Bimbo is a Bad Word

I am not sure exactly when or how it happened, but many women today are acting much like bimbos.

Thing is being a bimbo is a bad thing to be, or it used to be widely understood as such.

Bimbos go for loser guys who break their hearts. They dress and act in ways that draw the wrong sort of attention. Bimbos are unfaithful. Bimbos can’t control themselves or their emotions. Their choices and actions eventually lead to poverty, misery, and aloneness. Bimbos make bad choices time and again but don’t seem to learn from their mistakes.

Don’t kid yourself, being a bimbo is not the new black. It’s no better than it ever was, and it’s not working any better than it ever did.

How did the women’s movement lead to more bimbos and less women of character? Ironic, isn’t it?

 

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Don’t Lose the War

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A comment about quarrelsome disrespectful women by regular commenter Deti had me thinking how many women err by trying to win every battle, then lose the war.

He says:
All I can tell you is this:

When a man’s wife or long term woman disrespects him one too many times, whatever existed before is completely destroyed. Gone. Whatever he felt for her – gone. Whatever he was willing to do for her before, he’s no longer willing to do, or capable of doing. Everything. Gone. Leveled. Not one stone left standing on stone.

And he never forgets it. Oh, he can forgive. He can move on. You can even move on together. But the things you said, the things you did, to destroy it all, are never forgotten. Not ever. Some things you say, you cannot unsay. You can’t take them back. Some things you do cannot be undone. That history will always be there. Always. It will never ever go away. It will always color the way he sees you. You will be forever different to him.

He can, and probably will, get past it eventually. Your relationship might survive. But whatever it was before will not be again. You will have to reconstruct everything. What is built back will not look like what was before. Many times, it will not look anything like what it was before. And you will have to live with that. Or not.

A man can take a lot of disrespect from a woman. And he can go a long time with it. But when you get to “too much” or “one too many times”, it’s done. DONE. OVER. You’ve knocked it all down, destroyed it all. And whatever was before, will never be again.

Perhaps a little food for thought for womenfolk as they wisely and prudently consider their men.

I have seen this happen in marriages where the woman is constantly nagging, harping, and threatening to leave. Over time the husband just checks out. He may remain married but the love and caring and wanting to do for her is gone. Dead marriage walking.

In other cases I have seen this with a single fatal blow, such as an affair or a particularly nasty fight where things are said in anger that change everything forever.

Its not a good place to be and it is avoidable. Ponder Deti’s words well, you don’t want to win the battle but lose the war.

Let those with ears hear.

Don’t Be a Victim

Women today likely have more rights, protection, and power than any other time in history. But yet, in many circles, women are sold the story that they are suffering every single day from oppression, sexism, and powerlessness.

Finally, someone is speaking out about the danger of the victim narrative. Sure enough, being constantly told or believing you are a victim leads to feelings of anxiety and helplessness.

Of course it would! If one is on edge, seeing everyday situations as microaggressions and assaults, it only makes sense this would not lead to confidence, empowerment, or stability.

So why does the narrative persist? Maybe because to give up victimhood means having to take ownership of ones success or failure rather than blaming “outside forces” beyond one’s control.

But trust me on this, much better to own your life than to believe it floats in some capricious wind, ready to be snatched away or defeated the moment you begin to win.

In reality, (the far majority of) men are not out to get you. They are not trying to hold you down, take away from your success, or control and oppress you. They are actually facing more systemic discrimination than you are, in today’s culture.

Yep. Males of European descent are now the ONLY group that it’s completely socially sanctioned to discriminate against. Is that really equality? Or reverse oppression?

It’s time for women to let go of the victim label and either sink or swim. We wanted equality, well here it is. And yes, it pretty much is both better and sucks in different ways.

Welcome to reality.

Let those with ears hear.

 

Heed the Captain’s Orders

A simple interaction between Dancer and her guy led me to reflect how women could improve their relationships by viewing their guy as the captain (and themselves as the co-captain) rather than as equals.

They had just been working in the rain and were getting ready to drive (for her first time) up to his house for the weekend.

“Go change into some dry clothes and dry your hair,” he said, not in any way bossy, but direct and matter of fact.

She said, “No, it’s ok, I am fine. I don’t need dry clothes.”

Now maybe she was trying to be not difficult by just living with the wet clothes but instead she annoyed him.

“Dancer, go change into dry clothes.” By this time I could see it was an order not a request. Still, she repeated she was fine and it wasn’t necessary. She wasn’t trying to be difficult, but she was.

He gave her THE LOOK. She went and changed. I grabbed them some cookies for the road, which he gladly accepted.

While she was changing he explained he didn’t understand why everything had to be “a fight.” All he wanted was her to be dry so they didn’t have to drive for two hours in a fogged up truck.

Its really not that hard to just follow the Captain’s orders, is it? Even if he doesn’t explain they why behind it, or it doesn’t make sense, or seems unnecessary. So long as it’s not going to cause any imminent harm, why not? Doing so will improve your standing in your man’s eyes as well as reduce frustration and unnecessary strife.

Let those who have ears hear.

Russian Guys

Much has been written in the manosphere of the feminine nature of Eastern European women, so I thought I would share a recent run in with the Russian-born guy.

Marco and Sergio are in their mid to late 40s, and we became acquaintances when I replied to an ad for a refurbished washer dryer set. After an email and a phone call I felt the situation was on the up and up and I set up a time to have the units delivered and installed. (And my old set hauled away, including the washer stuck on extra small load for over two years! Ug. Bye bye!)

Marco is the mastermind of the pair, not good looking, not fit, but very very smart. I get the sense no matter what one needed, Marco is “the guy” who could make the connection. To be “in” with Marco clearly opens doors and makes life easier. In addition to wheeling and dealing in appliances of all sorts, this Serbian is also a real estate investor who specializes in flipping properties in multiple states.

Marco liked Dancer and I so much he returned the following day with his pretty and demure Ukrainian wife, and their three young sons. He’s obviously proud and fond of his wife, and I noticed no attitude or drama from her toward Dancer and I. She treated us as esteemed sisters, not rivals (which we are not but some women see all women as such, especially non married women, so her attitude was refreshing.)

Sergio is the looker and smooth talker of the two. From Uzbekistan initially, but proudly American now. He reminds me of Zeus and his sons, confident, flirty, and very self assured. He’s good looking and he knows it. He’s the sales guy of the two.

Sergio is married as well. Widowed once, with four children, and now a second wife who has two of her own. He proudly showed us photos of his strikingly beautiful wife and his middle daughter, proudly bragging how people confuse them as sisters (and they do look very alike!) plus photos of the whole clan. I joked soon the tribe will be much larger as grand babies arrive, (two so far) and I swear he preened!

Now don’t get me wrong, none of it was one bit inappropriate, but just as men speak of the feminine ease of Russian and Eastern European women, the men are likewise at ease with their masculinity. Marco and Sergio took the stage w Dancer and I but never did we feel oppressed or suppressed, rather it was a natural, playful, innocent, and easy banter.

I have never been completely at ease with the manosphere definition of Alphas and betas but I would say these two men are both Alpha but perhaps of different types. Marco is a financial/connection Alpha, while Sergio is more of a natural sort.

I have a feeling we will see them all again, and I look forward to observing them more.

The untamed masculine male, unapologetic, unencumbeted, at ease with his maleness. That’s what I saw with at least these two. I wonder if their women are so feminine in natural reaction to the masculine. Hard to say. But interesting to ponder.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Musical Chairs

I was reading an article at a popular manosphere site that made the observation that  most of the happily married couples and relationships are those that formed early in life. While the author was speaking of men, it’s something I have noticed to be true for women, too.

Someone here posted a video once that illustrated the idea well. (I think it was Fuzzie?) In it the social experiment showed the most desirable and attractive people in a group tended to pair up early and first, with the rest being left with an ever diminishing quality of choice, much like a game of musical chairs.

Conventional blue pill wisdom over the past few decades has encouraged both women and men to put off “settling down.” But as many women (and men) are finding, once one is over 25, 30, or 35, or 40… the chairs diminish increasingly rapidly.

I often jokingly tell young gal pals not to wait until there are only broken chairs left. But in reality it’s not a joke — I have seen the more failed relationships, hurts, betrayals, and such people undergo, the less bright eyed and bushy tailed they can be about the “next” potential mate.

Don’t wait too long. If you have waited, get serious about your search. Or be left standing. That’s the cold, hard reality of the situation, no matter what advice the “modern” world gives.

You only have one life. Play your cards well and win. Or don’t, and don’t. I’d recommend having a plan and working it, myself. Just like the stock market, the tried and true way to win is to NOT do what everyone else is.

Let those who have ears hear.

It Can be Easy

I recently met a woman who exemplifies how it can be easy, if a gal has her head on straight.

My friend is an attractive gal, mid-50s, married 30 years, recently retired, has plenty of financial security, a husband who still adores her, and a happy life filled with travel to visit children, grandchildren, family, and friends.

The other day Dancer, my older daughter, and I were visiting with her while her hubby was fixing something at my place, and I asked her how did they meet?

She said she worked in an office job and was going to manicure school then (she was 24.) An older lady in her office invited her over to her house, under the pretense of having her nails done for practice.

When the woman got up to wash her nails, she noticed her single 29-year-old neighbor across the street, mowing his lawn. So she called out to him to come over, as she had a doll she wanted him to meet.

He waved and continued mowing, while my friend said she turned bright red from embarrassment. Soon he finished up, and the neighbor gal again called out, offering him a popsicle as she knew he liked sweets. So he walked over, and was then embarrassed himself as he thought the neighbor lady said “dog” not “doll.”

He could not take his eyes off her. After some small talk, the neighbor insisted they go see all he had done to his backyard. My friend was amazed and impressed by his immaculate lawn and his obvious care and pride in things.

My friend said she knew right then he would be her husband and he knew right then she’d be his wife. He wasn’t the guy she had pictured (tall and blonde) but his short stature and dark hair did not matter, she just knew.

They dated briefly and married soon after. They have had tough times, like all marriages, but not so tough that they don’t still obviously adore each other.

Dancer and I sat there enthralled at the tale. Then I asked, “What color was the popsicle?” My friend said red. Without my even having to say, Dancer jumped up and ran to the kitchen and returned with two red popsicles. My friend laughed, took them, and went off to meet her man for a break. I hope it was a romantic flashback!

Sometimes it works, simply and easily. And I love to see it when it does! I am glad my daughter got to hear that story.

Let those with ears hear.

 

The (f)utility of man

It’s been said in the manosphere that men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. Yesterday, I saw opportunistic loving up close, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

My new roomie was once again bemoaning her (failed) SIW fate, openly berating her boyfriend of four years for not “manning up” and making all of her problems disappear. In one breath he went from the man of her dreams to a worthless piece of shit.

Shocked at her attitude, I played devil’s advocate. What hadn’t he done, I asked, besides not bailed her out of her own self-created debt and lack of financial planning? Did he owe her that? Did anyone?

On and on she ranted, completely oblivious to how she was speaking of him as a thing rather than a person. She callously blamed him for being downsized at the end of his career, ten years short of retirement, from a high paying executive level job. Instead of any empathy she only expressed disgust at how he had been unable to secure similar work since, at how he had in her opinion misspent his money on his children and himself since, at how every penny not directed HER way was a major crime in her eyes.

Rather than in any way understanding how such a life event might be devastating or demoralizing for HIM, she ranted and raved how it all affected HER. How it ruined HER plan. She pondered aloud how perhaps she should just move on, his utility to her apparently done. She “deserved more,” she said.

It was so sad, so unattractive, so unsupportive. I could only imagine what she must say to him, and it pained me to think what insult to injury it must be. What kind of co-captain would such a woman make? And how could she not see how her own entitled “me, me, me” behavior made it highly unlikely any such offer would be forthcoming.

When I reflected back to her what I saw, she seemed unable to comprehend that it was not HIS responsibility to solve her problems, and that perhaps rather than emasculate and eviserate him for his lack of reemployment she might try to support and encourage him in HIS time of need.

I don’t think any of it got through, nor that she was even listening to anything I said, so wrapped up in her pity party was she. It made me thankful I wasn’t a man, and that I wouldn’t be “loved” like that. Sad. Truly sad.

Let those who have ears hear.

Develop a Growth Mindset

My youngest came home with an assignment from school the other day illustrating the concept of having, “a growth mindset.”

In short the idea is simple, instead of telling yourself self-defeating or self-limiting messages, take a growth mindset to the areas you currently struggle in, whatever those may be.

In her case it was school-based — whether the struggle was reading, math, writing, or PE, instead of thinking, “I can’t” or “I am not good at” the kids were encouraged to think positively, “I can and will do better. I can do better with practice and if I don’t give up.”

It’s a better mindset than, “halfway is good enough,” or “I am just not a natural so why try?” In reality the secret to winning in life is often simply not giving up until you reach the finish line. Day after day.

Maybe not everyone can be a math major, or a Nobel prize winning author, or an astronaught, or whatever, but everyone can strive to do their best with what they have been given, both talents and weaknesses.

There is always room for improvement. And isn’t taking a positive approach to the struggles of life far better than a negative one?

Let those with ears hear.