Tag Archives: abundance

Be Thankful

22 Thursday Nov 2018

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It seems like an apt time of year to ponder gratitude.

True thankfulness is exceedingly rare in today’s entitled “gimmie, gimme NOW” world.

I find it so ironic that in an era where many have more material and physical abundance than perhaps ever before in all of history, it’s much more common to encounter people thinking they need more than to meet those who appreciate all they’ve got.

And since this blog is for the ladies, I will focus on this from the female perspective from here. (Perhaps a male blogger can tackle a version of this topic for the guys.)

For women, who have for decades been raised to believe there are no limits, they can be or do anything they want to be, that they deserve it all, and that they don’t just deserve it they are OWED it, contentment and gratitude can be viewed as negative, limiting, and outdated.

However I would argue it’s only those rare women who cultivate a true gratitude attitude that ever find the seemingly-ever-elusive happiness, fulfillment, balance, peace, and abundance so many desperately seek.

The answer ironically isn’t having more, it’s not just being OK with — but actually being thankful for — less.

Now before you think I am advising gals need to aim low or give up, give me a chance to explain.

Contentment and gratitude for what *is* truly is the secret to ever having enough. Because everything is relative.

For example, for some people an 800 square foot house is “small.” For others a 2,500 square foot house is “small.” Any house could be viewed as too small, too big, or just right based on one’s perception.

I once read a book by a woman who suddenly realized one day that the problem wasn’t that’s her house was too small, it was her attitude toward it that was. Rather than being thankful for and loving the house she had, she resented it for everything it was not, and spent many disgruntled hours wishing to live anywhere but there.

After that “ah ha moment,” she embarked on a year-long quest to love her home with all she had. She lovingly took stock and then went to work making it as beautiful, comfortable, welcoming, and cozy as it could possibly be.

Soon others began to notice her modest little house. Editors from home and garden magazines that she used to read with envy started calling her, asking to feature her home! Then offering her a regular column! Then encouraging her to write books about how she had created her lovely abode.

That’s the difference gratitude makes. It was the same house. She was the same person. All that had changed was rather than wishing for something else she embraced what she had and poured her heart and soul into loving it just as it was while doing all she could to make it all it could be with the resources she had.

In the end embracing gratitude led to so much more than not doing so ever did. She wasn’t settling. Or aiming low. Or giving up. Or getting less.

In fact had she stayed on the path of wanting more, she would likely still be stuck right there, bitterly hating her little house, wishing for something else, thinking, “if only…”

Instead she was loving her house, living a life beyond her wildest dreams, and embracing the ever growing abundance with a humble and thankful heart.

If you find yourself often thinking about what you wish you had, were, missed, or should be, try looking at what you have right now with gratitude, knowing it’s enough, being thankful for exactly what you’ve got, making the most of it, and embracing the blessings that have been right there all along. At home, at work, at play, and in love.

Happy Thanksgiving! May it be a blessed one.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Patriarchy

12 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill, Relationships

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When you hear the word patriarchy, what images and thoughts come up?

For many raised in a post-feminist world, images or thoughts of oppression, violence, anger, intolerance, abuse, toxic masculinity, and victimization may come to mind.

Yesterday I saw an example of patriarchy that defied all those images and labels. An example that perhaps more truly reflects the true concept of patriarchy.

I noticed the children first, at a small local family fun park where the girls and I had gone to spend a beautiful summer afternoon.

The kids ranged in age from about 17 down. There were lots of them, and they beamed with happiness and joy, good naturedly joking with each other, playing tag, and clearly enjoying themselves. There was a distinct innocence to them, a carefreeness and sense of absolute security.

They were all tastefully dressed, not overtly any distinct religious faith but also not in the latest fashions. Timeless but not at all out of fashion either. The girls wore girl cut T-shirt’s and skirts with Capri leggings underneath, and their faces were glowing and fresh but make-up free.  The boys wore T-shirt’s and shorts.

I could tell they were likely related because of their similar appearance and obvious close ties, I figured perhaps they were cousins.

A man not much older than myself followed the youngest girl, a cute and spunky little blond. She scrambled up to the top of a tall slide and fearlessly barreled down, calling to and waving to the man the whole way.

He laughed and beamed with pride. “Hard to believe she only weighed three pounds when she was born,” he said to me out of the blue. “She was 9 weeks early.”

“I was just thinking what a daredevil she is,” I replied. He beamed even more.

”She’s the youngest of 12,” he said, gesturing to the other kids who bounded around happily, playifully. “She’s three.”

“That’s fantastic!” I replied. “How old is the oldest?”

”Twenty-six,” he replied. “Ages 26 to 3!”

”Any grandkids yet?” I asked?

”The first is on the way this January,” he said.

”Congratulations!” I replied. He smiled a  lovingly proud smile.

The little girl then dashed off to the next activity and he followed at a close but not hovering distance.

Later in the evening I saw him and his wife. He tenderly held her arm as they steered through the crowd of people gathered on the grassy hill to enjoy a performance., heading back to their brood. They looked very content and happy.

I reflected on this couple and their children and thought how this patriarchy wasn’t as so often described — looked nothing like that, actually. It was remarkably refreshing, this family’s dynamic, I found myself wishing more families (of any and all sizes) today looked like that. Happy. Joyful. Secure.

Perhaps the patriarchy isn’t as it’s been portrayed? Perhaps there’s a much more positive side that is rarely celebrated or acknowledged today?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Problems and Solutions

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Many people are good at pointing out problems, or “what’s wrong” with this or that. And indeed it is step one.

But have you noticed how few people seem to be able to focus on the solutions rather than simply fixate on the problem?

I see this all over the place, not just in relationships. It seems we are a culture very good at identifying problems — calling them out loud and clear. We are not so good at finding solutions it seems… in fact many seem to NOT want to find solutions, but rather just harp and harp on the same old “problems.”

But trust me, solutions are where the good stuff is. The problems are only an opportunity to grow and thrive, reach another level — and you get there by coming up with solutions to whatever the problem is one faces.

Sometimes others will appreciate the solutions, join in, other times they will not. So long as you find a solution for YOURSELF to whatever it is, that’s what matters. Others will have to find solutions for themselves. Or maybe they will just choose to focus on the problems. Some may not want to solve the problems. In any case, don’t get sucked in!

So next time you find yourself with a problem, rather than getting stuck there push on to brainstorming possible solutions.  Soon whatever you face won’t matter as much because you will prove to yourself time and again that whatever the problem, what really matters isn’t that, but coming up with a workable (for you) solution!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

More on Actions and Outcomes

06 Friday Jul 2018

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To keep riffing on the idea that actions create outcomes, let’s look at some examples. What would the outcome be for the following (best guess, just based on the average outcome.)

Case Study 1: Person shows up to work on time (or a bit early!), is rarely absent, works diligently, looks and acts professionally, adds value whenever possible, is minimal drama, and gets ‘er done on a daily and regular basis. Outcome?

Case Study 2: Person is often late, sick the minute a leave day accrues, often gets off task, looks and acts unprofessionally, does the minimum, often involved in or creating drama, doesn’t complete tasks on a regular or daily basis. Outcome?

Case Study 1: On a regular or daily basis person does the following: walks for 15 minutes a day, takes the stairs instead of the elevator whenever possible, parks in the farthest spot in the lot, does resistance training either at home with body weight resistance and bands or at the gym with weights, has an active hobby (boating, hiking, swimming, biking, etc.), and mostly eats a sensible, balanced, high nutrition, low processed and junk food diet. Outcome?

Cast Study 2: Person wishes they could lose weight and get fit, but never or rarely or sporadically at best does any of the above.  Outcome?

Case Study 1: Person wants financial stability so they put away 10 percent of every paycheck, avoid debt or pay extra on any prior debt until it is paid off, pays bills early or on time to avoid fees, shops at garage sales, consignment shops, resale shops, or thrift stores for most household and clothing items, comparison shops and buys new items on sale vs. retail, prioritizes needs vs. wants, has $1500 in a rainy day fund for emergencies and repays the fund when used, puts money regularly into some sort of retirement fund, takes on extra work or generates extra income on the side when possible, lives below their means on a regular or daily basis. Outcome?

Case Study 2: Person wants financial stability but tells themselves they can’t afford to save anything, buys mostly on credit, pays minimum on cards and debts, often pays late including additional fees, always buys household and clothing items brand new at full retail price, has no cash reserves for emergencies so charges such expenses, puts nothing away for retirement, doesn’t look for extra work or ways to generate income on the side when possible, lives paycheck to paycheck or even above their means via credit. Outcome?

As these examples hopefully illustrate, it’s not rocket science. The secret to getting the outcome you desire is taking regular or daily actions that have high odds of leading to the desired outcome. Not doing so greatly decreases it.

I am sure you can think of such case studies of your own (and if so, feel free to add them or other thoughts on actions and outcomes in the comments!)

Actions Create Outcomes

04 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Actions create outcomes — it’s a simple concept but one that often escapes people (myself included) when the way life is and the way we want life to be do not match up.

Consider the common problem of clutter. Actions can either lead to less clutter (steps are taken on a regular and ongoing basis to reduce clutter) or more (a one time effort is made or no steps are taken, the same actions that led to clutter keep occurring, clutter persists or worsens.)

Another example might be a personal goal, such as losing weight. Actions can either lead to weight loss (increase physical activity combined with a balanced, low calorie, high nutrition eating plan on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (any change is shortly abandoned or no increased physical activity, no change in eating habits.)

Perhaps the goal is financial stability. Actions can lead to financial stability (live below ones means, put extra toward debt reduction and savings on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (continue to live above one’s means or paycheck to paycheck.)

This concept also applies to relationships. Actions can lead to better and more satisfying relationships (taking steps on a regular and ongoing basis to nurture the relationship, increase positive experiences, and reduce negative ones) or not (give little or no thought or action toward improving relationships.)

As you may see, this simple but powerful concept can apply to all sorts of situations. And in every case the solution to whatever the problem is to TAKE ACTION. And often to take that action on a REGULAR and ONGOING basis.

Think of them as habits. At first doing things differently can seem forced and uncomfortable. But after about 21 days, experts say new actions become habits. Once this happens, those behaviors become part of the operational plan — working for (or against) you on autopilot.

So if there is something in your life that you wish were different the good news is in almost every case there is something you can do to change that — take action in the direction you would rather things be and then keep doing so until and after you reach the goal. The path from where you are to where you want to be is just that easy — and also just that hard if you want the outcome but aren’t taking the actions required to produce it.

It’s been said that often the biggest obstacle we face is our-self.  In most cases the only thing holding us back from what we want out of life is our own choices, habits, and behavior. The good news is — we can always choose to change! (And if it’s something you can’t change, you can still take action — accept it and focus on what you can change!)

Take action. Better days ahead await! (And now I am going to take action to water, pull weeds, and tend to my veggie garden, spending 15-20 minutes a day doing so, so I can later enjoy my goal to have an abundance of fresh grown flowers and produce this fall instead of it just turning into a weedy tangled mess!)

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Commit To Your Choice

29 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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In comments on another blog, frequent commentor and fellow blogger Stephanie shared the story of a friend’s struggling marriage:

“I had a friend for over 2 decades… literally, we were friends in pre-school and have pictures together from our Kinder graduation **tear**. But she married someone she was NOT attracted to – who she dated for FIVE YEARS in our 20’s and kept complaining to me about how unattractive he was and how she wanted him to improve himself.

No matter how many times I told her to leave him alone and move on – find someone she was attracted to who she could accept as the man he is, she didn’t listen. She married him right at 29 yrs old (really hit home that manosphere cliche for me personally to see that), and has a very rocky marriage now.

Maybe… is it possible that [she] married her husband even though he wasn’t good at being a man? To me, these women (and virgins can do it, too) they pick these kinds of men on purpose. It’s not an accident that they stay with them through sometimes YEARS of dating and then it’s not an accident that they walk down that aisle to marry someone THEY KNOW they are not attracted to that much.

It’s very much on purpose. And while I’m sure they believe the lies they tell themselves… it’s bound to end up in heartache.

**Bonus brain memory stuff** She even told me (much to my horror) that while they were just dating she was very tempted to cheat on him with various coworkers!!!!!!! So how is that going to play out in a marriage of decades? Seems much more likely she will eventually stray.”

I inquired:

“@ Stephanie did she ever say what was working for her in the relationship? How attractive is she? Did she date others or ?”

She replied:

“Mostly just security, and getting married before it was too late to have kids. Her plans were always to find someone in college and marry them.

She did date other guys, even in high school… a couple she really was attracted to, but chose not to be “serious” with them even though I would urge her that they were a great catch for marriage.

I don’t get it 😦 Except that he makes good money and is stable. But she is very very good at her job and makes a lot of money, too, so I guess she just wanted stability relationship-wise.”

I too have seen women marry to a man they are not so attracted to physically (but are attracted to for other reasons like stability, status, resources, etc.) who end up unhappily married. And likewise I have seen women marry men they are wildly physically attracted to (but who lacked the stability/comfort component) who end up unhappily married. So is the physical attraction, or making the “wrong” pick in a mate, really the factor?

I know some may disagree, but I would argue it is not the level of attraction or choosing the wrong mate that is the problem, it is the woman’s attitude. Rather than focusing on what her mate doesn’t have, she would be far better off focusing on the qualities and traits that she does appreciate. It’s similar to the glass half full or half empty argument.

Women who look for what’s “missing” will always be less happy (content) than women who look for “what’s there.” Because it is far too easy to idealize some imaginary path not taken, and far too easy to also criticize the path chosen.

But guess what? All we have is the path we are on. And if she choose to marry this man, choosing to honor that commitment despite his not being perfect in every possible way is actually the secret to a successful marriage. Being happy (content) isn’t something that, “just happens,” it means she literally chooses to be happy (content) with her choice, see the positives within it, and to honor the commitment she made.

It’s foolishly disastrous to continue after marriage to ponder “what if’s” and “if only’s” and such alternate realities as if they were some magically perfect path versus the path one is on. Because you know what? Those options would be just as imperfect in different ways. Because no marriage is without a balance of give and take.

To see how damaging such thinking is, let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Imagine if her husband was constantly questioning his choice in a wife? Wondering if he could have “done better?” Entertaining attractions to others at work and social circles. Confessing to others on a regular basis how his wife is “lacking” in this way or that. Not cool, right? And not very loving, either.

So in reality I would say this woman and others like her are not unhappy (discontent) because they have chosen poorly or wrong so much as they are choosing to be unhappy (discontent) with the choice they freely made. As in past tense. The time to question the choice was before the wedding, not forever after.

Of course doing so takes maturity, self-discipline, wisdom, and a long-view — qualities not as popular in today’s “instant gratification, I want it all and I want it now,” society. It would also require self-awareness of the role she is choosing to play in her own and her husband’s unhappiness (discontent), plus a sincere desire to change that. It’s possible, but only she can take these steps.

This woman may think the solution to her unhappiness (discontent) is changing her partner (either changing her partner’s appearance or literally changing partners) — but in reality the solution is changing her own dysfunctional, non-constructive, and marriage-killing mindset. Stop reconsidering the choice and get on with making what you chose work, would be my red pill advice.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Know Where You Are Going

05 Monday Mar 2018

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This excellent post on another blog got me thinking: Do you have a life plan and are you actively working it?  (I highly recommend you click on and read the post before continuing.)

If you don’t have a plan you are working, chances are five, ten, or more years down the road time will have passed but you won’t be further ahead, healthier, more stable financially, or ahead in other categories for it.

However with a plan, and the small daily steps taken toward it, you could easily be far better off in all sorts of ways 1, 5, 10 or more years from now. Like a snowball rolling down a hill, such efforts start small but then can gain momentum, turning that small snowball into a huge one.

One never gets time back, either. And while it’s possible to start working a solid life plan at any age, the person who starts to do so early in life will always be ahead of the one who doesn’t begin until they are in their 40s, for example.

Today, take some time to write down some short (1 year), medium (5 year) and long range (10 years +) goals. If it helps, write how old you will be at each age, and visualize what you want your life (and the life of those you love) to look like then.

As they said failing to plan can be planning to fail.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Waste Little, Want Not

22 Wednesday Nov 2017

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A popular saying from the depression era was, “waste little, want not.” It was a phrase often repeated by my grandmother who lived through the depression as a child and teen.

In today’s “gimme gimme” culture built on debt and instant gratification, the idea of making do and being greatful isn’t a popular one. Yet it’s one that can bring peace and centering in times of both plenty and lack.

Imagine feeling like what you have is enough. That you lack for and need nothing. Impossible? Chances are if you are like many today you actually not only have enough, but more than enough.

In fact it’s a common complaint today that people have too much! Yet despite homes filled with clutter and “stuff” they seek more, never truly filling the hole within.

Ironically, in a culture of abundance and self-centered-ness, people are more dissatisfied and lonely than ever. So maybe the secret isn’t more and “me” but less and “others?”

Waste little, want not.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Start Where You Are

08 Saturday Jul 2017

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If there is something you would like to change about your life, here’s a tip: start where you are, and start right now.

I know many people who want their life to be different, yet they are waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting for enough money, waiting until they have x, y, or z.

Maybe they want to lose weight or live healthier, maybe they want a different job or career, maybe they want to find a relationship, or fix a relationship, etc.

They want it, but they’re waiting…

My advice? Start right now, today, in whatever way they can, no matter how small. Every journey begins with the first step. And doing 10% to get there will still get you there faster than waiting to do anything.

It’s your life. You are the artist. Nobody can craft the masterpiece but you!

You might make mistakes. You might not know exactly how to do it. You may have other limitations. It’s OK. But still no reason to delay. Start where you are — it’s the only way to get there!

Whats something you’d like to be different? Please share in the comments!

The Power of Gratitude

21 Wednesday Dec 2016

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Something I have noticed in life is that nothing can turn a bad attitude or a feeling of want around like gratitude.

Because you know what? There will always be something going wrong, something we want, something we think we need, or something we wish we had. In fact, if one focuses on what’s MISSING there is really no end to the things to be upset about. No matter how much you have, it will never be enough.

Gratitude is just the opposite. There is always something to be thankful for, and often once I start listing my things off they quickly outnumber the “missing” stuff.

Another bonus, when I focus on what I am thankful for it’s almost impossible to feel unhappy or upset, either.  It switches the glass from half empty to half full, or even runneth over, just like that.

In this season of “gimmie gimmie” gratitude is like a breath of fresh air. I don’t need a Lexus with a red bow on top to make Christmas complete (I actually would not even want that, but the commercials every year make me wonder, does anyone actually do that, and if so do they give the car along with four years of car payments, or how would that work?)

I have always worked to instill gratitude in my kids, as well. And a few years ago during a particularly lean holiday season, I was so proud of them when they happily embraced the few gifts I was able to afford that year, never even noticing or asking for more.

One thing our holidays were rich with that year (and ever since) were experiences — decorating the tree, making gingerbread houses, enjoying candy canes, looking at holiday light displays, telling holiday tales, watching Christmas movies, making crafts to give as gifts, baking cookies, sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows, cuddling up in blankets on the couch, admiring the tree. These things don’t cost much but will be remembered long after the latest “it” toy loses its luster.

In the end material things are just that — things. But relationships, family, friends, health,  community, health, Grace, memories and all those other things no amount of money can buy are the true treasures in life. Cherish them, and may your heart be filled to bursting!

Merry Christmas!