Tag Archives: courtship

A Banished Ballad

08 Saturday Dec 2018

Posted by in Red Pill, Sex and Such

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The Me Too movement continues to point an accusatory finger, this time at a cheeky and playful holiday song now deemed predatory.  News reports today say many radio stations and public forums are banning it.

Let’s have a look. Probably the best way to access the situation is to click on the video and then read along with the lyrics below:

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I really can’t stay (Baby it’s cold outside)
I gotta go away (Baby it’s cold outside)
This evening has been (Been hoping that you’d dropped in)
So very nice (I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice)
My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (I’ll put some records on while I pour)
The neighbors might think (Baby it’s bad out there)
Say what’s in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell) (Why thank you)
I ought to say no, no, no sir (Mind if move in closer?)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (What’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?)
I really can’t stay (Baby don’t hold out)
Baby it’s cold outside
Ah, you’re very pushy you know?
I like to think of it as opportunistic
I simply must go (Baby it’s cold outside)
The answer is no (But baby it’s cold outside)
The welcome has been (How lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (Look out the window at that storm)
My sister will be suspicious (Gosh your lips look delicious!)
My brother will be there at the door (Waves upon a tropical shore)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (Gosh your lips are delicious!)
Well maybe just a cigarette more (Never such a blizzard before) (And I don’t even smoke)
I’ve got to get home (Baby you’ll freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat? (It’s up to your knees out there!)
You’ve really been grand, (I feel when I touch your hand)
But don’t you see? (How can you do this thing to me?)
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow (Think of my life long sorrow!)
At least there will be plenty implied (If you caught pneumonia and died!)
I really can’t stay (Get over that old out)
Baby it’s cold
Baby it’s cold outside
Okay fine, just another drink then
That took a lot of convincing!
So what do you think? Is this a flirty and fun song demonstrating plausible deniability?  (Meaning she’s fine with it but she’s playing hard to get so she doesn’t seem too eager) or predatory creep pushing drinks on a poor, innocent, girl who isn’t into it but is trying to let him down gently? A patriarchal plot to teach generation after generation of young men how to trap and molest the ladies, player techniques passed on thru song?
What do do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

What Is A Red Pill Woman?

18 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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My apologies for not writing much lately, I have been busy with real life endeavors as well as enjoying some summer fun!

But to keep things going, I wanted to share an oldie-but-goodie post from the red pill blog “Married Man Sex Life” on the topic of what a “Red Pill Woman” looks like.  The entire original post can be found here: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/08/what-exactly-is-a-red-pill-woman/.

He lists 20 qualities a truly “Red Pill Woman” would posses: (Hope he won’t mind me re-posting the list here for ease of commenting upon!)

Have a look and share what you think in the comments!

“(1)  Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2)  Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3)  Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4)  Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5)  Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6)  Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7)  Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8)  Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9)  Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10)  Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11)  Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12)  Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13)  Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14)  Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15)  Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16)  With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17)  Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18)  Has a sense of humor.

(19)  Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20)  Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.”

It’s a high bar these days, for sure, but is a path less traveled that I believe would lead such a woman toward a lifelong stable relationship versus a lifetime of serial monogamy or casual hook ups and unstable pairings.

Anything missing? Anything you agree/disagree with? Do you know any women like this?

 

 

 

 

Embrace your Femininity

20 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by in Relationships, Sex and Such

≈ 107 Comments

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Over the past 40 years, traditional feminine qualities such as beauty, grace, domesticity, charm, chastity, and being “girly” have been increasingly vilified in a similar way that masculine traits have been vilified for men and boys (but ironically encouraged in women and girls!)

Women and girls are told that acting feminine will lead to them being objectified, oppressed, overlooked, and disempowered. Instead women are encouraged to be strong, independent, self-sufficient, aggressive, tough, and more.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret — for females femininity and feminine traits ARE power! Yep.

And I am not the only one to think so. In fact this was reconfirmed yesterday as I listened to a podcast by a woman who bills herself as a “modern day courtesan.” This woman is in no way “red pill” and yet her message was similar — if you want to succeed in love and romance, be MORE feminine!

To clarify, a courtesan is not a call girl, escort, or prostitute (they sleep with men for money, any man, with no expectations of him beyond the encounter) and it’s not just about sex. A courtesan is a long term companion who is financially supported by her admirer/s, sometimes in an exclusive monogamous relationship or sometimes in a few non-exclusive but ongoing and long term committed relationships.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating a courtesan lifestyle, but I do think her message was dead on as far as feminine wiles being a core part of female strength, and one women should not be afraid of. Her advice would be just as appropriate to apply within a marriage or long-term relationship as in a courtesan one — in short, the path to happiness, love, and romance is paved with female charms.

Some of her advice? Be happy and light. Laugh. Flirt. Look for ways to bewitch your partner and draw him in. Enjoy adorning yourself. Dress well. Learn how to use make up and other beauty products to your best advantage. Don’t overwork yourself. Learn how to be seductive (not the same as slutty, the opposite actually!) Be mysterious in a good way. Educate yourself on current affairs and a wide range of topics so you can be a charming conversationalist. Understand you may draw a man in because he is initially interested in sex (not too fast, ladies! Anticipation is your friend), but you will keep a man by seducing and connecting with his mind. Study your man’s personal favorite female qualities and work those to your advantage. Don’t be pushy or demanding, but instead coax his cooperation and devotion with your feminine wiles. Wear pretty undies. Let him take care of you. Be a refuge for him, a place he cannot wait to run to. Forgo “broken men” who do not and cannot truly appreciate and love, love, love the feminine. Be a lover of the masculine, as well. Be the kind of woman he can’t bear to live without. And more.

It all sounded like good advice to me. What do you think?

 

Red Pill Women?

29 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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Now it’s been said that women have no place in the manosphere, nor can they comprehend or be red pill. I can see the point, and mostly agree. Manosphere sites are for men, and women should respect those male only spaces, just as we would expect men to respect women only spaces.

However I have myself learned tremendously from my exposure to the manosphere and the red pill, and so I am not so sure I would say women being exposed to these ideas is without merit. In fact, I know that for me personally it has entirely changed how I live my life and approach the world — for the better!

I was just as clueless, perhaps more, as anyone when I stumbled across the red pill. I was drinking the mainstream media kool aide and believed pretty much all of it. It had never even occurred to me that perhaps those facts might be skewed to support an unspoken agenda that was in turn destroying the relationships between men and woman, and destroying families.

I was horrified. But I could also see it was true. I wish more people understood how our “modern way” of thinking is leading us as a society right toward a cliff.

But there are no sites, or few, where women can be exposed to these ideas that could help improve gender relations and help get things back on track. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I started this very site — to provide that place where women (and men) can learn about a different path. A path back toward men being men and women being women.

And in turn, then those women (and men) can raise the next generation without all this social experiment nonsense that was foisted upon my generation — the idea that gender is a social construct and that being the same is the answer. Men and women are not the same. They are uniquely suited to play a role, with strengths and weaknesses, and they are in my humble opinion two parts of a whole.

My advice to the women who come here and to the manosphere in general would be to listen, truly listen, to what these men are saying. Put yourself in their shoes. See the damage that has been done. Understand the anger, frustration, and pain. And then be and do different than the average women. Rather than argue with them, or defend yourself and claim, “I am not like that” realize that on some level, yes you are. But you have a choice. Become aware of where women fall, and guard yourself. Use it to become a better woman. Then, teach other women to be better women, too.

The Validation of Coupledom

17 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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A few months ago I noticed a very interesting social dynamic I had never quite picked up on before: the validation of coupledom.

Now I have pondered this from a female point of view before, and there’s much discussion within the manosphere about how for many women, the social validation of being married might be a big motivator for a woman to marry for the wrong reasons (and I would agree, it can be.)

As a single female, I have felt the unease people feel around singles in certain social settings where a “plus 1” is expected. I can usually find a friend to accompany me to such events, to minimize the awkwardness. But there is something about being a single person after a certain age that makes people uneasy, for single men and women alike.

But what about single men versus coupled men? Is there any social benefit of being a in relationship for men?

I think there is, based on a random observation about a single biz associate and friend I know. First of all he is an INTJ (a Meter’s Briggs Personality Type) so he is not the most social butterfly of a person, and in fact his resting face is rather stoic, almost hostile, blank. I have heard other INTJ’s refer to it as the “INTJ death stare.”  I could see how people might perceive him as a brooding and perhaps dangerous character (he’s anything but, what it is, is he’s very intelligent and observant so he is always taking in and processing lots of info internally when in public, but at first glance I have seen people shy away from him, give him lots of extra room, not stand near him, even cross the street to avoid him!)

Then I noticed when we are together in a social setting people will often assume we are a couple, and him being in the company of a woman somehow “softens” his image or the perception that he is a threat. They often will address me vs. him, but people are more at ease for lack of a better way to put that.

Then I was really amazed when he and I and my two kids were out and about in public to see what a difference that made in how strangers seemed to perceive him. My girls get along well with this guy and follow him like little ducks, so it didn’t surprise me when a woman working at a supermarket spoke to him as if he was their father, and we didn’t feel the need to correct her because after all it was a natural mistake and nothing to make a big awkward scene over with someone we’d never see again. But she treated him wholly differently than I had ever observed with him before — he was seen in the light of being a “family man” and it was like that somehow undid all of the apprehension or awkwardness or whatever people feel about this same person when he is alone in public and the gal was very friendly to him.

I don’t know what to make of it from a red pill or philosophical perspective, but I do think after seeing this that there is a “social proof” benefit to men for being part of a couple or part of a family in particular that single men may not have.

Not that it is a reason to be in a relationship only for this social salve, but it made me wonder if society extends perks to the “family man” that they do not to single men?

For example, I have heard male friends say promotions at work often go to men with families. Or that men with families get extra concessions that single men do not. I have also heard that men with what other men consider good wives and good families get social rank and are favored in the job market as well (Like Liz, she and their children reflect well upon her husband as a leader, because he is leading a successful family, people notice they “have it” and Mike benefits both professionally and socially for it).

Of course the other side of this is its unfair men who are single are possibly perceived differently and don’t have the same opportunities and advantages “family men” have.

Anyway this is kind of a half-baked post, I am just toying with the idea — is there a validation of coupledom effect, or not? Share examples where you have seen it to be so or not, and let me know what you think in the comments!

The Power of Your Thoughts

13 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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I am not sure if this is a red pill topic exactly, but I wanted to share something I believe in strongly — how thoughts and beliefs can powerfully shape your life and experiences — for better or worse.

For example, relationships. I’ve been a reading a book recently called, “Is He Worth It?” The book is about how to spot the men who are worth dating/marrying versus the men who are not. Something the author focuses on heavily in the first part of the book is examining how one’s thoughts are leading them toward the type of relationship they desire, or not.

For example, if a woman believes men can’t be trusted, that point of view will color her interactions with men leading her toward, not away from, men who will “prove” her point of view correct. She will attract untrustworthy men!

I have seen the same effect in my business and work. My thoughts and beliefs shape my behavior. If I think or believe things are not going to go well or work out, they don’t. If I think and believe things will work out, often despite some pretty impossible odds, sure enough they somehow do!

Many times I have literally visualized something into reality by wanting it so badly and focusing so much of my time and energy toward making the desired outcome materialize. People ask me all the time how I have accomplished and built what I have done, and it really is just this simple — I had my mind set on a goal and come hell or high water I just kept going toward it until it finally happened! I actually have several irons in the fire at the moment that are in just this category!

It’s a simple concept but one worth pondering. How are your thoughts and beliefs shaping your world? Are they getting you closer to the life you want, or not? Are they holding you back or pushing you forward? Are they mostly negative or mostly positive?

As they say, “Change your thoughts, change your life.” And I have seen it in my own life far to many times to believe it is a coincidence. Never underestimate the power of your thoughts.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Yes, I am Still Here!

02 Saturday Apr 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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Sorry, I have been busy with real life endeavors as of late and have not had much chance to write, or even comment! But rest assured, I am still here and all is well!

I have an idea stewing in my head but it’s not quite complete, so perhaps for now perhaps you guys can share some ideas for topics you’d like to see me tackle and discuss them among yourselves?  I’m all ears…

Have a GREAT weekend!

Don’t Ride the Carousel

18 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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There’s a red pill saying called “riding the carousel” which, to put it nicely, means a gal sleeping around, hooking up, and having casual, no strings sex during her teens, 20s, and early 30s.

The first time I heard guys talking abut this in the manosphere, I was shocked how negatively they viewed this behavior, and the women engaging in it. After all this isn’t the 1950s, right?

Well the reality is even guys who are themselves involved in such behavior look down upon gals who are taking a “What’s good for the gander is good for the goose” approach to sex. The higher quality of “catch” a guy was, the less willing they were to consider a woman who had “ridden he carousel” as a serious longterm/lifetime partner.

Like it or not, believe it or not, this is how guys still feel today about all this. Even if they tell you they don’t! Even if they are trying to talk you into going home with them for some hook up fun that very night!

It’s been called lots of things, including a double standard, but it all goes back to biology — a promiscuous female is a cuckhold risk in a man’s eyes. And for a man, being a cuckhold is just about the worst thing one could be. Men have a very strong, visceral reaction to the idea. (Unless they have a cuckhold fetish, and well then that’s just another issue entirely…)

Consider the plays of Shakespeare’s era, all rife with jokes and references to cuckholding – it’s certainly nothing new. No guy wants to be tricked into thinking a child is his when it is not because he’s been with a woman who is “getting around.” (And in case we’ve all forgotten, sex is what leads to babies!)

For women, this is not a concern. After all unless the baby is switched at birth, we know a baby that comes out of our body is “ours” as silly as that sounds. But as couples who have experienced having a baby switched at birth experience, there is something profoundly disturbing and distressing about discovering the baby you thought was yours, really isn’t.

Or if all that makes no sense, think of it this way, when a hot guy wants to hook up or have a short term no strings attached sexual experience with you, he’s not saying it’s because you’re so hot. What he’s really saying is that you meet his minimum threshold for attractiveness, but not his minimum threshold for a long term or serious relationship. What he’s really saying is you aren’t hot enough! Ouch!

But yep, it’s all true. And I know that because I have heard guys say it anonymously online many, many, many times. So don’t kid yourself — and remember, you’re better than that! You deserve a guy who’s all in, not just a guy who just wants to put it in! And the guy who will be all in, he’s worth waiting for (and doesn’t he deserve more from you, too?)

Carousel Rider

Carousel riding. I would not advise it. Trust me on this one.

But what do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

The Doctor and His Wife

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 23 Comments

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A couple who frequents my biz offer an interesting Red Pill vingette.

Now I don’t know them well, but they are friendly and with each visit a little more comes out. They are an attractive couple, he is tall and trim, with a bit of an Alan Alda circa M*A*S*H vibe. Not super hot, but not bad looking by any means. She is very natural yet very attractive, wavy brunette hair, striking big green eyes, curvy but not at all fat, athletic and fresh faced, as if she just came from a spirited hike in the woods.

He’s a psychologist, she works for a group that aims to conserve rural land.  They are happy and light and like to crack jokes, poking fun at themselves as well as at the absurdity of the world. They seem very fun.

They often stop in on their way to work out together at the gym, or to go out exploring nature, or some weekend couple’s time activity. Sometimes they bring friends, mostly they come alone.

It’s hard to say how long they have been together, but my gut says not very long. If I had to guess, I would say they met online and have been married less than two years. My guess is they dated for a year or so prior to that based on how they act with each other. They don’t have the “We’ve known each other for ages,” vibe couples seem to get – yet. (I will see if I can find out more of their story next time they stop in.)

They are affectionate, yet reserved. I am not sure I have ever seen them actually touch each other in public, and certainly no PDAs that stand out. Yet they have a definite fondness for each other, with a hint of a paternal vibe. Something tells me they have an active love life.

It can be hard to tell ages, but at their last visit I slipped it into the conversation out of curiosity. He revealed that he is 43, she is 28 (although very poised and not at all immature or girlish, regal almost.) I saw the twinkle in his eye and said, “A perfect age difference,” to which he readily and wholeheartedly agreed.

They are an example of a Red Pill truism, that men tend to hit their highest SMP/MMP mark later in life than a woman, while women tend to sooner. I get the feeling that pre-education/career he was not likely a ladies man, although he is natural enough in conversation. I suspect she’s at the peak of ripeness in her life, although I am sure she will continue to develop and mature with age. However in youthful beauty, she’s right there at the cusp.

They don’t have children together, but he said he does have a 20 year old of his own. They don’t plan to have kids, he announced and she shook her head in agreement. I get the feeling that these two just want to enjoy life and each other. (Although it will be interesting to see what happens as she nears 35 or so, when the maternal urge often seems to kick in full force even in women who have not had it before.)

If you were to chart these two on a graph with each at their SMP/MMP peak, they’d both be there about now, which is exactly what the Red Pill predicts. They are a matched set. I predict a pretty cushy life ahead.

Or in other words ladies, when the Doctor picks his wife, she’s likely going to be younger than he, better looking, and she’ll be quite thrilled with her hypergamous catch.

Ladies, you would not be unwise to start looking for your love match in ernest starting at or before age 25. And it wouldn’t be bad to aim a bit older than yourself, as he’ll likely be more settled and ready to be looking for his match as well compared to someone your own age. To guys her age, she may not stand out or they may still be in casual dating mode, but for a man around 40 she would be a definite score! Not to say people of the same age don’t get together, but when he was scanning profiles of 40 some year old women (likely with added life complications) versus ones of ladies in their mid to late 20s who likely has less relationship baggage, odds are the guy will choose as above.  Had she been tied up with a guy her age who’s not ready to commit, she may have missed him. It’s something to ponder and to set yourself up to win accordingly.

Not to say it can’t happen, but the idea that a gal can wait just like a man can to settle down with an upper shelf guy rarely works out in her favor, while for a man it more than likely can. (Or in other words, would she have married a Doctor at 41? Maybe, maybe not…)

What do you think?