Tag Archives: drama

Problems and Solutions

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Many people are good at pointing out problems, or “what’s wrong” with this or that. And indeed it is step one.

But have you noticed how few people seem to be able to focus on the solutions rather than simply fixate on the problem?

I see this all over the place, not just in relationships. It seems we are a culture very good at identifying problems — calling them out loud and clear. We are not so good at finding solutions it seems… in fact many seem to NOT want to find solutions, but rather just harp and harp on the same old “problems.”

But trust me, solutions are where the good stuff is. The problems are only an opportunity to grow and thrive, reach another level — and you get there by coming up with solutions to whatever the problem is one faces.

Sometimes others will appreciate the solutions, join in, other times they will not. So long as you find a solution for YOURSELF to whatever it is, that’s what matters. Others will have to find solutions for themselves. Or maybe they will just choose to focus on the problems. Some may not want to solve the problems. In any case, don’t get sucked in!

So next time you find yourself with a problem, rather than getting stuck there push on to brainstorming possible solutions.  Soon whatever you face won’t matter as much because you will prove to yourself time and again that whatever the problem, what really matters isn’t that, but coming up with a workable (for you) solution!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

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Hormonal Swings

18 Friday May 2018

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Regular commenter Earl said the other day, in response to a discussion about how women’s hormonal cycles can lead to some pretty poor decisions (cheating, feuding, drama, and more),  some good advice to keep in mind when hormones surge:

“Not everything is about what your menstrual cycle is telling you.”

I had to laugh out loud at that one! Nailed it!

Now granted, it took me YEARS to figure this out. Not that I was cheating, but like clockwork I would find myself stewing and snappy two to three days before “Aunt Flo” arrived, and despite it happening every single month I would be caught off guard and say things I sincerely regretted a few days later when, “Duh.”

But at the time, I swore whatever I was feeling was the honest to God truth. I would even call it my, “moment of clarity!” (Cringe.) When that 24-hour or so moment struck, I swear I would have at times thrown a car across the yard if I could have managed it. I was snarly, grumpy, moody, glum, and prone to argue. Not good. Not good for me, and not good for those around me.

Now one would think it would be obvious pretty quickly, after a year or two, but no. I did not start to put two and two together until I was in my late 30’s. After nearly 20 YEARS of experiencing the same month after month.

Maybe I am just slower than most, but I would guess many women’s hormonal cycles get the better of them a few days a month. Much to their later regret. But the key is — it doesn’t have to!

That’s right, tracking your cycle is easier than ever thanks to apps, smart phones, and gizmos. If you prefer to keep your private life private, there is always the old fashioned calendar method.

Trust me, life gets a whole lot easier when one can identify, “this is probably hormones, don’t make a big deal” versus, “I hate my life and want to blow it up just ’cause!”

Now I have heard women make excuses, that they can’t help it, that they can’t control themselves, that other just have to accept it. No. This is simply not fair and is a very immature way to think. While it’s true you can’t stop or control the cycle, you CAN stop or control yourself. (Yes, you can.) Hormones are not an excuse to wreak havoc on those around you, possibly causing long term damage to your relationships — romantic, work, friends, and family.

If this sounds all too familiar, if you find yourself coming off the rails once a month, try tracking your cycle. Challenge yourself to take a deep breath when you feel off and ask yourself, “Could this be hormones?” Practice some self-control and self-mastery. You’ll be glad you did. And you’ll find it gets much easier with time.

Trust me, doing so makes life much smoother and more tranquil for you and everyone else.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

The Healthy Card

17 Saturday Mar 2018

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

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Much of life is a series of choices. When presented between the healthy card or not, choose the healthy card.

For example, in relationships one can choose to be emotionally healthy, regulated, supportive, and kind or one can choose to be drama driven, off the chain, unsupportive, and hurtful. One can also in turn choose or refuse these behavior traits from a potential partner.

The same goes for friendships, co-worker relations, relatives, and others. If or when things get hard, one can still choose the healthy card by refusing to participate in unhealthy, dysfunctional dynamics. Somebody choosing healthy often stops the unhealthy, or at least leads the person who won’t choose healthy to take it elsewhere.

If you have trouble choosing the healthy card, it’s something to explore, perhaps with a trained professional. Dysfunctional, unhealthy, or abusive patterns in adulthood often stem from similar ones in childhood. One may have had little choice then, but as an adult one can choose to not haunt themself or others with ghosts from the past. It takes work, persistence, and self knowledge but it is well worth the effort.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Beware Self-Imposed Drama

21 Tuesday Jul 2015

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As I listened to my former neighbor describe her continually messed up love life, it suddenly occurred to me how she was really the one creating all this angst.

Now if you asked her, she’d swear up and down that she’s the victim here, “they” are doing all this to her.

For a long time I bought it too. After all she’s so convincing in her blameless tales of woe. I used to empathize with her bad luck. But post red pill awareness, it’s abundantly clear that she’s an active participant in creating all of her troubles.

For example if ever there has been a plate spinner, it’s her. She’s always got two or three guys she “can’t decide between” on the line, then rotates in a few random encounters here and there to boot.

Naturally, the men in these tales are not so into that, and drama ensues. Oddly (or according to the red pill maybe not oddly at all) the only one who she has it bad for is the one who blows her off and who seems to care less what she’s doing as long as she’s available when he wants her. Which is about every three months.

I hate to say it but she pretty much confirms almost every red pill cliche in the book: AF/BB, opportunistic love, bad boys over good guys, etc.

How does she get away with it? Well for now she’s still young(ish) and very attractive. I fear someday she will be the 50-some lady sitting at the bar wondering where have all the good men gone?

And if that happens, I suppose she’ll have nobody but herself and her disastrous self-sabotaging choices to blame.

Or maybe by then she’ll be reaping the seeds she’s planted when her own two daughters she’s dragged along for the ride become teens and start creating self-imposed drama themselves? I sure hope not.

Lately when she starts talking about all her troubles, I have been dropping in tidbits of red pill wisdom. She actually latches on to these little nuggets, surprisingly, and is quite interested. Which leads me to believe she’s really not that conscious of the self-destructive, no-win cycle she is creating, or how to break out of it. Hopefully in time that light will click on. In the meantime, she seems to be giving the Kardashian’s a run for their money in the drama department.

Here’s an idea: When tempted to indulge in something you know you should not, try asking yourself my go-to drama busting question, “Isn’t my life already complicated enough?” Chances are it is, all on its own. No additional drama necessary!

Let those who have ears hear.