Tag Archives: divorce

Is Marriage Done?

30 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by in Relationships

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Back in the early 90s, when I was in my early 20s, a friend’s wife, who was from England, surprised me by saying that in England marriage was out of fashion.

She went on to explain in a largely agnostic culture, marriage was viewed as, “just a piece of paper.”

Couples preferred to shack up and just declare themselves together versus getting married. When it didn’t work out, the couple simply split without the need for lawyers and a messy divorce.

At the time I could not imagine how that would work, maybe if there weren’t children involved, but the whole thing seemed very noncommittal to me.

Now 20 years later and I am seeing a similar trend in the United States. I am not sure the reasoning is the same, although living together without marriage is now common and even encouraged.  Here I think it is more driven by girls being told, “Don’t settle down too soon.”

Ironically, the couples I do see marrying are often each other’s only significant partner, high school sweethearts, if you will. They are usually in their early to mid 20s, many report being together nine years or longer.

As I spoke to one such couple a few weeks ago, both exceptionally attractive and he clearly a natural alpha,  I found myself wondering if these would be the only couples of their generation to marry? (Her dad was beaming at the future son-in-law, obviously very happy with his 9+ Supermodel-pretty daughter’s pick.)

First love is strong, especially so for a male. I think the advice to young girls to, “explore” may not be good advice. She may never again find such absolute devotion. Do they tell her that, too?

I suppose we will only truly know in many decades what becomes of these young lovers versus those who wait.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

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Why People Have Affairs

20 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Relationships, Sex and Such

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Well I am sure none of my regular readers will be surprised by this, but the  college guy friend who reached out that I wrote about in two posts back tried to cross the line into turning our friendly talks into an online affair.

Thanks to the schooling from the red pill guys over the past few years, I knew this was coming.

And also thanks to them, I can understand what he’s feeling and why he would take this route. And I was ready when he did.

”Can I send you a picture?” He asked.

“Of?” I asked.

“I feel kinda silly,” he said.

“If it is inappropriate, don’t send it,” I said.

”Ok, sorry,” he said.

Then I said I understand what he’s feeling, and even what he’s trying to do, because I felt it myself when I was unhappily married. But that an affair was not the solution, facing what he’s avoiding, his bad marriage, is.

I know this may sound funny but a lot of times people have affairs as a way to stay in a bad marriage. I know that may not make sense but it’s true.

The affair distracts them from the problem and makes them feel good short term. But in the long run they end up feeling much worse.  And if the affair is discovered, it is hugely embarrassing and devastating for all involved.

My life is complicated enough, as I always say.  And I don’t want to enable him to continue to avoid his real problem.  And of course, I would never do that to my guy. Nor would I want to do that to his wife. Even if I was single. Nope. Not happening. Not even for the tingles!  (Sorry tingles, you never give good advice!)

He said he’s scared to be alone. I said well I guess it is up to him to decide is it worse to be alone, or to feel so stuck and unhappy he thinks of suicide as a way out.   And I reminded him, there’s the third option that maybe he can like Horseman did go from unhappily married to now very happily married.

I am actually glad he reached out to me so that  I had the chance to say all this. And to try to help him find a real solution.

I sent him the name and number of a male therapist I know who I think can really help him sort out how he got into a marriage he says he never wanted, and then help him decide what now? Not marriage counseling. Personal counseling.

Now not all therapists are alike and so going to one can sometimes make things worse not better, but I know this one well and I know he will give this guy good guidance. Red pill style.

I hope he calls him. He said he would. I guess time will tell.

And hopefully he keeps talking. But just like Hercules, the answer to anything illicit is now and always will be, “Isn’t my life complicated enough?” Yes it is. No need to throw illicit affairs into the mix, thanks, flattered, nothing personal, but that’s a NO.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

It’s a Guy Thing

13 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Relationships, Sex and Such

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A guy friend I have known since college but had lost touch with recently reached out bc he’s going through a mid life crisis of sorts and is struggling with depression.

Why? He’s in an unfulfilling dead-bedroom marriage. Among other things. (He didn’t actually say the dead-bedroom part, but I can read between the lines.) He’s also tiring of pulling the plow. Without reward.

Then he said he feels bad because he’s attracted to other women and feels bad about his thoughts.

I told him Ton stories for a bit to make him feel better. I reassured him his thoughts were no match for Ton’s daily, and that it’s ok. Ton would approve of his efforts to think such thoughts.

Guys look at chicks and if the chicks are hot they probably think about banging them. I reassured him all guys (or most guys anyway, 98%) feel the same. It’s what guys do. It’s normal, even if everybody says it’s not.

He seemed relieved at the idea, completely blue pill and church raised good boy that he is. (Then I dropped the name and number of a guy counselor I know who would be a good person to talk to him about this bc I cannot. I figured Ton was unavailable lol. )

And yes ladies, surprise —  guys who talk to you probably want to bang you. This guy maybe wants to bang me (or his memory of me, lol!) Won’t happen, of course, but if he didn’t want to maybe I would think something were wrong. With me or with him. Because, like it or not that’s how it works. Always has. Always will.

Just like if a woman was not thinking like all women do about men, admit it or not, I would be shocked. (What they are thinking is a topic for a whole other post but it’s basically, “What are you offering in exchange? Is it better than other offers?” Real, or much more likely, imagined?)

Spoiler alert it’s either top-possible provision and protection or top-possible tingles. Ideally both but unicorns are rare so… just like it’s the rare guy who actually gets to (gladly) bang every woman he wants to with them also all being totally super down with that, no strings attached, most women don’t get their 100% list either. Um yeah. Most everyone else (M and F) settles for some version thereof they can live with. Supply and demand. Reality.

In short nobody says it but men and women have competing yet complimentary initiatives. It’s maybe “ugly” and “unacceptable” to some but it is what has built civilizations. Always has. Always will.

In fact without it, civilization probably won’t get built (let’s also face it as long as we are calling out taboos, mostly by men who want to bang chicks in exchange) at all. We are almost here now. Google MTGOW if you don’t believe me. Or Japanese herbivores.

Yep.

I doubt that any of that will be appearing on a “wuv u!!!” greeting card anytime soon so that is why we all have plausible deniability. Because if we all admitted all this, well that would ruin the romance! Wouldn’t it? Lol.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Put Yourself in His Shoes

27 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Relationships

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So often when I hear women talking of finding a guy they are quick to list all of the many qualities and requirements they want — the must-have list.

Naturally the list of often quite demanding. She only wants the best, after all!

Often if I ask her what she has to offer, I am met with a confused look and radio silence. Big mistake.

A woman who is serious about meeting and marrying a guy who is what every other gal also hopes to find would be foolish not to put herself in his shoes and consider if she is what a guy such as that would be seeking? Does she even know what that is?

And as many guys like that readily admit, the answer is usually, “No.”

Add to that the legal environment is not set up to favor, much less equally protect, him in the case of divorce and child custody, combined with a lifetime of observing this harsh reality in the lives of the men around them, such men today are even more wary of becoming a husband and father.

So he’s facing a dating pool of women who eagerly rattle off checklists of all he must be and do, who at the same time have little to no understanding of what he wants or needs, and meanwhile his odds are the same as flipping a coin that if he marries and has kids that he’ll end up in divorce court vs. that lasting a lifetime. Can you see why he may not be saying, “Sign me up!”

One can dismiss this inconvenient truth all she likes, blame his commitment phobia, or demand he needs to, “Man up!” But guess what? That’s not going to get her any closer to her goal.

A savvy gal instead becomes singleminded in figuring out what a guy like that is looking for and does all she can to develop herself and those qualities. The earlier in life she does this, the better.

Such women are exceedingly rare, some might call them unicorns. But in that rareness they stand out like a precious jewel — the kind of woman every guy is looking for.

See how that’s a two-way street? Yep.

Let those who have ears hear!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Self elimination, lack of education

19 Tuesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Relationships

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I know a gal, super entitled, who married into a major land-owning family in my area. Like 500+acres owning.

The family she married into has already put their land into trust. Those who continue the line will continue to inherit what has been built.

Still she says she will never have children. Wants to get her tubes tied. Blah, blah, blah me, me, me! As she said all this, for his family’s sake I agreed — get those tubes tied! You go sista!

Because as she and I wrapped up a group business meeting at a local watering hole, she was already cozying up to a guy at the bar who was by every indication a total cad at best.

Her husband’s family strongly objected to the marriage and held it off even for several years. But she (and he) prevailed.

I find it tragic but also illuminating that rather than secure her position via future generations she seems hell bent on not only terminating that for herself but also her husband, who is currently the oldest son of the oldest son.

Hopefully  the cad boys will be there for her. But probably not.

When she bails I have a feeling the oldest son will find a more than willing life mate to secure his future line.

If he can believe in it then, that is.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

 

A Red Pill Valentine’s

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in Relationships

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Ahhh, Valentines Day. A day wrought with high expectations. I heard once more couples fight on Valentines than not. I am not sure it’s true, but if so it wouldn’t surprise me.

Many times Valentine’s is focused on, “What did I get?” Not, “What can I give?”

This Valentine’s take a different approach. Instead of picking apart your relationship, or the day, or having high expectations of the dozen roses and right restaurant and the blah blah blah, focus on the good.

Focus on how YOU can show love, appreciation, and gratitude. And the many things big and small you have to be greatful for.  Forget what’s missing, focus on what’s there. Everybody’s Valentines Day will be better off for it.

And if you are alone this Valentines, also try to focus on what you have not what you don’t. I bet there is someone you could show love to and for today even if it’s not romantic love. Doing so will make their day and yours much better than focusing on what’s missing.

Happy Valentine’s folks! I love you! Each and every one! Thank you for reading this! Thank you for all the wisdom and caring and concern you have shared, given, and shown for me over the years! I appreciate it and YOU!

💞💕❤️💕💞

What do you think about Valentines? Please share in the comments!

Another Marriage Done

13 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Relationships

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The other day I ran into a gal I don’t know super well and had not seen in awhile. I always liked her and her husband, a very striking couple with three picture perfect girls. They seemed happy in the photos on Facebook of them hiking, or in sappy happy anniversary posts to each other, or photos with the kids. She was active in church. Volunteered at the school. Seemed to have a very good life.

That’s why I was shocked to bump into her the other day and have her break the news they have divorced, but everything is good, and both are happier. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to talk then but she wants to get together soon.

The youngest daughter just went off to college. (The mom is very attractive and young looking, my guess is they started their family young. She was in the Air Force when they met, so maybe she’s older than I think but… anyway…) I hate to predict this but my guess is she’s doing some version of empty nest, “Eat, Pray, Love.”

I wanted to tell her. Warn her. Advise her to go back and do whatever it takes to preserve her marriage. But I could tell by the hopeful gleam in her eye as she shared the news,  she probably wouldn’t get it.

I suspect, like many do, she thinks I love being a strong independent female.

I think she will be surprised. I wonder if I won’t be.

Very sad.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

State of the Union

30 Friday Nov 2018

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

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So just minutes ago, I randomly happened to see a post on Instagram with pink plastic reusable-but-also-disposable cups for — I am assuming — a bachelorette party (???) that say, “Same penis forever.” Along with a diamond engagement ring clip art image.

So naturally I had to write a post.

How depressingly red pill is that? Are the holders of said cups already regretting the end of the Alpha Fux, soon to be beta bux (AF/bb) era? Are the cups being both reusable (for a whole weekend!!!) but disposable a sign of the times?

Is this a healthy and marriage-ready or marriage-worthy sentiment? How long until that same penis gets old? What then?

Or am I just taking a joke and a lighthearted spin on the male version of this sentiment all too seriously?

As one manospherisn might say, (Drink!) And then discuss in the comments!

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

10 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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Today I met a woman in her late 50s or maybe early 60s who just started telling me her story, like many people do.

Turns out she’s engaged to be married, to a man who lives overseas. Kenya, to be exact.

He’s in the military she said, and the met via an online dating site.

She seemed like a nice lady, and was with her elderly mother. She has mid length reddish blond hair and seemed like perhaps a retired school teacher, or some such. She dressed very plainly, not much make up, her hair somewhat messy.  And she looked tired. Like she had the worries of the world on her shoulders.

She mentioned being married before, when she was 23. She said her ex-husband remarried recently at a popular nearby spot. She saw this on Facebook. She didn’t want a big wedding like that, she said. She wants to keep it simple.

I could somehow feel as she described what started to sound like an extremely complicated situation involving her sending tens of thousands of dollars to the fiancé so he could come that things may not be what they seem. There had been multiple delays, expired documents, more checks sent via money wire for thousands more.

He’ll be here soon, she said. I wondered if I sensed doubt in her voice? Soon… hopefully… she looked off in the distance, the words seemingly just hanging there.

Her mom didn’t know, she said. Nobody in her family did. She didn’t explain further, I didn’t pry. I wanted to ask more. I was afraid to ask.

I really worry for her and hope she is not being scammed. But as is sometimes said around here I had to remember, “Not my monkey, not my circus.”

Will she be another post-wall woman fleeced of all she has in the name of “love?” I hope not. Maybe someday she will pass my way again and I will find out how the story ends.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Like That?

05 Wednesday Sep 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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I felt this quote shared by commenter Alan Kardec was worthy of making a post of its own. He says:

A great quote from Kevin Williamson: “It was not the invention of the birth-control pill, or the adoption of no-fault divorce, that hollowed out marriage: It was that we became the sort of people who desired those things. We became — Western civilization became — the kids who flunked the test in the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment, unable to resist immediate gratification and, having stripped ourselves of the cultural basis for understanding the distinction, unable to tell the difference between pleasure and happiness.”

What do you think? Please share in the comments.