Tag Archives: career

The Lost Job

05 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill

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A meeting with my oldest’s guidance counselor led to an interesting teachable moment afterward.

The meeting was a fairly standard, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” one. Would she go to college? Trade school? Etc.

After the meeting she expressed some valid concerns, including feeling like she wasn’t ready to choose. And to be honest, she is fairly young to make such a decision.

I explained it was just the start of the discussion and that she really has several years to figure it out. There are tests she can take to help her narrow things down by identifying her aptitude’s and interests.

Seeing the opening I dropped in a red pill. “You know when I was your age, there was a really important job option nobody ever talked about.”

”Really?” she asked. “What?”

”The job of taking care of the homefront,” I replied. “Supporting a husband so he could work while the wife took care of all the tasks that help keep life running smoothly like cooking, cleaning, gardening, and childcare.”

I explained when I was her age they told us what a “waste of our potential” staying home and taking care of things would be.

But as she has seen firsthand as the child of a “career mom,” what happens is that stuff either doesn’t get done or gets done on the margins.

I pointed out some people we know who have taken that path, and how well it has worked for themselves and their families. I explained how I often felt I had been sold a half truth, and that had I chosen a different path my life might have been far less stressful, difficult, and overwhelming.

I could tell she liked the idea that maybe she didn’t have to be a career gal like myself. That maybe there was another way.

She said she did want to have an education, and job skills, and to have some work experience, “just in case.” I used her former babysitter as an example of someone who had done just that, and how if her husband ever needed her to take the lead because he was ill or something, she had the education and marketable skills to do so.

It was a really good discussion and one I hope she factors in as she chooses her life path.

Time will tell. But at least she and I are having the discussions I wish someone would have had with me at her age.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

A Pre-Feminism Tale

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Fempire

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The other day I was talking with a friend who is in her early 60s. She happened to mention, in passing, that her grandmother had been a doctor.

Yes, that’s right, her GRANDMOTHER had been a doctor, specializing in head injuries, no less.

Now considering my friend is a baby boomer, that means her grandmother became a doctor many, many years before feminism supposedly opened up such opportunities to women. How could that be? So naturally I asked more questions.

Interestingly, it turns out her grandmother followed the path currently advised by the red pill, she married young to a good man, had their four children young, raised them while her husband worked his career, and then once their children were grown (her early 40s) she went to college, became a doctor, and started her career. Her grandmother practiced medicine well into her 80s.

It had never occurred to my friend that what her grandmother had accomplished, becoming a female doctor, was perhaps unusual for her time until I pointed it out.

This story is a good example of how today’s thinking that women should put off marriage and children until after she establishes her education and career may not be the optimal path after all. Or that if she marries and has children young, she will “miss” her chance to have a career.

Traditionally women followed their ideal biological life path — having children in their early 20s during their prime childbearing years, then shifting gears toward career as they reached their perimenopausal and menopausal years — when they are unencumbered by children and also will not have to “pause” that career once it is underway, like a woman who aims to establish her career early in life likely will when/if she chooses to have children later in life.

I have known many women of my generation (including myself, I am in my mid-40s and have young children) who put off childbearing until the last possible biological moment because they were mislead that they had all the time in the world to have kids, but not a career.

I was lucky to concieve both times easily and quickly despite my advanced age. Two of  three dear friends heartbreakingly never conceived despite expensive ($10,000+) infertility treatments. A third did finally succeed (happily!) after many tens of thousands of dollars and multiple attempts and is now finding just how difficult it is in reality to maintain a demanding career with an infant. Yet she’s afraid to take time off, lose her connections, and then be unable to restart her career later. A fourth friend didn’t start thinking of marriage and kids until she was in her mid 30s. She has yet to find a mate and at 45, children are now unlikely.

Sadly, these women followed the supposedly new and improved life script, only to find out it has some drawbacks they had never been advised of. No path is perfect. All paths involve possible trade offs. And they always have. And they always will.

It’s something young women of today would be wise to ponder. Does the path recommended to women today really make the most sense based on what she wants in life?

Perhaps the path my babysitter has chosen (to get her degree, have kids, then pursue her career with some additional refresher training when her children are older, then pursue her career in earnest for the second half of her life) lines up more naturally with a woman’s seasons of life?

The thing about life paths is there often aren’t do-overs later when one regrets the path chosen or is unhappy with the trade-offs. So best to figure it out early, and be sure you have thought things through. Both paths involve risk and uncertainty, is one path riskier and less certain?

Discuss. Deliberate. Ponder.

 

I Want to Be a Mom!

04 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Gender

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I can clearly remember sitting in a circle in my second grade classroom (around 1977?) while we went around and answered the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Even at that young age I knew the appropriate answers for a girl were either, “a teacher” or “a nurse.” And if like me you really wanted to score affirmation points, “President!”

(I actually didn’t want to be President, or a teacher, or a nurse…but somehow I knew those were the answers adults asking me that question were looking for.)

Some girls still would say, “wife” or “mom.” And when they did the teacher would look slightly disappointed and disapproving, and correct them. “No dear, the question is what do you want to BE when you grow up?”

This morning, my almost 5-year-old daughter was buzzing around, and she blurted out of nowhere, “When I grow up, I am going to be a mom!”

She stood there, with her big blue eyes, tousled blonde curls, peachy pink skin and cupid bow lips, just beaming with pride. Adorable!

My heart swelled up with joy, and I said, “You bet baby! That’s awesome! And I bet you are going to be the best momma EVER! That’s going to be so GREAT!”

And she giggled, and skipped off, happily dreaming of her future babies to be…

I’m so glad nobody has told my daughter yet that being a “mom” isn’t a legitimate endeavor. Because I think it is. In fact, I can hardly think of a more important job a woman could undertake — to guide, teach, and nurture the future.

Seems my second grade teacher had that (and a lot of other things!) all wrong!

Let those who have ears hear!

 

 

Exploring the Power of the Feminine

06 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by in Gender

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As someone who grew up in a post-feminist world, I didn’t think much about many of the messages myself and other women were being told but just accepted them as truths, just like I accepted the sky was blue.

However now that I am older and starting to question these beliefs I think one place where feminism really threw the baby out with the bathwater was with the notion that feminine traits were weakness and to be avoided.

I now question if in one fell swoop that type of thinking actually weakened one of women’s most powerful sources of strength, her womanliness. And it reinforced that being a woman somehow was “less” and that women who want to be taken seriously should start acting like men and avoid acting like women.

There are many examples of this message, such as the power woman pantsuit (complete with shoulder pads to give the illusion one was a linebacker) favored by the career women of the 1980s who wanted to be “taken seriously.”

Women were discouraged from wearing dresses, make up, having long hair, and the androgynous, flat chested, straight waist figures of Twiggy and pre-pubescent looking models like her that followed were deemed “better” (by feminists) than  hourglass curves. To try to be or care about looking pretty was practically a crime and women who did retain feminine appearances were deemed bimbos or victims and all sorts of things.

But really, what’s “wrong” with being a woman? What’s wrong with being womanly? Wasn’t this supposed to be about choice? Why then was being a career woman in a traditionally male field suddenly the pinnacle of success while women who wanted to be mothers and homemakers were openly scorned as “less than?”

I find it interesting that men, on the other hand, (or most, anyway) didn’t seem to adopt a preference for women who acted like men. They by and large continued to prefer women being womanly. Perhaps in some weird way, this banishment of the feminine led to it almost becoming fetishized, only increasing the draw.

It’s kind of a silly story, but case in point. One time I showed up at a friend’s house party (I was about 35 or so) on Halloween but for some reason it didn’t dawn on me that it was a costume party. Everyone else was dressed up and there I was in a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. So I dug through my friend’s closet, found a cowgirl hat and some boots, shoved two balloons in my shirt, and said I was dressed as a cowgirl with more money than sense, or in other words didn’t know when to stop when it came to breast implants. (I am medium chested naturally, but with the added balloons I was more in the Dolly Parton category.)

Everybody knew they were balloons and that it was a joke. But by golly, I was shocked to find myself the belle of the ball, even though there were gals there is sexier, skimpier, vampier costumes. Guys of all ages from their young 20s to their late 60s were tripping over themselves to fetch me a drink, open the door, and to just hover about. All night there was a circle of men around me, like moths to a flame (and yes, the gals were in a snit.) All because of two balloons stuffed under a plain long sleeved t-shirt. Wow. What?

(Interestingly, the attention didn’t seem sexual necessarily, harassing, creepy, or oppressive. It was more like admiration or adoration for lack of a better term. Like I was a goddess, or something.)

No, I didn’t go get breast implants, but that night was a very interesting lesson in the power of the feminine and the strong draw it has for the opposite power, the masculine.

So ladies, if you truly want to wear navy blue power suits, by all means. But if you are wearing them but secretly wish you could be a little more feminine but are afraid that if you do, that it will somehow diminish your power, let me argue you may just find the opposite.

If you don’t believe me, give it a try. And too bad I didn’t post this before Halloween, but if there’s ever an opportunity to put some balloons in your shirt and see what happens, as an experiment into the power of the feminine, go for it. I have a feeling you will be surprised at the results.

In short, it’s ok to be a woman. Being a woman or being womanly does not make you “less than” anything. Really. Women are great. Men are great. Men AND women can both be great. So be who you are. And if that is a feminine women (or not), by golly, go ahead!

Let those who have ears hear.

YOUR TURN: What do you think, dear readers? Do you think a woman dressing or acting feminine diminish her social power or standing? Or do you think a woman minimizing her femininity increases her odds of being taken more seriously?