Tag Archives: crisis

Beware Self-Imposed Drama

21 Tuesday Jul 2015

Posted by in Red Pill

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As I listened to my former neighbor describe her continually messed up love life, it suddenly occurred to me how she was really the one creating all this angst.

Now if you asked her, she’d swear up and down that she’s the victim here, “they” are doing all this to her.

For a long time I bought it too. After all she’s so convincing in her blameless tales of woe. I used to empathize with her bad luck. But post red pill awareness, it’s abundantly clear that she’s an active participant in creating all of her troubles.

For example if ever there has been a plate spinner, it’s her. She’s always got two or three guys she “can’t decide between” on the line, then rotates in a few random encounters here and there to boot.

Naturally, the men in these tales are not so into that, and drama ensues. Oddly (or according to the red pill maybe not oddly at all) the only one who she has it bad for is the one who blows her off and who seems to care less what she’s doing as long as she’s available when he wants her. Which is about every three months.

I hate to say it but she pretty much confirms almost every red pill cliche in the book: AF/BB, opportunistic love, bad boys over good guys, etc.

How does she get away with it? Well for now she’s still young(ish) and very attractive. I fear someday she will be the 50-some lady sitting at the bar wondering where have all the good men gone?

And if that happens, I suppose she’ll have nobody but herself and her disastrous self-sabotaging choices to blame.

Or maybe by then she’ll be reaping the seeds she’s planted when her own two daughters she’s dragged along for the ride become teens and start creating self-imposed drama themselves? I sure hope not.

Lately when she starts talking about all her troubles, I have been dropping in tidbits of red pill wisdom. She actually latches on to these little nuggets, surprisingly, and is quite interested. Which leads me to believe she’s really not that conscious of the self-destructive, no-win cycle she is creating, or how to break out of it. Hopefully in time that light will click on. In the meantime, she seems to be giving the Kardashian’s a run for their money in the drama department.

Here’s an idea: When tempted to indulge in something you know you should not, try asking yourself my go-to drama busting question, “Isn’t my life already complicated enough?” Chances are it is, all on its own. No additional drama necessary!

Let those who have ears hear.

Meet Your Inner Hamster

18 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by in Red Pill

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There’s a saying in the red pill world for what happens when someone lets their mind rationalize taking actions they know they shouldn’t — listening to the hamster. If you get caught or your actions lead to consequences, the hamster is there to help you explain it away or to blame it on anyone but yourself.

The hamster is that little voice that says, “Go ahead, you deserve it,” or “Normally you shouldn’t do that, but because of X, Y, Z it’s OK.” Think of it as similar to the old imagery of having an angel sitting on one shoulder advising you to do what’s right, and a devil sitting on the other shoulder urging you to give in to temptation. The hamster would be the one dressed in red.

Some might say to “hamster” is a female thing, but I have seen men do it too. I’d say everyone “hamsters” now and again, and some make it practically a way of life. Being aware of the hamster is a good first step in making sure it doesn’t just hop on that wheel and spin, spin, spin you right into making bad choices and life altering decisions.

For example, many people who have affairs let their hamsters talk them into it. They feel an attraction to someone other than their spouse, and instead of realizing that every now and then it’s going to happen, but remembering they committed to their spouse, so they choose not to act on the attraction, they let the hamster get going and the literally talk themselves into why “it’s OK, under the circumstances” for them to cheat. The hamster leads them right into a divorce.

Another example might be the single person who talks themselves into having a one night stand with the sexy stranger they met at the nightclub. “Nobody will ever know,” the hamster might say. Or “Everyone else is doing it, why should they have all the fun?” Or even, “Having sex with whoever you want whenever you want is normal and healthy and empowering.” The hamster leads them right into a sexually transmitted disease or an unplanned pregnancy.

Other times the hamster leads you astray in smaller ways, like putting off doing something you know you need to get done, or encouraging you to cut corners that shouldn’t be cut, or to let your wants steer your priorities over your needs.

Your hamster also has no loyalty. Other people can actually use your hamster against you, purposely feeding it pellets to get you to do what they want you to do, even though they know and you know you shouldn’t.

See that’s the trouble with the hamster. It always gives bad advice. Self destructive advice. Life imploding advice. The hamster doesn’t care if it causes you to lose your job, your reputation, your family, or even your freedom. The hamster lives in the moment. The hamster is purely hedonistic. The hamster says, “If it feels good, do it!”

And as we see on the news or in real life, far too many people let their hamster run wild. I am sure you can think of several examples of this pretty easily. Today it’s almost expected. Concepts such as morality and restraint and self-control are considered “old-fashioned” by many, relics of an age gone by. Life isn’t like that anymore, some would say. Times have changed.

But have they? Have times really changed? All one needs to do is to look back in history and literature. From the bible to Greek and Roman myths to Shakespeare’s plays, these texts are rife with tales of people lying, cheating, stealing, murdering, and so on. People are the same as they have always been. Bad choices are the same as they have always been.

Let’s not kid ourselves. It’s pretty clear there’s never been an age of innocence. And the consequences of these actions are also still the same as they have always been, even if the hamster tells you different. What’s changed is the social pressure to resist the hamster has been lifted. We live in a “I’m OK, you’re OK, live and let live” world.

And tolerance is a good quality. Don’t get me wrong. Tolerating individual differences is much better than burning people at the stake. But tolerance can be a sticky wicket when the hamster has its way.

Think of it this way, letting your hamster guide your life choices is pretty much like taking advice from the guests of the Jerry Springer Show. That’s how much sense your hamster has. The hamster is going to choose the low road every time. The hamster is what gets people on the Jerry Springer Show.

So next time you find yourself thinking about doing something that you know you really shouldn’t, put the hamster back in the cage. While you may miss out on some “fun” in the moment, I can guarantee that in the long run you will have a much happier, healthier, abundant life for it. Doing the right thing is never a bad choice. Doing the right thing never goes out of style. And doing the right thing will never steer you wrong.

Let those who have ears hear.

Never Ever Give Up

04 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Faith

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Without going into a lot of details, let’s just say the last year of my life has been perhaps the most difficult one I have ever faced, and there have been many moments where I have felt like I was not only at the end of my rope, but dangling on the last thread in mid-air and wondering how I could ever overcome the seemingly impossible obstacles and difficulties firing my way from all fronts (personal, professional, relational, parental, physical, social, etc.) in even one area, much less all of them?

Month after trying month, when one thing would wrap up and I dared breathe a sigh of relief, something new just as dire would emerge and the dance would start all over. It’s been like a sprint that’s turned into a long distance event and the finish line keeps moving, just when I am think I am almost there, surprise! The race gets extended again, and the finish line is again moved to a new undisclosed location.

As I said in my visualization post, something I circle back to when things just seem too big is the many times the impossible has become possible before. So many times in my life the right person, information, connection, or solution pops up in the most coincidental and serendipitous fashion just when I need it most and  I can only read it as a sign from the universe to just keep going…to trust.

One would think after experiencing this 11th hour solution phenomenon so many times I would have faith and simply believe. And I am starting to think this past year may have been a hammering home of that very point. Over and over. Oh me of little faith, do the lilies of the field toil and spin? Do the birds worry about what they will eat or where it will come from. And yet there I am, fretting with each new challenge just the same.

Just last week I was wondering if maybe it was time to cash out my chips and let go of a dream I have been working toward for the past 12 years. Maybe it was too big. Maybe I had taken on too much. Maybe it was time to accept defeat. Increasing thoughts of “Maybe I just can’t” or “Maybe I am fooling myself” have plagued me over the past year, and the never ending challenges fired at me have not helped ease my mind.

I operate a cottage industry, small, local, boutique farm-based business on my property and just celebrated the fourth year in business.

In addition to that I work as a freelance writer, but freelance writing work has been in short supply since hurricane Sandy hit New York where most of my major clients up to that point had their offices wiped out and in turn slashed budgets drastically overnight. Likewise in the past few years content sweatshops have sprung up and companies who used to employ freelance writers and pay them a living wage now are paying less than one-tenth that to companies that take advantage of newer writers and keep the profit to themselves. I could work for them, but by the time it’s all said and done, it barely covers the childcare much less pays the bills.

So what was supposed to be my “side gig” has unexpectedly become my main gig. And I am not the only one facing this scenario, I see people all around me struggling to find themselves a foothold in today’s quickly changing economy as their former profession seems to vaporize right before their very eyes.

So yesterday morning there I was, thinking to myself, “What I need is a BIG sale. What I need is to move a lot of product at once, wholesale. I know I will get less for it, but at the same time it would be a nice cash infusion to put some space between myself and the wolves at the door. That’s what I really, really need.”

It’s been a recurring thought actually as I realized over the winter months that the seasonal nature of my business just doesn’t bring home the bacon during the wet, cold winter season. My direct to customer business sale strategy worked when I had the writing income to cover the day-to-day expenses but without that, I needed to set up a more consistent cash flow. Somehow.

Not three hours after thinking how what I needed was to make that BIG sale happen and asap, I am outside weeding and cleaning up for the first wedding of the season this weekend (I also rent my property out, for such events, as a side income) and I see a car parked at the gate. Then I spy a little fellow coming up the walk.

“Can I help you?” I asked, figuring he was going to hit me up for a donation for a local charitable event.

He introduces himself and says he works for a local distributing company who is looking to build out their hyper-local offerings and he had heard great things about my product and so he was wondering if I had ever considered selling some of it wholesale?

As much as I wanted to hug him and jump up and down, I play it cool. “I have thought about it,” I say casually. “But the price would have to be right. What are you offering per unit?”

Inside I am thinking, “Just say $10. I can do $10. I’d gladly do it for $10. Please God, at least say $10.”

“Well it’s really up to you,” he says, “But right now others in the area are selling for between $11 and $14 per unit.”

Controlling myself, I nonchalantly say, “I could probably let some go for that. So how much are you willing to take at a time?”

Inside I am thinking, “50 cases. Please say 50 cases. 50 cases would be perfect!”

“We usually buy a pallet at a time, mixed varieties.”

“Hummm, a pallet,” I say. “So how much is that?”

“50 cases, more or less,” he replies.

Inside, I am doing the happy dance. Yes!

“I’d be interested,” I say. “I have been thinking it’s time for me to consider wholesale, in fact I was thinking it just this morning, funny in fact you showed up today.”

Then we shoot the breeze, I share my story of how I got into all of this, he shares his background, we banter around some ideas for positioning the hyper-local offerings they are lining up and share some markets I wouldn’t mind getting my product into. Soon we are dreaming together, totally in tune and in step about how all this could roll out and be a win-win for both of us. We shake hands, I say I am in, I will get to bottling, and that he should go ahead and start making some sales calls. Let’s do this!

As he pulls away I thank God and the universe and breathe a huge sigh of relief. Maybe all this is going to work out after all. Maybe even better than I had dare hoped!

And then I check my e-mail and there is a message waiting for me from a client I would be ghostwriting blogs for (a medical group) that I had spoken to several months back but had figured didn’t work out. They want to get going, and asap. And they are paying my old rates, not the sweatshop ones. And they pay every two weeks, direct deposit. Will that be ok? When can I start?

Yes, yes it will. I am available immediately. Let’s get started! You bet!

And just like that I am reminded that it’s always darkest before dawn. Sure there are multiple challenges ahead, things could go wrong, but then again things could go right. You can never give up. And you can never lose faith. Because what you want more than anything often falls right into your lap just when you need it most. And when it does, rejoice and be grateful and ponder how sometimes it’s not so much about us making it happen, as it is surrendering to the reality that it’s way bigger than you, and it always has been. And when it seems like nothing is happening, a lot is happening that you just don’t know about. No matter how bleak things seem, the solution is to get up, show up, give it up in prayer, and take it one day at a time. The rest will take care of itself.

Let those who have ears hear.

(This post is dedicated to the memory of two individuals who tragically did give up in the biggest possible way, and to all those who struggle with similar thoughts. DO NOT GIVE UP. If you are alive, it is because you are supposed to be! Stick it out and find your purpose, you are here for a reason. Do not let the darkness in your mind win. Please do not. If you think nobody cares, know it’s not true — I care. Be a light unto the world. Be a survivor story. If you are in crisis, you can find help and someone to talk to anytime, day or night, right here. Promise me right now you won’t give up, that you will never give up. The world needs you. We are all in this together!)