ on his happy list).
it takes a certain kind of fortitude to break cycles while keeping the good things; sadly, neither fil nor first husband were able to do that.
i was the cycle-breaker in my lineage and the storm wall for their dad and his family protecting my girls from all that mess. as Ton has said … paying the cost to be the boss … there is a cost to everything. i wouldn’t change my choices for anything for my daughters know nothing of what i did at their age; i am SO gratefully blessed. they understand Mama broke terrible cycles and protected them from terrible things, and they are both eternally grateful – which i taught them to be and expect from them.
– – –
as far as writing a book … 🙂 … that has been mentioned to me quite a few times over the years, and i’m always so honored and humbled each and every time. i’ve thought much of it … but here’s where i always land. i cannot write without telling the truth … and telling the truth will hurt people. even though these people have hurt me, i cannot turn around and hurt them like that. most importantly, though, it could deeply wound my daughters to have their history laid out, and i refuse to do anything (at least intentionally) that will hurt my children. ever. so much of the book, including my name, would have to be anonymous, and doxxing seems so easy these days. i just can’t.
i do have many journals and my blog. perhaps after i’m gone, someday, and lots of time has passed, someone will want to write the stories.
The ladies around here worry to much already. 🙂
i’m very thankful everything is coming together for y’all, though … that you have a safe place to live … that your girls and kids have you to take care of them.
i imagine it’s quite an adventure for your sons!
you mentioned your grandson somewhere recently … how are your grandbabies? 2 … or 3, now? you’ve got lots of littles running around – life is full of energy and fun in your world!
btw – sharp call, Richard, on catching that ‘in country.’ i didn’t even think when i wrote that.
@Ame said: as far as writing a book … I just can’t.
Too bad. Thought maybe you could entitle it The Missionary’s Position.
Would be a best-seller for sure.
(since you didn’t get my other joke til I pointed it out, maybe think about this one)
5 In total
Youngest ain’t but 9 months
LOL! i actually got this one right off 😉
yeah … i imagine that would sell well! lol!
FIVE! oh, wow! how awesome is that!!! i know they’re adorable 🙂
i love little ones like that. they’re so full of life and hope and promise and innocence while also exhibiting such raw and sincere depravity. a juxtaposition of the best and worst of humanity in their precious little souls 🙂
That’s awesome about the grand babies, Ton! 🙂
Jaw dropping photos, Richard. Just….WOW.
Babies are so precious, agreed and well said, Ame.
I miss babies. I want a fresh and powdery baby to cuddle.
and 9 months is such an adorable, fun age! i still remember my Oldest being 9 months … they become so much more interactive 🙂
cute story … Oldest has always had this thing for moving in circles. when she was that age she would be on her tummy and kind of spin herself in circles! lol! then she’d crawl in circles, then walk then run. she’d always literally run in circles around me. and still, at 21 years old, you’ll often find her dancing or spinning around in circles! … and when it comes to decor … she loves circles 🙂
i just love babies … holding them … playing with them … loving on them … getting to know them … and wondering how their sweet personalities will play out as they get older 🙂 🙂 🙂
Youtube is actively attacking mgtow and red pill. Dozens of channels have been demonitized today and some banned. Likely response to Big John on CNN.
Watch this brilliant piece by Messenger from three years ago before it is gone forever.
The best piece ever done on mgtow.
The Big John interview I presume horseman was refrring to:
9 months old and he owns a pistol, a rifle and a dirt bike……yeah leading with wallet when it comes to the grandbabies
Any luck I’ll see at least one more.
I have 4 kids. I would be happy to have 16 grandkids or more. That’s a legacy to be proud of. Even if 4 carried another name
LOLOL!!!
RPG, you’ve create and managed a space in which people have discussion in a mostly-civilized way, and in today’s world (especially the on-line part of it) that is an accomplishment.