• About

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Category Archives: Gender

Lady Killer 2

18 Saturday Aug 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 82 Comments

Tags

gender, gender roles, hunter gatherer, red pill, social construct

My killing spree continues, with hundreds — maybe thousands — of wasps, sugar ants, and now fall webworms (aka tent caterpillars but they are actually a different critter) on the list. I am still pretty conflicted about it all but am doing what needs done.

This was in stark contrast yesterday after asking my housepainter if we (he actually) could try blasting the higher up webworms from a large tree with his high powered pressure washer.

He, his son, and a friend’s husband gathered under the tree with a gleam in their eyes, cheering the process on as each webby mass filled with hundreds of caterpillars was anailiated. Rather than feeling bad about it, like I did the day before as I got the lowest nests out of the tree and drowned the caterpillars in a bucket of soapy water, they were clearly enjoying the caterpillar slaying.

The painter’s son, in his mid-20s, even asked me to video him blasting the webs so he could send it to his friends!

Granted, maybe not every guy would enjoy it as much as they did, but I take it as more evidence that gender is not a social construct. I truly seem to lack the hunter impulse and don’t approach the task with the gusto that these men did.  And yet, I recognize that gusto doesn’t need to be tamed, shamed, or labeled “toxic masculinity.”

Hunters and gatherers. I know which one I would rather be. I’ll take gathering any day! But I am also thankful that others embrace the hunter role. Viva la difference!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Lady Killer

03 Friday Aug 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill

≈ 45 Comments

Tags

gathering, gender roles, hunting, red pill, wasps

This week I have been in battle. I have killed hundreds, possibly thousands — of wasps.

For some reason they are especially bad this year. Nobody around can remember them building their papery nests in seemingly every crack and crevice like this. Stores are literally running out of wasp spray, people are buying it by the case.

Some ground dwelling type is altogether new. And especially aggressive. Several hover at the entrance, double dog daring anyone who comes near. If they feel it is too close they suddenly charge.

Maybe it was when I was mowing the lawn near a nest and one such scout wasp not only followed me across the yard but then flew up into my hair and lodged there, buzzing menacingly as I tried to shake it off that my switch flipped from “live and let live” to “sorry but this town ain’t big enough for the two of us.” Or maybe it was when it then flew up my shirt and stung me — twice — that I finally decided the wasps had to go. (Unlike bees, wasps can sting again and again, little f’ers!)

And they don’t just sting people! I have a sprinkler head that is leaking that they loved to hang out at like a little wasp oasis. So I turned off the water line until it can get fixed. Later that day I noticed two wasps on the now dry sprinkler head, attempting to sting it like mad, pissed as hell that it wasn’t dripping H2O any longer. Vicious!

I told myself it wasn’t just for my sake it had to be done. The wasps could sting the kids, or their friends, or others visiting. No, I could not look away and hope for the best any longer.

I asked around and got as many answers for how to take out their underground bunker as I asked people. Bury them. Drown them. Spray them. Light them on fire. The list went on and on.

Since I had a can of spray, I decided to try that first. After dusk when all the wasps were tucking away in their beds, I fumigated the tunnel. A heavy rock covering the opening ought to do, I thought.

The next morning not only had they dug out around the edges of the rock, they had made new exits to boot.

It was in the comments of a video of two guys lighting up an underground wasp nest that I got the next idea. As these guys found, while lighting the entrance up like a Fourth of July pyro’s dream might be satisfying, the commenter said doing so would suck the vapors up and out of the cavern, preventing a clean kill. Far better to pour 3-4 ounces in and simply put a rock on the opening till morning, they claimed.

Simple. Deadly. Relatively cheap. And I had it on hand. Perfect.

That night I doused two ground nests, once again putting a big rock on top of the exit. I would not know if I had won the battle until first light.

Low and behold the next day the hole in the ground that had actively  been a buzz with wasps coming and going the day before now showed no signs of life at all.

You’d think I would celebrate but instead I felt guilty. Didn’t they deserve to live as much as myself? Was it fair? Was I being waspist?

I doubt many men would fret one iota over doing what needed done. They might even use it as a bragging right.

I realized what another commenter had said about men and women’s moral reasoning being different based on ancient programming was true.

Most women don’t do well with killing stuff that needs killed. Men? They don’t seem to share that same inner conflict.

Perhaps there are specialized roles for a reason?

In any case I have since offed two more ground hives. I still don’t like doing it. But it’s got to be done.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Male Privilege

09 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 71 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, equality, inequality, male privilege, privilege, red pill, sexism

“Male Privilege is having lived one of the most dangerous and tiring existences in history and still being told that men have always had it easy.”

The quote above from an anon Internet source got me thinking… do women really want true “male privilege?”

The privilege to work long hours doing dangerous tasks requiring hard physical labor in all sorts of weather? Like my friend’s husband who is an electrical lineman, climbing poles to repair broken lines even in the middle of a storm with driving rain and 100 mph winds so the heaters and fridges and tv’s still work?

Or the privilege to be sent to war, drafted if need be? Like so many who fought and were either permanently physically or mentally disabled or killed in wars past and present, personally paying to protect the safety and liberty of all?

The privilege of being expected to throw oneself in harms way selflessly and sacrificially in the face of any and all natural disaster, strife, intruders, danger or threat of bodily harm?

The privilege of never being able to show pain, or weakness, or illness? Of having to remain stoic on the outside regardless of injury, hurt, fear, angst, depression, doubt, or other internal turmoil? Of knowing not doing so will more likely be met with repulsion or ridicule than support?

I could go on, but hopefully the point is made. Men don’t have it easier, they have it different. Any privilege they have comes at an equal or greater price. Perhaps there are perks to being male, but there are also heavy responsibilities. I doubt most women would truly make the trade.

I’d wager many women upset about male privilege and inequality only want what they see as the upside of being male, not the downside. But it doesn’t really work like that, even for the most privileged men, now does it?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Musings on a Post Social Construction World

20 Tuesday Feb 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill

≈ 59 Comments

Tags

culture, modern, red pill, social construct, social norms, society

Over the past few decades, we’ve gone from the belief that much of human behavior is determined by biology to the idea that humans begin as a blank slate and their behavior is largely learned, not predetermined.

It’s called a “social construction of reality,” this idea that we are who we are and think/believe like we do because we’ve been molded by outside forces and social/cultural norms, that these forces then determined our reality, who we become.

One example would be going from the idea that chromosomes determine gender, XX or XY,  to the idea that gender is something imposed and taught from the outside: girls and boys act the way they do  because they have been taught to act like and/or have been treated like girls or boys.

Except the idea has been pushed so far, the narrative has seemingly gone beyond social construction to post social construction.

Take the gender debate, for example. It’s gone from something that one is born, to something one is taught, to now something one chooses themselves, independently of biology or cultural forces.

This would mean gender is not a biological or social construct, but a self construct.

This shift dovetails into the also increasingly popular idea that each person is as unique as a snowflake, rather than the previously held ones that people are who they are due to genetics, or then culture.

However, logically the progression is an unstable one. In the first two models, it is not an individual choice — it’s either predetermined biologically (XX or XY) or predetermined by culture and those around you. To jump from that to its something that is decided at some point along the way by the individual themself (and could change at any time) is a radical departure from the two previous models.

And yet it’s being presented as a natural progression of, even another shade of, social construction.

I am not sure how or when that happened, but I suspect there’s little science but lots of emotion backing the view.

This is one obvious example of the rapidly shifting Overton Window of our time, but certainly not the only one. I find it interesting how it seemingly slipped in, unannounced, on the tails of social constructionalim.

What do you think? Are we now living in a post social construction world? And if so, when and how did that happen and what does that mean?

Are we born who we are, taught who we are, or choose who we are? Perhaps some combination of the three?

Please feel free to muse on the idea in the comments!

Dark Triad Game

30 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill, Relationships, Sex and Such

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

bad boys, dark triad, dating, game, marriage, red pill, relationship dynamics, relationships

A commenter suggested I check out season two episode 4 of The Crown on Netflix.

Well I just watched it and while there are many red pill moments, I believe he was referring to a really great example of dark triad game run on Princess Margaret, then the world’s most eligible woman.

The whole episode is good but it cuts to the chase around 37 minutes in, when the single princess shows up at a photographer’s studio, a man she met at a party who intrigued her with his bad boy vibe.

I’d highly recommend you watch it for yourself but his understanding of what makes Princess Margaret’s neurons flip is spot on. You can practically see her flinching from the tingles.

And it worked like a charm, because she ends up marrying him, having his kids, and bringing him into wealth and connections that help launch his already successful photography career over the top.

One could also argue how rather than be a moth to a flame Margaret would have been better off running for her life as the relationship soon turned into (surprise!) a disaster.

The two later have various affairs, get involved in drugs and heavy drinking, make each other miserable, and become the first royals to divorce since the days of Henry VIII.

Not surprisingly, the couple was celebrated as “progressive” and “real” and “bucking tradition” and “bringing the monarchy into the modern age.”

Despite the spin I do have to wonder, were the tingles worth it? For her? For their two kids? (who I wonder about, who was raising them while their parents were so busy being 60s/70s icons?)

The Dark Triad man is captivating indeed, thrilling and edgy. But there are two sides to him and what goes up must come down. Beware playing with fire, it burns.  The good times are usually far, far briefer than the bad.

What do you think? Please share in the comments. (And if you have Netflix, watch the clip!)

Nature is Sexist!

21 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, children, family, feminism, red pill, sex, sexism, society

There is a difference between sexism and biology. And before throwing down the “sexist” claim, it’s important to understand the difference.

Sexism is basically telling people (historically women) that they cannot do X, Y, or Z because of their sex. These things were possible, but due to social constraints were not “acceptable” and so they were forbidden. That’s sexism.

However, there are certain things in life that may appear sexist at first blush, but are actually biological constraints. These are not sexist, although they may be sex-specific.

Men cannot, for example, have babies. That is not sexist, that’s biology.

Or to make examining such things less heated, it’s often helpful to extrapolate from the animal world, from nature in general, to understand the difference between sexism and biology.

Besides the seahorse and Emperor penguin and a few other token examples, for the most part, by and large, it is the female of the species who does the bulk of the work rearing the young. Now one could fight it is not “fair” till the cows come home, but it simply is what it is.

Without mothering, most offspring simply do not survive or if they do they are confused and unprepared for what lies ahead.  Sure there are examples of animals who need no mothering or fathering (sea turtles, for example), but again if that’s the way they are biologically designed that is a far cry from it being a “choice.”

In the animal kingdom, none fight this. They simply go about life doing their biological role and everything works out great.

We humans, despite being the “most intelligent” species on the planet, seem to be the only ones who want to ignore biology and define it for ourselves.

It’s at most a fool’s errand. But people still do.

Let those who have ears hear!

Can you name some examples of this either in your life or that you have seen in the lives of others? Please share in the comments!

 

(Not) Forever Young

28 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 392 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, blue pill, dating, gender, red pill, relationships, womanhood

A comment on the last thread by Sergey points out one of the biggest issues with the “modern woman” script: In youth, the world is her oyster. Anything is possible, options are all open. But then unexpectedly it tops out around age 35. Once one is no longer a young woman, the path becomes murky… where does the path go from here?

He says:

“It’s the best time ever for Western women in their 20s/early 30s. After that, though, the options are the following:
* spinster – crushing loneliness and a feeling of self-inadequacy for most, except radical egoists;
* single mom – financial and emotional strains, a risk of problematic child, a sense of life wasted on upbringing the kids;
* divorcee – effectively one of the above, with bitterness of life wasted on wrong mate/stupid breakup on a whim;
* having a committed partner, without kids – generally trying to conceive, due to the strong social/biological pressure and time until fertility window close running out fast; child-free variety is probably one of the happiest combination;
* having a committed partner, with kids, without career – with life embittered by the sense of missing something other women presumable have (“a care-free single life”, professional achievements etc) – thanks to all that lib-fem messages they are daily bombarded with;
* having a committed partner, with kids and a career – have-it-alls; they have their problems as well, all too common self-shaming of “being a bad mother”, envy to ‘care-free’ lives of single women etc.

Self-contradicting mix of social messages sent to women by society (mostly other women, both “progressive” and “conservative”) seems to cause much harm. The lack of it, a sort of ‘each to her own’ relativism is no better: seems that women are somewhat wired to external validation, and the lack of praise/shame feedback to their choices confuses females even more.”

At one time the female life path was fairly defined. She’s a girl, a maiden, a young woman, a wife, a mother, an empty nester, a grandmother, a matriarch.

Yes the choices were limited, but perhaps that is as liberating as stifling? Studies show the more choices we have, the less satisfied we become, ironically. Without a clear path… is modern woman lost in the wilderness?

What do you think? Please share in the comments (while respecting the viewpoints of others.)

Are we Just Silly Girls, Or Not?

08 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire, Gender, Red Pill

≈ 93 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, equal rights, equality, feminism, red pill

A recent episode of someone getting off Scott free, seemingly because she is a girl and well while she was admittedly careless…that should be excused because…well…girl pass…got me thinking, how can women claim to be capable of being equals (much less leaders) when they don’t admit and take full responsibility for their mistakes? Or when society does not hold them to an equal standard, as well?

This builds on the last post — women need to choose if they are indeed really and willing to be full equals including all the downsides of that as well as the upsides, or we need to affirm that we are the weaker vessel and need/want the girl pass. What we can’t do is have it both ways, depending on convenience.

Personally, I recognize my limits. Not that I don’t take responsibility and accountability for my actions. I am equal in some ways, not even close in others. Such is life. And I am OK with that.

Discuss, debate… what do YOU think? And please, be civil to one another even in disagreement — it’s OK to agree to disagree. It’s not ok to attack, shame, name call, or bully. Not here, anyway. My blog, my rules! And I am waaaay too busy to babysit comments, so please behave.

Equal or Better?

06 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill

≈ 68 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, career woman, equal rights, equality, feminism, men's rights, women's rights

Have you ever noticed that women tend to be very selective about which parts of the equality pie they actually want when it comes to equal rights?

For example, women want to be doctors, lawyers, or CEOs, but I never have heard any woman question why garbage collectors are mostly men, or fight to bring that ratio closer to 50%. No. Women don’t want the downsides of being “just like a guy” only the upsides, only the gravy, or for the sweets people, the cherry on top.

Well sisters, that ain’t equality! Simple as.

As I have written about before, men do a lot of the suck jobs and the boring jobs and the dangerous jobs and the hard jobs that make life work. And they don’t expect a gold star for it. (But a sandwich and a smile and a “thank you” would sure go a long way.)

Also note, equality is not the same as extra rights. People don’t like to play with those who demand they get every toy in the sandbox and that everything always goes their way. For many women equal rights seems to be translating into “I can do whatever the hell I want and if you cry foul, you’re a sexist hater!” (Or worse.) The oppressed become the oppressor. Again, that’s not equal.

Anyway, talk amongst yourselves 🙂 What do YOU think equality is all about? Is it even possible? Ideal?

Men and Emotions

09 Monday May 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill

≈ 322 Comments

Tags

abuse, battle of the sexes, break ups, commitment, dating, divorce, emotional abuse, gender, love, male emotions, malemental health, men, men and depression, men and emotions, physical abuse, red pill, relationships, verbal abuse

Before I started following the manosphere, I pretty much believed the main stream media’s portrayal of male emotions — meaning namely that men have fewer emotions than women.

Turns out, it’s not true. Men actually feel emotions very deeply, perhaps even more deeply than women. But how those emotions are processed and expressed is different, so on the surface this can give the appearance that men do not have the emotional depth or breath that women do. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Women tend to express emotions outwardly, talking freely to friends, family, and others about their emotions. Men tend to express their emotions inwardly, presenting a stoic face to the world even when inside they may be feeling anything but.

According to the “Mental Health” chapter of a book I have been reading, “Is He Worth It: How to Spot the Hidden Traits of a Good Man” by Shawn T. Smith, PhD, statistics show that more women than men are diagnosed with and on treatments for mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. This on the surface seems to suggest that women have more mental health issues than men.

But the author goes on to explain when one looks at the bigger picture, men are more likely to engage in substance abuse (alcohol, food, gambling, drugs, etc.) and are a full four times more likely than women to commit suicide. When these factors are taken into account, women and men struggle with these issues at about the same overall percentages, he says.

The difference? Women are more likely to reach out to their doctor or to a mental health specialist for medication and/or therapy when they are feeling anxiety or depression than a man, while men are more likely to self medicate and/or (tragically) commit suicide as a way to cope with their depression or anxiety.

It’s unclear if this is due to a gender difference, a social acceptance difference, or a combination of factors. In general women reach out to others for support, mainly other women. Men often only reach out to their own partner for emotional support, and less frequently to other men or family members.

It’s important for women to understand these differences because many times what seems like relationship problems, a man who is grouchy, sullen, and non-responsive, and/or engaging in substance abuse despite thing seemingly going relatively OK, can often be the result of his feeling anxiety, depression, hurt, or fear in other areas in his life, such as at work, and those emotions are then translated into emotions such as anger or moodiness.

Too often women respond to the expressions of anger and moodiness by internalizing them, thinking it is about the relationship, when in fact it may be completely unrelated. I have personally experienced this, and have seen it in other couples. I have even seen this misunderstanding between male and female emotions lead to unnecessary divorce.

Instead, a woman can and should step back, not take such expressions personally, but consider if in fact they may be signs her man is struggling with anxiety, depression, fear, or hurt in some area of his life.  In this case, instead of engaging in conflict with him, taking a patient and empathetic approach combined with and some probing and problem solving may be a far more productive/constructive.

In other words, be a helpmate. Be on his team, rather than adding to his stress. You may be able to help. Or what may be needed is time for him to work it out with your support.

Maybe he needs to consider changing jobs? Maybe he is under too much financial pressure? Maybe he is under too much physical or psychological pressure? Maybe he needs to identify the cause and make some positive life changes that will lead to a resolution of the cause of his struggles?

I hate to admit this but it is true, when I was young and newly married, I almost entirely only considered my own experience, as many women do. What a mistake. I wish I had known this information earlier in life, so I could have been a help to my then husband in his struggle with his feelings about being in a dead-end, no-win, taken for granted job despite his being an excellent worker as well as understood better how his ex girlfriend cutting off contact between him and the child they had as teens were the cause of his drinking and detachment. Instead, like many women do, I was clueless he was even feeling those emotions and just assumed his moody, grumpy, sullen attitude was because he was unhappy with me.

Unfortunately this profound misunderstanding was a big cause of our marriage falling apart, because rather than realize he had for over 10 years been struggling internally with some very powerful emotions, I just assumed when no matter what I did things did not improve, that he just didn’t care to work on “our” problems.

Shortly after our divorce the company he worked for sold to another and he is now one of the most valuable members on their team. So much so the owner has taken him under his wing and is grooming him to be his successor. He’s finally being recognized as the true, loyal, hardworking employee he has always been. He’s also quit drinking, and has been clean and sober for many years. He reunited with his now grown son, and they have a relationship that brings them both great joy. He’s also remarried now, and he seems to be happily so.

I often ask myself “what if?” What if I had understood? What if I had reacted differently? What if I had waited just a little bit longer? But the truth is, I will never know. I can’t go back in time and undo what has been done. All I can do is acknowledge it, learn from it, and do different going forward. And I also hope my sharing this can perhaps help other women (and men) avoid the same outcome.

In short, men do have very deep emotions. When they are grouchy, sullen, angry, or withdrawn it’s often because he’s struggling with those emotions internally. Rather than add to his struggle, do your best to lighten it and to be a point of joy and refuge in his life. Men need their woman to be that.

Perhaps the men here would like to share… is this so, or if not, please share how so in the comments.

The more I learn, the more I see that men and women do not have to be enemies. In fact, I believe that together, as true partners, life is easier for both. It’s too bad society promotes a battle-of-the-sexes approach to remlationships, rather than a collaborative one. Luckily couples in the know can choose to be a team, rather than to be on opposite teams.

 

—————————–

(Please note: I am NOT recommending women silently endure abusive behavior from her man in hopes that things will improve. The above is referring to normal levels of anger, sullen, grouchy male behavior, not ongoing physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Likewise, men should not endure abusive behavior from women “because of emotions” either.)

 

← Older posts

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014

Categories

  • Faith
  • Fempire
  • Gender
  • parenting
  • Red Pill
  • Relationships
  • Sex and Such
  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Notes From a Red Pill Girl
    • Join 929 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Notes From a Red Pill Girl
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar