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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: break ups

SIW Meltdown

16 Saturday Sep 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 142 Comments

Tags

break up, break ups, dating, love, marriage, midlife, red pill, relationships, remarriage, SIW

For the past few weeks, among other things, I have had a front row seat at a SIW (single independent woman) meltdown of epic proportions. For my friend, age 43, the red pill realities of the wall, the SIW fallacy, and more are all coalescing at a fast and furious pace.

Ever since moving out on her own she’s “done it on her own.” She married briefly in her 30s, no kids, but fought the yoke hard and decided she was better off on her own than, “stuck with some man.”

After that she held various office jobs, and met her current beau there. Unlike her former husband, an artistic sigma, this executive level, successful, attractive divorced (frivorce, brutally) father of six had all the markings of “a good provider.”

They have dated for several years now but as far as I can see he’s firmly MTGOW (even if he doesn’t know the term) and seems quite happy with their seperate houses, “I’ll see ya when I see ya,” lifestyle.

About two years ago she tired of the drudgery of going to her dead end office job day after day, so she threw caution to the wind, quit, and made do with a conglomeration of jewelry making, pet sitting, and house cleaning gigs. But it wasn’t enough to live the same lifestyle as before, so she supplemented that with credit card debt, figuring it would, “all turn around someday.” Perhaps the day her beau proposed. But he didn’t.

Now, she’s exceptionally good looking, with a darling figure and perky rack. So things have mostly gone her way in life. But for what she has in the looks department she lacks in the emotional control category.

As the weeks and months went on, she became less and less emotionally stable. She often picks fights with her boyfriend, demanding he “Step up or else,” which is followed by a period of him ghosting and her begging him back.

As you may have guessed, things have come to a head and she’s been forced by financial circumstances to move out of her apartment. When no offer from her beau came, I hesitatingly offered her a room at my place in exchange for housecleaning and landscaping, while she “gets back on her feet.”

For the past two weeks she’s drug her feet as moving day approached, fighting tooth and nail daily with her beau who was helping her out financially, tying up loose ends, and trying to help her pack.

He confessed to me he didn’t know how much more he could take, and that he didn’t understand her behavior.

“It’s simple,” I said. “She wants to move in with you, not me.” But he said it simply wasn’t possible.

Yesterday was her last day at the apartment. They spent nearly 24 hours doing what she could have done over the past few weeks. And at 2 a.m. she was texting that she, “just needed a few more hours.”

He says the fighting has been intense, and they have yet to arrive here the following morning.  I am sure she’s doing all she can to try to force his hand in the direction she wants things to go, but she’s kidding herself.

He told me not to tell her but he’s leaving on a guys trip this evening for the next two weeks. I guess I will be doing my best to help her pick up the pieces. Based on how she’s acted the past few days, I’d be surprised if he comes back.

Many SIW think in youth that they can decide when and where they will finally settle down with the Mr. Big of their dreams, only to find life isn’t a movie script. Nobody owes anyone anything anymore under the new social rules. And other people get to make their own choices, too.

Yes, women today have the freedom to make their own choices. But they should remember, choices have consequences, and nothing in life is all upside. Play your hand poorly or well, but you’ll live with the results either way you choose. Just like guys have always “been free” to do.

She’s got 40 years or so to go, no savings, no kin, no skills that someone younger won’t do for less, and a guy who can’t wait to be rid of her. That’s going to be a tough hand to play. I’ll be doing my best to red pill her a spoonful a day, because getting her head on straight and quickly is about the only chance she’s got, as far as I can see.

Let those with ears hear.

The Wide and Narrow Gates

21 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 52 Comments

Tags

break up, break ups, breakups, casual sex, dating, divorce, love, marriage, relationships, right, wide and narrow gate, wrong

There is a passage in scripture that talks about the wide and narrow gates. And whether you are a religious person or not, I do believe the concept offers good advice on living your life well.

Most people go for the wide gate. It’s easy, everyone else is doing it, and when you do so you are in the majority. The wide gate is like a big tent, anything goes, nobody judges, and the standards are low (or nonexistent.)

Few choose the narrow gate. The narrow gate asks one to rise above their basest natures and desires and to forgo short term pleasures and ease for a long term vision aligned with Truth and doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

At first glance there are few drawbacks to the wide gate, and many to the narrow one.

But in reality the wide gate is the path of pain, disappointment, betrayal, anguish, drama, and loss — not only in some life-after-death way, but also very much in the here and now.

The narrow gate, at first glance costly, actually is protection against pain, loss, betrayal, hurt, deception, and the like. Today, in this life, right now. It is the path of wisdom, the path of self-love.

I have watched many friends take the wide path in “love” and to end up suffering horribly for it. Men who used them. Men who lied to them. Men who cheated on them. Men who gave them lifelong illnesses. It seems only in movies and fairy tales that the wide path leads to true love and happiness.

Taking the narrow path may mean not dating as much, sitting home on Saturday nights, even being made fun of for not doing what everyone else is doing. But in the long run, all that is a small price to pay for having standards that will lead to true and lasting love and happiness.

As I wrote before, bake cookies. Be that girl. And once you find love, stay on the narrow path. That would be my advice.

Let those who have ears hear!

 

Head Games Don’t Pay Off

13 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 64 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, beta orbiter, betrayal, break up, break ups, cheating, children, commitment, dreams, head games, love, loyalty, marriage, mind games, plate spinning, red pill, security, single

I have written about my former neighbor I nicknamed Vixen before more than once. Last time I wrote about her she was about to have a baby, and was torn between the dad who wouldn’t commit and the beta orbiter who would.

The baby is now almost 10 months old and sure is a cute little guy! He has a very even temperament and is the “easy baby” all moms hope for. I think God knew what she could handle, and cut her a lot of slack!

She still continues to waffle between the two choices, never fully committing or detaching from either one. So things continue to be a cluster.

The other night I had a little red pill heart to heart with her, and explained that a big reasons she (and her kids) are in the situation she’s in is due to her fence sitting. In classic projection she’s the one who is really unwilling to commit to either path 100%, not them, and the longer it goes on the more damage is being done.

Honestly I am surprised they both have not given up on her by now, but from what I see both guys are willing to commit to her *IF* she would commit to them. But she can’t decide, and that is the problem.

The baby’s father has a great job but it is and always has been in a different state. He comes home frequently, but as he has explained to her multiple times if he were to take a job closer to home, he’d be taking a 2/3 pay cut as well.

He’s got an Alpha temperament and so the more she tries to bend him to her will, the more distance he puts between them. I have met him and seen them interact and she constantly “shit tests” him whenever he comes home for the weekend. His reaction? He doesn’t want to be around her, and so he leaves.

As I watched her once again bring up the tired old, “We wouldn’t fight if you were here, it’s your job that is the problem,” yada yada last time he visited, I could not help but interrupt, “Haven’t we had this fight already?” (Not to mention in front of myself and the kids!)

He’s made it pretty clear he is more than willing to pay her rent and commit to her *if* she will stop the nagging and fighting and would drop the orbiter. And yet she just can’t seem to stop herself, even when it leads to him breaking things off and dating other women for awhile, which he has done. He’s a good guy but he simply is not going to tolerate her behavior.

Her beta orbiter is also a great guy. But she says as much as she wishes she felt “tingles” with him, she doesn’t. He’s too available, too ready to run to her aid, too willing to put up with her nonsense. It kills  her attraction but he just can’t seem to stop himself. He’s holding on in hopes that he will be the last guy standing in the end.

During our red pill talk I asked her which one she wanted. She said the baby’s father, ideally, which I also agree now that baby is here and he is willing if she can learn to curb her tongue. But I explained to her he would never be all in unless she was too. And that means cutting off the beta orbiter and his “help” 100% completely. And of course all other potential orbiters or relationships with single men who are attracted to her.

I also pointed out that her behavior was driving him away, and that rather than fight with him every time he comes to town, maybe she should welcome him, make a fuss, treat him like a king, and not complain. Make her place somewhere he can’t wait to get to rather than run away from.

He’s got the opportunity to transfer to an equal job here within the next six months.  So I suggested she spend the next six months cementing the relationship than continue to play foolish games. Cut off the other guy completely in the meantime, as his involvement and help only makes things more confusing. She simply can’t have both. She agreed it made sense.

Then, this weekend, just two days after our talk she spent most of her time with guess who? The beta orbiter. Ug!

I didn’t say anything, but she knows what I think. She’s playing with fire and it’s going to end up with her and her kids getting burned I am afraid.

She has taken note of my own long distance relationship, also due to work constraints. Rather than fight with him and make it an issue, I patiently wait because I realize it is in both of our best interest he ride out the next few years to get a full retirement that will be a huge benefit to us both! In the meantime we are in frequent contact, never fight, and see each other as often as his leave time allows. On weekends I stay home and I stay away from “friendships” with single guys because I don’t want him to even have to question where I stand. I have chosen him and that’s that. I do all I can to prove I am a good bet rather than play games and try to make him prove himself to me! He’s all in, but I know he would not be if I were not, too! (And I respect that!)

The bottom line is men don’t share. They just don’t. And men don’t like a bunch of drama either. Her own behavior is why she is single and has a commitment from nobody, while meanwhile I don’t have a care in the world and all is swell! I know she’s watching how I am handling my own situation differently, and I hope it will click for her, although honestly there’s already a LOT of damage done in the last 2-3 years she’s played games. I don’t see how either relationship could ever be what it fully could have been had she not played games. I wonder if she will ever get that?

What do you think? Have you ever seen a woman try to run a relationship as if she is an Alpha male? Except she isn’t, so the plate spinning and jealousy does not work in her favor? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

(Personally I think both guys should RUN!!! But softie that I am, I still hope for her, her kid’s, and the guys sake she will figure it out before they do.)

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

Are Women Being Raised to Fail?

29 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 51 Comments

Tags

blue pill, break up, break ups, career woman, dating, divorce, family, feminism, marriage, parenting, red pill, relationships

Something I realized very quickly after discovering the red pill was that myself and most women (and men) born in after the late 1960s in America have basically been raised to fail in life and love.

Now I am not saying it was intentional. I really do think at least some people thought changing the social contract between men and women was going to be a step forward. Progress. Better. Utopia, even.

Of course others involved in the movement did so because for whatever reason the old social contract wasn’t working for them. Maybe they were trapped in a bad marriage. Maybe they had been abused. Maybe they were not attracted to or interested in men. But something all these women who started the feminist movement had in common is they were not happily and successfully relating with men, and so were they really in the best position to advise women how to fix that?

Pretty much all the advice I got growing up from multiple sources about how to be a happy, strong, successful woman turned out to have done more harm than good in my life and relationships. And as I look around at the other “modern” women I know, they too are experiencing the same.  Relationships not working. Priorities out of wack. Lack of balance. Workaholism. Unhappiness. Frazzled. Families falling apart. Dysfunction. Depression. Anxiety. Confusion. Etc.

My theory is that this is the blue pill version for females. Men were sold the “Be nicer. Be more sensitive. Be more like a woman,” line at the same time women were being told, “Be tough, be outspoken, be more like a man.”

Simultaneously, women were also being warned that men were the enemy, that they couldn’t be trusted, that they needed to always be financially independent of men because of that, and that they always needed to be on guard against them.

It wasn’t until I saw my babysitter living a truly traditional life that I actually saw how the old social contract worked, and worked pretty well. (You can read about her in more detail here.)

She’s always happy. She loves her life. She loves her husband. Her husband loves her. Their kids are happy and well behaved. She’s gracious and feminine and mild. And rather than treat her like a doormat, he cherishes her for it. She oversees the home and children sphere, he brings home the bacon. Of all the marriages I have seen, theirs has the least amount of discord or unhappiness of all. It works. It works really well, actually.

It’s something to ponder for sure, whether these social changes of the past 40 years have actually made life better for women. And men. And children. Or are things worse?

What do you think?

 

 

 

A Good Question

28 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 44 Comments

Tags

break up, break ups, commitment, commitment phobia, dating, divorce, marriage, red pill, relationships

Reader Mega recently questioned if he should continue to date a woman who he gets along with in every way except ideologically?

Apparently the recent election brought things to a head, with him on one side and her on another. As the discussions continued, the divide chafed more and more.

From what I have seen opposites may attract, but over time seeing the world from opposing viewpoints can lead to increasing strife, which is a lot harder to live with long term than increasing harmony.

He wondered if it was possible perhaps she would change her point of view with time? It’s a big “if.”

Now I do believe people can and do change their point of view, as I certainly did upon discovering the red pill, but usually people have to do so on their own. It’s not something you can really talk someone else into.

In the long run I would say it is easier to be with someone who shares your worldview, than opposes it. Especially if they can’t agree to disagree.

After all, isn’t life complicated enough? Yes. Yes it is.

As one man explained it to me once, ladies, men spend their whole lives scrapping with each other in the public sphere — for jobs, for status, for recognition, for respect, for territory, for everything basically. The last thing a guy wants to do is retreat into his private world and encounter strife or competition there as well. No. A man wants and needs his woman to be a soft place to land.

If I were a betting gal, chances are Mega’s 50-some-year-old girlfriend will soon be on her own once again. Perhaps,  it will be a moment of awakening. Perhaps not.

But the chances of a cantankerous 50-some-year-old woman finding someone willing to put up with such behavior for long are slim. Really, it’s not “attractive” to most men to be in a constant debate with a partner. Perhaps, she should think about it before it is too late. Maybe better for her to  just drop it, even if she doesn’t change her point of view, rather than continue the verbal sparring?

 

Games Girls Play

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships, Uncategorized

≈ 161 Comments

Tags

attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, blue pill, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, dating, divorce, hookups, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, remarriage, romance

A post over at The Rational Male and the comments that follow got me thinking about some of the games girls play, and how men are getting hip to such games and are countering with self-preservation strategies of their own.

(NOTE: A word to the wise, before you go to that blog and post how “not all women are like that” NAWALT or to try to argue, just don’t. I guarantee you will not be met with understanding or a warm reception. It’s a “guy space.” Please respect that and just read but not comment. Comment here instead.)

For example, consider this comment by YaReally from a guy point of view of such games, and ask yourself how many times have you seen a girlfriend do this (or have done it yourself?) Then ask yourself if you were a guy, how would you feel if almost every girl you dated offered you this deal?

“No man “committing” to a girl raised in 2016 culture is in a monogamous LTR. He’s in a one-sided pLTR (Primary LTR, a primary partner with multiple orbiters/side-poon) but in the GIRL’S favor (aka she keeps her options available while he restricts his own).

Social media and women out of the kitchen and into the workplace etc creates a system where women can openly gather and string orbiters along and openly seek higher-value options than her current man and this is socially acceptable because it’s all done under the guise of “just being friends” or anonymity.

If her significant other tries to restrict her access to that stuff, he’s labelled controlling, insecure, jealous, abusive, etc And if the guy keeps his own options open, he’s a player, cheat, unfaithful, emotionally abusive, etc

In the old days, before modern technology (especially before phones were invented but even in, like, the 50s say), a woman had to go out of her way to gather and keep orbiters around. It took actual effort and even if she went out looking she really only had access to a handful of men besides her husband. Once she determined that he was her best option, her Hypergamy was satisfied enough to make a relationship work long-term. That doesn’t mean women didn’t cheat, or weren’t subconsciously still on the prowl for some mysterious high-value stranger who passes through town, but like, it was significantly more difficult to entertain that shit (plus she had other shit to do with her day, like keeping the house/family taken care of before modern technology turned cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc into short often automated tasks that give her tons of free time to be bored).

But today’s technology means that a girl can be dating the greatest catch in her social circle, but still potentially have access to an even higher value guy through her social media. And if she switches to that guy, when he’s sitting on the couch beside her being boring, she can be communicating with a AAA celebrity through her social media.

Hypergamy doesn’t “shut off”, it NEVER sleeps…it’s ALWAYS there, always pinging for value. If you can keep her away from other men that don’t necessarily HAVE higher-value than you but that she PERCEIVES *MAY* have higher-value than you in HER value system of what constitutes high-value (which causes her to feel that compelling instinctive urge to test to SEE if he is juuuust incase he IS and she should pursue him), then you have a shot. But all the actions that would help that are demonized and villified as controlling, abusive, etc thanks to feminism pushing for Open Hypergamy and Open Cuckolding. This is why they’ll keep pushing that stuff trying to program boys from an early age so that it’s normalized to them when they’re adults and they don’t question the arrangement where they give up all their options while the girl says she does but is still pinging for better in the background thanks to the technology that’s made that abundant, easy and discreet (and connected her to astronomically high-value males like celebrities).

The ruse is that a relationship where a man gives up all his options and is sexually faithful to a woman, while the woman is sexually faithful to him (for now) but is constantly subconsciously on the prowl for better (because social media and being in male spaces like male workplaces and hobbies) under an “innocent” frame of “oh that’s just some guy from work, it’s no big deal, why are you getting jealous don’t be so insecure!”, is still “a monogamous relationship”.

That’s NOT a monoLTR. That is a pLTR in the woman’s favor. No guy dating/settling with a girl in 2016 is settling into a “monogamous LTR”, he’s settling into a “pLTR in the woman’s favor”. Like, guys need to really let that concept sink in.

The only guys in ACTUAL monoLTRs are guys who’s significant others don’t (or barely) use social media (so a lot of guys with older wives which is why I stress the raised in 2016 culture thing, or if you can find like, an Amish girl lol), and/or don’t (or barely) spend time in male spaces around other men (like working at a place where she’s surrounded by high-value men).

Literally any girl with social media is only offering guys a pLTR in her favor, but everyone in society including the man agreeing to it will still call it a monoLTR, and that man will find himself frustrated that she has orbiters posting/flirting on her Facebook wall but will then realize he’s in a Kobayashi Maru when he tries to call her out on it and is labelled jealous/insecure for it…he won’t be able to articulate it unless he’s a Red Pill guy and even then it depends on how much of the pill he’s swallowed, but he’ll instinctively know that him sitting on the couch watching Netflix while she sits beside him surfing Facebook and responding to guys on her Facebook wall, that something isn’t “right” with that agreement he’s entered. Because it’s lopsided in her favor.

This is why I’m pushing for guys to understand and explore the dynamics of how pLTRs and oLTRs work, and how oLTRs naturally become pLTRs if you can keep her Hypergamy triggered, and just REQUIRING a pLTR from her already puts you near the top of her Hypergamous options because it’s giving her all the shit she needs (dread, jealousy, etc) and giving you all the shit you need (sexworthiness, charisma to flirt with other girls, abundance mentality to walk away, etc) for her to stay attracted to you.

And it’s why I’m pushing for guys to start experimenting with pLTRs so we can get more guys in them and get more guys thinking about how we can successfully have and raise kids in a pLTR (in the man’s favor) arrangement with no legal ties and possibly accepting the fact that women may not stay past the 7 year itch and prepare for accepting that and prospering within the new system.

Because the old system is DEAD. MonoLTRs don’t exist anymore. I can’t re-state that enough.

Unless you can keep your girl jobless in your home and off all forms of social media (even the seemingly innocent ones that are for hobby groups or business networking etc)…which with a 20+yo girl in 2016 with a huge social network, is pretty unrealistic (her friends/family (who are all in shitty relationships themselves) will likely view you as abusive and be trying to turn her against you to “save” her from the horror that is your relationship actually having a chance at working out lol). You may manage to make an “LTR” work in 2016 with a girl raised in 2016 culture, but understand that unless you’re pro-actively running a pLTR in your favor, you are making a “pLTR in her favor” work, not a “monoLTR”.

This is a big part of why marriage is a bad deal. Even if you marry a chick who doesn’t use social media, and get her to quit her job to be a housewife, when she’s sitting around at home all day long bored out of her mind, she’s VERY likely going to end up getting social media to have some kind of contact with the outside world, and now you’re legally tied to a pLTR in her favor. The best you can do is even the odds out with your own girls, but you’ve signed legal paperwork handing her all the power in the world to destroy your life if you miscalibrate at some point in the next 40+ years.

And none of this is even taking into account the social conditioning girls are receiving from an early age telling them boyfriends and commitment and monogamy are all a drag that keeps you from having fun going to Avicii concerts with your BFF girlfriends and hooking up with guys and you’ll be young forever and Amy Schumer gets the rich doctor when she’s 35 and shit.”

Or in other words, if you are a girl who wants to have a successful relationship in an era where more and more men are seeing trading commitment for sex in an era of free and easy sex and no fault divorce as a fools game, you should NOT play such games.

And the thing is, you may fall into playing these girl games without even realizing that you are doing it or why. Because women are hard wired to seek the best match possible (hypergamy). At one time, engagement/marriage was the end of that, largely because women who divorced without VERY GOOD reasons were ostracized. But not anymore. The removal of the social stigma of divorce and/or serial monogamy (moving from one sexually active “LTR” to the next) have removed the safeguards that in the past protected men once they committed to a woman that she would stay and be committed to him. Being conscious of said girl games and guarding yourself from playing them will set you ahead of the other girls who are playing such games. Often because dating and relationship advice aimed at women encourages such games.

In days past, men were the ones who were on the commitment hot seat. Not anymore. Today it is the woman who needs to prove her worthiness of commitment, not the other way around. Why? Because more often than not today women are the ones to initiate breaking said commitment, not him. And she will get plenty of support from society when she decides to break said commitment, unlike a guy who will still be shamed for doing so.

Many a woman today can be heard wailing, “Where have all the good guys gone?” But the truth is in many (most) cases, the actions of women themselves, the very real financial and emotional risks a man takes by getting legally entangled with a women via marriage and children, and the obvious societal support for women to hold the right to exercise moving on (or up) whenever she sees fit without condemnation or shame, have chased those good guys off. Not the other way around.

Why are the good guys dropping out? Because modern women are presenting them with a no-win deal. End of. Why commit to someone who always has the socially sanctioned and even encouraged option to uncommit to you? Instead, they choose to opt out by playing the “let’s not commit” game themselves.

So before we blame the guys, ladies, it’s good to do a personal inventory and ask yourself, are you playing girl games — and likely losing now that men are getting hip to these games? If so, perhaps it’s time to do and be different.

What do you think? Please share in the comments, while at the same time respecting the point of view of other commenters.

 

 

Divorce Doesn’t Fix Your Life

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 39 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, break up, break ups, commitment, dating, divorce, marriage, red pill, relationships, remarriage, single parenting

There are several married women in my life who are pondering divorce. Not because they are being abused, or oppressed, mistreated, cheated on, or because their spouse has an active addiction. No, it’s because many of them are bored, feeling restless, or simply thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

I do my best to repeatedly encourage them to water the grass they have, to do all they can to nurture and repair their marriage rather than dwelling on the idea that divorce will suddenly “fix” everything that’s wrong in their lives. It won’t.

Sadly, it seems women today who are struggling in their marriage are far more likely to be advised to leave than to work things out.

Yet, many women I know who are divorced and or single parenting would be the first to tell you that life post-divorce may have been new, exciting, and easier for awhile, but that in time they find themselves with mounting financial problems, disappointing relationships, co-parenting conflicts, watching their children struggle, trouble keeping up with everything at home and work on their own, social fallout, job insecurity, and more.

Those who are honest often will say they regret divorcing for angsty reasons, and that their life is worse off for it. They miss the days when they were part of a couple facing the world together rather than facing the world on their own. They’re depressed, exhausted, worn down, and feeling hopeless as the years slip by and they have not found the happier pastures they thought would be straight ahead.

Many have watched their former spouse remarry or strike out on a life of his own minus the struggles they themselves face. Some have watched children drift away, angry or resentful for the burdens divorce has caused in their own life and world.

There are a lot of sappy movies, magazine articles, and books trumpeting the single independent woman lifestyle, jokes about “starter” marriages, and the like. But the truth is being divorced and alone sucks a lot of the time, and sucks more and more as time goes on.

Sure, I do know a few women who have successfully remarried and who are happy. But I know a lot more who have yet to find that, or if they have the new relationship is no better (and often worse) than the marriage they left.

So if you find yourself thinking that divorce will fix everything, take a step back and really look around in your life. How many women do you know in real life that it has truly worked for? Children that it has worked for? How many do you know that it has not?

Life is not a romantic comedy. Happy endings are often forged from hard work, realistic expectations, appreciation, and extending the olive branch not by launching out into the great unknown, where happiness may await but catastrophe is just as likely.

As someone put it, getting divorced is more like going through treatment for cancer than it is a trip to the cosmetic surgeon and spa.

Marriage goes thru phases. Sometimes “fixing” it isn’t as important as just hanging in there until you get to the other side of the rapids and back to calm, clear water. No need to hack a hole in the bottom of the boat thinking that’s the solution!

My advice? Don’t. Swallow your pride, start being kind to your husband, put aside past hurts, take charge of creating your own happiness right where you are instead of looking for it outside, and start your marriage anew. Many women who have done just that report they are happier than ever before, and that the results were well worth the effort.

A wise woman builds up her home while a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

What Is A Red Pill Woman?

18 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill, Uncategorized

≈ 82 Comments

Tags

attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, blue pill, break ups, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, divorce, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, sex

My apologies for not writing much lately, I have been busy with real life endeavors as well as enjoying some summer fun!

But to keep things going, I wanted to share an oldie-but-goodie post from the red pill blog “Married Man Sex Life” on the topic of what a “Red Pill Woman” looks like.  The entire original post can be found here: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/08/what-exactly-is-a-red-pill-woman/.

He lists 20 qualities a truly “Red Pill Woman” would posses: (Hope he won’t mind me re-posting the list here for ease of commenting upon!)

Have a look and share what you think in the comments!

“(1)  Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2)  Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3)  Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4)  Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5)  Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6)  Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7)  Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8)  Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9)  Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10)  Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11)  Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12)  Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13)  Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14)  Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15)  Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16)  With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17)  Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18)  Has a sense of humor.

(19)  Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20)  Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.”

It’s a high bar these days, for sure, but is a path less traveled that I believe would lead such a woman toward a lifelong stable relationship versus a lifetime of serial monogamy or casual hook ups and unstable pairings.

Anything missing? Anything you agree/disagree with? Do you know any women like this?

 

 

 

 

Flip the Script

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 51 Comments

Tags

bad boys, battle of the sexes, break ups, casual sex, commitment, dating, divorce, hookups, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance

Frustrated by dating, marriage, relationships, or lack of today? Try flipping the script.

Why? Pretty much the entire modern dating narrative is the exact opposite of what works!

For women: be feminine, follow the advice in this blog’s many posts (this being #200!), revel in your “woman-ness.”

For men: be masculine, and what the reds pill guys advise (I am not sure how to summarize that but feel free to try in the comments!), and revel in your man-ness.

There’s a lot more to it than this but basically what everyone else is doing, don’t! Do the opposite.

It could hardly be any worse than what is happening today, right? Worth a try! Trust me…what have you got to lose?

Please share your thoughts on what works or doesn’t about the modern day script in the comments!

Life Cycle of a SIW

26 Thursday May 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 67 Comments

Tags

attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, blue pill, break up, break ups, career woman, casual sex, commitment, dating, divorce, feminism, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, remarriage, romance, single independant woman

For as long as I can remember, nearly everyone in a position of authority has advised me and other women of my generation and those who followed to craft a life as a “strong independent woman” or SIW rather than to follow a traditional path of marriage young and for life.

In theory, being a SIW frees a woman from the oppression and control of a life dependent upon a man. With her own education, career, money, and independent nature she can conquer the world on her own terms, thank you very much! Such a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, it was once said.

I know a women who is now in her early 60s who has followed the SIW path, an early adopter of sorts, and her story in many ways exemplifies the life cycle of a SIW.

In her youth she did marry to a charismatic “bad boy” and had two sons, only to find out a few years into the marriage that bad boys don’t change and when he tired of her, off he went leaving her alone to raise their two children. Back in those days mandatory child support and other things were not in place, so she was truly on her own.

She’s highly talented and so she channelled her energy into becoming one of the top interior designers in our area. She is yet quite a looker, so I can only imagine her in her youth. Doors opened thanks to her charming smile and crafty ways. She was on top of the world, at one point not getting out of bed for less than $10,000 a day in her early 40s. Life was easy. The richest people in the area courted her skills.

Then for reasons she has never fully explained, she decided to move to a South American country on a whim, thinking she could just take her talents and abilities along, recreating her highly successful career wherever she went.

For ten years she held onto that dream (and/or perhaps another bad boy relationship she’s never admitted to) that never materialized. In fact it only went from bad to worse as the years marched on. I followed her tales of struggle on Facebook, and even sent her money a few times when she was so desperately poor she didn’t even have food to eat.

She’s never outright said so, but she’s hinted heavily that she even turned to prostitution as a means of survival during those days. But what she didn’t realize was that even though her looks had always opened doors for her with men, other stars were rising as hers faded, and her ability to get men to do whatever she wanted whenever she needed was fading with it.

Two years ago, when she neared her 60th birthday she finally had to give up and moved back to the United States. She lives with her adult son and struggles to find even the minimum of work in the field she used to own outright. In her absence, other designers moved in, and now they are the talk of the town while those who used to vie for her attention barely remember her name. In addition, she does not have the ability  (or desire) to work long hours like she once did.

Her options are limited, and she knows she exists only on the good graces of her son and his family. But it is precarious, as his own marriage is under duress and his wife resents having the additional dependent, even if she cooks, cleans, and watches the kids. Her sons are not that bonded to their mother either, resenting how she often put her own life before theirs during their childhood, partly out of economic necessity but also out of her self-absorbed need to be the best of the best, admired by all.

She realizes now what she did not in her youth — being a SIW might be a whirlwind prior to age 40 or so, but the plan falls apart as a woman enters her golden years. Thinking the party would never end and that she could always support herself, she didn’t bother to save for retirement or plan for the years when she will not be able to work.

Prior to age 40 or so, she had many wealthy men who wished to marry her, in addition to many admiring lovers, but she turned them away not wanting to be “tied down.” Today, her chances of finding a husband willing to make up for her complete lack of assets at this point is slim, and even if she could find such a man, she’s so used to being alone I am not sure she could even make the transition from SIW to wife at this point.

In many ways, hers is a modern day version of the famed courtesans of the belle epoch period in France. Committed to no man, but lover of many, they also found the party came to an abrupt end with age, and many of those who once ruled the social scene and were quite sought after, pampered, and spoiled by their admirers often ended up destitute, alone, and abandoned in the end.

So beware, ladies, the siren call of the SIW life. Nothing is free, and there is always a price to pay for coloring outside the lines. Far better to find a good man early in life, commit to him, raise children, build a life together, and live out your golden years safely surrounded by the stable family and life you and your partner have built. Women who do so end their lives as the venerated crown jewel of their family, the adored matriarch.

Perhaps it lacks to dramatic highs and lows of the SIW life cycle, but as my friend would be the first to admit, better than facing a precarious crash landing just when one needs stability the most.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

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