Be Solution Oriented


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It’s easy to point out what’s wrong. Anyone can do that. Push beyond…

Be solution oriented.  Figure out how to fix what’s wrong, or if it can’t be fixed how to live with it.

This will put you in the top 20%. And help you fix or accept things. And help others fix or accept things.

Be the solution, not part of (pointing out or part of) the problem.

80% of people can point out (or are part of) the problems already and while they may (or may not) mean well, it’s not solving anything.

Solve it or accept it is what it is. Pointing it out without any solution just frustrates everyone.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

AWALT: A Cautionary Tale


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(And So my college friend from a few posts back is in for an interesting day tomorrow.

He updated me today that the friend of a friend who was looking to branch swing  (being blue pill this was news to him) that he was sexting on Faceboook but stopped talking to and who he hasn’t responded to for months has friended his wife on FB and is going to have his wife (who does waxing) wax her who-ha tomorrow.

Um, yeah… how cray is that?

He says he DGAF. But knowing the guilt ridden blue pill churchman guy he is, I wonder. I hope if it all melts down he is true to himself. If he is, it may be for the first time in his life.

I did warn him the FB gal has a motive here, and that’s to blow up his life so she can use him as a resource. His wife (who also sounds more cluster B by the moment— she tried to run him over w a car and regularly physically and emotionally abuses him, sadly — I 100% believe his actions are not the way out btw — but I can also see why he would be wide open to this other gal working him) also doesn’t want to lose her resource (He is a union craftsman making $70+ per hour 40 hrs. a week guaranteed whether he works or not, plus bennies and retirement. Who-ha waxing don’t pay that!)

[OT: Plug for young men to consider a union trade — I hear the halls are empty and have jobs unfilled! They will train!]

Anyway, I did implore him to be safe and maybe consider changing the locks and texting his wife he’s done, send someone for her things. Shits hit the fan, go w it. He said that was his thinking, already.

If he’s going to be the villain anyway, may as well go all in. Go big or go home, right? The people who matter will understand and the people that don’t will no longer be part of his life.

They have no kids. But the do have a dog, that she got for him shortly after she tried to run him over w her car. He said maybe they could share custody of the dog. I was like, “AYFKM?!?!” Fuck her. It’s his dog.

Maybe he is a jerk, maybe not. Maybe I am a jerk, maybe not. But being physically abused is a no in my book. Tried to run you over w a car? Ummm, yeah should have filed charges and a restraining order and then for divorce when that perfect out presented itself — but I understand abuse victims (and yes they can be and are male) don’t always see the forest for the trees they are mired in.

Anyway AWALT. Cautionary tale. No woman sextes a guy (married or not) wo expecting something. Much less gives it up in person. She may say no strings but trust me, the strings are there. Always.

Women trade sex for resources. Like it or not. Admit it or not. It’s as old as time. AWALT.

Any woman would be stupid not to, IMHO. Controversial? Yes. Bad advice woman to woman? No. (Not that I am advocating this level of frat but it’s a shit test and a mighty one.)

Red pill men get this — that milk ain’t free. Not even from a professional (but it may be more openly admitted and for a known price… maybe.)

Just know AWALT. Why? Survival. That’s why. It’s baked into the sauce.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.






Can You Avoid The Wall?


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There’s a concept in the manosphere called, “the wall.” It’s basically defined as the point where a woman’s youth and beauty (and the powerful sway they had) have peaked and are diminishing.

At what age this happens can vary on a multitude of factors. For some women it happens early in life. (Think the former beauty nobody recognizes at her ten year class reunion.) For others, and less often, it comes late in the game. In some cases it can be a sudden change, in others a gradual slide.

Chances are no women completely avoids the wall (I wonder what Christy Brinkley looks like in person, minus the airbrushing?) but there are factors that can if not avoid it, soften the impact.

1. Genetics

Some people just age more slowly and/or better than others. This is why men often joke before marrying a girl, it’s good to take a long hard look at her mom to see what she may look like in 20+ years.  One can’t do much to change genetics except know the likely issues (tendency toward weight gain, wrinkle prone skin, etc.) and take steps to offset them.

2. Lifestyle

A gal I know who was absolutely stunning at 18 had destroyed her looks and appeal before she was 26 with a lifestyle of heavy drinking, drug use, and a party lifestyle. She seemed to age 5 years for every one. Sadly even after she cleaned up, the damage was done and she remains a shadow of her former self. Tanning, tobacco use, and other age-accelerating lifestyle choices can speed the pace toward the wall, while good habits established early in life can forestall it.

3. Attitude

I know women who are still the center of attention well past “the wall.” Even young men are captivated by them, perhaps not as potential romantic partners but their draw is unmistakable and not solely attributed to their physical appearance. They often share a good attitude — they are charming, man-friendly, bubbly, and seem to shine from within.

4. Character

Another quality such women seem to share is they have character — their identity and worth are not based solely on their physical appearance but on their personality, wit, skills, and integrity. They are much more than a pretty face or nice figure, and have other valued or desirable qualities that aren’t diminished by time and age.

5. Feminimity

Women who lean toward the feminine often weather “the wall” better than those who don’t. Kindness, meekness, gentleness, grace, modesty, goodness, manners, self-control, beauty, charm, and poise are attractive qualities in a woman of any age.  Often men describe such women as, “true ladies.” They are so rare in a crass and base world that they stand out, even when they aren’t trying to.

6. The “It” Factor

Women who remain very appealing long after youth and beauty fade have an elusive “it” factor that is very hard to describe. Men are drawn to them. Men fawn over them. Men seek them out in a crowded room. Men notice them. Men remember them fondly. Men enjoy their company. These are the type of women men just can’t seem to resist, and while there may be an underlying admiration or attraction, it’s not simply or solely sex appeal. Often the connection is completely platonic, almost idealistic. They simply like her and like being around her. Men feel lifted up after interacting with her, as if refreshed and rejuvenated from the weight of the world.   Such a woman brings out his best and highest masculine qualities, makes him want to be a better man, inspires him to build, create, do, and be all he can. When the draw is romantic, fortunes, empires, legends, monuments, and masterpieces have been made or built because of and for such women.

What do you think? Do you know or have you ever met a woman who seems to avoid the wall? Please share in the comments.

(p.s. this article does not mean to deny the wall or even say women who weather it well have the same appeal in middle age and beyond as they did in youth. It’s just something I see now and again, certainly not often, and so I wanted to write about it to encourage women to try and be a woman like that. While some of it is luck, much of it can also be cultivated.)




Is Marriage Done?


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Back in the early 90s, when I was in my early 20s, a friend’s wife, who was from England, surprised me by saying that in England marriage was out of fashion.

She went on to explain in a largely agnostic culture, marriage was viewed as, “just a piece of paper.”

Couples preferred to shack up and just declare themselves together versus getting married. When it didn’t work out, the couple simply split without the need for lawyers and a messy divorce.

At the time I could not imagine how that would work, maybe if there weren’t children involved, but the whole thing seemed very noncommittal to me.

Now 20 years later and I am seeing a similar trend in the United States. I am not sure the reasoning is the same, although living together without marriage is now common and even encouraged.  Here I think it is more driven by girls being told, “Don’t settle down too soon.”

Ironically, the couples I do see marrying are often each other’s only significant partner, high school sweethearts, if you will. They are usually in their early to mid 20s, many report being together nine years or longer.

As I spoke to one such couple a few weeks ago, both exceptionally attractive and he clearly a natural alpha,  I found myself wondering if these would be the only couples of their generation to marry? (Her dad was beaming at the future son-in-law, obviously very happy with his 9+ Supermodel-pretty daughter’s pick.)

First love is strong, especially so for a male. I think the advice to young girls to, “explore” may not be good advice. She may never again find such absolute devotion. Do they tell her that, too?

I suppose we will only truly know in many decades what becomes of these young lovers versus those who wait.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!


Why People Have Affairs


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Well I am sure none of my regular readers will be surprised by this, but the  college guy friend who reached out that I wrote about in two posts back tried to cross the line into turning our friendly talks into an online affair.

Thanks to the schooling from the red pill guys over the past few years, I knew this was coming.

And also thanks to them, I can understand what he’s feeling and why he would take this route. And I was ready when he did.

”Can I send you a picture?” He asked.

“Of?” I asked.

“I feel kinda silly,” he said.

“If it is inappropriate, don’t send it,” I said.

”Ok, sorry,” he said.

Then I said I understand what he’s feeling, and even what he’s trying to do, because I felt it myself when I was unhappily married. But that an affair was not the solution, facing what he’s avoiding, his bad marriage, is.

I know this may sound funny but a lot of times people have affairs as a way to stay in a bad marriage. I know that may not make sense but it’s true.

The affair distracts them from the problem and makes them feel good short term. But in the long run they end up feeling much worse.  And if the affair is discovered, it is hugely embarrassing and devastating for all involved.

My life is complicated enough, as I always say.  And I don’t want to enable him to continue to avoid his real problem.  And of course, I would never do that to my guy. Nor would I want to do that to his wife. Even if I was single. Nope. Not happening. Not even for the tingles!  (Sorry tingles, you never give good advice!)

He said he’s scared to be alone. I said well I guess it is up to him to decide is it worse to be alone, or to feel so stuck and unhappy he thinks of suicide as a way out.   And I reminded him, there’s the third option that maybe he can like Horseman did go from unhappily married to now very happily married.

I am actually glad he reached out to me so that  I had the chance to say all this. And to try to help him find a real solution.

I sent him the name and number of a male therapist I know who I think can really help him sort out how he got into a marriage he says he never wanted, and then help him decide what now? Not marriage counseling. Personal counseling.

Now not all therapists are alike and so going to one can sometimes make things worse not better, but I know this one well and I know he will give this guy good guidance. Red pill style.

I hope he calls him. He said he would. I guess time will tell.

And hopefully he keeps talking. But just like Hercules, the answer to anything illicit is now and always will be, “Isn’t my life complicated enough?” Yes it is. No need to throw illicit affairs into the mix, thanks, flattered, nothing personal, but that’s a NO.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!



The recent abortion law signed in New York brought up an interesting discussion in our home.

I figured my oldest, now in high school, was old enough to learn about the topic of choice.

I described the law in minimal words and without any hint where I stood or how I felt about it.

As she asked questions, one stood out, “What about when the mother’s life is at risk?”

She was surprised, as was I when I had first read the same, that doctors said in reply to the law there is no medical condition after 25 weeks gestation (the age when a baby can now survive outside the womb with preemie care) that requires a choice between mom or baby. None.


So what is the reason for the law, if not to save the mother’s life?

At that point, we switched topics to a former preschool teacher and her son, whom she and her husband adopted after discovering a medication her own mother took in pregnancy had made her born infertile.

The boy’s birth mom (or biological mom) was a single mom with two kids already. When she found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy, she choose to place the baby for adoption. As part of the open adoption agreement she received an annual letter with highlights of her birth son’s year and photos showing he was happy and well.

He’s in college now, and has had a wonderful life. His adoptive parents love him dearly.  My daughter knows them all personally and has seen what a wonderful family they are.

I didn’t even have to say it, how differently that would have turned out for all involved had the boy’s biological mother chosen differently.

Luckily for all involved his biological mom chose to carry the baby to term and place him for adoption.

She choose to think of others, not what was most convienent for herself. I am sure it was not an easy choice. But for all involved I am certainly glad she made it.

Then I brought up Steve Jobs, creator of her iPhone. Adopted. How different the world would have been, for example, had Steve Jobs not lived? Imagine. No Apple technology. No Apple. Would Bill Gates have been pushed to the heights he was without his nemisis Jobs? Would anyone ever made a computer in their garage without Jobs? Maybe not. Imagine. (And yes I know girls and their smart phones is oft discussed negatively in the manosphere, so I suppose some could argue not everything Jobs created was helpful. Lol. But that’s a different post.)

I hope she remembers this conversation if she herself (God forbid) ever faces an unplanned pregnancy. And if so, I hope she remembers it’s bigger than her.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

It’s a Guy Thing


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A guy friend I have known since college but had lost touch with recently reached out bc he’s going through a mid life crisis of sorts and is struggling with depression.

Why? He’s in an unfulfilling dead-bedroom marriage. Among other things. (He didn’t actually say the dead-bedroom part, but I can read between the lines.) He’s also tiring of pulling the plow. Without reward.

Then he said he feels bad because he’s attracted to other women and feels bad about his thoughts.

I told him Ton stories for a bit to make him feel better. I reassured him his thoughts were no match for Ton’s daily, and that it’s ok. Ton would approve of his efforts to think such thoughts.

Guys look at chicks and if the chicks are hot they probably think about banging them. I reassured him all guys (or most guys anyway, 98%) feel the same. It’s what guys do. It’s normal, even if everybody says it’s not.

He seemed relieved at the idea, completely blue pill and church raised good boy that he is. (Then I dropped the name and number of a guy counselor I know who would be a good person to talk to him about this bc I cannot. I figured Ton was unavailable lol. )

And yes ladies, surprise —  guys who talk to you probably want to bang you. This guy maybe wants to bang me (or his memory of me, lol!) Won’t happen, of course, but if he didn’t want to maybe I would think something were wrong. With me or with him. Because, like it or not that’s how it works. Always has. Always will.

Just like if a woman was not thinking like all women do about men, admit it or not, I would be shocked. (What they are thinking is a topic for a whole other post but it’s basically, “What are you offering in exchange? Is it better than other offers?” Real, or much more likely, imagined?)

Spoiler alert it’s either top-possible provision and protection or top-possible tingles. Ideally both but unicorns are rare so… just like it’s the rare guy who actually gets to (gladly) bang every woman he wants to with them also all being totally super down with that, no strings attached, most women don’t get their 100% list either. Um yeah. Most everyone else (M and F) settles for some version thereof they can live with. Supply and demand. Reality.

In short nobody says it but men and women have competing yet complimentary initiatives. It’s maybe “ugly” and “unacceptable” to some but it is what has built civilizations. Always has. Always will.

In fact without it, civilization probably won’t get built (let’s also face it as long as we are calling out taboos, mostly by men who want to bang chicks in exchange) at all. We are almost here now. Google MTGOW if you don’t believe me. Or Japanese herbivores.


I doubt that any of that will be appearing on a “wuv u!!!” greeting card anytime soon so that is why we all have plausible deniability. Because if we all admitted all this, well that would ruin the romance! Wouldn’t it? Lol.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!



A Red Pill (Not Red Pill) Moment

Random but interesting moment today.

I was at a local mini mart. My daughter laughed and pointed at a sign on the car next to us. It was a funny sign, and it just so happened to be for something I needed to fix on my place years ago but have been putting off.

So I waved and honked and then after the guy rolled down his window explained how I was wondering if I could get a bid? He asked where I lived? Turned out he lives in my same area. And had the time. And so he showed up and looked at the situation.

In the meantime, as he measured and figured, he for whatever reason started sharing his life story. (It has happened to me for decades, not sure why, but people tell me stuff they say nobody else knows, I always feel so lucky even if sometimes people tell me too much. Or stuff I wish I didn’t know. But they do.)

So he told me how he was born and raised in the same faith as my kids former babysitter. But he said when he went to college he was exposed to ideas he had no idea at the time were so detrimental.

Like a darkness they grew. He confessed he stopped believing, became atheist, yet still knew playing along ment jobs and connections. So he did.

And yet, he said nihilism set in. A dark hour of the soul. And that for the first time, without higher belief, he understood in a way he never had before how people could not care, could in fact become a danger (like in a “how could this ever happen to innocent people who have nothing to do with it?” danger in the worst case and in a “enjoy the fall poolside, bring popcorn” person in the less worst case danger.)

So I can imagine only his surprise when I said I totally got it. Understood. And that it was only in my 40s myself that I realized I had been sold a bum deal my whole life. “Strong independent female” etc.

And that I agreed, society was degenerating daily in a way I could never have imagined even possible ten years ago. And that I did not understand. Or see going anywhere good.

He said in 1855-some his church predicted this — that men would become women and that women would become men.

And then more recently (3o-some years ago) his church predicted that right would become wrong and what was once considered wrong would become right. That it would flip.

And that there would be years of darkness and then it would be followed by an awakening.

Finally he wrapped up his measuring and figuring and gave me a bid. It was more than reasonable and I hope to hire him soon. I get the idea he would do an amazing job.

Anyway I am not sure what the point is except I am sure he’s likely never heard of the red pill. Yet he has clearly taken it. I found that interesting indeed.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!




Put Yourself in His Shoes


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So often when I hear women talking of finding a guy they are quick to list all of the many qualities and requirements they want — the must-have list.

Naturally the list of often quite demanding. She only wants the best, after all!

Often if I ask her what she has to offer, I am met with a confused look and radio silence. Big mistake.

A woman who is serious about meeting and marrying a guy who is what every other gal also hopes to find would be foolish not to put herself in his shoes and consider if she is what a guy such as that would be seeking? Does she even know what that is?

And as many guys like that readily admit, the answer is usually, “No.”

Add to that the legal environment is not set up to favor, much less equally protect, him in the case of divorce and child custody, combined with a lifetime of observing this harsh reality in the lives of the men around them, such men today are even more wary of becoming a husband and father.

So he’s facing a dating pool of women who eagerly rattle off checklists of all he must be and do, who at the same time have little to no understanding of what he wants or needs, and meanwhile his odds are the same as flipping a coin that if he marries and has kids that he’ll end up in divorce court vs. that lasting a lifetime. Can you see why he may not be saying, “Sign me up!”

One can dismiss this inconvenient truth all she likes, blame his commitment phobia, or demand he needs to, “Man up!” But guess what? That’s not going to get her any closer to her goal.

A savvy gal instead becomes singleminded in figuring out what a guy like that is looking for and does all she can to develop herself and those qualities. The earlier in life she does this, the better.

Such women are exceedingly rare, some might call them unicorns. But in that rareness they stand out like a precious jewel — the kind of woman every guy is looking for.

See how that’s a two-way street? Yep.

Let those who have ears hear!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.