Tags
affair, affairs, breaking up, breakup, breakups, cheating, divorce, marriage, marriage problems, red pill
Well I am sure none of my regular readers will be surprised by this, but the college guy friend who reached out that I wrote about in two posts back tried to cross the line into turning our friendly talks into an online affair.
Thanks to the schooling from the red pill guys over the past few years, I knew this was coming.
And also thanks to them, I can understand what he’s feeling and why he would take this route. And I was ready when he did.
”Can I send you a picture?” He asked.
“Of?” I asked.
“I feel kinda silly,” he said.
“If it is inappropriate, don’t send it,” I said.
”Ok, sorry,” he said.
Then I said I understand what he’s feeling, and even what he’s trying to do, because I felt it myself when I was unhappily married. But that an affair was not the solution, facing what he’s avoiding, his bad marriage, is.
I know this may sound funny but a lot of times people have affairs as a way to stay in a bad marriage. I know that may not make sense but it’s true.
The affair distracts them from the problem and makes them feel good short term. But in the long run they end up feeling much worse. And if the affair is discovered, it is hugely embarrassing and devastating for all involved.
My life is complicated enough, as I always say. And I don’t want to enable him to continue to avoid his real problem. And of course, I would never do that to my guy. Nor would I want to do that to his wife. Even if I was single. Nope. Not happening. Not even for the tingles! (Sorry tingles, you never give good advice!)
He said he’s scared to be alone. I said well I guess it is up to him to decide is it worse to be alone, or to feel so stuck and unhappy he thinks of suicide as a way out. And I reminded him, there’s the third option that maybe he can like Horseman did go from unhappily married to now very happily married.
I am actually glad he reached out to me so that I had the chance to say all this. And to try to help him find a real solution.
I sent him the name and number of a male therapist I know who I think can really help him sort out how he got into a marriage he says he never wanted, and then help him decide what now? Not marriage counseling. Personal counseling.
Now not all therapists are alike and so going to one can sometimes make things worse not better, but I know this one well and I know he will give this guy good guidance. Red pill style.
I hope he calls him. He said he would. I guess time will tell.
And hopefully he keeps talking. But just like Hercules, the answer to anything illicit is now and always will be, “Isn’t my life complicated enough?” Yes it is. No need to throw illicit affairs into the mix, thanks, flattered, nothing personal, but that’s a NO.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
My wife really ended up embarrassing herself when she had to do the pursing after saying she was out.
😆 I’m really hoping it’s the same for them and they get back together eventually.
She’s a nursing major, not military, and they get along great. Mike and I were friends first also, but not for as long (and I never “friend zoned” him…my heart always skipped a beat in his company). He (our son) has a lot going for him, analyzing this I think her hindbrain is looking for proven value, which is tough for a 20 year old college student. If he does well (knock on wood…he had to drop a class, I’m thinking that might’ve caused a blip), I foresee things changing by fall.
On the subject, I think kfg over at TRM has it exactly right. A response to a PUA below:
kfg: ” . . . shaming him for not having a “higher purpose”.”
It isn’t a question of having a higher purpose. It’s a question of having other things to think about and do. Because it is babies all the way down those things all have their ultimate root in getting laid, but can be so many times removed from the root that it occasionally needs pointing out.
The Victorian neo-Queen Anne mansion is the human peacock’s tail. No man would ever even dream of building such a ridiculous thing without being under the influence of women. So, he does it “to get laid.” But he doesn’t necessarily think “I’m doing this to get laid.” He’s just following a drive.
Note that the peacock does not display his tail and say to the peahen, “Hey, look at this. Fuck me.” He has a drive to spread to his tail when he sees a peahen and peahens have a drive to say, “Oh my God. Look at that. For God’s sake FUCK ME!” The peacock’s tail gets him laid, so his mission isn’t to get laid, it’s to build his tail. Once removed from the root drive, but more effective than trying to go straight to the root drive, because peafowl aren’t built that way.
Daniel Boone, ultimately crossed the Cumberland Gap to get laid, but if he had thought “How is this going to get me laid,” he would have concluded that it wouldn’t and stayed home. He ended up zeroed out (fucking lawyers) except for – a son who respected him enough to take care of him in his old age and grandchildren who went around saying, “Do you know who MY grandfather is?” with pride.
Getting laid is a drive, but the drive is about babies. All the way down.
But the drive of women is such that they do not respond to a man wanting to get laid. That would be too easy and we’d all just spend our time fucking in the streets that aren’t there because we were too busy fucking to build streets, which would result in all of us dying before the babies happened and matured.
Women respond to a man’s mission and how he handles it. A man on a mission causes women to think about him.
Liz,
Going back to the “weird” thing. At one point my wife mentioned that it would be weird to have sex with a good friend (me). I simply told her that that feeling was silly. She asked why I would say that. I told her, years from now the only thing she would feel “weird” about was that she used to feel “weird” about having sex with her friend.
Sure enough, a few years into the marriage, I asked about it. She agreed I was right. She could not remember feeling “weird”, but could remember the conversation.
So often human forget that feeling change from moment to moment; not to mention day to day or year to year.
I definitely hope you’re right and it works out for them too gofigure. 🙂 what happened to change things in her estimation? Or do you know?
Paraphrasing her words; right after telling me that we could not be more than friends she had a huge sinking feeling, she new right than that she had made a mistake. It still took her a week or two to try and do anything to fix it.
A great question is; why did she tell me ‘not interested’ if she knew it was a mistake? Her answer was: ‘I didn’t want to loose a friend’.
Which opens a great question. Would you (meaning the whole community) tell one of your girlfriends or one of your children to risk loosing a friendship in the chance for something more?
I think her hindbrain is looking for proven value
There just so happens to be a new post related to this
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2019/03/24/zero-sum-game/
Which opens a great question. Would you (meaning the whole community) tell one of your girlfriends or one of your children to risk loosing a friendship in the chance for something more?
yes.
Hi RPG. Just sent you an email 🙂
Which opens a great question. Would you (meaning the whole community) tell one of your girlfriends or one of your children to risk loosing a friendship in the chance for something more?
There’s not enough information to answer.
It’s situational/relationship dependent.
Do both feel a high level of attraction? If so, I think it’s worth it.
At the end of the day, close friendships between two of the opposite sex are going to fade if/when they end up with someone else anyway.
For younger people who haven’t had any time to be established, there aren’t a lot of value measures. Women look for potential in those types of cases.
Guess I should add, the smart ones do.
Dumb ones are more like, “He drives a hot car!!!!’
Liz…”kfg over at TRM”
What/where is TRM?
Sorry, the Rational Male. That was in the commentary portion.
Liz,
You are right on that point. It was my married brother who noticed that married people have married friends while single people have single friends.
By the way, there are a lot of dumb ones out there and they are confusing the whole sexual marketplace.
Hey Fuzzie we have single friends (quite a few of them) but it’s not appropriate for a married woman to hang out with a single male friend.
Liz,
My brother pointed it out as an almost natural progression once he married. I was an exception due to close familial ties.
It’s off topic, but it is Bettina’s speciality. She goes a long way to debunk feminist propaganda meant to defame all men sexually. I have never seen anyone do as much. Runs eighteen minutes.
ROTFLMAO, I will tell you a story when we were kids. My wife’s “Maid of Honour” was neither, but she showed up with her latest boy toy and upon discovering my wife was having multiple orgasms, she demanded my secret. After laughing about my immense length and girth, I suggested she might ask my wife’s attitude. Of course she learned that my wife was not only deeply in love but completely relaxed because she trusted her lover. Amazing how that information works even 50 years later ;-D
Off topic, American national politics. Make sure all dangerous objects are out of reach before watching.Runs four minutes.
RPG,
Aaron hit one out of the park with this. It might be a good idea to bookmark this for women who have questions.
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2019/03/deep-down-inside-women-just-want-to-get.html
Fuzzie: I think that Aaron Clarey is correct when he writes:
“So boys, yes, it is true. Women truly do want marriage and children more than anything else in the world. But their actions prove they effectively value their politics, careers, educations and feminism more. This makes marriage today not only unacceptable, but impossible, tragically despite what women truly want. Alas, too bad, so sad, but that’s reality. And at least men live in reality.”
And I think that Fuzzie is correct when he writes:
“Since this is all female led and driven, I think women will have to fix it. I don’t think that will happen until they have made such a mess of the sexual marketplace that it looks to be beyond repair. The guys will only get to watch from the sidelines.”
That’s why my girlfriend is a felonious hooker.
“You have a feminist bomb in you,” said Nicole Michelle (black red pill dating coach in Atlanta).
I have been meaning to post something on this topic for a week or so. I heard Nicole Michelle say this in a Youtube live show. It wasn’t until I read Fuzzie’s post that got the help that I needed to clarify it. Nicole Michelle was talking about how American women are so steeped in feminism that even traditional conservative young women adhere to feminist ideas without even realizing it. Nicole said that she as a Generation Xer was raised on reruns of Mary Tyler Moore (me too). Traditional conservative young women tell Nicole that they are not feminists. Then Nicole asks them as series of questions. These young women give feminist answers. Nicole then points out to them the feminism in their answers and says, “You have a feminist bomb in you.”
Aaron Clarey’s comment was key. He writes, “Women truly do want marriage and children more than anything else in the world. But their actions prove they effectively value their politics, careers, educations and feminism more.”
The point is that a young woman can get a young man to marry her, but sooner or later her core feminist values are going to express themselves, and she will blow up her marriage. I, by the way, come out of the feminist left, so traditional conservative values are foreign to me.
Nicole Michelle says that as a younger woman she listened to the bitter women around her and came to a point where blowing up her marriage seemed like a good idea. She is passionate about reaching out to young women so that they do not go down the path that she did and blow their marriage to smithereens. In that sense Nicole Michelle and Red Pill Girl are peas in a pod. Smithereens.
What it means for men is exactly what Aaron and Fuzzie said it does: Marriage is absolutely, positively off the table, probably for the next two generations.
Roger,
“Marriage is absolutely, positively off the table, probably for the next two generations.”
It still amazes me at times how western men still restrict their viewpoints of women to the sorry excuses of females found here. The US of A is NOT the only place to look for wife material women, but that is what I have heard men discuss. Y’all need to get out of this fucked up country and fish in different ponds, gents.
Even today there are countries where women are desperate for decent an kind husbands. Feminism has not yet poisoned every culture, but it takes will and effort for a man to find a marriageable woman. This culture is a wasteland, why waste time rooting around in the garbage for a western female?
Roger,
The important thing is that men should stop taking responsibility for what women do. We are in no position to influence them as feminists can. It’s kind of like feeling so much better once you stop beating your head against a brick wall.
Larry,
I believer they are still out there, but Roosh has warned that. with smartphone market penetration, they adopt bad Western habits. I have heard stories that Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Pakistan are having issues with feminism. Those are the last places I would expect.
For younger people who haven’t had any time to be established, there aren’t a lot of value measures. Women look for potential in those types of cases.
That used to be the case. Less so today
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2019/03/28/team/
Guess I should add, the smart ones do.
Dumb ones are more like, “He drives a hot car!!!!’
Do feminist steeped young women even the capability of seeing through this?
My wife’s “Maid of Honour” was neither
For some odd reason, people don’t like it when I point that out at weddings.
Marriage is absolutely, positively off the table, probably for the next two generations
What is the reasoning behind the ‘two’?
Farm Boy,
“My wife’s “Maid of Honour” was neither.”
“For some odd reason, people don’t like it when I point that out at weddings.”
I have little trouble seeing that. Then, they find reasons to send me out on errands and, when I get back, all the treats are gone.
From Cappy.
Best explanation ever!
”
Cute as this is, gamefully-playful as it might be, and even hard-wired into the female sex’s genetic and biological hardwiring as it is, this coy, indirect, and confusing characteristic of women gets tiring an exhausting after a while. Men get older, their testosterone goes down, their opportunity costs for playing this game goes up as they make more money, plus it’s just plain beaten out of us. Life is short, it inevitably ends, and men’s patience for games drops below their desire to have sex. We move onto focus on our careers, make money, make a life for ourselves, and focus on systems that are logical, meritorious, and provide a return on investment for our time”
Reiterate THE key point (that all 35+ women must realize)
“Men get older, their testosterone goes down, their opportunity costs for playing this game goes up as they make more money, plus it’s just plain beaten out of us. Life is short, it inevitably ends, and men’s patience for games drops below their desire to have sex. “
Interestingly (or just Nature being a bitch) this happens around 40-45 just as we are hitting peak attractiveness as a well established, financially secure catch.
Oh and the women being post wall just adds to the meanness.
I mean just as you are getting less sexy, we are no longer sex crazed, so what else you got?
P.s. not meaning not wanting sex at all, just dropped below the threshold where it interferes with our better judgement.
Think of the 25-35 as driving in a really thick fog. 35-45 is an overcast day but clear at ground level. 45 onwards is bright sunshine illuminating the countryside as it really is.
Just sayin
Cappy continues
“And if women are truly equal to men, then they should be ashamed of being too intellectually weak to acknowledge what they want “deep down inside,” and consequently too cowardly to stand up to feminism and feminists and say
“No, I want a husband and children. I don’t want to work or commute or wake up at 6AM or look at a screen. I don’t want an MBA or a Masters in Sociology. I don’t want to pay taxes and end up a spinster. I want a strong man who will rock my world in bed, 4 children to raise, love and cherish, who will also give me grandchildren that I can spoil rotten when I’m old. I want a family, I want love, I want what I want.”
However, it’s very obvious which side they have chosen, whether coerced through shaming, bullying, ostracization or not.”
Which is where the growing holding women to what they SAY comes from. You are independent, fine, just like an independent man, fend for yourself.
Not all women mind you.
Just the ones who are all I’m SIW by day and crying into thier chardonne at night cause they are alone.
A man would say to another man “you wanted it so shut up. If you want something else then go get it but cut the waffling shit.”
Men never get it both ways. We get one thing, that which we work towards. We know it hardwired. So we call each other on it when our wants dont jive with our efforts.
So we are calling you out.
Just like a man
As a man would say “What are you crying for you pussy.”
From the comments
“Excellent and very insightful, right up until the last two paragraphs. That is here you lose me, as I cling to a hope that all is not lost between men and women, and that some greater corrective force will soon set things right.”
Nope. Not gonna happen.
a Masters in Sociology
Call me unimpressed
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A quick update on this, so far he has not contacted the counselor but is thinking about it. He’s respected my limit since as far as no inappropriate stuff which is good. He reached back out to the branch swing gal “out of loneliness” and learned that was a bad idea, so hopefully he’ll not do that again. Yesterday he mentioned his wife has assaulted him physically on multiple occasions, including once trying to run him over with a car about a year ago when she was drunk and arguing and he got out and walked. 35 miles home. Yikes! No violence or verbal tirades since a month later when he for the first time lost it and threw a lazy boy across the room and head butted a hole in the wall after getting so frustrated with her shittesting. So while she’s chilled for now it does not sound good. I gave him some stats on women and domestic violence — as the aggressor — and he was shocked but I think also relieved it’s not just him. I asked him again to please go talk to the counselor or someone. It sounds bigger than I realized. Abuse is not Ok, in either direction.
I got myself in something like this. I just wanted to find some friends, but I found a very deep love, a passionate relationship, and an amazing woman that brought to me such happiness that I couldn’t believe it. But as you said, while being married things get complicated, and sometimes love is not everything.