Tag Archives: anxiety

The Enjoli Girl

17 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Fempire

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I may be dating myself, but when I was a young girl there was a perfume commercial with a very catchy jingle that pretty much summed up the times.

It went:

“I can bring home the bacon

Fry it up in a pan

And never, ever let him forget he’s a man

Cause I’m a woman

Enjoli!”

Granted by today’s standards this song symbolizing the liberated modern woman  ideal of that time almost sounds sexist. Were it rewritten today it would likely leave out the frying things up in a pan, or never letting him forget he’s a man, but trust me, at the time it was edgy.

Fast forward to today. Studies show women are more dissatisfied with their lives than they were in generations past, marriage rates at at a 93-year low, depression and other mental health issues are at all time highs, and things haven’t quite panned out the way they were supposed to.

So now what? When do we stop demanding more rights and concessions and change, and start realizing that’s not the answer? Realize that maybe the plan was flawed, and trying to have it all and all at once was actually a set up to fail?

I wish I knew how to fix this big old mess. I think talking about it openly would be a great a start. And admitting what was supposed to be the answer has actually led to other problems, more problems, unforeseen problems.

Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it? If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Stinking Thinking

19 Monday Feb 2018

Posted by in Red Pill

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I’ll admit it. I can suffer from stinking thinking. And when I do, it’s a sure recipe for feeling unhaaaaapy and seeing everything in the worst possible light.

At least now I usually recognize the stinking thinking and can talk myself into a more productive space. But not so many years ago I could not. Back then how I FELT equaled THE TRUTH. Trouble was, it often wasn’t the truth but became so after I would act or make decisions based off thinking it was so.

Stinking thinking has cost me personally and professionally. Sometimes significantly so. Stinking thinking could take my very worst fears and actually make them my reality. Not good.

I used to keep the stinking thinking to myself. But the problem with that was it would then fester and grow stronger, like an infection. But I was afraid to share those thoughts for a long time, not wanting others to see my weakness and vulnerability.

Now I have a handful of trusted people who I can share with when stinking thinking occurs (no surprise, it can be worst during hormonal times.) They can then help me recognize that it’s not reality talking, it’s simply stinking thinking. During such times I try my best to be especially mindful to make sure I am eating and sleeping well, staying busy, and taking steps to focus on solutions, not dwell on problems.

I recognize also that I come from a long line of stinking thinking folks. Because it can come to me maybe more naturally than others, and because I did not have the best examples of managing it, I have to be more vigilant and watch out. I have seen the joy it has robbed from the lives of others, and I know I must consciously take steps to prevent it from doing the same to me.

If you have ever suffered from stinking thinking yourself, I invite you to join me in giving it the heave ho. Feel free to call it out, put it on notice. It’s such a freeing feeling to be able to get a handle on it mid spiral and say, “Sorry stinking thinking, not this time, I am so on to you!”

The other great thing about learning to recognize stinking thinking is that it diminishes its former power, I now know I can choose NOT to participate in its dastardly plan. I can control it, it doesn’t have to control me.

I wish I could say I have overcome stinking thinking entirely, but it would not be true. It still happens, whispering negative and destructive things here and there, but I realize now I don’t have to believe it. Maybe with time it will go away entirely, or at least fade in frequency to less often than not, then rarely, then nearly never. It’s an unfolding journey.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced stinking thinking. Please share in the comments!

The Need for Struggle

19 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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A customer of mine, who is also a psychologist, and I were shooting the breeze the other day and he brought up an interesting thought: that people need struggle in their lives.

Now one would think just the opposite, that a life free of struggles would lead to happiness and contentment. But apparently not.

Not so long ago, say 150 years, life itself provided plenty enough struggle just via day to day living and survival. Most men and women spent their days toiling for survival via planting crops, tending crops, raising animals, running small businesses, doing physical housework, and the like. The need to struggle was largely fulfilled with physical struggle, hard work.

After an industrial and urban way of life largely replaces a subsistence one, there was still struggle as many jobs were still physical. People were largely involved in working in factories, building and manufacturing goods. It was a different kind of struggle than living on a farm, but still plenty strenuous.

In a post industrial world the need for physical struggle to survive day to day has been greatly reduced thanks to modern conveniences such as electricity and plumbing and a variety of labor saving devices that depend on them. Many jobs also replaced physical struggle with a more sedentary day.

Without the need to struggle physically, rather than feel content and happy, people started to struggle emotionally. Literally creating problems for themselves and others when not distracted by true physical struggle to survive.

It’s an interesting idea to ponder, what one might be doing in their own life to fulfill the human need for struggle. Perhaps replacing that with some form of physical struggle via exercise, sports, active hobbies, and the like would actually lead to contentment and happiness far better than trying to eliminate all struggle?

One example of this might explain why studies found people who walk 15 minutes a day (physical struggle) can gain as much relief from depression as those who take antidepressants. The physical exertion literally creates serotonin, eliminating the need for it to be supplemented.

What do you think?  Can you name examples of ways people struggle today? Either self created or not? Can you think of ways people might replace non-productive, self created struggle with productive struggle?