It’s a Guy Thing


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A guy friend I have known since college but had lost touch with recently reached out bc he’s going through a mid life crisis of sorts and is struggling with depression.

Why? He’s in an unfulfilling dead-bedroom marriage. Among other things. (He didn’t actually say the dead-bedroom part, but I can read between the lines.) He’s also tiring of pulling the plow. Without reward.

Then he said he feels bad because he’s attracted to other women and feels bad about his thoughts.

I told him Ton stories for a bit to make him feel better. I reassured him his thoughts were no match for Ton’s daily, and that it’s ok. Ton would approve of his efforts to think such thoughts.

Guys look at chicks and if the chicks are hot they probably think about banging them. I reassured him all guys (or most guys anyway, 98%) feel the same. It’s what guys do. It’s normal, even if everybody says it’s not.

He seemed relieved at the idea, completely blue pill and church raised good boy that he is. (Then I dropped the name and number of a guy counselor I know who would be a good person to talk to him about this bc I cannot. I figured Ton was unavailable lol. )

And yes ladies, surprise —  guys who talk to you probably want to bang you. This guy maybe wants to bang me (or his memory of me, lol!) Won’t happen, of course, but if he didn’t want to maybe I would think something were wrong. With me or with him. Because, like it or not that’s how it works. Always has. Always will.

Just like if a woman was not thinking like all women do about men, admit it or not, I would be shocked. (What they are thinking is a topic for a whole other post but it’s basically, “What are you offering in exchange? Is it better than other offers?” Real, or much more likely, imagined?)

Spoiler alert it’s either top-possible provision and protection or top-possible tingles. Ideally both but unicorns are rare so… just like it’s the rare guy who actually gets to (gladly) bang every woman he wants to with them also all being totally super down with that, no strings attached, most women don’t get their 100% list either. Um yeah. Most everyone else (M and F) settles for some version thereof they can live with. Supply and demand. Reality.

In short nobody says it but men and women have competing yet complimentary initiatives. It’s maybe “ugly” and “unacceptable” to some but it is what has built civilizations. Always has. Always will.

In fact without it, civilization probably won’t get built (let’s also face it as long as we are calling out taboos, mostly by men who want to bang chicks in exchange) at all. We are almost here now. Google MTGOW if you don’t believe me. Or Japanese herbivores.


I doubt that any of that will be appearing on a “wuv u!!!” greeting card anytime soon so that is why we all have plausible deniability. Because if we all admitted all this, well that would ruin the romance! Wouldn’t it? Lol.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!



A Red Pill (Not Red Pill) Moment

Random but interesting moment today.

I was at a local mini mart. My daughter laughed and pointed at a sign on the car next to us. It was a funny sign, and it just so happened to be for something I needed to fix on my place years ago but have been putting off.

So I waved and honked and then after the guy rolled down his window explained how I was wondering if I could get a bid? He asked where I lived? Turned out he lives in my same area. And had the time. And so he showed up and looked at the situation.

In the meantime, as he measured and figured, he for whatever reason started sharing his life story. (It has happened to me for decades, not sure why, but people tell me stuff they say nobody else knows, I always feel so lucky even if sometimes people tell me too much. Or stuff I wish I didn’t know. But they do.)

So he told me how he was born and raised in the same faith as my kids former babysitter. But he said when he went to college he was exposed to ideas he had no idea at the time were so detrimental.

Like a darkness they grew. He confessed he stopped believing, became atheist, yet still knew playing along ment jobs and connections. So he did.

And yet, he said nihilism set in. A dark hour of the soul. And that for the first time, without higher belief, he understood in a way he never had before how people could not care, could in fact become a danger (like in a “how could this ever happen to innocent people who have nothing to do with it?” danger in the worst case and in a “enjoy the fall poolside, bring popcorn” person in the less worst case danger.)

So I can imagine only his surprise when I said I totally got it. Understood. And that it was only in my 40s myself that I realized I had been sold a bum deal my whole life. “Strong independent female” etc.

And that I agreed, society was degenerating daily in a way I could never have imagined even possible ten years ago. And that I did not understand. Or see going anywhere good.

He said in 1855-some his church predicted this — that men would become women and that women would become men.

And then more recently (3o-some years ago) his church predicted that right would become wrong and what was once considered wrong would become right. That it would flip.

And that there would be years of darkness and then it would be followed by an awakening.

Finally he wrapped up his measuring and figuring and gave me a bid. It was more than reasonable and I hope to hire him soon. I get the idea he would do an amazing job.

Anyway I am not sure what the point is except I am sure he’s likely never heard of the red pill. Yet he has clearly taken it. I found that interesting indeed.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!




Put Yourself in His Shoes


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So often when I hear women talking of finding a guy they are quick to list all of the many qualities and requirements they want — the must-have list.

Naturally the list of often quite demanding. She only wants the best, after all!

Often if I ask her what she has to offer, I am met with a confused look and radio silence. Big mistake.

A woman who is serious about meeting and marrying a guy who is what every other gal also hopes to find would be foolish not to put herself in his shoes and consider if she is what a guy such as that would be seeking? Does she even know what that is?

And as many guys like that readily admit, the answer is usually, “No.”

Add to that the legal environment is not set up to favor, much less equally protect, him in the case of divorce and child custody, combined with a lifetime of observing this harsh reality in the lives of the men around them, such men today are even more wary of becoming a husband and father.

So he’s facing a dating pool of women who eagerly rattle off checklists of all he must be and do, who at the same time have little to no understanding of what he wants or needs, and meanwhile his odds are the same as flipping a coin that if he marries and has kids that he’ll end up in divorce court vs. that lasting a lifetime. Can you see why he may not be saying, “Sign me up!”

One can dismiss this inconvenient truth all she likes, blame his commitment phobia, or demand he needs to, “Man up!” But guess what? That’s not going to get her any closer to her goal.

A savvy gal instead becomes singleminded in figuring out what a guy like that is looking for and does all she can to develop herself and those qualities. The earlier in life she does this, the better.

Such women are exceedingly rare, some might call them unicorns. But in that rareness they stand out like a precious jewel — the kind of woman every guy is looking for.

See how that’s a two-way street? Yep.

Let those who have ears hear!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.



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Ok maybe I am getting jaded, but who else is really buying this?

I know they are going for the feel-good story here. And for everyone involved’s sake I hope it’s true.

But her SEVENTH marriage and his FOURTH? But this time, of course, it’s different, it’s the real deal.

Really? True love forever (TLF) or is that too late fools??!!??? (TLF)

I suppose if nothing else, I guess it shows hope springs eternal. Even in my most jaded of thoughts on the topic, I hope I am wrong about them and this. But I would not bet money on it, so I guess not hopeful enough. Although at their ages the odds a divorce will be finalized before…. (wow, I really AM getting jaded!!!)

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Self elimination, lack of education


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I know a gal, super entitled, who married into a major land-owning family in my area. Like 500+acres owning.

The family she married into has already put their land into trust. Those who continue the line will continue to inherit what has been built.

Still she says she will never have children. Wants to get her tubes tied. Blah, blah, blah me, me, me! As she said all this, for his family’s sake I agreed — get those tubes tied! You go sista!

Because as she and I wrapped up a group business meeting at a local watering hole, she was already cozying up to a guy at the bar who was by every indication a total cad at best.

Her husband’s family strongly objected to the marriage and held it off even for several years. But she (and he) prevailed.

I find it tragic but also illuminating that rather than secure her position via future generations she seems hell bent on not only terminating that for herself but also her husband, who is currently the oldest son of the oldest son.

Hopefully  the cad boys will be there for her. But probably not.

When she bails I have a feeling the oldest son will find a more than willing life mate to secure his future line.

If he can believe in it then, that is.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!





A Red Pill Valentine’s


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Ahhh, Valentines Day. A day wrought with high expectations. I heard once more couples fight on Valentines than not. I am not sure it’s true, but if so it wouldn’t surprise me.

Many times Valentine’s is focused on, “What did I get?” Not, “What can I give?”

This Valentine’s take a different approach. Instead of picking apart your relationship, or the day, or having high expectations of the dozen roses and right restaurant and the blah blah blah, focus on the good.

Focus on how YOU can show love, appreciation, and gratitude. And the many things big and small you have to be greatful for.  Forget what’s missing, focus on what’s there. Everybody’s Valentines Day will be better off for it.

And if you are alone this Valentines, also try to focus on what you have not what you don’t. I bet there is someone you could show love to and for today even if it’s not romantic love. Doing so will make their day and yours much better than focusing on what’s missing.

Happy Valentine’s folks! I love you! Each and every one! Thank you for reading this! Thank you for all the wisdom and caring and concern you have shared, given, and shown for me over the years! I appreciate it and YOU!


What do you think about Valentines? Please share in the comments!

Another Marriage Done


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The other day I ran into a gal I don’t know super well and had not seen in awhile. I always liked her and her husband, a very striking couple with three picture perfect girls. They seemed happy in the photos on Facebook of them hiking, or in sappy happy anniversary posts to each other, or photos with the kids. She was active in church. Volunteered at the school. Seemed to have a very good life.

That’s why I was shocked to bump into her the other day and have her break the news they have divorced, but everything is good, and both are happier. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to talk then but she wants to get together soon.

The youngest daughter just went off to college. (The mom is very attractive and young looking, my guess is they started their family young. She was in the Air Force when they met, so maybe she’s older than I think but… anyway…) I hate to predict this but my guess is she’s doing some version of empty nest, “Eat, Pray, Love.”

I wanted to tell her. Warn her. Advise her to go back and do whatever it takes to preserve her marriage. But I could tell by the hopeful gleam in her eye as she shared the news,  she probably wouldn’t get it.

I suspect, like many do, she thinks I love being a strong independent female.

I think she will be surprised. I wonder if I won’t be.

Very sad.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Outrage Fatigue?


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Ok, I know I have not been writing much lately. But it’s not because I don’t feel the same, or don’t care.

It’s maybe because I am just slightly ahead of the post-outrage curve. Not peak outrage. More like —  I am over it outrage. Or maybe never even was outraged, except at the nonsensical outrage. Outrage fatigue?

Like facial razor companies complaining about testoserone? Um… yeah… awkward and obviously in so many ways — not a good strategy. But you go, razor company!!! Die on that hill, if you must. I’ve got better things to do.

Like live my life. Pardon me for not caring. I just can’t relate. I really don’t care about your outrage. Meh.

(Boys acting like boys?!? Girls acting like girls?!? Omg!!! Refreshing TBH!!!)

Anyway… here’s the link.

How about you? Over it? Outraged? Just discovering the red pill? Please share in the comments!

Name One Good Thing


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OK  guys — New Year, time to switch things up a bit so let’s do something different — instead of calling out the many things that are not so good these days, how about we each name at least one GOOD thing big or small, silly or serious, yin or yang, but whatever it is, something GOOD about your day, your life, the world, whatever! Go!

Ok I will start — preying mantis. Talk about cool! There was one on my porch the other day (they are not so common here, and especially in winter) and it looked at me and I looked at it, and I pointed it out to my daughters, and then they looked at it and it looked at them and I wasn’t sure who was watching who. If you have never seen one in real life, they are probably the closest thing to an alien I can think of and they seem to be almost zen in touch with the world, all knowing. And who knows — maybe they have it figured out better than an we do! And they eat bad bugs. That’s good, too! (And, I had forgotten but it’s true the female sometimes eats the male after mating, that is not good and was not why I choose this example! Sorry!)

This video shows another side to them we did not see that day, apparently they are little bada$$es! Who knew! See for yourself (I think even the Ton would think it’s good!)

Ok your turn! Please share in the comments. You are by no means limited to one good thing. Feel free to name as many as you want!

Can’t be black pill all the time, or even red pill, right?!? Lol!

Go! If you usually read but don’t post, I double dog dare you to add a good thing to the mix, too!


Wandering Through Smoking Wreckage

Not long after I stumbled upon the manosphere and the Red Pill, a (rather dour tbh) regular of the blog I frequented at the time said something that really stuck with me.

“We are all just wandering through the smoking wreckage.”

Yep.We may not have detonated the bomb, or had any say in the plan way back when, but here we are today, now almost 50 years later, wandering through the smoking wreckage.

The idyllic past is gone, if it ever existed,  anyway. The present is a s#itshow, pardon my language. And so? Now that we find ourselves here, now, like it or not, what next?

Well there are really three choices. Denial. Nihilism. Or facing and making some personal best of the tactical reality on the ground. Ok, choice four is some version of self-destruction, but I would not suggest it. So let’s just cross that option off the list.

Maybe you had a perfect childhood. Maybe not. Maybe you have the lucky golden path. If you are reading this my guess is you (like 98% of us) did not. And even if you had both, it still might not be working out. Welcome to here, now. And so?

Chances are you can’t change it much, really, on a scale larger than yourself. Maybe you can but probably not really. Or not because that was your main goal.

The opportunities are in the margins, as they say. So rather than trying to fix anyone else much less the world, maybe just start by making something out of the smoking wreckage for you and yours.

What that will look like is highly individual, but it probably involves some version of what worked for centuries before the “modern way” and your own personal situation.

For some it may be going your own way. For others it may mean some form of long term commitment on whatever terms (legally committed, or committed without legal terms, or something inbetween.) For others, it may be something that others don’t understand but that works for those involved. Obviously there are more possible scenarios than I can ever name here. You know your own situation, limits, negotiables and and non-negotiables better than me.

In short: accept the past path is gone, feel free to reject the current path that’s got a 50/50 chance at best, and sift through and build the best version of tomorrow for your situation as you can, from among the smoking wreckage and options realistically available, based upon your personal pros and cons.

Speaking of, if your personal situation is more con than pro, start there. Nobody can fix you or save you. Take responsibility for your own stuff. Figure out what hasn’t worked and why and what parts of that are yours and yours to change.  Understand. Make those changes. Be what you yourself would expect from others. Don’t expect it all but bring little to none to the table.

Its true that despite all that, things may not work out as you hoped or planned. But doing more than 80% of others are surely can’t hurt your odds of crafting a life versus blindly and naively hoping for the best.

There’s not much among the smoking wreckage to work with, true. But at least if you know what it is you are trying to achieve and then are actually, actively, and ongoingly taking steps to get there it has got to lead to better odds than dumb luck or random chance. Or in the very least will help you avoid what you absolutely don’t want.

It’s far from ideal, it’s true. But it is what it is. Accepting that and then making the best of it as you can based on the options available and within your control is really the only viable path I can see. Rebuilding from rubble isn’t ideal or easy. But if it’s rubble you’ve got, and sticking with that isn’t what you want, what other options do you have? Start sifting and build what you can, or forget building and accept your choice without blame or bitterness.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!