Women bemoaning the state of affairs between men and women today should stop blaming the guys for, “Not stepping up,” and start taking ownership for how the changes women collectively demanded unintentionally led to where we are today.

Before the division of labor was fairly straightforward: he earned the money, she ran the home. It wasn’t perfect perhaps, but people had more time off then, less angst, and lived pretty stable lives.

Enter feminism. “We want equal rights!” was the mantra of the day, but in reality it wasn’t about equality, it was about special rights. It was about wanting all the perceived upsides of being a man, plus a strong social safety net that would guarantee she’d win in any dispute or divorce settlement.  And there were plenty of social programs created to make sure if these independent women couldn’t be truly independent, the State could step in as Daddy govt.

Well, men aren’t blind, or stupid. For the first few decades they tried to play along, until it became all too obvious they were the automatic losers in this new social order. No other person can be discriminated against anymore *except* the “privileged” white male. So much for equality.

Problem was, those supposed “ebul guys” were by and large the same ones who had built a functioning and safe society now being torn apart.  They were shamed. Divorce raped. Accused of assault and other crimes for minor infractions (like “he looked at me!” Or “I did it at the time but regretted it later so that’s his fault!”) And then, they checked out.

It wasn’t a movement. There was no rallying cry. Most knew nothing of the red pill or the manosphere. But they knew it was a game they couldn’t win, so one by one they dropped out.

Instead of looking to marry and raise children they accepted serial monogamy or open relationships. Instead of building a career they worked just enough to support their hobbies and lifestyle. And instead of building a safe and secure world for women, they started to just build a safe and secure world for themselves.

So rather than shame them for being, “basement dwelling losers,” it may be time to realize they have come up with a new way to win. Checking out.

Careful what you wish for. You may find you have to live life as a single independent self supporting female responsible for her own financial security and retirement as well as fixing whatever breaks, whether you want to or not.

Checkmate!

Let those with ears hear.

A friend and I were talking today about the current state of affairs, and it suddenly occurred to us that the Dr. Spock, everybody is special, everyone is a winner philosophy has backfired.

While well intended, the reality is there is no participation trophy in life. Teaching children that there is doesn’t make them stronger, more confident, and more resilient. It turns them into weak, whiny, entitled adults.

The fact is, nobody is special. Or at least not any more special than anyone else. There are winners and there are losers. The winners don’t win out of some supposed privilege, they win because they worked harder, prepared more, and pursued their goals relentlessly.

I have known people born into incredible wealth and advantage who ended up accomplishing little more than getting disinherited, and I know other people born into great disadvantage who have done very well in life.

I think children would be far better served by telling them the truth: If you want something, you have to earn it. Be better than anyone else and you will.

Let those who have ears hear.

If you want a relationship that works in a world that doesn’t, my advice is to watch the winners. And not only watch them, but watch and learn.

I know quite a few such couples and in every case the wife works to stay attractive, is within acceptable BMI ratio, has a pleasant and upbeat attitude, never badtalks her man, and while no doormat, clearly sees her man as the respected lead. And, gasp, rather than oppress them, their husbands honor them.

In return these women have very nice, relatively worry free lives. They are financially secure thanks to years of working alongside their husbands (rather than against him), and have a stable and safe happy future to look forward to.

Sure, I know plenty of the opposite. But what is there to learn there, except maybe what NOT to do?

Look around for the happily married women in your life and aim to be like them if you wish to be happily married yourself. They may not be as easy to spot as the train wrecks and drama queens, but they make a much better case to study if your goal is relationship success.

Let those with ears hear.

A very wise person once said to me, “If you have to ask certain questions, there’s your answer.”

Two gals I know are asking themselves, “Will he commit?”

In one case he’s divorced, lives at home with his adult children he still parents like they are eight, and disappears for sometimes days at a time. They have been dating several years.

In the other case he’s never married, cheated on his last girlfriend with the current one, has never not cheated in a relationship, and wants kids she can’t have. They have been dating over six months.

From the outside I can clearly see both guys are not interested in commitment beyond what things already are (regular and easily accessible sex), or at least not commitment to these gals.

Now to be fair, both of these gals have poor emotional control, which I am sure counts against them in the commitment offer. Jealousy, ultimatums, spinning hamsters… not things most guys want to deal with beyond a few hours.

My advice? Don’t be like them. Don’t be in relationships that you don’t understand “what this is.” Don’t try to demand, manipulate, guilt, or control a guy into what you want. If it’s not clear he’s committed, then I hate to say it but he’s not. As they say, “don’t waste the pretty” and move on. Do whatever self work is needed to be a gal guys will want to commit to and then seek a commitment minded guy.

If you have to ask, there’s your answer.

Let those with ears hear.

The other day a gal was going on and on about being broke, then revealed her hubby was trying to help her but bragged she was “too independent” to accept his financial help.

What???

I was flabbergasted. And I know this idea is by no means uncommon, but as someone who has done it alone for so long, I could not grasp why on earth someone would choose to have a negative bank account balance when they don’t have to? Why would she take such a stand? Why not be two people rowing one boat? Why not depend on your man? (Depend does not equal drain, btw.)

Independance is overrated, imho.

Thoughts? Please share in the comments.

In her manosphere, betas get a lot of flack. But should they?

Recently I have gotten to know such a guy, married to a gal I have just started working with. Let’s call him Bob, because he reminds me very much of the cartoon character Bob the Builder.

Bob is not tall, maybe 5’8″. He’s stocky and solidly built, not fat but muscular wo being a bodybuilder type. He’s not bad looking but also not strikingly handsome. He’s a good solid average guy.

Bob has a high energy level and runs the maintenance dept. for a large construction firm. Because he likes to be working, moving, and doing he says his recent promotion to lead guy is kind of a drag because now he’s the one scheduling the work instead of doing the work. But Bob goes along, and channels his energy into after work and weekend projects, plus lots of site visits during the week to get out of the cube.

Recently I had a big event going on, and there was lots to get done to be ready. Bob’s wife was going to be there, so Bob just started coming along to support his wife’s new venture. He’s such a rock for her, ready and waiting to help her shine.

Well that wasn’t enough to keep Bob occupied, so all on his own he started looking around my place and finding stuff to do. Day after day there was Bob, smiling and happily mowing, weed wacking, pulling weeds, building and fixing stuff, organizing tools, etc. He never asked for any pay, and refused it when I offered. He just liked to be busy and to help, he said. And be there for his wife.

There he was, Like clockwork, not asking for anything but happily giving his time and energy to make sure things went smoothly, we were ready, and things were a success. And thanks in large part to him, it did, we were and and it was.

Guys like Bob may not be chick magnets, and I bet Bob would be flabbergasted if a woman did try to hit on him, nor can I imagine him cheating on his wife, but guys like Bob make great husbands and mates.  They really are the unsung, under appreciated heros of a world that works and hums along, lights on and water running.

Ladies, a wise woman does not overlook a guy like Bob as a life mate. He may not be Alpha man of the group, but with appreciation and encouragement, he makes a fine Alpha for his gal. She will never lack for anything and he’ll be there ready and waiting to make sure their world is functioning smoothly, with a smile of quiet satisfaction for a job well done on his face.

Let those with ears hear.

I know we spend a lot of time here discussing how women today should be less casual about sex. But is there a time when a woman should be a slut?

Yes!

Women should be shameless and total sluts with their husbands after marriage!

Ladies, if you are married, don’t let yourself slip into a sexless state. You should be having sex on the regular! Quickies, long drawn out sexpisodes, and everything in between! Daily, or even multiple times a day.

In fact, the only time you shouldn’t be getting it on after marriage is when your husband is not around, or with anyone else.  Then, of course, you shouldn’t! But when he is, there’s no excuse.

When your man approaches and you “aren’t in the mood” don’t give him the rebuff. Instead go with the flow and chances are you will come around. Read naughty books. Fantasize. Diddle with yourself. Buy some lube. Get a toy. Wear sexy panties. Do whatever needed to get your engine fired up so you can’t wait to attack him. Go ahead. Get in touch with your inner hussy!

Too many women these days get it backwards, they have lots of sex before marriage but little sex after. No! That’s getting the whole thing wrong! Even the Bible says so!

In short, chastity should be the goal prior to marriage, but after marriage you should be a complete slut for your man. Always and often.

To ask a man (or, less often, for a man to ask a woman) to commit to you and you alone, and then to deny them sex is downright cruel. Nobody should get married and then expect fidelity AND celibacy!

Also, find out what HE likes and be sure to work that in often, never just approach married sex like it’s all about you. Show or tell him what gets you off, too. Don’t put it all on him. Take responsibility!

So ladies, if you aren’t being a total slut after marriage, it’s time to start! And if past baggage is getting in the way, you’ve got hang ups, you are overworking yourself, or whatever, take responsibility for fixing whatever it is and make a robust and active married sex life a priority! Why? Your marriage will be much happier and more secure for it. And bonus: your husband will worship you and think what a great wife he has, especially when all his friends complain about their own sexless marriage!

Again, before marriage don’t be a slut. After marriage, go for it!

Yes, I did say that! Lol.

Let those with ears hear.

How many times have we seen it in movies and in real life? A gal, fretting, wondering after a night of casual sex, “Will he call? Is he THE ONE?”

Not to be a spoiler, but the answer is most likely, “No” on both counts.

Young gals today are told, “be sexually liberated,”  and that doing so is healthy, empowered, and fun. Except when he doesn’t call, it’s not fun. In the red pill world it’s called, “getting pumped and dumped” and it’s not a good thing.

If one even has to ask, “Will he call?” they are missing the point. Because really, if a gal isn’t certain he will, and that he is (and just as important, he clearly WANTS to be) THE ONE, she should be keeping her pants on.

Ladies, do yourself a favor. Skip the, “Will he call?” nonsense and wait for your forever guy. He’ll be glad you did, and you will save yourself a whole lot of pain and emotional damage, too.

Sure, you may not date as much. You may not have all those stories to tell. Still, it’s better. Because while getting pumped by a hot guy may be fun, getting dumped by one sure isn’t. If you don’t believe me, just ask your broken-hearted gal pal checking her phone in vain.

Let those with ears hear.

Today I saw a meme that said:

Girls seek attention

Women seek respect

Simple but yet so profound.

Yesterday at work, I was visiting with three other gals, one a co-worker and two customers. And I had an insight.

The four of us spanned two decades, the youngest was 33, the oldest 53. In between were my co-worker at 36 and myself at 46.

We weren’t talking about anything particularly heavy, just chit chat about fashion, trends, makeup, and the like. But as we talked, something dawned on me — the one doing most of the talking, in fact talking over the rest, was the 33-year-old. She seemed to think she knew it all, cutting the rest of us off mid sentence without a thought.

Of the four of us she was the least physically fit, and not to be mean, but the least attractive. Frumpy would be how I would describe her. What a shame, I thought, as I noticed despite her being the youngest chronolically, she was likely the oldest in “real age.” She was unmarried, but sadly already matronly.

The 53-year-old was sporty and athletic, with that naturally muscular and lean look of a runner. A mother of three boys, she was active and it showed. She was well put together, tasteful and age appropriate, but not at all over the hill. For her age, I’d say she’s likely in the top 20 percent. She revealed that every year since she was young, she takes a photo on her birthday in a bikini to document for herself her life. Interesting!

I could work on building muscle, and know I need to do so if I want to be healthy in my golden years, and I could eat better too, but thanks to my own labor intense work and inability to be still for long, I am more fit than most my age, and at most 5-8 pounds from ideal. I am naturally curvy and feminine, hourglass, and I try to dress in a way to accent that. I am a tomboy, not afraid to dig in the dirt, but I can also spiff it up and carry off pearls and lace.

The 36-year-old is fit and is always well put together and professional. Despite three children she shows no signs of hitting the wall. She recently remarried to a very attractive man — aged 24! And they seem very happy. I can already see them with grey hair, holding hands, still in love.

And then the 33-year-old. Soft, but in a not good way. Probably 15-20 pounds overweight. She wore her hair long, but it was unstyled and hung unattractively around her face. Her clothes were ill fitting, not flattering to her pear shape. She bragged about almost never wearing makeup.

She reminded me of myself at her age even, downplaying her looks and dressing androgenously in order to, “not be a sex object, but to be taken seriously.” Like her, I too used to believe I knew it all, only to discover with age I knew a lot less than I thought. I talked a lot more than I listened.

It’s the folly of many a young woman today, dressing down in youth and talking over those she could be learning from. What a shame.

One by one we all stopped trying to add to the conversation, and soon she had the floor, yapping about fashion and style as if she were the authority.

Young ladies, if I could give you some advice? It’s no crime to be pretty, and look your best. It’s much easier in youth than it will ever be, so why wait? Take care of yourself and your body. It will pay off for decades. And listen more than you talk. Consider that others with more experience might be happy to help you avoid the many pitfalls in life, if you will only listen.

Let those who have ears hear!