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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: family

Flipping Narratives

31 Tuesday Mar 2020

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire, Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

culture, family, feminism, happy, home, housewife, job, marriage, marriage material, middle age, security, society, truth, women, work, working girl, working mom, working woman

Well, who would have guessed a pandemic would get me writing again, but here I am! Glad to see you!

I am on day 15 of strict social distancing, and day 8 of complete just me and the girls lockdown. We don’t plan to go anywhere or see anyone in person for at least another month. If all the models are correct, my area should hit peak cases in about two weeks.

Luckily I am for whatever reason an early adopter, so I noted months ago that this was likely going to happen. I stocked up on food and supplies, figuring we’d be an a lockdown like I was seeing in China at the time, and I did not want to be caught unprepared. We’re stocked to the gills!

A bridge I have not crossed yet but will need to is to ask to skip visitation for one weekend. I think as the cases will be peaking then, and the other side is out in the wild and in rather high risk exposure roles at that, I hope that the reasoning will be obvious. Just one weekend. To be made up later, fair and square. (I would not play games with this.)

So after four or five zero outside contact days of not knowing what to do with myself and obsessively following news articles and researching about the virus, I found myself yesterday wanting to nest.

I have been cooking up a storm as the kids seem happiest when there is food in the works. I suppose on a most basic level, food equals we are still OK. I had for days been gently quieting the agitated folks on my regular social media, trying to be a voice of calm and reason when the rest of the crowd felt one step short of full blown Mad Max. I keep it light, breezy, slip in some red-pillish thoughts served with lots of plausible deniability.

I can only imagine what it must be like to be getting red pilled in a single week. It was hard enough for me over a span of several years. And yet here they are, the blue pill herd, not knowing what to do as the narratives they have clung to are coming crashing down around their ears. It is admittedly a bit much.

So I have been trying to be a helpful guide, saying things like, “It’s not crazy, it’s OK to change your point of view based on life experiences,” when they say they no longer support open boarders or overseas manufacturing or they can’t relate to their usual party holding up their relief check over ridiculous pork projects that can in no way be explained as making sense to be included. I virtually pat their hand.

Who would have though a virus could do so much to expose what we folks in the Red Pill world have been discussing for five plus years.

Yesterday, as I was nesting, I posted a few snapshots of domesticity, joking I was somehow turning into a 50s housewife in less than a week. I expected to get heckled and jazzed.

Instead, within minutes career gals were jumping in and confessing they were also baking bread and nesting and (gasp!) actually enjoying not going to work. I pondered how many of them will decide not to go back to their non-essential jobs.

Now of course that doesn’t solve the other problem Larry G pointed out when I shared this on another blog in the comments. He felt it might be good to let them know that all the good guys are long gone, and part of being a housewife included, well being a wife. And that maybe I should tell these 30+ SIW that the gentlemen have long since left the building. Good luck!

I figured Rome was not built in a day and told him I will share that when they get to the wailing about, “Where are all the good men,” part. For now, maybe best to just let this sink in.

I have long asserted that the SIW narrative is the blue pill flip of the soy boy. Maybe a few weeks in isolation with nothing to do but bake and explore their hobbies might put them in touch better than anything that they had been sold down the slave wage, dead end job river by those telling them staying home would only lead to sadness, abuse, and oppression.

I suppose for now they have the government to play the role of their provider and protector, but finding one of their very own in real life once this blows over may prove more difficult.

Anyway, I laughed when later that day I saw the president serve Ms. Markle a red pill straight up, unrepentant Alpha style. Let’s have a look, shall we?

Trump-Tweet-8

Ouch! Yep, making your own choices is all fun and games until you’re held accountable to them and reality hits. Then a gal realizes she’s played her hand out capitalizing on her sexuality and youth, getting her every whim, thinking it would never end — until just like that it does and and still has decades and decades to go minus a title, crown, or royal privileges. Markle isn’t on her own yet, but if I were a betting gal I give it two years, tops! (Should have looked a little closer at the fates of Fergie and Wallis — not the lap of luxury life either had imagined ahead, I am guessing.)

Anyway, interesting times! What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Self elimination, lack of education

19 Tuesday Feb 2019

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

divorce, family, inheritance, marriage, red pill

I know a gal, super entitled, who married into a major land-owning family in my area. Like 500+acres owning.

The family she married into has already put their land into trust. Those who continue the line will continue to inherit what has been built.

Still she says she will never have children. Wants to get her tubes tied. Blah, blah, blah me, me, me! As she said all this, for his family’s sake I agreed — get those tubes tied! You go sista!

Because as she and I wrapped up a group business meeting at a local watering hole, she was already cozying up to a guy at the bar who was by every indication a total cad at best.

Her husband’s family strongly objected to the marriage and held it off even for several years. But she (and he) prevailed.

I find it tragic but also illuminating that rather than secure her position via future generations she seems hell bent on not only terminating that for herself but also her husband, who is currently the oldest son of the oldest son.

Hopefully  the cad boys will be there for her. But probably not.

When she bails I have a feeling the oldest son will find a more than willing life mate to secure his future line.

If he can believe in it then, that is.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

 

Simple Beginnings

16 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 56 Comments

Tags

advice, dysfunction, dysfunctional, family, happiness, home, life, love, parenting, red pill

I saw a quote on a reader board the other day that read, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

I thought it was such a simple truth — indeed that providing a loving, healthy, safe home for your family truly can make the world a better place. Not just within the home, but in schools, workplaces, and the community as your family returns that love, health, and safety out into the world.

Likewise, family dysfunction can haunt those involved for generations. And again, not just in the home but in schools, workplaces, and the community. Much of society’s biggest woes (crime, violence, etc.) can likely be traced back to an unhappy home as the root.

Fill your home with love today and every day. Doing so is naturally easier for those raised in such a home themselves. Yet it’s a choice available on a daily basis to all. I have known many people who have worked hard to give their families something they themselves wished for but did not have.

What are you “playing forward?”

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Patriarchy

12 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 71 Comments

Tags

abundance, divorce, family, feminism, happiness, marriage, modern life, modern marriage, modern parenting, parenting, patriarchy, red pill

When you hear the word patriarchy, what images and thoughts come up?

For many raised in a post-feminist world, images or thoughts of oppression, violence, anger, intolerance, abuse, toxic masculinity, and victimization may come to mind.

Yesterday I saw an example of patriarchy that defied all those images and labels. An example that perhaps more truly reflects the true concept of patriarchy.

I noticed the children first, at a small local family fun park where the girls and I had gone to spend a beautiful summer afternoon.

The kids ranged in age from about 17 down. There were lots of them, and they beamed with happiness and joy, good naturedly joking with each other, playing tag, and clearly enjoying themselves. There was a distinct innocence to them, a carefreeness and sense of absolute security.

They were all tastefully dressed, not overtly any distinct religious faith but also not in the latest fashions. Timeless but not at all out of fashion either. The girls wore girl cut T-shirt’s and skirts with Capri leggings underneath, and their faces were glowing and fresh but make-up free.  The boys wore T-shirt’s and shorts.

I could tell they were likely related because of their similar appearance and obvious close ties, I figured perhaps they were cousins.

A man not much older than myself followed the youngest girl, a cute and spunky little blond. She scrambled up to the top of a tall slide and fearlessly barreled down, calling to and waving to the man the whole way.

He laughed and beamed with pride. “Hard to believe she only weighed three pounds when she was born,” he said to me out of the blue. “She was 9 weeks early.”

“I was just thinking what a daredevil she is,” I replied. He beamed even more.

”She’s the youngest of 12,” he said, gesturing to the other kids who bounded around happily, playifully. “She’s three.”

“That’s fantastic!” I replied. “How old is the oldest?”

”Twenty-six,” he replied. “Ages 26 to 3!”

”Any grandkids yet?” I asked?

”The first is on the way this January,” he said.

”Congratulations!” I replied. He smiled a  lovingly proud smile.

The little girl then dashed off to the next activity and he followed at a close but not hovering distance.

Later in the evening I saw him and his wife. He tenderly held her arm as they steered through the crowd of people gathered on the grassy hill to enjoy a performance., heading back to their brood. They looked very content and happy.

I reflected on this couple and their children and thought how this patriarchy wasn’t as so often described — looked nothing like that, actually. It was remarkably refreshing, this family’s dynamic, I found myself wishing more families (of any and all sizes) today looked like that. Happy. Joyful. Secure.

Perhaps the patriarchy isn’t as it’s been portrayed? Perhaps there’s a much more positive side that is rarely celebrated or acknowledged today?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

One Smart Cookie!

18 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 30 Comments

Tags

commitment, dating, family, love, marriage, red pill

As I may have mentioned, I live in a rural area surrounded by farmland and small-acreage “country estates/hobby farms” owned by people who want to live a country lifestyle.

My place is surrounded on two sides by a family that has lived and farmed the area for generations. The father, widowed after 40+ years of marriage and now in his late 70s, lives with his bachelor brother on the original farm. His two sons, in their late 40s or early 50s, both own 40-acre hobby farms. They are a good family, solid church going folks who are upstanding citizen types.

Recently, the grandson announced he was engaged, and will be married this summer on the family property. He, his mom, and his bride-to-be stopped by to say hello a few weeks ago, sharing their good news.

I was immediately impressed by this young woman. She’s tall and fit with a curvy but athletic build. Her long brunette hair is styled in natural cascading waves, and I was not surprised to hear that she sometimes does modeling work. She was dressed stylishly but modestly, in clothes that fit and flattered. (She was conspicuously lacking in the tattoos, wild hair colors, piercings, and other fashion choices many gals her age are making these days.)

She’s bubbly, graceful, and well mannered. By no means shy or a doormat, but she’s also not at all overbearing. She’s got a regal confidence, the bearing of a true young lady. Classy. His mom beamed at her with pride, obviously smitten with her son’s choice of a future wife. All good signs that I was happy to see!

The son is a strapping young man. Thanks to working around the farm plus having very athletic parents, he’s pretty much the physical ideal example of a young man. I could not help but notice this the other day when he and his fiance stopped by to check in on cutting my hay field. Instead of the long sleeved shirt he had worn during the prior visit, this time he was in a loose tank top. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before but his biceps and chest were huge, the boy is solid muscle!

As the two bounded off to check the field, he and his eager helpmate, I thought what a dashing pair they make, so happy and carefree and obviously in love. Like his parents and his dads parents before that, I can see them married for life, building a life, and starting a family of their own.

I did not ask their ages or what they do, but my guess is they are recently out of college, in their early 20s. While others in their age group are sowing wild oats, these two are pairing up and settling down.

I thought what a smart cookie she was to choose wisely and well, marrying into a solid family, with a bright financial future. I have no doubt they will have a beautiful and fairly easy life. Charmed, even.

Like many of her age, she could instead be on Tinder, swiping and matching, putting everything into her career, going out to nightclubs and bars, keeping her options open, telling herself maybe she’ll settle down, “someday,” but for the time being wanting freedom, independence, empowerment, and lots of life experiences.

I wondered how she had happened to take the path less traveled, if it was just blind luck or if she consciously sought to find her mate, a good man from a good family who she loved with all her heart, and happily marry young? My bet is that it is a result of deliberate choices to be and do different than most of her peers, choices that are now paying off.

In any case, I think she’s wise. And I don’t see her doing anything but building upon the firm foundation she’s establishing. Like his mother who herself married wisely and well in her youth, I see a relatively carefree and easy road ahead for this girl rather than one filled with pain, struggle, and strife.

It makes me happy to see it and to share the tale — sometimes you see it working out, despite the odds, and it gives me hope that all is not lost. I hope other young ladies (including my own girls!) who hear her tale see the wisdom in doing different, and take the same path themselves!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Father Insurance

17 Sunday Jun 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in parenting

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

dad, dads, family, father, father's day, Happy Father's Day, parenting, red pill

On Father’s Day, it seems like a great time to bring up some statistics that show dads do a lot more for their kids than simply contribute genetic material. Consider:

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
  • 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Center for Disease Control)
  • 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average.  (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report)

To say dads are any less critical to raising healthy, well developed children is ignoring reality. So today, thank a dad for all they do for kids — and for society!

Happy Father’s Day.

What  do you think? Please share in the comments!

Marriage Minded

15 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 125 Comments

Tags

dating, divorce, family, marriage, red pill, relationships, SIW

Ladies, are you marriage minded? As in, your goal of dating is to find a suitable mate and to marry, or if you are already married to be so for life?

Sometime in the 1970’s the social contract on marriage changed. It went from something that everyone involved expected to be for the long haul to something people expected to do, “until we don’t feel it” or “As long as we’re happy.” People admit to walking down the aisle knowing they can divorce if things don’t “work out.” In essence, marriage has been reduced to little more than going steady, another stop in the serial monogamy journey. This is not being marriage minded!

At the same time young women were urged to put off marriage into her 30’s. The advice is likely based on knowing young women in their late teens to early 30’s have youth and beauty on her side. If she’s married, some argued, she might “miss out” on maximizing on those assets. In reality, pairing up is much like the game of musical chairs. Over time there are fewer options left, until there are no options at all except a few broken chairs. Many women who followed this advice found sure enough, finding a man interested in marriage in the 30’s is not as easy as it would have been younger. Such women often regret not being marriage minded younger.

And finally, if one is going to marry, she should have her head on straight first about what marriage is really about. It’s about building a life, a partnership, raising a family,  leaving a legacy — not something that is based on feelz and being “in love” and “always happy” and “fulfilled” and all the rest. Not that marriage can’t have those things, but they are not the rock to build it on. Understand marriage is a long game, and not every day of it will be fun, fulfilling, and exciting. Lots of it will just be regular, uneventful, maybe even boring. Get that regular, uneventful, and maybe even boring is GOOD because that means things are going ok, there is no crisis, and that’s something to be thankful for!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

30 Years In

16 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 47 Comments

Tags

advice, children, dreams, family, life, marriage, money, red pill, security

A couple I know who have been married for 30-some years are a great example of how it pays to stick it out in marriage rather than frivorce.

He works for a large international shipping company and has for most of his career. He gets up at 4 a.m. to go to work and spends his day scheduling and overseeing the routes of some 300 trucks. It’s not a glamorous job but he makes a good living, has a solid pension building, and has provided well for his family.

She was a stay at home mom until her children were grown, focused on their care and education. She helped out in the schools, occasionally working as an aide. After her children were off to college she started substitute teaching, found she had a special affinity for working with visually impaired children, and now she’s got a great job working in this niche. She reversed the more typical career then kids path, and it’s worked out well.

Despite having average income, they have slowly and steadily built a solid base and are financially set with a beautiful home and no worries. They have avoided debt and the stress it can bring. Now they have the ability to travel and enjoy life, thanks to their approach.

They have three grown children who love and adore their parents. All have completed college and are gainfully employed in their career fields. Two are now married, but no children yet. All the kids consider the parents home the central gathering place for special occasions, and they often have all family gatherings on weekends as well. As the clan grows I can see their gatherings becoming a close knit, multi-generational affair.

Two years ago the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was in the early stages fortunately, but in order to reduce the risk that it might come back she decided to have a full double mastectomy. Her loving husband and children have been right there for her through the medical ordeal, and continue to be as she’s had a few setbacks with related complications from the surgery and reconstruction.

Theirs is a good marriage, dedicated, loving, and supportive. The couple puts their union first over themselves in a mature and healthy way and are devoted to their Catholic faith. They are young and vivacious for their age, an attractive pair. They look at each other with respect and love, so touching to see.

As she told me of her medical struggles it occurred to me how fortunate she was to have her husband and children’s support through that tough time. And how that’s a big perk of being 30 years in, of having built that solid platform for herself by building it for her family.

It’s rare to see these days but so comforting when one does. In a society where everything is disposable, something that lasts seems all the more precious.

Choosing and marrying well and sticking it out may not be the most common path today, but it’s the one I would recommend. I hope my daughters take this path and enjoy the lifetime of happiness it creates.

A Life Well Lived

07 Wednesday Feb 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in parenting, Relationships

≈ 78 Comments

Tags

family, life, marriage, red pill, relationships, stability, success

The other day I was talking with a couple about to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. I didn’t ask their ages but he mentioned being born in 1939, although I would have never guessed it.

They are both fit and spry, more so than many people 15 or 20 or even more their junior. They look healthy, like they have eaten well, not overdone anything, and taken good care of themselves consistently.

They speak fondly to and of each other, and their children and grandchildren. It’s clear they are actively a part of their family’s lives and visit or meet up often even though the kids live across the country.

Both former schoolteachers, they say they never had a lot but the wife proudly said how her husband steadily put a little away all along and that has lasted for 20 years in retirement, likely along with teacher’s pensions. They talk of world travels taken through community ed programs and meeting up with all the clan yearly in Hawaii.

For their anniversary they are going on a six-week trip to the Caribbean, part cruise and part land. Even though she’s already tiny she mentioned she’s dieting, as she wants to look good by the pool. (So cute!)

They are both well dressed and well groomed in a solid but not flashy way. It’s clear despite their age they still take pride in their appearance and looking their best.

I found myself thinking they were a good example of a life well lived. They had invested in themselves, each other, their children, and their community. Small but steady good choices that have all added up.

I have no doubt they have endured struggles, but at the same time it’s clear the good has far outweighed the bad. It sure looked good compared to what’s happening today.

Wise choices, frugality, healthy living, moderation, and deep bonds may seem “boring” to some, but I personally think their story is a beautiful one. I’d love a family and life like that. Simple and true.

I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?

What do you think equals a life well lived? Please share in the comments!

What Predicts Relationship Success?

31 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 105 Comments

Tags

advice, breakup, breakups, dating, divorce, family, happiness, happy, life, marriage, red pill, relationship success, relatonships

Wish you could look into a crystal ball and see if your relationship was destined to succeed or fail? Researchers think they have found the answer that separates relationship masters from relationship disasters. From here:

“…Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples … will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

“It’s not just scanning environment,” chimed in Julie Gottman. “It’s scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”

Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there.”

In real life I would say I have seen this to be the case. Those I know in troubled, angsty relationships are always on the lookout for their partner to do them wrong or fall short, while the couples who seem most content are those who have a positive view.

The good news is both approaches are a choice, a mindset. If you aren’t already, start giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and look for the good in them rather than the bad, assume the best instead of the worst. Not only will they likely start feeling a lot better about the relationship (and you!), chances are you’ll start feeling so as well.

It’s easy to find fault, to focus on the negative. In fact, the human mind seems geared to see what’s missing more prominantly than what’s not. And while it likely serves us well in some ways, it can also create much unhappiness because let’s face it — there will always be something going wrong, even when 99.9% is going right! And really, how often in life is even 51% or more going wrong? In mine the answer has been rarely, or actually never, even if I have not always acted (or felt) like it. Even on the very worst days (not that I am daring the universe here…)

What do you think? Have you seen this master or disaster approach to relationships in real life? Is seeing the glass half full the secret to a long and happy relationship? Please share in the comments.

 

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