Be Mine, Valentine

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Today I happened to be walking out of a store at the same time the local high school was getting out. I saw multiple teen boys with bouquets of flowers in hand, obviously headed off to present them to someone.

They looked so young, so hopeful, so eager. I hope the gals the flowers will go to will be gentle with their hearts and realize it’s an honor when a man asks her to, “Be mine, Valentine.”

I have heard many men in the manosphere say they never loved again like they loved their first love. And for some whose first love broke their heart, the recovery can take years, if ever.

Ladies, if you have a man bringing your flowers today, be good and true to him!  In turn, he will gladly move mountains for you!

Let those with ears hear.

Head Games Don’t Pay Off

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have written about my former neighbor I nicknamed Vixen before more than once. Last time I wrote about her she was about to have a baby, and was torn between the dad who wouldn’t commit and the beta orbiter who would.

The baby is now almost 10 months old and sure is a cute little guy! He has a very even temperament and is the “easy baby” all moms hope for. I think God knew what she could handle, and cut her a lot of slack!

She still continues to waffle between the two choices, never fully committing or detaching from either one. So things continue to be a cluster.

The other night I had a little red pill heart to heart with her, and explained that a big reasons she (and her kids) are in the situation she’s in is due to her fence sitting. In classic projection she’s the one who is really unwilling to commit to either path 100%, not them, and the longer it goes on the more damage is being done.

Honestly I am surprised they both have not given up on her by now, but from what I see both guys are willing to commit to her *IF* she would commit to them. But she can’t decide, and that is the problem.

The baby’s father has a great job but it is and always has been in a different state. He comes home frequently, but as he has explained to her multiple times if he were to take a job closer to home, he’d be taking a 2/3 pay cut as well.

He’s got an Alpha temperament and so the more she tries to bend him to her will, the more distance he puts between them. I have met him and seen them interact and she constantly “shit tests” him whenever he comes home for the weekend. His reaction? He doesn’t want to be around her, and so he leaves.

As I watched her once again bring up the tired old, “We wouldn’t fight if you were here, it’s your job that is the problem,” yada yada last time he visited, I could not help but interrupt, “Haven’t we had this fight already?” (Not to mention in front of myself and the kids!)

He’s made it pretty clear he is more than willing to pay her rent and commit to her *if* she will stop the nagging and fighting and would drop the orbiter. And yet she just can’t seem to stop herself, even when it leads to him breaking things off and dating other women for awhile, which he has done. He’s a good guy but he simply is not going to tolerate her behavior.

Her beta orbiter is also a great guy. But she says as much as she wishes she felt “tingles” with him, she doesn’t. He’s too available, too ready to run to her aid, too willing to put up with her nonsense. It kills  her attraction but he just can’t seem to stop himself. He’s holding on in hopes that he will be the last guy standing in the end.

During our red pill talk I asked her which one she wanted. She said the baby’s father, ideally, which I also agree now that baby is here and he is willing if she can learn to curb her tongue. But I explained to her he would never be all in unless she was too. And that means cutting off the beta orbiter and his “help” 100% completely. And of course all other potential orbiters or relationships with single men who are attracted to her.

I also pointed out that her behavior was driving him away, and that rather than fight with him every time he comes to town, maybe she should welcome him, make a fuss, treat him like a king, and not complain. Make her place somewhere he can’t wait to get to rather than run away from.

He’s got the opportunity to transfer to an equal job here within the next six months.  So I suggested she spend the next six months cementing the relationship than continue to play foolish games. Cut off the other guy completely in the meantime, as his involvement and help only makes things more confusing. She simply can’t have both. She agreed it made sense.

Then, this weekend, just two days after our talk she spent most of her time with guess who? The beta orbiter. Ug!

I didn’t say anything, but she knows what I think. She’s playing with fire and it’s going to end up with her and her kids getting burned I am afraid.

She has taken note of my own long distance relationship, also due to work constraints. Rather than fight with him and make it an issue, I patiently wait because I realize it is in both of our best interest he ride out the next few years to get a full retirement that will be a huge benefit to us both! In the meantime we are in frequent contact, never fight, and see each other as often as his leave time allows. On weekends I stay home and I stay away from “friendships” with single guys because I don’t want him to even have to question where I stand. I have chosen him and that’s that. I do all I can to prove I am a good bet rather than play games and try to make him prove himself to me! He’s all in, but I know he would not be if I were not, too! (And I respect that!)

The bottom line is men don’t share. They just don’t. And men don’t like a bunch of drama either. Her own behavior is why she is single and has a commitment from nobody, while meanwhile I don’t have a care in the world and all is swell! I know she’s watching how I am handling my own situation differently, and I hope it will click for her, although honestly there’s already a LOT of damage done in the last 2-3 years she’s played games. I don’t see how either relationship could ever be what it fully could have been had she not played games. I wonder if she will ever get that?

What do you think? Have you ever seen a woman try to run a relationship as if she is an Alpha male? Except she isn’t, so the plate spinning and jealousy does not work in her favor? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

(Personally I think both guys should RUN!!! But softie that I am, I still hope for her, her kid’s, and the guys sake she will figure it out before they do.)

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

Ladies or Warriors?

Tags

, , , , , ,

A post on a friend’s Facebook page caught my eye. Here’s the image:

13934609_1233376443362548_8530676575235303698_n

Now I am sure my friend just thought, “That’s right, you go guuuurl!” and re-posted it without much thought.  She likely didn’t mean any harm.

But let’s talk a closer look, and think more critically about the message in the image. (I was relieved to see the comments attached to the image did point much of this out, yay red pill commenters!)

First of all, the image has a “Mad Max” type feel. This is not an image of a little girl living in a safe and stable civilization. So that right there is not a good thing, as girls in such a situation would most likely be subjected to abuse, rape, kidnapping, and other horrible treatment in such a doomsday scenario.

Secondly, women are designed to bring life into the world, and to nurture and sustain life, not to take life. If this little girl were to die in battle, her tribe loses far more than if she was able to reach adulthood and help her tribe gain in number and strength.

There’s a red pill saying that, “sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive.”  What that means is that men are more “expendable” from a biological standpoint. One male can impregnate many women, carrying on his genetic lineage, while a female can only bear one child at a time, and at great personal risk and cost, especially in a scenario like the above where there likely would be no medical help!

Now, expendable is not the same as unnecessary or unimportant or optional. Men are certainly a key part of a functioning, safe society. Their natural role as provider and protector is a noble one. (As is the female role, as the giver of life.)

To die in battle for your tribe is indeed the highest sacrifice a man can make. Likewise, a female having children for her tribe is the highest sacrifice she can make. This is why females dying in battle is not a gain to the tribe, it is a huge loss.

This is true in many cases in the animal world as well. For example, I keep chickens. In a flock, the rooster is the only one who looks around and up for danger. The hens are completely oblivious, relying on him to sound the alarm if trouble approaches. When it does, the rooster will literally throw himself in the path of danger to allow the hens to escape safely back to the coop. I have had several roosters give their life in this way, trying to fight off a coyote or wayward dog. Interestingly, the hens (whose eggs are fertilized weeks before they are laid) will then immediately start a nest, I assume to replace the missing rooster they have just lost. It’s also important to note, without a rooster, the coyote or dog will kill the entire flock of hens, who do not even see it coming.

And finally, encouraging women to be fighters instead of lovers does not prepare them well for the role of wife or mother. Brash argumentative uppity women are unpleasant to be around, and struggle to maintain relationships. Not good for her, her mate, or her children! (Also note, being a lady has the exact opposite effect!)

Not that women can’t fight if needed, but it is usually not the go to. Even the strongest women have trouble holding their own against an average man. If it is down to women doing the fighting, things are very bad indeed!

In any case, while such images today are meant to “empower” women to be strong and self sufficient, under examination such thinking really isn’t in the best interest of anyone, including the little girls being told to “be a warrior!”

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Residual Blue Pill Programming

Tags

, , , ,

Even as much as I have learned and grown over the past several years since discovering the red pill, there are still times where I realize the old residual blue pill programming still pops up in my thinking from time to time.

For example, I was following a conversation elsewhere and made the remark that it would be great if our new president took up for men’s rights.

A red piller soon pushed back that no, men did not need the government to give them men’s rights, doing so would be just as much BS as women’s rights. Instead he pointed out the government should stay out of it.

Do rights come from within, or without? Oooommmm. Wow. Mind opening moment. Hard to put into words.

I wholeheartedly agreed, thanked him for the comment, and apologized for the bad phrasing. I admitted I still have blue pill programming here and there.

“That’s OK,” he said. “It will go away with time!” Lol.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Do you have any residual blue pill beliefs still lurking about?

Everything Old is New Again?

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Perhaps I am just engaging in wishful thinking, but from what I see, it seems as a culture we’ve pushed the “modem, equal, single, independent woman” thing about as far as it can go. And it’s not working as described. So my hope is soon there will be the inevitable swing back to more traditional values perhaps with a red pill twist.

I think while many blue pill/modern women would misunderstand the idea if presented all at once (OMG, what are you going to do lock me up and take away all my rights?), I do think people are dissatisfied enough with the way things are going that they are starting to seek out answers.

And the older I get, the more I see there is wisdom in the old ways, in tradition, in men being men and women being women. And perhaps now that these “old ways” have been out of fashion for so long, people will be able to see them in a new light.

It’s kind of like the organic farming movement. On both sides my grandparents were farmers. They farmed organically but they didn’t think of it as “organic” it was just the way things had always been done. And for the most part it worked. It was hard work, but manageable on a daily basis, and they had more free time than many people do today, fewer worries, and a quiet but comfortable life.

They drank fresh raw milk, made butter, raised their own beef, pork, and poultry without antibiotics or growth hormones. They raised and canned or froze enough produce to easily eat well through the winter. It was like a hipster’s clean eating, free range, humane, organic dream come true! I am sure my grandparents would be surprised to hear people will pay $25 for one chicken raised the way all their chickens were! The only things I can remember my grandparents buying from the store were things they could not produce themselves: sugar, peanut butter, coffee, and a few other staples.

During the depression my grandmother says while they did not have money to spend on extras, they ate just as well and for the most part life really wasn’t that much different on the farm before, during, or after the depression. In fact my grandmother would fret about those living in cities, wondering what they would do if another depression hit? If they could not or did not know how to grow their own food and had to buy it all, she saw this would be a real hardship.

I hope that traditional male and female relationship dynamics, like my grandparents had, will become as trendy and hip as organic free range foods are today. Considered a “premium” in fact!

Dare to dream. I know some who are already living that way even if the rest of the world is not, and they are among the happiest people I know, with little stress, drama, worry, or strife.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Be a Class Act

Tags

, , , , , ,

Remember when it was considered a GOOD thing to act like a lady?

Apparently these days the feral woman is more the cultural standard, and IMHO it is a real loss.

My advice is to not sink to the level of the average woman, but rise above and be a class act. Not only will you stand out among the shrieking masses of hysterical women shouting expletives right in front of small children, you’ll also be taking a small personal stand for decency.

And when other women act like they have been raised on the streets, please join me in calling them out (constructively) on their bad behavior. Somebody has to! And let’s face it, these women are not going to listen to anything a man has to say.

I know it is like trying to fight the tide, but a civilization without civility just doesn’t work.

Let those who have ears hear.

Have some stories of women behaving well or badly to share? Please add them in the comments!

 

Build Up Your House

Tags

, , , , , ,

There’s a proverb that I think every woman should know and use as a guiding principle in life. It goes:

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” ~ Proverbs 14.1

I have known many women who behave and believe in ways that foolishly tear down their homes, and sadly I have only known a few who work hard to build their homes up.

A few examples of tearing down one’s home include engaging in “husband bashing sessions” with other women, spending recklessly, threatening your spouse that you will leave or divorce them during arguments, allowing people in your life who bad talk your marriage, continually bringing up past grievances, calling names or fighting dirty rather than focusing on resolving issues, putting other things or people (friends, money, career, hobbies, etc.) in front of your family, having one foot in your marriage and one foot out the door, spending time around other men who you are attracted to or who are attracted to you, and more.

I am sure if you think about the women you know or have seen on TV or in movies, you could easily come up with many examples of women tearing down their homes with their own hands. There are few, if any, of women taking steps to build their homes up.

In fact, it seems women get far more support and encouragement today to LEAVE their marriages, than to work things out. But the wisdom and truth of this proverb has not changed.

As you go about your day, making decisions small and large, ask yourself, “Is this building my home up, or tearing it down?” Or, if you are unmarried, ask, “Is this building toward my plans for a future successful relationship, or not?”

A wise woman asks herself these questions, while a foolish one ignores them.

Let those who have ears hear.

Can you think of ways a woman could build up her house? Tear it down? Please share them in the comments!

I am an IUD Oops Baby!

Tags

, , , ,

True story: I am an IUD oops baby, luckily born just shortly before abortion was legalized. Yep, I am a one percent-er!

My mom had the IUD installed after the birth of my brother, who was 9-months-old when I was conceived. Had abortion been available, I am pretty sure she would have chosen to have one because she has said many times she wanted at least a two-year spacing between kids.

Luckily for me, she could not make that choice, so she went ahead and here I am! (Then to be sure it didn’t happen again, she got her tubes tied when I was born. Lol!)

I am sure it was a hardship to be unexpectedly pregnant again while chasing after a very active 9-month-old who was just walking. And as my mom puts it, he never really walked, he ran!

Tragically, two years after I was born, my father died in a car accident and my mom was a 27-year-old widow with two kids under the age of 5. I can’t even imagine how trying those times must have been for her. It wasn’t easy for any of us.

My mom has said many times were it not for myself and my brother forcing her to carry on simply because we needed the daily care, she isn’t sure she would have made it through those years. And she was glad that she had my bother and me, small parts of my dad living on. She could see him in us, in behaviors or physical traits, and it comforted her.

My mom says now she couldn’t imagine her life without me, or without her two granddaughters. And of course, I can’t imagine life without me or my kids, either! Had my mom had the right to choose, these very words you are reading probably never would have been written, my story never told!

Sometimes things happen. Those things may not be planned or ideal. But life has taught me that it’s best to roll with it, because none of us knows what lies ahead, and life has also shown me that if you just take things one day at a time, it works out, no matter how impossible it may seem at the time.

I am glad I beat the 99 percent odds against my ever having been, and I am happy to still be alive today to tell the tale!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

Cultivate Emotional Control

Tags

, , , ,

When I was younger, I will admit I did not have the greatest emotional control. The smallest things could get me wound up and I would stew for ages over them.

It was not only damaging to myself, it was damaging to my relationships. Let’s admit it: nobody really likes to ride unpredictable emotional roller coasters. But many people don’t realize it is a CHOICE to do so, or not. I know I didn’t for a long time.

Then I read a quote from Don Ruiz in the Book The Four Agreements that put it in perspective. To paraphrase: Does your mind race in many different directions, like a pack of jittery wild horses? If so you need to put a lead and a bridle on your thoughts, so you are controlling them rather than letting them control you.

I instantly recognized the truth in what he was saying, and realized that I was mostly  living in reaction to my thoughts rather than harnessing my emotional state to work for me rather than against me.

It has taken time, and mindfulness, but since then I have learned to recognize when I am having repetitive, circular, nonproductive, emotionally draining thoughts. I have nicknamed it, “spinning” as a way to describe how I feel when I slip into that emotional space. It goes around and around but gets me nowhere – except emotionally and physically drained.

I have known a few male spinners, but from what I have seen I think the female brain is more prone to ruminate. Add to that hormonal fluctuation, and the spin can really get going just as Ruiz describes, like a pack of wild horses running in all directions but not knowing why, what to do, or where to head for safety.

If any of this sounds familiar, start to keep tabs on your inner thought patterns and see if you can start to recognize when you are going into a spin. One tip off can be the thoughts are either ruminating on a past one can’t change, or a future that has not arrived yet.

The solution is to come back to the now, to even touch a solid piece of furniture or do something to ground yourself in the present. Are the things you are spinning about happening right now? By all means if so, engage in fight or flight mode.

But if not, allowing your body to react as if you are in flight or flight when really there is no currant danger nor anything you can do about the situation won’t help. Get out the lead and the bridle and rein in your wild horses. Choose NOT to spin.

In time you will learn what works for you: perhaps a brisk walk, some time listening to music, mindful meditation, a change of scene, making a to-do or solution list, doing something physical and productive like cleaning house or gardening, writing in a journal, etc.

I still spin occasionally (and to be fair, I come by it honestly – most of the women in my family are near-professional league spinners) but I don’t do it nearly to the degree I once did. The spins happen less frequently and when they do I can get them under control much faster than I once did.

Speaking of other spinners, be especially aware of others in your life who may exasperate the cycle rather than help you break out of it. I learned some people are spinners and want others to spin along with them. I could be in a perfectly good mood and then get around certain people or groups and soon we’d all be spinning, going around and around about something but getting nowhere but upset.

Worse, there are even people who will use your spins against you, purposely getting you all worked up as a way to feel better or more in control themselves. These people are toxic, and should be eliminated from life when possible or their impact minimized when not.

Learning to control my emotions rather than allowing my emotions to control me has led to a much happier and healthier life, both for myself and those around me. It’s a journey rather than a destination, so don’t expect to turn around well set patterns overnight. But with time and practice you will improve until you find yourself rarely spinning rather than frequently spinning. Maybe someday I will reach a spin-free state, but for now I see any progress toward that as a step in the right direction.

I am trying to help my daughters learn to control the spins early. Whenever one of us starts to twirl, we’ll call each other out on being “special snowflakes” and then all purposely act out a melodramatic toddler-level fit until we are all laughing at the ridiculousness.

What about you? Can you relate? What have you found works for you? If you are not a spinner yourself, have you ever known one? Please feel free to share in the comments!

Let those who have ears hear!

Build a Bridge

Tags

, ,

Ladies, put yourself in their shoes:

(these are all ACTUAL stories!)

  • The man who gets told off for holding the door open.
  • The injured vet who finds women won’t hold the door open for him, even though he is on crutches.
  • The husband of two young kids who is blindsided by his wife leaving him for her fitness trainer.
  • The dedicated employee passed over time and again for promotions because of his “privilege.”
  • The guy who was nuclear rejected by a gal who then posted video of it on Snapchat.
  • (Insert your own examples here.)

For decades men have been the only group it is OK to openly ridicule and the only group who is also not allowed to stand up against it.

So ladies, don’t be surprised to get less than a warm welcome from the men folk these days. We’ve collectively earned it.

While countless women continue to wail, “Where have all the good men gone?” and blame their lack of a committed relationship on guys who are too immature, too picky, or  unable or unwilling to commit, the wiser ones will see that women have created the hostile situation, and if she wants a man in her life to she’s going to have to actively re-build that bridge her sisters blew up long ago.

Instead of focusing on a long checklist of traits he “must have” to qualify, try thinking about your own list, what you bring to the table, and how you can qualify yourself to a good man.

And then be pleasant. Be feminine. Be as attractive as you can be. Act like a lady. Be loyal. Be trustworthy. Be appreciative. Be kind. Be respectful of him. Be supportive of him.

Trust me, such women are so rare these days, you’ll stand head and shoulders above the rest.

Let those who have ears hear.