Tag Archives: battle of the sexes

Be a Team Player

27 Wednesday Jun 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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Want a happy and successful relationship? One of the best ways to make it happen is to be a team player. View your mate and your partnership as your number one and the rest will fall into place.

Too often women today are encouraged to see their partner as some sort of enemy in a battle-of-the-sexes dynamic. Such a relationship is marked by power struggles, shit tests, and strife. The result is nobody’s happy or feels supported and the relationship flounders and often then fails as a result.

Compare that to the team model where instead of it being them against each other, it’s them against the world. Their efforts are directed at overcoming outside threats rather that on trying to overcome one another.  It’s a much more harmonious and stable dynamic.

Perhaps the biggest key to achieving a team player attitude is to let go of striving for your individual needs in favor of the needs of the unit. For women, especially for women who have been raised to believe doing so will automatically lead to their oppression and victimization, it can be hard to do.  And yet if the team comes second (or third or fourth) it’s not too difficult to see why that team may fail.

In fact, I can’t think of a single relationship in real life where the couple takes a team approach and one or both of the partners are individually worse off for it. Instead they are among the happiest people I know.

Two are stronger than one. And two pulling together in the same direction are certainly far ahead of two pulling in opposite directions. The first can overcome much while the second may hardly get anywhere at all.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

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Careful What You Wish For

11 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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I got some sad news yesterday that a couple I know has separated and is on the path to divorce. Their son is 11-years-old.

They did not marry until later in life, late 40s. He is a chemist with a well-paying job working for a large company, she was a former housekeeper and has been a stay at home wife and then mom since they married close to a dozen years ago now.

They hadn’t planned on becoming parents, so the news they were going to have a baby came as a shock. She was nearly 50 at the time, although both seem and act a decade younger. Their son is a very bright child, charming and well mannered. Even so I suppose becoming a parent by choice versus by accident is a different experience, and she struggled to be happy about it, or her marriage.

As far as I could see, a big part of their issues come from her attitude. She’s constantly focused on the negatives and has complained about the marriage and threatened divorce nearly from the start. Frankly, she’s a miserable person and difficult to be around.

One day, after walking me thru their home and describing all the remodeling projects she had underway, once again she started in on how she wasn’t haaaaapy, he wasn’t this or that, she was sick of it, and she may as well get a divorce.

Perhaps because I was a single mom she expected me to be on board. So I think she was a bit shocked when I pointed out how lucky she was that her biggest problem seemed to be what color of tile to choose while I was each and every month panicking about how I would pay the mortgage and other bills and not lose our home. I told her she had no idea how hard life as a single mom can be.  At the time she actually thanked me for providing some perspective, and I urged her to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. And to not create problems that were not there.

This was over a year ago. Unfortunately it sounds like she continued with the picking apart of the marriage and after years and years of it, he snapped. He said he was tired of the constant complaining, moved out to an apartment nearby, and has no interest in going back.

According to our mutual friend, it did not occur to the wife that HE might be the one to check out, and she is now desperately trying to get him to change his mind to no avail. She’s now panicking at the thought of being on her own, having to get a job, possibly living alone for the rest of her life. Easy street has come to an abrupt end. What color of tile to pick is no longer all she has to worry about.

I know several other women who share this same attitude toward their marriage, always picking it apart, never happy, constantly complaining. I suppose it is an easy habit to get into, but a very destructive one. They literally create problems that are not there. Only thinking about themselves, me, me, me. (If perhaps you have fallen into this trap, please stop it TODAY!)

For the record her husband is a good man. Smart. Faithful. Good looking. Steady. No major deal breaker flaws for sure. She could do a lot worse. Much. As far as I can see, there really isn’t any reason for her unhappiness except her own mental roadblock. And I would be willing to bet that mental roadblock will remain, she will continue to be negative and unhappy, but will no longer have the husband to blame. (Hopefully it will not then transfer to the son, who my heart breaks for having to go through all this.)

Ladies, happiness is an inside job. Don’t be foolish like this woman, tearing your house down with your own hands. That good man may just decide better to live in the corner of an attic with a leaky roof than spend one more day listening to a nagging, complaining wife. And at that point, as this woman has found, it may be too late.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Dating Dilemmas Decoded

22 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 280 Comments

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Ladies, if you find yourself puzzling over dating dilemmas such as what to do when a guy doesn’t call back, what men think about sex on the first date,  a simple way you can stand out from the rest, and more you’ll want to go to this informative dating blog written by a man cluing women into all those things about dating that never made sense, but suddenly will!

Now some of his advice may come across as blunt or even harsh at times, but if you take it like advice from a brother to his sister, his no holds barred, cut to the chase style becomes more a form of tough love to save you from many mistakes, broken hearts, and go nowhere situations.

In fact, I would suggest you go to this page that lists all of his posts, and start reading from the bottom up a few a day until you have read them all. By the time you do, dating will no longer be so much of a mystery and you will be armed with the knowledge you need to succeed in relationships, rather than wondering time and again what went wrong.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

The Enjoli Girl

17 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Fempire

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I may be dating myself, but when I was a young girl there was a perfume commercial with a very catchy jingle that pretty much summed up the times.

It went:

“I can bring home the bacon

Fry it up in a pan

And never, ever let him forget he’s a man

Cause I’m a woman

Enjoli!”

Granted by today’s standards this song symbolizing the liberated modern woman  ideal of that time almost sounds sexist. Were it rewritten today it would likely leave out the frying things up in a pan, or never letting him forget he’s a man, but trust me, at the time it was edgy.

Fast forward to today. Studies show women are more dissatisfied with their lives than they were in generations past, marriage rates at at a 93-year low, depression and other mental health issues are at all time highs, and things haven’t quite panned out the way they were supposed to.

So now what? When do we stop demanding more rights and concessions and change, and start realizing that’s not the answer? Realize that maybe the plan was flawed, and trying to have it all and all at once was actually a set up to fail?

I wish I knew how to fix this big old mess. I think talking about it openly would be a great a start. And admitting what was supposed to be the answer has actually led to other problems, more problems, unforeseen problems.

Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it? If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Male Privilege

09 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by in Gender

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“Male Privilege is having lived one of the most dangerous and tiring existences in history and still being told that men have always had it easy.”

The quote above from an anon Internet source got me thinking… do women really want true “male privilege?”

The privilege to work long hours doing dangerous tasks requiring hard physical labor in all sorts of weather? Like my friend’s husband who is an electrical lineman, climbing poles to repair broken lines even in the middle of a storm with driving rain and 100 mph winds so the heaters and fridges and tv’s still work?

Or the privilege to be sent to war, drafted if need be? Like so many who fought and were either permanently physically or mentally disabled or killed in wars past and present, personally paying to protect the safety and liberty of all?

The privilege of being expected to throw oneself in harms way selflessly and sacrificially in the face of any and all natural disaster, strife, intruders, danger or threat of bodily harm?

The privilege of never being able to show pain, or weakness, or illness? Of having to remain stoic on the outside regardless of injury, hurt, fear, angst, depression, doubt, or other internal turmoil? Of knowing not doing so will more likely be met with repulsion or ridicule than support?

I could go on, but hopefully the point is made. Men don’t have it easier, they have it different. Any privilege they have comes at an equal or greater price. Perhaps there are perks to being male, but there are also heavy responsibilities. I doubt most women would truly make the trade.

I’d wager many women upset about male privilege and inequality only want what they see as the upside of being male, not the downside. But it doesn’t really work like that, even for the most privileged men, now does it?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

It’s a Red Flag!!!

28 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 25 Comments

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Along the lines of the previous “red pill truths/blue pill lies” post, I had an interesting moment the other day.

Myself and some volunteer and paid crew were setting up for the day ahead. We had hours of work to do, and not a lot of spare time to waste.

Anyway, in the midst of this somehow someone brought up a friend of a friend who used to be in a well known band, but who like many in that situation, lost it all to sex, drugs, and rock and roll living and landed himself in jail. Well he just got out of prison and is looking for work.

My friend who was working here and knows him suggested, “Wouldn’t it be perfect for him to come and help out around here? He’s so talented!”

I replied, “I don’t doubt he is talented but my current squeeze has already said, “No.”

Rather than that being the end of that, my friend and a blue pill male volunteer jumped right on it — “That’s a red flag! He’s trying to control you! Who is he to say who can and can’t be here?” they howled.

I was already annoyed because we were behind schedule, so I just said at that time, “You know what guys, we’re not having this conversation. The guy is not working here, or even coming here, end of.”

I don’t think I was too popular at that moment but just one of the many things I have learned from the red pill is to not listen to such garbage scare tactics, or to fall into those types of no win debates.

(Background, the gal is an attractive but headed for the wall 45-year-old anxiety ridden hot mess (financially and otherwise) who seems to have a crush on the musician and the volunteer is a blue pill guy friend who has a thing for hot messes, so he was likely trying to show just how great, sensitive, evolved, and non-oppressive of a guy he was!)

Later, once the successful event was over, I followed up on the conversation with both and explained my other half wasn’t trying to be controlling, he was trying to help me avoid a common weakness of mine, which is to feel bad for people and to try to save them when really they need to save themselves, just the same as I do, or any adult does.

I explained further that he felt having an unknown ex-con, recovering heroin addict around may not be the best choice for my business, or (even more impt.) my kids. There is just too much potential downside and really not all that much upside.

His were not the words of an oppressive, abusive brute who is just trying to isolate me. They are the wise words and reasoning of someone who is trying to look out for me and my kids, someone who wants to help guide and protect us from needless suffering and mistakes.

Perhaps it was the curt way I said it the first time, when I was thinking to myself, “less talk, more work, people!” but both admitted after I explained the above that it actually was sound, good advice.

And it is advice I am going to take, because the guy who gave it to me has stood the test of time. He has looked out for me. The times I have not listened to his advice, I found out later that he had been right. The guy is one of the smartest people I have ever met. Why would I *NOT* listen to him?

Actually, it’s the first relationship in my life where I have had someone really like me for who I am (even my imperfections) and it is the least drama, least controlling, least problem relationship I have ever had! Amen! Finally!

They may not get it, but he’s my chosen Captain and I am happy to take his direction because I know he’s got this! Anyone who thinks I am going to side with them against the Captain is going to have to walk the plank, because around here, mutiny is not an option!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Thoughts on Brangelina

26 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

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Regular commenter Fuzzie got me thinking when he said:

“Something about what Ame said bothered me and I can’t get to the bottom of it. One thing that has bubbled to the surface is that men are in no position to control or affect what goes on in a woman’s head. That goes further to explain why Angelina Jolie could dump Brad Pitt than red pill wisdom.”

I am not much of a pop culture person, but it’s hard to ignore when the latest is continually on the cover of tabloids as I stand in line at the grocery store.

First off, let’s look at the body language:

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In the photo with Jennifer, it’s clear who runs the show, and her emotions. He’s the one being adored, she’s doing the adoring. I bet she’s thinking, “Wow, I am the luckiest girl alive!” Note his devilish, “You know it!” demeanor. Alpha.

Now look at the image with Angelina. Who holds the cards here? She’s the eternal standoffish ice princess, and he looks worried and drained, somehow not pleasing her right or enough. See how his body language has transformed? Fear of loss. Beta.

Now these are just two photos but if one was to do a Google search, they are pretty representative.

At the time Brad and Angelina denied an affair, but years later they admitted it was hanky panky on the set of the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith that started it all. Soon he left Jennifer utterly publicallyly humiliated, and then flaunted his new love. Soul mates, blah, blah, blah.

Then came the kids, in rapid succession. Both adopted and bio, the brood grew quickly and now Brad was in deep.

Angelina said in an interview how when their first bio child was born, a daughter, she couldn’t help but be appalled at her “privilege.” What an odd thing to say? That and the child has had her hair cut and has been dressed as a boy for long before it was likely the child’s choice. Odd.

Brad started to look more and more panicked as the years went on, and I could understand why. Angelina seemed to firmly run that show, Brad a mere appendage.

Their relationship broke many social norms at the time, and singlehandedly likely did more to move disposible commitments and children out of wedlock/babymommaism into the mainstream culture than anything ever had before. And it was all done so boldly, with no shame.

I imagine in time the truth behind the fairy tale love story act will come out. Perhaps in the form of a tell all book by one of the kids. But my guess is it won’t be good.

And despite all the proclamations that this was good progress, social norms best shattered in this modern age, guess what? It failed. Miserably. And with a nasty custody fight, complete with allegations that he was an abusive out of control brute.

It’s a good example of the difference in the relationship dynamics when he runs it versus when she does.

Moral of the story? Never stick your dick in crazy.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

A French Take on Feminism

30 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Fempire

≈ 40 Comments

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Hello all, I am still very busy with real life projects but all is going well, GREAT in fact! 🙂

So to keep things going, here’s a video from Marion Le Pen (the even more outspoken niece of Marine Le Pen, who is running for the leader of France) and her take on feminism. Watch. Consider. Discuss.

Do you think she is right? Too much? Not enough? Please share in the comments!

Nature is Sexist!

21 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Gender

≈ 9 Comments

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There is a difference between sexism and biology. And before throwing down the “sexist” claim, it’s important to understand the difference.

Sexism is basically telling people (historically women) that they cannot do X, Y, or Z because of their sex. These things were possible, but due to social constraints were not “acceptable” and so they were forbidden. That’s sexism.

However, there are certain things in life that may appear sexist at first blush, but are actually biological constraints. These are not sexist, although they may be sex-specific.

Men cannot, for example, have babies. That is not sexist, that’s biology.

Or to make examining such things less heated, it’s often helpful to extrapolate from the animal world, from nature in general, to understand the difference between sexism and biology.

Besides the seahorse and Emperor penguin and a few other token examples, for the most part, by and large, it is the female of the species who does the bulk of the work rearing the young. Now one could fight it is not “fair” till the cows come home, but it simply is what it is.

Without mothering, most offspring simply do not survive or if they do they are confused and unprepared for what lies ahead.  Sure there are examples of animals who need no mothering or fathering (sea turtles, for example), but again if that’s the way they are biologically designed that is a far cry from it being a “choice.”

In the animal kingdom, none fight this. They simply go about life doing their biological role and everything works out great.

We humans, despite being the “most intelligent” species on the planet, seem to be the only ones who want to ignore biology and define it for ourselves.

It’s at most a fool’s errand. But people still do.

Let those who have ears hear!

Can you name some examples of this either in your life or that you have seen in the lives of others? Please share in the comments!