Today I bought a vintage hope chest, to work on and refinish as a project with my oldest daughter.
For being a solid decade older than myself, it’s in pretty good shape. All it will need is a corner of lifting veneer reglued and a fresh coat of clear shellac to bring it back to its early 1960s prime.
But I didn’t buy it because it is made of beautiful walnut wood with amazing graining, or because it is built to construction standards you cannot even find in furniture today, or because it’s worth $200 more than I paid even in current condition. Not that any of that is not enough, but I bought it for another reason.
I bought it because it’s time for my daughter and I to start talking in ernest about the idea of maturing from girl to woman, and of marriage. And preparing for marriage. And what that means.
I am not even sure if they still make hope chests to this day, or market them to every girl of a certain age in high school with a free tiny cedar box, but they used to back in my day and in generations before.
I remember when I brought my tiny cedar box home from high school, excited about the idea of a hope chest, and how my mom nipped that idea in the bud right quick. (I still have the little box, but never got a hope chest.)
In my mom and many of her generation’s mind, hope chests represented a thing of the past. Gone, she believed, were the days were a girl needed to put things to start a home aside, dream of a good man, and plan to bring something to the table to start a new life with him when that time came. As a team.
As I have written multiple times in the past, perhaps it was well intended “modern” advice, to put off marriage and kids as long as possible while focusing instead on self, but in reality it was disastrous (socially speaking.) No. That experiment has failed. Clearly.
I think it’s time to bring back the idea of the hope chest and all it represents.
I look forward to restoring this sweet little chest with my daughter and the many discussions about all of that that will come.
Luckily my oldest is a sensible girl, she’s not boy crazy, and she’s not wanting to date even though she is the age where many would have racked up multiple notches already on too young of a belt.
I hope and pray that she will wait, find her other half, hitch up, and live happily ever after. Without all the drama, trauma, and heartache “dating loads of guys first” can bring.
I hope that she will wait for her one and only and that they will be together for their entire lives.
What mom with any sense would not wish that for her daughter? Or not encourage her to indulge in the idea of a hope chest and fill it with the best of dreams?
Happily ever after is a good thing to dream of, plan for, work toward, and stick to.
I look forward to supporting that adventure!
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
It is a wise woman who builds her family up, and a foolish one who tears them apart. Start her young on building up, and hopefully you will have beautiful grandchildren one day. A loving, successful family is the greatest achievement a woman can hope for. Hopefully she finds someone who will make her his own and take care of her.
Refinishing furniture is a great hobby. It was therapeutic when I worked with the public. You could see progress as you worked. Even if that is the only skill your daughter gets out of this, she is better off for it.
I am sorry that your mother never got you a hope chest. You’d still have it.
Jasco Premium stripper, Scotch blue pads and a metal spatula without corners for stripping, Scotch Brite green pads for sanding at the grocery store. You may want to think about taking the chest to a paint shop for them to shoot lacquer.
Yeah, you cannot start too soon. One has to alter 50 years of feminist poison. I gave my wife’s fine china to the Sweetie when she was 12 because she was old enough to value the inheritance. It is pretty much a complete set of eight she had collected as gifts for more than 40 years.
https://www.wedgwood.com/en-ca/royal-albert/dinnerware/all-dinnerware/royal-albert-old-country-roses-dinner-plate-iolcor00100?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIr5j64sKR6wIVvj6tBh3Tiwk4EAYYAiABEgIRNvD_BwE
i love this, Bloom. you are such a great Mama … your children will rise up and call you Blessed 🙂
beautiful, BG … the china, too 🙂
An excellent message RPG!
Recently, I have had the opportunity to take my youngest daughter (17) on a 3 week camping trip, just the two of us. While hiking and being in some beautiful places, we had opportunities to discuss many topics. I try to listen more than I talk, and make suggestions based upon what she’s interested in talking about.
A big part of our conversation was centered around her older (18 years old) sister and her dating a boy who is obviously, a very poor choice. My youngest daughter is very concerned about her sister and spent a lot of time unpacking what she had witnessed and what she wanted to do about it.
While discussing this, I wanted her to apply the lessons of her sister to herself so that she doesn’t have to make the same mistakes.
RPG, one thing that is interesting here is the differences in your message and mine. I do not believe in “the one” and the scarcity mentality that goes along with it. I try to teach my daughters that there is no “one” because there are no mates that are perfect or a perfect match for you. I think that we create an impossible goal and set ourselves up to fall when we stress the ideal of a “one”.
Instead, I stress that there is an abundance of perfect matches for you because, once you find a quality person, it boils down to how committed you are to keeping the relationship great. She can clearly see that the older daughter is stuck on “the one” and has closed off her mind to dating anyone else.
I tell her that you have to seek high value, and to attain high value, you must offer high value. I tell her that a relationship is work in the sense that it requires that you work on YOURSELF and your goal to always produce a higher value. I tell her that this is the key to living happily ever after with your mate.
I tell her what basic traits to look for in a man that shows high value, and these will supply her with an ability to attain long term respect for that man. I tell her about a woman’s dual coupling instincts and why that is a good and proven thing.
Great topic RPG, I wish you and yours the very best.
I tell her what basic traits to look for in a man that shows high value,
can you be more specific in what you told her – how did you define ‘high value man’ to your daughter?
Hello Ame!
I tell her that probably the most important trait to look for is that he exhibit some type of “mission” in his life. This can have a wide range of possibilities. It is closely related, but not exactly ambition or personal drive. A man with a mission has drive and ambition but also has a level of confidence in his path that gives confidence to others. A man with a mission doesn’t frequently complain about challenges in life being too hard. A man like this may regroup or refit, but he doesn’t have a laundry list of things that he’s quit. The opposite of this trait is probably a “floater”.
Another trait that she should consider is how he treats his parents, and especially how he treats his mother. This can vary a bit because there are terrible fathers and mothers too. So it must be evaluated in the context of those relationships. But, if the parents seem to be decent people, then she should pay attention to how he interacts with them.
Early on, she should look for signs of how he views honesty.
I tell her that she should look at how he deals with perceived competition for his affection. He should not lose his shit over simple interactions with other people. He should not become anxious when other people want to be around her, like at her birthday party. In this way, he is confident in his value and he appreciates her value and has more pride in her that he does jealousy. He shouldn’t tell you how to dress because he is afraid that other men will find you attractive.
He should freely communicate appreciation when appropriate. He should express this to her and he should express this to people in his life that are truly in his corner.
He should make time in his life to be thoughtful. Not “gift-full”, but thoughtful.
He should make time in his life for himself, either alone or with friends. He should not require that he lock down every moment of your life. He should recognize that you need alone time as well and the reunion is all the more sweet.
He should show respect for himself by the way he presents himself to the world and how he takes care of himself physically.
He should quickly understand the people in your life that are important to you, especially your siblings and your mother. Then, he should put his best foot forward with those people. A man that tries to drive a wedge between you and those people IS probably not good for you.
Avoid the man who wears his emotions on his sleeve.
Avoid leftists because their minds are not sufficiently rooted in reality. Appreciate the man who can celebrate hard realities and tend to rise to the challenge. Avoid whiners.
Beware of men who belittle people that they do not know.
Beware the men who cannot establish a budget for himself, a man that relies on debt, or the man who seems aimless with his personal finances. Beware the man who cannot seem to understand basic finance.
Seek the man with quiet confidence, stoicism, and the man who others tend to follow.
He should be aware of his mistakes and should be able to communicate an appropriate and earnest apology. He should be able to forgive where appropriate, yet he should be able to remember the past. Letting go of the anger is the key without purging the memory.
He should be able to discuss and ponder bigger things like, what is my purpose in life? Who created me? What are my ethics? What are my boundaries? How long do I think that I will live? What’s the best use of the time that I have left? I wonder what it is like to be Joe after he had that stroke.
There are many more, but I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m telling her to be TOO PICKY. 😉
thank you SO much for sharing that … i’ve already copied it and sent it to my daughters. i wish i’d have had a list like that when i was young.
i’d love to know the ‘many more,’ if you ever care to share. i’ll copy and send any additional advice to my daughters 🙂
Ih8lookingback, unless your 18yo daughter is living on her own, you may want to take steps to sever that relationship, and fast, unless they are already fucking. If she imprints on a deadbeat, she is going to spend the rest of her life chasing after cads until she has to settle down, and may miss her chance to have a family at all. There are many women complaining in the news that the men aren’t chasing them anymore. They got left behind when they were replaced. It would be a shame to allow your daughter to join their number.
@bg: A number of my father’s extended family came to Vancouver B.C. from England. When my wife and I married, we received a teapot as a wedding gift from one of those relative branches in Vancouver – my father’s cousin I think.
The teapot was Royal Albert Old Country Rose – what you linked to. My wife and I had never seen that brand and pattern and we both fell in love with it. Over the years, as that pattern went on sale, we built up an 8-setting collection of plates and cups and saucers and soup toureens and the like.
Over the years, we have gotten a kick out of seeing that Old Country Rose pattern show up on television shows and in movies.
We will, at some point, need to pass it on just as you have. The climate of Southern California (sand and palm trees) does not much correspond to the mood created by that fine china, which is more associated with the English Countryside. So I don’t know who we might find down here that would want to take the set. Maybe we will give that and my wife’s Hope Chest to a production company for them to use in a show that is reflecting on a time gone by.
RichardP
Well, I believe it is still the most popular pattern in the world. My wife’s was kept in her hutch – solid maple with a glass front at top, with two larger doors below, speaking of something “reflecting on a time gone by” ;-D
Several large trays behind small plates, cups and saucers, and bowls were displayed in the glass fronted top. But the bulk of the china were boxed behind the lower doors. The Sweetie saw and clearly admired what she had seen but she had no idea how much there was…or any idea of how valuable Nana’s promised gift was.
And you and your wife are not alone in admiring it in California. I saw it displayed in Cassie Jaye’s china hutch in her home on the Bay area when she was interviewed following The Red Pill opening, I think it was by Steve Brule. My hunch is that beautiful girls just enjoy beautiful things ;-D
I was offered the china that I grew up with a few years before my Dad died. I really liked it, but it had been discontinued decades before. I just looked and it is still available “used” on eBay. Knowing then that it would be hard to keep a set together, I turned it down.
Janice Fiamengo tears into Kamala Harris. Not the way I would have, she was an unscrupulous prosecutor and worse state attorney general.
@ theshadowedknight, good point. The entire family has been working on this problem. Her cousins put together a dinner date intervention a couple of weeks ago. They put together an impressive “learn from my experience” type conversation. Grandparents have had many talks with her. In the end, she has to WANT to cut ties with this guy.
The only real skill that he seems to possess thus far in his life is the ability to manipulate. The only reason that I had given him the benefit of the doubt was that he seemed sharp enough to realize his real potential. For a year, he had planned to enlist in the US Army to become a mechanic. But after only 3 weeks of basic training, the Army decided that they didn’t want him. So, here he goes back crying to mommy and begging for a place to stay — after he had thrown his parents under the bus before he left.
The thing that puzzles me about Red Pill in this regard is the illogical (to me) timing of the Epiphany Phase. It does not seem to benefit women in the long term to ignore the provisioning instinct for such a long time, from the teens to the mid twenties. Many women, by that time, have already placed their bet on men who wallow in a low value state for the rest of their lives.
At the end of the day, I accept that I am largely to blame for not having the wisdom to teach these daughters more about RP concepts from an early age. I probably listened a bit too much to the group of men who insist that RP concepts belong only to men.
ih8lookingback…someone observed that a person of 23 can no more imagine themselves as a 50-year-old than they can imagine themselves as a giraffe.
While I can imagine myself as a bear, since David brought it up, this looks like a fun place.
Ih8lookingback, then you may need to cut her off, or chain her to the wall of her room. If you continue to support her in her terrible decision making, then she will infect her younger sister with her ideas. Women follow social pressure, thats why misbehaving women complain so much when it is used against them; it is effective and they want it to stop. Think of it this way: is she an example you want your youngest daughter to see and emulate? If not, why would you let that happen.
To get him to see what is wrong with him, point out that he is a loser who can’t make it among real men. He got kicked out of the Army because he couldn’t hack it. He was weak, and the strong men didn’t want him around. Lower his apparent status, and that will do far better than talking about what a deadbeat he is. I was in the Corps, and only the weakest and most pathetic of men cannot make it if they try. America is a nation of fighters, and if he couldn’t make it then he ain’t shit. Point that out.
LOL ;-D
bg,
Maxine is from the Los Angeles area. I don’t know how, but they keep re-electing her. She doesn’t even live in her own district.
Fuzzie
Well, I always suspected she was from the shallow end of the gene pool ;-D
And she still wears her water wings. She never took her training wheels off her bike.
Fuzzie
Well that’s good because humanity seldom encounters an intellect like hers ;-D
b g,
That is a relief!
Have to say, she gives an example of the old saying “ugly to the bone”…not just physical or even intellectual, but true spiritual ugliness.
b g,
I still can’t understand how she has lasted so lo long.
Captain Capitalism hit another one out of the park.
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2020/08/why-i-need-feminism.html
Fuzzie
Well, it says a lot about her constituents. I agree with much of what the Cap’n says, except for his hard on about the Boomers. The leaders of most of those causing trouble in the ’60’s were not Boomers but rather kids raised half a generation previously. Most came of age during WW2, when most of the best men were absent overseas.
b g,
He is hard on boomers. I am one and I know that I don’t deserve that. 🙂
As for Maxine, I guess that you have to blame her constituents. It can’t be anyone else.
Fuzzie
Well. Boomers are by large given a bad rap. One has only to look at the ages of the leadership of the second wave feminists to see that they were an earlier generation, one raised absent of the best males then overseas. That does not mean that one can totally absolve the gullibility and mindless destructive behavior of their herd-like Boomer acolytes.
b g,
Vietnam.
Fuzzie
Vietnam was very, very different than WW2, the USA was not attacked. By and large, amongst the American elites, only those in the South volunteered.
b g,
The trust of a whole generation was wasted by prosecuting a war without an exit strategy.
I must be on a downer. I am going to link something that I’ve not seen but is probably painfully true and brilliant. The one thing I know about it is that it is like internet dating but the stats are all upside down. Four women to every man and they are motivated.
Fuzzie
In WW2, the Allies demanded complete surrender. There was no such intention in Vietnam. Few young men are going to agree to sacrifice their lives in an endless battle of attrition.
b g,
Years ago, I had a customer who was a Roosevelt Democrat. We’re in the same mess again today. He asked me. “How are we going to know if we win the war on terror? Are we going to march into Berlin?” He’s gone now.
Don’t know, Islam has been attacking Western civilization for 1400 years. I have read the Koran and much of the Hadiths, doesn’t look like much hope for peace.
After seeing this, I feel better. The comments cheered me up too. It’s from 2016 and. at the same time, girl Kurd units were causing ISIS some grief too.
Fuzzie
Research the Alawites in Syria, there was some hope of peace before the previous American administration attacked Assad.
b g,
Hillary had a talent for destabilizing far corners of the world. I will research.
I did, but superficially. Hillary did have the reverse Midas touch as Secretary of State. There is no counting the misery she has caused overseas.
Fuzzie
Well, they were the only group of Muslims that showed much possibility of living with Christians and Jews. That said, I have met two families of Muslims that I consider friends. One left Lebanon during their civil war, the other left Iran as their theocracy became obvious.
b g,
I am happy that you found friends and sad that they had to leave their homelands.
Fuzzie
All of them seem to have at least integrated if not assimilated, which might not be possible. The people from Iran are my pharmacist and his kids who also work there. They have always looked after my prescriptions, sometimes better than my doctors.
The Lebanese bought a small farm next to my uncle, he saw him fencing by hand and showed up with his tractor with a power drill. I used a rifle scope to survey the land and we fenced it in a couple of hours. His wife apologized because she couldn’t offer us a beer, my uncle said he would love a cold tea and I accepted her lemonade. When my uncle passed she showed up at the door with a tremendous beef roast and vegetables and apologizing for offering rice because she didn’t know how to make mashed potatoes. These kinda of people you can trust.
b g,
Those are good neighbors. 🙂
And for an example of not-so-good neighbors, see this appalling story:
https://dailycaller.com/2020/08/29/guy-benson-neighbors-letter-trump-yard-sign/
Karen is everywhere! She has found a new way to garner negative attention and, as far signs go, it is only early September. This is going to be very ugly.
Something interesting from Captain Capitalism.
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2020/09/how-many-people-you-will-date-before.html
For RPG,
liz,
I didn’t hear you crowing that the US Supreme Court wouldn’t hear arguments on Qualified Immunity. This has to end. They are getting away with murder.
Fuzzie, why aren’t you spending more time in these cop free zones, enjoying the peace and security away from these murdering cops.
There are a lot of places to chose from now.
Buy property there! It’s a steal!
After months and months spamming with hundreds of anti-cop videos, being a useful idiot leading up to this very moment….well, if you don’t enjoy those cop free areas now that they are so openly available and you’ve wanted them, you’re really a liar liar pants on fire. Why worry about qualified immunity when you can live cop free?
So, it’s back to ad hominems?
You can’t have much of an argument.
I don’t think that I have made a single comment that is police related since this thread started 10 August. I think Liz may be upset over the incident in Compton Ca, where two Los Angeles County Sheriffs were parked and a man approached and shot them. For those not familiar, LASD was a top flight outfit in the seventies. It has come downhill a lot since. It is controlled by three criminal gangs and they have a reputation for being vicious and lawless. That is what happens when police get out of control and criminal ones are not prosecuted.
More for RPG,
Terrible candidates for police dogs. 🙂