Category Archives: Fempire

The Lost Job

05 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill

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A meeting with my oldest’s guidance counselor led to an interesting teachable moment afterward.

The meeting was a fairly standard, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” one. Would she go to college? Trade school? Etc.

After the meeting she expressed some valid concerns, including feeling like she wasn’t ready to choose. And to be honest, she is fairly young to make such a decision.

I explained it was just the start of the discussion and that she really has several years to figure it out. There are tests she can take to help her narrow things down by identifying her aptitude’s and interests.

Seeing the opening I dropped in a red pill. “You know when I was your age, there was a really important job option nobody ever talked about.”

”Really?” she asked. “What?”

”The job of taking care of the homefront,” I replied. “Supporting a husband so he could work while the wife took care of all the tasks that help keep life running smoothly like cooking, cleaning, gardening, and childcare.”

I explained when I was her age they told us what a “waste of our potential” staying home and taking care of things would be.

But as she has seen firsthand as the child of a “career mom,” what happens is that stuff either doesn’t get done or gets done on the margins.

I pointed out some people we know who have taken that path, and how well it has worked for themselves and their families. I explained how I often felt I had been sold a half truth, and that had I chosen a different path my life might have been far less stressful, difficult, and overwhelming.

I could tell she liked the idea that maybe she didn’t have to be a career gal like myself. That maybe there was another way.

She said she did want to have an education, and job skills, and to have some work experience, “just in case.” I used her former babysitter as an example of someone who had done just that, and how if her husband ever needed her to take the lead because he was ill or something, she had the education and marketable skills to do so.

It was a really good discussion and one I hope she factors in as she chooses her life path.

Time will tell. But at least she and I are having the discussions I wish someone would have had with me at her age.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Not Enough

28 Tuesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Fempire, Relationships

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Quote found elsewhere:

“The women of today don’t believe the men are manly enough, and the men of today don’t believe the women are womanly enough. Both are correct.”

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Pretty Little Lies

22 Wednesday Aug 2018

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A big part of the red pill involves unraveling all the pretty little lies we are told about how things work and are versus how things really work and really are. Often this occurs when those pretty little lies fall apart.

For men it may look something like this: All their lives they have been told that if they are good, kind, respectful, generous, sensitive, and so on that girls will like that, they will find a good girl, and live happily ever after. “Be a modern male,” they are told. Often this does not work as described and such men either don’t find girls as attracted to them as “bad boy” types or he does marry, does all the “right” things, and his wife is unhaaaapy and divorces him.

For women, it looks a little different. Women are told things like education and career should be their focus. Put off marriage and children. Be independent and self reliant, even in a relationship or marriage. You can do, be, and have it all. There are no limits. Don’t “waste” your potential. Etc. “Be a modern woman.”

I am simplifying as there are many many more layers than this. And many girls and later women work very hard to be and do all that. And it can even seem to be working or work somewhat. Society reinforces and props up the ideas on many levels, furthering the illusion. Yet for many women, despite doing and being all that, life doesn’t work “better” as described. A gnawing uneasiness develops as the mid-30s approach. The cause is often misunderstood. It couldn’t be the pretty little lies!

So she may double down, thinking more independence, career, self-reliance, etc. is what is needed. Maybe a divorce, sudden career change, or move is how it materializes. “Change,” becomes the answer. Perhaps it works short term. But as the decades pass, the discord between how it was supposed to work and how it’s actually working grows.

For many women in their early 40s and above, you are here. (It may occur earlier or later depending on situations and circumstances.)

A choice. Double down again, or admit maybe they were wrong? Maybe you were wrong?  There’s no going back, no do-over, just now. Maybe it’s time to start unraveling the pretty little lies? To reconstruct with what remains?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Busy

31 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill

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This is a busy time of year for me and will be for the next few months. As they say, one must make hay while the sun shines.

That said, at this time of year I can also really question the messages I received in early childhood and beyond. That it was all about having a career, being successful, being, “just like a man.”

Perhaps all that is possible minus children, and indeed before I had kids I focused mainly on building my career. But now I find myself in the situation that my busy season coincides with my kids summer break.

I sometimes try to picture what life as, “just a mom” would be like. Sadly it’s so foreign to me, and has never been my world, that I can’t really even picture it.  What would I do with all that time? Who would I “be” without my career? I really have no idea.

One of the big reasons I was encouraged to have a career was because it was supposed to provide a woman with freedom. Freedom from dependence, freedom from being left in the lurch, the freedom of being able to support oneself.

What they don’t tell you is it becomes a trap, too. Once you have a career, especially a successful one, people naturally expect you to continue. Having a career often involves significant investment (education, time, energy, etc.) walking away from that career means losing all that investment. And having a career does provide income, income you and others then often don’t feel you can give up once you have it.

Something else they don’t tell you is everything has a price. There’s no magical path of all upside.

My career has created revenue, yes, but has come at significant cost, as well. To both myself and others. It’s simply impossible to have it all. So I have a great career, but it takes away from other spheres (important, critical ones) no matter how hard I try to “balance” it all.

So is it really freedom? Is it really better?

These are the questions I ask myself as I pay others to take my kids swimming or to enjoy some summer fun while I work.

I guess i did it. I really am just like a man, at least in one way.  Men rarely get to take summer off, spend the days playing with their kids either.

Yay feminism.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Patriarchy

12 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill, Relationships

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When you hear the word patriarchy, what images and thoughts come up?

For many raised in a post-feminist world, images or thoughts of oppression, violence, anger, intolerance, abuse, toxic masculinity, and victimization may come to mind.

Yesterday I saw an example of patriarchy that defied all those images and labels. An example that perhaps more truly reflects the true concept of patriarchy.

I noticed the children first, at a small local family fun park where the girls and I had gone to spend a beautiful summer afternoon.

The kids ranged in age from about 17 down. There were lots of them, and they beamed with happiness and joy, good naturedly joking with each other, playing tag, and clearly enjoying themselves. There was a distinct innocence to them, a carefreeness and sense of absolute security.

They were all tastefully dressed, not overtly any distinct religious faith but also not in the latest fashions. Timeless but not at all out of fashion either. The girls wore girl cut T-shirt’s and skirts with Capri leggings underneath, and their faces were glowing and fresh but make-up free.  The boys wore T-shirt’s and shorts.

I could tell they were likely related because of their similar appearance and obvious close ties, I figured perhaps they were cousins.

A man not much older than myself followed the youngest girl, a cute and spunky little blond. She scrambled up to the top of a tall slide and fearlessly barreled down, calling to and waving to the man the whole way.

He laughed and beamed with pride. “Hard to believe she only weighed three pounds when she was born,” he said to me out of the blue. “She was 9 weeks early.”

“I was just thinking what a daredevil she is,” I replied. He beamed even more.

”She’s the youngest of 12,” he said, gesturing to the other kids who bounded around happily, playifully. “She’s three.”

“That’s fantastic!” I replied. “How old is the oldest?”

”Twenty-six,” he replied. “Ages 26 to 3!”

”Any grandkids yet?” I asked?

”The first is on the way this January,” he said.

”Congratulations!” I replied. He smiled a  lovingly proud smile.

The little girl then dashed off to the next activity and he followed at a close but not hovering distance.

Later in the evening I saw him and his wife. He tenderly held her arm as they steered through the crowd of people gathered on the grassy hill to enjoy a performance., heading back to their brood. They looked very content and happy.

I reflected on this couple and their children and thought how this patriarchy wasn’t as so often described — looked nothing like that, actually. It was remarkably refreshing, this family’s dynamic, I found myself wishing more families (of any and all sizes) today looked like that. Happy. Joyful. Secure.

Perhaps the patriarchy isn’t as it’s been portrayed? Perhaps there’s a much more positive side that is rarely celebrated or acknowledged today?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Making Our Dreams Come True…

24 Sunday Jun 2018

Posted by in Fempire, Red Pill

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While listening to a vintage top 40’s radio show rerun, a song I had completely forgotten about reminded me of a Single Independent Woman (SIW) sitcom I watched often during my childhood: Laverne and Shirley.

Does this song ring a bell? (I apologize in advance if it gets stuck in your head now! Lol.)

Let’s look at the lyrics:

Making Our Dreams Come True

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated
We’re gonna do it!

Give us any chance – we’ll take it
Read us any rule – we’ll break it
We’re gonna make our dreams come true…
Doin’ it our way

Nothin’s gonna turn us back now
Straight ahead and on the track now
We’re gonna make our dreams come true…
Doin’ it our way

There is nothing we won’t try

Never heard the word impossible
This time there’s no stopping us
We’re gonna do it

On your mark, get set and go now
Got a dream and we just know now 
We’re gonna make our dream come true
And we’ll do it our way – yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
And do it our way – yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you! 

This is how Wikipedia describes the show:

“Laverne & Shirley (originally Laverne DeFazio & Shirley Feeney) is an American television sitcom that ran for eight seasons on ABC from January 27, 1976, to May 10, 1983. A spin-off of Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley followed the lives of Laverne DeFazio (Penny Marshall) and Shirley Feeney (Cindy Williams), two friends and roommates who work as bottle-cappers in the fictitious Shotz Brewery in late 1950s Milwaukee, Wisconsin. From the sixth season onwards, the series’ setting changed to mid-1960s Burbank, California. Michael McKean and David Lander co-starred as their friends and neighbors Lenny and Squiggy, along with Eddie Mekka as Carmine Ragusa, Phil Foster as Laverne’s father Frank DeFazio, and Betty Garrett as the girls’ landlady Edna Babish.

Noted for its use of physical comedy, Laverne & Shirley became the most-watched American television program by its third season [emphasis mine], and was nominated for two Golden Globe Awards and a Primetime Emmy Award in 1979.”

I found myself wondering how much this show affected my impressionable young mind, and the minds of other girls of my generation?

I also wondered what a follow-up would show? What would Laverne and Shirley be up to now? How did their plan work out? What specifically was their “dream” and did it come true?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

It’s Not (Only) About You

21 Thursday Jun 2018

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For the past few decades girls and women have been encouraged to put their needs first. I believe the initial intent was to help women overcome being a doormat. But rather than come to the middle, balancing her needs with the needs of others, it seems in many cases women today think mostly of their own needs and little to none about the needs of others.

For example, I often see this in relationships. A woman will be talking about how she needs X, Y, and Z. She can pinpoint to the smallest nuance everything that’s lacking, wrong, or could change to make the relationship better for herself. And while this is good, what I rarely hear is a woman pondering what her partner may need, want, think, or feel.

In my previous post we find such a woman. And it literally destroyed her relationship. She was so focused on her own experience, she completely lost sight of the fact that the relationship did not exist solely to fulfill her every need, want, and every happiness but rather it was about BOTH of their needs, wants, and happiness.

It’s true that in the past women were often encouraged to think about others and what they might do to make them happier. But I don’t believe this was done to teach women not to think about themselves at all, I believe it was done to counteract the tendency of the female mind to see the world from her point of view alone.

If you find yourself ruminating, perturbed, or upset — try stepping back from focusing on what you need, feel, want, or wish and ask yourself what others involved may need, feel, want, or wish as well.

Healthy functional relationships are two way streets. Everybody gets and everybody gives. Sure at times one side may be giving or getting more than the other at a specific moment, but overall it should even out.

Balance. It’s not (only) about you.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Is Feminism Sexist?

07 Thursday Jun 2018

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An interesting contradiction I have long noticed about feminism is how anti-female it can be.

Consistantly female traits are discouraged while masculine traits are encouraged.

But isn’t telling women they will be more successful if they act more like men than women actually sexist?

And yet for years the equal rights movement has basically only been reinforcing the message that being a woman is NOT good.

Ironic? Wouldn’t it be better for a pro-women’s movement to actually be positive about being female?

I say better to really embrace and celebrate who you are than try to be a poor imitation of what you are not. And my observations have found women who are comfortable with their femininity are often more successful than those who perceive it as a negative they have to suppress or overcome.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

The Power of Gentle

05 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by in Fempire, Red Pill

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Something modern culture seems to have lost sight of is how masculine and feminine power can be quite different.

Like much about being feminine, feminine forms of power were branded as weak and inferior by those advocating women act more like men, “in order to be taken seriously.” Thus feminine forms of power were largely cast aside as outdated.

Today its more common to see women opting for masculine power techniques, even priding themselves on being ballsy, brash, and outspoken. However, these masculine forms of power don’t sit well on a woman.

It may be counterintuitive, but for a woman there is far more power in being gentle.

Maybe you know such a woman? She isn’t loud but yet people listen. She isn’t demanding but is given respect. She isn’t pushy but gets far.

Gentleness is so powerful for a woman for exactly the same reasons strength is so powerful for a man. It is the essence of femininity just as strength is the essence of masculinity. Yin and yang.

Perhaps it’s projection at play here? Women might be confusing what they see as strength in men as what men would see as strength in women? But the reality is, they don’t. Just like women don’t see feminine forms of power as strength in a man, despite the common modern sensitive guy trope. It’s repellant vs. attractive.

If you want to be more effective in your efforts, try a gentle approach. You might be surprised how much further it gets you than a more forceful “masculine” method.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

The Enjoli Girl

17 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Fempire

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I may be dating myself, but when I was a young girl there was a perfume commercial with a very catchy jingle that pretty much summed up the times.

It went:

“I can bring home the bacon

Fry it up in a pan

And never, ever let him forget he’s a man

Cause I’m a woman

Enjoli!”

Granted by today’s standards this song symbolizing the liberated modern woman  ideal of that time almost sounds sexist. Were it rewritten today it would likely leave out the frying things up in a pan, or never letting him forget he’s a man, but trust me, at the time it was edgy.

Fast forward to today. Studies show women are more dissatisfied with their lives than they were in generations past, marriage rates at at a 93-year low, depression and other mental health issues are at all time highs, and things haven’t quite panned out the way they were supposed to.

So now what? When do we stop demanding more rights and concessions and change, and start realizing that’s not the answer? Realize that maybe the plan was flawed, and trying to have it all and all at once was actually a set up to fail?

I wish I knew how to fix this big old mess. I think talking about it openly would be a great a start. And admitting what was supposed to be the answer has actually led to other problems, more problems, unforeseen problems.

Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it? If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!